The Advantages of Being an Alicorn
-The Advantages of Being an Alicorn
The enlightened Twilight Sparkle trotted around her library. Her searching was not to end until she retrieved what she was indeed trying to find. Her mane was tangled slightly, and her eyes were rounded with dark circles resting under them. She was truly frustrated. Her nights had been unpleasant, and brief, and she couldn't seem to fall into that deep desired sleep. Her brain was racked with questions about a particular magic that just seemed to not be very agreeable with her. No matter how hard she tried, she could not in the name of Celestia, transform an apple into a simple orange!
Her options were up, and she was completely overwhelmed with her failing attempts. Her eye slightly twitched as she continued to pace the floorboards. She accidentally turned a bird, and a frog into an orange, due to Pinkie's rambunctious self. So why was it so difficult to do the same on an apple?
Twilight's ordeal wasn't much of an ordeal after all, but to her it was the end of Equestria. Over one little trick she couldn't eat, or sleep. Spike was starting to notice Twilight's odd behavior, but he was too wrapped up in errands for Rarity to actually ask Twilight if she was alright.
Twilight's exaggerations were driving her little purple self insane. She was starting to feel her blood pressure rising, and as soon as the door to her library slammed open, she was positive it had.
A little hyper, pink earth pony busted into Twilight's home without hesitation. She hopped on in, and with a smile greeted Twilight.
Pinkie Pie suddenly took a good long look at Twilight, and realized that she was extra crazy looking today. She gasped a little more than she needed, and her pink mane bounced.
"Twilight are you okay?! You look silly!" Pinkie softly snorted. Twilight was not the slightest amused by this, but she was quite pleased that somepony dropped by to check up on her.
"Oh I'm fine....except for the fact that I'm magically losing my touch! I can't even do a simple spell. Not one! It's driving me crazy! I don't know what to do! I've read all the books on simple spells, and increasing magical skill, but nothing is working!" Twilight breathed heavily. She clenched her teeth, and her eyes became beady.
Pinkie Pie looked at Twilight. Her mouth was open slightly, and she flicked her ear. She looked passed Twilight at all the books that were scattered about the ground. Piles and piles of books were disorderly stacked upon each other. The pink party pony observed the stacks carefully, and contently.
"Then what's this!?" The pink pony rushed behind Twilight to a mound of books, and grabbed one that was stuck under a pile, and was hidden slightly behind the bookcase. Pinkie Pie held out a black book in Twilight's face. It was a book that Twilight had never seen before. The cover was old looking, and was lined with a golden plate. The center piece was of a golden alicorn. The title was Dark Arts.
Twilight looked uncertainly at the book. She was very skeptical of it for it seemed a tad bit sketchy. But reluctantly, Twilight reached her hoof from Pinkie, and started turning through the pages. Pinkie did always seem to find helpful books at the most needed times. Twilight suddenly slammed it shut, and tucked it under her leg.
"Thank you for pointing this one out, Pinkie. It seems quite promising. I hope it does help me with my situation." Twilight gave a sheepish smile to the earth pony who started to bounce up and down.
"Oh you're very welcome! I hope it works out too! That would be great, you know?" Pinkie smiled as largely as her muzzle made possible.
"Mhm...yeah." Twilight timidly swallowed, and looked at Pinkie with a fake grin.
Pinkie, oblivious to Twilight's silent plea for her to leave, started to laugh.
"Ahah.....Would...ahah....would you like to go to Sugar Cube Corner with me...ahaaha..." The pink pony tried to control her giggles as she continued to bounce.
Twilight looked around hopelessly. She searched for a way to let the pink pony down easily.
"Um....I'm terribly sorry, but I have a lot of work to catch up on for my studies..." Twilight attempted to laugh, but aimlessly failed.
Pinkie suspiciously looked at Twilight's obviously fake smile, but then returned her with a larger smile than before.
"Okie dokie loki then! Your studies come first, of course!" Pinkie looked at Twilight with caring eyes before she headed out the door.
"Wait, Pinkie!" Twilight called out.
Pinkie stopped halfway through the door, and turned her head to Twilight. Her puffy pink mane swayed to the side.
"Yes?" Her blue eyes lit up, and her teeth shinned a blinding white.
"What did you come here for? Just wondering.." Twilight let out a slight giggle of her own, and rubbed her leg with her right hoof.
"Oh nothing really, just wanted to check on my bestist, and goodist friend!" Pinkie giggled, and she playfully drew one hoof up in the air.
Twilight felt herself blush. She embarrassingly turned her head over, letting her mane cover up her shameful red cheeks.
"Well thanks for thinking of me, Pinkie." Twilight said in response, she then quickly turned around to her books as if she were studying. She waited until she heard the door close behind her, and then she turned her head to the window next to the door. Twilight could slightly see Pinkie hopping away. She felt herself softly smile as she watched her friend.
'Whoa whoa whoa Twilight, focus!'
Twilight shook her head of all thoughts, and returned to thinking about her magic. She lifted the dark book from under her arm, and swiftly studied the cover. She lined the sides with her hooves, and then set the book down, and she began to turn its pages.
She flipped through the first couple of pages. The spells were all quite odd, and unfamiliar to Twilight. Resurrecting, destroying, killing, restoring, taking, giving, loving, hating.....
She kept on turning the pages rapidly as the spells got more deeper, and deeper. She turned one more page, and she stopped. The title of this spell caught her little eyes. Ultimate Power. Power, magic! It was what Twilight was searching for all along! An increase in her magical abilities. Twilight studied the page, she read every word.
The ultimate sacrifice must be made, to hold the power that you seek. To gain a pegasi's wings, and a unicorn horn's peak. If you want to gain the skill, and magical abilities of a goddess or god. All that's needed is to cast the spell of a dark odd.
Twilight looked peculiarly at the words she was reading. It sounded like something Zecora might say except Twilight couldn't translate a word from it.
Under the rhyme Twilight could see the recipe for a magical spell. It looked extremely difficult to do. What was it for anyways? Twilight read farther along the spell until she reached where it described what it would do exactly.
The spell that has been desired by pony folk for all the ages. The spell that transforms oneself into the most powerful form of all ponies. A transformation spell that turns one into an alicorn. The individual is given unspeakable powers, and is level with the most highest form in all of Equestria.
Twilight was now completely intrigued by this spell. Although it looked extremely hard to accomplish, Twilight was sure that if she tried hard enough she would be able to do the spell. It would just be for practice of course! She would even write a special letter to the princess telling her that she was able to temporarily turn herself into a powerful alicorn! Princess Celestia would be so proud of her! Twilight would be the most high ranked unicorn in all of Equestria if she were able to pull this magic off! She was confident in herself.
Twilight set the black book down on her podium, and read over the casting spell several times. She concentrated all her thoughts into her magic, as she prepared her body for this powerful, and dangerous spell.
"You can do this Twilight! Just think of how the princess will react when you tell her that you can transform into an alicorn like herself. She would be so impressed with you! And besides, it would be pretty cool to be able to see how it's like to be an alicorn, even if it is only for a short period of time." Twilight smiled with confidence. She was prepared to perform this spell that would most definitely change her life.
As Twilight started to perform the spell, she was unaware of the dangers that she was going to face. Twilight's life was indeed about to change, for better or for worse.
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Seems.....epic enough just by description. Will read later.
1756862 Glad it caught your attention
Hope you like it when you do read it 
Definitely intriguing....
XD I'll be tracking this one! It's off to a promising start!
The picture draw my attention. I am not much of an "alicorn Twilight" fan quite the opposite actually, but I love Twilight as a villain and I see a horn an wings on more then just our normal adorkable librarian so I can assume that all the main six reach ascension here.
It is a nice drawing to say the least, but it puts me a little off to see spelling mistakes in the very description. I am putting this on my "to read" list.
sounds interesting but i really don't approve of same sex ships. if it's hints even but i'll still read
1757167 Glad you liked it
1757174 Glad you liked my drawing, and if there are spelling mistakes I'm greatly sorry! I haven't even caught any....I will fix those that I see
1757227 I'm glad
1757377 I'm sorry that you don't approve of same sex ships, but I'm grateful that you are trying it out anyway
1757922
Oh yea I love originally hand-drawn drawings, most people use a computer which just doesn't have the same soul. Let me ask you how long did you use on that drawing?
1757963 I think so too
And it took me about two or three days to draw it, ink it, and then color it completely 
Okay I have read it and I know what you have done wrong. Listen to this
"Pinkie Pie suddenly took a good long look at Twilight, and realized that she was extra crazy looking today."
and this sentence
"Twilight was now completely intrigued by this spell. Although it looked extremely hard to accomplish, Twilight was sure that if she tried hard enough she would be able to do the spell."
Can you see what you do wrong? You are trying to tell us what is happening. That's cute but it's wrong
I'm not trying to be insensitive here, was just trying to do a "two stupid dog reference"
Anyway you have to show us what happens, show not tell. It is boring to be tolled what happens, it is exciting to see what happens. And it is a nice premise you have, but it is not going to be a good story if you can't show it. You need to use adjectives. Don't tell us how the characters feel, show us how they react.
You need to be very concious about your narrative mode. At present your narrator is omniscient as he can just see into the minds of the characters and tell what they are feeling and knows about what is going to happen in the future. That is a dangerous route. It is of course possibly to do anything when you are good enough, but I would try to take an easier narrator type if I were you.
Third person limited is the most popular narrative form because it is the easiest to master and often gives the best result.
The few rules of the third person limited narrator are
1) you don't know the future, so he can't say that anything is going to end badly.
2) he can't see into the characters minds so he has to describe what is happening and what they do. If you want to show annoyance or stress you have to show it with their facial expression and speak patten, he can't just say, "she is annoyed.
3) the narrator is not a subject, is not part of the story and therefore does not use first person "I".
You can also use a first person narrator, that is make Twilight herself the narrator, or use mixed or changing narrating angles, and there are many other more exotic variants out there, but the third person limited are really the most universally applicable.
I suggest you rewrite this chapter. Perhaps desubmit the story while you work out the kinks, don't try to submit a second chapter just yet, you can write it, you can write the whole story, in fact I recommend you doing just that. A full story in this format will be a good help TO YOU, it will give you the skeleton needed for the story that gives it structure and direction. But the story also needs meet.
Perhaps you should join a writers help group like this one to get extra help.
Oh and don't let this discourage you from writing, you can't help but getting better at something that you train at. I wish you luck.
1758984 I appreciate your critical eye, but when I write something, I have my own way. I don't exactly write as an all knowing narrator, sometimes yes, but I do use character expressions, and reactions in my stories. This is only the first chapter. I have other stories too if you need to see my writing style with more depth. Believe me, I don't always give foreshadowing, or explain feelings. Usually only with the main characters. I'm not dissing your advice, in fact I just might use it in some cases for my own benefit, but sometimes I will throw in exact feelings, and slight foreshadowing.
Best. Story . Beginning. EVER
Promising start. I'm hoping for a little flutterdash soon to add to the awesomeness!
1759233 Glad you think so!
1760461 And yess! There is lots of FlutterDash moments to come
I'm not really a fan of Flutterdash (as you can see.) But this won't stop me from reading! Like + Fave
most definently caught my eye can not wait to continue reading