'Versing Space

by Shadowhawk

Dark Dreams

There was no sound in the void. No shapes or limits. A total lack of anything other than the awareness. Then a flash of white appeared, then instantly vanished back to wherever it came from. A sudden noise of harsh female laughter, its tones dripping with malevolence and spite. Then screaming, the kind that burrows into souls and destroys minds. The noise of bones deep, strong ones, being fractured rang out in response. The scream grows wilder.

The cacophony stops. Another flash of white, staying longer this time, dancing infront of the awareness. For now it had eyes to see and a brain to understand, but no name it. It wasn't ready for that yet. The flash disappeared and the sound of metal grinding on metal began. It makes the brain very afraid, but it does not know why. The noise fades away but the fear remains. The screaming starts again as the eyes see flickers of images, flesh being sliced at by some silver metal, red fluid flowing from the cut and coating the limb. The screaming waxes, wanes and then there is nothing once more but the terrified brain and eyes.

The flash returned, hovering for the longest yet and giggling to itself quietly. Slowly, he realises he knows this thing. The man has reached the field of play, the eyes and brain are now him as he slowly remembers what the whiteness was. What it had done. What it had taken. Why it would not ever let him go. The whiteness started to morph infront of him, taking on a shape with pink eyes. Knowing precisely where this was going, he turned and tried to flee into the darkness. It's soft laugh becoming harder, harsher and all-together more sinister. It whispered to him as the void filled with light.

"Come back my pet. Come back to St-"

---

Farle shifted in the bed, trying to remove the last vestages of that familiar nightmare from his tired and minor injured form. A good body stretching elicited some major bone-clicking noises and the faintest sliver of pleasure. Pushing the covers aside, he patted down his chest. The purple fabric of the skinsuit gently shimmered in response, the display designed to show it was running a full self-diagnostic routine.

He's slept in Twilight's spare bed again. 'That was probably not the best idea.' He mused. 'But she is the only creature here with a huge pile of books and a decent brain. Plus she was pretty insistant I stay last night after she nearly rangled my dangle. Pity there was no horsey-horsey. Could we really do a pony though? We've been through this, yes we could.'

Rolling out of that warm, loveliness he took stock of the room. Twilight's bed was empty, as was Spike's rather cat-like basket. He chuckled, the young dragon even curled himself up like an adorable kitten. A kitten with claws, a magical flamethrower in its mouth and scales. Out the window, the sun hung in the middle of the glorious blue sky and bathed him in warmth. This place is pretty neat! Let me take in that view for a moment... Ok, bored now. Lets find something to do' His stomach rumbled as his skinsuit stopped shimmering. 'Correction, lets find something to eat!

As he opened the door, he noticed the smell of cooking which explained why he'd woken up. At the bottom of the stairs was a white pony who looked like she was waiting for something. 'The Lady Rarity! Hmm. I wonder if she was lying when she called herself 'Lady', like she was married to a lord or something. Lets think about this for a moment. He softly closed the bedroom door and gazed on her.

Her hair was neatly combed into a spiral, which meant she takes time with her appearance. Fur seemed washed and groomed. Horn, so magic, but he remembered Twilight mentioning their cutie marks denoting their special talents. Her's was sparkly star thing for magical ability and the white one's was three diamonds. Hmm. What the hells could that mean? Trophy wife? Gotta be something like that. Oh well, bring on the dickhead Prince personality formerly known as Farle! He walked down those stairs in the most regal manner possible, then spoke.

"Ah, Lady Rarity! How wonderful it is to see you again!" He bowed before the unicorn. "Are you well?"

"Hello, 'Not-a-prince' Farle." She gave him a faintly annoyed look.

Oh. Well bye Prince Farle!

"Ah. Yes. We do.. I do apologise for that little bit of deception. You see.."

"Twilight has already told us about it. From what she explained, you and your friend tend to be greeted with alot less than the hoof of friendship. Especially after what you said about that other magical user, I'm more than happy to accept your apology." She smiled and he returned it. "I was just checking in on you to see if you were settling in alright."

"Lady Rarity, you are too kind. Your friend has been more than helpful with her books, her time and even her home. Thank you for bringing us here."

He smiles, then notices her eyes are not looking at him but rather the collection of Omnisuit components covered in the scrawling checklists of Twilight Sparkle. 'Please don't ask' He thought to himself as her gaze returns to his current attire, the purple skinsuit which is apparently garnering a half-confused half-curious look. She opens her mouth to speak, her question obvious as the human cuts her off.

"Its a skinsuit. Its more comfortable than sleeping in armor. " He evades, then he quickly pats down his chest to trigger the shimmer. "Even looks pretty nice too."

"That is a rather interesting material! I can't say I agree with the cut, but it still is remarkably pretty, wherever did you get it darling?"

"Don't get your hope's too high M'lady. This came from a highly advanced society of technologists in an entirely different universe from this one, same one we got our Omnisuits." 'And weapons' he refrains from saying to her disappointed face.

"Ah well. We have an appointment at the spa, come along then Fluttershy." He looks around the room for the unseen pony, not finding it.

"Err, Rarity... You're the only pony here."

She looks at him like he's crazy, then looks around her for the other supposed pony in the room. As she turns, he catches a tiny shiver of a yellow coat trying to hide behind that maintained purple tail. Rarity spots her.

"Fluttershy, please, let me introduce you to Farle. He's harmless."

There was a quiet 'eep' as she moved aside, revealing the huddled body of a yellow pegusus who was still trying to hide behind her pink mane. She took a tentative look at the strange creature infront of her before recognising it from afew days ago in the forest. Their eyes meet for a moment as he now recognises those large pupils with green irises. He slowly goes down to one knee infront of that terrified pony with a half-smile.

"Why hello there, little one." Farle whispered and got a rather strange look from Rarity. "We've met. Sort of." He quietly explained.

"Hello." Fluttershy whispered back.

"I'm sorry I scared you in the forest, little Fluttershy, I promise I won't hurt you. But when you started talking, you actually scared me!"

"I.. scared you?" She doesn't seem to believe him.

"You were my first." He pauses, laughing internally at his absolutely poor choice of words. "...Talking pony. It surprised me. Come forward alittle bit and we'll have a proper human greeting, don't be afraid."

He offers out his right hand to the yellow pony with a warm smile. She looks at the limb confused, then eventually mimics the gesture with her frontleg. Gasping as he very gently wraps his digits around her hoof, giving it the softest of shakes. After a moment, he gently lets go of her leg leaving a tingly sensation that causes her to faintly blush.

"You have very soft fur." He complimented and her blush went up a notch.

"Ttthanks." Rarity looked at the two, an eyebrow raised before she spoke.

"Well the introductions are finished and its getting late for the spa. Shall we get going Fluttershy?" She mumbled something that sounded like disagreement, but Rarity missed it. "Perfect! I'll see you later Farle"

As they left, he turned to face the veritable pile of scrolls covering his Omnisuit and sighed. In normal times, getting out of the suit would involve snapping some latches near the waist and then pulling the top and bottom parts off. Something that the pony had obviously not known judging from the fact that every latch had been undone, gauntet; pauldron; vambrace; etc. It was only blind luck that the power system was sealed or it would have blown up in her face.

Thinking of the devil, he heard the unmistakable sound of hooves approaching. Running his hands through his hair, he yawned and favored the sheepish looking pony with a tired smile.

"Mornin'."

"Afternoon, actually, you slept through the morning. How are you?"

"Hungry. I should probably find something to eat, can't keep draining your resources to feed myself."

"Its fine! Spike and Fenris are making some lunch in the kitchen. About last night.." She started to say as he interrupted, pointing an accusing finger at her.

"Oh no you don't! The lunch is spiked, isn't it?" She looks horrified at the implication.

"What?! No! I promised you last nigh..." She notices him holding back a grin and it clicks. "'Spike'd? Ugh. That was terrible."

"I know, but you smiled so you can't say anything and stop worrying about last night. Lets go eat, drink and then spend a bloody age putting that damn suit back together." The pair head into the kitchen area.

---

'Why is the little FIRE-BREATHING baby DRAGON wearing a fucking pink apron? '

"Because he looks adorable, also please cut the swearing, he's very impressionable." Farle hadn't realised he'd whispered loud enough for her to hear that.

Fenris was in this strange kitchen, doing something over an hob while the dragon walked back and forth carrying stuff. The two men swapped their usual greeting of, Spike-friendly, cussing and complaining about each other. Instructed to sit, Farle and Twilight sat on the offered pillows on the same side of the a table. The two made idle chatter about the nice smell, the way the two creatures seemed to be oddly syncronised in their activities and eventually the food arrived. Spike disappeared to get his own food.

"A Viola! Omelette du...du...." Fenris stuttered, unable to recall the French for his creation. "They are vegetarian omelettes with medley of vegetables and mushrooms. Farle, if you look at me like that I'm going to brain you with this frying pan." The other man was giving him an annoyed yet playful look, then he looked sad.

"I miss meat."

'Oh shitfuck!' Fenris thought. 'First civilisation we find in ages and that moron has to announce we're carnivores to a bunch of vegetarian ponies! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONE FOR FU....Wait why is no one reacting to this?' True enough, the others had simply started eating and apparently didn't care.

"Hold on," he asked the pony, "Why aren't you freaking out that we eat meat?"

"Your teeth." She mumbled through some mushroom. He looked confused, she continued. "Incisors, canines, the obviously formed for tearing and eating meat. Combine that with the presense of your molar teeth, you're probably very capable of ingesting both forms. Honestly, I thought it was obvious."

"She manages to disassemble an Omnisuit, technology that is lightyears advanced of their own and you're surprised because she figured out we eat meat because of our teeth? Christ, I knew you were stupid but..." Farle laughs and the other man looks at him annoyed.

"Eh, whatever." He stated, shaking his head and returning to the meal.

Spike eventually returned with a bowl full of gems, diamonds and other assorted precious stones. Sitting down among the others, he picked up a small sapphire and took a bite. Like most of the lower-density stones, it wasn't particularly good nor bad but it was filling. Munching through the rest in short, he finally reached a mid-sized diamond and took a bite from it. That's when he felt the two pairs of eyes on him, watching him slowly chew, the two humans were watching him with a mixed expression of confusion and horror.

"What?" He asked as the two men look at each other.

"Diamond eating dragon." Farle said.

"Diamond eating dragon." Fenris parroted back. "This 'Verse."

"This 'Verse." Farle agreed.

"What does that mean?" Spike asked.

"Essentially? That there is some stuff in the universe that, while common there, blows your mind. Watching anything eat a diamond...yea. Mind blown."

"But, I eat diamonds all the time."

"This 'Verse." He said with an air of finality, rubbing his brow with his hand.

"So what other universes have you been to?" Twilight asked.

"Well that's a difficult question, we've been to many."

"What was our best one then?"

"Well Tai-la was our best 'verse. We arrived in the typical multiverse storm in the middle of a verdant field. The grass was lushious and the trees were sparse. As we walked, I was afraid that we'd landed in another forest world, boring shit those are. But no, we'd hit upon some wierd royal garden. After some time we eventually found two of the most beautiful creatures, human, female and shockingly attractive. They noticed our approach and beaconed us over. They were having a picnic and were more than willing to share. They had breads that would make you slobber with unrestrained desire, their meats and fruit would make you squeal with delight. It was the best food I've ever eaten." Farle smiles dreamily.

"Then they took us back to the 'Royal' city and by the Gods! Thousands and thousands of the most beautiful women we've ever seen! Not a single man in that entire city. As it later turned out, Tai-La women give birth to girls 99% of the time so men are a very scarce resource which meant when us two showed up they went mental! They greeted us with a parade. We met their matriarch-queen who immediately assigned us a room in the royal palace and a slew of servants. It was glorious!"

"Wow. Sounds like you really lucked out!" Twilight says. "But if it was so good, why did you leave?"

"Well, that's where this wonderful story comes to a dark conclusion. See, we spent a month there. I spent most of my time with these two lovely ladies...No not the way you're imagining, Tai-La's women would do anything BUT that to please us. The three of us would go to these riotous parties, drinking and dancing wildly. When not partying, Rachel would read to me and Samantha all of their scientific knowledge. They weren't particularly advanced, but damn they knew alot about genetic engineering and agriculture. Sam would feed me the sweetest grapes. Ahh." As the man drifts off into the memory, Fenris takes up the story.

"And I spent my time enjoying their art. Fantastic drawn works, endless sculptures depicting what they called 'The downfall of man'. No idea what cultural event they were referring to, but the way that artist manipulated steel rods was nothing short of inspired! I met these two ladies as well, who adored my cultural views in that gallery. We went to operas, plays and attended formal gala's. They even made me this most delightful suit from the finest silks, it was like wearing a cloud." Farle takes up the story once more.

"So me and the ladies become abit of an item. I know, three way loving is probably not a good idea, but they explained why they were ok with it. Something about 'Ensuring their houses continued survival', so they were more than happy to share me and I wasn't about to offend them." The unicorn looks faintly disturbed by the notion. "What? Anyway. So nearing the end of the month, they ask me if we could be 'bonded' and I naturally give them a wierd look because what the hell does that even mean? Apparently they have this ritual that acknowledges that a man is 'bonded' with them and allows them to.." The man looks at Spike for a moment, reconsidering his choice of words. "'Commune' with each other. Naturally, I agreed because why not?"

"And so did I, how could I not want to be with Laura and her friend Susan? Lovely things." Fenris interjects.

"So this ritual is a big deal, apparently. We decided to do it at the same time and wearing our Omnisuits. Why? Because the ladies insisted we take all of our belongings, for reasons that will become clear in a moment. So the day arrives, we head to the palace and their is the Queen in his massive hall. They ceremonially wash our suits down, no idea why, then place these wierd robes on us that have dozens of pockets. Then the eldest member of each of the girls family comes forward, baring a gift for us. The first brought us this huge gold bar and placed it with great reverance into one of the pockets in the robe. She then thanked me for 'bonding' with her daughter. This continued, with everyone in their family thanking us and giving us stuff. Wierd right?" Twilight nods.

"So then, here comes the twist, the Queen BOWS TO US. That set off every single one of my alarms in my head. Something very bad was about to go down. She rises and thanks us. So I ask her why we need all this loot and why everyone is thanking us. She explains, its all part of the ritual and that the loot is for us in the afterlife."

"Wait, what?" The unicorn interrupts, "the afterlife? They were going to kill you?!"

"They used the term 'harvest', but it amounted to the same thing. Using a strange machine, they were going to suck all of our DNA out and utilise it to impregnate their entire house in the hope that our outsider DNA would allow them to give birth to males again. Well that's my guess, the end result didn't really matter what they intended to do with us since we'd still be dead."

"How did you escape?" Spike asked, the horror of the story clearly present on his little face.

"Benefits of the Hypercube, lil' Dragon, once its charged you're just a click and a switch away from banging back through the multiverse. I wish I could have seen their faces when we vanished in a storm of multicoloured light." The baby dragon looked abit miffed by the sudden and unfurfilling ending.

"And that's your best story? You partying and then nearly getting turned into soup? That's horrible!" Farle shrugs at the horrified unicorn.

"Yeah well, we did come out of it with huge amounts of money so it wasn't all bad. Plus we had an awesome time before that whole bonding business."

"I'm afraid to ask, but what was your worst?"

A deathly silence falls on the room and Twilight can't help but feel like she's just asked the wrong question. The human is staring off into the distance, eyes glassy, patently remembering something terrible. He appears to be mouthing something, she tries to lip read that alien face and catches only three words before the other man interrupts. 'First the knives.' She shivers, then jumps as Fenris slams his hand onto the table, breaking Farle's revelry.

"Farle!" A concerned edge on his voice.

"What? Oh sorry, I spaced out there. What were we talking about again?"

"Our worst world. It'd be that forest world acouple leaps back, right?" Fenris replies, his voice slightly too forceful.

"Oh, yea" Farle chuckled, "Forest worlds are boring, but that one was extra boring."

"So what's the story behind it?" The unicorn pressed.

"There isn't one. Not a sodding thing happened, all we did was sit around for two weeks by the sea. Did abit of hunting but its no sport when you've got a pulse rifle with thermal vision. Atleast you got alot of use out of that infernal piano." He gestured at the other man.

"Ah, yes that was rather enjoyable. Playing music and watching you be bored as shit. Delightful schadenfreude!"

"Are you guys really friends?" The dragon looked incredulous as both men start chucking.

"Nah, he's just my pet." Farle dodged a Fenris thrown fork. "Missed me!"

"Such a dick. But to answer your question Spike, yes, its just a human male bonding ritual to mock each other. Its all in good humor." Fenris smiled at the comprehending dragon.

"Oh! I forgot to mention this before, but Princess Celestia is due for a visit to Ponyville tomorrow! She's expressed an interest in meeting you two. OH! There's so much to do! I probably won't be able to get down to Applejacks for the supplies!"

"I could do it, if you've got a map." Farle chimed in. "Need to walk abit, joints are getting rusty from all this sitting plus WE do owe you for your hospitality." He glanced over at Fenris.

"Hey, I cooked lunch and I'm cleaning up. Bite me."

"That'd be great! I'll get you a map!" Twilight jumped up and left the room.

Seconds later, there is an almighty bang with a purple flash. The two human and dragon look at each other, stunned, before racing out of the kitchen and into the library proper. Standing there, in all its glory, is Farle's fully assembled Omnisuit. The human stares at it, considering the level of disassembly it should have taken atleast an hour to put it back together, yet the magician had done it in less than a minute.

"I...what?" Farle splutters as Twilight beams at him.

"Fix-it Spell." She levitates over a small paper map to his grasp.

"....This 'Verse." Was the only thing the shocked human could say.

Author's Note:

What does 'First the knives' mean?
What will the Sun Goddess make of these two idiots?
What does that strange dream sequence mean?
Will anyone except me read this?
Answers, comments and legal summons in the comment box. Love you bye.