Building Walls, Burning Bridges

by MonolithiuM

Chapter 7- Cliches Strike Back

"Alright, so we've got funding," I nodded to Fancy Pants and Fleur.

"We've got publicity," I threw my hand to Quick Script.

"We've got infamy," I poked myself in the chest. "And we have an idea."

Quick Script's nose shriveled. "But replacing quills will be difficult unless your genius invention really trumps them in some way."

I snorted. "Pens are long-lasting, sturdy, require no animals or ink wells, and you don't have to fill them up every twelve seconds." My idea was to start this company off using office supplies.

Staplers, sticky notes, pens, copiers, typewriters, all that crap. And when I finished dominating the office world, I'd move on to other avenues. As long as I kept human technology under wraps and in moderation, my career as an entrepreneur would soar.

As it was, I couldn't see a way of leaving what the ponies called Terran, their planet. Without magic, and with mist-man floating about, I was pretty screwed in my chances of going home. So why not begin a multi-million bit industry?

With Fancy Pants' money, I would be able to achieve a fantastic start, and once Flim and Flam got on board I'd be able to delve into the really juicy stuff. For now, though, I would have to start small and work my way up to ludicrous amounts of gold.

"Okay, so it's a good idea, but ponies don't like change. Just look at Celestia and Luna, they are extremely uncomfortable with this whole suffrage movement by the guards."

I waved my hand about. "Yes yes, Quick Script, you raise a valid point. But may I please ask you to shut your dumbass mouth while I explain to you the Celebrity Sponsor effect?"

Begrudgingly, she did so, and I motioned my hands grandly while I spoke.

"Twilight loves to write about friendship and magic and all that other stupid shit, right? She has to constantly dip her quill pen in ink and go back and forth all day refilling it when it runs out. Now, give a studious bookworm like her a pen, and watch her productivity increase day to day while her sex life reaches 'elderly woman with cats' stage. Instead of wasting what adds up to more than an hour, she saves that time and spends it writing a report on why I'm amazing instead, with plenty of time to masturbate in the bath."

Fleur and Fancy giggled at Script's expression. "Okay, so you're right, what now?"

"Now I go get the damn pen, give it to Twilight, and wait."

They all stared at me. "That's it?"

"That's all we have to do. Easy."

\\\\||||////

"What do you think it is, Princess?"

Twilight poked the box with her magic, not daring to touch the sleek, bluish black cylinder inside it. At its tip was a silvery bullet-like point, and the blue-black metal coated the rest of it mysteriously.

Attached to the box was a letter that read:

Only for Twilight Sparkle. Try not to kill anypony with this, we're trying to wow the country, not massacre them. Love, Mono

Celestia levitated the box over to her sister and herself. "I do not know… You say it's from Mono?"

Twilight nodded. "Yes, that's what it says here."

Luna sniffed. "I would not trust it. Anything that this Mono has to do with just makes me either frustrated or concerned." She looked thoughtful. "But also intrigued…"

They all looked at the box.

"Oooh it's so tempting! I know it must be alien technology! It HAS to be!" Twilight clapped her hooves together rapidly, her excitement impossible to contain. She magicked the box over to her snout, gingerly turning the box over and over while she scrutinized it.

"I still believe it to be dangerous," Luna remarked sourly.

"Whatever we do with this thing, it must be calculated and methodical," Celestia agreed.

\\\\||||////

I decided to enjoy yet another stroll away from the castle. With Shining Armor's victory secured, I had no doubt that absolutely nothing would happen. No, seriously, what did you think would happen? After thousands of years, you really think that the ponies would be accepting of change so quickly? Don't count on it.

"At best he gets a complimentary gift basket." Oh well, it was fun to rile the palace up anyway. It took all of their attention off me, because if you hadn't noticed, I hadn't slept all week!

Who said the pen was the only project I had been secretly working on?

I let out an evil laugh that echoed through the streets quite nicely, startling a few ponies. I have to admit, the idea of an omnipotent being was pretty unsettling, but as long as I took it in stride I assumed I'd be fine.

"Maybe I'll find some kind of griffin eatery or some-" My line of thought was cut off by some rude jackass who decided putting me in a sack would make me feel at home. "How nice of them."

Instead of screaming for help, I snuggled into the burlap and waited to be hoisted away to far away lands, or at least shipped somewhere not in Equestria, like Zebralon. Yes, Zebralon. I actually did get to the library, thank you very much.

While the fact that I could read everything did bug me somewhat, I had more important matters to think about.

Obviously, I couldn't get home. Magic was useless against me and for me, and would serve no purpose in getting me to my rightful place. I couldn't build a ship to fly me home, as I had no idea where in the universe I was. "Unless I'm actually in a different dimension…"

Once again, I had become sucked into my own thought conversation loop, and didn't notice the bickering outside of the dark confines of my bag at first.

"Well, we caught him! You girls got anything?"

"Oh no…" I knew that voice. Southern.

"Nah, nothin'! Come on, what does it take to get a darn Cutie Mark?"

"Brash. Tom-boyish. Emulating Rainbow Dash."

"Well, maybe if we learn about his culture and civilization?"

"…Sweetie… Belle."

I groped about for the bag's opening.

"…Sweetie Belle is…"

My gloves found the opening, and spread the cloth apart. Light poured into the oppressive burlap sack, and I popped my head out into the fresh air free of the pungent smell of sweat and rotten apples. Applebloom stood to my left, Scootaloo right in front of me.

I turned slowly to the right.

"BEST PONY!"

Sweetie Belle screamed as I exploded into a glomping tackle.

I barely heard the coin fall.

\\\\||||////

"Was that Sweetie Belle?" Rarity looked up from a jewelry stand, where its owner was looking absolutely infuriated.

"Are you buying or not?"

Rarity looked back at the mare behind the stand. "Oh, but I don't know if I should get this necklace with rubies or sapphires? Maybe a silver inlay? But I do believe that gold would look absolutely marvelous! Perhaps with a properly dashing hint of amethysts along the clasp?" The fashionista continued jabbering away incessantly.

The vendor groaned and slammed her head into the wooden stall. She then proceeded to attempt to beat herself into a coma before the prissy white mare could talk her into one.

"Ah! Get it off me! Get it off!"

A blur of white and black shot down the street, sending vendors diving out of the way haphazardly. Scootaloo and Applebloom raced after the terrific bullet of monochromatic chaos, shouting for Rarity in a panic.

Recognizing the white streak as her sister, Rarity fired up her magic to restrain the two.

Sweetie Belle stopped, and what Rarity saw she couldn't believe. Mono, albeit slightly larger than her, had Sweetie Belle in a vice grip. His arms wrapped around her barrel, and Mono's eyes were shut tight, his lips pulled into a blissful smile.

Rarity's concern for her sister rose, and she ignited the spell against Mono. When nothing happened, she truly began to worry.

Sweetie Belle hopped up and down, attempting to rid herself of her hitchhiker. "Let go!"

"No."

Sweetie took off running, and the two once again burst into a unanimous blur of unadulterated speed. Scootaloo and Applebloom skid to a halt next to Rarity.

"Rarity! The alien's got Sweetie Belle, and he won't let go!" Scootaloo glanced fearfully as the two clipped a dazed bystander, wincing at the impact. "And they're going really fast!"

"Yeah! The only reason we caught up is 'cause they kept goin' this way and that! I ain't never seen Sweetie move that fast before!"

Rarity swiveled her head to watch Sweetie Belle dart from one side of the street to the other in the blink of an eye. Next she started dashing about randomly, presumably attempting to toss Mono off.

Rarity held her head in order to keep her eyes from rolling out of her sockets. The duo streaked once again across the street, obliterating a cart full of cabbages.

"My cabbag- !" The stallion was thrown into a wall from the collision of the human and pony missile. Sweetie Belle whirled around and stopped suddenly, the momentum throwing Mono from her back at high speed.

Mono blasted through the stand that Rarity had been perusing, sending jewelry hurtling through the air. A piece that caught her eye fell from the skies, and Rarity snatched it quickly.

Putting the bracelet upon her right fore hoof, she giggled girlishly and let the gold band glint in the sun.

"Oh! These emeralds look fabulous!"

Returning their attention to the destruction before them, Applebloom and Scootaloo found Sweetie stumbling about, looking incredibly nauseous. Scootaloo caught her as she fell, the filly unicorn's eyes swirling like turbines.

"Oh my gosh! Rarity, what happened?!"

Applebloom looked up to see Spike with an armful of jewels turn around the corner. He promptly dropped them and rushed to where Rarity, Scootaloo, and Applebloom were. Mono stumbled around next to the shattered cart, before clutching his stomach and passing out.

"Is Sweets okay?"

Rarity nodded. "Just a bit dizzy, darling, no need to rush her to the hospital. Although that ruffian will need to be when I'm through with him."

Spike cocked his head. "Ruffian?"

Applebloom explained the entire situation to Spike, who's gaze widened. "Twilight's been talking about him alot through letters. She said he was rude, cynical, and an all around jerk." Spike looked over at the crumpled black, gray, and tan form of Mono.

"What do we do with him?"

Scootaloo dragged Mono into the street. A small white bubble oozed from his mouth and floated away like a balloon, his eyes two white ovals bordered by black while smoke rose from his head injury. He wasn't moving.

\\\\||||////

I woke again from the pitch, and immediately searched for someone. As if fate had spoken, a pony dressed in a lab coat trotted in. "Mono. Do you know why you're here?"

I still couldn't make the form out, but she was definitely off-white with a red and hazel mane. She sounded like she was scolding me for something or another.

"Uh, I hit a wall?"

She sighed and readjusted something on her face. Probably glasses. "Well, we found no sign of a concussion, even though you hit the wall at high velocity. No. What you are truly here for is your complete lack of sustenance."

"Eh? Food?"

"Due to your extremely heightened metabolic rate, you deplete your energy reserves much faster than normal. According to eyewitness reports and examinations of your stomach contents, by way of a stool sample; you have not eaten for three days exactly."

I blinked. "Three days? Really?"

"Yes really. Not a bite. So, starting now, you'll have to create a diet and we'll inform the chefs. So to start: What food groups comprise your diet?"

I still couldn't see very well, but I could talk just fine. "Breads, meats, dairies, fruits, vegetables, sugars, and fats."

The coated pony cocked her head to one side, and then the other. "All of those?"

I nodded, which made my head sting like crazy. "Yeah… Humans eat meat, oh lordy be, save us all…" I spun my finger around sarcastically.

"It's not a problem, I'm not offended or perturbed. It's just going to be an immense pain in the ass to get all that. Especially meat. We could contact the Griffin Catering Service, or the zebras."

"Zebras?"

"Yes. They import wildebeest and gazelle for the griffins."

"Huh. Who woulda thought?"

"Well… just let me know when dinner'll be ready, and I'll come running."

I made to hop out of the bed, but her hoof pushed me back down. I felt her shiver slightly. "That's another thing I wanted to talk about with you. When you obliterated that cart, you were traveling well over SWP."

"Uh…"

"Standard Wing Power."

"Oh! Kay."

"I would like to know how you accomplished such a feat."

This was quite the predicament. I remember nabbing Sweetie Belle, and then holding holding onto dear life while shivering in excitement.

After that everything looked normal. Ponies were moving really slow though. "Really slow? No way…"

I sat up straight. "How soon can I be reinvigorated?"

"Well, judging by your-" she began, but I cut her off by hopping up in a flash and wearing a massive frown whilst pulling my brows down in determination.

"Trick question. I'm ready now!"

\\\\||||////

"What is he doing now?"

Quick Script stood somewhere off to the other side with a packet of white paper in her magical glow.

I stretched my back and twisted my arms to and fro. I had heard that Rarity was here along with the Crusaders, but they must have been concealed in the crowd of royalty and testosterone.

"This better not waste my time," mumbled Doctor Sure Stitch. She sat with a clipboard in her lap, her front hooves folded in angst. Imagine my surprise that she was an earth pony.

"Okay." I locked eyes ahead of me on a small target. I released my muscles before tensing back up. "Time me, Forrest."

Shade Flight grumbled despondently, holding a timer in his hooves. "Three. Two. One. G-"

My leg muscles exploded, and instantly everything about me slowed down considerably. The grass of the courtyard flung behind me, and I had ample time to examine it and knock it off course with a poke of my gloved finger. Growing concerned, I ran as fast as I could to the target and put my hand against it.

The second I stopped moving my legs, everything caught up. Everypony's head snapped to the target and myself a second later, and the crowd of stallions cheered.

The staff looked as if they might scream, though Twilight probably would've done so from sheer excitement. Doctor Stitch shrugged. "Well, whaddya know?"

Shade Flight looked pretty pissed too. "Thirty-three yards. Two point six three seconds."

I stared at my hand and then at my legs as I hopped from one to the other.

I turned to the ponies and said, "This didn't happen."

Then I walked away and ignored the fact that I could move at thirty-eight feet per second.

"Fucking cliches."

Author's Note:

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. As much as it pains me to do this, it is necessary for the future of this fic. Don't believe me? Okay, fine, don't believe me.

Just trust me when I say that there are and will be major drawbacks for this little ability. Thanks for sticking with the story, and if you read Slime City, be sure to check that out too.

Next chapter of BwBb should be up by at least Monday, if not Sunday.

Comments

[RealityCheck]

...I'm at a loss as to how this is a cliche'?

[ReaperManX15]

2621416
Cartoonish super speed, like Pinkie Pie.

[MonolithiuM]

2621416 Characters with powers. Usually humans when they get to Equestria. This.

[PaxMano33]

the coins dropping thing is driving me nuts! WHAT DOES IT MEAN! is it his consciousness? is that what the man in the mist meant?

[PaxMano33]

oh, and its sunday. so...monday?

[PaxMano33]

if you don't make mono comply to the laws of physics...grumblegrumblegrumble...
well, actually, im not sure how okay with it I would be if he broke the laws of physics. this is a comedic story- the funniest one ive read In a LOOOONG time- and authors who make me laugh can get away with bad writing. to an extent. so, do you plan on giving us an in depth exploration on the details of monos powers or no?

[PaxMano33]

so, he negates magic when he touches ponies or is touched by magic, but he bestows the power of super speed on ponies he touches? interesting...

[PaxMano33]

if mono by nature negates any magic that is used on him, then how did he get into equestria?

[PaxMano33]

HEY! ITS MONDAY! Y U NO UPDATE?!?!?!??!?!