Winter Wrap Up
Continues With
Sparkling Apples
Twilight Sparkle is a bookish unicorn mare one who rarely partakes in excessive physical activity, as such it is unlikely that one would find her dashing through the streets of Ponyville. The sun was beating down from the clear blue sky that only the pegasi of Ponyville had been able to enjoy until today. Today, Twilight was running, scared. Her heart was beating like drum. Her eyes were focused, every step bringing her closer to the tree-library she called home. She was in a trance like state as she dashed through Ponyville. Her body moving to avoid every obstacle in her path like it was never there, a straight stretching path leading her to the home she had lived in for the past two years.
Reaching the Golden Oaks Library, the sun gracefully soared along it's daily path like Celestia was hardly moving at all, yet for Twilight Sparkle, the gears of the sun clock ticking over the beating war drums of her heart were like thunder. She opened and closed the door, locking herself inside to erase the memory of what she had seen. Her heart and brain not wanting to register the view of one of her best friends and a stallion whose heart she thought she was winning back. Her hooves seemed to stop moving inside the library.
Twilight's eyes looked over the main floor of the library like she had never seen it before. Her brain was processing the room again; the table where she had enjoyed a short breakfast with her faithful assistant, the book Big Mac had been reading when she had approached him, the stairs that lead to her bed, each thing taken in during each step as she crossed the main room heading towards the stairs.
The stairs were taken a step at a time by Twilight, feeling like an unrelenting endless set of stairs much like the ones she had faced in the process of defeating Sombra. There were only about twenty in her way, but each step seemed to take an eternity so much so that as she stepped onto the upper floor, the sun was now looking like it had started to sink in the skyline.
Crossing the floor to her bed, Twilight almost crushed Spike's basket in the process. She almost wouldn't have cared, due the way she was feeling at the moment. She slowly used her magic to pull her covers off her bed, revealing the gray stuffed doll she had been looking for. Twilight moved it up to her face and gave the doll a gentle nuzzle. She then put her fore-hooves around the doll bringing it into a gentle big hug and then collapsed to the floor. Holding the doll tightly, Twilight's tears started to stain the fabric a bit. She shook her head again and regained some of her composure as she stood back up, grasping the doll in her magic as she started to head back down to the front door.
It took Twilight less time than it had taken her to get up the stairs than it did to get down them. Her plummet to the floor had taken more time than she had anticipated though, as there was an orange hue to the sky as she started to head towards Sweet Apple Acres.
Twilight was dashing past many of the mares and stallions she had passed earlier in the day. She had her body and mind focused on reaching the destination. She had to, otherwise she might break down again and without help from one of her friends, she wasn’t sure she wanted to let that happen. She crossed the path past her friends cottage leading her to closer and closer to the farm. Twilight was a bit astonished to find that as she came over one of the hills that here was very little left of the snow that had cluttered the fields when she had left. Winter Wrap Up was almost over with the sun above the horizon threatening to dive below with each tick of her internal clock.
Twilight soon found herself in front of the door to the main farm house of Sweet Apple Acres. She gently brought her hoof to the door, gently knocking. She didn't know what she’d find on the other side of the door but she only hoped it wouldn't be Big Mac. Part of her couldn't face him quite yet; she needed the consolation of a certain orange earth mare at the moment. Twilight's prayers seemed to be answered as an orange mare in a stetson opened the door and said, “Twah-light, How dare you keep mah brother out so late... Hang on a sec, where is that big red moron you've had draped over your shoulder all day?”
“I... I, don't know, Applejack. I do know that he's likely with, with R-Rainbow Dash where ever he is.” It was all Twilight could get out before she slumped on the porch, starting to cry profusely.
“Woah there, sugar cube, Rainbow Dash?! Easy, Twah, now come on. Let’s get you something to eat inside and we can talk about it.” Twilight didn't seem to want to move and remained on the porch whimpering as Applejack started to continue, “ Don't worry, Twah we'll make him set things right. After all he's my brother and I can help him see what's right for him,” said a very upset Applejack.
'Darn it Big Mac, why can't ya just be happy with the first one ya picked. RD ain't no kind of mare for you. Ya aint no pegasus and she needs a flier. Yer setting ya both up for major heartache. Ah'm gonna show that lug nut a thing 'r two when he gets home,' Applejack thought.
@%@%@%@%@%
Most the pegusai who had seen Rainbow Dash fall and the incredible run Big Mac had done to save one of their own. The pegusai there congratulated him on saving her life, many claiming it was the most incredible thing they had seen for a fall save. The pair just smiled, heading past them after a few simple nods and waves going into Ponyville.
Since Twilight had taken over the whole of organizing of Winter Wrap Up, she had decided that in the afternoon there should be activities for those who'd like to unwind after their work. Big Mac and Rainbow Dash decided to start with some a few of the carnival games. Being a slightly competitive pair they tried their luck at water squirting game, where ponies would push one of their back-hooves down on a water pumping device using their fore-hooves to aim a spay nozzle, thus attempting to beat every other pony playing to bring a ball to a certain height before the time limit. Rainbow Dash appeared to have the upper-hoof in this event as applying the right amount of pressure in addition to proper aim was required, while Big Mac found that pressing too hard only seemed to get his sprays on the pony hosting this game.
The second game was a strength test; that the pair of Big Mac and Rainbow Dash came around to, while the sun shifted slowly in the sky. Ponies would kick their back-hooves into a target causing a chain reaction of sending a ball up to a certain height along a track. Rainbow Dash took her turn on this game first, and her attempt brought the ball up to a marker which read “Wonderbolt.” Big Mac watched her attempt with interest and was surprised to see her get the ball up to the third lowest mark, he however would not be deterred from his own attempt kicking the target as hard as he could. He sent the ball skyrocketing up to ring the bell where the marker read “Super Stallion.” The top of the game didn't stop the ball; Big Mac had kicked though sending it flying off the bell to hit the target on the dunk tank. Earning him a round of hoof stomps from the crowd as well as a choice of a prize, Big Mac chose a Spitfire Wonderbolts poster for Rainbow Dash.
The sun had slowly slid across the sky while Big Mac and Rainbow Dash played several of the games set up around the market area. They came up to one last stand as the sky started to change to a glimmering orange hue. The sign on the stand read, “Bottle Topple. 3 balls for 1 bit. 1 Topple = Nothing. 2 Topples = 1 bit. 3 Topples = Grand Prize.” One of the two sales ponies who was running the booth came up to the pair saying in a sing song voice. “Step right on up, everypony! For the most challenging, once in a lifetime game, that you've never seen before.”
“Well you've got that right, brother of mine. No pony, will believe their eyes when they see how simple it looks.” The second sales pony seemed to pick up right where the other left off. With his statements, however he moved to pick up three balls from the counter tossing the first at the bottle pyramid with the number one on them. The entire pyramid fell over as the bottles tumbled to the ground. He tossed a second ball at the second pyramid sending it to the ground like child’s play.
The small crowd waited with baited breath to see if he would knock the third pyramid down. The sales pony drew the final ball tossing it towards the final pyramid, and sent it tumbling to the ground. Reassembling them with his magic the secondary sales pony said, “Now who wants to win a grand prize?”
The whole spiel had taken little under five minutes; Big Mac and Rainbow Dash watched a few other sets of ponies try their luck first. There were only a few who managed to even knock the second pyramid down with all three balls, then Rainbow Dash took her turn sending the first pyramid down with one throw. Her second throw knocked all of the second pyramid down as well while her last ball looked like it hit a solid brick wall rather than a stack of bottles. She couldn't believe it she had thrown the ball just as fast as the others.
Big Mac stepped up and put three bits on the counter wanting nine balls. He grinned a bit and took the first set of balls holding them with care in his fore-hooves, almost judging each ball as he picked them up. He then took his first throw, knocking over the first pyramid like so many before him, following it up with a secondary crash of bottles to the floor. Everypony looked on with anticipation for his third toss. He sent it towards the final row of bottles and sent them crashing to the ground just like the others. Big Mac then proceeded to repeat this process for the remaining three sets of balls. “So, do I get three grand prizes then?”
The pair of yellow unicorn stallions just stared slack jawed and wide eyed at every pyramid that fell to the red earth pony only using their green magic to reassemble them. When he asked about three grand prizes they let out a slight unified gulp before one stated, “W-well, good stallion you would be correct.”
“H-however we only have one grand prize to give,” the second stallion finished.
Big mac heard their statements and said in his slow steady tone, “Well if ya can't uphold your obligations, then Ah think ya should return everypony's money.”
Everypony around the booth who had played the game only to lose nodded in agreement. The unicorn brothers levitated the grand prize to the red earth stallion, then started to pass out bits back to the crowd. Big Mac looked over the grand prize, it was a pair of box seats reserved for the Equestria Games. While the location was to be announced, there were a few reserved seats that were up for grabs before regular seating went on sale which was usually determined by the host city.
Moving away from the booth, Rainbow Dash faced Big Macintosh. “How did you beat the game, Big Mac?” she asked.
“Each ball was weighted differently. So Ah threw the lightest at the first set, and the heaviest at the last set. Which, is likely what they did in their demonstration.” He grinned and gave Rainbow a wink as the pair continued away from the booth both of their stomachs let out a gentle rumble. They both laughed and decided to stop by Sugarcube Corner since it was very close by.
The interior of Sugarcube Corner was alight with the remnants of the the holiday season with several fruit cakes adorning the walls, two for one candy canes, and gingerbread men by the dozen. Pinkie Pie had been waiting for this moment all day after Rainbow had told her about following Big Mac all day. Big Mac and Rainbow Dash were sitting together while Pinkie slowly brought out an hot warm apple pie along with her party cannon. Shooting it off above the pair a banner came out with the confetti plastered to the side of their booth that read, “Mac & Dashie's first pie.”
The pair smiled, so happy to be near each other. Mac letting Dash have the first bite of the pie. Today had been magical even with the routine and boring events of the morning. It seemed a shame that it might have to end with returning to Sweet Apple Acres. After finishing the pie they started to wander back through Ponyville, then the big red stallion had a good idea of how to end the day.
Big Mac beckoned Rainbow Dash to follow him to one of the side fences of Sweet Apple Acres, leading her towards a hilly overlook of the land. He brought her closer and closer to the the orchards before slowly came to a stop on top of a barren hill save for two small memorials and as the sun started to turn the horizon red, he looked into Rainbow’s eyes and said, “Ma, Pa; Ah'd like ya t’ meet my marefriend.”
Rainbow Dash was a bit taken aback by Big Mac's words. They had talked about the loss of their parents on multiple occasions, she never expected that his were still on the farm. She had never really looked at the ground as she flew over the farm. As the two stood there in each others hooves, she spoke, “Big Macintosh, is a very special pony to me and I wouldn't like you to feel like you'd lose your son. I just couldn’t imagine anypony else to be with.”
Big Mac just smiled and kissed her again tenderly. “They said ya'll make a fine apple.” He winked at her before continuing, “Lets just enjoy the sunset.”
Setting in the western sky, the sun transformed the orange atmosphere to red and the more they waited, the more it turned into the blue night sky. The moon slowly starts to climb on it's nightly rounds and, before the pair knew it, they were staring at the dark horizon. Just gently nuzzling close to each other, enjoying the cool of the night their bodies just close to each other. The pair of ponies could have stayed there all night long, however the large red stallion didn't want his new marefriend to sleep on the ground.
The pair of earth stallion and pegasus mare made their way to the main farm house where the lights were off. The big red earth stallion had the well toned sky blue pegasus resting against his back as he slowly opened the door, both were giggling a bit entering the darkened living room. The stallion started to head towards the staircase figuring only one pair of hoof-beats would be less conspicuous.
Only to have the lights clicked on menacingly by an orange mare. “Well, well, well, looks like you two sure made a ball out of the rest of the day and evening,” said the orange mare with her father's stetson just above her brow.
Big Mac just looked over at her and noticed there was a huddled purple mass that could be called a unicorn on the couch where he had called his bed for almost three months. He looked in-between the two then directly at Applejack saying, “AJ, sometimes things happen slowly, other times they happen quickly. We have a lot in common much more than Twilight and Ah do. Ah love Rainbow Dash, and not like a lovesick puppy.”
A purple mass on the couch seemed to groan at the sound of Big Mac's voice saying he loved Rainbow Dash, meanwhile Rainbow Dash climbed down from his back to look up at Big Mac with happy eyes putting a wing along his back gently. He proceeded to move a hoof down to gently hold her with one of his large hoofs around her shoulders.
“How can ya know, ya've only known her about a day. What with ya saving her from a life of eating out of a tube for two weeks. Which Ah say she deserves for trying to break ya and Twi up.” The orange mare was on her hooves and glaring back at her brother for any sign of weakness in his voice or his eyes but he stared back at her just as intently.
“Heh, you'd be wrong there, AJ. Mac and I have been hanging out after his shift a lot since Hearths Warming. Had a whole scorned lover's thing going for a while. But after we got past that we really started to talk about anything and everything. We just really didn't admit it till today that we... loved each other,”said an uncharacteristically lovey-dovey Rainbow Dash.
Applejack shot one of her best friends a look that could kill, stomping her hooves on the floor, “No nuth-ing do-ing. I'm not gonna allow you two to be so pleased about this with Twilight a full train-wreck.”
No pony had noticed it soon, Twilight was raising herself up from the couch like a zompony. Having heard the banter so far she walked just around the backside of Applejack. A certain gray toy now resting on her back, her eyes red and filled with sorrow stating in a slow even tone that seemed to raise with each statement. “ W... was everything you said at Hearths Warming a big lie? Why would you even give me a kiss so deeply and passionately if you didn't love me?! Where was she, when... when... you... were lost that night!?”
Unknown to most of the ponies present the last of Twilight's outbursts had made one mare from upstairs very angry. She hated to be woken up in the middle of the night especially if it was because of her own kin. She could hear the increasing volume of the discussion down starts and slowly made her way to the side of her bed and put her hooves down on it firmly making very little noise.
Big Mac turned his face to Twilight's and spoke in his strong, deep voice. “Miss Sparkle, it was never mah intention to lead you on, however, if today was any indication of our relationship. Ah don't think we would make good partners anymore. It's been three months since Hearths Warming and things just aren't the same as they were when Ah gave ya that gift. We're just too different now just like oil and water.” Big Mac paused, attempting to let it sink in before continuing. “ Just take good care of yer-self and ya will find someone one day.”
His words were solid and comforting; somewhere inside her Twilight felt the truth in them. She didn't know what to say as she stood there the weight of loss now actually hitting her like a cart. It was then that Applejack stepped up putting her face in her brother’s and stomped her hooves on the floor again saying. “No ya don't, Macintosh Apple! You're not getting out of this that easy—”
Applejack was interrupted by the sound of hooves on the stairs and the sight of a green elderly earth mare who had her mane in a net. When she reached the bottom of the steps and shouted. “What, in name of zap apples, is going on here? Somepony, anypony, care to explain what ya'll are hootin' and hollerin' about?!”
Yay, more waiting
So Applejack thinks it's okay for Twilight to treat Mac like dirt, but Mac can't even hold a civil animosity for Twilight?
3077845 ya why is that?
Ok so I just got back from doing the important things that needed to be done today besides update this story. Thank you again for reading and I will respond to the comments that need it in this post.
First
3077845
One AJ and Twilight resolved their prime differences on the whole failed relationship with her bro over the course of the three month period before the story. I said this in the story and I feel it gets at the core of the first part of your question. Big Mac let out his animosity for Twilight on the Trees of Sweet Apple Acres the night of Hearth's Warming. I think he's a stallion who lets his feelings out to deal with them and right now I think he knows what he wants and doesn't need to be angry because he isn't.
Secondly
3078086
For starters I need to go right to your fourth statement the only time Big Mac may have been head over heels for Twilight was on and before the time leading up to Hearth's Warming Day. Next his "soul crushing despair" lasted about as long as his tree bucking rampage. I don't feel that he has gone head over heels for Rainbow. Also I've laid bricks throughout the whole story if you look closely. Steady build up is a much better way to start a relationship sometimes even being friends before you know you really have something special together. Soarin and Pinkie Pie had a faster relationship start than Mac and Dash have.
Thirdly
3078450
I refer you to earlier in this post.
Fourth
3079832
She just wants what's best for her brother, and right now she thinks Twilight is what's best. She is being a bit over protective especially since she thinks he's still acting like a lovesick fool. In response to your second question possibly. And in response to your parenthesis absolutely
So Applejack thinks she can just dictate who her brother falls in love with for the sake of friendship? Isn't that the whole concept behind Romeo and Juilet? (True love cannot be selected. You can't force two people to fall in love, especially if they don't want to.)
Wow, um.
Huh.
Well, I need to put some kind of input...
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but, this all went downhill really fast.
The big issue is the sudden change of, well, everything. The introduction of Creme Brulee was...awful. That was the worst thing you could've done in this fic. Foreshadowing a potential replacement love interest for Twilight was as subtle as a solar eclipse. It was so obvious, the readers already know how this fanfic will end, undermining the conflict entirely.
Secondly, there was a huge shift in pacing, with the story and the writing, the latter made obvious by huge grammatical errors. A lot of the sentences in this chapter and the previous had a lot of awkward sentences that didn't end soon enough. The whole thing felt rushed.
The story itself is advancing far too quickly. The huge shift from noon to sunset exposes this pretty blatantly, and I can tell you're having problems keeping the pace of the whole thing together.
A reader will have problems with a fic when their suspension of disbelief slips, when they notice things they're not suppose to see or start to question the possibility of things. And once that is lost, keeping track of the entire thing starts feeling more like a chore.
Sorry, but this soured the fic for me. You need to be more patient with your writing and your storytelling. You won't please anyone picking up the pace like this.
Keep writing.
3084771
This is the harshest criticism I have received since I joined this site. It stings like a knife. I wish I could find somepony to be a grammatical editor for me but it's impossible either you have to know someone personally or get lucky enough for someone to care. I've told every one since I started this that I'm all I've got right now for this story. My friends I know on here have their own issues to worry about and it's unfair of me to ask them or take away their editors. I've always said I've been trying to better myself with everything I put out. What this tells me is that I need to take some more time and repair and rework these two chapters. I hope that I can change your soured perception in time. If I can't then I'm sorry to have wasted your time.
I'll be honest, I agree completely with BlackM. Look, it's not that the story is bad, because I love the concept, but some things just... I don't know, but I think you could have made this story last longer, and I felt the whole story was really rushed. Some parts were a little confusing and hard to read because of the dreadful grammar, but that's okay. Keep working at it, and if you can't find anyone to help you, study up! Read some other fics and see how they present everything. If I need to be more specific, read more fics and look for these things to help you improve your stories.
1: Look at character introduction. This one is crucial, as it could very well make the fic much worse than it has to be.
2: Proper punctuation, capitalization, and well, just grammar in general. Bad grammar could easily make a fic hard to follow, and some people are real stiff about it. You want to please as many as you can, so look for mistakes and proofread more often.
3: Look at how they take their time. By this, I mean look at, if you're writing a romance fic, how the love takes time to develop, and it's spaced out, so as to not flood the reader.
There are others, but not many. Focus on these three. Write write write! It's always good to practice
I think you could very well produce some great stories on this site, and i'm excited to see your development! Work hard, but don't forget to enjoy your writing. Everypony loves when the author loves writing fics as much as they love reading fics!
My best to you, and do continue to write on here, I look forward to seeing more chapters and more stories pop up from you!!
Ok
3312371 i enjoy reading
3313175 as good a reason as any
3314483 you know it
why would you ever put in an oc? even Macintosh shaped caramel( a glitch) would be better
3315033 The character you mentioned is the one I used. According to the list of ponies on [url=mlp.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_ponies]Wiki, His unofficial name is Creme Brulee. I like the character even if he is a "glitch". He is not an OC, I never use OC's except for one story. I said I was working on for a friend where they wanted to be part of the story. So his avatar in Ponyville is an OC, but that's for a friend. I feel there enough background ponies to satisfy a story without creating OC's unless you're directly inserting a yourself or a friend into the personality of their own pony.
Additionally I"m going to remove some posts that have been made to this story that I feel have little to do with my story. If you guys want to chat about the story that's fine, but when you start really moving away from the story I take a bit of offense at it since this my story and you could be discussing these things on your own time in other places.
I really do like this :d please carry on
3460529 Well I'm still working on it, but as I've said in my blogs right now I'm looking at a possible December release for the the final set of chapters. Thank you.
3462893 Awesome, I look forward to it
Good point. Mac had nothing to apologize for until he kissed Twi deeply just for appearances. That was genuinely awful thing to do.
What an asshole. I mean, what unicorn could be so oblivious as to think a passionate kiss might mean something? “Never meant to lead you on”, my ass.