My Little Teelo: Winter's Silence

by Ardwolf

Party Animals

In which a princess is answered, we discover not all pies are created equal, and an artist gains recognition.

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“Hail, Dronning Teagan!” The troll soldier bowed his head. “I am Skrent. This is my brother Flint. We both speak pony tongue, as you requested. We shall serve as your bodyguard, and pledge our lives to your safety!”

Teagan winced, both from the volume of the troll’s announcement and his promise. Trolls didn’t lie, and she doubted these soldiers were cut from the same cloth as the Snøskred. So when he said they pledged their lives, he was being literal.

Gotta love troll dedication, she thought ruefully. But I could live without the guilt. Note to self, avoid dangerous bakeries while shopping today…

“Do these two satisfy you, my queen?” The king asked. “They are not the most skilled of my guard, but they have both served with bravery and distinction. I trust them to keep you safe.”

“Can you keep your heads if provoked?” She asked Skrent.

“If you so order.” Skrent said, nodding solemnly. “I have heard tales of your prowess, Dronning Teagan. How you wielded Mountain Heart and defeated Discord in single combat. I am honored to serve such great queen!”

“What about you, Flint?” She turned to the other troll.

“I obey. Keep you safe.” Flint said, face neutral. Teagan’s eyes narrowed. She’d seen that neutral expression before.

“I see. Do you understand why I asked that question?” She asked him.

“Ponies see stupid trolls, they laugh.” Flint said shortly. “Smashing them makes trouble for you. So we will not.”

“I have got to introduce you to my friend.” Teagan said with a ghost of a smile. “I think you’ll really like him. Well, come on you two. I don’t want to keep everyone waiting. Fjell, would you like me to get you anything while I’m out?”

“No, my queen. I need nothing at the moment.” He said, obviously surprised by her offer.

“See you when I get back, then.” Teagan said cheerfully. She was looking forward to this. No worries, just a carefree day of shopping with her friends.

What could possibly go wrong?

ooOoo

Elaine stared at the alicorn, feeling like she’d been punched in the stomach. She tried to say something, but couldn’t think of anything in the face of that kindly, knowing stare. John didn’t try to come to her defense either, the weasel. He was waiting for her to answer the princess herself.

“Of course I trust her! But there are limits, Your Highness. She’s a sixteen year-old girl, still just a child! She isn’t strong enough or wise enough to be fighting wars and ruling trolls or Lord knows what else!”

“Are you quite certain of that?” Celestia asked gently. “The first time she came to us, she was lost and afraid and even younger than she is now. Yet that frightened child saved my life using nothing but her wits and her tongue against a cunning master trickster born at the dawn of the world.”

“When all seemed lost and she was lying there utterly humiliated, she still found the courage to rise against a monster and save the world.”

Celestia kept her regard mild and her voice soft as she continued.

“Your daughter is a hero, Lady Elaine. When Equestria needed her most, she came back and forged an alliance between humans and ponies and trolls. She mastered Mountain Heart and with that deed proved herself worthy to be queen of the trolls.”

“She has the instincts she needs to be queen, the courage to do what is right and the heart to see it through. The whole world is in her debt, Lady Elaine! She has friends here, and many powerful allies. She may be young but I believe she is a child no longer.”

“Besides,” Celestia suddenly chuckled, “it’s only for three months. She will be well guarded. Kongen Fjell may have been—prejudiced—by the death of his father, but he is not a bad king. He will be the one to actually rule the trolls, as he has done for some years now. His true agenda is merely to have Lady Teelo gain a bond with her subjects, the same way she has a bond with us. Surely that is no bad thing?”

“It draws her away from Earth, Your Highness. The more involved she becomes with Equestria the harder it will be for her to have a normal human life. Surely you understand that?” Elaine asked. “How can she get married and have a family if she’s the only human here?”

Celestia paused, clearly giving Elaine’s words serious thought.

“Lady Teelo has already expressed a desire to return to your world.” Celestia said carefully. “I would not dream of keeping her in Equestria if she does not desire to stay. We owe her too much to do that. But has she not also said she misses her friends here? Is it impossible for her to live in both worlds?”

“I can’t see how she could do that, Your Highness.” John entered the conversation for the first time. “Even assuming she could find a man willing to believe in Equestria—and that’s a pretty tall order all by itself—how would their children react? Expecting them to keep this place a secret is just plain cruel. They couldn’t do it.”

“Besides, how could Teagan keep a job on Earth if she has to come back here whenever there’s trouble? People have responsibilities. You can’t just drop everything and vanish without warning! No employer would tolerate that.” Elaine pointed out.

“I know that better than anyone.” The princess said ruefully. “However, if it is merely a matter of finances then it won’t be a problem. Investigator Lewis has already remarked to me how common gold and gems are in Equestria compared to your world. She told me a couple of pounds of gold and a handful of gems would more than pay the fee for the services she’s rendered us. By our standards that’s a paltry sum, no more than a week’s wage for most ponies.”

“Of course as queen of the trolls Lady Teelo receives a generous stipend and certainly Equestria would be willing to contribute as well.”

Elaine and John stared at the princess, thinking about the “paltry” sum of two pounds of gold and a handful of jewels…

“Well, that takes one problem away.” John admitted. “But there’s still the whole secrecy thing. That really puts a crimp in a relationship.”

“But I thought—” Celestia began, and then stopped.

“Thought what, Your Highness?” Elaine asked.

“Aren’t Lady Teelo and Matthew involved?” Celestia asked hesitantly. “They seem quite comfortable in each other’s company. Perhaps I am wrong?”

“You had better be.” Elaine growled. “He’s older than John! If he did anything I’ll skin him alive!”

“Calm down, Elaine.” John said soothingly. “You know better than that. Matt wouldn’t do anything, he’s a gentleman. Your Highness, Is it possible you mistook friendship for something else? Humans aren’t ponies, so maybe you misread the situation?”

“No doubt you’re right, Lord O’Gara.” The alicorn said. “I’m terribly sorry if I implied anything improper was going on between them. I certainly didn’t mean to impugn anyone’s character! I hold both the Lieutenant and your daughter in the highest regard.”

“It’s all right, Your Highness.” John said quickly. “You’ve only seen one human male so you couldn’t know. Matt is much older than Teagan. Any romance between them would be unthinkable.”

“I see. He seems to be extremely strong, much stronger than Lady Teelo, in fact. Perhaps that’s why I didn’t realize he was old.”

“Well, he’s not really old, Your Highness.” Elaine said. “He’s middle-aged, forty-six or forty-seven if I recall. I have to admit he’s in better shape than a lot of younger men though. I think it’s all the martial arts he does.”

The uncomfortable conversation was thankfully derailed by the arrival of Marigold towing a small cart filled with food. All three gratefully let the subject drop as the humans quickly unloaded the cart, much to the bemusement of both Marigold and Celestia.

But as the three settled down to some serious eating everyone agreed the food was excellent.

ooOoo

“What’s keeping her?” Rainbow Dash asked impatiently for the fifth time in fifteen minutes. “At this rate we won’t have any time to shop!”

“Heavy hangs the head that wears the crown.” Matt said calmly. “She’ll be along, Dash.”

“I can’t believe Teelo is a queen!” Fluttershy said excitedly. “Her Royal Majesty! I’m so happy for her!”

“I’m not so sure, Fluttershy.” Twilight said. “I’ve seen how hard Princess Celestia works. Being the ruler of a whole country is no picnic.”

“I reckon Teelo’s got what it takes.” Applejack declared. “We all seen her when the chips were down. She’s no quitter. Stubborn as any troll, that gal.”

“Yeah, and you oughta know stubborn, Applejack!” Rainbow Dash teased her friend, who just grinned.

“Reckon Ah does got a stubborn streak, right ‘nough.” The orange pony admitted. “Comes in mighty handy sometimes.”

“You’re one to talk, darling.” Rarity said to the blue pegasus. “You’re just as stubborn as dear Applejack.”

“Who, me?” Rainbow Dash asked, raising her eyebrows. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The rest of her friends burst into laughter, making the pegasus grin. Matt and Evelyn exchanged a look over the ponies’ heads.

“Looking forward to going home?” Evelyn asked the soldier. That caught the ponies’ attention.

“Yeah. This place is a lot of fun, but Jerry’s no good with the paperwork. I shudder to think what my desk looks like right now.” Matt said. “He’s a good instructor but couldn’t admin his way out of a paper bag.”

“Will you ever come back to see us?” Twilight asked. He grinned.

“Well, since Squirt is coming back every year for the summer, I might just tag along now and again.” He said with a grin. “Who knows? Might even retire here one of these days if the Princess would allow it.”

“Pinkie will be happy to hear that.” Fluttershy said with a smile.

“Ah, my favorite cupcake eater.” Matt chuckled. “Where is she, anyway?”

“She’s getting ready for the you-know-what.” Spike said, breaking away from his dreamy gaze at Rarity. “What do we say if Teelo asks?”

“Pinkie got a rare chance to get a lesson from the great Prance baker Magnifique.” Rarity said smoothly. “An honor so rare it is only extended once in a pony’s lifetime. It’s an astounding coincidence, how Magnifique just happened to be here at the castle, really. She is in such demand among the hoi polloi you know.”

“That works.” Evelyn said, nodding.

“What about you, Evelyn? Will you come back to visit?” Fluttershy asked.

“I’m afraid it would have to be a working vacation.” Evelyn laughed. “Equestria’s economics are really incompatible with Earth’s. Did you know a single bit is worth almost eight hundred dollars? Even a small gem will fetch a few thousand!”

Matt whistled. “Talk about a one-sided exchange rate! Guess I’ll have to save my pennies.”

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked, confused. “Is a dollar a small coin in your world?”

“Nope.” Evelyn smiled. “A dollar is worth a hundred of our smallest coins. Your coins are made of 22kt gold, which is very valuable back on Earth. Bits are 12 parts gold to 1 part copper, and your coins weigh 16 grams, a little over half a troy ounce. That’s about 80,000 of our smallest coins.”

“Whoa.” Rainbow Dash said, impressed.

“Of course a penny’s pretty worthless.” Matt interjected. “They don’t even have pieces of candy that cost a penny anymore.”

“Remember when Fluttershy wanted to buy a cherry and the vendor wanted two bits? That’s sixteen hundred dollars. Pretty expensive cherry!” The investigator laughed.

“We do not talk about that day.” Rarity said primly. “Fluttershy was simply not herself.”

“But she came back to herself very nicely.” Evelyn countered as the yellow pegasus blushed and hung her head. “The way she firmly but politely stood up to that minotaur? I for one was very impressed. I’ve even used it as inspiration for dealing with difficult clients.”

“Oh, my.” Fluttershy brought her head up in surprise. “Really?”

“Really.” The woman nodded firmly. “You did good, Fluttershy. I just wish more humans could learn from your example.”

The compliment reduced the pink and yellow pegasus to blushing silence.

ooOoo

Teagan you idiot! Never ask what can possibly go wrong, numbskull! Teagan berated herself as she got the first indication her shopping trip might not go as smoothly as she’d hoped.

She was watching the trolls and the ponies maneuver around her and each other like cats circling, just before the fur starts to fly. She had a half dozen of the Sun Shield and the two trolls either flanking or trailing her as she made her way along the castle corridors.

The trolls tried to cover either side while staying roughly behind her while the ponies flanking her tried discreetly to herd the trolls and prevent them from keeping their stations. She might not have noticed it if she hadn’t spent the year training with Matt, who was a firm believer in keeping situational awareness at all times.

What made it worse was everyone was doing their best to keep her from noticing their silent scuffle. She began taking childish delight in pausing here and there to admire the castle’s décor while really keeping an eye on her two different escorts.

It was quite the circus. She would have enjoyed it except the constant subtle motions around her were triggering all sorts of alarms, thanks to Matt’s training, and they just wouldn’t stop.

“OK, hold up guys!” She finally said, turning around and walking backwards. The entire comedy troupe stumbled to a halt, trying not to collide with each other.

“Updraft, you’re in charge of the wing, right?” She asked. She’d gotten better at recognizing individual ponies underneath the armor and magic that served as the Sun Shield uniform.

A burly pony nodded.

“Good. Then take us to the nearest available meeting room.” Her tone didn’t quite stray over the line into impoliteness.

“Yes, Lady Teagan.” The pegasi moved into the lead and brought the group to a large empty room with a table surrounded by cushions. After everyone filed inside Teagan closed the door with the careful precision of someone who would really rather slam it.

“All of you sit down.” She growled. “I don’t care if you’re next to a pony or a troll, understand? Just sit down.” She glared around the table. Wordlessly the two groups obeyed her, shifting eyes revealing both groups’ tension as the trolls found themselves separated by a pair of ponies. The ponies didn’t look happy about it either.

“Updraft, what is your rank in the Sun Shield?” Teagan asked him.

“Wing leader, Lady Teagan.” He said in a neutral tone. She’d heard Matt use that tone too, and knew the wing leader was being careful not to anger her further. She found she really didn’t care—which was a bad warning sign. She took a deep breath and clamped down on her temper.

“And what are your orders?” She asked more calmly.

“To act as your guard, ma’am.” The pegasus said with that very special lack of expression that Teagan knew so very well, having learned to use it around Matt. “To keep you safe.”

“Your orders come from Shining Armor?” She asked.

“Yes, ma’am. Given to him by Princess Celestia herself.” The pegasus said.

“Is it true that, within reason, you will obey my orders? For example, to go one place or go another? Like coming to this room?”

“Yes, Lady Teagan. We’re to follow your orders unless those orders would, in my opinion, endanger your life.”

“Very good, wing leader. Thank you.” She turned her attention to the older troll brother.

“Skrent, what are your orders?”

“To guard you with our lives, Dronning Teagan.” He said in a proud tone of voice, every inch the dedicated warrior.

“And who gave you those orders?”

“Kongen Fjell himself, Dronning. You were there.”

“Will you follow my orders?” She asked.

“Of course. We have pledged our lives to you.” Skrent said solemnly. His brother nodded. She saw a couple of the ponies looking at the trolls with slightly widened eyes. Skrent had surprised them.

“Updraft, did you see my fight with Discord?” She asked, still standing by the door.

“Yes, Lady Teagan. At least until you broke Discord’s arm.” The pony responded. “Everypony outside was able to see it.”

“What is your professional assessment of that fight?” She asked, mentally bracing herself.

He hesitated, clearly unwilling to speak.

“Don’t be shy, wing leader. Tell me the truth.”

“I—would rather not, Lady Teagan. With all due respect.” He said.

She laughed.

“Very diplomatic, Updraft! Since you’re being so chivalrous let me tell everyone else what you’re being too kind to say.”

She swept her gaze around the table.

“I got lucky. If Discord hadn’t been so damned full of himself, and had simply attacked once, he’d have splattered me across that clearing like a can of paint.”

She saw the look of stunned disbelief on the trolls’ faces. Even the ponies were showing faint signs of incredulity.

“Sun Hammer gave me fifteen minutes of advice on how to fight. That was the sum total of my lifetime combat experience.”

She nodded as she looked around the table.

“Every one of you is a soldier. So you know how big a miracle my winning that fight really was. And I’ll bet every single one of you now plans to guard me like I’m some kind of fragile little doll.”

She bared her teeth in an expression that wasn’t a smile.

“But that was then, gentlemen, and this is now. I’ve spent the last eleven months training with Matthew Sanders—the same man that led the expedition against Tišina. He’s one of the finest soldiers on Earth and he taught me how to fight. How to make Crush an extension of my own arm. How to see everything around me in terms of threats and potential weapons against those threats.”

She laughed.

“Did you really think you were being subtle, gentlemen? I saw the maneuvering by both sides. All of you are letting your pride and prejudices get in the way of doing your jobs! That keeps me from doing my job and that makes me very unhappy. Are we clear on this?”

“Yes, Lady Teagan.” Updraft said, saluting crisply, clearly unwilling to risk her further displeasure.

“Ja, Dronning Teagan.” The oldest troll brother bowed his head in respect, reverting to Trollish instinctively.

“This is what I propose. I know you’re both under orders to guard me and you both take that duty very seriously. Kongen Fjell and Princess Celestia trust you to keep me safe. Believe me when I say I don’t want to make your jobs any harder! But I think I know a way you can do that and be more effective at the same time.”

She pointed at the trolls.

“Skrent and Flint are brothers and have served together for a long time. They know how to fight together and they’re close-in combat specialists. Those claws combined with that reach means very little is going to get past them. Anything that does is going to meet Crush coming the other way.”

“On the other hand, the Sun Shield is faster, you know how to fight as a team and you can fly. That makes you perfect for keeping threats at a distance, either on the ground or in the air. On Earth we call this a layered defense. Anything that punches through the outer shell hits a second, equally nasty, wall. And if they make it through the second wall the third wall takes them down.”

She smiled. “Wing leader, would you want to fight your way through the Sun Shield and then have to get by a pair of highly trained and very angry trolls? Only to have a mountain smack you in the face if you did manage it?”

“No ma’am, I would not.” He said firmly.

“In your professional opinion are these tactics sound?”

He nodded.

“Skrent, what do you think?”

“They are sound, Dronning.” The troll replied. “I see no flaw. My only complaint is ponies will do most of fighting while we stand idly by. That hardly seems fair.”

“Fair to whom, Skrent? The ponies? Or your sense of honor?” Teagan asked.

Skrent hesitated, blindsided by her question. As she continued to gaze at him with an expectant expression he realized she really wanted an answer.

“Strange question, Dronning.” He said slowly. “I must think on this. I have no answer for you now.”

Teagan smiled, pleased the troll hadn’t blurted out an answer. Maybe ordinary trolls aren’t as stupid as everyone assumes, she thought.

“Fair enough.” She said aloud. “Updraft, if the tactical situation were reversed and the ponies were the inner ring with the trolls making first contact, would you think it was unfair to the trolls?”

She looked him in the eye, daring him to give her a quick answer.

“No, Lady Teagan. To each creature the task best suited them.” He finally said. “Let me also add the Sun Shield being the outer ring and having to bear the brunt of any fighting was something we expected to do anyway, before we knew the trolls were joining us. In that respect nothing has changed.”

“So, will the ponies and the trolls cooperate and stop the foolish game you were playing in the hallway?” Teagan asked, looking back and forth between Updraft and Skrent. The two of them had the grace to look uncomfortable.

“We will, Dronning Teagan. My oath on it.” Skrent said, bowing his head again.

“Yes, Lady Teagan.” Updraft said, saluting her again.

“Very good. Now, gentlemen, let me tell you what my mission is for today.” She said, smiling widely.

ooOoo

“Hi guys, sorry I’m late!” Teagan said almost running into the room.

“Finally! What took you so—whoa!” Rainbow Dash took two quick steps back as the trolls came striding in behind the girl, towering over the ponies. Two of the Sun Shield took up positions to either side of the door as two more flanked the trolls. The pegasus craned her neck and stared up at the trolls with wide eyes.

“Just some last minute details I had to straighten out.” Teagan said, settling gratefully on the padded stool left empty for her.

“Aren’t you going to introduce your new friends?” Matt asked mildly.

“Oh! Everyone, this is Skrent and his brother Flint. They’re my bodyguards. The king assigned them to me. Skrent, Flint, this is Matthew Sanders, I told you about him, and Evelyn Lewis, a private investigator. The blue pegasus giving you the wide-eyed look is Rainbow Dash.”

“Hey!” She protested indignantly.

“And here we have Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, and hiding under the table is Fluttershy, one of my dearest friends. Oh, and I can’t forget Spike, the brave dragon who destroyed a tulpa that Discord sent to attack us!”

“That’s me.” Spike said jauntily, hooking a thumb into his chest and grinning at the trolls.

“Vel møtt.” Skrent nodded to the group. Flint nodded as well but didn’t say anything. Both trolls were doing their best to obey Teagan’s instructions about looming, but were having a hard time of it. Looming was kind of the point for trolls.

“Hey, where’s Pinkie?” Teagan asked, noticing how quiet and peaceful the room was.

“She got an invitation, darling. Magnifique, the famous Prance baker is here at the palace! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. Personal instruction from the master, herself! She simply couldn’t miss it.” Rarity said smoothly.

“Oh, well I guess we’ll meet up with her later. Hey Matt, you and Flint should talk, I think you two would really hit it off.” Teagan said as she stood up.

“Oh?” Matt raised an eyebrow, looking over at the troll who stared back impassively.

“He’s got a sense of humor just like yours.” Teagan laughed. “Let’s get going guys, before all the good stuff’s gone!”

The shopping trip was exactly what Teagan needed to settle her nerves after the roller-coaster ride of the past three weeks. The presence of the trolls in the street was largely ignored by the cosmopolitan citizens of Canterlot, which reassured Teagan that her plans weren’t completely doomed.

She was so reassured in fact that she decided to try an experiment. Spotting a pie vendor she was struck with a sudden sharp pang of hunger and asked Fluttershy to read the prices to her. When the group had moved past she turned to Skrent.

“Skrent, I have a small job for you. Think you’re up to it?”

“Of course, Dronning!” He straightened, coming to attention.

“Good. Here’s six bits. I want you to go back to that pie vendor and buy three pies, one for me, and two more for you and your brother. Remember to say ‘please’ when you ask for the pies and ‘thank you’ afterward, all right?”

“Yes, Dronning.” He said with considerably less enthusiasm. He eyed the pony running the stand like she was a cockatrice, but accepted the money Teagan gave him.

“Darling, was that wise?” Rarity asked in concern, watching as the troll moved slowly toward the pie stand. The mare watched him come, her stance betraying just a hint of nervousness.

“It will be fine.” Teagan said confidently.

“It’s just that trolls aren’t the—oh dear,” Rarity trailed off.

Skrent had reached the pie stand and was speaking to the mare, who said something back. The troll scratched his head and said something else. The mare shook her head and pointed at her sign. Teagan began to get a cold feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Fluttershy, you said the pies were two bits each, right?” Teagan asked.

Fluttershy nodded. “That’s what the sign said. That’s about right for butterscotch pies. I wonder what the problem is? You gave him six bits, I saw you.”

“Teelo, darling, maybe we should—” Rarity started to say when the mare stomped her hoof and glared at the troll, who backed away a step. They didn’t hear what he said but the mare screeched like a cat whose tail had just been stomped on. She stepped from behind her stall and lowered her head, pawing the ground.

“Oh, that’s not good.” Teagan said as she started jogging toward Skrent, who was backing away from the angry pony. Naturally, Flint followed her and the Sun Shield followed them both. Rarity and Fluttershy looked at each other and broke into a trot toward the rapidly deteriorating situation. The other ponies would have followed but Matt put a restraining hand on Twilight’s shoulder.

“Let the Squirt handle it.” He said mildly. “She’s the queen, remember?”

“But—” Twilight gestured toward the quarrel.

More ponies were joining the pie seller now and as the volume of the voices increased so did their heat. By the time Teagan arrived there were a dozen angry ponies backing the mare and she was shouting at Skrent, whose face was carefully neutral. Since he couldn’t smash the ponies he seemed at a loss to what he should do.

“Stupid troll! Insultin’ an honest business pony and trying ta steal the very bread from her mout’! Why don’t ye go back to the mountains where ye belong?”

Teagan stepped in front of Skrent, making the pony pause in mid rant. She stared at the girl, eyes widening.

“Is there a problem, ma’am?” Teagan said as Flint and the Sun Shield arrived on the scene. The mare’s supporters, suddenly realizing that they were facing the Royal Guard, began to quietly back away.

“Don’t tink ye can intimidate me you, you—what e’er ye are! Trolls or no trolls you’re not gonna scare Milseáin Torte! You dere, guards! Arrest dis troll! He tried to steal me pies!”

The guard ponies ignored her.

“Miss Torte, there seems to be some misunderstanding here.” Teagan spoke soothingly. “I got hungry and asked my friend to get some pies for us. I gave him money, wasn’t it enough? Six bits for three pies?”

“Six bits buys tree slices.” The pony said. “Can’t ye read da sign?”

“No, actually I can’t.” Teagan said quietly. “But I asked my pegasus friend how much they were and she told me your sign said 2 bits. She also said that was about normal for a butterscotch pie. How much are your pies, Miss Torte?”

“Twenty bits.” The pony said haughtily. “And dat’s wit’ a gen’rous four bit discount from da slice price too! Dese aren’t yer ordinary pies, missy! They’re Royal Equestrian Supremes! Da best in all da land! Why, the Princess herself can’t be getting’ a better pie dan mine! And everypony knows it!”

Fluttershy and Rarity were standing behind the guard pegasi, who were surrounding Teagan and the trolls on three sides. The yellow pegasus was trembling.

“This is all my fault.” She whimpered quietly.

“No, darling, it isn’t.” Rarity said firmly. “Two bits a slice? That’s outrageous! The Princess couldn’t get a better pie indeed! Hmph. Who does this pie seller think she is?”

“But I told Teelo and she believed me and now look at the mess I’ve made!” Fluttershy hung her head. “I’ve got to go explain things before somepony gets hurt.”

Rarity stepped in front of her.

“No, dear Fluttershy. You stay right there. Let Teelo sort this out. It will be good practice for her. She’s a queen after all. This is what rulers do.”

“Are you sure, Rarity?” There were tears building up in the gentle pony’s eyes.

“Yes, I’m very sure, darling. Now hush, I want to hear this.”

During their conversation Teagan had kept talking.

“All right,” Teagan said mildly. “That explains why he didn’t have enough money. But it doesn’t explain why you’re confronting him.”

“He called me a liar. To me face! Demanded three pies as bold as ye please! Dat’s sixty bits and he was wanting ta give me six!”

“I told him your pies were 2 bits apiece because that’s what I believed.” Teagan said, trying to calm the pony down. “I apologize for this terrible misunderstanding. It wasn’t his fault, it was mine.”

“And why should he be believin’ ye over me, ye skinny bean pole? I dunno what ye are but—”

Two very angry growls from behind her chilled Teagan’s blood. Those growls reached down to the primitive part of her brain, the part still afraid of saber-tooth tigers. She paled.

The pony in front of her became very quiet, mouth hanging open. The guard pegasi tensed unhappily, aware they were caught up in a serious conflict of orders.

“Skrent, Flint, enough. Thank you.” Teagan said without turning around, somehow making her voice steady. Poker face was no problem. Poker voice, now that was harder…

Thankfully the trolls fell silent. Teagan relaxed, but the pony in front of her didn’t. Teagan had no doubt the trolls were glaring. After all, she hadn’t told them they couldn’t.

“You want to know what I am, Miss Torte? I am Teagan Laoise, scion of clan O’Gara.” Teagan said in an icy clam voice. “Better known in Equestria as Lady Teagan, and known among the trolls as Dronning Av Fjellet, Queen of the Mountain. I am the queen of all trolls.”

“By the way, those Royal guards you asked to arrest this troll? They’re members of the Sun Shield, the personal bodyguard of Princess Celestia herself. But right now they are my bodyguards, Miss Torte, by direct order of the Princess. The two trolls glaring at you are part of my bodyguard too, my personal bodyguards, entrusted to me by Kongen Fjell, king of the trolls.”

“And that, Miss Torte, is why Skrent believed me instead of you.” Teagan was speaking quietly now. The earth pony was watching Teagan, her legs quivering ever so slightly.

“Again, I do apologize for this misunderstanding. It was entirely my fault and I accept the blame for it. So rather than cause any more of a scene, why don’t you go back to your stand, we’ll be on our way, and we both forget this whole unfortunate affair ever happened. Deal?”

The mare blinked several times, and then nodded her head jerkily.

“Sorry.” She muttered. “If I’d known who he was—”

Teagan felt her temper flare. “Don’t.” She said in a quietly dangerous voice. “Don’t you dare say you’d have been nicer to him if you knew he was a queen’s bodyguard. Go back to your pies, Miss Torte. Because you just lost any sympathy I had to give you. If you’re very lucky you may learn a lesson from this and treat the next stranger with more kindness than you did my friend. Go away, Miss Torte. And fix your damn sign!”

Teagan spun on her heel.

“Let’s go.” She growled, stalking between the two trolls, who silently followed her. She found Rarity and Fluttershy, the former wearing an expression of awe and the latter with tears running down her face.

“Teelo, I’m so sorry! This is all my fault!” She exclaimed wretchedly.

Teagan hugged the crying pegasus with both arms.

“Silly filly.” She said, letting go. “It is so not your fault. The sign did say two bits! You couldn’t have known. So don’t worry about it. Come on, I’m still hungry. Let’s find someplace that’s not so incredibly expensive.”

Matt grinned at her as she rejoined the rest of the party.

“Crisis averted? Not too shabby, Squirt!”

“Yeah, well, she made me mad. Bigoted idiot.” Teagan groused. “Skrent, I want to apologize. I never would have asked you to do that if I’d realized those damn pies were so expensive. You did exactly the right thing. I’m proud of you.”

“But all I did was stand there, Dronning.” Skrent answered, puzzled.

“Exactly. And that was precisely what you should have done. Thank you. I know that had to be embarrassing.”

“I am honored you consider me your friend, Dronning.” Skrent said quietly. “To know that I would endure far worse.”

Teagan stared at him, surprised. Recovering quickly she asked the important question.

“By the way, what did you say to her? She said you called her a liar?”

“I did not. I said her sign said two bits and I was offering her six bits for three pies, just as her sign asked. And now she was asking for much more money, which wasn’t right.”

Matt chuckled, making Teagan glare at him.

“Honest troll meets sharp business pony.” Matt said. “Squirt, you have your work cut out for you. Cross cultural misunderstandings are a serious problem. They’ve bitten me a time or two, and it usually ends in tears. I’d tread carefully if I were you, Your Majesty. You might not be so lucky next time.”

“It was just a freaking pie Matt!” She protested.

“Nope.” He said. “That’s what nobody ever understands. It wasn’t just a pie. Skrent saw a cheater. That mare saw a thief. Neither one had a clue they were wrong. That’s why it nearly ended up in a brawl, because her friends were going to help her and you were going to help him. Wars start that way, Teelo.”

“Over a pie?” She asked incredulously.

“Over a misunderstanding.” Matt corrected her. “It’s usually something small that starts it. Mistrust on both sides, hard feelings over a disagreement, friends jumping in to help, and before you know it you have a diplomatic incident. Too many of those and you have a war.”

Teagan shivered. The trolls were looking at Matt with interest.

“Teelo’s right. That mare was just a hothead.” Rainbow Dash said dismissively. “Skrent wasn’t doing anything wrong! He wasn’t trying to pick a fight!”

“Tell that to the dozen ponies backing her up.” Matt said, meeting her gaze. “If they’d charged he would have either had to run or fight. Guess which one he’d choose?”

“Matthew Sanders is right, Dronning.” Skrent said. “I would not have run.”

“Of course I am.” He sighed. “Guys, I’ve seen way too much of exactly this kind of thing. It only takes one hothead to ignite a crowd. You should thank the Sun Shield, Teelo. They were the ones that made her friends back off.”

“Updraft, do you think it could have gotten ugly?” Teelo asked the wing leader.

He nodded. “Lieutenant Sanders is absolutely right, Lady Teagan. If we hadn’t been there those ponies would have mobbed you. You could have gotten badly hurt in the fight—or had to hurt your attackers. There’s a reason the Princess assigns guards to foreign dignitaries.”

“I guess getting ponies and trolls to be allies is going to be harder than I thought.” Teagan said with a sigh. “Ponies aren’t supposed to be bigots! They’re supposed to be friendly!”

Applejack spoke up.

“Some folks jes’ don’t think, Teelo. Now, you take us, we’re easy going, even Dashie. Up on the ice everypony had ta work together. Trolls, ponies, humans, it made no never mind ‘cause Tišina weren’t choosy who she stuck with them there stingers o’ hers. Meanin’ we got ta know the Alene and the Snøskred right well. But the ponies here in Canterlot, they’re kinda snooty anyways. They don’t know the trolls like we do. An’ they don’t wanna, cause city folk stick together, you know? Even we ain’t always welcome, an’ we’re ponies too.”

“Maybe I’m being naïve. Maybe I should just give up.” Teagan said, shoulders slumping.

“Whoa, now pardner! Ain’t nobody said nothin’ ‘bout givin’ up!” Applejack said hastily. “Trolls an’ ponies shouldn’t be fightin’, and that’s a fact. You’re gonna do a heap o’ good fer both sides, Teelo. Don’t be givin’ up jes’ cause some folks is ornery. Way I figur’ it, the more friends ya got, the better off yer gonna be.”

“Friendship is magic?” She asked with a wan smile.

“Durn tootin’!” Applejack said firmly.

“That’s why I’m in Ponyville, Teelo.” Twilight said. “To study the magic of friendship. There’s nothing more powerful.”

“Looks to me like someone’s got low blood sugar.” Evelyn noted. “Maybe we should get you something to eat? You’ll feel better.”

“I had a huge breakfast.” Teagan protested. “I shouldn’t be hungry yet! But I’m starved. I’ve been eating like a horse ever since I got here and I’m actually losing weight!”

Matt’s eyes narrowed.

“Have you felt any kind of abdominal pain?” He asked.

She shook her head.

“No, why?”

“Tapeworms.” He said succinctly.

“I don’t think so.” Teagan said drily.

“You’ve been losing weight while still eating large amounts of food.” He pointed out. “That’s not normal. We’ve all been getting way too much exercise but that ended a few days ago so the hunger should have passed.”

“All right, all right. I’ll go to the doctor next week after we’re home, ok? Now can we find some food? Please?” She asked.

Matt relented and they found an open air café where the others ate a light snack. Teagan had a full pony’s serving—which was four times the size of a human one. Even more surprising, she didn’t feel stuffed afterward, just pleasantly full.

The meal restored her spirits and the group spent another two hours shopping without further incident.

ooOoo

As they made their way into the castle the group was met by Faerie Mist.

“Greetings, Lady Teagan.” She said, smiling widely. “I trust your outing was pleasant?”

“I enjoyed it.” Teagan returned her smile.

“Princess Celestia asked if you could join her in the Dawn garden.” Faerie Mist reported.

“Good. I need to speak with her anyway.” Teagan said, face turning serious. Faerie Mist blinked.

“Is something wrong, Lady Teagan?” The lady-in-waiting asked in a concerned tone.

“Not really, I just need her advice on something.” Teagan said, shaking her head.

“I’m sure the Princess would be happy to give it to you. If you’ll all follow me then?”

“What, all of us?” Teagan asked, surprised. Rainbow Dash snickered and Applejack nudged her sharply.

“Of course.” Faerie Mist said innocently. Teagan’s eyes narrowed, suddenly aware that her friends were all smiling.

At her.

“Ok, what’s going on?” She demanded.

“Not a thing, sugarplum.” Applejack protested with a wide grin on her face.

“This way, Lady Teagan.” Faerie Mist set off, leaving Teagan little choice but to follow.

When they arrived at the garden Teagan found banners strung from the trees and tables sagging from the weight of the food on them. Pinkie was standing next to Princess Celestia, beaming proudly.

The banners were in Equestrian, which Teagan still couldn’t read. Something else for me to learn, she thought in exasperation.

Pinkie bounced over to her, blowing a party favor as she came.

“Hi Teelo! Welcome to my Welcome To Equestria party!” Pinkie said, laughing. “We’ve got cakes and pies and cupcakes and punch and all kinds of party games!”

“Welcome to Equestria?” Teagan said in puzzlement. “Pinkie I’ve been here for weeks. This is my second trip!”

“I know that, Silly!” Pinkie said. “It’s a surprise party for you!”

“Why ‘Welcome to Equestria’?” Teagan repeated patiently. Patience was a valuable asset when dealing with Pinkie Pie.

“That’s the surprise! Have fun!” She spun away and raced to the punch bowl, where she started preparing her special punch.

Teagan turned to the trolls. “Hey, you two. If Pinkie offers you punch to drink make sure you take a very small first sip. It’s potent stuff.”

“Yes, Dronning.” Skrent said.

“And you two have the rest of the day off. Enjoy the party, that’s an order.” Teagan said, smiling. “Consider it an apology for what happened this afternoon.”

“There is no need, Dronning!” Skrent protested. “You were blameless.”

Teagan shook her head. “I insist. Look, Pinkie Pie throws the best parties around, I really don’t want you to miss it. Please? As a personal favor to me?”

“Of course, Dronning. And thank you.” Both trolls bowed to her and moved to one of the food tables.

Drawing a deep breath Teagan made her way over to Princess Celestia.

“Why so serious, Lady Teelo?” The princess asked, levitating a cupcake in front of her where she could easily reach it. “This is your party, enjoy yourself!”

“Can I talk to you for a minute? Something happened at the market today that you need to know about.”

The princess nodded. “Of course. There’s a nook just behind those bushes, we can speak privately there.”

Once the two of them were alone Teagan explained what had happened with the pie seller. She made a point of accepting responsibility for the incident, and didn’t try to gloss over anything.

“So, did I cause a diplomatic incident?” She finished.

Princess Celestia took a small bite of her floating cupcake without answering immediately, making Teagan grow nervous.

“I don’t believe so.” The princess finally answered. “It isn’t the way I would have handled it, but violence was thankfully avoided. I imagine Miss Torte will be far slower to accuse someone of theft in the future. She makes wonderful pies, of course, but she has a temper and is somewhat quick to accuse others.”

“You know her?” Teagan asked with a sinking heart. “I’m really sorry about what happened. I was trying to show the trolls that ponies were friendly.”

“It is unfortunate you chose Milseáin Torte for your demonstration.” The alicorn said with a small smile. While I have never personally met the pony I know her by reputation and have eaten her Royal Equestrian Supremes on a number of occasions. They are superb, even if their maker is less so.”

“Are they really worth ten times the price of a normal pie?” Teagan asked in spite of herself.

The Princess laughed. “Oh no. Perhaps three times. But if ponies are willing to pay as much for a single slice of her pie as they would for an entire pie, then perhaps, to them, it is worth that much.”

She leaned down to speak near Teagan’s ear.

“But personally? I wouldn’t do it.” She whispered with a little giggle.

Teagan laughed.

“So you aren’t mad at me?” She asked hopefully.

The princess shook her head.

“Of course not. No one was hurt, and Miss Torte learned a valuable lesson about kindness to strangers. For a troll you showed remarkable restraint. Had Kongen Fjell been in your place I’m sure he would be lodging a complaint at the very least. It’s likely the trolls and ponies would have fought, even injured one another. For a pony—well, it could have been handled more gently, but it was not a bad first attempt, especially considering your lack of experience. So yes, you did well, Lady Teelo.”

“I need to do better.” Teagan said glumly. “Being queen isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

“Nor is being a princess.” Celestia confided. “The crown is sometimes extremely heavy. But your instincts are good, Lady Teelo. I’m sure when you come back this summer you’ll gain more experience.”

“How did you know I’m coming back this summer?” She asked, shocked. “Did Fjell tell you?”

“As a matter of fact, he did.” The alicorn replied calmly. “He wanted to arrange for us to open the Bridge of Days for you, and to provide an escort.”

“Ah, of course.” Teagan felt inexplicably relieved.

“Shall we rejoin the party, Lady Teelo? The other guests will be arriving soon. I’m sure you’ll want to meet them all.”

“Princess, why did Pinkie call this a ‘Welcome to Equestria party’?” Teagan asked.

The princess laughed.

“If I told you it would spoil the surprise—but you’ll find out soon enough.” The princess smiled. “Shall we go?”

ooOoo

The two had barely returned when the guests began to arrive in earnest, pouring into the garden like a multi-colored river. Soon the garden was awash with carefully dressed nobility who glittered with gems and golden jewelry.

Teagan was by the food tables, sneaking another plate of food, although it had been less than two hours since her huge meal in the marketplace.

What is wrong with me? I’m going to blow up like a balloon! She thought to herself, but didn’t stop eating. That’s where the king found her a few minutes later. He frowned at her, staring around until he spotted Skrent and Flint. At his gesture the two came hurrying up.

“Kongen.” Both trolls bowed.

“Why have you abandoned your posts?” He asked in a low angry tone.

“Whoa! Hang on, Fjell! I gave them the night off. They earned it.” Teagan said rapidly. “I told them to enjoy the party.”

“They earned it, my queen? Did someone attack you today?” The troll king asked with raised eyebrows.

Swallowing the last of her cupcake rapidly she shook her head.

“No, but I almost got Skrent into a fight. In spite of my blunder he obeyed my orders, kept his head, and prevented the situation from escalating into a riot. I’m very proud of him, Your Majesty. Besides, no one is going to attack the assembled nobility of Equestria tonight! Apparently this party is in my honor, so relax and enjoy yourself.”

She smiled at him. “Do it for me? Please?”

“Of—course, my queen.” He said with furrowed brow. “Why are the ponies holding a party for you?”

“It’s probably because I’m leaving tomorrow. They did it last year, too.” Teagan said, shrugging. “Heaven knows I needed it.”

“But the banners say Welcome To Equestria, my queen. Shouldn’t they say Safe Journey or something?” He asked, confused.

“You’d think so.” She agreed. “When I asked the Princess about it she said telling me would spoil the surprise. So I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

“Ponies are very strange creatures.” The king said after a moment. He picked up a plate and started to choose food for himself.

“No way!” Teagan breathed, catching sight of two new guests being escorted by Faerie Mist. “Fjell, they’re here!”

“Who?” The king asked, turning curious eyes toward the garden entrance.

“My parents! Come on, I want you to meet them!” Teagan started sprinting toward the new arrivals, which scandalized the majority of the gathered Canterlot nobility. The king strode regally after Teagan, his pair of bodyguards pacing him.

Teagan skidded to a stop and threw herself into her father’s embrace.

“Hi, Pumpkin. We missed you.” He said, hugging her tightly.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here!” She said, stepping back, a huge grin plastered on her face. She hugged her mother so hard the woman gasped.

“I see you’re still alive.” Her mother said after Teagan finally let go. She looked Teagan up and down. “Thank God. What have you been up to, Your Majesty?”

“Oh. Yeah. About that…” She paused as her mother’s eyes widened. Turning around she saw the king and his two bodyguards had arrived.

“Time for introductions, I think.” She said, smiling. “Mom, Dad, I’d like you to meet Kongen Fjell, king of the trolls. Your Majesty, I’d like you to meet my parents.”

“Greetings, Lord and Lady O’Gara. May your passageways always be wide and level.” The king said, bowing his head.

“Thank you, Your Majesty.” Her father said, bowing back. Her mother curtseyed deeply, her formal dress making the gesture flowing and graceful.

“I am pleased to meet you both.” The king continued. “My queen clearly is overjoyed to see you, so I’m sure you will want some privacy to hear Her Majesty’s adventures.”

“Yes.” Her mother’s eyes narrowed a bit as she stared at her daughter. “We’re very eager to hear every single detail.”

Teagan winced.

“Your Majesty, I’m sure I’ll see again before the party ends. Pinkie throws a great party, so please enjoy yourself.” Teagan said, bowing slightly. The king nodded his head and moved toward Duke Shimmerling, who was standing nearby, obviously waiting to meet Teagan’s parents.

Faerie Mist spoke up.

“If you’d like a little privacy, I’ll keep the wolves at bay for a couple of minutes.” She offered, nodding to a little arbor near them. “But do remember, everyone here is eager to meet you, Lord and Lady O’Gara.”

“We won’t be long.” Teagan promised her with heartfelt sincerity. She was not looking forward to being grilled by her parents. She led them to the arbor.

“Now, young lady, explain yourself!” Her mother said in a stern but low voice so the ponies wouldn’t overhear her.

“Ok, long story short, when Crush agreed to help me against Discord it was a lot more involved than I thought. See, by troll law the wielder of Crush is the ruler of the trolls. It’s just that simple. And believe me, when troll law is involved, it might as well be a law of nature.” Teagan said in an equally low voice.

“Well, then give Crush back to the king.” Her mother said. “Problem solved.”

Teagan sighed.

“I wish. It’s complicated, Mom. I literally can’t do that. There’s some kind of magical bond between us. Crush won’t serve anyone but me, and as long as it serves me I’m queen.”

“Can you break the bond?” Her mother asked.

“Well, yeah.” She said sarcastically. “But it’s pretty drastic. I don’t think you want me to do that.”

“Why? Is it dangerous?” Her mother asked nervously.

“Well, that depends on how you define dangerous.” Teagan said, perversely enjoying the revelation she was about to make. “It’s going to happen eventually anyway, but I really don’t want to rush it.”

“Why?” Her mother asked impatiently.

“Because the bond breaks when I die. That’s the only way it breaks.” Teagan said flatly. “Think I should commit suicide, Mom?”

“That was uncalled for, Teagan.” Her father said reproachfully as her mother blanched.

“Sorry. But I need to impress on you just how serious this is. There’s no way to duck this, and trust me, I asked Subtle Dancer about this as soon as I found out. The magics involved are so fundamental there’s no chance of ever undoing them. It’s like Crush and I are Siamese twins. There’s no separating us without killing me.”

“Did you know about the bond when you picked up Crush?” Her father asked.

“No.” Teagan shook her head. “Crush didn’t exactly trick me though. I just didn’t understand the price for being able to use it.”

“What do you mean, it didn’t trick you?” Her mother demanded angrily. “If you didn’t know then it tricked you!”

“Not that simple, Mom.” Teagan disagreed. “See, here’s what happened. The first question I asked Crush was if it could kill a god. Crush asked me if I could. Then I said, ‘whatever it takes’. The thing is I really meant it. Crush said ‘We shall see’. That’s when the bond formed. And every time I practice with Crush the bond gets stronger. But it was already a done deal the instant I picked Crush up.”

“Oh, Teagan, what have you done?” Her mother whispered.

“What I had to do, Mom.” Teagan said, sighing. “I didn’t have a choice. From the instant Discord brought me here that first time it’s been like riding an avalanche. Sure, I could have run and hid and let Princess Celestia die, but then the world would have died with her. And me along with it, most likely, because I doubt Subtle Dancer or Princess Luna would have opened the Bridge for me after that, especially because I think Luna might have died if Discord hadn’t revived her. But he only revived her because I challenged him.”

“So you’re saying its fate?” Her father asked quietly.

“Maybe.” Teagan said reluctantly. “I’ve always hated the idea that there’s some higher power that can force you to do stuff you don’t want to do. Maybe fate is just a way to say the odds are so stacked there’s only one way to win.” She sighed.

“But whatever. It’s really not so terrible. King Fjell will be the actual day to day ruler. I come back here for my summers and learn trollish, troll customs, that kind of thing. I’ll spend most of my time on Earth.”

“What about the rest of your life, Teagan?” Her mother asked. “Have you thought about that? Getting married? Having a family? Keeping a job? Making human friends? How will you do all that if you have to be here so much?”

“Well, I have a job, Mom.” Teagan pointed out. “I’m queen of the trolls. After college, when I come back here I’ll probably be the one dealing with the ponies. And other species, come to that. I’ve got to cement relations between the ponies and the trolls so this bitter feud between them ends peacefully. That’s gonna be harder than I thought. The ponies are almost as stubborn as the trolls.”

“What about having children?” Elaine asked her daughter. “Unless you plan to marry that ten foot tall monster? Can humans and trolls even have children?”

Teagan shuddered. “Mother, please. Don’t go there. Princess Celestia already brought it up, and trust me Fjell is just as repulsed by the idea as I am. The plan is he’ll find a troll wife and produce an heir with her.”

“That’s a relief, at least.” Her mother said. “What about your own children, Teagan? Don’t you want any?”

“Maybe. Look, it’s a little soon for me to think about having kids isn’t it? I’m only sixteen! I’ve got lots of time.”

“You’ll have to find a husband who knows about Equestria. One who’s ok with it.” Her father said.

“What, so I have to marry a brony?” Teagan asked, laughing. “The way the pony fever is spreading on Earth that may not be as hard as you think.”

“Laugh all you like, little girl. Being a brony is one thing. Knowing Equestria is real, actually setting foot here, that’s—a horse of a different color.” He grinned as Teagan groaned.

“You’ve been waiting to say that, haven’t you?” She accused him. He nodded, grinning.

“This isn’t funny, John.” Elaine snapped. “The other guests are getting impatient, so we’ll talk about this at home, Teagan. Now, tell me, did you have to fight?”

“No.” Teagan said with all honesty. “This time I never had to hit anything. Matt and the ponies did all the fighting. I was sort of useless. Matt tells me I was still vital though.” She snorted. “Sure doesn’t feel that way.”

“They also serve who only stand and wait.” John quoted. “What did he say you did?”

“Well, I brought him to Equestria, along with Evelyn.” Teagan counted on her fingers. “I got the trolls to help the ponies. Oh, and now I’m queen of the trolls.” She grimaced.

“You also prevented a war.” John noted mildly. “You’re going to cement relations between the ponies and trolls, and sounds like you’re going to deal with other species as well as sort of a high level diplomat. That’s hardly useless, Teagan.”

“Yeah, but it’s not what I expected.” She complained.

“Were you ever in danger?” Her mother asked sharply.

“Well—once.” She admitted reluctantly. “On the glacier, when Tišina attacked. But Matt shot her before she got too close then Twilight made her crash and then Cerise blew her brains out. By the time I got there it was all over. Oh, and we got caught in a blizzard but the Snøskred and the Alene dug a snow shelter. It wasn’t fun, but we weren’t really in any danger. We had enough supplies to wait out the storm. Cuddles nearly caught us just before we left but once in the air we outran her.”

“So Matt and the ponies finally killed Tišina?” John asked. “Kind of dark for Equestria, isn’t it?”

“Well, we thought they killed her.” Teagan said carefully. “Turns out when she died she turned into Cuddles.” Teagan shuddered. “That was nasty. But the Elements of Harmony turned her back.”

“Turned her back?” Elaine exclaimed, horrified. “Princess Celestia told us the threat was over!”

“Oh, so you’ve met the Princess?” Teagan asked casually. “Yeah, Pinkie tricked Tišina into breathing in poison joke spores. Made her magic run wild and turned her to stone.”

“Pinkie Pie?” John asked blankly. “You mean the pink happy one?”

“Yeah. But trust me. Do not underestimate her when the chips are down.” Teagan said seriously. “She can be scary all on her own—and that’s not even counting Cerise.”

“Who’s Cerise?” Her father asked. “I don’t think she’s on the show.”

“She isn’t.” Teagan responded. “Another long story, let’s save it till we get home. Poor Faerie Mist looks like she’s reached her limit.”

“All right. But you will tell us everything when we get home, Teagan Laoise O’Gara, you hear me?” Her mother demanded.

“Yes, Mom.” She responded. “Now go have fun. Pinkie’s parties are the best.”

With that her parents headed back to Faerie Mist and the waiting crowd. Teagan angled away from them toward Fluttershy where she was gathered with Rarity, Spike, and Twilight.

“Hey guys.” Teagan said happily. “Enjoying the party?”

“Oh, yes, Teelo. I mean, Your Majesty.” Fluttershy said, blushing.

“To you I will always be just plain Teelo.” Teagan said firmly. “I owe you too much to put on airs. That goes for all the Bearers. And Spike too.” She smiled at the dragon, who had been staring at Rarity with dreamy look.

“Besides, I’ll be hearing Your Majesty from the trolls this summer until it starts spilling out my ears.” She said ruefully. “I didn’t ask for the job, you know.”

“So you’re coming back, darling? That’s wonderful news!” Rarity said, smiling happily. “You must visit Ponyville and see us!”

“I promise I will if I can.” Teagan responded. “I’ll be spending the summer in Hejm, learning Trollish. And troll law. And troll customs. All troll, all the time.” She giggled.

“That’s a very important task, Teelo.” Twilight said seriously. “If you don’t know trolls really well you can’t be a good queen.”

“Oh, trust me. That became painfully obvious this afternoon.” Teagan agreed. “I never want to endanger someone because of my ignorance ever again.”

“I like your attitude.” Twilight said, nodding happily. “It reminds me of Princess Celestia, actually.”

“I’ll never be in her league, Twilight!” Teagan protested. “She’s been doing this for a thousand years! I won’t live even a tenth that long. Besides, Fjell is really the ruler. I’m going to mainly deal with outside species, sort of like the Snøskred does.”

“Except you’re the queen.” Twilight said patiently. “You make the final decision. Well, you and the king. But most trolls don’t understand other species very well. He’s going to rely on your judgment.”

“Don’t remind me.” Teagan shivered. “Right now my judgment isn’t worth anything. Looks like I’m going to have to bone up on politics.” She made a face. “I wonder how well human politics will work on trolls?”

“You’ve done marvelously so far, Teelo.” Fluttershy said loyally. “The ponies and the trolls aren’t quarrelling any more. That’s huge.”

“I guess. But the thing is this peace is so incredibly fragile, Fluttershy. Anything could shatter it. Like this afternoon.”

“You fixed that, darling.” Rarity spoke up. “Forget that pie seller! Everything worked out.”

“Yeah, thanks to the Sun Shield and Skrent.” Teagan groused. “I lost my temper again and had to keep dropping names to make her back down. That’s hardly something to be proud of.”

“Really, darling? I thought you were absolutely magnificent! My dear, you had her quaking in her hooves! She deserved it too. Two bits a slice, indeed!” Rarity snorted.

“Rarity’s right, Teelo. Skrent didn’t deserve that.” Twilight said. “Standing up for him was the right thing to do. That’s what you do for your friends.”

“Well yeah. I know that. But I should have been able to explain what happened in a way that made her see we didn’t mean any harm. Not scare her like I was some kind of gangster. That really wasn’t right.”

“Darling, listen to me.” Rarity said. “No matter what you do, some ponies simply will not listen to you. It’s not nice but sometimes that’s the only way to get their attention so they will listen. I don’t think you should do it all the time, but like this afternoon, sometimes you just don’t have a choice.”

ooOoo

“It is an honor to meet you, Lord O’Gara, Lady O’Gara. I am Duke Shimmerling.” The unicorn said with a courtly bow. “It is good to know Clan O’Gara still flourishes in the old world.”

“Well, I don’t know about flourishes, Your Grace, but there are still quite a few of us here and there.” The man said, bowing back. His wife curtseyed.

“And what of ponies in your world, my lord?” The Duke asked. “How do they fare?”

John hesitated.

“Your Grace, in my world ponies are not intelligent creatures as they are here.” He said after a moment. “They are animals and cannot speak.”

“I—see.” The Duke said, taken aback. “What of other species then? The trolls, the griffins?”

“To our knowledge, Your Grace, only humans can speak and think. All other species on Earth are animals. Well—with the possible exception of dolphins. But we don’t have trolls or griffins on earth. No dragons or hydras or cockatrices, either.”

“The old world must be a very different place then.” The Duke said after digesting this astonishing news.

“It certainly is.” John said with a smile. “We lack magic, for one thing.”

“You lack magic?” The Duke gaped at him. “But how do you do, well, anything without magic? I mean Equestria couldn’t exist without the unicorns and the pegasi! Even the earth ponies have their own kind of magic!”

“We use technology in place of magic, Your Grace.” John said. “Earth’s technology is quite advanced compared to here.”

“Utterly amazing, Lord O’Gara.” The Duke said. “Thank you for speaking with me.” He bowed, and then repeated disbelievingly, “No magic at all?”

“No, Your Grace. Well, aside from stage magic. But that relies on tricks rather than actual magic.”

“Amazing.” The Duke murmured as he turned to leave. Behind him a chartreuse and fuchsia patterned pony with scarlet mane and a magnificent white dress waited. She smiled happily at the humans as the Duke turned away.

ooOoo

“You look completely knackered.” Pinkie Pie said she approached Teagan’s parents. “What you two need is a special pick-me-up! Here you go!”

Held in her hooves were two cups of punch. The hyperactive pink pony was balancing on her rear hooves and smiling widely.

“Thank you, Pinkie.” He said gratefully as he accepted the cups. “I had no idea it would take so long to meet everyone!”

“My head is going to explode.” Elaine agreed, taking the punch her husband offered. “I’m afraid I’ve already forgotten most of their names.”

It had grown dark a few hours before but the garden was lit with innumerable paper lanterns that glowed cheerfully. The two humans had been meeting Equestrian high society for the last three hours. Princess Luna had yet to appear, although they had met Prince Blueblood, who, it turned out, was some kind of however-many greats-nephew of Celestia and Luna.

The moon was out and full tonight, and the sky was crowded with more stars than either of the O’Gara’s could ever remember seeing before.

Raising their cups in a traditional toast each took a deep drink of the punch.

“Is minic a bhain dealg beag braon!” John swore. Elaine just gasped, looking at Pinkie in disbelief.

“Good, isn’t it? Wakes you up, too!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “Get a full cup down and you’ll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed all night! Teagan loves this stuff.”

“Really?” Elaine gasped. “And she’s still alive? Pinkie, what is in this?”

“Well, it’s supposed to be a secret, but seeing how it’s you guys, I’ll tell you. Let’s see, there’s water, and berry juice, and some lemons, and cinnamon and ginger and sugar, oh yeah a big dollop of hot sauce and black tea extract—oh, and some salt. Cause, you know, we’re all adults here, right?”

She smiled at them.

“Hot sauce?” John asked, incredulously.

Pinkie nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah. That’s why it wakes you up.” She said.

He looked at his wife and took another cautious sip.

“Well, when you know what’s coming it’s actually not bad.” He admitted.

Elaine tried it again and made a face.

“Pass.” She said. “But thank you for trying, Pinkie.”

“Oh. Well, if you want it sweeter you can get it straight from the bowl.” Pinkie said dismissively. “Of course it doesn’t have the same instant kick without the hot sauce. Oooh, jam cake!” There was a pink blur and the pony was gone.

“She really is just like the cartoon.” John commented to his wife with a tired smile. He finished the punch and shuddered.

“Bit like taking whiskey neat.” He said, wheezing. Elaine sipped her punch again and made another face.

“How could you drink this, John? It’s like liquid fire.” She complained.

“Well, you never did like a lot of spice.” He pointed out. “It’s an acquired taste I guess.”

Just then Faerie Mist came back.

“The worst is over, Lord O’Gara.” She said confidently. “Now that the guests have spoken to you, you can relax. Only Princess Luna and Sun Hammer have yet to appear.”

“Sun Hammer? In the same party as the troll king? Isn’t that a bit…” John asked hesitantly, not wanting to be rude.

“Princess Celestia insisted.” Faerie Mist said delicately. “Of course, everyone recognizes the potential for there to be—issues—but the Princess knows Sun Hammer is Teelo’s friend, so she didn’t want to exclude him. He promised to be on his best behavior.”

“I’ve met Sun Hammer, Faerie Mist.” John said drily. “He’s very, um, forthright. How do you expect him to not have issues with the troll king? Or rather the king with him? From what Teagan says they have a long history.”

“That is the risk, yes.” Faerie Mist said. “However both Princesses will be here to smooth things over. And Lady Teagan has influence with the king as well.”

“Does she now?” Elaine asked in an interested tone. “Any idea why?”

“Well, she is the queen.” Faerie Mist said reasonably. “They have a good working relationship from what I understand. They seem to understand one another.”

“Well, that’s good.” John said. “I’d hate to think of Teagan going to Hejm if the king didn’t like her. That could be a real problem.”

“There’s Sun Hammer now, with another tall pony. Is that Princess Luna?” Elaine spoke suddenly. Faerie Mist turned to look.

“Yes it is.” She said, trotting over to the pair and bowing. She then led them over to the O’Gara’s.

“Lord and Lady O’Gara, may I present Her Highness, Princess Luna?” The pegasus said.

“Charmed.” The dark blue alicorn said in a surprisingly normal tone of voice. Both John and Elaine had expected her to shout, from what Teagan had told them.

“Good evening, Your Highness.” John said bowing. Elaine curtseyed

“Welcome to Equestria, Lord and Lady O’Gara.” Luna dipped her horn in salute. “Art thou enjoying the party?”

“Oh yes, Your Highness.” Elaine said smoothly. “I think we met everyone here. It’s all a bit overwhelming.”

“Aye, all thon ponies inin themselves ane after another.” Sun Hammer snorted. “Tis like tae drive a pony mad.”

“Hello again, Sun Hammer.” John said with a grin. “Thank you for keeping my little girl safe.”

“Ah, there be nae tae thank me fer.” The horse-sized pony said dismissively. “Twere only a wee bit o’ trouble, ye ken, and Teelo were nae near it. A think the lass were pinin’ fer a bit o’ a scrap me self, so she was.”

“You’re saying there really wasn’t any danger?” Elaine asked.

Sun Hammer hesitated. “Well, mayhap a wee bit. But laik A said, Teelo ne’er had tae fecht. Cuddles were the worst o’ it, but we oot ran her, so we did. An when we faced the troll king afore he knew she were the queen, twere a bit dicey, ye ken. But ne’er were he gonna raise a claw to us, an aw kenned it, so they did.”

“You do know the king is right over there?” John probed delicately, nodding his head where the king could be seen in the distance talking to Princess Celestia.

“Oh, aye. A got no beef wi’ him.” Sun Hammer said, rolling his eyes. “We makkit peace, so we did. Live an let live.”

“Speaking of which, I want to apologize for some of the things I said to you, Sun Hammer.” Elaine said. “I was distraught.”

“Dinnae fash yerself.” Sun Hammer shook his head. “A ken ye were jes’ protectin’ yer filly an thare be no shame in that, nane at all.”

“Thank you. So, no hard feelings?” Elaine asked, smiling.

“Nane.” Sun Hammer smiled. “Ye nae be a brock A’d care tae fecht when yer bluid’s up, by Celestia her blessed self.”

Sun Hammer’s declaration seemed to surprise Princess Luna for a moment. She looked at Sun Hammer then back at Elaine.

“Never mess with a mama bear.” John said, chuckling. “Your Highness, I understand you raise the moon and bring out the stars? I must say I’ve never seen a more beautiful night.”

The Princess seemed taken aback for a moment. “Truly? So few appreciate the beauty of the night, Lord O’Gara. We thank thee most sincerely for thy kind words.”

“I’m not the only one who does, Your Highness. When Teagan came back I started searching for everything I could find on Equestria. You’ve heard of bronies, right? Fans of Equestria? There was a song created by a brony called Ponyphonic, Your Highness. It was talking about how the moon was not a lesser light, and the wonder of the dark and jeweled sky. A beautiful and moving song. And now that I see it for myself I’d say the song doesn’t do the reality justice.”

Luna’s mouth dropped open and her eyes widened. They grew brighter and she turned away for a moment. When she turned back she had regained her composure, but her eyes were still suspiciously bright.

“We have waited—” She stopped herself. “No. I have waited a thousand years to hear any pony pay such a compliment to my art, Lord O’Gara. To know somewhere in another world someone saw it and loved it enough to write a song for me…” She shook her head. “You have given me a treasure beyond price, Lord O’Gara. I thank thee from the depths of my heart.”

Then the princess bowed to him, the full bow she herself normally received, head near the ground with wings spread gracefully.

Dead silence raced across the garden as Canterlot’s highest nobles watched their princess bow in shock. When the silence reached Princess Celestia the alicorn’s face turned thoughtful.

The princess rose and folded her wings. The nobles watched the Lord of Clan O’Gara bow deeply to the princess in turn. His words carried in the silence of the garden, all the way to where Celestia stood with the king.

“High art is its own reward, Your Highness, and yours is without doubt the greatest I have ever seen. It is truly a pity no one thinks to look up and appreciate the wonder you spread before them every night. They deprive themselves of such splendor.”

The silence was broken by a single rhythmic stamping. Everyone turned to see Princess Celestia striking the ground with alternating hooves, the pony version of applause as she faced her sister, a huge smile on her face.

Rarity was the first to copy the princess, and then the other Bearers started stamping as well. Soon every pony in the garden was applauding the dark blue alicorn. The humans clapped enthusiastically, and Kongen Fjell started bellowing Luna’s name over and over, the troll version of acclaim. The other trolls in the garden instantly took up the chant as well.

Luna stood frozen amidst the accolade like a deer caught in the headlights. When it finally subsided she managed a half bow, clearly stunned by the massive outpouring. Celestia trotted over to her sister and draped her head across her withers.

After that, the party seemed to accelerate, everyone’s spirits buoyed by the moment. When the party finally wound down and the guests had made their farewells the staff came out and began taking down the lanterns, leaving only a single patch of light where a small group of ponies and humans congregated.

“Best party ever.” Pinkie Pie said, grinning widely. “That was amazing.”

“Thanks to thee, Lord O’Gara. We have never felt anything like that before tonight.” Princess Luna said, still somewhat unsettled.

“Happy to see your art finally acknowledged properly, Your Highness.” John said modestly.

“It was well done indeed.” Princess Celestia said warmly. “Thank you.”

He waved it off. “Just giving credit where it’s due, Your Highness. I was surprised to see the trolls joining in like that though. I thought trolls and ponies were still kind of wary around each other.”

“They are.” Celestia nodded. “But tonight may have gone a long way toward convincing Kongen Fjell of our goodwill. Not to mention it makes things easier for you, sister.”

Luna nodded. “We would agree, sister.”

“What do you mean?” Teagan asked.

“Our sister has appointed us to deal with the trolls, Lady Teelo.” Luna explained. “As they are more comfortable in the dark.”

“Guess that means I’m going to be a night owl, then. Fjell wants me to handle relations with other species after I learn what I need to know. Good thing we know each other, huh?” Teagan laughed.

“Indeed. We shall be most happy to know thou art representing the trolls, Lady Teelo.” Luna said smiling.

No one noticed the small smile that played briefly across Celestia’s muzzle.

“Well sister, the hour has grown late and I must away to bed.” She said. “Lord and Lady O’Gara, I would be very happy if you joined us for morning meal. Lady Teelo, afterward I’m sure your parents would like to see something of Canterlot.”

“We would be honored, Princess.” Elaine said, smiling.

“Oh yeah!” Teelo said happily. “Twilight, you and the others want to join us?”

“I’m sorry, Teelo, we’re scheduled to leave on the first morning train.” Twilight apologized. “Everyone’s been away from Ponyville for so long. It’s time we got back to work. But can you and your parents stop in Ponyville for a while before you head back to your world? I’d love to show them the library.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea.” Princess Celestia said, smiling. “Ponyville is only half an hour’s flight by chariot. Why don’t you spend the morning in Canterlot and have lunch, then I’ll arrange for a chariot to take you to Ponyville? You can leave for your world later this evening. Matthew tells me there’s nearly a five hour time difference, so if you left in the evening you’d arrive home early afternoon.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Matthew nodded. “It’s Sunday at home so we’ll have time to get ready for work.”

“Well, good night everyone.” The white alicorn nodded to them and trotted back to the castle, a pair of the Sun Shield falling in behind her. The others made their farewells to Princess Luna and headed off to bed.

Still reeling inside from the thunderous applause she’d received earlier that evening Luna spread her wings and launched herself into the darkness, to fly for a few minutes amidst the glow of the stars and lose herself in her art.

Comments

[Celestias Paladin]

Ok what did John say? I've tried Google translate but it comes out as nonsense

[Ardwolf]

1486989
Is minic a bhain dealg beag braon literally translates as "It is often (a) small thorn drew blood."

A more colloquial translation is "It is often the smallest thorn that draws blood" meaning the most innocent-seeming thing can often be the most dangerous.

The rest of the conversation makes it very clear what John is refering to as having "drawn blood".

It's an old Irish proverb.

[Ephedianroyalty]

Fjell, would you like me to get you anything while I’m out?”

They’re starting to act like a married couple, just a bit.

[Jhonn]

“¿Sobre un pastel?” Preguntó incrédula.

Mexico started a war for a cake .....