Dang O' Ponies, I Tell You What

by LtMajorDude

SURPRISE!

Sweet Apple Acres

The next day

Cotton and Big Macintosh were busy bucking apple trees.

Cotton smiled. "I think that's the last of dem."

Big Macintosh nodded. "Eeyup"

Cotton glared at Big Macintosh. "If you do that 'Eeyup' thing, I'll kick your ass"

Big Macintosh chuckled. "Don't cha mean flank?"

Cotton laughed. "Well, you git the idea!"

They both started to chuckle.

Despite the fact Big Macintosh says 'Eeyup,' Cotton now respects Big Macintosh, much to Big Mac's relief.

---

A couple minutes later

Cotton was heading home tired. He noticed Hank, Bill, Dale, Kahn, and Boomhauer, who were all walking in the same direction Cotton was heading.

Cotton raised an eyebrow. "What're ya guys doing here?" he asked.

Hank shrugged. "Applejack told us to come here, more specifically, the barn."

Cotton shrugged and headed towards the barn, along with the rest of the guys.

When they opened the doors...

"SURPRISE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"

The guys recoiled backwards, both surprised.

They saw the Mane 6, wearing party hats and large grins.

Bill gasped. "The party!" he said with a smile. "How could I forgot the party that Pinkie Pie was gonna throw! ! !"

The guys looked up to see a banner that said: Welcome to Ponyville Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer, Kahn, and Cotton!

Kahn just sighed. "Great. Redneck party." he muttered.

Bill angrily glared at Kahn. "DID YOU JUST CALL APPLEJACK A REDNECK?-! THAT IS WORSE THAN CALLING HER A BACKGROUND PONY!" Bill shouted in a furious tone.

Kahn shrugged. "So, what?" he said.

Bill growled. "KAHN. You call Applejack a redneck, it'll be the last mare you ever called a redneck."

Kahn growled. "Applejack..." he slowly said.

Bill continued to growl. "KAHN..."

Kahn continued to growl. "isaredneck." he immediately said.

Bill jumped on top of Kahn, beating the daylights out of him.

Hank sighed as Cotton savored the sight. Bill eventually stopped beating up Kahn.

"Well, I feel better." he said as he went to get some punch.

Kahn was lying there with bruises.

Pinkie Pie bounced to him.

"Awwww...Looks like somepony needs a hug!"

She began to hug Kahn tightly, much to Kahn's surprise.

Cotton rolled his eyes.

"Leave it to a woman to turn a welcome party into a love shack..." he muttered.

Dale walked up to Cotton with a large smile on his face.

"Permission to hug you Colonel?"

Cotton pushed Dale.

"DENIED! Go hug your wife! And cut out those lines! It feels like a TV show or something."

Dale frowned. "I can't. I don't know where she is, remember?"

Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared next to him.

"Looks like you need somepony to hug!"

"Looks like you need to read the Bib-"

Before he could continue, Pinkie Pie immediately wrapped her hooves around Cotton.

Cotton just rolled his eyes and let out a growl as she hugged him.

Twilight walked up to Hank. "Is your father always like this?" she asked.

Hank sighed and nodded. "Yeah. Back on Earth he would always take advantage of women like, ugh, slapping their, uh, behinds."

Twilight nodded. She understood what Hank was trying to say.

Hank frowned. "He even taught my son, Bobby, that women should be made to cook and clean for their husbands all day long."

Twilight's eyes widen. "Your son?"

Hank nodded.

"Yeah. Back in Earth, I was married and had a son. My wife is Peggy Hill and my son is Bobby Hill. And...um...a niece named, uh, Luanne. I still wonder if they're OK..."

Twilight put a hoof on Hank's shoulder, surprising him.

"Don't worry. I'm sure that they're fine."

Hank turned around and saw Cotton trying to free himself from Pinkie Pie's grasp.

Hank chuckled at the sight.

"Well. It is a party. Might as well enjoy it."

---

Bill and Boomhauer were snickering at a corner.

They saw Rainbow Dash and Hank putting a fake ball-and-chain on Dale, while he was bobbing for apples.

Rainbow Dash and Hank walked away slowly with large smirks on their faces.

Boomhauer walked up to Dale.

"Hey man Dale why don't you dang o give me a dang ol cider man?"

Dale nodded and, as he went to get an apple cider, he noticed the fake ball-and-chain.

Dale began to panic.

"AHHH! Woah, what is it?-! A BOMB!-! AHHH! I CAN'T LOSE IT! ITS AFTER ME! AHHH!"

Rainbow Dash, Bill, Boomhauer, and Hank stood there laughing their flanks off.

Rainbow Dash had another idea...

---

Bill and Boomhauer were snickering at a corner.

They saw Dale putting a fake ball-and-chain on Cotton, while he was bobbing for apples.

What Dale didn't know is that Cotton knew that Dale was behind him.

Just when Dale was about the walk away, Cotton immediately bucked his short back legs out, slamming Dale's face.

Everypony ran to Dale as Cotton just roared with laughter.

"I'M COTTON HILL. AND I KILLED FIDDYMEN!"

Twilight wondered who this 'fiddymen' was. She will ask him later.

---

Dale and Boomhauer started fighting each other over something.

Hank and Applejack stopped their fighting.

Kahn walked up to Dale and Boomhauer.

"You must settle this like men. ANGRY REDNECK MEN! Blunder busters at 20 paces!"

Hank put a hoof on his head. "Shut up Kahn." he said.

Applejack looked confused.

"What in tarnation's a redneck?" she asked.

---

Nighttime

Hank and his friends were heading home.

Hank waved goodbye. "Thanks again for the party!" he shouted. "It was great!"

Hank's friends waved goodbye, both happy.

Hank smiled. He thought this place was weird, but now he knows he's gonna enjoy this world. Though he still doesn't know why all that happened today seemed so GODDAMN familiar!