Needs Sugar
“Today, class, we will be learning about percentages.”
A black pegasus hovered in place while holding a piece of yellow chalk. He dragged it against the chalkboard, drawing two circles with a diagonal line between them. The foals in the room regarded the strange symbol with either vague recognition or boredom.
“This is a percentage sign,” he explained, gesturing with a hoof. “It represents how much of something you have, usually represented out of one hundred, and that how much-” he tapped the board for emphasis, “-is a percent. Does everypony understand the concept?”
The teacher looked around the room. The colts and fillies in the classroom stared in utter silence, casting quick glances at each other. The teacher brought his hoof to his face and sighed.
“Of course… Alright, let me attempt an alternate method...” He put a hoof to his short brown beard in contemplation. “Let’s say… there were one hundred candy bars here in St. Ponysburg.”
“But Mr. Novel, there aren’t that many,” a colt in the front said. “There’s probably hundreds that-“
“I’m talking hypothetically!” the teacher groaned, losing his patience for a moment. All the children immediately flinched back in surprise. Novel Idea released a pained breath, and continued.
“Children, this is merely a make-believe example. Now… just pretend…” he shot a quick glare at the colt who spoke previously. “That there are one hundred Candy Bars in St. Ponysburg. Licketysplit, how many Candy Bars did you eat last week?”
The pink pony in the front perked her ears up at the mention of her name. She looked up and began to mouth numbers.
“Six,” she finally said.
“So six out of one hundred…" Novel went to the chalkboard and scribbled a flash of numbers and lines. "You opened six percent of one hundred Candy Bars. Does everypony understand now?”
The class began murmuring, some of them giving “oh’s” and “ah’s” of understanding, and some giving “eh’s” and “uh’s” of confusion. The teacher hummed to himself, glad he got through to at least some of them.
“All right, let’s try another one,” Novel Idea said. He scanned each foal in the room and gave a pensive hum as he searched for his next guinea pig. His instinct naturally was to pick the child that blended in the best, sort of as a joke to himself.
“Sunny Smile?” A yellow pegasus filly with a sky blue mane looked up from her notes. “How many Candy Bars did you eat last week?” Novel Idea asked, turning to the blackboard.
“Ummm…” the filly stuttered. “I… didn’t eat any last week.”
“Oh, that’s okay,” Mr. Novel said. “How many did you eat last month?”
“I… didn’t eat any last month, either.”
The teacher's head tilted away from the board, giving the filly a raised eyebrow.
“Two months?”
“N-No...” Sunny stammered, tightening her legs against the chair.
Novel's eyes widened. “Three?”
“No…”
"Five?"
"No...."
“Good heavens, do you ever eat candy, child?”
“Yeah!” she chirped, brightening up. “I got one for my birthday last year!”
“Last year?” the teacher repeated, eyes comparable to saucers. The class quickly erupted into murmurs and gasps, leaning across their desks to comment on this development.
“One candy bar a year?”
“Man, it must suck to be her.”
“Do her parents hate her or something?”
“No, stupid, she lives on that rock farm.”
Sunny Smile shrunk into her seat, red flushing her frowning face as she pulled up a book to cover it.
Novel Idea's eyes widened. If he didn't do something quick, he would quickly lose control of the room. He walked over to his desk and brought his hoof down on a small bell, causing the classroom to go silent and put their hooves to their mouths. Like most teachers, Novel conditioned the class to become silent following some cue, in this case the sound of the bell.
“Now class, we will have none of that. Let's get back to the lesson at hoof, shall we?" The teacher released a pained breath as he glided over to the chalkboard and resumed his illustration. "Alright, since you ate… one Candy Bar…” he put a noticeable baffled emphasis on the last three words, making the poor filly up front wince in pain from behind her book. “You opened one percent. Now, if there are still some among you who don’t know the pattern, let’s try with a different base. Even though a percent is out of one hundred, the amount represented is not. If-“
Sunny Smile continued taking notes, but all around her she could feel the classroom’s gazes focused on her. She tried to focus on the teacher's words to blot out the eyes boring into her, but their accusing glances were too much. She pulled up her book closer to her flushing face and hid, wishing the day would be over as soon as possible.
“Class dismissed!”
The entire room erupted into cheers. Chaos reigned in the room as the tiny ponies rushed out the door, eager to get out of the educational prison.
“Oh, remember to take the remnants of your afternoon lunches home!” the teacher called after the stampeding children. “I detest having my classroom smell like egg salad after hours!”
The classroom fell into silence, other than the faint sound of giddy children stampeding through the halls. He flew back over to his desk and pulled out a stack of papers. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a yellow filly slowly trudging towards the door, her gaze glued to the ground.
“Sunny?”
“My family is poor, we can’t afford chocolate!” she screamed out loud before shoving her head down to the floor. A few seconds of awkward silence passed with Sunny in a tortoise-like state. She peeked her head up to see her teacher frozen in post-flinch and eyes blinking rapidly.
“A-are you alright?”
“Yes, sir,” Sunny replied on instinct. “I’m fine.”
“I am unconvinced,” Novel Idea stated, shaking his head but not letting his eyes leave her. “What the other children said to you earlier is bothering you, isn’t it?”
Sunny averted her gaze from the teacher, looking down and scraping the ground with a hoof. She wasn't bothered, she was downright mortified. She had been put in the spotlight and gotten a target painted on her forehead that would last for weeks. Her "relationship" with chocolate would surely be the topic of the more vindictive children's gossip and would prompt odd looks from the more reserved ones.
Something touched Sunny, causing her to shudder and look up. Her teacher's hoof was placed on her shoulder. Something inside her prompted her to lean into the leg, and a smile crept up onto her face.
“Sunny, I wish to apologize for embarrassing you earlier,” Novel said, giving her a gentle pat. “It was not my place to pry into something you’re so obviously sensitive about. As a teacher, it’s my duty to ensure a positive, uplifting learning environment, and I will assume the blame for what happened today.Do you forgive me?”
Sunny looked up and nodded.
“Excellent!” Novel Idea chirped, clapping his hooves together, “If any of the other children give you a hard time, let me know, okay?” He pulled out a lollipop from his pocket and handed it to Sunny. “Now have a pleasant evening. Be careful not to slip on the ice!”
Sunny Smile gasped as she beheld the sweet on a stick. “OH MY GOSH THANK YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH!” she squealed. She gave the teacher a quick yet powerful hug, making the teacher seize up in surprise. She then swiped the lollipop out of his hoof before dashing out the door, leaving a very stunned teacher alone in the empty classroom. It took Novel Idea a few seconds to register what just happened.
“What a sweet child.” He sighed, wearing a big smile as he walked over to his desk. “The world needs more children like her.”
Sunny took a scarf out of her saddlebags and wrapped it around her neck, then deposited her treasured lollipop into the bottom. She shivered as brisk wind blew through her thick sky blue mane. Her head tilted up to get a better view of the grey skies. With an innocent grin, Sunny stuck out her tongue and a snowflake landed on it.
“Needs sugar,” she thought as the water crystal melted in her mouth. An idea popped into her head, and with it an excited smile. She broke into a gallop and darted down the sidewalk, nearly slipping on the sleeted concrete.
A thick smell suddenly found its way to Sunny’s nose. She gave a deep inhale, taking in the sweet odor that permeated the air, and slowed to a trot. She recognized these smells all too well: The seductive smell of chocolate, the arousing aroma of vanilla, the sweet scent of sugar, and the friendly fragrance of mint. The sensory overload tickled every pleasure sensor of her brain, causing a small stream to flow from her mouth. Sunny’s eyes closed and fluttered as her mind was assaulted with images of what these smells could possibly belong to, and her being able to sink her teeth in one of those scrumptious-
“OOF!” Sunny Smile grunted as her face became acquainted with a hard metal object. She fell back onto her haunches and whimpered as she rubbed her poor muzzle. Her eyes slowly opened to find the offending object she’d accidentally bumped into.
A large silver gate loomed over Sunny, causing her to shrink back further to the ground. The black bars and wires ornately curved in all directions and ended with sharp points, almost as if they were threatening to stab her. The designs didn’t seem to have a rhyme or reason to them other than basic symmetry.
Taking a deep breath, the little yellow filly moved closer to the gate, suddenly filled with a sudden boldness to get closer than she ever had before. Her magenta eyes once again took in all the awe and glory of what lay behind it, but this time she had a better view.
A large gray building shot upwards, towering over the entire area. It was so high it was almost a beacon; one could maybe see it from the horizon. It resembled a Cathedral, or possibly the Canterlot Royal Palace considering how intimidating and ornate it looked. Three large cylinders stretched up towards the heavens, exhuming black smoke that contrasted greatly with the snowy white clouds.
A banging noise caused the filly to jump. The gate began to vibrate and move outwards, accompanied by a metal screech. Sunny galloped away to the other side of the street and hid herself behind a wall. Her bright eyes peeked out from behind the corner, full of both wonder and fear.
A mechanical hum resounded from inside the archway. The filly poked her head out more to get a better view of what was making the strange noise. A large mechanized red carriage slowly exited the gate, exuding gray smoke behind it. It was soon followed by another, then another. After the twentieth one, the gates closed quickly, leaving little, if any time at all for a pony to squeeze through.
Sunny looked at the last truck. It stopped almost immediately at the first intersection, right in front of a general candy store. She quickly ran across the street to the next corner, staying out of its line of sight.
The doors on the back of the truck opened up. A conveyor belt whirred with a mechanical hum as it extended outwards. Large boxes moved on the black conveyor and dropped unceremoniously on the ground.
“If I can just get a good look…” Sunny squinted her eyes and fluttered her tiny wings. It didn't have any effect, but it felt like it did. Desperate, she stretched her tiny neck up as high as it would go. In front of the automobile, she could make out two-
The doors slammed shut, snapping Sunny out of her concentration. The truck’s wheels screeched against the pavement and sped off. Sunny head drooped as the truck disappeared around the corner.
“Still din’t see, eh?”
Sunny turned around. A stocky dark green earth pony with a navy blue mane stood smiling at her.
“No mister," Sunny replied, slumping to her rump. "It always closes before I can get a good look.”
“Ha ha, well, ain’t dat one o’ life’s big mysteries. What's da meaning o’ life. Do aliens exist. What in Equestria is driving dose trucks?” the stallion chuckled loudly as he hoisted the boxes of chocolate onto his back. “Still… I can’t complain as long as I get my stock. Tings sell like crazy, lemme tell ya. Hey, would ya like ta buy one?”
“Ummm… no thank you, mister…”
“Rancher.” The earth pony smiled. “Jolly Rancher. Alright den. You run on home. Let me know if ya happen ta see what’s moving dem trucks; I’m dying ta know.”
“Alright, bye mister!” Sunny chirped as she continued down the road.
“Oh yeah, don’t talk ta strangers!” He quipped after her.
“I won’t!”
The buildings eventually vanished on both sides of her as she entered the outskirts of town. She trotted into a large clearing outside of the main square and coming off the sidewalk. Her hooves sank into the muck, making strange sloshy sounds as she stepped further into the vacant plot of land. Large half-excavated rocks surrounded her destination: a small wooden shack in the middle of a rock farm.
To say it was falling apart would be an understatement; it looked as if the slightest nudge would send the entire structure crumbling down. All the windows were boarded up, half the chimney was missing, and the entire house was leaning awkwardly to the side. How it didn't collapse under its own weight was a miracle in and of itself. The building itself wasn’t very large; when it was originally made, it probably housed maybe a family of three, but goodness knows how long ago that was. What’s worse was the giant hole in the side of the snow-covered roof, opening the entire house up to the elements.
Sunny Smile trotted over to the door. She prepared to open the door, and paused to take another look at her pathetic excuse for a house. Sunny looked down and sighed.
It wasn’t much, but it was home.
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Willy Wonka. I'd never thought I'd see the day of that crossover. GJ Josh
google.com/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://cdn.instapop.com/assets/memes/Condescending%20Wonka/1172/original.jpeg?1329151643&sa=X&ei=5prHULytK6nOiwK66IDICw&ved=0CAkQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNEmop37jO07cqrjF5YHoe50nimn5Q
Alt. Title: The Sun Always Shines At Midnight With Wonka
1782562
lol
My attention. You have it. *sits and waits patiently for more*
I look forward to seeing more of this. I haven't read the original book or seen the newer of the two movies, so it will be interesting to see not only those elements, but also the MLP elements injected into the story as well. Also, the state her home is in and their financial status... that's REALLY depressing.
But yes, keep up the good work!
I like it so far.
There are a few things I think you could touch up on, one would be to use fewer adverbs. For example:
He sighed how? Adverbs are poor descriptors, as they cut down on the number of words used, and thus the amount of devotion to showing what's going on.
By the way, you're doing a pretty good job of show don't tell so far, IMO.
And since you're sort of new to this whole writing thing, I figured these would help you. They're both informative and amusing. I suggest looking at the crossover guide first, since that's what this story is, although you may want to look at the alternate universe guide for your other story (which I haven't read
).
Wanderer D's How-To guides for writing good FiM fiction
troll.me/images/monocle-guy/exquisite.jpg
There's one thing I don't understand, HOW WAS THE THE TEACHER HOLDING THE LOLLYPOP? We must find out!
Anyways that is a rather nice introduction to your protagonist.
Wow, that is very well written. You did well in detail explanation, with good character introductions as well.
The only problem I ever had with the character Charlie in general, is he seams far too innocent and perfect sometimes. It is great showing how someone with a lot less can make a lot more out of small things, but in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, it'd make more sense if curiosity bit the cat with him, rather than his grandpa pushing him to brak Da Rules.
In fact, it might've been a wiser story decision to have charlie been the very first kid to just sneak something like the soda, then solve the problem easily enough, but be guilt tripped a bit through the movie as other kids break da' rules and be general brats. Then near the end he could tell Willy flat out he broke the rules, have a bit of a thing on integrity, the end.
Wait, i'm supposed to be talking about the story, aren't I?
.....
good job.
Am I the only one hoping that Pinkie is going to be Wonka? I like how you make Sunny sympathetic without going overboard into Mary Sue territory or Snowdrop, they did a good job to try and make us feel bad for her, but they tried too hard, it felt kinda forced. Time to see how this plays out.
nice :) And also...love the names you gave the characters XD