To Scratch A Fire

by Guardsmare Sade

Roof Wreck

Feeling a slight chill, the pony under the covers begins to stir, her right eye opening only a fraction, revealing a lush ruby iris. She begins squinting at her alarm clock, noticing that it is only half past five in the morning. "Who's stupid enough to open the blinds at half five in the morning, and what’s with this draft? Did somepony open all the doors to the outside or something?" The unamused pony grumbles to herself as she starts to push her body up from the warmth of her bed.

Sliding herself to the edge of her mattress with her back hooves dangling off the side only just off the ground, she grabs her warm dark blue blanket that she was using that night to fend off the cold of winter, she continues to wrap it around herself and jump off the bed. She then begins Staggering sleepily out of her room over the mounds of clothes and rubble and an unconscious pony.

Heading into the bathroom she stumbles over a few clothes on the floor. "Have to move them across the room today I think." She mumbled to herself while staggering toward the bathroom. Her horn began to glow a misty grey color as she used the little magic she could muster in her morning daze to open the door leading to the bathroom. She enters the room and drops the blanket on the floor before stepping in front of the mirror.

As she looked into the mirror a white Unicorn pony with half closed eyes, ruby irises and a frizzy electric blue mane stared back in the reflection. "My mane is a wreck! I'll have to fix it." the pony shakes her head violently. "There, now that’s style!" She exclaimed as she admired her mane. Any normal pony wouldn't have been able to tell if there was any change.

Using her magic to levitate her toothbrush and toothpaste, she goes about her morning prep. After gargling some water and spitting the toothpaste out, she looks into the mirror with a stunned look about her. "I live alone! That means I left the blinds open!" giving a heavy sigh she wanders out of the bathroom and passes her blanket, leaving it there on the floor.

In the kitchen she begins making herself some breakfast. "Dj Chocy pops are the best" She exclaimed with a massive grin on her face. After finishing her morning meal she gets up from the table leaving her dishes where they are and decides to head upstairs.

Trudging up the steps, the pony notices there is a draft heading down passed her hooves, little snowflakes were playfully floating down each stair. She follows the tiny trail of snow, trying to figure out where they were coming from. With a keen eye on the snow she follows it up the stairs, through the hallway and into her bedroom.

Rubbing her eyes she looks at the amount of roof on the floor and the sleeping mare smack dab in the center of it. "Was that there when I went to sleep last night? I guess I’m going to have to investigate." Making a feeble attempt at trying to act professional she ends up grabbing a small stick from outside and poking Spitfire.

"Oh Celestia! SHE'S DEAD! What do I do? What do I do?!" In a panic, she trips over some of her clothes on the floor that got tangled around some of her hooves. After crashing to the ground and with her face embedded in an old sweater she starts to calm down. "Take it easy Vinyl, don’t want to start flipping out now do we?" She says to herself, trying to stop herself from making it any worse than it already was.

The pony in the rubble stirs a little with a small grunt and a tiny snore. "Thank Celestia that she's alive!" Vinyl said with a heavy sigh of relief. "Now what do I do? Do I try to wake her, move her? Or should I just leave her there?" Vinyl sat there looking at the mare in the rubble. "Why does she look familiar?"

Spitfire opens her eyes as she looks directly at the horrified pony. "I figured I would just crash here for a little while. Hope you don’t mind" Spitfire said in a joking manner. Vinyl, still with her horrified look on her face just stares at Spit as the beat up pony tries to stand. After taking a step forward she falls again. Vinyl stands up and steps over to help the poor pony up. "Cheers" Spitfire says with a warm smile as Vinyl picks her up.

Vinyl took the pony over to her bed and put her down on top of it. "It’s very soft. It must have cost you a fortune. How can you afford something so posh?" Spitfire asked. Vinyl just smiled and said "Dj business is good." with that vinyl walked out of the room to fetch her blanket off the floor where she had left it.

Walking back into her room she noticed the heater. "Oh man, even the heater got wrecked. Heh, looks like you did a good one to my home there pony" Vinyl grunted with a slight annoyed tone to her voice. "I only just replaced it two days ago. What a drag"

"I'm sorry. I'll be happy to pay for the repairs to your home and anything that has been broken Miss...?" Spitfire exclaimed.
"Vinyl Scratch. My name is Vinyl Scratch, and my mother was a Miss, not me. Just makes me sound old."
Spitfire smiled "Spitfire is my name. I'm captain of the Wonderbolts. Pleased to meet ya."
"I would say likewise, But..." Vinyl said with a roll of her eyes.

"I understand, it’s gotta be a little... Hard... for... you-" and with that Spitfire was out again
"Figures, Just my luck, a hole in the roof... In winter!" Vinyl sighed as she put the blanket over Spitfire.
"What am I gonna do with you?"

Comments

[Delicious]

Before I dive into this, a quick correction in the description

> Blyss
It should be Bliss. (Sorry, Its just that you should never-ever-ever have an error in the description.)

[Therizzen]

104057
Darn...beat me to it..

I will read this

[NeverKnown]

Eh pretty good fict keep it up

[Delicious]

Aaaaaannnddddd some more corrections! Some small stuff- Stir, not Stirr and Breakfast not brekfast. A few capitalization errors.

"the unamused pony grumbled to herself as the started to push her body up from the warmth of her bed." - As the started to push? Try something like- As she started to push

I only did a quick skim of the story, so I'm certain that I missed plenty of things. Watch out for I's because I found that it was about 50/50 of capitalized and not capitalized. Also... Please take it slow. It feel ridiculously rushed, and the only real way to fix that is to not rush at all.

[Delicious]

I'll give it a 3/5 for now and track to see how well it all goes!

[griff1888]

Alright, this is actually my first time posting anything here, but I just wanted to thank anyone for criticisms with the story, be and another bloke will be sure that anything you say gets to him, he might also be away today so i don't imagine much in the way of corrections and work will be done today. So if anyone would like to make any suggestions or anything that could help streamline it a bit, i'll nag him about it, keep in mind this is his first fic, and he won't catch every mistake that goes through, we're wishing him the best, any again, anything you need to say, strike it up with us, sure my other mate will make himself known in a minute.

[Killso]

hello, I happen to be the other pony who is assisting with the story and don't worry, we are getting around to spell checking it with the author but unfortunately he may be away today. Also don't forget what he has written so far was in a night. Thank you for your assistance in spelling corrections and support, it really means a lot to us.

[griff1888]

104100 Yeah, i'll apologise on behalf of him for the spelling errors, i'll tell him to spellcheck with us before publishing in future. Also, if my lazy eye misses something in a spellchecked chapter give me a hounding, and we'll bark at the author, thanks.

[Ozzeh]

First off, I'd like to state that this has a LOT of potential to be a great story, as does your writing.
However, there are a lot of errors here. Capitalization, spelling, and quite a few grammatical errors. I highly suggest getting a proofreader or two, and reading it over a few times before publishing it.
The story line is rushed a lot, too. Remember to take your time with the story.
Another thing that bothered me: Italics are your friend! Use them for character thoughts and putting emphasis on words.
The main thing though that needs work is the grammar and spelling. Seriously, have someone go over it and read it over yourself a few times, you can never be too sure!
Tracking this story. I really hope to see an improvement, since I see so much potential in your writing.

[Cunt_Crusader]

excellent so far, but the spelling is atrocious...

[griff1888]

104255 You'd be shocked at how much I hound him for spelling,

[Vinyl Scratch]

Never really thought about this couple but I think it will be a good one.
Nice job Vinyl .

[the best pony]

hit the deck we got incoming grammer nazi at 1oclock high

[Guardsmare Sade]

Im sorry to everyone about the horrible spelling. I did write this at 4 in the morning and stopped at 7. Thank you all for the comments and the critizism, I'll take it all into account and will work hard to fix it up to be the best i can do. Now this is my first Fimfic and I do admit that it is a little rushed, but i hope you will all bare with me for the time that it takes me to fix everything up. Thank you again for everything. i do indeed look forward to writing more for you. But seing as i began to rush in the second chapter i will start to slow it down a bit. A chapter maybe every two or three days.

[Therizzen]

Okay, next chapter down, man I feel accomplished! Serioualy though, I miss my computer right now, Ipods aren't cut out for this I tell yah. Anyways, this chapter was pretty good, same as the last, but it just felt off - the whole situation seemed so down played. Now I realize you are probably doing this in the view of a 'Vinyl care free attitude' but still, she was flying at breakneck speeds, whipped through countless trees and smashed hrough a roof, a ROOF. Yet you have this mildly concerned Vinyl and a not in the slightest phased Spitfire. It's not that it isn't good, the situation just doesn't seem to fit the way they are acting. You have potential with this, you really do, but just watch for were it is alright to joke and when seriousness should be employed. This scene in particular, you built it up so much that the reaction should be just as large, but the two played it out as nothing. [Concerning all that are writing this and those helping - you made yourself known - I have a question. I would love to point out things that could be fixed, but how would you rather me do it, through the comments or in a PM of sorts? I plan on doing it when I get back to my computer anyways - Curse this handheld contraption!]

[zaczac111]

Hm, reactions seem off, I mean, how often do you wake up and find out during the night, somepony slammed through your roof? This was all taken very casually, like it happens often to both of them...

Also, all this present tense for Vinyl got a bit confusing, things like, 'In a panic, she trips over...' felt like either past tense was needed, or something like, 'In a panic, the mare trips over'; idk, I'm super tired for no reason, starting to spiral into insanity from sleep deprivation, shall pick this back up tomorrow!

[The Real McCoy]

146842

I mean, how often do you wake up and find out during the night, somepony slammed through your roof?

Well, if you take into consideration the laid-back personality of Vinyl Scratch, as well as the fact that Rainbow Dash makes it a habit to crash into Golden Oaks Library (May it rest in pieces ), then quite often!