Fluttersized 3: Crusadersized

by Barrobroadcaster

Once More, With Science

Laboratory of Dr. Weird
South Jersey Shore

Lightning crackled high in the sky above the abandoned Belle Isle Asylum. Rain poured down on the castle and waves crashed on the jagged cliff walls upon which it sat. Inside the haunted fortress, a different kind of storm was brewing.

"Gentlemen," Dr. Weird announced over the thunder. "Behold! I am writing My Little Pony fan fiction!!" he shouted in declaration.

"Hey, that's pretty neat doc." Steve, the doctor's red-haired lab assistant and the room's only other occupant replied.

"Yes." Dr. Weird began. "I put my heart, mind and soul into each and every word. I love this story more than life itself. In a way, it is my child. My legacy..." the doctor trailed off. The room was silent for a full heartbeat.

"Wow, that's pretty cool doc. What's it about?" Steve asked.

"YOU STEVE!!" Dr. Weird yelled. A ray of light shot out from the doctor's laptop and enveloped the lowly aide. In a flash, Steve was sucked into the pc. On the laptop's screen, a 16-bit rendition of Steve appeared amidst a colorful background resembling Ponyville. "MWUHAHAHAHA! WAHAHAHAHAHA!

"YES, STEVE!!" the doctor shouted. "NOW FIGHT SPIKE FOR THE AFFECTION OF YOUR TRUE LOVE, RARITY!! OH YEAH! THIS WILL BE THE GREATEST CLOPFIC EVER!!!!"

*insert Aqua Teen Hunger Force intro*

Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo were jostled awake as the train stopped. Their wakening noises and yawns were stifled by Applebloom who blocked each fillies' mouth with an outstretched hoof. Applebloom shushed both before their muffled alarms could alert her brother and sister to their position.

The conductor entered the passenger car. Applebloom watched his legs as he got closer to them. Big Macintosh and Applejack presented their tickets as he passed by. The fillies underneath the bench didn't have tickets. If they got caught, it's no doubt they'd get turned in to Applejack or worse: thrown off the train and forced to walk back to the Ponyville. What was worse, dealing with AJ's temper or hoofing it all the way back to Sweet Apple Acres?

Applebloom held her breath as the conductor approached them. She listened to his hoofsteps as he walked by, slowly. When she heard the hoofsteps fade, she let out a silent sigh of relief.

"Lose something?" a voice from behind them asked. The conductor was right behind them! He crouched down and smiled at the three as they turned to face them. "Tickets, please." he said.

Applebloom was at a loss for words. "Uh... um." she stammered, trying to think of something. Her mind was a complete blank, as blank as her backside. As blank as all their backsides.

"You don't have tickets do you?" the conductor asked. The three fillies were shaking underneath the bench, Applebloom's heart was in her throat, Sweetiebelle was on the verge of tears and Scootaloo was twitching uncontrollably.

"So what exactly are you doing here?" the conductor followed up. Again, Applebloom didn't have an answer. She choked and managed an innocent, petrified grin.

"Youthful shenanigans?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. The three nodded. "Do you have your Youthful Shenanigans tickets?" They shook their heads.

"Well, I'm afraid you're not allowed on the train without tickets. We can't just have three unaccompanied fillies... especially blank flanks riding the rails by themselves." he said. He'd noticed their lack of... maturity. That actually kind of hurt more than being discovered. The three of them slowly got up from under the bench. For some reason, Applejack and Big Mac didn't notice despite their close proximity.

"You'll have to wait at the train station while we get this sorted out." the conductor said. The three of them got up and the conductor escorted them to the back of the passenger car. The fillies' heads were hung low as they were led out. Applebloom glanced back to see her sister in conversation with her brother again. She'd see them both back at the farm... hopefully. If they started walking soon, maybe they could get back to Sweet Apple Acres by the time her older siblings returned with the appleuminum.

The conductor led them out of the passenger's car to the door to disembark. Two stallions were on the other side, one a white colt with dark brown hair and a dark brown colt with black hair, sunglasses and a beret. The two were apparently boarding the train as the conductor approached the door. The conductor and fillies noticed the two colts through the window on the door but apparently, the first stallion didn't. He opened the door without hesitation right into the conductor's face. The door slammed the conductor into the wall of the car and he slumped to the floor unconcious in a heap.

"Michael, what the hay did you just do?!" the white colt behind him asked. The first colt was still holding the door as he looked down at the unconcious conductor.

"I think I just K.O'd the conductor." the first said.

"What the buck happened? You're gonna get us thrown of the train." the second said behind him as they both stepped on.

Applebloom didn't know what to think as she saw the two colts enter and examine the conductor.

"He's out cold. Nice job." the white stallion said sarcastically.

"Hey, at least this means we can't get caught for stowing away." the brown one remarked with a smile. The white one sighed heavily and shook his head. The brown one looked over and noticed the three little ponettes standing in the doorway.

"Hey. What are you three doing here? Aren't you a little young for riding alone?" Michael asked.

Sweetiebelle, shakily blurted out everything behind them. "We're stowing away so we can go see Babs Seed in Manehattan and try to get our cutie marks in a city well-renowned for opportunity and good fortune for those with an enterprising and ambitious outlook!" Applebloom muffled her friend's muzzle again, a moment before she revealed everything to the two strangers in a single, nervous explanation.

The two stallions shook their heads in confusion. "You're doing what?" the white one asked.

"Uh, youthful shenanigans?" Applebloom offered an answer.

"Oh." the two realized in unison, understanding. "Well, what are we going to do with the conductor?" the whie pony asked.

"Weekend at Bernie's crossover?" the brown asked enthusiastically.

The white stallion facehoofed. "Help me carry him. We'll... leave him at the station or something." The two grabbed the front and back legs of the unfortunate conductor. The three crusaders simply watched them as they hefted the conductor by his lims out of the train. They propped him up at the side of the station. The two colts stood over him for a second, continuing to argue when the train started moving again.

Quickly, the two turned around, realizing the train was departing.

"No! Wait! We're not on board yet!" the white one shouted.

"Somepony stop that train!!" the other yelled but it was too late. The train was already in motion leaving the platform. The two colts galloped after it a ways, Applebloom, Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo watched as the two ran after them. In a matter of moments though, the train had departed. The brown one grabbed his beret off his head and threw it to the ground in frustration.

"Well, don't see that everyday." Applejack said from behind the three girls. The fillies practically jumped off the floor at the sound of the older sibling's voice. "And what the hay are you three doin' here?" she asked.

"We wanted to come with you to see Manehattan. Maybe we'd get to see cousin Babs again." Applebloom admitted.

Applejack frowned. "The city's no place for three fillies to just go wanderin' off in. Y'all should be back in Ponyville helping Twi and the others peel the cheese off the town!"

"We're sorry..." Applebloom said, their gazes dropping to the floor again.
.
"But since we're already headin' out, ya might as well come along."

Their moods perked up immediately. "Really? You mean it?!" they asked.

"You three stay close to me and Big Macintosh. I was plannin' on stoppin' by your cousins' anyway to ask directions. Now, get your flanks back in the passenger's car and no more snoopin' around. We clear?"

"Yes, ma'am!" The three replied simultaneously. Applejack led them back into the passenger's car, their spirits high and enthusiasm returning.

"By the way," Applejack said over her shoulder. "You know the money fer your tickets is coming out of your allowance right?" Applebloom let out a heavy groan as she followed behind.

Author's Note:

a: Damn it! I can't believe we lost the train!!
MH: How are we going to catch up? We have to get to Neigh York somehow.
a: When's the next train?
MH: Not for hours, we need to get there now!
a: Uh, maybe we could ask Rainbow Dash? She could get us there in a hurry.
*cloud floats by with a sign hanging on it*
MH: "Out to lunch"?
a: That's Dash's cloud. Wonderful.
MH: Um... let me think... King Sombra!
a: Screentime.
MH: Uh, wing spell!
a: Neither of us are unicorns.
MH: Damn it! Why couldn't you make one of us a unicorn or a pegasus or something! Or an alicorn?
a: I don't know! I just sort of came up with something I guess!
MH: Wait! Twilight's balloon!
a: It's still stuck in the cotton candy clouds.
MH: Clouds...? Hey! What about Discord? Wait, crap. He's still stuck in stone.
a: Yeah. They reimprisoned him right after they scraped him off the street.
MH: If only there was a way we could get him out...
a: Hmm... I think I know of a way.
MH: How is that-OW! What the buck?!
a: Hit me back!
MH: What?!
a: Hit me back! C'mon, put 'em up.
MH: What the hay is wrong with you?! What are you-
a: Fight me. We'll create enough chaos that we'll break Discord out again.
MH: That's insane-OW, stop it!
Discord: Not to that I don't enjoy a good brawl but I thought you should know: I'm already free.
a: Discord? Is that you?
Discord: Who did you expect? King Sombra?
a: We both agreed that would require him to get screentime and that's just not happening. How did you get out again?
Discord: Simple enough this time, Flim and Flam fighting in the first chapter is what did it. And I bet you thought they were in there for no reason.
a: Everything ties together too perfectly... it's almost as if-
MH: This entire thing was planned from the beg-mmmphfaahahahahaha! I'm sorry, I couldn't say it with a straight face.
Discord: So you two need a ride? To the Big Apple?
MH: Yeah. Barro and I are going to find Stephen Speilbuck and George Lucolt and find out why they stole our sequel.
Discord: Fluttersized 2, I heard.
a: You heard about it already? But you were set in stone!
Discord: Stone with a 4G connection. Lucolt and Speilbuck were interviewed about it online, they were credited as co-authors.
a: That's a lie! Michael and I wrote it!
Discord: You wrote the greatest clopfic ever?
a: IT'S NOT A CLOPFIC!!
Discord: According to the article it was. And it's been nominated for an award at the Adult Fanfic Awards in Manehattan.
a: WHAT???!!!!
Discord: It has a good chance to win Best Flank, Best Overall Writing and-
MH: It's been nominated to win awards?!! That's it, I'm pissed off about this now!
a: I DO NOT WRITE CLOP!!
MH: THEY STOLE MY CHANCE TO DIRECT THE GREATEST CLOPFIC EVER!
DISCORD: I LOVE YELLING!
Train Conductor: Can I say something?
All: WHAT?!
TC: The next train won't be here for another six hours but we have a hoofcart you can use.
a: Oh...
MH: A hoofcart? Seriously?
a: I don't care. If it gets us to Manehattan, we'll use it.

Comments

[ManWithThePan]

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
You, fine sir, have been keeping the comedy going. My attention is stuck to this story like a fly to flypaper.
DEMOPAN MOUSTACHE CANNON,FIRE!
*bang*