Thursday, October 12
I awoke in the morning with my mane a jumbled mess, and my pillow soaked. I sat up all night repeating the question “What could have lead to the deaths?” but I knew there was no logical explanation for any of it. I rose from my bed and stood still a moment. It couldn’t have been you, could it? No. No way. But who else knows Pa? WAS it accidental? Or did Ma do it? Or Gertrude or Helga? OH MY GOODNESS NO. I need to stop blaming ponies for his death. It was absolutely accidental. Or at least that’s all I could believe. Pianos usually don’t fall out of the sky, but I mean, how else was someone going to drop a piano on my father?! We have no heavy machinery for carrying such massive objects! I continued to think as I scratched my head. How could it have happened? I can’t clear the image from my mind. My poor father lay flat underneath the heavy musical device… What if it wasn’t accidental? What if aliens did it? Heck, what am I thinking?! Aliens don’t exist! Ponies hardly exist. I stretched and stood from my bed. How could this have happened? It must be supernatural. It has to be unless yesterday, somepony decided to throw a piano at our house. Do other ponies even exist? How are we going to survive without Pa? He was our leader. Our last piece of hope! I’m not sure what we’ll do. I’m not sure how we’ll remove his body and perform the rock ritual. We need a stallion in order to perform the ceremony. We’re hopeless. No one else knows how to harvest the rocks as well as he does! It’ll take days! I need to clear my mind, I thought to myself. I rubbed my eyes and stepped down the stairs one at a time. I heard my mother sobbing at the table. I went out to have some Fruity Pebbles, my favorite cereal, and sat down at the table across from my messy crying mother. She sobbed and removed her glasses, soon to blow her nose again. She yawned and pressed her face on the table.
I said “Ma, it’s okay. Please calm down” before she screamed “HES IN THE LIVING ROOM STILL! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO LIVE HERE?! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT PINKAMENA DIANE PIE! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT! APOLOGIZE! APOLOGIZE NOW!”
I started to cry and ask her to stop. I didn’t know what to do.
She grabbed my mane “SAY YOU’RE SORRY!”
I screamed “I DIDN’T DO IT, MA! I DIDN’T DO IT! LET GO! IT HURTS!”
She shoved my face into my cereal. The pebbles hurt my face. She laughed, and continued laughing as I was drowned in my cereal. She did it, I thought. I know she did it. I’m losing air. I.. can’t… breathe… I… can’t.. think… and then my tail twitched, and Ma’s eyes grew wide. She fell onto the ground, and coughed blood.
I like this and I'm going to track it and watch you
I just want the text to be a tad longer!
Nice plot.
Agreeing with Negatorian07.
The text does need to be longer. A max for right now is 532 words. That needs to change. 1000-2500 words.
But, overall, it's good.
I do notice some spacing issues unless it's just me, with all the hyphens.
Woooooowwww half a star. Like the others said, you have grammar taken care of you just need to make it all longer and thats it!
Has Well this is getting good and I do agree that the chapters are a bit short
I like the diary excerpt approach you've opted for, and this is an interesting take on her background. Unlike everybrony else, I like the short chapter format, but I could definitely come to love it if you made longer chapters as well. Tracking!
this is fantastic, but i think it needs more. i like the short chapter format! and the suspense is great. i feel really bad for pinkie though, she doesnt know what is going on!
I'm sorry for the short length of chapters, but it's being worked on in following chapters. I'm glad you like it, and hope you continue reading
I love it! Cute title, and I actually like the short chapters. It's very interesting, and full of suspense. Keep up the great work!