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Chapter 11,065 words
The chapter after chapter 1.1,016 words
It's Darth Vader shampoo, Luke Skywalker is the conditioner.1,000 words

Chapter 1

Gerard was sitting with his three friends Lotus, Kimberly, and Bear Claw. They were sitting in the woods next to a Volkswagen, smoking pot and taking in nature.

"Whoa man," said Kimberly, smoke pouring out of her mouth with each syllable," this scene is righteous man."

Kimberly pointed at a large wall of rock.

"What's so righteous about it," asked Bear Claw.

"Just think about it man."

Bear Claw stared at the wall and thought as hard as he could. Suddenly his eyes opened wide.

"Righteous," said Bear Claw.

All of the stoners started giggling for no reason.

"Good times," said Lotus.

"Gerard man, why haven't you said anything," inquired Bear Claw.

"I think that bug is staring at me."

All at once the group looked at a bug that was definitely not staring at Gerard.

"Dude, you're high," said Lotus.

"You're high," replied Gerard.

"Am I high," Kimberly asked, while taking a huff of weed.

"I doubt it."

"I think we're all high," Bear Claw said.

"That's craz-wait, I just thought of something."

"What is it?"

"Do penguins have knees?"

"Duuuuude," the group said in unison.

They all sat there, staring off into space, wondering whether or not penguins have knees.

"They've got to have knees," decided Lotus.

"But they waddle," Gerard countered.

"Maybe their knees are covered by feathers."

"Guys," said Kimberly," it doesn't matter what parts we have, as long as we can all live peacefully together."

"That's so beautiful," Gerard said, with tears in his eyes.

The entire group hugged, and then they pulled out some water laced with acid. All of them took a sip, except for Gerard, who downed half the bottle. After awhile they all began to see swirling colors. They ran around screaming. Lotus and Bear Claw took off their clothes and jumped into a river. After a few minutes Gerard blacked out.
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When Gerard woke up he was very confused. None of his friends were anywhere to be found, his Volkswagen was gone, and he was no longer in a forest. Now he was in a colorful meadow, surrounded by colorful flowers and beautiful butterflies. He thought for a while as to what could have possibly brought about this strange turn of events before coming to the only possible conclusion.

"Too much acid."

Gerard looked around. He liked what he saw.

"Whoa man, I'm getting some really good vibes from this place."

So Gerard did what he always does in these situations, he got high and ate potato chips. After awhile he decided to look around. He noticed what appeared to be a small town on the horizon. He began to walk towards it, all the while smoking weed and playing bongos.

By the time Gerard reached the town it was almost nightfall, it wasn't that the town was particularly far away, Gerard was just constantly getting distracted by bugs and flowers and what have you. Walking into town he passed a large sign, unfortunately for Gerard he was much too stoned to read, so he walked into town at a leisurely pace before he noticed something odd. There was a pony flying through a doorway, followed closely by a large suitcase. Gerard rushed over to help the poor creature. He helped it get up to its hooves and started to speak to it.

"It's okay little pony, whatever did that to you can't hurt you anymore."

The pony shoved him out of the way.

"Thanks but I can handle this myself,Bon-Bon open up, I'm sorry!"

"Whoa, you can talk?"

"What? Of course I can talk."

The pony turned to him and started to scream.

"OH SWEET CELESTIA! BON-BON PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!"

"Not on your life."

"What's the issue,"Gerard asked," I'm not gonna hurt you."

The pony cautiously approached Gerard, inspecting him closely.

"Wait, are you a human?"

"Yeah."

"Holy crap, BON-BON GET OUT HERE!"

"NO!"

"BUT YOU'VE GOT TO COME SEE THIS!"

The door slowly creaked open and out popped the head of a small cream colored earth pony.

"Goodness gracious Lyra, don't wake up the whole neighborhood, now what is it?"

"Look, it's a human."

Bon-Bon looked at the tall figure that reaked of pot and mold. She screamed and slammed the door.

Lyra sighed and turned to Gerard.

"Just stay right here."

Lyra then walked into the house and shut the door behind her. Gerard could hear several loud noises, including clattering pots and pans, shattering glass and for some reason a bullhorn. When the noises ceased the door opened and out stepped an an exhausted looking Lyra and Bon-Bon.

"See Bonny poo? Nothing to worry about."

"Will you stop calling me that? People already think we're a gay couple."

Bon-Bon walked up to Gerard and held up her hoof. Gerard accepted and shook it. When he let go Bon-Bon sniffed her hoof and shuddered with disgust.

"So what was with you throwing Lyra out?"

"Well, I was just about sick of her obsession with humans after she turned her hoof into a hand, but it's a moot point considering she appears to have been right about your existence all along."

Lyra turned to Gerard.

"So thanks for unintentionally fixing everything, even if you weren't everything I expected."

"Whatever man,"Gerard help up a peace sign and turned to walk away.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Gerard turned to see that Bon-Bon was the one asking.

"What do you mean?"

"Well since you sorta turned up out of nowhere I'm assuming that you don't have anywhere to stay, so you'll be staying here."

"You really mean it Bonny poo? We get to have a real live human in our house?"

"Sure, just as long as he takes a shower."

So Gerard walked into the house and took a shower, it took a whole bottle of shampoo, and an entire bar of soap before Bon-Bon decided he smelled good enough to be in her home. When he was done he found his clothes in a neatly folded stack on the counter. He put them on and walked downstairs to see Lyra and Bon-Bon at a table with various types of vegetation.

"I sure hope you can eat this, sorry if it's not to your liking."

Gerard smiled to himself, he sure was happy that all hippies are automatically vegetarians.
He sat down at the table and went to town.

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