101 - The Sword and the Scone
Chapter 101 – The Sword and the Scone
Her head still rang as she stumbled earth knows where down the long steel hallways before regaining her balance. Pinkie would never have thought that the big explosion would cause this much unnecessary chaos. Admittedly, she almost wished she was the one who caused it. Sure, a lot of ponies got hurt, but if they had advanced knowledge of it, everypony would have enjoyed it unscathed on top of colorful fireworks, sparklers, and cake.
Mmm, cake. The thought of it caused Pinkie's tummy to rumble, and that caused her to focus on the more important things. Like cake. And finding her friends. Twisted metal rubble blocked the path behind her, and by extension it blocked the path to her friends. Pinkie yelled out a big, "hello" a few times and also a "Polo" for some reason. She then pointed her ear down the hall for a few seconds. Nopony responded, not even an echo. That big explosion sure blew her far.
Guess there wasn't much else to do but find another path. Amidst the dust and gunpowder, Pinkie's nose twitched at the subtle scent of flour. The kitchen was nearby. Hopefully she would be able to find either cake or friends. Finding both would be nice though, and the Pink Wonder hummed a song of sunshine and lollipops as she bounced down the steel halls. Following her nose allowed her to emerge through a double doorway and into a large mess hall larger than that of the Spitfire's. Aside from the winged banners of Pegasopolis hanging on the walls, this place looked dark and drab. Adding a rainbow of balloons and streamers would help color it up, but with the design so Spartan, Pinkie might have to bring in Rarity to give it a big makeover. The whole design of this depressing Factory was bad, but she did not come here to criticize Pegasopolis culture. Her nose turned the pink pony towards the counter, and behind it was the kitchen.
Jackpot. From the end of mess hall, she pumped her legs for a seconds before making a running start. She leapt over several tables and then slid through the counter opening. Pinkie slid to a halt upon her landing, and then she bust open one of the steel cupboards with a quick strike from her hoof with anxious anticipation.
Okay. She expected cake, but all she saw were racks of bread. Pinkie decided not to rush to judgment regarding the diet of pegasi, and she immediately took a bite of one of their loaves.
Yeech! She spat out the tasteless sponge of a food group on the floor. Pinkie took a bite from another loaf, hoping that she ate from a stale batch. Yuck! All the bread looked the same, and all of them, she assumed, were tasteless.
Maybe the cook forgot to add sugar. Pinkie zipped around scouring the cupboards only to find an utter dearth of fun ingredients. No sugar. No chocolate. Not even whip cream. No wonder the citizen-warriors of Pegasopolis were so grumpy. They were missing out in the culinary wonders of earth pony society, and their mess halls were the most boringest places in their country. It almost made her want to blow this place up.
She might as well, anyway. Despite having the super-speedy Pinkie Gear, blowing up holes in the wall would make it a little faster for her to find her friends. Luckily, she stuffed loads of C4 explosives in a few of her Tele-Orbs that she popped out one by one and then placed them at various walls in the mess hall. She made sure to embed capsules of confetti into the plastic explosives so that she would please a pony should they ever witness the explosion from afar.
“I’m gonna blow up the dining hall,” she yelled to nopony in general. “So make sure you’re a safe distance away.
“That’s good advice, Pinkie.
“Why, thank you, Pinkie.”
Pinkie Pie heeded her own words and galloped back into the kitchen where she placed all the sharp knives and glass safely inside several boxes. She then unplugged two refrigerators and moved them towards the middle for her to use as blast shields.
She took a deep breath as she sat on her haunches. Pinkie held the colorful yellow detonator into view and pressed the switch.
Nothing.
She pressed the detonator switch again.
Still nothing.
Pinkie did not expect this sudden gag, and she would be happily surprised if she somehow set it up without herself knowing. Usually it would play out like this: she would fiddle with the detonator as she walked away, and the explosions would start happening behind her a few seconds later to give her a mild shock. Then she would hurry up to the back of the bus captured by her criminal cronies and head off to a tall office building under construction with the hostages.
But that did not happen, because she would not be a criminal or take ponies as hostages. Also, nothing blew up, and Pinkie shoved one of her blast shield refrigerators out of the way as she headed over to inspect her bombs. She immediately caught sight of a mound pile on top of the long counter that she had not seen before. She did not remember putting it there when she ransacked the kitchen and she did not know what it was made of due to the inconsistent lighting. It was very suspicious, and although she felt a tinge of her Pinkie Sense, she needed to check it out.
“Calm down there, twitchy tail,” she said to herself. “Nothing’s going to fall on me yet.”
She suppressed her other body parts as she crept right up to the suspicious mound pile. By then it was too late. Most, if not all her C4 explosives had been piled onto the counter, and a stick of dynamite lobbed towards it from the shadows. The Pinkie Gear reacted to her sudden subconscious surprise, and it zipped Pinkie Pie away as the ensuing explosion and confetti chased her. Her butt slammed on one of the standing refrigerators, knocking it over in the process. Then she tumbled backwards until she slammed against a cold door at the far end of the kitchen.
“A little warning next time!” she cried out. "You… you… party saboteur!”
The explosion caused a huge blaze at the remains of the counter. So much for blowing up the walls. Now she needed to go back the way she came, and fortunately her Pinkie Gear were still active. It would be a piece of cake to quickly zoom over the violent flames.
Except that she felt her skene's gland twitching. Unlike her twitchy tail, which signaled a falling object, a twitchy skene, appropriate since it was located close to her tail, signaled projectiles flying head-on towards a pony. Pinkie reacted just in time, and her glowing Pinkie Gear deflected the hundreds of knives that she thought she had safely stored in boxes.
It was a bad move, for she saw the silhouette of a pony walking into view on the path where she deflected the knives. Pinkie frantically waved her hooves to warn the pony. She might have to zip over and save her, but then something amazing happened.
Turns out, that pony used her claws to catch the hundreds of knives in midair with the tips of her talons. That pony or some other creature briefly held the knives between her fingertips for a second, and then immediately threw them back towards Pinkie faster than its original speed.
Boy, this pony-creature was playing rough. Playing with knives (and bombs) could be fun at times, but this was dangerous. Pinkie could deflect the knives back, but the pony-creature would merely throw them back at her in an endless loop. Somepony was going to get hurt if this continued, and Pinkie allowed the knives whizz dangerously past her to stick to the wall. Some of it trimmed a few hairs off her fur, mane, and tail. Some grazed her skin.
“That’s an interesting ability you have there,” said the tomboyish pony-creature. “No doubt you hypocritical mud ponies stole magic to use against our kind.”
“You’re not so bad yourself,” said Pinkie. “What’s your name?”
The pony-creature that emerged from the shadows was not a pony, but an exotic species Pinkie had only seen in books and television. The dim light of the kitchen fire first illuminated her yellow talons. Then it shone on her white head, yellow beak, and amber eyes. Her black and purple sneak suit covered most of her body except for her lion hindquarters and tail.
“Gilda of Griffonstone,” said the female griffon. “Master of the Griffonstone Martial Arts.”
“My name’s Pinkie Pie," replied the pink pony, "and I like to throw parties and meet new ponies. In this case, new griffons. Wow, that was Griffonstone Martial Arts? That’s so cool! You have to show me more!”
“Oh, I’ll show you more. Few ponies survived my Bladewind Catcher. Let’s see if you can survive this, my Othrus Flying Stinger.”
The griffon unfurled her brown wings, upon which Pinkie felt a change in the air. Gilda drew from her belt two golden chakrams that she spun in her talons before throwing them towards Pinkie Pie, who then shifted in place to avoid the circular cutting blades. However, she felt a twitch in her tonsils. That was a Pinkie Sense signal meaning that a projectile or two were going to bounce back from behind her. This was different from her uvula twitching, which meant that a somepony would be shooting a projectile from behind.
The pink pony reacted fast, and her Pinkie Gear blazed as she made her escape before the chakrams could bounce back and cut her. She needed to make her retreat and come up with a plan to deal with Gilda, and the best way would be to escape the kitchen and the mess hall. Getting the out of the kitchen was the easy part.
Getting out of the mess hall became the hard part, for right when she emerged, the exit doors immediately exploded. Usually she would have seen these coming, and while Pinkie was quick, her mind did not always run at the same speed.
No way in. No way out. Pinkie’s uvula twitched again, and she spiraled out of the way to avoid the two spinning chakrams. Then at the last second, she threw herself flat onto the floor to avoid being beheaded by sword attached to a lion’s tail. Almost immediately she blocked the rapid strikes of Gilda’s talons before being pushed back towards the blazing fire. The chakrams returned to Gilda's talons, and she stood ready to unleash her assault five-point barrage at her opponent.
"Hey, that's really dangerous!" Pinkie cried. "What's your veggie-beef with me?"
“You mud ponies are scum!” cried Gilda. “You take our homeland, you stole our sacred treasure, and you stole Rainbow Dash from me!”
“I had nothing to do with my government capturing Griffonstone. I was probably in jail or something, but the bottom line is that I’m sorry that Gaea took your homeland. Also, while Rainbow Dash and I are now besties, it was Spitfire who brought her to her flock, and she is technically a pegasus who had her wings clipped.”
“Spitfire showing compassion to the enemy makes her lower than Earth Ponies. Rainbow Dash became my best friend after Grandpa Gruff sent me here to train in pegasus Atmos Arts when I was a fledgling. You and your lot seduced her to pacifism, and the only way to regain her honor is to kill you all and kill her.”
“Killing your own friend? That doesn’t make sense. Friends don’t kill friends, because if you do that, you won’t have anypony--I mean, anybody to have fun with. Why not just talk out your problems with Dashie? Or with me? I’m open to an interspecies relationship by the way.”
Gilda replied with a loud lion's roar upon charging at Pinkie again, and the Pink pony somersaulted over the fire and back into the kitchen. Maybe this wasn’t a good time to ask the female griffon out on a date just to test the waters, especially when two deadly chakrams closed in from behind her. The Pinkie Gear engaged themselves once more, and its wielder sped off with the flying weapons bouncing towards her tail.
The Pinkie Gear was well-suited in large open areas and straightaway paths. Sure, Pinkie could use them against a slower-thinking opponent, and as large as the kitchen was, she was at a disadvantage. The large kitchen was structured that she could loop around it several times, but time after time, she found Gilda swinging her sword towards her neck or attempting to pierce her with her rapid-fire talons that was almost as fast as Pinkie herself. Gilda wasn’t a slow-thinker, and it was as if she possessed some “wind-sense” that allowed her to predict where Pinkie was going to end up.
Pinkie had to think of something or else her head was coming off. Perhaps she could bake up a makeshift cake on her loop around the kitchen, but that was easier said than done. On the first loop she tried to pick up a bag of flour, but she rammed headfirst into it. The second loop she tried to grab what looked like yellow mustard, but it fell on her mane and tail. In a panic, she grabbed three loaves of the tasteless bread for who knows what reason, but she certainly wasn't going to eat them. The bread soon became her undoing, for at the last loop, she dropped one and tripped over it.
Pinkie rolled and tumbled straight towards the freezer door, which had been sealed shut until now. Her body knocked the door off its hinges, and she slid across the floor with the two remaining bread loaves in tow. The chakrams bounced around the freezer room and sliced up the mess of long and hanging power cords upon reaching Pinkie. At the last minute, the pink pony held up the two loaves of bread, and managed to lodge the two flying weapons within them.
Now she was trapped, but that was the least of her problems. The cut power cords started bouncing up and down around like snakes, and their sparks began melting the frozen floor. Gilda finally caught up and landed at the doorway with an angry brow.
Wires. Puddle of water. Gilda. Gilda very angry. Wires jumping around like snakes. Puddle of water.
“Hey, Gilda,” said Pinkie. “You really should consider not coming after me.”
“Like heck I would,” retorted the griffoness.
“I’m serious. You really shouldn't come any closer!"
"Shut-up you earth pony coward!"
The tip of Gilda's talon tapped the puddle of water. The electric sparks flowed from the wires, to her sword, and then to her entire body. Pinkie watched sadly as the griffon warrior convulsed and involuntary molt some of her feathers before she fell unconscious.
"I tried to warn you," Pinkie sighed.
Pinkie threw a case of frozen hay on the ground to use as a platform to leap over the electrified puddle of water. She checked Gilda’s pulse and breathed a sigh of relief when Pinkie found out that she was okay. The griffon may had been angry and violent, but Pinkie could sense the pain her heart of losing her friend Rainbow Dash to the rebels.
In the end, Pinkie could not bake a cake for her fallen enemy, and it was not because she had no time. The ingredients were of poor quality, and she settled instead with a scone she had snuck into one of her Tele-Orbs. After propping Gilda against the wall, she placed the scone in one of her talons.
Pinkie needed to make sure that her friends were all right, and she knew of a way to contact them long distance. She shook her body to shake off the remaining Tele-Orbs off from her poofy mane. Right after they fell to the ground, she found that all of them had sharp gashes cut deep into them, and the pencil and paper she was going to use were missing. Bummer.
Suddenly, her tail twitched, and it twitched very hard. She looked up and saw nothing in the burning kitchen that was going to fall on her or on the unconscious Gilda. Now she had a sinking feeling that something big was going to fall on her friends.
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Prostate...? But...only males have prostates...
...unless pinkie has a big secret?
I saw the claws and i went. "I bet that's a griffon. Is it Gilda?"
Reads on.
"IT IS!"
Pinkie chapters are the best chapters. Pinkie, Gilda, and Dash the triangle continues. Be good to see GIlda come back for Dash and Pinkie.
6689004
I fixed it... Though the changes might sound a little more naughtier.
6689769 I don't know why but I find this alternative quite funny
I approve of the appropriate anatomy, however!
Damn, almost xd
I thought it was... well... you-know- which Lord General
...Interesting little bout with Gilda. Seems like she is brainwashed with the whole nation's ideals. Nice of Pinkie to think about her opponent's life like that, even considering said opponent want her and her friends dead. Hopefully, Gilda and the whole nation can get some sense put into their thick skulls soon.
C&Cs:
“That’s good advice, Pinkie.
> If that is a fourth-wall breaking routine, remove the quotation. Otherwise, add the ending quotation.
...she did not know what it was made of due to the inconsistent lightning.
> Correction: ‘lighting’.
I once complained about references in this being horribly forced, that Dark Knight reference was no exception. In the theme of things being pulled out of an arse, is Pinkie seriously hitting on Gilda? And I can't tell but I'm pretty sure Gilda is ripping off Axel from KH, I might be wrong on that though.