Well, That Was Unexpected

by Ostrich Man

Chapter 1

“Ow my head hurts like a mother– wait why am I on the floor?” I said as I came to on my hardwood floor. My head feels like Cassius Clay hit me with a haymaker. My back aches a little as well, but not enough for me to worry. I push myself onto my knees and see that I was in my room. I rub my temples to attempt to calm my head, with little success. I put my hand on my nightstand and stand up. I stretch my back and hear it explode with many cracks. I grin with delight from the familiar sound. As I return to my normal standing pose, my brown hair gets in my face and tickles the top of my cheeks. I shake my head in order to move my hair out of my eyes.

“Uhh...” I hear a feminine voice moan and I look over to my left to see a nude girl with long, queer, rainbow styled hair on my bed, barely covered by my sheets. 'Wait,' I thought 'why is there a girl in my bed? I must be hallucinating again. Like that one time with the chicken, Heh.' I look over the girl another time and just stare at her. I can’t determine if she is real or not. 'I'll just have to touch her to see if she is either real or a hallucination. Yeah, that makes sense, right?' As if she is a real sleeping girl, I slowly creep towards my bed, though I am determined that the girl was a figment of my amazingly detailed imagination ‘Maybe I want her to be real, subconsciously.’ .I reach my queen-sized bed and lean over. I have to put my left hand on the mattress to stop myself from falling onto the anomaly under my covers. I extend my arm, with my hand open as if grasping for my sanity–

*CRASH*

I quickly turn my head towards my door, but keep my hand extended. 'Damn cats! They must have knocked the lamp over again.' I return to carefully leaning forward to touch the, hopefully, imaginary girl in my bed. I keep my head focused on the door. After a few seconds of confirming no one else was awake, my hand lands on my blanket and I feel something warm underneath it. I return my focus back towards my bed.

"Fuck!" I exclaim accidentally. I immediately cover my mouth with my left hand.

'Fuck! She is real. How did she get here? I may not remember all of what happened last night, but I do have a vague memory of it and it does not include a girl.' My head is facing the girl now and I realize something. My hand, palm and all, is on her breast, nearly grasping it. 'So she is real and now I'm holding her boob. On a related note, tee hee hee hee hee, I'm touching her boob. Back to sane me. Now the question still hangs in the air.'

“What the fuck did I do last night?” I ask, not having the slightest hint of an answer.

I quickly put on a shirt that is laying on the rim of my hamper and awkwardly struggle into pair of jeans. I walk over to my desk and sit down in my fancy, rolling chair. I notice that my laptop is still on and running a video recording program. I swiftly close the program and all others running and shut the laptop down. I rotate my chair to my gaming computer and open Skype, hopefully receiving some well needed answers. I see that my friend's blip is green and call my friend Tyler. He’s my best friend and has been ever since we started high school. I impatiently begin to chew a nearby pen as I normally do while at my computer. Tyler and I were playing games together last night and if I left my home for some reason and came back with a girl who decided to get naked and pass out in my bed, he would know.

“What?!” he angrily grunts at me as he answers the call. He looks very tired and bleary-eyed. He looks like I just woke him up.

“Dude, you look like shit.” I say jokingly to him.

“Fuck you, now what do you want?” he asks, still mad. 'Yeah,' I thought 'I definitely woke him up.'

“What did we do last night?” I ask getting to the point.

“Uhhh, we Played League of Legends,” he says “and poorly at that. Why?” Before I can answer a faint voice mumbles.

“Ugh... where am I?” the naked girl in my bed says as she wakes.

“No reason, goodbye.” I say as I move to cancel the call and log out.

“Who’s th-” he gets cut off by my computer logging off Skype.

“Ugh, where am I?” the girl asks. “Aah!” the girl screams. Her scream is loud and high pitched. I cover my ears before she ruptures my ear drums. “Wh- who are you?” she asks. Before I can answer I hear a thump.

“Wait,” I tell her “and be quiet.” I open my door just as another one opens.

“What the hell was that?” a gruff voice says.

“Nothing, you're drunk.” I reply.

“Oh, okay.” he goes back and closes his door. 'Whew, that was close. Thank god he is an idiot.' I think before returning to the matter at hand.

“Now then,” I say to the undressed girl, cowering my bed, “who are you and how in the hell did you get in my room?” The girl looks scared.

“Yo-you're room?" she said both scared and curious. At this point, she has moved against the wall and is sitting up with the sheets barely covering her breasts. From what I can tell, she looks to be about my age and thin.

“Yeah my...” I say but stop because the sheet has fallen down to the bed. Exposing her two...'Brain stay focused, don't get distracted. You still have to figure out who she is.' thought the sensible part of my mind. 'But they are awesome, and knowing your reputation around school this is probably the only girl you'll see for a long time. At least legally.' thought the hormone crazed part. I am stunned and kinda aroused, Damn you hormones!. My face is stuck in mid-speech, which causes the confusion on her face to grow. Then she looks down.

AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

She screamed. Her scream was more piercing than the first one. I cover my ears to protect my hearing from any further damage. She didn't stop until my cats ran past her, startling her enough to fall forward off my bed. She fell over and lands on her stomach. I regain movement and rush to my door. My godfather opens his door again and yelled at me

“Who the hell is in there with you.” 'Shit, what do I say.' I thought.

“I turned on my TV and a horror movie started playing and I forgot I turned up the volume so high.” I blurt out, hoping he would believe it.

“Oh, well turn it down.” he commands. He goes back in his room and closes his door. I turn around and go back into my room.

“Okay, who--” I start, but get tackled by the girl.

“What did you do to me?” the girl asked me. I am stunned from being tackled by the naked girl. I couldn't move. 'She's a lot stronger than she looks.' I thought, hoping for a way out of her pin. I can't find one. “Well, what did you do?” she asks again.

“What the hell are you talking about you crazy bitch?” I reply to the naked girl on top of me. “I don't even know who you are or how you got here.” I said.

“My name is Rainbo-” The girl shifts weight and my right arm got loose. I quickly throw my arm up to try and unbalance her, which causes me to accidentally hit the girl. She falls off me and hits the ground with a loud thump. I quickly jump to my feet and look for the girl. I see the girl lying on her side and she isn't moving. ‘She’s not moving. So that means she is either dead or unconscious, preferably the latter.’ I walk over to her and kneel over her body. I put my hand near her nose to feel for breath. I feel air brush my hands and sigh with relief.

“Well then, that problem’s solved,” I say to myself, “Now for the problem of what happened last night. But first...” I walk over to my bed and grab the comforter and a pillow. I walk back over to the unconscious girl and cover her with the blanket and put the pillow under her head.

‘What happened last night. Tyler said that... MY LAPTOP. I didn't hang up till this morning..' I run over to my desk and grab my laptop. I walk back to my bed, sit down and start up the small computer. While the laptop was starting up, I glance at the girl lying on my hardwood floor. She rolled over to her other side. ‘Woo, no spinal damage.’ I thought before returning my attention to the computer on my lap. I type my password in and open the program that records my Skype calls, as fast as I could 'Hey, those pointless arguments we have finally became useful, yay!. Since my memory of last night is almost nonexistent, I have to watch the whole video. While waiting for the portion that could answer all my questions I heard someone open a few doors and start showering. After thirty or so minutes I hear the shower stop and the front door slam. The girl and I are home alone. "Home alone with a attractive naked girl. In another situation this would be the greatest day of my short life." While watching the video, I get most of my memory of last night, but not answering my question. Then I hear the end of our Skype call I start paying very close attention to the video. 'Where the fuck did you come from?' I thought. I'm scared to get the answer I want.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Shit man,” said Tyler after we finished playing League of Legends, “we really sucked tonight.” He stood up and stretched.

“You look like you're about to pass out.” I said to my friend. “Go to sleep, you caffeine riddled fuck.” I told my friend knowing that he drinks way too much soda.

“Sweet dreams to you as well.” he said sarcastically. I saw him go to his bed and pass out immediately. I stood up and stretched. We played League of Legends for eight hours straight, barely moving from our seats. I took off my shirt and threw it in the general direction of my hamper. I start taking off my pants and end up throwing them off in a random direction with my foot. I went over to my door and let my whining cats in for the night. I turned around and saw a flash of white and purple over my bed. I shielded my eyes from the bright flash and when I turn back there was a girl there. I passed out from witnessing what just happen.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Now I remember.” I say to myself playing over in my mind what happened last night. “This explains a lot,” I said “now then, the real question comes to mind.” I move to my desk chair and sit down. “Now then, how in the hell did you get here Rainbow Dash?” I ask myself, pondering any possibility.

Author's Note:

I edited it kinda. A wee bit. It's less suck.

Comments

[Lolsternater]

Umm. I going to read this now... don't delete till I'm done...
Seriously, it's like a comment grave yard here.
Right, onto the story.

Edit: ... Good news! I'm your new editor! Give me your email and I will have an improved version ready in a couple of days. This has great potential and I'm gonna help you get there. I may or may not add some strange ideas of my own, but it will still be your story, and I will send it straight to you. I look forward to getting your email and fixing this before the haters start to bum fuck you.

I will also leave notes on certain parts for grammar and such that you can use as a guide for future stories. Hope to hear from you soon!

[VilkaTheWolf]

Please do more!!!

[Enigmatic Brony]

Keep up the good work, cant wait to read more

[FlutterFan93]

Hmmmmm facilierfan93.deviantart.com/#/d5nfr6i

[Ostrich Man]

I noticed that the story got fucked up when I posted this.

[TEK101]

It was an interesting idea to say the least, and I believe I will continue to read.

[Ostrich Man]

Quick question: does anyone have a problem with me saying Cassius Clay instead of saying Muhammad Ali.

[Account Is Dead]

I gotta say, I really like this story. Which is weird, because I tend to hate stories of this caliber. It's quirky, but funny, and the use of description is done surprisingly well. On top of that, I genuinely like the dialogue. Very quirky, and reminds me of my own life, only a lot better, more Rainbow Dash-y (I will never say 20% cooler) and dare I say sexy.

You definitely characterized Dash well. She reacted accordingly, and I never questioned any instances of her actions, as if they were unrealistic or out of character. Not to mention, your protagonist's interactions; just golden. Very funny, and exactly as I'd react to a sexy, naked woman in my bed, who just happened to be a world jumping pony from my favorite show. One solid moment that stood out to me was how you didn't refer to her as Rainbow Dash until the end of the story. Earlier suspicion would have spoiled it for me, and it's a surprisingly effective cliff hanger.

Though, what I found odd was how he just sort of nonchalantly punched her in the face. That's something I'd have been embarrassed about. Or at least worried about. And there are certain formatting problems that could be touched up. Such as the "Ahh" doesn't really need to have the underlining to it, or even the bold, for that matter. Expressing a scream is something that should be displayed in description, whereas formatting it to express it's boldness is recognized as a cheap aesthetic. I'm not going to criticize your grammar and spelling, because they were done well enough, and as long as I can truly read it without complaint, it doesn't really matter. It's not like you're trying to publicize this.

In hindsight, I think you should continue this story. I'll be following it and anticipating another chapter if you do perhaps change your mind, because I'm loving the idea of a perverted teen hiding a grown woman in his bedroom and from his parents, while looking for a way to get her back, using no source other than the Internet. Though, a full on "adapting to a new life" scenario would be a pretty interesting forethought as well, though maybe a bit extreme. It doesn't help that my pervertedness likes the fact that Dash is still naked at the end of this chapter . Oh boy, how's that gonna be handled! Anticipation!

What I wouldn't recommend, however, is trying anything that's already been done before. Gags used for hiding Dash from the protagonist's parents would be funny, as well as the prospect of introducing her to human life and media entertainment, and teaching her about nudity taboos. What I wouldn't recommend you do is trying to get her into a high school or introducing her to friends or something of that sort. Part of what I like about this genre of human stories is that the whole goal is to keep the new resident of Earth out of public eye or at least make it so that she stands out least in the crowd. Making her adapt to the crowd would spoil that - at least if you start it early on. Also, the high school thing is just really unnecessary. Rainbow's already been taught anything her age should need to know, by now, and I'd imagine she would just like to stay home all day, or just kind of walk around town. It resonates that "coming home from school to your new puppy" feeling, and that's always a plus. But now I'm thinking ahead too much.

I'll be reading whatever update you make, as soon as possible. I think this story has a lot of potential!

Au revoir...

PS: Cassius Clay is a better pick than Muhammad Ali .

[Robobrony]

3091534 can't.....look away....too cute......GAAAAHHH! -dies of cuteness overload-

[Ostrich Man]

3561973 Add another 1 to the pile jim