Well, for now it is interesting.
There are only two thing that could be better.

At the end, you use both present and past tenses, since you began with past, I suggest you don't use present, here it is weird, I think there are sentences with both tenses.
And the description of the white mare. I suppose it is not surprise that she is Vinyl Scratch, but all Twilight can see is that she is white. You should mention that she is a unicorn only after she begin to use her magic, like a discovery for Twilight POV and not like an established fact.

Well, it's only my opinion, the only thing that really bothered me was the tense at the end.

Anyway, I'm looking for the following chapters.

4297109 Glad to hear it was interesting.

And hm, I see. To both those, I guess those are things that ought to have been noticed by the proofreader, if I'd ever gotten their proofreading.

And can say your feedback makes sense imo. Both those tends to be things I forget about.

And will say said chapters most likely won't come soon, but there is a chance they'll be made.

On a side note though; Mind if I ask what you thought of the concept of equine glory holes? Instead of the usual human ones people write/draw for ponies.

4304285
Mmh, if I were to be neutral, I'd say it is weird for an inexperienced mare to want to use a glory hole (giving or receiving part).

But here we clearly see that Twilight is VERY curious, still it would be more logical to try something more classic for a first time.

The part where it is interesting is where she doesn't know with whom she does it. Well, that's how it is supposed to be, but we learn more about the 'white mare' life than the circumstance leading Twilight in this situation.

She discovers self-satisfaction, and some weeks later she is a virgin giving blowjob in a royal school bathroom during her learning class she is supposed to follow with Celestia herself.

I suppose you are planning to explain all this in the maybe upcoming chapters, but with the information you give right now, it is the only thing I can tell.

Well, I'm not really good to explain what I think about the plot so I may not be the best adviser, I'm better telling what I think could be better than telling what is good. So if I can give an advise, just continue like you planned. I'll tell you in the other chapter if I see something else

That's why I'm waiting for other chapters

Might I recommend amending the description to just:

'Twilight works a glory hole.'

4304394 Yeah, it is a bit weird. But I wanted to play on Twi's "act, don't think" she does quite often. Or well, she thinks it's a great idea, and then when she's about to do it...

And I kinda wanted to make glory holes a kinda common thing. Mainly as I don't think Equestria would have equally stupid societal rules as we have. Not to the "fuck anyone anywhere" levels ofc xD Just where it wouldn't be looked down upon or with scorn. Kinda at the point a mare could go with a "Oh, I just came from getting sucked off." as an excuse for being late. (if meeting friends ofc, and possibly said in a bit more "classy" way x3)

And well, I don't know if the term "blowjob" works, as that's not a unisex term, or is it? But yeah, she is going down on another mare in a quite upper class school xP

I had quite a plan of where to go with this actually. With a potential zebra or "saddle arabian" cameo xP

And thanks for the feedback. Was nice to read. And I can try to resume writing on this. Hit a bit of a snag in my life currently. But this is prolly the fic I'd like to work on the most. That, and the OctoScratch one heh.

4322413 Could do that, a brief description is prolly a good idea.

This just may be one of my most favourite fics :D
It triggers all of my fetishes, I love the voyeur themed POV, and lesbianism of course.
But my most favourite part is the usage of realistic-ish equine anatomy. That's something that you don't see too often in art, and even less so in fictions.
Very unique, very awesome :D

I hope you'll continue working on this one, seeing that it's marked as unfinished (I have to admit, I, uhm, didn't reach the end of the story X3)!

PS: No stallions, please, I'd keep that for a different story ;D

4500028 Heh, thanks :3
And hey, I use accurate anatomy, partially as it just feels respectful per se. That, and I would never half-ass anatomy... unless it's for the purpose of making a point of others half-assing either purposefully, or by being lazy. (might can tell I hate people doing a sloppy job on it, at least if they just go halfway, as all that do, only put effort into the male side)
And I aim to create unique things, and cater to areas not commonly catered too. We literally have dozens of versions of the same identical story with the same identical characters. Only (potential) difference is the location or what they call each other. And rambling again, my bad xP

And possibly. Semi-given up on writing. Trying to focus the little I have on animation. (and I tend to write a tad bit long chapters for many ^=^' Should split them up more often)

And don't worry, unlike... quite a lot of authors, I don't shove in males in fics stated to be lesbian :P Granted, this one in particular had a mention of potentially having males. But I've seen a lot shove in males in supposed "lesbian" fics, and then act like it's still two females. Trailing off here xP But yeah, there's plenty story's about that. For inventing a new fetish, I should honestly focus on it more than the generic counterpart x3

Found an inconsistency for ya, Satch.

Twilight levitated out her quill and notebook and placed it down next to her.

Off all the places to forget to bring her trusty notepad... There was a bunch of stuff she already would need to memorize.

Other than that, holy fuck this was hot. How does this not have more views?

p.s. Remember me by any chance?

4510420 Technically not, that was her notebook, not notepad, different things xP But going with how it's written, it does seem like an inconsistency...

And thanks heh. And well, it's not about one or more guys flopping their oversized dicks around, while labeling the story as "Lesbian"? xD I don't follow the norm as said. There's very many against anything being being new or out of the ordinary. People don't like role reversals most of the time. It scares them or something....

And actually yes. Mainly just name wise though.

Unless this is intentional - females do not have prostates.
The G-spot is the closest in female anatomy.
Of course - this is completely correct if they turn out to be Futa - but that seems like it'd have been mentioned already.

Otherwise - very hot!

4998283
The g-spot IS the prostate xP
And considering 90+ % of all futa, herm and shemale within the fandom are just flat, cardboard porn personality (or lack thereof) "guys with tits", I've been extremely deterred from them as a whole. But have as of late pondered some on making proper herms. As while almost all today got the "worst of both worlds" porn wise, it would be interesting to actually do it properly. Or at least without cardboard.

Anyhow, thanks. Can say I am a bit disappointed almost none of the fetishes I've invented over the past few years has ever been done before. Many of them are very obvious. That said though, people seem very sloppy and inapt to play around with things that doesn't have dicks, or dicks slapped onto them. Ah well. At least there's the rare occasional someone did a episode reference, without ruining it and/or turning it into a gender bent cock joke. Don't get me wrong, I do like those too, just not when they are the only ones...

This was... surprisingly sweet for an anonymous deflowering by a serial deflowerer Also funny when Vinyl goes on rambling so long that Twilight loses her erection

But I must say, my favorite part was the beginning with Twilight's tube of squirt Sometimes masturbation can be even sexier than sex. Especially when it involves a more elaborate plan than "rub until orgasm". Too bad she never got to taste it.

And if the yellow sign means what I think it means... I really want a sequel where Twilight forgets it again (believable because this experience has taught her that it's ok to forget it), and gets soaked before she knows what happened

5351554 Ramblings are kinda a key factor in most my stuff xD

And heh, that's actually based on real events xD

And hum... I actually didn't even consider that, I feel a bit derp now xD
I just used them in ways of "beginner, novice and etc". There is a sequel almost finished soon though, or chapter 2 rather.

5359668

And heh, that's actually based on real events xD

derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/3/2/3691__solo_fluttershy_animated_suggestive_reaction+image_wingboner_artist-colon-speccysy.gif

And hum... I actually didn't even consider that, I feel a bit derp now xD
I just used them in ways of "beginner, novice and etc".

Well they are in a bathroom... and the yellow sign could double as one of those "caution, wet floor" signs after mopping up
But just using them as experience level works too. I'm sure it will be great, whatever you do

There is a sequel almost finished soon though, or chapter 2 rather.

I have a habit of doing random stuff xD

And yeah, I get that in hindsight now xD It's meant more as "experience marks", but I should've used a different system now that I think of it haha.

And technically just one sentence away from the second chapter being done... but just so sluggish atm...

5016548

The g-spot IS the prostate xP

Not really, the G-spot has been pretty conclusively shown to be the root of the clitoris. There's no other structure around the anterior vaginal wall with the density of nerve endings needed for sexual stimulation. The tissues that develop into the prostate in males form the lower third of the vagina and the hymen.