My Little Teelo: Winter's Silence

by Ardwolf

Freak Out

In which we learn that private investigators have strange hobbies and see Sun Hammer practice the gentle art of persuasion.

---

When Teagan opened the door she found a woman in her mid to late twenties standing at the door. She was dressed in a gray coat over what looked like a business suit. She had short brown hair and a pleasant expression.

“I’m here to see Teagan O’Gara.” The woman said.

“That’s me. You’re Evelyn Lewis?” Teagan asked. The woman nodded.

“May I come in?” She asked.

“Of course.” Teagan let her come in and closed the door against the bitter cold outside.

“You understand that everything you’re about to see and hear must be kept completely confidential?” Teagan asked, turning serious. “I doubt anyone would believe you but I have to be very careful.”

“I’m bonded with the city, Miss O’Gara. “In the state of Kansas the law requires me to keep all client information confidential.” She said calmly. “Don’t worry. I’ve been a private investigator for seven years. I’m discreet and professional.”

“That’s good to know. How well do you handle surprises, Miss Lewis?”

The woman shrugged. “Nothing in my business is ever predictable, Miss O’Gara. It comes with the territory.”

“Then come this way, please.” Teagan said, taking the woman’s coat and leading her into the living room.

“Ok, that’s different.” She said, staring at Sun Hammer. “Do you ordinarily keep a horse in your living room?”

“A be a pony.” Sun Hammer said with exaggerated patience. “Nae a horse. Cannae humans tell the difference?” He snorted.

“It talked!” The PI stared, flabbergasted. “Horses don’t talk!”

“Um, he’s a pony.” Teagan corrected gently. “And he actually talks quite a bit. Miss Lewis, may I introduce Sun Hammer, Keeper of the Armory, Champion of the Sun and Hero to the Crown. Sun Hammer, this is the private investigator, Evelyn Lewis.”

“Pleased tae meet ye!” Sun Hammer said, smiling. Teagan gave the PI points for not blanching. Sun Hammer’s grin was a fearsome thing if you weren’t expecting it.

“H-hello Sun Hammer.”

“Sun Hammer is your client, Miss Lewis.” Teagan said, trying her best not to enjoy the woman’s discomfort.

“Nae, lassie.” Sun Hammer objected. “The Princess be the client. A’m just her humble servant.”

“Humble.” Teagan laughed. “That will be the day! But all right, he represents your client, Miss Lewis.”

“You said your friend was abducted, Miss O’Gara?” The woman asked, keeping a wary eye on the massive pony.

“That’s right. Her name is Princess Celestia.” Teagan answered.

“Princess Celestia?” The woman’s eyes hardened. “Do you take me for a fool, Miss O’Gara? I’m gonna find John Nickels and chew him up and spit him out! Damn that man and his practical jokes!”

“As for my client.” She gave Sun Hammer a contemptuous look. “Very funny! A ventriloquist’s trick, though I have to give you credit, the lip synching was right out of a special effects studio. How’d you manage that?”

“Whit blether be this?” Sun Hammer demanded, stepping forward in annoyance. “A need yer help, Investigator Evelyn Lewis. Equestria faces daith unless we find the Princess. Ye dinnae ken? E’er livin’ thing! Death by ice, so it be! Nae mair sun, ever again! Teelo, tell her!”

“Equestria. Yeah, right. You need to talk to Lauren Faust, not me!” She snapped at Sun Hammer. “Wait, what am I doing?” She turned her attention to Teelo. “Good-bye Miss O’Gara. You’ll be getting my bill.”

She grabbed her coat and turned to stalk out of the room, only to hear thudding hooves behind her. She squawked in surprise as she felt herself be lifted in the air by her belt and tossed unceremoniously into the corner where the horse had been standing.

“Ow!” She started to scramble to her feet only to find the horse’s muzzle thrust in her face. She yelped and backed in the corner.

“Whit be yer problem, ye daft besom!” Sun Hammer shouted. “Ye no more hear the Princess’s name afore ye be headin’ for the door!”

“This is assault.” She said with that special kind of calmness one uses with crazy people and dangerous animals. Her hand carefully slid into her jacket. “A joke is one thing but you’ve gone over the line, whoever you are.”

“Miss Lewis, draw your weapon and he might kill you. And if he doesn’t I will.” Teagan said in a low serious tone that drew the PI’s attention. “Sun Hammer is a pony without a lot to lose. He’s not overly stable at the best of times and right now a lot of our friends are going to die unless we get Princess Celestia back. This is not a joke. Equestria is a real place and My Little Ponies is not just a cartoon. I’ve been there. Sun Hammer was born there. Now will you show me a little of that famous adaptability, or do you just talk the talk and not walk the walk?”

“Teagan Laoise O’Gara! That’s enough!” Elaine shouted angrily. “Sun Hammer, let her up this instant!”

“No.” Teagan said with a quiet intensity that worried the PI. “She’s going to sit there until she knows we’re not joking and we’re not crazy.”

“Oh, trust me. I know you’re not joking.” Evelyn said bringing her very empty hand back into view. “I’m not convinced you aren’t crazy. I’ve never heard of anyone training an attack horse before, Miss O’Gara. Very innovative.”

“Po-ny.” Sun Hammer hissed very distinctly, inches from her face. He laid back his ears and bared his teeth. “A am nae a horse, A am a pony. Whit be wrong wi ye? Ye’re staring me in the face and ye still say A’m a horse? Dinnae ye hear me talkin’? Dinnae ye see me, ye blind besom? Teagan thinks ye can help us? Yer as blind as a bat and twice as useless!”

“Not the way to win friends and influence people, Sun Hammer.” Her father said quietly. “Would you please back away and let her up? My apologies, Miss Lewis. My daughter and her friend are under a lot of stress right now. They’re telling the truth.”

“Ye be the Clan head.” Sun Hammer said, stepping back reluctantly. “A may have spoke in haste, Evelyn Lewis. But aw A love is aboot tae die. Cannae ye unnerstand?”

The PI stayed in the corner. She’d seen his mouth moving, she’d smelled his breath as he shouted at her.

“You really can talk.” She said wonderingly.

“Aye.” Sun Hammer stared at her doubtfully. “Cannae ye?”

“Let’s say for the sake of argument I believe you. Are you telling me Princess Celestia and Rainbow Dash and all the other cartoon characters are real? That a Saturday morning cartoon is actually about a real place? Rarity really did throw cake all over Prince Blueblood at the Gala? Pinkie Pie really can predict the future? Twilight really did defeat an Ursa Minor?”

“You seem to know an awful lot about Equestria.” Teagan said, eyeing the investigator strangely. The woman shrugged.

“I’m a pegasister, Miss O’Gara. I met Lauren Faust at a convention. That’s why I’m having such a hard time believing you.”

“Don’t believe me then.” Teagan said with a half smile. “But isn’t a half-ton of pony getting in your face pretty convincing?”

“You have a point.” Evelyn admitted, watching Sun Hammer. “You weren’t kidding about surprises, were you?”

“Nope. We need your help. Princess Celestia’s been abducted by an unknown enemy, one the head of the Horns has never heard of.”

“Horns?” The PI’s eyebrows contracted in puzzlement. “Never heard of them.”

“They’re kind of the pony version of CSI.” Teagan explained. “Haven’t shown up in the show yet. Anyway, whoever this new enemy is they managed to abduct Celestia and not alert the guards outside. We’re probably looking at something as powerful as Discord.”

“And you want me to find her? No offense, Miss O’Gara but that’s a pretty tall order! Celestia’s the most powerful wizard in Equestria, right? Something that could take her out wouldn’t even have to break a sweat dealing with me.”

“Us.” Teagan corrected. “I’m going back too. I helped defeat Discord a year ago when he hatched a plot with Nightmare to free himself. Nightmare Discord.” She shuddered. “If I could do that with just the Mane 6, then you, me, Sun Hammer, a Green Beret and Twilight and friends should be able to deal with whatever this is.”

“A Green Beret?” Evelyn asked, startled.

“Yeah, my Krav Maga instructor. He’s going with us. And then there’s Crush.” She went over to a chair and pulled out a nasty looking club of knobby gray iron.

“This is Crush. It’s a magical club created by a troll wizard. Crush is incredibly powerful, almost like Thor’s hammer. With all that on our side I’m thinking we’ve got a fighting chance. So, you in?”

“We’ll have Luna’s backing?” She asked. Teagan nodded.

“And the support of every single pony, and probably every intelligent creature on the planet.”

“Ok, I’m in. I can’t believe I’m actually going to Equestria! This is nuts.”

“Get your stuff. Sun Hammer tells me we’ll have about 30 seconds when the gate opens. You might want to change clothes. Did you bring hiking boots?”

“Hiking shoes, but yeah. You said a gate? Like a magic portal?”

“Right, the Bridge of Days.” Teagan said. “Matt called it Bifröst, it’s a rainbow bridge. Looks like a hole in the air.”

“How long do we have till it opens?” Evelyn asked.

“About four hours.” Teagan replied. “Do you have a weapon?”

“My pistol.” The PI replied, brushing back her jacket, revealing a small pistol under her arm.

“Not sure that’s going to do much.” Teagan said doubtfully. “Equestria’s got some pretty big monsters.”

“Won’t we be talking our way past them? I mean the ponies do fight but they try to negotiate with creatures first.” Evelyn objected. “At least in the cartoon.”

“Aye, so we dae.” Sun Hammer snorted. “Mind ye, some folk be just crabbit an need peerie sense kicked intae their heads, so thay daes.”

“I think I actually understood that.” The PI said, tilting her head. “Sound a lot like humans. So what’s the plan?”

“Well, Twilight thought having an investigator from our world would be helpful.” Teagan said. “Ponies don’t think like we do, they’re not used to thinking like a bad guy. Your job will probably be more a consulting role, working with the Horns and the Royal Guard instead of going around and asking questions. From what I gather nobody saw anything. She went to bed and when they went to wake her they found her chamber all messed up.”

“If the guards didn’t hear anything it means whatever took her did so by surprise. I’m amazed she didn’t put up a fight.” Evelyn mused.

“Laikly the Princess were poisoned in her sleep.” Sun Hammer said grimly. “Bit or stung, belike.”

“Nasty.” The PI commented. “She’s bigger than Sun Hammer, right? Must have been a powerful drug. We’re assuming she’s still alive, I hope?”

“Yeah. But we don’t know for sure.” Teagan said, feeling her anger stir. “We’re going to act on the assumption she’s still alive. The alternative is—well, she’s alive.”

“Aye.” Sun Hammer grunted.

The PI decided not to tell them the survival rate of kidnap victims in situations like this. Celestia was a goddess, after all. Bound to be hard to kill…

“Did they get a sample of the drug?” Evelyn asked.

“Aye, so they did.” Sun Hammer said. “They dinnae ken what it be, though. Ye ken poisons and such laik?”

“No.” Evelyn admitted. “Nothing forensic, just what I’ve picked up here and there. I doubt I’d recognize it. Well, I’d better get my stuff. Is there somewhere I can change, Miss O’Gara?”

“Call me Teelo.” Teagan said. “We’re gonna be together for a long time.”

“Then you can call me Evelyn.” The PI said, chuckling. “I never thought I’d be going to Equestria, of all places. I still can’t believe it.”

She retrieved her rucksack and was ready when Matt came back. He was dressed in fatigues, there was a massive pack on his back and he was carrying an oversized duffle bag. The front of his body bristled with pouches.

“Wow.” Teagan commented “I guess Green Berets are like Boy Scouts. What is all that stuff?”

“Supplies, basic field med kit, ammo clips, a knife or two, and basic gear.” He shrugged off the pack and unclipped the vest, setting it down with a solid thump.

Teelo eyed his collection warily.

“How much does all that weigh?” She asked in morbid curiosity.

“About a hundred pounds. I can’t get grenades or full combat clips so it cuts down the weight a little.” Matt said with a straight face.

“How can you still carry all that, Matt? Aren’t you old?” She asked tactlessly. He cuffed her lightly on the back of the head.

“I can still knock you down, Squirt and not raise a sweat.” He reminded her. “I’d hate to carry it for days on end but I can carry it for a few hours. If we don’t haul it across the bridge, we won’t have it. Where’s your gear?”

“Right here.” She said, lifting her backpack and dropping it again. “I have the kit you helped me make plus my clothes. The ponies can carry food for us, especially Pinkie Pie. She’s got magical saddle bags. They can even hold a bazooka. I wish I was kidding about the bazooka.”

“Handy. But if it isn’t on your body, Squirt, you might not be able to get to it when you need it. That kit’s only got one emergency meal. What are you going to do if you get separated from us?”

“Yell for help?” She asked sarcastically. “That’s why you’re coming along, isn’t it?”

“Always plan for the worst, little girl. That way you can make sure Murphy won’t give you a really bad day.” Matt scolded her. “What about water?”

“What about it? We’ll have chariots if we need to go a long way, and they have supplies packed in them too.”

“And who’s pulling them?” Matt asked patiently.

“A pair of pegasi.” She said.

“Who also need food and water?” Matt asked with raised eyebrows. “An army moves on its stomach, my girl. Always secure your supply lines. Or you might not live to regret it.”

He turned to Teagan’s mother.

“Elaine, can you pack a couple of bags of nuts and hard candy? Nothing perishable, but enough for a solid snack? Also, do you have bottled water? Teelo, you should pack at least one bottle, preferably two.”

“Yes, Matt.” She said with exaggerated patience. She went to the kitchen to help her mother gather supplies.

The rest of the time they spent just talking. When zero hour finally arrived it found the four of them on their feet. They didn’t know exactly when the Bridge would open, so the tension was pretty high.

Teagan was looking at it when it opened. There was a rippling in the air and a rapidly expanding hole with rainbow edges appeared. It rapidly grew until a seven foot opening stretched from floor to ceiling.

Sun Hammer roared and charged the opening, with Matt right behind him. Teagan started running, and Evelyn yelped and leaped after her. The Bridge shimmered under her feat for just a few steps, and then she burst into a dark forest clearing, lit by torches.

“That’s the lot, Subtle Dancer! Ye can close it up.” Sun Hammer said loudly. Teagan turned and watched the bridge collapse into a bright flash of light. Evelyn was grinning like a loon and staring at Subtle Dancer, who closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

“Celestia, preserve me!” He said, puffing. “Thank goodness I don’t have to do that again!”

Teelo took a deep breath of the pine-scented air. In spite of everything she could feel herself relaxing. It had been almost a year since she’d stood in this forest.

It was good to be back.

Comments

[danail24]

Hhahahahahaahah! Imagined the face of Teelo's mom at the end! XD

[Mossy Mare]

1845278 Oh, you just know the parents will be having a discussion after this. I would love to be privy to that conversation!