Fluttersized 3: Crusadersized

by Barrobroadcaster

COHERENT THOUGHT DETECTED! FIRING SURFACE-TO-STORY ANTI-LOGIC MISSLE!

Barro, Michael Hay, Discord and the train conductor rode along the tracks on a hoofcart. Barro and Michael worked the levers, keeping up a steady motion to keep them moving. If they kept up this speed, they would catch up to the train by the time the next sequel to this story was finished.

"Is there... any way... to move this thing faster?" Barro said, tiring from the pushing.

"Why... why did you... suggest that we move the conductor... off the train?" Michael asked, irrititation and exhaustion rising.

"Hey," the conductor said, looking over his shoulder. "You two should be happy I'm letting you use the hoofcart. Assaulting a railway conductor is a capital offense. Not only that, I didn't happen to either of you with tickets." Barro and Michael averted meeting the conductor's accusing gaze.

"Hahaha, you two were planning on sneaking aboard, weren't you?" Discord remarked with a chuckle. "You see? Even without me around, chaos still flourishes!"

"Why don't you make with the chaos and get us to Neigh York faster?" Michael asked.

"Fortunately for you, I'm as eager as you are to get to the Big Apple. And maybe even turn it upside down," Discord said. Three glares chastized the draconequus.

"Not literally!" he waves his arms in defense. "But I do have a solution to our lack of haste. Huzzah." Discord snapped his talons and an outboard motor appeared from thin air. He attatched it to the base of the hoofcart and stuck the propellor in the ground on the side of the tracks. Grabbing the ripcord, he yanked it back. The motor sputtered but didn't start immediately. He yanked it again, more furiously this time. Still, it yielded no results. Finally, he gripped the handle of the cord and jerked it back, almost hitting Michael in the hid with the move and the motor started kicking up a flurry of dirt.

"There. Now, we'll reach Manehattan in no time," Discord said, proud of himself. His pride wouldn't last long however; the hoofcart's boost in speed jumped it off the rails and soon the cart's metal wheels were grinding through the dirt.

"Look what you've done! You derailed us!" Barro shouted, holding on to the cart's handle for dear life.

"Don't worry, everything's under control," Discord said, remainging calm. A being of pure chaos, why wouldn't he be calm? He literally NEVER had any reason to panic. Excluding the few times he became cast in stone, that is. He grabbed the handle of the outboard motor and began to steer the cart. The four of them were now on a vehicle completely free of the rails.

"We might actually get there faster now that we're not following the rails," Michael said.

The conductor nodded in agreement. "There are a few natural turns, slow degrades where the train passes through other stops. We can skip all that now and go straight on to Neigh York."

"Yeah but how do we get across the ravine?" Michael asked.

"Oh, that's easy," the conductor replied. "There's a rail bridge that goes right across, smooth and steady."

"But we're not on the rails," Discord reminded the group. "We're ABOVE logic," he said with a grin. The group didn't try to argue with him; this wasn't season 3 so it was best if he enjoyed his freedom before he was inevitably set back in stone.

"Well, I'm sure they'll build another bridge over it eventually," the conductor said.

"Can they build them in the next twenty seconds?" Michael asked, his vision fixed directly ahead.

"No... why?"

"Because that's how long until we get to the ravine," Michael answered stoically. The group turned quickly. Sure enough, there was a gorge in front of them and they were heading right for it.

"Hit the brakes!" Barro shouted.

"This is a hoofcart, remember? There are no brakes on the chaos train. Or this cart either," Discord answered him.

They were too close to the ravine to jump off. Barro and Michael grabbed the outboard motor and tried to turn them. They turned the outboard motor to the right, trying to change their direction. Both of them let out satisfied sighs of relief as their efforts to change their course seemed to have payed off. The cart turned left and they avoided the ravine.

"Ahh... that was close," Michael remarked.

"Yes but now we're going to hit the rails. I don't think that's quite the right way we're wanting to get 'back on track'," Discord said.

"We can't hit them; at this angle, we'll tear up the tracks!" the conductor shouted. Michael and Barro pulled the motor back in the other direction just as the cart was about to hit the rails. They turned a sharp right. Again, the two were relieved.

"Now we're headed back towards the ravine!" Discord shouted in excited glee. Again, Barro and Michael pulled the motor but this time, they pulled a tad too hard. The handle snapped off and the motor shuttered. Suddenly, it picked up speed, the propeller spun faster and kicked up more dirt behind it.

"Aahhhhhhh!"
"AAAAHHHH!!"
"AAAAAAHHHHH!!"
The three ponies screamed as the cart raced towards the edge
Discord yawned and rested an elbow on the outboard motor, plunging it further into the ground. At the last second, the cart's front wheels picked up into the air and it flew off the cliff.

"I REGRET NOTHING!" Barro shouted, he, Michael and the train conductor holding on for dear life as they sailed over the ravine. For a brief moment, they were flying. Three ponies and one draconequus flew across the gorge on a hoofcart like nothing the Equestrian Rail Commission had ever seen. Maybe it was simply because Discord was there, maybe it was some random magical fluke, maybe it was because the author thought it sounded better... on second thought, yeah it's definitely the last one. Anyway, the cart somehow MIRACULOUSLY made it to the other side of the ravine, landing in the soft dirt. It wasn't all like the movies though; the passengers were thrown from the vehicle like rag dolls and tumbled through the dirt a good distance, the cart flipping over and sliding to a stop.

Barro spat dirt out of his mouth and tried to stand. His mane, tail and coat were covered in sand. Slowly, he got up to check on the others.

"Michael... Discord... um,... train conductor guy?" Barro called out to them, looking around, trying to shake off the disorientation.

"Of all the times... NOT to have a camera..." Michael remarked, getting up and spitting dirt out of his own mouth. His beret and glasses had been knocked off, revealing tan lines on his face and scalp. He searched for both items, finding them nearby. The glasses were ruined, broken and missing the left lens. The beret was fine, he looked over at Barro and smiled. The jackass was lucky to be alive, now he was grinning like it had been a rollercoaster ride.

"My name... my name's Timely. And I'm okay, thanks for asking," the train conductor said, getting up and dusting himself off. Barro looked around. Discord was nowhere in sight.

"Who wants to go again?!" Discord asked, descending from above. He was holding on to the outboard motor, its propellor somehow becoming large enough that it was keeping him aloft a bit, allowing him to float down gently. "That was amazing, that was astounding that was..."

"Chaotic?" Michael suggested.

"Actually, no it was an entirely predictable outcome. But it was fun anyway!" Discord said, gleefully landing.

"Fun?! Fun...?!! You think that was fun?!" Barro yelled out in rage, the white pony accusing the draconequus. Discord said nothing, thought for a moment and then smiled sheepishly and nodded.

"We're lucky to be alive! I don't even... know how that happened. And now we're stranded in the middle of nowhere with no way to get to Neigh York City!" Barro continued shouting. If he had been any louder, his voice would've echoed off the nearby mountains. Derpy made a small cameo appearance overhead but none of the individuals on the ground noticed her and she, focused soley on delivering the mail didn't notice them either. Still, she's adorable and can make any scene better so she's going in there. I know, I agree with that statement a lot too. Why am I telling you this?

Eh, I'll write her in somewhere towards the end and you guys will be all like, "Oh, so that's what she was doing there! That's so funny!" And I'll be like, "Yeah, I did that. She's just so cute," Bet you ten bits that's exactly what happens. Ah, we'll see. Okay, intermission's over.

Timely looked at the overturned hoofcart. "Well, we aren't going to be getting much use out of this."

"We can't stay here forever. The heat will get to us and then... then the buzzards will come. Just like in those westerns. We'll just be piles of bones and and skulls next to the railroad tracks! Tourists will wonder if they're real or a decoration as they ride past in air-conditioned splender while-"

"Michael, shut up. Discord," Barro said, turning to the mischievious creature. "Discord, there's got to be something you can do. Turn the ground in to ice, make it rain chocolate so we can... swim the distance or something."

"Oh, I wish I could Barro," Discord said, sounding sad. "But being crushed in that last story, my chaotic powers are a little out of touch, so to speak. The only way I was able to craft this outboard motor is from the hoofcart's hoofbrake."

"Wait... so it DID have a brake?" Michael asked.

Discord nodded solemnly.

"I'm able to change things at the moment but as far as making them appear out of thin air, well... I'm going to need a little more time for that," Discord explained.

"Well, while the three of you are figuring it out, I'm going to seek shelter under the cart if you don't mind," Timely said, crawling under the shade of the cart. Michael moved to join him, taking a cautious look over his shoulder at the sky as he did so.

"Wait! The hoofcart!" Barro exclaimed, pointing to it.

"What is it boy?" Discord asked.

"The cart, the cart!" he continued gesturing toward it excitedly.

"Did little Timmy fall down the well?" Discord asked randomly.

"Discord, use your magic on... wait, what?"

Michael Hay burst out in laughter at Discord's continued shenanigans, falling onto his back.

"Grrrr," Barro growled. "Discord, use your magic to fix the cart. Simple!"

Discord folded his arms. "Don't you think that if I could do that, I would've already?" he asked.

Barro ran over to the cart. "There's got to be something we can do. The wheels are mostly intact."

"Hmm," Discord said, putting a claw to his chin. He squinted his eyes and thought about the situation. "You know, I think there is something I can do," his eyes went back and fourth between the white colt in front of him and the cart who's tail oddly enough was wagging ever so slightly.

"Can it get us to Neigh York City?" Barro asked.

"It certainly can," Discord declared. He snapped his talons and the four wheels disappeared off the cart... and reappeared attatched to Barro's hooves.

"Well? Where is it?" Barro asked, looking around. Discord, smiling, drew the young colt's attention and pointed a talon towards the ground. Barro's gaze went down to his hooves slowly. His face came back up in shock.

"What... what are these?!" he asked, raising his hooves. The wheels from the cart were now attatched to the side of his hooves. "What did you do to me?!"

"Congratulations Barro! You're a rocking horse err, I mean, pony!" Michael said.

"What?! WHAT?! This isn't... I can't be..." Barro examined himself in horror. Discord's magic was never that easy.

"This is how we'll get to Neigh York," Discord said. He snapped his talons again and Timely and Michael both disappeared. They reappeared right next to Barro, both with wheels attatched to their hooves. The cart they were underneath collapsed, the parts used for the wheels no longer holding it up. It fell to pieces in the sand.

"Hooray! I've made roller ponies!" Discord clapped his claw-paws happily. "This is just like in generation two when the ponies were wearing roller skates and-"

"NO!" the three shouted, stopping the fiend from breaking the fourth wall any more.

Discord shrugged. "Well, this time it's a lot more awesome because this will get us to Neigh York city in a hurry."

"How? Are you going to pull us there or something?" Timely asked. "Without an engine, we're just loose cars."

Discord pulled out the outboard motor again. "We'll use this!" he said with a sinister smile.

"Oh no," Barro refused. "You are not mounting that on my flank."

"Oh, come on," Discord tried to encourage him. "It won't hurt. We'll get there faster and we can-"

"No," Barro said flatly. "Get it away from my ass, Discord."

"You're no fun," Discord threw the motor casually over his shoulder. "But I did have another idea." Discord snapped his claws again and the three ponies appeared on the rails, hoof-wheels locked in place. Pieces of the hoofcart pushed apart their hooves and kept the wheels alligned and on track. Barro found the entire ordeal uncomfortable but not as uncomfortable as turned into an equine rail-based speedboat.

"All right, now, here comes the fun part." The three ponies turned to see Discord behind them. Using his strength, the Draconequus lifted up the rails. The three ponies' wheels began moving forward as gravity pulled them along the track. Discord flew up, higher, gaining more altitude until the three ponies were now rolling along at a decent pace.

"Hey, this is pretty good actually," Timely remarked. Barro looked down. Frozen in place, he had become his own cart. As a side benefit, the increase in velocity created a breeze that cooled them down a bit. Unfortunately though, their momentum slowed as they had nothing to keep it it going.

"We're slowing down," Michael realized. They all knew it. Barro turned around to see Discord, still in the air holding the tracks up. They were bent like ropes in his claw-paws. So much for putting faith in Discord.

Just then, Discord dove to the ground. The rails whipped, a curvature was made in them, a wave of motion raced towards the three ponies.

"Oh SHI-" Barro yelled before the wave collided with them. Their hoof-wheels kept them stuck on track somehow, the rails lifted up off the tracks and the three ponies screamed as the wave accelerated them rapidly. Now flying down the train tracks at break-neck speeds, they were traveling much faster than the train. They continued this rate of motion though they knew it was only a matter of time before they ran out again. What exactly was going to happen now?

The three's speed didn't slow down soon though. They entered a train tunnel. Everything became completely dark and they continued inside, still fast.

"Barro, I'm scared," Michael said from behind him.

Barro squinted. His own heart was pounding but he didn't want to tell Michael that.

Timely's voice echoed out through the tunnels as he spoke up. "Did you fellows know this tunnel was almost built by King Sombra himself? But he wasn't able to start becau-"

"Because it would've required him to get screentime, we know," Barro and Michael said simultaneously.

"Hey! I see a light up ahead!" Barro said. "Uh oh," he immediately followed up with.

"What's wrong?" Michael asked.

"It's the train."

"Why is that bad?"

"Because there's no brakes on the chaos train. And we're the chaos train," Barro remarked stoically. He could practically hear Discord laughing through the tunnel. Barro had to admit... he didn't find what was about to happen very funny at all.

In the passenger car, Applebloom heard a loud crash from what sounded like the back of the train. Sweetiebelle looked up over her seat through the windows that led to the rear.

"What is it?" Scootaloo asked.

"It looks like... three ponies just smashed through the door of the back car," Sweetiebelle said.

"Ha," Scootaloo said, pulling herself up to take a look for herself. "I bet those guys don't have tickets."

"I don't think they need them," Sweetiebelle said. "It looks like the train conductor's with them."

"Huh," remarked Applebloom. "What someponies won't do for a free ride," she said.

Comments

[Flash_Magnus]

Oh this was funny

[Barrobroadcaster]

2611545 I'm happy you liked it! What did you like specifically? Could you see it as an episode... albeit for more like a teen audience?

[Flash_Magnus]

2611588

Everything that Discord put you,Michael and Timely through,also all 3 of you crashing into the train at the end

[Barrobroadcaster]

2611609 He does do a lot. The hardest part was trying to control a runaway hoofcart with an outboard motor.

[Flash_Magnus]

2611658

Well at least you wont have to deal with another hoofcart anymore.

[Barrobroadcaster]

2611679 Between you and me, I don't trust Discord. This isn't season 3, meaning he's still going to be put back in stone at some point. What the buck is he gonna do in Canterlot while we're gone?

[Flash_Magnus]

2611699

Hmm,good question,only time will tell I suppose.

[AkemiTheSunbro]

Not sure what this has to do with giant creatures....

BUT I'M DYING!! XD

...Wait, what happened to Night Glider? He always noticed when Pop-Tarts were on sale! HOW ELSE ARE YOU GUYS GONNA SAVE MONEYS ON PASTRIES?!?