Never Easy...
Perspective: Leonardo
I stared blankly at the mare. Terrible thoughts running through my head as I tried to process exactly what the shell was going on. I tossed the Foot Mask that Twilight was wearing to the ground, far away from her. What was going on? Why was Twilight working for the bad guys? Surely she knew that they were not to be trifled with after the destruction of her home.
Mikey had succeeded, finally, in getting the jail door open. Mikey was watching on, just as awestruck as I was. Frankly, all of my brothers had taken at least some sort of liking for the mare. So why would she stab us in the back like this? Spike waddled out of the cell with Fluttershy in tow, asleep. Wow, when that mare fainted, she really didn't joke around...
"W-What's going on?" Spike asked, prompting Mikey to turn to him.
"Well, you see-" he started, but I interrupted him. Spike already knew where he was, and we can inform Fluttershy after we got out of there. I really hoped we wouldn't have to carry her. I was sure she would wake up soon. The other guard that was working with Twilight had disappeared, leading me to believe that we've been compromised. Also, we had better things to talk about.
"Mikey, hold it. We'll explain later." Twilight rubbed her head, like he had a ginormous headache. I would have apologized for hitting her, but considering the situation, I didn't. "Twilight, you have some explaining to do." I said, as she finally rose to her hooves. Her eyes were somewhat bloodshot, as if she hadn't slept in a while. Her face was also sickly pale, and she looked like she wanted to vomit.
She was dazed, and with her in this state there would be no hope for answers. Our time is limited, and I wanted an explanation. Now. Using my magic, I stepped off of her and hoisted her to her hooves, making sure she was fully balanced before letting go of my telekinetic grip. She shook her head, raggedly. "Thanks."
I said absolutely nothing. I simply growled to show my exact distaste for all of this.
"I-I can explain!" she said, raising up a hoof as if I was going to attack her again. Believe you me, I didn't hit girls. But when they try to literally kill me, then it's a whole different story.
"Get to talking, then." I said. I had no concern for her feelings right then. I did when she stormed out of Fluttershy's cottage, but not anymore. Is this her payback? She gets mad at me, so she joins the other side? Oh boy, I was going to have a good time listening to her try and weasel herself out of this one.
"Look, I'm sorry! There's something weird going on! The ponies-"
"Whoa, cool mask..." Spike mentioned, picking up Twilight's mask. He idolized it for a moment before lifting it up to put it over his head, but Twilight noticed just in the nick of time. She let out a jarred scream and smacked it out of his claws. "YOWCH! What the heck!?" he hollered back. At this point, I didn't even care about the amount of noise we made. We were screwed anyways. Besides, if my calculations were correct, we had around four minutes until we were surrounded by angry, flaming Foot Soldiers.
"Don't put that on!" Twilight yelled, lifting up the mask using her magic. She turned to me, as Mikey scooted just a bit closer. I think he just felt like being included. "There's something strange going on in Ponyville! The ponies in town are all fakes!"
Mikey, Spike and I all raised an eyebrow. Fakes? "Leo, I think you knocked something of hers loose." Twilight frowned, telepathically grabbed one of Mikey's nunchaku, and smacked him across the face with it. Not painfully, but hard enough to get the point across.
"I'm not joking! Have you talked to me in the last day or so?" Twilight asked. I wasn't buying this in the slightest, but I decided to humor her.
"Nope. You got all mad after your house got destroyed and we haven't seen you since." Mikey rubbed his throbbing cheek as he spoke.
Twilight let out a sigh of relief. "Good. Just making sure before I move on-"
"Twilight Sparkle, you have five seconds to explain to me what the heck is going on before I leave you here." I threatened. I was in no mood to play games. I did not actually plan on leaving her, looking back on it. I just needed her to speed it up.
"The ponies in town are all fakes! The Foot Clan, whatever they are, and those masks! I was attacked after I left Fluttershy's, and they put this mask on me. It was under some kind of mind-control and I couldn't control myself when I attacked you!"
"Wait, what?" Spike asked, genuinely confused. To be honest, so was I.
"The real ponies that live in Ponyville were kidnapped! They put this mask on them which completely takes over their minds! The ponies you see in town are fakes!" she concluded. What? Okay, let me get this straight, all of the original residents of Ponyville are under the control of the Foot Clan because of those masks? The real ponies in town are fake, or something, or some kind of...illusion? Okay, now I've seen some weird things in my day, but this made little to no sense.
"So you're telling me..." I looked over at the cowering dragon who was standing next to Mikey. "That this Spike is not the real one?" I asked, prompting Twilight to shake her head.
"Wait! I am the real Spike!! I've always been Spike! Being me is all I know!" said the flailing dragon. Mikey giggled at little bit.
"I said ponies, not dragons. I know for sure that that is the real Spike." Twilight replied. I was going to ask why all the ponies in town would be under the control of the Foot Clan, but not Spike. But then I realized, Spike served little to no purpose to them. They probably took one look at his tiny form, and decided to just let him be. That's... slightly embarrassing.
"Prove it!" Mikey said, abruptly. Twilight cocked her head in his direction. "Well, if you say there's a clone of you out there, let's see it! It'd prove your story correct after all Twilight!" Mikey said. Out of NOWHERE, he pulled out a magnifying glass and began to inspect her. "If that IS your real name!"
Twilight sighed. "Impossible. I took off the mask, so the other clone immediately dissipates." The more and more I listened, the less I actually managed to doubt her. Her face did not show any implications that she was telling falsifications. She looked dead serious as well.
"Mikey...I think she's telling the truth." I said, glancing a little bit at my younger brother, who had stuffed the magnifying glass back...uh... wherever he found it.
"Yeah, me too. So what do we do then? Take the masks off all of the Foot Soldiers?" Mikey asked. Oh man, I really hoped Twilight said no. That sounds exceedingly difficult to pull off. No pun intended. Was that a pun? I'm not funny...
"I-I don't know! We just need to-"
There was a ruckus that was forming just inside of the jail cell. Apparently, Fluttershy was coming to. I let out another sigh of relief. She stood up, rubbing her head. "W-what happened? What's going on?" said whispered. There was a small bruise on her head.
"We're getting out of here. Come on, Fluttershy. We'll explain everything later." Mikey said, however Twilight stepped in front of her, keeping her from getting to the rest of us. I think I just might have knocked a screw loose. Was she turning against one of her best friends now? Part of me thinks she was just overtired. I'm sure she got little sleep, you know, being under mind-control and all.
"No! She's not the real Fluttershy! I said EVERYPONY in town is under control, and that includes her!" Twilight readied her horn, rearing her head to keep Fluttershy from coming with us. A few tears formed in the poor mare's eyes as she took a step back.
"Twilight," she gasped. "I-I've always been your friend, of course I'm real." Oh no. We are NOT doing that whole "which is the real Fluttershy" thing, are we? I really hoped not. When me and my brothers always watched movies where that took place, I would always take a guess at which one was the real one before it was revealed. Every single time I guessed wrong.
"Leo, she isn't real. If anything, she's on the other side." Wait, well I guess that would explain a few things. Why she didn't run away as planned while she was 'distracting' the guards earlier. No, actually it made perfect sense!
Fluttershy got down on her haunches. "No! Please, I am the real Fluttershy! You have to believe me. I'm scared... Spike?" she said, tears freely flowing from her eyes as she turned to the tiny dragon for help. Spike thought quickly, but didn't say anything. I was sure he didn't know what to believe either.
"Why don't we just do what they do in movies, and ask her a question only the real Fluttershy would know?" Mikey asked. For once, my little bro actually had a good idea! Good job, man. Horse. UGH.
"Nope. The clones also keep the memories of the original ponies." Twilight said. I felt so bad for Fluttershy. She looked like she was going to have a panic attack right in that there hallway. She simply kept begging us not to leave her behind, and how scared she was.
I regretted asking the next question the moment it left my mouth. "So what do we do?" Twilight turned to look at me, making sure Fluttershy stayed in her peripheral vision.
"Take out your sword, and slice through her." The second Twilight spoke, Fluttershy's cries quickly turned into desperate sobs. She lied down on the ground, making herself as small as possible as she cried into her mane in absolute fear. She was shaking so much, it was like there was a miniature earthquake just on her side of the hallway.
"What? Twilight we can't do that! What if she IS the real Fluttershy!" Spike said. Y-Yeah! I was totally just going to say that. Besides, even though I had katanas, I never used them to inflict pain, or cut or stab. I mainly use them for defensive purposes. What if Twilight was wrong, and Fluttershy was real? I wasn't sure if I could live with myself being a murderer. Also, Fluttershy just looked so helpless.
"She isn't! I am absolutely sure. Leo, you have to do it now. We don't have much time." Twilight said. I stared at her directly in the eyes, and she watched back. That glint that appeared in her cornea filled me with a feeling of security. I think Twilight knew what she was saying. Also, we really didn't have the time to debate. If I was keeping time correctly, we had about a minute and a half to get out of there.
I unsheathed my sword using my magic, prompting Fluttershy's eyes to widen horrendously. Her face was stained with tears and despair. She hugged the ground, like a little child as her large eyes stared up at me, pleading for mercy. "Please! I-I don't w-want to die." She breathed. I was having second thoughts, but I didn't have the time. I raised up my sword. Fluttershy dug her face into her mane, flinching just a little bit at my motion. She did not wish to see it when my katana sliced her. Mustering up all my courage, I brought the blade down on her, closing my eyes and expecting the worst. I heard Mikey and Spike loudly gasp behind me.
I opened my eyes, expecting the worse.
However, the only thing there was a mixed pile of pink and yellow dust.
"I told you she was fake!" Twilight boasted, slightly proud of herself. My head kind of hurt, I will never do anything like that again. It was a horrible experience, to say the least. "Come on, we have to get out of here! Where is Donnie and Raphael?" she asked. Mikey did the pleasure by answering her question. I was a little jarred at the moment.
"Oh, them and Pinkie went to go get some parts for the Tele-porter!" he said. Twilight looked at me, wide eyed. I wondered why? I thought about what Mikey had said, and what had just occurred before I put the pieces together. Spike and Mikey are catching on as well.
It was a clone.
"PINKIE!" we all said unanimously, before making haste to go and find my brothers, just as the emergency alarm began to engage.
***
We were all perched over the grate, still trying to figure out something to do. There were so many soldiers down there. What were we going to do? There's too many to fight, and it'd be impossible to just sneak through there. We'd get spotted in seconds! Oh man, this was wracking my brain!
"So, now what?" Raph asked.
His question was answered by the sound of a roaring alarm system. The room below us turned a dark red as a loud screeching sound filled my ears. Apparently, Mikey and Leo must have tripped some sort of alarm. Most likely Mikey. He had a knack for bringing unneeded attention to himself at times like those.
At first, I thought that this was a curse, until I thought about it a little differently. When I looked down, all the guards were leaving the room towards the intruders. Leaving the supplies all alone. Haha! Thanks Mikey! I owe you one! Now we just might be able to get the supplies! Piece of cake!
One by one, the Foot Soldiers began to clamor out of the room. It took a minute, considering that there was so many of them to begin with. There was only about fifteen or so left when I felt movement next to me. Pinkiehad her brow furrowed as she raised up her hoof, showing two tiny screws. "Hey, Donnie! You said you needed some supplies, so I went ahead and got started!" she cheered, with an oblivious smile. Raph and I looked at each other, slack jawed.
Please, please tell me those screws aren't for the grate that we are all consistently putting our weight on?
The grate gave way, filling the room with all three of our screams. "YOU IDIOOOOOOT-" Raph hollered at Pinkie as we all plummeted roughly twenty feet to the floor.
Ugh, it took me a minute to get my bearings. The floor is a very hard place, you know. Luckily, my bo staff broke my fall, but not without breaking into a million pieces. Great. I guess I can take back what I said about my staff being extremely durable. I'm sure I can...make a new one? Sigh.
I helped Raph and Pinkie to their feet. Almost immediately, Raph tried to take a swing at the mare, who quickly dodged. "You stupid, dumb, ridiculous, goober!" he screamed. I honestly had to use most of my strength just to keep Raphael from getting any closer to Pinkie Pie, who really didn't seem to be so pleased with herself either.
There was something in my peripheral vision after I had finally managed to calm Raph down. I turned to look, only to feel my heart drop. We were surrounded by what must be twenty Foot Soldiers, all of them carrying a different weapon. They stared us down, simply waiting for the best chance for all of them to strike.
Raph and Pinkie had noticed as well, and I watched as the former groaned and took out his kai's and got in his fighting stance. "That's it! I'm sick of this! I'm sick of ponies, I'm sick of getting hurt in this place! I'm sick of all of it! Time to get out my frustrations!" he screamed, somehow managing to twirl one of his kai's in his hooves. I looked down at my broken staff and sighed, before I laid eyes on something even better.
Pinkie handed my a long, metal rod, roughly the same length as my usually wooden staff. She generously smiled as she gave it to me. "Thanks!" I said. Instead of replying, she just nodded.
"Alright guys. Let's do this."
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Awesome update!
And so the plot thickens! How did the foot clan gain the ability to mind-control the ponies? How are they able to make clones of said ponies? (And for that matter, how would they have gotten a mask on Pinkie? There doesn't seem to be a way for them to do that without her Pinkie Sense going off.)
What... the fuck just happened? No, seriously, what just happened?
Oh, and fifty bits says that is the real Pinkie Pie, or one left over from the Mirror Pool incident.
Since when did this become TMNT 2003 meets MLP FIM meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers?
Still a very nice and truely shocking plot twist.
You suck.
Sai*
Okay, either that has to be the real Pinkie. No way could the ninjas actually sneak up on her and get the mask on. (Pinkie sense.)
Either way, this chapter has been brought to you by M. N. Shamamallama.
Something about this has krang all over it.
What...the...TARTARUS?!
This has produced quite the plot twist.
Quite the plot twist indeed.
~ Super-Brony12
...Been hanging out with Pinkie Pie too much? Been hanging out with Pinkie Pie too much.
Umm... how exactly does she KNOW that? About the clones dissipating? You should at least give some plausible explanation for that, Cyneryk. Like this, the dialogue makes me trust her less, actually.
...making them functionally identical. If all the rest were clones, they surprisingly didn't lead you into a trap so far, ruling out the "they're working for the enemy" theory, meaning that scaring and killing this Fluttershy clone is still a horribly mean thing to do.
Also, how does she know so much about these clones? I don't trust her at all anymore at this point, which is like, the opposite of what you probably intended when writing it.
Plot twist: she enchanted your katana to turn ponies to dust
Really, though, this all seems quite out of character for Twilight.
Corrections, and whoa boy.
> I tossed the Foot Mask that Twilight was wearing to the ground
Tense. "that Twilight [had been] wearing". Otherwise you're tossing it to the ground while she's still wearing it.
> Mikey had succeeded, finally, in getting the jail door open. Mikey was watching on, just as awestruck as I was.
Kinda odd to start two sentences with the same name if no one else is ever even mentioned in between. Looks better if you just use "He" the second time, or even just connect them with a comma with ", and was watching on".
> Spike waddled out of the cell with Fluttershy in tow, asleep
"unconscious" is kinda not the same as "asleep".
> "Mikey, hold it. We'll explain later." Twilight rubbed her head, like he had a ginormous headache.
Giving a line of dialogue and then mentioning Twilight kind makes it seem as if she said it. You should put your dialogue near the part where you mention the character actually speaking, which, in this case, is all the way up there at "I interrupted him."
How I'd handle this:
> and we can inform Fluttershy after we got out of there.
Tense. NEVER use present tense in past tense narration. "we [could] inform Fluttershy"
> like he had a ginormous headache
like [she] had
> Our time is limited
Again, tense. "Our time [was] limited"
> "Impossible. I took off the mask, so the other clone immediately dissipates."
"dissipated". This is all past tense.
> "Mikey...I think she's telling the truth."
> back...uh...
Space after ellipsis
> Mikey said, however Twilight stepped in front of her, keeping her from getting to the rest of us.
Comma after "however". I'd personally also end the sentence after "Mikey said".
> Twilight we can't do that!
Comma after addressing term. ALWAYS put commas around addressing terms.
> What if she IS the real Fluttershy!
For a question which is also an exclamation, you can utilize this nice thing called an "interrobang". Looks like this: "?!"
> My head kind of hurt,
Start a new sentence after that.
> I will never do anything like that again.
Again, tense. "I [would] never do"
> Where is Donnie and Raphael?
"where [are] Donnie and Raphael?" I could excuse this if you shortened it to "where's", but written out, use the correct one.
> Mikey did the pleasure by answering her question.
Not sure if "did the pleasure" is actually a valid expression... "did the honours of", or "had the pleasure to", but this is an odd mix of the two, and neither seems to apply here.
> Spike and Mikey are catching on as well.
Tense, again. "[were] catching on"
> We were all perched over the grate, still trying to figure out something to do.
You started the chapter with explicitly stating the character perspective. If you change the perspective, kindly do remember to explicitly state it again
> There's too many to fight
Tense. This would work in dialogue, but in narration it should be "There [were] too many to fight"
> Pinkiehad her brow furrowed
space missing there.
> I'm sure I can...make a new one?
Space after ellipsis
> Alright guys.
"guys" is an addressing term. Comma before it.
Nerd mode initiate!
Leo actually uses ninjaken, which are straighter than a katana.
MORE
3217484
Jesus Christ Man! There are basic grammar corrections, and then there are 3rd Reich grammar corrections [not to sound like a hypocritical troll, of course (implying that I've acted like a grammar Nazi in the time span I've been on the internet, which I currently can't recall)]. Don't get me wrong, when there are common grammatical errors, I won't mind correcting said mistakes. But I don't put tell the authors the main tenses of how their story should be. There are some brilliant authors that use more than one tense within the same sentence, let alone the entire story. I apologize in advance if I start a flame war. Any responses that counters my opinion wins the flame war automatically.
So many questions: so much required exposition; so much patience to withstand the "wait" of future chapters. Keep up the good work, Cyny.
3226415
He didn't mind me giving his previous chapters the same treatment
Anyway, all I do is point out errors and inconsistencies. It's up to the author to use or ignore my suggestions. Nopony is perfect, but that doesn't mean the story shouldn't strive for perfection, in my humble opinion.
What I do here isn't criticizing the author, by the way, and should never be considered that way. It's just a free service I offer to all stories I read and like. Any one of the authors I do this for can feel free to PM me to help them out with this in advance, to avoid me posting these blocks publicly. It's known in these circles as "getting an editor"
3227231
Ahh...kay-o.
The ponies are clones....anyone getting naruto nostaliga? Anyway, genius idea, pony clones I never would've guessed that. You sir, are a TMNT mastermind ;D
Yay! That was awesome! When will the next one come?
3311439
Good question!
It is actually next in my line of stories to update, so not too long now!
3311439
Very relevant avatar
I don't get it how is pinkie pie a clome??
