Can't say I'm a fan of the OC character

1795820 Hes only here once.

why was most of this chapter in that scribbly writing :P
i want more twilight killing changelings

1795923 That was Twilight thinking... you'll have to wait for a while before she kills any changelings.

cool

everything is stuck in italic

1795961

Half the chapter is in italics. Go back and make sure you closed all your tags.

1795830 oh thats good, he was a little OP.
good chapter anyways

1796260 Not everything! Most of it... Its Twilight's thoughts. A lot of them are important to her character as the story goes along. Just go with it.

I don't mind the OC, although he sounds kind of Mary Sueish.

1796322 Never read of her. Heard yes, read no.

1796332
A Mary Sue character tends to mean that the character is 'over powered'. So if you had a story, and then include some infinity powerful alicorn who just crushes whoever opposes him/her, then you would call that alicorn a 'Mary sue'. A Mary Sue isn't just a Mary sue because they are powerful though, it could also be that they are too smart, or generally have a feature that allows them to best everything else.

This is a pretty bad explanation, I'm pretty sure Wanderer D has a Blog post explaining Mary Sue's better than me.

1796332 no I mean EVERYTHING! After when she starts talking in her mind you mustve forgot to end italics

1796394 I'll check.

-edit- I looked into it and fixed it.

1796426 Must not have looked too hard. Everything after:

'What the?' She stared at it quizzically. ‘They must have changed the sugar level, I'll need to write a complaint report to the hospital.' She shook her head as she set it down. 'Seriously, ponies could get diabetes or worse if they put too much sugar in the food.'

Is in italics, Talking, thinking, and everything between.

Where the hell is Celestia and her friends? She just tried to kill herself and no-one is there.

1799549 They might have had orders to stay away. She would probably have liked to be alone and her friends bugging her every second on how they'll be there for her would probably not help. And character development...

1795830 the OC charector is either badass or fucking nutzo. HSeo would be PROUD of this fucker!

I am wondering what the color of the nametags mean...
What does the color mean?

2357281 green means user, purple means author.

This is a good story as far as I have read, but you can't have a character try and commit suicide and then just brush it under the rug like it didn't happen.
I mean there was this incredibly tense emotional scene where Twilight nearly kills her attacker...can't go through with it...so try's to kill herself..
Then the next time she is conscious she barely gives any thought to the fact she tried to kill herself, and instead is concerned more with almost killing her attacker.
To make matters worse not one pony mentions her attempted suicide...at all...its not addressed...its not resolved...its just barely touched upon by an OC (Camo) then brushed aside.
Honestly at this point it would make more sense to just go back a chapter and rewrite it to say she accidently fell on a sharp piece of rock rather than having her jam it into her chest herself.
It just makes more sense to have an accident brushed aside and not addressed then an attempted suicide.
I loved the suicide scene! LOVED IT!
But if that beautifully tragic scene is not going to be used for anything then it might be better to just cut it...
Don't get me wrong this is still an interesting story it's just sad to see such a great scene go virtually unused...

"She was white with"

~~~

That sounds wrong

I don’t get you. You pace this thing so fast, that all emotional build up goes out the window before it could gather. Then, when you actually have a semi-successfully heart-wrenching scene, it falls flat the very next chapter.

Hrm. Throwaway shock events. Annoying little checklist.