Background Villain

by Good Christian Ethesto

Assembling the Team

Applejack wandered into the somewhat busy market area in the middle of Ponyville. Where better to find a group of adventurous ponies than in the middle of one of the most messed up towns on the planet? I mean, the place gets destroyed at least once every few weeks. If ponies weren't made primarily out of magic and empty space they would probably all be dead by now. Not to mention most of the town's residents have mental problems. It's probably a result of inbreeding.

She walked around a bit in an attempt to find ponies that weren't too busy to ask for help. Eventually she walked past a cafe with some outdoor tables. At one of those very same tables I mentioned 10 words ago, were two ponies. Thankfully, ponies have very distinct color combinations, so it wasn't hard to identify the teal unicorn and the beige earth pony with the purple and pink mane.

They didn't look particularly busy, so Applejack decided to approach them. As she did so, she was able to catch part of their conversation.

"And then Adolf Hitler and his army of SS killed almost six million jews!" Lyra yelled out excitedly. "I don't even know what a 'jew' is, but that sounds pretty cool! Right?"

Bon-bon just gave her friend an unamused expression as she continued to lazily chew on her hay sandwich. She didn't find mythology very interesting so it was always annoying when Lyra went off on these rants.

Lyra was used to her friend's grumpy attitude, though, since they had been roommates for over two years now. So she continued spewing information from her mouth. "Then, later. President Truman, the leader of some place called America, ordered for an 'atom bomb' to be dropped on Japan. None of the books I've read explained what an 'atom bomb' is, but it sound really cool!"

By now, Applejack was standing right next to their table awkwardly and they both took notice of her. Once both their eyes were on her, she cleared her throat. "How'r ya' girls doin'?" She asked in an attempt to break the ice.

It only succeeded in making things even more awkward, but Lyra replied anyways. "Ummm, I'm fine. I was just telling Bon-bon all about humans. Oh, do you want to hear?" She finished excitedly.

Bon-bon instantly shot Applejack a terrified look and mouthed the word 'no'. Applejack decided it would probably be smart to take that advice and just cut to the reason she was there, lest she listen to mythology all day. "Actually, I came to ask the two a' you somethin'."

Lyra frowned slightly at not being able to talk about humans, but she was too hipped up on sugar from the multiple slices of cake she ingested to stay upset for long. "Well what is it?"

Applejack took a moment before answering. She hadn't really given this much thought. Finally she gave what she thought was a good explanation of what she wanted. "The princesses sent me a letter asking for me to help them and they told me to bring some ponies with." She smiled widely as she waited for their response.

"What?" Asked Bon-bon in one of her many voices.

Lyra was inclined to agree with her friend's confusion. "I'm confused."

Bon-bon nodded as she thought over what the apple pony had said before pointing out some obvious flaws. "If you need help, why don't you just go ask your friends or something? Aren't you guys supposed to be like super magical or something stupid like that?"

Applejack looked slightly flustered at Bon-bon's wording, but she quickly remembered that Bon-bon isn't the politest of ponies. She decided not to point it out or anything. She was asking for their help, after all. "The princess said specifically not to bring them." She reasoned.

Bon-bon wasn't buying it and donned her signature unamused expression. "If this is some kind of joke..." She trailed off, leaving the rest for the imagination.

Lyra decided that she would clarify. She knew her friend didn't have the best pony interacting skills. "What she means to say is, this sounds really... How do I say this politely? Hard to believe."

"Yeah." Butted in Bon-bon before Applejack could say anything. "Aren't you like the element of laughter or something? How do I know you're not trying to prank us?"

Applejack stared at them both for a few seconds unsure of what to say. This wasn't going nearly as well as she had imagined in her head. Finally she remembered the letter she received from the princess. She flashed a smug smile as she pulled the now poorly-rolled-up letter from her bags and tossed it on the table. "Read that an' then tell me ah'm tryin' ta' prank ya'."

So they read it. "Well, this looks pretty authentic..." Concluded Lyra as she examined the royal seal.

"Even if it is, why should we help the princesses in any way? They're dictators who live in an extremely expensive castle while we live down here in a horrible little town that's constantly getting attacked by monsters and stuff. They play with super powerful artifacts that could destroy all of Equestria as though they were toys. They're irresponsible, and worst of all they only let you see what they want you to see. They censor everything and spew out poorly contrived lies yet everypony is too dumb to see it for themselves! We're all just they're playthings!!!!" By the time Bon-bon was finished she was breathing heavily and had a crazed look in her eyes.

Every other pony in the immediate area was staring at her like she had just committed blasphemy, which she likely had given the pony's religion. She suddenly felt very afraid as she knew that if any of them reported her she would likely be thrown in a dungeon for the rest of her life or banished to the sun. That's how they deal with blasphemers in Equestria.

She chuckled a bit and gave a really awkward smile. "Hehe... Just joking?" She offered. The other ponies didn't seem to buy it, though as they started talking amongst themselves in hushed voices.

Applejack was at a loss for what just happened and simply looked to Lyra for an explanation. Instead of clarifying what happened, though, Lyra was busy contemplating what to do. After a moment she was back to her excited self. "Sure, I've always wanted to go on an adventure!" She replied.

"I'm coming with you!" Shouted Bon-bon quickly afterwards.

Lyra looked confused. "But I thought you didn't want to help the princesses."

Bon-bon was frantically looking around at this point as beads of sweat began to drip down her face. One of these ponies was going to report her for sure. She had to get out of town for a while. Perhaps this would even get her on the princesses' good sides. "Huh, that? Nooooo that was just a joke." She replied loud enough for everypony in the area to hear. "I'd love to help the princesses with their... Thing."

"Great!" Shouted out Applejack as she picked the letter back up. "Now we jus' need three more ponies and we'll be all set ta' go!"

"Wait wait wait..." Stopped Lyra as Bon-bon was too busy trying not to call attention to herself to say anything right now. "Why do we need six ponies?"

Applejack gave her a look like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Everypony knows that six is the perfect adventurin' number. Speakin' a' which, do ya'll know any other ponies that would join us?"

Lyra looked around the immediate area for a few seconds before she spotted Derpy Hooves flying around upside down like the intelligent and well-educated pony that she is. "Hey, Derps, come here."

The gray pegasus known as Derpy stopped flapping her wings instantly as her name was mentioned. Then the force of gravity- that only works sometimes in Equestria- decided it didn't like her and pulled her to the ground. "Oof." She shouted out as her back suddenly made contact with thousands of tiny rocks and chunks of decaying biological matter, also known as dirt.

The group walked up to the now-downed pegasus. Her eyes were rolling around in her head like some ungodly rolling demon and her tongue was sticking out of the corner of her mouth. Bon-bon poked her a few times with a hoof, but got no response. "I think she's dead. You killed her Lyra." She stated in a flat tone. Everypony always knew Derpy would die in some tragic accident eventually.

"No... No!" Denied Lyra as she remembered that the first step of grief is, in fact, denial. "It was an accident. I didn't want it to end this way!" She continued as several tears started protruding from her humongous eyes.

"You murdered her..." Continued Bon-bon. "You're a monster... A monster! You'll rot in prison for this!"

"So will you!" She countered. "If I'm going down, I'll report you for your blasphemous ways!"

"Not if I kill you first!" Bon-bon threatened while rearing up on her back hoofs, ready to strike.

Suddenly, Derpy sucked in a huge breath and stood up. The group just stared at her as her eyes continued to roll around in her skull. Lyra quickly wiped her tears away now that she realized that the pony wasn't dead. It wouldn't do good to show her sympathy, lest she start thinking that other ponies actually like her. "Hey Derps." She finally replied in as straight a tone as she could manage, though it came out somewhat raspy because of her recent crying episode. "We're going on an adventure, come on!"

"Ok!" Replied the possibly spinal damaged pegasus despite the fact that she's a single mother and has a child at home. It's okay, I'm sure Ditzy will enjoy being taken by the child protection agency and forced to work in their sweet shops. That is, if Kony doesn't kidnap her for his army first.

"Well paint me brown and call me gravy! We got four ponies now! This is shaping up to be a right proper group, we just need two more!" Applejack drawled. Thankfully, there are plenty of worthless ponies around Ponyville looking for an adventure. It only took them a matter of minutes before they bumped into Berry Punch who was wandering around town aimlessly in a drunken state even though it was still early in the afternoon. They asked if she wanted to join them, to which she mumbled incoherently. She passed out in a pile of her own vomit shortly after that, so Applejack volunteered to cary her around with her insane earth pony strength.

"Hey, let's ask that pony!" Shouted out Lyra as she pointed a tentacle-like leg at a random pedestrian. The pony in question was a brown pegasus with green hair. She seemed like a pretty cool pony, just the kind of pony they need to complete their group, so they trotted up to her.

"Hiya there pardner." Greeted Applejack. Oddly enough, she didn't recognize this pony, which is strange considering that she knows almost everypony that lives in town (mainly because there are only a few hundred ponies living in Ponyville since it's such a horrible place).

The pegasus just looked at her like she was covered in stupid or something. "Ummmm, hi?"

"I'm Applejack, what's you name?"

"Nunchucks." As soon as she said this, her arm was brutally assaulted by Applejack who shook it violently. If you need a simile to help better understand this hoof shake, it was like a crocodile with a Zecora firmly clenched in its jaws thrashing around wildly. Needless to say, it was both awe-inspiring and horrifying at the same time.

A matter of seconds later, Applejack released the poor pegasus' arm and took a step back. It was a miracle the limb was still attached. If it weren't for magic, it would probably have been pulled out of its socket, then this conversation would have turned awkward really fast. Once her leg was free, she pulled back a few steps to avoid being physically abused again.

Applejack continued as though she hadn't just committed battery. "Would you like to go on an adventure with us to help the princesses?"

Nunchucks stared at her for a few seconds before noticing a trail of liquid flowing down her side. Apparently the unconscious pony on her back was urinating, but Applejack either didn't notice or didn't care. She looked back at the rest of the group. It only took her a second to decide that she didn't want anything to do with this group. The fact that they were asking her, a complete stranger, to accompany them on an adventure was enough to prove they were pretty weird. Besides, they were probably just planning on taking her out into the wilderness to violate her or something.

"No..." She said slowly, trying not to offend them lest they become violent. Without saying anything else she quickly turned around and trotted off into the crowd.

"What a weirdo." Said Bon-bon as she looked after the retreating pegasus.

"Yeah." Agreed Lyra.

"Well that's just great. Who are we gonna get to join our group now?" Asked Applejack who was already getting frustrated by how long it was taking to get a group together despite how easy it had been so far.

"Did somepony say an adventure?" The group looked over to see none other than Vinyl Scratch- a white unicorn, and a super cool pony- approaching them.

"Sure did." Confirmed Applejack before remembering that they still needed another. "We're lookin' for one more pony ta' join us. Would you be interested?"

Like it was even a question. Of course she'd come, Vinyl Scratch loves adventures! But she played it cool, like always. "An adventure huh? I think I have some spare time, so why not? I'll come with you."

"Yee-haw! We got six ponies!" Cheered Applejack. The group immediately set off towards the train station to begin their epic journey.

And so began the greatest adventure of our time.

Comments

[Regidar]

Penises for everyone.

[Good Christian Ethesto]

1675135 It's Super Mega PONY Squad, not Super Mega Penis Squad!

[Chuckward]

Wow! Thanks for putting me in your story.

[Good Christian Ethesto]

1676186 Now you'll be super popular! Just like me!!!

[Regidar]

lolnunchucks

[Hoarfrost Skylord]

"Even if it is, why should we help the princesses in any way? They're dictators who live in an extremely expensive castle while we live down here in a horrible little town that's constantly getting attacked by monsters and stuff. They play with super powerful artifacts that could destroy all of Equestria as though they were toys. They're irresponsible, and worst of all they only let you see what they want you to see. They censor everything and spew out poorly contrived lies yet everypony is too dumb to see it for themselves! We're all just they're playthings

Ahhh.. The truth has been spoken