Chapter 2
The following Monday, Twilight saw Longsight Spellen in homeroom. She tossed her hair to the side to make her look attractive, then she approached him.
"Hey, Longsight," Twilight said, without a hint of nervousness. "How was the hoofball game?"
"Hi, Twilight," Longsight said. "It was a lot of fun! I wish you could have gone with me."
"Yeah, it's too bad I couldn't make it," Twilight said. She gave a half-laugh. "You know, family business."
Longsight looked at her earnestly. "I wanted to ask you to go with me, but I was nervous," he said. "I mean, you're so smart and pretty and all...I'm sure you already have a coltfriend."
"I've never had a coltfriend," Twilight said.
No, that wasn't right.
"I don't have a coltfriend right now," Twilight said.
Hmmm...that could be better.
Twilight laughed. "You're too nice, Longsight," she said. "But the truth is, I'm not seeing anypony right now."
There. Perfect.
"Really?" Longsight asked, looked excited. "Then...Twilight Sparkle, will you marry me?"
Okay, that's going overboard!
Twilight Sparkle shook her head. She was currently lying in her bed, imagining a conversation for her to have with Longsight when school resumed. She didn't do this often, but—oh, who was she kidding? She did this all the time. Pretty much every night, before she went to sleep, she thought up conversations for herself to have with other ponies.
It was nice, because the conversations were taking place in her imagination, so she could control them. Not once did she ever get tongue-tied or misunderstood. All the other ponies instantly liked her, and she had no problems expressing her emotions.
Unfortunately, since Twilight usually held imaginary conversations at night before going to sleep, she wasn't always sure where the conversations ended, and where the dreams began.
Twilight yawned and fell into a deep sleep.
*knock knock knock*
"Huh?"
*knock knock knock*
"Woah, somepony's at the door."
*knock knock knock*
Thunder Prancey got up from the couch, where he'd been sleeping. He scratched his stomach, which had little bits of food stuck to it, and he made his way to the door. He was surprised to see three fully-dressed guards waiting for him.
"Are you Thunder Prancey?" the guard in the middle asked.
"Woah," Thunder said. "Uh, yeah, that's me. Is there...is there a problem?"
Shining Armor, who was leading the two other guards, shook his head. "I want to talk to you about Twilight Sparkle," he said.
"Twilight...oh," Thunder said. He began to chuckle. "Princess Celestia's pet nerd?"
Shining scowled. "Yes, that's the mare I'm talking about," he said.
"Heh, I knew her several years ago," Thunder said. "The little bookworm thought she was good enough to take me to Prom. What a joke."
"Joke?"
"When she asked me, she was stumbling over the words and everything," Thunder said. "Shaking like a leaf. Hilarious, man. What a whackjob."
"But you agreed to go to Prom with her," the guard said.
"Is that what this is about?" Thunder said. "Dude, I dumped that ugly Twilight [bad word] like a sack of old potatoes, as soon as I found somepony hotter to go with. Not like that was hard, 'cause Twilight's the ugliest little [bad word] I've ever seen. Those stupid bangs—"
Thunder was interrupted when Shining Armor dashed forward and punched him in the face. "Don't talk about my sister that way!" Shining Armor shouted.
Shining Armor was brought in before his superior officer, no less than thirty minutes later. They met in the small blue room which was once a food pantry, but which was now used by the royal guard for interrogations. Shining imagined that the captain was trying to intimidate him by holding the meeting here.
"Disgraceful," Captain Whitewings said. "Just disgraceful. Attacking a helpless citizen like that."
"He deserved it," Shining Armor muttered.
"That makes no difference!" Whitewings said. "A member of the royal guard does not attack unarmed citizens!"
"But he insulted my sister!" Shining Armor said.
"I don't care if he insulted Princess Celestia!" Whitewings said.
"I would," a voice said dryly.
Whitewings turned to see the white-colored monarch standing behind him, looking rather serious.
"Your highness!" Captain Whitewings said. He saluted her.
Celestia waved him aside. "You are dismissed, Captain," she said. "I will take care of this situation personally."
Shining Armor felt a bead a sweat travel down his forehead. Princess Celestia's serious attitude scared him much more than Captain Whitewings. When the captain was gone, Celestia walked towards Shining Armor, her hooves echoing loudly in the room.
"I will give you a fair chance to explain," she said. "What happened?"
"Thank you, Princess," Shining Armor said. "It...it's true. I lost my temper today, and I attacked a citizen."
"Why?" Princess Celestia asked.
"Because he...he was...this is going to sound stupid..." Shining Armor said. "But he insulted my sister, Twilight Sparkle."
"I see," Princess Celestia said, coolly. "What did he say about her?"
"He said she was a joke," Shining said. "And he called her a [bad word] and a [bad word]."
Princess Celestia took a deep breath. It was not every day that somepony swore in her presence. "And why did he say such things?"
"Because he's a horrible pony, that's why!" Shining Armor said. "That's why I went to see him! To teach him a lesson about how to treat mares!"
"How to treat mares...I presume by 'mares', you mean your sister," Celestia said.
"Of course!" Shining Armor said. "You...you didn't see her last night! She was crying! Crying her heart out, over what this jerk did to her!"
Princess Celestia nodded. She had a good idea of what happened now. Shining Armor had taken his role as overprotective brother a bit too seriously.
"So you decided to take matters into your own hooves, and beat him senseless," Princess Celestia said.
"No!" Shining Armor said. "I wasn't planning on hurting him! I just wanted to, you know, intimidate him a little! But when he said those things about Twilight, I just sort of...lost it."
"That's not the only thing you lost today," Princess Celestia said coolly.
Shining Armor threw himself at Celestia's hooves. "Please, don't fire me!" he cried. "If I lose my job, I'll have nothing left! You can't—!"
"Do not worry," Princess Celestia said. "You have not lost your job, you have merely lost break privileges for a month."
"A...a month?" Shining Armor asked.
"That's right," Celestia said. "You won't have time for breaks anymore, because you'll be working kitchen duty."
Shining Armor wanted to complain, but didn't. Kitchen duty was a rather mundane task for ponies in the Royal Guard, but as a punishment, it was one of the lighter ones.
"Yes, Your Highness," he said.
"And of course, I'm going to have to tell Twilight about this," Princess Celestia said.
"Please don't," Shining Armor said. "You'll just upset her, and she told me not to meet with Thunder in the first place."
"She is smarter than you, it would seem," Princess Celestia said. "Dismissed, soldier."
Shining Armor gave his princess a half-hearted salute.
"I'm going to need Mareworth's Guide to Dating, Tailshake's Finding the Right Stallion for You, and a copy of Popular Singles magazine," Twilight Sparkle said. She used her magic to float the list of books to her personal assistant, Spike.
"Uh...any reason why you want these books?" Spike asked. "Usually you want books that are more, uh... booky."
"I have a date this Friday!" Twilight Sparkle said, squealing slightly. "So I have to prepare!"
"Aw, congratulations!" Spike said. "Is it with somepony I know?"
"Nope," Twilight Sparkle said. Even she didn't know who her date would be. Having her brother set up a blind date for her was such a great idea; it took away all the pressure of asking somepony herself. "Now get to it, Spike!"
"Will do!" Spike said, taking the list to the library catalog. Twilight watched him go, then smiled and thought to herself.
I have a date this Friday! Twilight Sparkle thought happily. This is great! Now I'll get to know why the other mares like dating so much!
Oh, but what if I do something wrong, without knowing it? Everypony else has at least three years of dating experience, and I have none. I'll probably make some kind of stupid, first-timer mistake, and my date will laugh at me.
He'll know! He'll be able to tell I have no idea what I'm doing, and he'll hate me for it! Or he'll make fun of me, or worse, he'll be a sicko who tries to trick me into doing something inappropriate!
No, wait. Shining Armor will be there. If my date ends up being a sicko, he can help protect me. Shining will stop him if he tries to kiss me or something like that.
...Is it pathetic that a grown mare has to rely on her brother to protect her? It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. I need my brother to get me dates and to protect me from them.
This is going to be a disaster. I don't know what I was thinking I can't talk to stallions!
I can learn! I have to learn! Otherwise, everything will be horrible!
Oh, who am I kidding? I've tried talking to stallions before, and it's always been a failure. Why should this time be any different?
...Because I'm not going to quit! This time, everything will be better! Right?
"Twilight!"
Twilight let out a small scream, and she almost fell over.
"Woah, are you okay?" Spike asked.
"I...you startled me," she said. "Did...did you get the books I asked for?"
"Not yet," Spike said. He waved a scroll at her. "You got a letter, and I thought you'd want to read that first."
"That's very considerate of you," Twilight said. She didn't need to ask who it was from; Princess Celestia was the only pony who sent Twilight messages. Twilight sat down on her haunches. "Please, read it."
Spike undid the royal seal, then opened the letter. "My faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, today I have some personal matters to discuss with you," Spike read. "An incident came up, involving your brother and a stallion named Thunder Prancey. I do not know what Thunder did to hurt you, but Shining Armor—hey!"
Twilight used her magic to take the scroll out of Spike's hands. "I think I'll read this letter by myself," she said. "Personal matters, you know."
"But who's Thun—?"
"Mind your own business!" Twilight said loudly. "Now get my books!"
Spike almost fell over in fright. "Okay! Okay! Sorry!" he said.
Twilight didn't even notice the effect she had on Spike, as all her attention was focused on the letter from Princess Celestia. Her eyes narrowed as she kept reading, and she let out loud scream of frustration.
"Jeez, must be some letter," Spike muttered to himself. He hadn't heard Twilight scream that loudly since the time she learned one of her library books was overdue.
The doors to the kitchen were flung open. Shining Armor, who was busy peeling potatoes, looked in surprise at his visitor.
"How could you?!" Twilight Sparkle shouted. "I thought you were my friend!"
"Twiley, I can explain—" Shining Armor said.
"I told you to forget about Thunder!" Twilight said. "I haven't seen him for five years! I'm over him by now!"
"It's all a big misunderstand—"
"But you decided to ignore what I said!" Twilight said. "Guess I'm not that important to you, after all!"
"You are important to—"
"You beat him up?" Twilight asked. "Did you expect me to be proud of you? How petty do you think I am?"
"That's not what happened at all!" Shining Armor said. "Let me explain! When I went to see Thunder, I never expected it would end in a fight."
"Really," Twilight said, her voice full of disbelief.
"Really," Shining Armor said. "I went there, because I wanted to know why he stood you up at Prom."
"I told you, I'm over that now," Twilight said. "It's been five years!"
"You are not over it," Shining Armor. "You were crying about it last night!"
"And that's another thing!" Twilight said. "You told the Princess that I cried? Do you know how embarrassing it was for me to getting a letter from her, asking about that?"
"She did that?" Shining Armor asked. "Aw, man, I asked her not to."
"Yeah, well, some ponies obviously don't do what they're told," Twilight said, crossing her forelegs.
"The only reason I went to see Thunder was to ask him about what happened," Shining Armor said. "But when he started making fun of you and cussing you out, I just sort of...lost control."
"He cussed me out?" Twilight asked.
"He said some really horrible things," Shining Armor confirmed. "And I don't care who it is, because nopony says that kind of stuff about my sister and gets away with it."
"Shining, I—rrrrgh!" Twilight said. "Look, it's nice that you want to look out for me, but I'm not a little foal anymore. I don't need my brother to fight my battles for me!"
"I know you're all grown up, but you're always be my baby sister," Shining Armor said. He moved in to hug her.
"Hey, no fair being adorable!" Twilight Sparkle said. "I'm trying to be mad at you!"
But she hugged her big brother, anyway. The two of them never had a single fight when they were growing up; there was no way they would start fighting now.
"...So why did he stand me up at Prom?" Twilight asked.
"He's a jerk who's no good for anypony, especially not a wonderful mare like you," Shining Armor said. "I promise that the pony I find for your date on Friday will be nothing like him."
"I..." Twilight kicked the ground and said, "I kind of have a stallion in mind already..."
"That's great!" Shining Armor said. "Who is he?"
"I'm not going to tell you!" Twilight said. "Knowing you, you'll probably go to his house and beat him up if he says no!"
"That is so not funny," Shining Armor said.
By the time Monday came around, Twilight regretted telling Shining Armor about her kind-of crush on Longsight Spellen. Now her brother expected her to talk to him, even though she wasn't prepared at all.
Steady breathing, Twilight thought. Steady breathing. Remember what the books said. Colts like mares who are intelligent, confident and exuberant.
Step by step, Twilight slowly made her way towards Longsight. "Hello!" she said, in what she hoped was an intelligent way.
Longsight didn't respond.
Twilight's face fell. "Hello?" Twilight asked, in a not-very-confident way.
Longsight remained turned away from Twilight, as if he didn't hear her at all. She bit her lip, debating whether or not to give up and try again tomorrow. The logician in her quickly pointed out that she had yet to try the exuberant mare technique.
"HEY, YOU!" Twilight shouted at the top of her lungs.
Longsight almost fell over, and turned around to face her, an angry look on his face.
That got his attention! Twilight thought happily. Success!
"Ow! Don't yell into my ears!" Longsight complained.
A mare stepped out from behind Longsight. "Yeah, don't shout indoors!"
Twilight frowned. Oh...he was talking to somepony. That's why he didn't hear me...
"I'm...sorry..." Twilight said. "I just...I wanted to...you know...talk about the...the sport with the balls and the hooves..."
"Do you mean hoofball?" Longsight asked.
"Yeah!" Twilight said, relief flooding her body. "You went to a hoofball game, right? How was it?"
"It was great," Longsight said. He wrapped his arm around the mare next to him. "I went with Twinkle here."
"And I'm so glad he asked me," Twinkle said. "We're going steady now."
"Steady?" Twilight asked, confused.
"She means we're together," Longsight explained.
"I can see you standing together," Twilight said. "That's kind of obvious."
"No, we're marefriend and coltfriend," Longsight said.
"We are?" Twilight gasped loudly. "But...but I don't know you that well yet! The book says that in order—"
"Twilight, I'm his marefriend," Twinkle said in a somewhat possessive voice.
"Oh," Twilight said. "Oh. Oh. Oh..." Her ears flattened along her head.
"So, is that it?" Longsight asked. "You wanted to know about the hoofball game?"
"Never mind..." Twilight said. She walked away sadly, feeling very dumb, insecure and not at all exuberant.
Dear Shining Armor,
On second thought, you should go ahead and find a date for me on Friday, after all. The colt I was going to ask is...busy.
Your sister,
Twilight
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Lol.
Seven times that kind of thing has happened to me, and that is why I gave up a long time ago. I am perfectly content just being their friend.
1926449 I've never gone on a date before. Heck haven't even found a girl to ask out, I'm kind of like Twilight, socially akward.
1926449 I haven't even asked a girl out. I kind of socially akward just like Twilight.
1926534 Well I haven't actually asked. The way I go about it is(In high school/collage mind you, in the real world this would never work and get me pepper sprayed, granted saying hi could get me pepper sprayed but still.) I say hi to her and have some basic convos, you know what is you name kind of stuff. Then I start hanging out with whatever social group she is in, mostly just being around them not really truly joining them just being around them. I would sometimes participate in their conversations if I know what they are talking about, 90% of the time I don't so I just absorb the information for later use. Eventually after a month or two we all become friends and they start talking about personal things with me around and around that time is when I find out that she has a boyfriend. So I keep the friends in the group that I made but I move to join another social click.
Creepy and serial killerish I know, but I can't help it I hate rejection and this is the way I get around it.
Sometimes a colt needs his flank kicked, especially a friggin mule like that blockhead. Celestia was right to be lenient, but she still needed to do something. I have a distinct feeling that colt will be getting a surprise visit from the Princess soon. Nopony gets away with hurting a mare under her wing.
There is much more dialog in this chapter. I love it!
Loved the censorship...
still find it funny... favd
The luck she always has is amazing! I wish I could be as lucky as her...
The poor colt has two names huh, Longsight and Farsight...
Better fix that.
2002272 Dude changes his name a lot, I guess. His name used to be "Adam". Thanks for the catch!