My Little Teelo: Winter's Silence

by Ardwolf

Cerise Introduces Herself

In which Pinkie’s friends meet a surprising new pony.

---

The sound of clattering hooves alerted Fire Cloud. He spun to look back into the Princess’s chambers, wishing Cumulous had already returned with the captain and a squad for backup. The sight that met his eyes broke the stoic resolve Royal Guard ponies were so famous for. He gaped and backed a single step; really wishing backup was already here.

Strolling toward him, a pair of white snakes dripping green blood hanging from her mouth, covered head to foot with splatters of more green blood, was the Bearer of Laughter. Fire Cloud had never actually met Pinkie Pie but the stories he’d heard said she was always happy and throwing parties.

He decided right then and there to decline any invitation this pony sent him…

She was humming a little song to herself, each step making the snakes jiggle and squirm. Ignoring him except for a single rolling eye that gave him the heebie-jeebies she broke into a trot as she headed up the corridor.

“Ha-ha-halt!” He shouted after she was a good ten yards away.

To his horror, the pony skidded to a halt and spun around. He found himself being regarded by a single eye, the other hidden behind her long straight mane. She raised an eyebrow at him.

“You talking to me? I know you must be talking to me, because I’m the only other pony here. You sound like you’re going to try and stop me leaving, pretty pony. Tell me, do you really want to do that? Do you want me to stay? Really?”

No. He didn’t. He really didn’t. But it was his job. He stepped forward, trying to radiate stoic threat.

“They don’t pay you enough to mess with me, Sunny Jim.” She said around the snakes in her mouth. “Since I’m doing Pinkie a solid, and working the side of the angels for a change, I’ll let it slide this time. So just be a good little soldier boy and you’ll live to guard another day. By the way, when they ask? And they will ask...the name’s Cerise.”

She spun around and blurred away, faster than Fire Cloud had ever seen an earth pony move. Faster than a flying pegasus, for that matter. Especially one weighed down by heavy armor…

When Cumulous came back with Shining Armor and a squad of the Royal Guard they found Fire Cloud staring up the corridor with white rimmed eyes, shaking. It took a full minute for the captain of the guard to even get Fire Cloud’s attention. When his subordinate finally noticed him Shining Armor swallowed, not allowing the thrill of unease to show on his face.

Fire Cloud looked like a pony that had stared death in the face and was still waiting on the judge’s verdict.

“Suck it up, stallion!” The captain snapped, more as a kindness than a command. Fire Cloud’s eyes focused on him.

“She said her name was Cerise, Captain.” Fire Cloud said in a strange voice. “It was the Bearer of Laughter. But Celestia save me if she ever starts laughing.”

“Pinkie Pie?” Shining Armor said blankly.

Fire Cloud shook his head.

“No, Captain. Not Pinkie Pie. She was covered in blood, Captain. Green blood. And she was carrying a pair of dead snakes in her mouth. They were still twitching and bleeding. Oh blessed Celestia!” Throwing back his head he shuddered like a foal afraid of the monster in the closet, eyes rolling. He was a pony on the edge of panic and it was affecting the rest of the squad, who were starting to cast nervous glances everywhere.

Shining Armor was at a loss to explain Fire Cloud’s condition. Cumulous had reported a pink blur, and that certainly sounded like Pinkie Pie, but he’d never heard of Cerise—or another pony that could be mistaken for the Bearer of Laughter.

“Atten-hun!” He finally bellowed. Every soldier throughout history has had that command, or its equivalent, burned into their soul. It’s in the military DNA, buried in every cell of armed forces personnel, be they troll, pony, or human.

It worked.

Fire Cloud snapped into attention, along with the entire squad, quivering with rigid reflex.

“Guard! Report! What happened here?”

“Sir, yes Sir!” Fire Cloud saluted crisply. “Approximately ten minutes after I sent Cumulous to alert you about the intruder I heard hoof beats behind me, Sir! Turning I saw what I thought was the Bearer of Laugher, covered in green blood, Sir! Pink earth pony with pink mane and tail, both long and straight. Mane hanging over one eye, Sir! Cutie mark of three balloons, Sir! Carrying what appeared to be two dead white snakes in her mouth, Sir! The snakes looked to have green heads, Sir! Said pony trotted past me humming a song, Sir! Both snakes were still dripping green blood from their tails, Sir! When ordered to halt the pony turned around and looked at me, Sir! Told me I was not paid enough to mess with her, Sir! Said she was doing Pinkie Pie a favor, Sir! Told me to tell you her name was Cerise, Sir! Then the pony turned and ran, much faster than even a pegasus in flight, Sir! End of report, Sir!”

Shining Armor stood still for a moment, thinking about what the guard had just said. It sounded as though it had been Pinkie Pie—but covered in green blood? Carrying dead snakes in her mouth? Threatening a guard so blatantly? That didn’t sound like the pony he knew.

In fact, it didn’t sound like a pony, period.

Of course, he couldn’t fault Fire Cloud for not attacking what he thought was the Bearer of Laughter. The Princess tended to look the other way where the Bearers were concerned and everypony in the Royal Guard knew it. Attacking a Bearer would be as serious a matter as attacking a noble. Any guard who did that would have to have a mountain of evidence on his side…

More often than not, he admitted ruefully, the Princess’s blind eye was justified. His own sister, the Bearer of Magic, had acted in the most shocking way possible at his wedding—only to be proven right in the end as the imposter posing as his bride was unmasked.

Twilight still hadn’t let him live that one down.

“Cumulous, why don’t you take Fire Cloud to the infirmary? Silver Streak, you and Aurora relieve them and stay here. The rest of you, fan out and try to find the Bearer of Laughter. When you do, observe her but do not try and detain her. Report your findings as soon as you can. Dismissed.”

He headed to the throne room to inform the princess of this bizarre event.

ooOoo

Subtle Dancer jumped violently as two white tentacles landed on his desk with a thump.

“Present for you.” A voice said cheerfully. “Thought you might be able to use these.”

Looking up he recoiled at the smiling horror in front of his desk.

“Before you ask, no, I’m not Pinkie Pie. She’s off looking for Garnet.” The blood soaked nightmare said calmly. “Name’s Cerise. I’m filling in for Pinkie while she’s away. House sitting, you might say.”

She nodded at the tentacles. “Sorry about the drool on ‘em, I’m a little hungry. Know where a pony can get some grub around here? Something that isn’t cupcakes?” She made a face. “I love Pinkie but she’s got the dietary standards of a three year-old.”

“Where did you get these?” Subtle Dancer asked recovering his composure. He lifted one stinger with his magic and inspected it.

“Where do you think I got them, Dancer? I thought you guys were supposed to be on the ball!”

“It would appear these are the severed cranial tentacles from Tišina. The blood all over you appears to be hers as well.” He noted. “How did you manage such a remarkable feat?”

“Kitchen knife.” Cerise said succinctly. “See, I had a score to settle with her. She tried to kill Pinkie’s cousin Garnet. Cut her pretty bad in the process. Made her run away into her own head too. Well, Pinkie didn’t like that at all. She went haring off after Garnet to bring her back. Leaving me in charge.” The pony grinned. “I don’t take kindly to monsters carving up little foals, Subtle Dancer. Especially when they’re my cousins, honorary or not. So I found Tišina and had a little dance with her, then brought you back some souvenirs. Hope you like ‘em.”

“I’m sure they’ll be invaluable, my dear Cerise. But tell me, exactly how did you find Tišina? Has she left her lair?”

“That would be telling, Chief.” Cerise said. “I can’t reveal all of Pinkie’s secrets, now can I? She’d pout for days. No, Tišina was home when I came calling. Probably won’t be after the scare I gave her though. But the important thing is she wasn’t alone.”

“What?” Subtle Dancer snapped to attention. “She’s recruited allies? Who?”

“More like constructed allies.” Cerise corrected him. “A whole mess of portals. Must have been fifty of the things. She was working on another one when I knocked.”

“So she is planning to burn the world.” Subtle Dancer said hollowly.

“Looks like. From the look of things she’s pretty damn close to done, too. You guys might want to get a move on. Now, about that grub?”

“I’m sure the Royal kitchens would be happy to give the Bearer of Laughter a meal.” The black unicorn said. “Even with a different houseguest behind the eyes. May I suggest a shower first? Just to keep the cooks calm while they make your food?”

“Yeah, that’s not a bad idea.” She admitted. “This stuff is starting to itch as it dries and green definitely isn’t her color. Ghrian Suite, right?”

“I believe so. Tell me Cerise,” He said as the pink pony turned to go. She turned back, raising an eyebrow.

“Could you kill Tišina?”

“What, and ruin Pinkie’s fun? What do you think I am, a monster?” With a grim chuckle the pink pony disappeared in a blur.

“No, indeed.” Subtle Dancer said as he turned to summon Dawn Spire and give her the grisly souvenirs. “That would insult the monsters.”

He sighed. He would have to deliver this news to Princess Celestia himself.

ooOoo

“Ha, found her!” Rainbow Dash called to the others as she hovered over the pink pony. “Pinkie Pie we’ve been looking everywhere for you! Hey, what happened to your mane? It’s all flat. And wet.”

“I’m sorry, Pinkie’s not home right now. But I’ll be glad to tell her you stopped by.” The pink pony didn’t even look up from her food.

“Pinkie, you’re so random!” Rainbow Dash said as she settled the floor. That’s when she got a good look at the pink pony’s plate.

“Is that meat?” She gasped. “What the hay?” She backed away several steps.

“Naw, it’s a fake steak. Pretty good though. You want a bite?” The other replied. By now the rest of the Bearers and the humans had joined them.

“But, but, but—Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow Dash said, flabbergasted, wings flaring. “It’s still meat! That’s disgusting.”

The other pony shook her head. “No, it isn’t. It’s fake meat. Made of tofu or something. And I told you. Pinkie’s not here. She’s off chasing Garnet. My name’s Cerise.”

“What do you mean, your name’s Cerise? Pinkie, what’s going on?” Twilight demanded, turning the slightest shade of green from the contents of the pink pony’s plate.

“I am not Pinkie!” The pink pony snarled. “Pinkie isn’t here right now, ok? My name is Cerise. I’m—house sitting for Pinkie while she’s off trying to find Garnet. Got it?” She glared at Twilight, who swallowed nervously.

“Hello, Cerise. My name is Evelyn Lewis. I’m a friend of Pinkie’s.” The detective said, settling across from the pink pony.

“I know who you are. I was there when Pinkie met you.” Cerise said with a half smile. “And I also know what you’re thinking, Evelyn Lewis. You’re not wrong.”

“When is Pinkie coming back?” Evelyn asked, leaning back in her chair but inwardly taut as a bowstring.

“No idea. Depends on how long it takes her to track down Garnet. Shouldn’t be more than a couple of days at the outside. Personally, this house sitting business is ok, but I’m looking forward to a nice long nap when she gets back. Between the two of us if it wasn’t for the food and the revenge I’d just as soon give it a pass.”

“Revenge?” Twilight asked sharply. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, that.” Cerise chuckled. “See, I wanted to get even with Tišina for hurting Garnet. So I cut off her tentacles.”

“And how did you manage that trick, Cerise?” Matt asked with interest while everyone else gaped.

“Not telling.” Cerise grinned. “But it involved a kitchen knife. One of the Royal kitchen knives, actually. Swiped it just before I left the castle.”

“You stole it?” Fluttershy asked in a shocked voice. “How could you steal from the Princess?”

“Relax, kitten. I dumped it back in the dishwasher’s tub when he wasn’t looking.” Cerise chuckled. “Borrowing the knife is what upsets you? Not cutting off Tišina’s tentacles? My, my, you do have hidden depths.”

“Oh,” The yellow pegasus blinked, “yes, well, that was bad too—I guess. So, um, bad Cerise? For hurting Tišina, I mean? Not that she didn’t deserve it, of course. But you can’t just go around hurting monsters that—try to kill everypony?”

She sighed.

“I’m not very convincing, am I?” She asked sadly. “I’m a terrible pony for not caring.” She hung her head.

“Yes, well, Fluttershy some creatures are just beyond help.” Rarity said brightly. “So tell me—Cerise—what exactly did you do to Tišina? Besides cutting off her tentacles, I mean?”

“Scared the hay out of her.” Cerise grinned. “Put the fear of Celestia in her while I was at it. Told her exactly what I was going to do to her if we met again before Pinkie got back.”

“And what would that be?” Applejack asked, staring at what looked like her friend but wasn’t.

“Trust me. You don’t want to know. But it involves a spoon.” Cerise said, meeting the orange pony’s gaze. It was Applejack that looked away first. “But like I said Pinkie will be back soon. Unfortunately we may not have time to wait.”

“And why is that, my little pony?” Princess Celestia asked, having just teleported in.

“Your little pony, Celestia?” Cerise chuckled. “You sure you want to claim me? I would think I’m a bit too hardcore for your tastes.”

The ponies were shocked speechless by her rudeness. No pony had ever shown such disrespect to the princess!

“We can discuss your personality quirks later.” Celestia said mildly. “What do you mean we may not have time to wait for Pinkamena? Without her the Elements of Harmony cannot be used.”

“True that.” Cerise nodded. “I’m just not cut out to be the Bearer of Laughter. Thing is, Tišina’s been a busy little arch-villain. She’s constructed over fifty portals in her lair. The resonances nearly made me hurl.”

“Oh my.” Celestia said, clearly worried. “Why make so many in the same place?”

“Well they aren’t going to stay in the same place, now are they now, Sunshine?” Cerise said condescendingly. “She’s gonna place them across Equestria, obviously.

“Did you see any larger portals, Cerise?” The princess’s voice had turned cool. Teagan began to get a bad feeling about this conversation.

“No. I guess she hasn’t finished making the small ones yet.” The pink pony replied. “And unless I miss my guess she’s going to abandon that little plan completely now. If you get off your Royal rump and exploit all that lovely paranoia I planted in her head.”

“What did you do?” The princess asked in alarm.

“Told her you knew where she was. Told her you were coming for her. Told her you were going to turn her to stone and put her in the same garden as her brother so they could spend eternity together.”

“You gave the enemy our plans? Why?” The princess asked, completely outraged.

“Actually, Your Highness, that’s brilliant.” Matt interjected. Evelyn nodded in enthusiastic agreement. Celestia eyed the two humans in confusion.

“What do you mean, Matthew?” She asked. “Surely letting Tišina know anything is a bad idea?”

“Ah, the innocence of you Equestrians.” He said fondly. “Cerise just solved our biggest problem for us, assuming Tišina takes the bait.”

“I don’t understand.” Celestia said, trying to see what he was talking about. The other ponies were equally at sea.

“Our biggest problem is keeping Tišina away from her doomsday weapon, right? What better solution than to have Tišina voluntarily run away from it because it’s now a huge target that we’re going to hit at some unspecified—but horribly soon—point in time? Remember when I said Tišina was a coward? A predator? Predators aren’t interested in fighting for their meals, Your Highness. If they know the prey has a good chance of hurting them they’ll find easier prey.”

“Now we know Tišina watches us. So what we need to do is make a show for her. Make her think we’re launching a huge attack against her lair in, say a week. Meanwhile, quietly, we launch a real attack against her lair by a smaller force immediately. When she starts hearing us tearing down her glacier around her ears she’ll look to see what’s going on. Finding attackers already on top of her…”

Matt grinned that fearsome grin of the truly insane.

“She runs away like the coward she is. Leaving her doomsday weapon vulnerable to our portal destruction experts.”

“I like this guy.” Cerise said happily. “He’s as crazy as I am! Woo-hoo!”

“You believe this will work, Matthew?” The Princess asked in a serious voice.

“Nothing in war is ever certain, Your Highness. But I believe it has a very good chance of working. We know where Tišina is. We’ve already got a supply train moving the bombs into position to strike her, and the pipeline’s already full. In six days time we’ll have all the bombs we need to dig a hole to the bottom of that god-forsaken glacier if we have to.”

“And now that Cerise just scared the crap out of her, I say it’s time to strike.” He said firmly.

Comments

[Celestias Paladin]

... ok I think I may have wet my self... yeah Cerise is scarier.

[Spect]

I do so love Cerise. She's just a pony shaped bundle of creepy fun.

[brony323]

I’ve seen some messed up stuff. I’ve faced the worst kind of inner demons, and even so, cerise terrifies me...