Handsome Jack In Equestria

by East Coast

Chapter 4: Baker Jack, Farmer Jack, Designer Jack, Rainbow Jack... Singer Jack? pt.1

Hooooooooooo man! I got that purple sumbitch! Oh god yes!

You ever get that feeling during sex, when you look at your tough as shit girlfriend and you just see that face?

You know the one.

The one that if anybody else saw they'd just fall over in orgasmic spasms?

No?

Well I guess if everyone were as skilled as me, I wouldn't be where I am, huh?

Ohhhh man...

I mean...

Mmmmm!

SO GOOD!

I gave her a claptrap...

...

Maybe...

Maybe I am evil...

...

NAHHHHHH, bitch deserved it.

I also can't help but draw some lines between Purple and that Tanis chick from back home...

Maybe...

Maybe there's a parallel for all those ass holes on Pandora!

If that's the case...

I may need more parts...
________________________

Twilight Sparkle looked at the little... Contraption set before her by the refugee from another plane. It was a rough, three dimensional, trapazoid. It rolled about on a single wheel and had a single, glowing, green eye. It's thin little scrap metal arms were attached somewhere within it's frame and it seemed able to tuck them in itself to make for... Convenient storage?

Indeed the little robot was... Cute...

"Clop Trot in the tris-ouse!"

But stunningly annoying.

" You know. Because you live in a tree. So, the tree is your house. Tris-ouse... It's a play on of words. So, the slang 'his-ouse' means home, or place but because you don't live in a-

Stunningly, stunningly annoying.

Jack smiled and gave the little bot a push towards Twilight, who recoiled slightly, thinking that it may explode, given Jack's surprising proficiency to cause destruction.

"Jack... How exactly did you start that fire?"

"Oh easy, Hyperion incinderary pistol. Yeaaah I only got about twenty-nine shots left but hell, all your homes are made of wood and hay. If it came to it, I could probably burn this whole damn town to the ground... Not that I would. That's some bandit shit, 'm I right? Spoilers, yeah I am."

Twilight had been wrong.

There was indeed a first time for everything.

This man...

This man...

Was a jack ass.

"Jack... I... Do you realize-?"

"That your house is a frickin' tree? Thaaaat if the fire had caught you'd be one fucked little bookworm? Yeah. Yeah I noticed that."

"And you..."

"Did it anyway? Yup, pretty much. Ahhhh I knew it'd be fine. I mean you keep a dragon around so I figured you wouldn't mind to much."

Twilight thought on this. It was true, though not as potent as a that of a full grown member of his species, Spike's breath could possibly burn down their home...

She made a mental note then to build spike a dog house...

Or fireproof the tree...

"Well... I... I have no place to put you now."

"Ahhh it's fine, ya know, because it was a bed made out of what would become your fecies sooo I'm not really missing out. Plus, building robots and setting poorly made, primitive, crap on fire really wakes me up. Seriously, some wheaty branflakes and a granola and I'll fell right at home... Well, minus all the awesome shit I own."

Jack smiled and passed Twilight briskly, running his fingers through her mane only a little harshly as he passed.

"C'mon Stary Night. Time'sa waistin'."

Jack strode up the stairs, a swagger in his step Twilight only saw in canterlot elitists... And occaisionly Rarity. Twilight sighed and hung her head, realizing the only way to to relieve herself of this examplar of arrogance was to help him get home.

"This is going to be a long day."

Comments

[MyLittleBurger]

[Supergumgum]

jack·ass [jak-as]
1. a male donkey
2. a contemptibly foolish or stupid person; dolt; blockhead; Handsome Jack

[Corrupted Spirit]

Twilight thought on this. It was true, though not as potent as a that of a full grown member of his species, Spike's breath could possibly burn down there home...

*their

[Lucky Alchemist]

second sentence, last paragraph, First word Tilight sould be twilight

[CDR]

This man is insane. I await his meeting with Pinkie.

[East Coast]

1725973
1724520

Thank you both, gimme a minute to fix that.

[East Coast]

1706842

Clop-TROT...

Yeah I stole the shit outta that idea

[Lucky Alchemist]

>>Easternshorebrony no problem, hey where on the east coast are you?

[East Coast]

1748314

The fine city of Boston.

[Lucky Alchemist]

1748444

Nice! I'm from Savannah Ga.

[East Coast]

...
get outta my thread.

[Vinyl Nexus Scratch]

Handsome Jack is arsehole and HILARIOUS!!!!!!!! I lovez it!! Keep going