Gather Your Friends

In which we see the thrilling flight of a unicorn and witness Sun Hammer’s meeting with a Duke.

The mare gasped, taking one involuntary step backward in shock.

“Stay calm, Faerie Mist, it might not be what it looks like. She’s probably just stepped out.” The pegasus muttered to herself. She rapidly checked the bathroom (empty), the closets (likewise), and quickly returned to the bed. She noticed a smear of green crusty substance on the mattress. It was mixed with a smaller trace of rusty brown. That’s when she knew.

“Oh dear Celestia!” She swore, spinning on her hooves and bolting out of the chamber. She galloped through two more rooms before reaching the door. Skidding to a halt she reared up and slammed the doors open with her fore-hooves.

The guards turned to stare at her, their eyes narrowing.

“In the name of Princess Celestia, I command you! Summon Princess Luna at once. Subtle Dancer as well. Do not ask questions. Go!”

“Fairie Mist what is this all about?” One of the guards asked. She reared and flared her wings.

“In the name of the Sun, heed me!” She slashed at his face, making him scramble back in shock. “I am Fairie Mist, First Lady-In-Waiting to Princess Celestia, and you have been commanded. Do not argue! Summon the Princess and Subtle Dancer at once or face charges!”

“Have you gone mad?” His fellow guard demanded incredulously.

“No, fool. I have full authority to order you!” She got in the second guard’s face. “You stay here with me. No one is to go into Princess Celestia’s chambers until the Princess and Subtle Dancer get here.”

She glared at the first guard. “Why are you still here? Obey your orders, guard!”

“As you command, Fairie Mist. I just hope you’re ready to face the consequences.” The guard spread his wings and arrowed away down the corridor.

“You know you’re going to be dismissed for this, right?” The second guard asked her, raising an eyebrow. “You can’t come bursting out of the Princess’s chambers like a mad pony and start ordering the Royal Guard around. You’re just a glorified maid, Fairie Mist. Obviously the Princess has been far too liberal with you. You’ve forgotten your place.”

“Fire Cloud, hold your tongue.” The lavender pegasus said, irritably tossing a lemon yellow forelock out of her face. “I am far more than a mere maid. This is a matter of state. Now be quiet, you do not want to draw any more attention to yourself than you are about to do, trust me.”

“Hmmf.” Fire Cloud snorted in annoyance but kept quiet. It seemed like an hour but was probably less than ten minutes before a double flash announced the arrival of Princess Luna and a deep-black unicorn with silver mane and tail. The first guard came trotting down the hallway, face carefully expressionless as he retook his post.

“What hath happened?” Luna asked. “We were just settling down to dinner, awaiting our sister. Why hast thou summoned us with such forcefulness, Fairie Mist?”

“My apologies, Princess. Please, if you and Subtle Dancer would follow me? Guards, make sure no one enters until the Princess tells you otherwise. No one.” Fairie Mist turned and marched back into Celestia’s private chambers. Princess Luna and Subtle Dancer followed her, the latter closing the doors with a glow from his horn.

“Now, Mist, what’s this all about?” He asked. “It’s not like you to charge about like a minotaur in a china shop.”

“Princess Celestia’s gone. There’s blood on her sheets and some green crusty gunk. One of her flight feathers was torn loose and it looks like she was dragged over the foot of her bed.”

“What?” Princess Luna stopped, mouth hanging open. Subtle Dancer leaped past Fairie Mist and trotted quickly into the bedchamber.

“Do not enter, Princess.” He said as the other two started to follow him. “Your magic would taint the evidence.”

“Of course, Chief Horn.” Princess Luna stepped back, and Fairie Mist followed her example. They could see the unicorn through the open door, standing stock still and apparently doing nothing. He stood like that for a good five minutes, not moving a muscle.

“How did the Princess not notice?” They heard him mutter. “Absolutely massive. Why did she ignore it?”

“Hast thee found something, Chief Horn?” Luna asked anxiously.

“Oh yes. Nasty business. The Princess has definitely been abducted.” The unicorn said. “I need you to give the guards some orders. First, those two at the door need to be relieved of duty and escorted to HHQ, second I want a full forensics team here five minutes ago, and third, I need you to tell me everything that you saw when you got here Fairie Mist.”

The black unicorn stepped carefully backwards out of the room.

“No magic within her chambers unless it’s approved by a Horn, understand? We don’t want to lose the traces of whatever happened here. This is bad, Princess. We have no idea what we’re dealing with, and wherever she is I doubt the Princess will be able to raise the sun this morning.”

Fairie Mist’s eyes widened. “But that means…”

“That’s exactly what it means.” He said grimly. “Think you can raise the sun today, Princess?”

“It appears we have little choice in the matter, Chief Horn.” Luna responded. “Whether we are capable of assuming our sister’s duties remains to be seen. We are weary from bringing forth the moon twice this day, but necessity is a harsh mistress, is it not?”

“Can anyone do anything to help you?” Fairie Mist asked.

“Nay, Fairie Mist. The magics involved are far beyond even the Chief Horn’s abilities and he is the finest mage in all Equestria, save for ourselves. Alas, while we are a better mage than our sister, she was the one gifted with power that dwarfs all others. Raising the sun would strain us while fully rested. In our current state—” She shook her head.

“Could you borrow power from other unicorns?” The pegasus asked.

“That’s possible, but she could only absorb a single unicorn’s magic.” Subtle Dancer said. “There’s no unicorn in Equestria with a tenth the needed power.”

“There is one, perhaps.” Luna said thoughtfully. “Our sister’s student, Twilight Sparkle. She is capable of great bursts of power, although she lacks finesse in its application. If we could absorb power from her it might be enough.”

“Isn’t she in Ponyville? That’s a half hour’s flight from here.” Fairie Mist asked.

“Then a chariot must be dispatched at once!” Luna horn started to glow.

“Princess, no!” The Chief Horn shouted. Startled, the blue alicorn let the glow in her horn die.

“Oh no, we forgot!” She exclaimed in dismay. “Our humblest apologies, Subtle Dancer. Let us retreat outside where we can teleport.”

Once safely beyond the chamber door Luna teleported out while the Chief Horn dispatched Fairie Mist to summon a detachment of the Guard. He stayed behind to keep an eye on the guards, although he was careful not to arouse their suspicion. Once the new guards arrived Fire Cloud and his partner were escorted to the Horn headquarters while other guards prevented anyone from entering Celestia’s chambers. When the forensics team showed up Subtle Dancer settled down for some hard thinking.

ooOoo

A loud insistent banging woke Twilight. It was still night, she had no idea what time it was. Muzzily she stumbled out of bed and used her magic to open the window. Looking out she was startled to see a chariot parked in front of the library, with only one pegasus in place. Worried by the presence of the chariot she teleported to the yard.

The flash attracted the attention of the other pegasus, who was banging on her door.

“What’s going on?” Twilight asked urgently.

“Twilight Sparkle, your presence is required by Princess Luna immediately. You are to come with us at once. Please get in the chariot.” The guard trotted to the chariot, readying himself for flight.

“What?” Twilight didn’t move.

“Our orders were to get you to Canterlot as quickly as possible, Twilight Sparkle. Get in the chariot, by order of Princess Luna.”

“All right, I’m coming, I’m coming! What’s going on?” She asked, settling down in the chariot. Without responding the two stallions broke into a trot, then a gallop, exploding into the sky with such force the unicorn was forced to brace herself or be tumbled out of the vehicle.

“Hey, watch it! You nearly lost me!” She yelled into the wind.

“Sorry! Hang on!” One guard threw over his shoulder as the chariot turned toward the distant capital and the two pegasi accelerated to a sprint.

The purple unicorn blinked in the wind stream, completely befuddled. She had no idea why the pegasi were sprinting. There was no way they could hold this pace all the way to Canterlot! They were already starting to pant heavily.

“What’s the big rush?” She yelled, only to have them ignore her. The guards kept up the pace for another five minutes. To Twilight’s worried eye they looked ready to faint. She glanced over the side and gulped.

They were really, really high up. If the pegasi fainted now she wouldn’t survive the crash…

Two more pegasi, sans armor, rose from the ground and caught up to the speeding chariot. To her horror one of the pegasi pulling the chariot suddenly closed his wings, falling out from under the yoke. She screamed as the stallion fell toward the ground so very far below. One of the newcomers took the fallen guard’s place and the other guard promptly folded his wings and fell out of the yoke. The other newcomer took his place and the chariot accelerated again, the unburdened pegasi able to fly much faster than the armored-laden guards. Looking back she saw to her relief the original guards’ wings snap open as they glided gently toward the ground.

By now the chariot was tearing along so fast she had to duck down below the rim to escape the punishing wind. It would take Rainbow Dash to catch up to them at this pace…

After another five minutes of the insane sprint the chariot lurched again. She braved the wind long enough to see new pegasi swapping places with the old ones, in that same stomach-churning maneuver. By now she could see the distant spire of Canterlot Castle. She had only been in the air for about ten minutes! This was insane. Why would Princess Luna want to see her so quickly? It didn’t make any sense.

The chariot pullers changed one final time and less than a minute later the chariot was slowing and making a shallow dive toward the top of the Sun Tower, where Celestia normally stood when she raised the sun. The chariot landed on the roof of the tower, and braked so hard she was thrown against the front of the vehicle.

“Out!” One of the pegasi snapped. Utterly confused she scrambled out of the chariot and watched open mouthed as the two pegasi pulled it over the edge and dove nearly straight down. She watched them soar back into the sky and head for the chariot stables.

“We are happy thee came so swiftly, Twilight Sparkle.” Princess Luna boomed as she stalked out of the darkness. “We must make haste! There is no time to explain to thee what has occurred, thee must trust us. We have need of thy magic. Our own energies are depleted; we need thy strength, for the good of Equestria.”

“Princess Luna? What’s going on?” Twilight demanded. “Fifteen minutes ago I was home asleep!”

“Foul deeds are stalking us, dear Twilight.” Luna said. “We dare not say more, lest thee become too upset to act. Dost thou know the spell Wind Spear’s Succor?”

“Yes, but—” Twilight said.

“Then cast it now, Twilight. We promise to explain everything, but now we have need of thy strength. Cast the spell and direct thy strength at us.”

“Why? I can’t just—”

“In the name of the Sun and for thy love of our sister, we command thee obey, Twilight Sparkle!” Princess Luna roared in the Royal Canterlot voice. But it was the desperation on her face that really convinced Twilight.

“All right. Are you ready?” She asked. Luna nodded, a soft glow coming from her horn. Twilight closed her eyes, reviewing the steps of the spell. It was a simple spell, the resulting burst of magic of no use to anyone who wasn’t a mage themselves.

Twilight’s horn flared to life, the glow quickly spreading over her entire body. Opening her eyes she pointed her horn at Luna and released the spell.

A ray of intense white light shot from the tip of her horn and hit the tip of Luna’s. Once contact had been made the ray of light rapidly increased in diameter until a six inch beam of incandescence joined the two ponies.

Twilight held the spell as long as she could, until spots started dancing in front of her eyes and her heart felt like it would burst from the strain.

“Nothing left!” She gasped, the beam snapping out of existence. The purple unicorn collapsed, flanks heaving as she desperately tried to draw in enough air to keep from fainting.

“Our thanks, Twilight Sparkle.” Luna said softly before turning to face the east. “We pray that thy sacrifice will suffice.”

“What—what do—you” Twilight said brokenly, still panting. “What are you doing? Where—oh my—where is—whoa!—Princess Celestia?”

“Taken.” Princess Luna said as she reared. Twilight’s eyes widened as she realized what Luna was about to do.

Why is Princess Luna raising the sun? I didn’t know she could do that!

She shielded her eyes as the alicorn suddenly became too bright to look at. Twilight stiffened as Luna let out a loud groan. She watched the sun wobble slowly over the horizon. It looked wrong—it was moving from side to side as it rose. Luna screamed in pain and the sun slid sideways two hoof-widths before steadying. It jerked upward just before the alicorn’s flaring light cut off and Luna collapsed, her flanks heaving as she shuddered and gasped.

“Princess Luna! Are you all right?” Twilight staggered to her hooves, not believing how weak she was. She took a couple of stumbling steps toward the alicorn before her strength gave out and she sank to her knees.

“We—need time to—rest.” The alicorn responded, blowing hard as she tried to catch her breath. “Our dear sister did not tell us the sun was so dreadfully heavy.”

The two ponies stayed on the roof for another fifteen minutes before either felt strong enough to dare the stairs.

“Truly, we know not how many more of those are in us.” Princess Luna said. “Join us for your morning meal, Twilight Sparkle. Thou hast surely earned thy hay this day!”

“Of course, Princess. But why did you raise the sun? Where is Princess Celestia? What does taken mean?”

“We know we promised thee an explanation, but let it be over food.” Princess Luna said as they descended the tower stairs. “We are hollow inside, as though we have not eaten in days.”

“Now that you mention it I could eat a whole bale of hay myself.” Twilight admitted. “Wind Spear must have been one heck of a powerful pony to come up with that spell.”

“She was, or so my sister informs me. I was imprisoned for the entirety of Wind Spear’s life.” The Princess led the way into a room with a small table and a large sideboard filled with food for both breakfast and supper.

“I’m sorry.” Twilight said quietly. “I didn’t mean to remind you.”

“Nay, good Twilight. Tis the demon Nightmare I blame for that, not thee.” Luna assured her. “Feel free to eat as much as thou may, for tomorrow thee and we must repeat what we did today. If ever we coveted our sister’s throne this crisis reminds us to be careful what we wish for!”

Unwilling to use magic the two ponies grazed directly off the sideboard. It was horribly gauche, but since Luna was setting the example Twilight gratefully followed suit.

After they had recovered enough to at least pile food on a plate and retreat to the table and the cushions around it, Princess Luna looked at Twilight gravely.

“Our sister has been abducted.” She said quietly. Twilight choked on her food.

“What? How? Princess Celestia is the most powerful magician in all of Equestria! Nobody could abduct her! She’s too powerful!”

“Before this morning we would have agreed with thee, Twilight Sparkle. But when Fairie Mist went to wake our sister she found her gone, only a single feather remaining. A feather—and what Subtle Dancer informs us is a powerful poison, mixed with Celestia’s blood.”

“Oh no.” Twilight felt like she was going to faint—again. Today was not proving to be a good day. “So—what? Something bit her?”

“So it would appear. Given the amount of poison on her sheet the creature must have been enormous. Yet the two guards at the door swear no one entered or left her chambers. Subtle Dancer thinks there was some kind of magic used, powerful magic he thinks.”

“But wouldn’t she have sensed magic that powerful?” Twilight wondered.

“One would think so. But our sister moved the sun three times yesterday. Although she never showed it she was exhausted. Perhaps that is why.”

“Why did you need me to raise the sun, Princess?”

“Yesterday we raised the moon twice.” Luna said. “Plus we were summoned from slumber quite suddenly. Our magical reserves were critically low. Even with thy strength we barely managed to bring up the sun. Even fully rested we are not sure we have the strength needed. Equestria must have the sun, Twilight Sparkle. And we must have thy strength to be sure of raising it. Thou didst see the horrid mockery we assayed this morning.”

“Hey, you did it, that’s all that matters, right?” Twilight said reasonably.

“Nay. For if the sun strays too far from its appointed path things will go ill for the world.” Luna said somberly. “We think the sun is on track today, but another such raising and it may not be.”

ooOoo

Celestia came to, feeling a horrible throbbing pain in her flank. For a moment she was unable to make sense of where she was. It was cold, there were rocks digging into her ribs and her head hurt abominably. She couldn’t remember when she’d last felt this awful. Even those barbed wire tentacles of Discord hadn’t left her feeling this ghastly.

She cried out when she tried to rise, her right rear leg would not bear her weight. Panting she tried to light her horn to see where she was. A sense of panic nearly overwhelmed her when nothing happened. Her headache started driving needles into her eyes, forcing her abandon the attempt.

“So, you are awake...” A voice like falling ice spoke, the words echoing in the darkness. “It is fitting you should hear the passing of your sentence, prideful horse. Know that for your crimes against the natural order you will die here, alone, slowly crushed as the ice creeps ever closer. You will curse the day you stole from me, despicable beast. The sweet pain I have known from the beginning of the world is no more. My dearest enemy is no more. For that alone I would kill you. But you blasphemed against the Universe itself, and for that there can be no mercy.”

“Who are you?” Celestia’s voice was hoarse, and she coughed up something vile, spitting it out in revulsion.

“I am Tišina, sinful beast. Now it is time to take my leave. Die whenever it suits you.” There was a pop, followed by the most profound silence Celestia had ever experienced.

Terror clawed at her there in the darkness. She had just heard a voice from the distant past, reaching out from the grave to snatch her life away, and the lives of her little ponies. In fact the lives of every living thing. It would end in ice, as the world lost its heat, the sun forever lost…

Tišina, the very name chilled her soul. Great Mother of Silence, Mistress of Cold, Watcher of the Stillness. A story, a legend, a nightmare. Tišina was all these things. Celestia had thought her long dead by Discord’s hand. She had learned of Tišina from Discord’s boasting taunts during their never ending battles in the early days. From the history books he had mockingly created and given to her to “educate” her, she’d read of the earliest days of Equestria, then called Eris. The days before Discord wrested the world away from Tišina. The books had told of a boring lifeless world where the only movement was snow on the wind. Where the sun was a pale pitiful imitation of the warm orb that blessed Equestria today. Where even at noon it was still only the deepest twilight.

She curled up as much as she could with her wounded flank and tried to keep warm and kick the trolls with pickaxes out of her skull.

After what seemed like hours shivering in the deepening cold the headache finally retreated enough for her to risk lighting her horn again.

This time she managed it, a pale firefly glow that lit only a couple of feet around her. If she hadn’t spent the last few hours in pitch-blackness she couldn’t have seen anything.

It must be Tišina’s poison interfering with my magic. The unicorn thought as she tried to rise again. She nearly went down when her left foreleg slipped on ice but she caught herself just in time. Limping severely she hobbled around her prison to take inventory.

The news was grim. Her prison was a cavern of ice barely as tall as her horn tip and perhaps three body lengths long by two wide. Aside from a scattering of rocks it was empty and there were no exits. Unless she came up with something in the next day she would suffocate before she froze to death.

If I die here the world dies with me. I will not allow that to happen. Tišina, you have no idea who you’ve challenged. I will get out of here and when I do there will be a reckoning.

Celestia carefully lowered herself to the icy floor and closed her eyes, seeking to travel inward, to the secret innermost sanctum of her soul where her magic dwelt. Ironically the silence and darkness of her prison made her task easier. Soon she was standing in the innermost temple of her mind, the mental landscape as dear and familiar as the face of her sister.

But all was not well in her temple. Great heaping mounds of ice were everywhere. Where the fount of her magic normally burst forth joyfully it now trickled like a frozen spring, barely able to dribble. She could feel the strain on parts of her mental construct. If she didn’t do something quickly the weight of the ice would smash everything—and if that happened she was doomed, and all of Equestria with her.

It was the poison. That was the issue. If she could do something about that she could fight back. Grimly she set to work, chipping away at the ice blocking the flow of magic.

It was only symbolic, of course, she wasn’t really here, there wasn’t really any temple and her magic didn’t really look like a massive Greek fountain. Her horn wasn’t really chipping ice. It was all metaphorical.

But symbols have power. And she was looking for one symbol above all else. If she could recover it from the ice she might have a chance…

ooOoo

The rumors had flown, faster than any pegasus. They always did. Whispers had slipped from ear to ear. Panic was spreading insidious tendrils throughout Canterlot. Before too much longer all of Equestria would know Celestia had been abducted.

Including her enemies.

Princess Luna’s face was pinched and she had a raging headache. Next to her Twilight Sparkle was bravely handling the furious tirade of Duke Shimmerling, managing to keep her head in the furious swirling argument the council meeting had degenerated into.

“Furthermore, how dare you bring that pony into our presence? As if the situation wasn’t dire enough, you bring a murderous savage beast into the company of gentleponies! It is not to be born, Twilight Sparkle!”

“ENOUGH!” Princess Luna snapped directing the Royal Canterlot Voice at the Duke, who was only a few feet away. He was pushed back by the sheer volume, his ears flattening against his head in self defense.

“Enough.” She repeated more quietly in the shocked silence of the council chamber. “We hadst thought nobles of the court would see the gravity of the situation and come together for the good of Equestria, but instead we find petty bickering and behavior that would not be tolerated from newborn foals! Sun Hammer is here at our personal request, Duke Shimmerling. Something stole our dear sister from the safety of her own bed! Wouldst thou have the same happen to us? Or perhaps you wouldst see Twilight Sparkle stolen away? Without her strength we cannot raise the sun!”

She stared at the Duke somberly. “Sun Hammer stands the best chance of making sure both of us are here on the morrow. Hast thou forgotten thee owes Sun Hammer thy life? The life of thy wife? Thy children?”

The Duke looked uncertain.

“Nay, Princess.” Sun Hammer spoke from his position behind her and Twilight. “Dinnae fash yourself on ma accoont. A ken what A be, and A ken what A done. No use tryin’ tae make of it more than it be. Now, most times A’d never dream o’ sullyin’ the Duke’s shadow wi the presence o’ ma savage self, but seems laik ye be needin’ a guard what ken their business, and that A can dae, better than those tin-plated stoaters, so A can.”

Just for an instant a smile flickered onto Luna’s muzzle. It vanished just as quickly.

“We trust thee to keep watch while we sleep, Sun Hammer. We trust thee with the safety of the world. And that, Duke Shimmerling, is all we shall say on the subject!”

Her narrowed eyes swung around the table, challenging each council member in turn. No pony accepted the challenge.

“Subtle Dancer, hast thou made any progress since this morning?” She asked, returning to business.

“Yes, Princess. The spell used in Princess Celestia’s chamber has been identified. It was a portal—a gateway connecting two distant points so that anypony can merely walk through, as if the points were side by side.”

“How do we counter something like that?” Duke Shimmerling asked, appalled. “If such a portal could be formed in the Princess’s very own chambers, then none of us are safe!”

“Thankfully, Duke that is not actually the case.” The Chief Horn corrected him. “A portal is not something that can be created in a few seconds. It takes considerably longer to form. Any unicorn could sense it long before it opened and move out of danger. There’s also the issue of the colossal amount of magic needed—it’s beyond the capabilities of all but the most powerful.”

“Could you do it?” The Duke asked.

Subtle Dancer shook his head. “No, Your Grace. I have the skill, but not nearly enough power. Princess Celestia could do it, and Princess Luna. Perhaps Twilight Sparkle. Assuming they knew the spell, that is. That’s another odd thing. We’ve been analyzing this thing for hours. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. The entire theory underlying it defies analysis. Whoever cast this couldn’t have been a pony.”

“Why, Chief Horn?” Twilight asked with interest.

“All spells have patterns.” He began, explaining for the benefit of council members who weren’t unicorns. “These patterns reflect the caster’s personality, their outlook on life, how they see the world. It’s almost instinctive. So a spell cast by a pony will always have a certain shape, a feeling, a scent. The Horns are trained to spot subtle differences in spells, to the point they can glean the caster’s species and gender. If they’ve see the caster use other spells they can even identify the caster directly.”

“But this spell is different. I can tell you it wasn’t cast by any known magic-using species. I’m willing to bet the caster wasn’t a mammal, an avian, or a reptile. What that leaves I have no idea.”

“Discord?” Baroness Splendid Light, a mare with a rare combination of chartreuse and fuchsia patterning and a scarlet mane and tail asked apprehensively.

“No.” Was Subtle Dancer’s comforting reply. “Discord’s magic is chaotic, this was just the opposite. The spell’s pattern was orderly, almost crystalline. Discord could never have cast it. It would have poisoned him.”

“A demon? One such as Nightmare?” Luna asked.

“I—don’t think so.” Subtle Dancer said hesitantly. “Demons need a living host to cast any magic, and the demon must use the host’s own abilities to amplify its magic. Meaning a possessed pony’s spell would still be recognizable as cast by a pony.”

He shrugged. “Unraveling the spell may not be possible at all. It will certainly take time.”

“Time we don’t have.” Twilight said grimly.

“I am open to new avenues of investigation.” The Chief Horn said mildly.

“Investigation—” Twilight said slowly, eyes widening. “That’s it! Princess, remember when Teelo told us about how police in her world investigate crimes?”

“We remember, Twilight Sparkle. What of it?” Luna asked curiously.

“What if we sent a pony to her world to get her to help us? Maybe find one of these investigators and bring them back?”

“A be thinkin’ Crush might be a mickle useful as well, Highness.” Sun Hammer added. “Should the trolls be thinkin’ tae take advantage o’ the situation A mean.”

“Could the trolls have been behind this? After all the Princess disappeared right after they left.” A noble mare called Snow Tree offered. “Demanding Crush back after the Princess told them it wasn’t here! They all but called her a liar! The nerve.” She sniffed.

“I know troll magic, Lady Snow Tree.” Subtle Dancer said tiredly. “This was not troll magic. Twilight Sparkle, if you think Lady Teagan could help us I would be willing to open the Bridge of Days to allow a pony to cross. But who would dare such a dangerous journey? We know nothing of her world.”

“Chief Horn, ye say thon portal be no danger if’n a unicorn’s got thair wit’s aboot them?” Sun Hammer asked suddenly.

“Absolutely. Once the portal has been started it can’t be moved. I’d say at a minimum you’d have several minutes warning.”

“Then A’ll be the one crossin’ the Bridge.” Sun Hammer stated calmly. “Should A come tae grief we be no worse fer it, aye Duke? ‘Course its mair laikly A’ll be the one givin’ the grief, ya ken?” He chuckled. “Besides, Teelo an A have an understandin’, she’ll listen tae me, so she will.”

“Are thee certain, Sun Hammer?” Princess Luna asked. “Once thou hast crossed and the Bridge closes, thee will be on thy own until the Bridge reopens.”

“Oh aye.” Sun Hammer said dismissively. “A’m all growed up, ye ken. Buckle me awn straps an’ all, so A dae.” He grinned cheerfully. Of course on Sun Hammer a cheerful grin could signal either good humor or the onset of mayhem. Sometimes both simultaneously.

“Very well.” Luna said decisively. “Now, concerning the rumors spreading about our sister’s abduction…”

The meeting wore on past lunch, with no sign of ending.

Oh, So Close!

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In which a tree falls in Kansas, Teagan’s parents hear thrilling tales from Equestria, and we learn why Sun Hammer did not join the diplomatic corps.

“Remember, the bridge will open near Lady Teagan, but I can’t guarantee perfect accuracy.” Subtle Dancer cautioned Sun Hammer as they stood in the Everfree forest surrounded by members of the Sun Shield.

“The bridge won’t open in mid air or into a wall, but there’s no telling what’s on the other side. If everything goes according to plan you should see her the moment you step off the bridge. But you could end up a short distance away, inside another room for example.”

“Ye’re nae bein’ a comfort, Subtle Dancer, and that’s a fact.” Sun Hammer grunted.

“Sorry. Also, I can’t keep the bridge open very long, perhaps thirty seconds at a time. I’ll open it again in exactly six hours. Make sure you and Lady Teagan are ready, because you won’t have much time.”

“Aye. What happens if we be just a wee bit late?” Sun Hammer asked.

“I’ll open the Bridge every six hours.” Subtle Dancer replied. “I don’t know how many times I can do that, so don’t miss too many opportunities will you?”

“Dae me best, Chief.” Sun Hammer said seriously. “Be ye ready?”

Subtle Dancer nodded and closed his eyes. His horn lit up, rapidly growing too bright to look at. A hole opened in mid air, swelling until it touched the ground. Sun Hammer charged into the rainbow-edged opening.

“Fer Celestia, ye glaikit brig!” He yelled at the top of his lungs. There was a crash and cursing, then the Bridge snapped closed.

Subtle Dancer wondered if he would ever see that cheerful maniac again.

ooOoo

Teagan was happy, really happy. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt like this. Setting aside the sweater and the brightly wrapped box she’d just finished demolishing, she hugged her mother.

It was Christmas day and she was home and safe. It had been eleven months since her abduction. Now sixteen, she’d matured from the whiny little brat Discord had stolen away. But she hadn’t come home unscathed. Ever since then she never felt safe until she was home with Crush close to hand and both her parents in the house.

She still had her freckles and a nose no one spoke of. Her hair was still long and her pretty eyes still green. But after spending two hours every weekday with her Krav Maga instructor she no longer had a hair-trigger temper.

Matt Sanders had literally beaten it out of her during the first month of training. He’d shown her how easy it was for an enemy to use her temper as a weapon against her. He’d demonstrated by purposely taunting her into a rage and then wiping the floor with her.

Over and over again.

Every day for a month. And each and every day she’d asked herself why she kept going back. But she knew why. She couldn’t forget that cheerful voice in her ear, the tips of claws lightly pricking her throat. The look in Fluttershy’s eyes as Discord happily talked about torturing the kindly pegasus to death.

She’d been too stubborn to quit, and too dumb to learn. Every time Matt gleefully and painfully pounded the lesson into her thick skull she got back up and let him do it again. But in the end she finally learned the most important lesson of all: how truly dangerous fighting was, how much she sucked at it, and how easily she could get killed—or worse.

That was the day she actually started learning how to fight.

On the plus side during these past eleven months he’d managed to replace her bravado and mindless rage with a cold calculated precision. Once he found out she’d been kidnapped he seemed to take her abduction personally. He’d sworn to her after that first month that no one would ever be able to steal her away again when he was done with her.

His Christmas present to her had been making sure she’d earned her Level 2 certification and starting her Level 3 training. She still had years to go before she was an expert, but at least she knew how and where to hit someone so they wouldn’t be able to hit her back.

After a few months she’d begged to train with Crush as well as Krav Maga. He’d refused until she broke down and showed him Crush’s magic. She was afraid he’d drop her as a student, but he hadn’t. He was wary, at first, and still refused to spar with her and Crush during practice, but he had taught her how to parry and counter-attack, skills she hadn’t had when she fought Discord.

Unfortunately all that training made her feel even more vulnerable, not less. She was constantly hyper-aware of her surroundings, how every person could be a potential threat. She was constantly on edge and absolutely could not sleep unless Crush was in the bed with her. Even then she had at least one nightmare a week.

She’d nearly hurt people on two separate occasions when they startled her. One had been a teacher. It felt like she was walking on egg shells all the time. Matt thought she had a mild case of PTSD and urged her to see someone to talk about it. She’d tapped Crush and raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t pushed her after that, except to say if she wanted to talk about it he’d listen. She couldn’t bring herself to tell him about Equestria, she was certain he’d think she was certifiable.

As a result she thought she finally understood Sun Hammer now. She prayed for him every night, and asked God to bless Celestia for intervening when she had come within a hair’s breadth of killing Discord.

After eleven months of intense and punishing training she now thought she understood what it really meant to kill someone. Matt hadn’t just taught her Krav Maga, he’d shared a lot of his past Special Forces stories with her. He talked about some of the people he’d killed in Iraq and Bosnia and other places. Shared with her all the horror and the guilt and the senseless waste of it. Made sure she knew killing was forever. That it was the last resort.

But he also made sure she would be able to do it if she ever needed to.

Eleven months ago she’d been innocent and oh so very dangerous—but not in a good way. Now she was no longer quite so innocent and she understood just how little she did know. No wonder she still had nightmares. Ones where Crush was coming down and the sky split open and it was her own face looking up at her instead of Discord’s…

“Honey, are you ok?” Teagan’s mom asked worriedly as Teagan’s eyes lost focus, staring at something only she could see.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking about Sun Hammer.” Teagan came back to herself, smiling for her mother’s sake.

“Pumpkin, he’s fine.” Her father tried to lighten her mood. “From what you’ve told us that pony could stand up to a Marine division if he had to.”

She chuckled.

“I just miss him and Fluttershy and the others. I wish they could be here to share Christmas with us.”

“I know what you mean.” Her father said, surprising her. “Friends that you’ll never see again are always a bittersweet joy. Auld Lang Syne. When I was your age I had some good friends. After high school we just drifted apart. Haven’t thought about them in years. That’s how the world turns, Teagan. You make a new life for yourself without realizing the old one fades away.”

“Yeah, well that sucks.” She said. “At least you could see them again if you wanted. It’s not like they’re in another world or anything. I’ll never be able to go back to Equestria. The Bridge of Days can’t be opened from this side.”

“I’m sure they’re thinking of you too, pumpkin.” He said gently. “Today is a day for celebrating friends and family. It doesn’t matter if they’re here or there. Just be glad you have them.”

“You’re right. But I still miss them.” Teagan said, straightening up and shaking off her somber mood.

“Here’s a toast I learned a long time ago.” Her father said, picking up his punch from the table next to his chair. “To our friends, the good guys, and to our enemies, the bad guys, and to the hope that one day we’ll be able to tell them apart.”

“Sounds like something Matt would say.” Teagan said with a giggle.

“To friends, and family, no matter where they might be.” Her mother raised her own cup.

Teagan picked up her own cup from the tray table and raised it.

“Here’s to Pinkie Pie, the only pony I know that puts hot sauce in her punch! And Fluttershy, the kindest, gentlest person I’ve ever met. And most especially, to Sun Hammer, a pony unlike any other!”

Just as they drank there was a blaze of rainbow light from the corner behind the Christmas tree and a loud voice shouted.

“Fer Celestia, ye glaikit brig!”

There was a confused moment where the tree seemed to leap aside, the rainbow light disappeared and a massive shape exploded into the room, cursing with an incomprehensible Scottish accent as the tree toppled and smashed into the floor amid a tinkle of smashing ornaments and flailing limbs.

Eyes snapped open in her mind as the world seemed to slow to a crawl. She saw the massive shape looming up to the ceiling as it reared, screaming a challenge. Her mother’s scream and her father’s startled curse answered the battle neigh.

She was about to call Crush to her when the scene suddenly snapped into focus. She knew that impossible figure rearing before her. That shaggy black mane, the scars, the eye patch…

“Sun Hammer!” She exclaimed joyously. She struggled to her feet as his massive fore-hooves came slamming down onto the carpet.

The pony froze in mid glare as she literally hit him in a flying tackle, her now muscular hundred and twenty-pounds not even making him flinch as she crashed into him like an affectionate (if petite) avalanche.

She was laughing and crying and hugging him all at the same time.

“Oh my God! Sun Hammer I’m so happy to see you! How in the world did you open the Bridge? I thought I’d never see you again! What are you doing here?”

Sun Hammer, having recognized his newly acquired limpet snorted softly in her hair.

“Um, Teagan aren’t you going to introduce us?” Her father said to the oblivious pair.

“Oh! Mom, Dad, this is Sun Hammer.” Teagan said, coming back to her senses. She became acutely aware that she and Sun Hammer where standing amidst the debris that used to be their Christmas tree. She froze until Sun Hammer spoke.

“Aye, lassie, tis good to see you too. Guid day tae ye, sir and madam. A be honored tae speak tae the head o’ Clan O’Gara and his lady, so A dae. Just wish ma visit was nae so dire.”

“What do you mean dire? What’s wrong?” Teagan asked, suddenly alert.

“There ain’t nae way tae say it soft, lassie. Princess Celestia’s gone. Somethin’ took her and we need you and Crush’s help tae get her back. Twilight Sparkle seems tae think ye can find us one o’ them investigators. We hae tae hae help. She figured ye’d know somepony.”

“What? An investigator? The Princess has been kidnapped?” Teagan stepped back and gaped at the pony. “Who could possibly kidnap a goddess? She raises the freaking Sun.”

“Aye. An now that she’s gone it takes Princess Luna and Twilight Sparkle both together tae dae it. If’n we dinnae find her and quick Equestria is doomed.” Sun Hammer said gruffly.

“You want Teagan to fight?” Her father asked.

“Aye, that A dae. The trolls been actin’ up, so they hae. Wi Teelo and Crush back in Equestria micht settle thae thrawn nyaffs doon a bit. We got a plate full o’ troubles wi out trolls, so we dae.”

“You want my daughter to fight trolls?” Teagan’s mother exclaimed, horrified. “She said you lost your eye fighting a troll!”

“Nay, Lady O’Gara!” Sun Hammer said hastily. “The trolls will nae fight Teelo, ‘cause Crush serves her, and those craiturs think the world o’ Crush, so thay dae. Thay’ll nae move against it, nor the one who wields it.”

“Then who do you want her to fight?” Teagan’s father asked, his eyes narrowing.

“What e’er snatched the Princess, o’ course. But she’ll nae be fightin’ alone. Every pony wi a backbone wants a place at that table, so thay dae. An A’ll be at Teelo’s right hand, so A will!”

“I forbid it!” Teagan’s mother said fiercely. “I lost my daughter once to your insane world, Sun Hammer, I’ll not lose her again!”

Sun Hammer threw back his head, appalled.

“Are ye daft, Lady? Wi out Teelo and Crush that wee loun what calls himself the new Troll King will use Celestia’s absence tae declare war on us! Subtle Dancer tells me if it hadn’t been for that glaikit dunderheid in the first place the Princess would ne’er hae tae play silly buggers wi the sun and wabbit herself tae the point she ne’er saw the noose closin’ round her ain neck!”

“What?” Her mother asked, bewildered by the spew of brogue.

“He’s saying the new Troll King is an idiot, Mom. Unless Crush and I are there he’ll use her disappearance to declare war on the ponies. That’s the last thing they need right now. Especially since it was the Troll King who made her exhaust herself in the first place.”

“Aye! Tis whit A said!” Sun Hammer said in annoyance.

“This is war, Teagan! You could die. I don’t want my baby to die in a war on another world! It’s nothing to do with us!” Her mother shouted.

“WHAT? Whit blether be ye spouting, ye daft besom?” Sun Hammer roared, stepping forward and sticking his muzzle in her mother’s shocked face.

“Hae the bluid o’ Clan O’Gara, the bluid that runs in ma own veins got so thin the head o’ the Clan married a coward? Hou did Teelo come tae be from the laiks o’ ye? She be a proper O’Gara! A hero! Yon quine run bare shod o’er broken glass tae save her friend! She fecht a monster what bested Princess Celestia her ain self and laik tae killed him wi but three blows! An nou ye think her nae but wally?”

“Leave my wife alone, you!” Teagan’s father got in Sun Hammer’s face. The pony took a step back.

“Nou thare be a proper O’Gara!” Sun Hammer said in an approving tone.

“You said the blood of the O’Gara runs in your veins! You’re a pony, Sun Hammer. How is that possible? And what’s this about my daughter running over broken glass barefooted?” Her father demanded.

“She ne’er told ye?” Sun Hammer asked, astounded, turning to look at Teagan. “There’s a time an place tae be humble, lassie, but that takes the hay bale, so it dae! Why dinnae ye tell them hou ye saved Fluttershy? The court was buzzin’ fer days wi the story!”

“Crap.” Teagan said, looking at her parents horrified faces. She actually had told them, although she’d edited out the more gruesome details, like how she’d been bedridden for two weeks after the fight with Discord.

“I didn’t want you to worry, ok?” Teagan said desperately. “I got hurt, but I’m fine now. It wasn’t a big deal, really.”

“And now this horse wants you to risk getting hurt again?” Teagan’s mother demanded incredulously. “Maybe get killed in some war they started?”

“A be a pony, Lady O’Gara.” Sun Hammer objected grumpily. “An we started nought. Who e’er took the Princess took the life o’ the world! Ye think craiturs in thair right minds wad dae that? Subtle Dancer tells me every livin’ thing in Equestria will be daid inside six months if’n the Princess dee’d.”

“What about the Troll King?” Her mother demanded. “You said he’ll start a war because she’s gone!”

“Aye, an so he wad.” Sun Hammer said. “His father, the auld Troll King, A killed cause he tried tae kill the Princess, did it cause he ne’er believed she raises the sun. But she proved to the Snøskred she was tellin’ the truth! Not one troll wad o’ harmed her after that.”

“Someone did.” Her father pointed out. “Tell me why you’re claiming to be an O’Gara? You’re not even human.”

“A may be a pony, but A’m as much part o’ the Clan as ye.” Sun Hammer said. “Dinnae ye tell ‘em the story o’ the Bridge O’ Days, Teelo?”

“No, it never came up.” Teagan said, embarrassed.

“Well, ye ken, it was laik this…” Sun Hammer launched into the same tale that Twilight Sparkle had told Teagan on that year-ago flight to Canterlot.

“An that’s why every pony in Equestria can claim they’re part o’ Clan O’Gara.” Sun Hammer said. “Cause it were the ghaists o’ the capaill an tuatha fusin’ wi the ponies from the harsh inch whit made ponies whit we be today.”

“So in some weird way we’re distant cousins?” Her father asked, astonished.

“Aye. So A claim Clan right! If ye forbid her tae come wi me ye’ll be forswearing your ain bluid. An truth tae tell, A dinnae think she’d listen tae ye. Wi Crush in her hand ye cannae lock her in her room, ye ken?”

“John! You can’t seriously be thinking of letting her go?” Her mother demanded.

“Mom, I have to go. Princess Celestia, well, she’s the center of their world! Without her there’s no life, everyone dies. Including my friends! If it wasn’t for Fluttershy I’d be dead right now! Rarity, Applejack, Twilight, all of them, they all risked their lives for me. I can’t just turn my back on them!” Teelo said forcefully.

“Are you ponies so helpless you have to have a sixteen year-old girl fighting your battles for you?” Her mother spat at Sun Hammer.

“Elaine!” John said, appalled. “That was uncalled for.”

“Well it’s the truth! Look at him! Just look! He’s one big scar! And you want me to let Teagan risk that? Or worse, you want to get her killed?”

“Of course not.” Her husband said trying to keep his own temper. “But if what Sun Hammer says is true just her being there could stop a war. Besides, you know what Matt’s been saying about her.”

“Matt! That dirty—oh, let her take Krav Maga, Elaine! It’ll keep her safe until Crush can get there, Elaine!” His mother mocked her husband. “I agreed to let her do it—in spite of my better judgment—so that crazy world wouldn’t steal my baby again! Matthew Sanders won’t be the one burying a daughter! Assuming they even send her body back! And the best part? They’re not going to kidnap her this time, John! Oh no, this time they’re asking her to volunteer.”

“Let me ask ye this, Lady O’Gara.” Sun Hammer said, no longer raging. His voice was bitter but level. “How many stallions and mares got little bairns that’ll freeze tae daith when the Princess dies and Princess Luna can’t raise the sun nae mair? She needs tae take power from Twilight Sparkle tae manage nou, ye ken. Twilight’s jus’ a wee thing, Lady O’Gara. How much dae she hae tae gie?”

“Teelo, ye ken Rarity’s little sister, dinnae ye?”

“Sweetie Belle.” Teagan said, nodding. “And Apple Bloom, Applejack’s sister. Oh, and their friend Scootaloo. If those three were human they’d be about eight or nine, Mom.”

Elaine flinched.

“Aye. And Pinkie Pie was sayin’ hou the Cakes done had a pair o newborns foals. They’re just a few months old.” Sun Hammer’s voice was relentless. It wasn’t loud, but the images just kept on coming.

“They ain’t the only fillies and colts in Equestria, ye ken. There’s lots and lots o’ others. Bairns with parents who love ‘em. Just like ye love Teelo, Lady O’Gara.”

“You’re asking me to save strangers, Sun Hammer. To risk my baby for creatures I’ve never met on some other world that exists only as a cartoon.” Elaine looked at the pony. “She’s the only daughter I have. Can you promise me she’ll come back in one piece?”

“Nay, Lady O’Gara. Nae craitur in the world can promise that.” Sun Hammer said somberly. “But A swear tae you, by blessed Celestia her ain self A will protect Teelo wi ma life. I’ll guard her back in battle and anythin’ whit tries tae harm her will hiv tae come through me first.”

“That’s not really good enough.” Elaine said.

“Tis all A hae tae gie, Lady O’Gara.” Sun Hammer answered her.

“I’m ready to do this, Mom. Dad, you know Matt says I’m untouchable as long as Crush is in my hand.” Teelo appealed to her father. He sighed.

“Pumpkin, you have no idea what you’re asking of us. And Matt Sanders is a bachelor. He’s never had kids either. He can’t know.”

“He was Spec Ops, Dad.” She objected. “He went in before the wars started. He told me about things he saw, things both sides did that literally made me throw up! He trained me to fight, Dad. Fight like he does, not just look impressive in a dojo! I know what I’m getting into. I already fought a god, Dad—and won. I’m not helpless.” She carefully said nothing about how she’d won—with a double-supersized portion of luck—but her parents didn’t need to know that.

“A ne’er had the chance tae have bairns o’ me own.” Sun Hammer said. “An ye hae the right o’ it that A dinnae know what A’m askin’ o ye. But A ken fechting. Been a brawler ma whole life. A ken what A’m askin’ Teelo tae risk, cause A’ve done it ma ain self. But A tell ye truly, tae save the world ye gotta mean it. Teelo kens. She kens.”

“Matt says I’m ready.” Teagan insisted.

“Matt isn’t going.” Elaine retorted, and then paused. “But maybe he should. John, call him!”

“Are you nuts?” John retorted. “Hey Matt! Yeah, how’d you like to help a talking pony save a princess so she can keep making the sun come up? Sound like fun? Great!”

The man snorted.

“Who’s this Matt then? Why call him?” Sun Hammer asked.

“He’s my Krav Maga instructor.” Teagan answered. “He was a special kind of soldier before he retired, we call them Spec Ops. The best of the best.”

“Oh, aye?” Sun Hammer’s ears came forward. “Is he an investigator? That’s whit Twilight said we needed.”

“Well, no.” Teagan admitted. “It’s kind of a shame that he isn’t. He’s amazing. I don’t really know any investigators. Certainly no one I could—oh.” She suddenly chuckled, picturing it. “Wait, yes, I do know a pair of detectives. And they know the truth about Equestria. You still have their card, Dad?”

“It’s Christmas.” He objected. “They’re probably at home with their families. Besides, they can’t just vanish for Lord knows how long. They’re police, pumpkin.”

“A world is going to die unless we get Princess Celestia back.” She retorted. “My friends will die. I’m not going to let a little thing like a phone call on Christmas stop me.”

Elaine had already retrieved her cell phone and was dialing a number.

“You’re calling them, Elaine?” John asked, surprised.

“No. I’m calling Matt. Let him talk some sense into her.” Elaine replied. “Hi, Matt? Yeah, sorry to call you on Christmas but we need your help. It’s about Teelo. You knew she was abducted? Well those same people may be trying again. We need you to come over and give us some advice. It’s really urgent, Matt. What? Thank you so much! Twenty minutes? We’ll be expecting you.”

“You did not just do that.” Teelo said, grinning in spite of the churning knot in her stomach. Her mother speared her with a disapproving look.

“In spite of what you may think, he was a soldier, Teelo. He’s seen how horrible war can be. I can’t imagine he’ll want you anywhere near one. He’ll talk some sense into you.”

Teagan held her peace. She knew Matt Sanders far better than her mother did. But she did want to get any last-minute advice he might have. And the thought of Matt and Sun Hammer face to face made her smile so widely her face hurt. It distracted her from thinking about Princess Celestia.

“Dad, get the detective’s card. We owe them a chance to talk to Sun Hammer. Maybe they’ll have some suggestions at least. They won’t say anything, you know that.” Teelo wheedled.

“Fine.” Her father said after an internal debate. He went to retrieve the phone number.

Teagan claimed the right to contact Detective Nickels. She dialed his number and waited, grinning. In spite of everything Teagan was still going to enjoy the meeting between Sun Hammer and Kansas City’s finest…

“Detective Nickels.” The gruff voice gave no hint if he was annoyed by receiving a call on Christmas day.

“Detective Nickels, this is Teagan O’Gara. Do you remember me?”

“Miss O’Gara. Yes, I remember you. You were the one who ran away from home and then came back when you found out the big bad world was scarier than you thought. I wrote the report myself. What do you want?” His voice was icy.

“Do you remember me mentioning I met several friends while I was away from home?” Teagan asked. “One of them came to see me today.”

“And?”

“He came to my home, detective. He is in the living room with my parents right now.”

“This is one of your friends from your travels?” The detective asked in a more interested tone.

“Yes, detective. In fact I think I mentioned his rather large tattoo? A war hammer on a blue sky next to a picture of the sun?”

“You didn’t tell me his name, just his nickname. What did you say it was?”

“Sun Hammer.”

“This was your extremely large boisterous friend?”

“That’s him. Could you and Detective Long come over to talk to him? The reason he came was because one of our mutual friends has vanished. He’s pretty worried, and frankly so am I.”

“I’m not sure it’s in my jurisdiction, Miss O’Gara.” He said drily.

“That’s not a problem, Detective. If you can’t help us yourselves I’m sure you could recommend a professional who can. Our mutual friend is rather important in her country. Her sister sent Sun Hammer to see me.”

“I see. If this is a prank, Miss O’Gara I will be locking you up and throwing away the key.”

“This isn’t a joke, Detective. Neither Sun Hammer nor our friend’s sister are known for their sense of humor.”

“All right. We’ll be there, give us forty-five minutes.”

Teagan snapped the phone shut. “Yes!” She said triumphantly, handing her mother’s phone back to her.

“Thay’ll help us?” Sun Hammer asked hopefully.

“One way or another. Listen, you can be pretty intimidating and you do not want to spook the detectives or Matt. If you did violence might ensue. We need their help, Sun Hammer. So behave yourself.”

“Aye, lassie. A’ll be a wee mouse, fou o’ jeelie.”

“What?” She asked, startled into a bark of laughter.

“A wee mousie, wi a fou belly, lass. Quiet, ye ken, and nae inclined tae move.”

“I should warn you they won’t believe you’re a person at first.” She said seriously. “They may make you do stupid things to prove this isn’t a big joke. Try not to get upset, will you? Too much depends on their help.”

“Ye dinnae gie me any credit, lassie.” He snorted. “Tis fer the Princess’s sake. A dee’d once tae protect her, A’ll nae fail her nou.”

“We should probably clean this up.” Her father noted, going to examine the remains of the Christmas tree. Half a ton of raging pony had not been kind to it. Nor the ornaments, and even some of the lights.

Sadly he picked up one cracked ornament. “This was from Dublin.” He sighed.

“Sorry aboot that.” Sun Hammer said in embarrassment. “Subtle Dancer said the Bridge wad nae stay open verra long, so A rushed a bit. A guess A ruint yer Hearth’s Warming Eve.”

“We call it Christmas, Sun Hammer.” Teagan said. “And you didn’t ruin anything. Well, the tree obviously, but having you here for Christmas was the best present you could ever have given me.”

“Ye’ll make me blush, so ye will.” He turned his head aside. “Jes’ wish it were good tidings whit brung me, lass.”

“How are we getting back?” Teagan asked. “I didn’t think the Bridge would open from this side. Besides, you aren’t a unicorn.”

“Subtle Dancer’s waiting back in Equestria. He’ll open the Bridge every six hours. When it opens we gotta move sharpish ‘cause he can’t keep it open fer long.” Sun Hammer explained.

“I better get packed then. I wonder if Rarity’s clothes will still fit me?”

“You’re not going, Teagan!” Elaine snapped.

Teagan turned, feeling her old temper flare to life. She let her hands curl into fists but took a deep breath like Matt had taught her, then forced the anger to die. Her mother’s eyes widened when she realized what was happening.

Teagan spoke carefully, her body tense.

“Mom, you know I love you. But I am going back to Equestria. I have to. They could die if I don’t.”

“And you could die if you do.” Her mother said stonily.

“I might get hit by a bus if I stay here.” She snapped. “I know you’re worried. But Crush will be with me. Sun Hammer too. Maybe Matt, if he’s half as adventurous as I think he is. Not to mention whoever the detectives can send our way. Mom, I’m the only one who can wield Crush. The trolls will leave the ponies alone if I’m there. If nothing else that’s one less disaster to worry about. But I can’t do that from here!”

“I don’t want to lose you again, Teagan.” Elaine said, eyes glistening. “You’re my baby girl. I can’t bear to think of some monster killing you, eating you…” She shuddered.

“Lady O’Gara, A swear by ma life an every breath in me, A will fecht tae protect yer filly wi all ma heart.” Sun Hammer said. His words were heavy and slow. It was an oath and everyone knew it.

“I believe you, Sun Hammer.” She looked at him. “It isn’t enough. It will never be enough.”

“I have to get ready.” Teagan stood up abruptly, unable to sit and listen any more. “Sun Hammer, be nice until I get back. Mom, please don’t fight with him. He’s one of the good guys.” She left the room, torn between wanting to help Sun Hammer and not wanting to hurt her mother. But she was going to go and nothing her mother said was going to stop her.

“This sucks.” She snarled, retrieving Rarity’s clothing. She had grown taller over the last year, but between the constant Krav Maga and the clothing having been designed to be easy to move in, she could still wear it.

Which is one small blessing, she thought.

She packed the survival kit Matt had helped her assemble. It contained a knife, a small sewing kit, a first aid kit, a small flashlight, a lighter and some matches, a couple of candles and about a day’s supply of granola and chocolate.

“Good thing I have a Green Beret for a trainer.” She mumbled grumpily. “About the only good thing.”

Fully dressed now she slung Crush over her shoulder.

Wake up Lazy, she thought to the eyes in her head. The eyes had been there ever since it had agreed to let her wield it.

The eyes opened but said nothing.

Sun Hammer is here. Princess Celestia has been kidnapped and we’re gonna go get her back.

The eyes watched her silently, waiting.

Aren’t you going to say anything?

Wake me when it’s time to fight. The eyes closed again.

“You’re such a witty conversationalist, Crush.” She muttered as she headed downstairs.

Sun Hammer and her mother were clearly no longer on speaking terms. The tree was gone, and the debris had been cleared away. Teagan’s father was staring at her, appalled.

“What? They still fit, I know they do!” Teagan protested, looking down at herself.

“Teagan Laoise O’Gara.” Her mother said in a low dangerous voice. “Sun Hammer has been kind enough to fill in some of the details you forgot to mention, young lady.”

Teagan stiffened, throwing a worried glance at Sun Hammer, who refused to meet her eyes.

“Sun Hammer likes to embroider, Mom. He says it makes the story more interesting.” Teagan said, knowing it wouldn’t make any difference. She braced for the storm about to engulf her.

“Does he? Did he embroider the part where that monster stripped you naked in front of the entire country?” Elaine asked her daughter. “Or how about the part where you ran across a circle of broken glass and attacked a monster eight feet tall? How about the part where you spent two weeks recovering from that little stunt? Is any of that embroidered?”

“No, that’s pretty much what happened.” Teagan admitted reluctantly. “But Discord was going to spend two days murdering Fluttershy, Mom! You didn’t see that horrible machine! It was like something out of the Saw movies—only a lot nastier. I wasn’t about to let him do that!”

She could feel the rage explode in her as she once again saw Fluttershy struggling desperately in Discord’s choking grip…

“Sun Hammer says Discord took out all six of the ponies by himself. Six of them. And then you go after him with an overgrown stick!”

“Crush isn’t a stick, Mom!” Teagan snarled. “It’s a magical weapon! I hit Discord with a mountain, not a stick!”

“Sun Hammer also says you tried to kill Discord after he was helpless.” John said quietly. “Is that true?”

Teagan hesitated, remembering the world turning white. Not to mention smashing Crush into the decoy Discord’s throat… Her rage evaporated, turning to shame in the face of her father’s sorrowful eyes.

“Yes. If Princess Celestia hadn’t intervened I’d have smashed his skull in.” She said. “And I’m thankful she did because he wasn’t the real bad guy. Discord was possessed by a demon. It wasn’t entirely his fault.”

“A demon?” Elaine asked incredulously. “Like from Hell? The Exorcist?”

Teagan shrugged. “I don’t know where Nightmare came from. All I saw was a wisp of black smoke leave Discord before the Princess blasted it with her magic. It burned to nothing.”

“And you want to go back?” Elaine asked in disbelief.

“I want to save the Princess, Mom. I want to save Fluttershy, save all of my friends!” Teagan said tiredly, a headache starting to creep behind her eyes. “I want save all those little boys and girls with four legs and hooves. Because they can’t save themselves. If I don’t help them who’s going to? You?” Teagan snapped.

Elaine’s shocked face turned white.

“Mom, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!” Teagan took a step forward, just wanting the argument to end. “But can’t you see? Innocent lives are on the line here! Just because they walk on all fours and have fur doesn’t make them any less people than you or me! Look at my clothes. Rarity made these for me! A unicorn made these! She didn’t have to do that! She gave me that emerald broach the first time she met me! She did all that because I needed her help!”

“Fluttershy could have run away when she found me in the woods that day! I was big and frightening, but I was crying my eyes out because I was lost and scared and had no clue what to do next. She’s a saint, Mom! How can you ask me to turn my back on her?”

“Celestia kept me from murdering Discord. If she hadn’t caught me I’d have landed flat on my back on all that broken glass! She healed me, Mom! If it hadn’t been for her I could have bled to death! And now she’s in trouble, exactly the same trouble I was in, maybe worse. You want me to close my eyes? When I can help save her? Save all of them?”

“Stop it, stop it.” Elaine clutched her head. “Teagan, just stop. All right. We owe them. But why you? Why not get someone else? A soldier or a detective? Somebody who knows what they’re doing?”

“Lady O’Gara.” Sun Hammer said quietly. “Teelo an Crush air baith needed tae quell the trolls. She matched wits wi Discord, and in the fecht she outmatched him. Seems tae me she kens right well whit she be aboot.”

“I’m going to lose you again, aren’t I?” Elaine said heavily.

“I will come back.” Teagan promised.

Just then the doorbell rang.

That's Not Mr. Ed!

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In which we learn the difference between Equus ferus caballus and Equus sapiens Equestriana.

“That’s probably Matt.” Teagan said. “I better get the door, so I can prepare him.” A giggle forced its way out of her. “Nobody say anything till I bring him in, ok?”

Sun Hammer sat down. By now Teagan was used to seeing ponies sit like dogs, but her parents stared, confused.

“Whit? Ye ne’er seen somepony sit afore?” Sun Hammer asked.

Teagan ran to the front door, nervously wondering just what Matt would make of Sun Hammer. He’d been ok with Crush. Well, freaked out by Crush, but he was still teaching her. She wondered if he’d be willing to go to Equestria as she opened the door.

“Hi Matt. Come on in. Listen, before you go into the living room there’s something you need to know.” Teagan said nervously.

“What’s that, Squirt?” He walked in, talking in everything without seeming to. She knew that look.

“First, lay off the ‘Squirt’, its Christmas. Second, we have company. You don’t need to be ready to kill him, ok?”

“Your mom sounded pretty upset.” He said quietly. She shrugged.

“Yes, she is. Something’s come up Matt. A bit of old business. But the company is a friend of mine. I met him during my abduction and he helped me get home.”

“Go on.” Matt said quietly.

“Well, he’s not—what you expect.” Teagan said, at a loss of how to tell her instructor what was waiting for him. “Please don’t freak out. He’s kind of got scars…”

“Teelo, you know me better than that.” Matt’s steady brown eyes watched her from his craggy face. He’d always reminded her of an old tree, gnarled but strong. He’d retired young, some hush-hush thing he wouldn’t talk about, which was why he was only in his mid-forties.

“I’m a little disappointed you think a few scars would make any difference to me. I’ve seen worse, believe me.”

“Well, that’s not—um, look he’s really different, ok? I just want to make sure you don’t, well, attack him or something.”

“What? Teelo, what the hell is going on?” He demanded, giving her that look that always made her knees shake. Matt could be scary when he wanted to be.

“Matt, I’m trying to prepare you for a shock. He promised me he’d behave himself, but I need you to be calm and not overreact, ok?”

“Why would I do that?” He asked, watching her coolly. Teagan sighed. Matt was a master at hiding what he was thinking until he wanted someone to know.

“He’s not—oh forget it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! Come on.”

Matt followed her into the living room and stopped, staring at Sun Hammer.

“Why is there a horse in your living room?” He asked mildly.

“A be a pony, ye ken.” Sun Hammer said. He smiled with a cheerful baring of very large teeth. “Pleased tae meet ya. Name’s Sun Hammer. Ye must be Matt.”

Matt stood for a couple of seconds, taking in the room. Teagan’s parents looking upset and angry, Teagan standing next to the—pony?—which was still showing him its teeth.

“Teelo, you have some fascinating friends.” He finally said calmly. “Hi Sun Hammer. I’m Matt Sanders. We don’t get many talking ponies around here. I take it you’re from the same place Crush is?”

“Aye.” Sun Hammer nodded. Teagan felt cheated. Matt was taking this in stride! Where was the freak out? It wasn’t fair!

“Matt, you have to talk her out of this insanity!” Elaine burst out.

“What insanity would that be, Elaine? Remember, I just got here. How about filling me in?” He asked her in the same calm voice he used to ask for another cup of coffee or explain the attack he’d just knocked Teagan down with and how to counter it.

Matt was a very calm guy.

“Sun Hammer wants to take my daughter into a cartoon to fight a war for them!” She said angrily.

“Which cartoon?” He asked after a moment absorbing that astounding claim.

“My Little Pony.” Teagan answered as her mother gaped at the ex-soldier.

“Can’t say I’ve ever heard of it.” He looked Sun Hammer over. “Doesn’t look so little to me. He’s what, five feet at the shoulder? I’d guess he weighs over a thousand pounds too.”

“A got big bones, so A dae.” Sun Hammer said. “Maist ponies be a wee bit smaller.”

“About the size of Shetland ponies.” Teagan added.

“That would explain the title.” He noted. “What’s this about a war?”

“Long story short, the ruling Princess of Equestria—who’s actually a goddess and raises the sun every day—got kidnapped. Her sister is raising the sun until we can get her back, but she’s barely able to do it, even with help. She might not be able to do it for much longer. If that happens—well, no more Equestria. Without Celestia there the Troll King will declare war against the ponies on top of everything else.”

“And you can do what, exactly?” Matt asked. His weathered face was expressionless.

“Stop the war. Trolls won’t fight me since I have Crush. It’s some kind of holy relic or something—it used to belong to the old troll king. Anyway, that will let the ponies concentrate on finding the Princess before it’s too late.”

“Politics.” Matt noted. “Good to see other species are as screwed up as we are. However, be aware politics are seldom as simple as you would like to think, Teelo. The Middle-East is a great example. I’m betting Equestria’s just as bad.”

“This laddie kens whit he’s aboot.” Sun Hammer said approvingly. “Mind you, trolls be semple an straight-forward. If a troll’s unhappy it be either shoutin’ or cloutin’. Always respected that aboot ‘em. Ye always ken where ye stand wi a troll.”

“Sounds safe enough.” Matt commented. “You’d be in the capital, well defended, among royalty. I take it ponies are civilized?”

“Very.” Teagan said. “More than us.”

“So why are you so upset, Elaine?”

“She didn’t tell you they want her to help rescue the princess from whatever kidnapped her.” Elaine snapped.

“Ah. Is that true, Squirt?” He asked, watching her calmly. Teagan swallowed. She knew that mild look.

“Yes, it is.” She said firmly. “Princess Celestia probably saved my life—twice. She even kept me from murdering someone with Crush. Oh, and some of my friends that could die? They saved my life too. So I owe them.”

“Last time you went there it messed up your head a little.” Matt noted. “You still haven’t recovered. You go back again it will get worse. Trust me.”

“I know. But would that stop you?”

He shrugged. “No. But I’m not you. I was a Green Beret for twenty years, Teelo. I’m all kinds of crazy.”

“Come with me.” She blurted. He didn’t say anything, thinking about it.

“Matt! War is no place for a 16 year old girl!” Elaine said. “Tell her!”

“Already did.” Matt replied. “Months ago. She barely made the bathroom in time.”

“What?” Her father asked blankly.

Matt looked over at him. “I told her about the time my squad came into a village the Taliban had—punished—three days before. A couple of the children were still alive. Barely. Nobody else was.”

Sun Hammer suddenly looked very serious. Teagan refused to remember that particular story; it still made her sick to think about. Her parents didn’t say anything, too shocked by the revelation.

“Equestria sounds interesting. How long till you leave?” Matt asked.

Teelo checked her watch.

“About five and a half hours. You want to come too?” She asked hopefully.

“Thinking about it. Tell me about last time.”

“This crazy demon-possessed monster named Discord somehow sent a tulpa to my room and yanked me into Equestria. He wanted to free himself from being a statue and used me to bring his tulpa to the statue, which freed him. It was all magic stuff and I still don’t understand it. Anyway, he gets free and tries to kill Princess Celestia only I distract him long enough for her to teleport away, and then I made a wager with him. My friends and I go to this graveyard several hours north of the capital where we fight him. After a nasty fight I managed to break his arm with Crush, and then break his neck. I was about to bash his skull in when the Princess teleports in and stops me. She frees the ponies then they use this magical artifact and turn him back to stone. I spend the next two weeks healing my feet, and then came back home.”

“Hmm. Pretty typical for a cartoon. You do realize in this world you’d be dead a half-dozen times over if you pulled a stunt like that?”

“Why do you think I’m always on edge?” Teagan asked.

“So this is the second time in a year the Princess was targeted?” Matt asked. “Does that happen a lot?”

“It dinnae.” Sun Hammer said firmly. “The last time was twelve years ago now, the auld Troll King. But laik A said, that was semple. The Troll King were unhappy cause we was tresspassin’ a wee bit. Twere nae dark business laik today.”

“What about this Discord?”

Sun Hammer snorted. “That were semple too, lest ways fer the whit way. Discord wanted tae be free. Nightmare tricked him and turned him from daft tae evil when it possessed him.”

“So could this Nightmare be behind the kidnapping?”

“Nae. The Chief Horn his ain self says the spell used were nae cast by any creature he kens. Demons hae tae use their host’s magic.”

“Besides, Princess Celestia killed Nightmare. I saw it die.” Teagan said.

“So what you’re saying is you have no idea who took the Princess, why she was taken, or if she’s still alive.” Matt said. “You have no idea where to look for her. That about sum it up?”

“Aye.” Sun Hammer nodded. “An wi nae Teelo we’d be neck deep in trolls tae boot.”

“Sounds like you need a detective more than a soldier Teelo.” Matt commented. “I was never good at sniffing out bad guys, I left that to Bone.”

“Bone?” She asked.

“Yeah. The squad leader. Had a nose for trouble.”

“Do I dare ask why you call him Bone?” Teagan inquired.

“No.” Matt said with a grin. “You don’t want to do that.”

“All righty then. Back to the problem at hand. I called that pair of detectives that handled my abduction case. I doubt they’ll come with me, but they might be able to recommend somebody who will.

“Really?” Matt asked doubtfully. “Not everybody is as easy going as I am toward the impossible, Squirt. Can’t see the KCPD being ok with talking ponies and magical princesses.”

“Well, the two of them know about Equestria. I showed them Crush.” Teagan said. “That’s why they wrote up my abduction as a runaway instead.”

“That must have been a fun conversation.” He noted. “So aside from the fact everyone there is a pony what’s Equestria like?”

“Well, let’s see. First it’s really colorful. Every single pony looks like they got in dipped in rainbow paint. They’re really kind of garish, no offense Sun Hammer.”

“Nane taken.” The pony replied. “Some ponies got double-helpin’s o’ vivid, tis nae lie.”

“What about their society? Technology level? Customs? Who are their enemies? I take it the place is a monarchy, so what about other countries?”

“Jeez Matt, I don’t know! Um, I know they have trains, but no cars, and no airplanes. Pinkie has a rocket launcher but I don’t think anybody else does, Princess Celestia was really surprised to see it.”

“Aye! I been meanin’ tae see if old Doc Whooves can whip up more o’ them things.” Sun Hammer interjected. “Might come in handy.”

“You just want more weapons for your collection.” Teagan retorted. “What else? Oh, yeah, electricity isn’t real common, but there are some crazy mad-science kind of machines here and there. Magic is really common. Oh, they don’t have guns. From what I saw in the armory they use medieval kinds of weapons, clubs, crossbows, that kind of stuff. Only the ponies haven’t really had a war in like a thousand years.”

“Then why haven’t their neighbors wiped them out?” Matt asked. “There’s more to them than meets the eye or they wouldn’t still be around.”

“Ponies can fecht, so we can.” Sun Hammer said in annoyance. “We nae be helpless bairns.”

“You’re right about that!” Teagan laughed. “Don’t piss off the ponies! They’re warm and friendly but if you try to hurt them they will knock you into next week.”

“Aye.” Sun Hammer said contentedly.

“Sun Hammer, on the other hand, is just plain crazy.” Teagan said, laying her hand on his neck affectionately. “The first time I laid eyes on him he was threatening to attack Princess Luna.”

“Well, hou wis A tae ken it were the Princess and not some trick o’ Discord’s?” He asked as though it were just common sense. “Princess Celestia popped in all bluidy an cut up, sayin’ how Discord had come back tae life. Made me nervous, so it did. Him throwin’ lightning an aw.”

“Lightning?” Elaine exclaimed. “Teagan! You never said he could throw lightning! What else could he do?” She glared at her daughter.

“Um, pretty much anything he wanted?” She answered, knowing it was the wrong thing to say. “The last time he got out he made it rain chocolate milk. He’s a god, Mom. Lord of Chaos, he said.”

“Sounds like a barrel of laughs.” Matt said sarcastically.

She shrugged. “He likes to play games. Wants to give his opponents a fair fight, so it’s more interesting for him. Without Nightmare he could be dangerous I guess, but the ponies defeated him. With Nightmare possessing him he turned into Freddy Krueger.”

“And you fought him? Teagan, what were you thinking?” Her mother asked her.

“I really didn’t have much choice, now did I?” Teagan retorted, starting to get angry again. “He didn’t give me any say in the matter, Mom! I was the one who freed him! All right? It was my fault he got out! He played me for a fool. And Fluttershy was nearly tortured to death because of it!”

There was a shocked silence following her outburst. Sun Hammer was the first to speak.

“Ye daft quine.” He said softly. “That’s nae true. Discord pulled the wool o’er aw wir eyes, so he did. Even the Princess her ain self were fooled. Ye’re nae tae blame, Teelo. Besides, ye set it right, so ye did.”

“You can’t blame yourself when the enemy manages to trick you, Teelo.” Matt said sternly. “You don’t blame yourself when I knock you flat on your back, now do you?”

“That’s different.” She said. “He was hiding in my bunny slippers, Matt! Twilight told me they were magical, I felt him put them on my hands the night he abducted me! I should have known something was up. When I ran away from that manticore they stayed on my feet! I was sprinting. I knew he’d enchanted them. I should have let Angel chew them to pieces!”

“Manticore?” Her father asked quietly. “Like a big lion, pumpkin?”

“Yeah.” She admitted. Her mother refused to look at her, choosing to glare at the floor instead.

“It was about the size of Sun Hammer. Bat wings and a scorpion’s tail. I walked in while it was eating a deer.” She shuddered. “Not pleasant. I backed away like you told me and didn’t run till I was out of sight.”

“Now all this place needs is a fire breathing dragon.” Matt said, chuckling.

“Met one of those too. Twilight’s assistant. She treats him like her little brother. He’s about three feet tall. Really nice guy—who can breathe a twenty-foot plume of fire. Rarity tells me dragons can grow up to be a hundred feet long.”

“Any other monsters, Teagan?” Elaine asked bitterly.

“Um, yeah. Lots.” She admitted reluctantly. “Just because it’s a cartoon doesn’t mean its all sunshine and rainbows. I actually went online and watched all the episodes when I got back. Knowing what I know now puts them in a whole new light.”

“So? What other monsters, Teagan?” Elaine demanded.

“Does it matter, Mom? Yes, Equestria’s dangerous, all right? I get it! But my friends are going to die if I don’t go back! So I am going back!” She glared at her mother, who couldn’t meet her eyes.

“I could really use your help, Matt.” Teagan said more quietly to her instructor.

“All right, I’m in.” He said, pulling out his phone. “Just let me call Jerry so he’ll know I’ve gotta go away for a while. Then I’ll go get my kit. I’ll be back before Bifröst opens again.”

“The Bridge of Days.” Teagan corrected him. He shrugged, standing up.

“Either way it’s a rainbow bridge.” He grinned. “Elaine, I can’t stop her—and I really don’t think I should. But at least I’ll be there to watch her back.”

“Thank you.” She said, surprising Teagan. “I don’t want her to go at all, but having a Green Beret along at least means she might have a chance of coming back. Keep her safe, Matt. Please.”

“I’ll do my best, Elaine. I’d hate to lose all the time I’ve invested training Squirt.”

“Squirt. A laik that.” Sun Hammer chuckled. “She be a long drink o’ water, ye ken. Tho it seems laik ye grow ‘em tall round here.”

“They think I’m tall.” Teagan giggled, relaxing now that her mother had become resigned to the idea of her going.

That’s when the door bell rang again.

Cold Case

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In which our Heroine assuages a curiosity of long standing, and thereby recruits an ally.

“That will be the detectives.” Teagan said. “Sun Hammer, they’re not going to react nearly as calmly as Matt did. Please don’t do anything to spook them, ok?”

“Will ye listen tae the lassie nou?” He snorted. “She hae nae faith in me! Like a wee mousie, lass. Ye hae me word.”

Matt made his call as Teagan went to let in the detectives.

“Hi.” She said to the man and woman at the door. “Come in, detectives. Thank you for coming, I really appreciate it.”

“It’s Christmas, Miss O’Gara.” Detective Long said unsmilingly. “You’d better have a very good reason for dragging us out here.”

“I do. Sun Hammer, a pony, is in the living room right now. I’m going to let him tell you why he’s here, because you won’t believe me if I told you. Um, he’s a little bit—touchy—so if you annoy him he’ll be all kinds of sarcastic.”

“A sarcastic pony.” Detective Nickels snorted. “Right. What’s it going to do, sulk at me? I actually watched an episode of that damned cartoon, Miss O’Gara.”

“Um, Sun Hammer’s not your typical pony, Detective. He’s a lot bigger, a lot more aggressive, and he’s Princess Celestia’s Champion of the Sun. They never showed him in the cartoon.” Teagan warned him.

“Is he dangerous?” Detective Long asked, eyes narrowing.

“Not if you don’t provoke him.” Teagan said. “He’s promised to be on his best behavior but please, please don’t ask him to do more than one or two stupid tricks to prove he’s a person, all right? Especially don’t ask him to count!”

“We’re always professional, Miss O’Gara.” Detective Nickels assured her.

“All right then, this way.” Teagan led them to the living room. Matt and Sun Hammer were discussing something, it sounded like politics from the brief exchange she caught.

“That’s a horse.” Detective Nickels said in spite of himself, staring at the scarred roan pony.

“Nae, A just be big boned, ye ken. Name’s Sun Hammer. Be ye the investigators?” Sun Hammer asked, breaking off his conversation with Matt.

Detective Nickels paused, but recovered nicely. Detective Long was staring, face expressionless.

“Yes, we are. I’m Detective John Nickels. This is my partner Detective Sarah Long. You’re from Equestria, I take it?”

“Aye. An A need yer help, so A dae. The Princess hae been ponynapped.”

Detective Long finally spoke.

“This occurred in Equestria?”

“Aye.” Sun Hammer nodded.

“Sir, Equestria is not in our jurisdiction. I’m not sure what you’d like us to do.” Detective Nickels said. “My condolences on her abduction, but surely your own authorities can handle the matter?”

“Nae. The Horns an the Royal Guard dinnae hae a clue, tis why Twilight Sparkle thought o’ Teelo. The lass told us about the way ye investigate crimes in your world. Impressed Princess Luna, so Teelo did, when thay was tryin’ tae figure whit Discord were aboot.”

“The ponies haven’t had any serious crimes in almost a thousand years.” Teagan explained. “So they don’t have any experience dealing with it.”

“Must be nice.” Detective Long commented, in spite of herself. Teagan was actually impressed how well the detectives were handling the situation. Of course they already knew about Equestria, but knowing about it and actually meeting Sun Hammer were very different things…

“We were hoping you could either give us some advice or recommend a private investigator that could go to Equestria and help in the investigation. Maybe training some of the Horns.” Teelo said. “I’m sure Princess Luna will be very generous to anyone willing to help.”

“Hmm. Obviously we can’t help you directly, Miss O’Gara. It’s not our jurisdiction and it would be illegal for us to moonlight. But I know someone who might be able to help you—and wouldn’t have a problem with working for ponies.”

“That be gladsome news, so it be!” Sun Hammer said happily.

“Not Evelyn Lewis.” Detective Long objected.

“This is right up her alley, Sarah. Besides, she’s forever riding our coattails, looking to pick up clients.”

“She’s a loon, John.” Detective Long objected.

“Tracking down a kidnapped magical princess, who just happens to be a pony?” He asked drily.

“A point.” The female detective admitted reluctantly.

“Can you call her now? We’re on something of a tight schedule.” Teagan said apologetically. “We need to leave for Equestria in about five hours.”

“Why the hurry?” Detective Nickels asked curiously.

“That’s when Subtle Dancer will open the bridge.” Teagan said. “He can’t keep it open very long, so we’ve got to be ready to jump when it opens. Can you call her please?”

“All right.” He allowed himself a tiny smile. “I’m going to enjoy letting someone else deal with this craziness.”

He took out his cell phone, looked up the number, then dialed.

“Miss Lewis? This is Detective John Nickels. I think I may have found a new client for you…”

The conversation lasted a couple of minutes, and ended with Detective Nickels giving her Teagan’s address and warning her that the investigation would probably take her out of the city. The girl grinned, contemplating how deceptive that completely true statement actually was.

He handed Teagan the phone and let her talk to the PI directly.

“Miss O’Gara? This is Evelyn Lewis. I understand you need my services?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Teagan said. “A friend of mine has been abducted. She’s actually kind of a big wheel in her own country, and her sister would be willing to pay you quite well to get her back.”

“I don’t have a passport, Miss O’Gara, and the only foreign language I speak is French—and not very fluently.” The PI’s voice was regretful.

“That won’t be a problem, Miss Lewis.” Teagan said, rolling her eyes. “You’ll be traveling via diplomatic transport both ways. They speak English there.”

“May I ask what country?”

“No, I’m sorry.” Teagan said. “Once we speak face to face you’ll be given the details, but this is a very sensitive issue. I know this sounds shady but Detective Nickels will vouch for me. This isn’t a prank and it isn’t illegal. But it is urgent, and it has to be kept confidential. My friend’s life could depend on it. If you do accept the case you’ll have to be ready to leave in about five hours.”

“How long will I be gone?” The PI asked warily.

“Until my friend is recovered—or we find out she can’t be.” Teagan’s voice was grim.

“It’s going to be expensive.” The PI warned. “Can your friend’s sister afford a possible six-figure bill?”

“Yes.” Teagan said with absolute certainty. “Believe me when I say money is not an object. The only thing that matters is getting her back. My friend and her sister are very rich, Miss Lewis.”

“It’s always about the money, isn’t it?” The voice on the other end of the phone said with a sigh. “I’m not promising to take your case, Miss O’Gara. But I’ll come and talk about it. If I accept I’ll be ready to travel as well.”

“If I were you I’d bring winter clothes meant for rough country, with one or two dresses for formal functions.”

“Formal functions?” The PI asked, surprised. “Like what?”

“You may have to interact with aristocrats, Miss Lewis. Can you do that?”

“What, you mean like barons and dukes? Those kind of aristocrats?” The PI sounded surprised.

“Exactly.”

“I’m not exactly used to working in high society, Miss O’Gara. Why me? Especially on Christmas day?”

“Because Detective Nickels recommended you, and we don’t have time to be choosy.” Teagan said. “We need an investigator who can think on her feet, adapt to strange situations, and knows how to find out things people may not want to tell her. Detective Nickels said this case would be right up your alley. Was he wrong?”

“I’m very good at what I do, Miss O’Gara.” The woman said coolly.

“Good. Then how long will it take you to get here?” Teagan asked.

“Give me an hour.” She said.

“We’ll expect you, Miss Lewis. Our departure window is incredibly narrow. We’ll have to leave with or without you.”

“I’ll be there.” She said. “Can I speak to Detective Nickels again?”

Teagan handed the phone back.

He listened for a minute or two.

“Miss O’Gara is not involved in anything illegal, to my knowledge, Miss Lewis. Furthermore, if this was a joke I wouldn’t have called you. The circumstances are—extraordinary, but then don’t you specialize in extraordinary cases?”

He listened.

“I’ve done what I can so I’m going home.” He said. “It’s Christmas, and my wife has dinner waiting. Good luck, Miss Lewis. You’re going to need it.”

He hung up.

“You’re her problem now, kid.” He said. “Sun Hammer, it was—fascinating—to meet you. I hope you find your princess, I really do. I wish I could do more to help.”

“A thank ye, Detective.” Sun Hammer said gravely. “Ye told us about this private investigator. A ne’er heard the laik! Dae ye hae so muckle trouble there be a regular job tae handle it?”

“Unfortunately.” He said. “Sounds like ponies are more law-abiding than humans.”

“Jalouse ye hae the richt o’ it.” Sun Hammer said, nodding. “Teelo an me, we’re nae so hide-bound as most ponies, but fer most pony folk life ain’t so chancy.”

Matt left when the detectives did, promising to be back after he picked up his gear.

That left the four of them staring at each other uncomfortably.

“Tell me about Equestria, Sun Hammer.” Teagan’s mother commanded quietly. “I have to know. Is it really that dangerous?”

The (mostly) calm and civil conversation that followed lasted another hour, interrupted by the doorbell.

I could really learn to hate that doorbell, Teagan thought to herself.

“Guess that’s the PI.” She said, rising.

Freak Out

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In which we learn that private investigators have strange hobbies and see Sun Hammer practice the gentle art of persuasion.

When Teagan opened the door she found a woman in her mid to late twenties standing at the door. She was dressed in a gray coat over what looked like a business suit. She had short brown hair and a pleasant expression.

“I’m here to see Teagan O’Gara.” The woman said.

“That’s me. You’re Evelyn Lewis?” Teagan asked. The woman nodded.

“May I come in?” She asked.

“Of course.” Teagan let her come in and closed the door against the bitter cold outside.

“You understand that everything you’re about to see and hear must be kept completely confidential?” Teagan asked, turning serious. “I doubt anyone would believe you but I have to be very careful.”

“I’m bonded with the city, Miss O’Gara. “In the state of Kansas the law requires me to keep all client information confidential.” She said calmly. “Don’t worry. I’ve been a private investigator for seven years. I’m discreet and professional.”

“That’s good to know. How well do you handle surprises, Miss Lewis?”

The woman shrugged. “Nothing in my business is ever predictable, Miss O’Gara. It comes with the territory.”

“Then come this way, please.” Teagan said, taking the woman’s coat and leading her into the living room.

“Ok, that’s different.” She said, staring at Sun Hammer. “Do you ordinarily keep a horse in your living room?”

“A be a pony.” Sun Hammer said with exaggerated patience. “Nae a horse. Cannae humans tell the difference?” He snorted.

“It talked!” The PI stared, flabbergasted. “Horses don’t talk!”

“Um, he’s a pony.” Teagan corrected gently. “And he actually talks quite a bit. Miss Lewis, may I introduce Sun Hammer, Keeper of the Armory, Champion of the Sun and Hero to the Crown. Sun Hammer, this is the private investigator, Evelyn Lewis.”

“Pleased tae meet ye!” Sun Hammer said, smiling. Teagan gave the PI points for not blanching. Sun Hammer’s grin was a fearsome thing if you weren’t expecting it.

“H-hello Sun Hammer.”

“Sun Hammer is your client, Miss Lewis.” Teagan said, trying her best not to enjoy the woman’s discomfort.

“Nae, lassie.” Sun Hammer objected. “The Princess be the client. A’m just her humble servant.”

“Humble.” Teagan laughed. “That will be the day! But all right, he represents your client, Miss Lewis.”

“You said your friend was abducted, Miss O’Gara?” The woman asked, keeping a wary eye on the massive pony.

“That’s right. Her name is Princess Celestia.” Teagan answered.

“Princess Celestia?” The woman’s eyes hardened. “Do you take me for a fool, Miss O’Gara? I’m gonna find John Nickels and chew him up and spit him out! Damn that man and his practical jokes!”

“As for my client.” She gave Sun Hammer a contemptuous look. “Very funny! A ventriloquist’s trick, though I have to give you credit, the lip synching was right out of a special effects studio. How’d you manage that?”

“Whit blether be this?” Sun Hammer demanded, stepping forward in annoyance. “A need yer help, Investigator Evelyn Lewis. Equestria faces daith unless we find the Princess. Ye dinnae ken? E’er livin’ thing! Death by ice, so it be! Nae mair sun, ever again! Teelo, tell her!”

“Equestria. Yeah, right. You need to talk to Lauren Faust, not me!” She snapped at Sun Hammer. “Wait, what am I doing?” She turned her attention to Teelo. “Good-bye Miss O’Gara. You’ll be getting my bill.”

She grabbed her coat and turned to stalk out of the room, only to hear thudding hooves behind her. She squawked in surprise as she felt herself be lifted in the air by her belt and tossed unceremoniously into the corner where the horse had been standing.

“Ow!” She started to scramble to her feet only to find the horse’s muzzle thrust in her face. She yelped and backed in the corner.

“Whit be yer problem, ye daft besom!” Sun Hammer shouted. “Ye no more hear the Princess’s name afore ye be headin’ for the door!”

“This is assault.” She said with that special kind of calmness one uses with crazy people and dangerous animals. Her hand carefully slid into her jacket. “A joke is one thing but you’ve gone over the line, whoever you are.”

“Miss Lewis, draw your weapon and he might kill you. And if he doesn’t I will.” Teagan said in a low serious tone that drew the PI’s attention. “Sun Hammer is a pony without a lot to lose. He’s not overly stable at the best of times and right now a lot of our friends are going to die unless we get Princess Celestia back. This is not a joke. Equestria is a real place and My Little Ponies is not just a cartoon. I’ve been there. Sun Hammer was born there. Now will you show me a little of that famous adaptability, or do you just talk the talk and not walk the walk?”

“Teagan Laoise O’Gara! That’s enough!” Elaine shouted angrily. “Sun Hammer, let her up this instant!”

“No.” Teagan said with a quiet intensity that worried the PI. “She’s going to sit there until she knows we’re not joking and we’re not crazy.”

“Oh, trust me. I know you’re not joking.” Evelyn said bringing her very empty hand back into view. “I’m not convinced you aren’t crazy. I’ve never heard of anyone training an attack horse before, Miss O’Gara. Very innovative.”

“Po-ny.” Sun Hammer hissed very distinctly, inches from her face. He laid back his ears and bared his teeth. “A am nae a horse, A am a pony. Whit be wrong wi ye? Ye’re staring me in the face and ye still say A’m a horse? Dinnae ye hear me talkin’? Dinnae ye see me, ye blind besom? Teagan thinks ye can help us? Yer as blind as a bat and twice as useless!”

“Not the way to win friends and influence people, Sun Hammer.” Her father said quietly. “Would you please back away and let her up? My apologies, Miss Lewis. My daughter and her friend are under a lot of stress right now. They’re telling the truth.”

“Ye be the Clan head.” Sun Hammer said, stepping back reluctantly. “A may have spoke in haste, Evelyn Lewis. But aw A love is aboot tae die. Cannae ye unnerstand?”

The PI stayed in the corner. She’d seen his mouth moving, she’d smelled his breath as he shouted at her.

“You really can talk.” She said wonderingly.

“Aye.” Sun Hammer stared at her doubtfully. “Cannae ye?”

“Let’s say for the sake of argument I believe you. Are you telling me Princess Celestia and Rainbow Dash and all the other cartoon characters are real? That a Saturday morning cartoon is actually about a real place? Rarity really did throw cake all over Prince Blueblood at the Gala? Pinkie Pie really can predict the future? Twilight really did defeat an Ursa Minor?”

“You seem to know an awful lot about Equestria.” Teagan said, eyeing the investigator strangely. The woman shrugged.

“I’m a pegasister, Miss O’Gara. I met Lauren Faust at a convention. That’s why I’m having such a hard time believing you.”

“Don’t believe me then.” Teagan said with a half smile. “But isn’t a half-ton of pony getting in your face pretty convincing?”

“You have a point.” Evelyn admitted, watching Sun Hammer. “You weren’t kidding about surprises, were you?”

“Nope. We need your help. Princess Celestia’s been abducted by an unknown enemy, one the head of the Horns has never heard of.”

“Horns?” The PI’s eyebrows contracted in puzzlement. “Never heard of them.”

“They’re kind of the pony version of CSI.” Teagan explained. “Haven’t shown up in the show yet. Anyway, whoever this new enemy is they managed to abduct Celestia and not alert the guards outside. We’re probably looking at something as powerful as Discord.”

“And you want me to find her? No offense, Miss O’Gara but that’s a pretty tall order! Celestia’s the most powerful wizard in Equestria, right? Something that could take her out wouldn’t even have to break a sweat dealing with me.”

“Us.” Teagan corrected. “I’m going back too. I helped defeat Discord a year ago when he hatched a plot with Nightmare to free himself. Nightmare Discord.” She shuddered. “If I could do that with just the Mane 6, then you, me, Sun Hammer, a Green Beret and Twilight and friends should be able to deal with whatever this is.”

“A Green Beret?” Evelyn asked, startled.

“Yeah, my Krav Maga instructor. He’s going with us. And then there’s Crush.” She went over to a chair and pulled out a nasty looking club of knobby gray iron.

“This is Crush. It’s a magical club created by a troll wizard. Crush is incredibly powerful, almost like Thor’s hammer. With all that on our side I’m thinking we’ve got a fighting chance. So, you in?”

“We’ll have Luna’s backing?” She asked. Teagan nodded.

“And the support of every single pony, and probably every intelligent creature on the planet.”

“Ok, I’m in. I can’t believe I’m actually going to Equestria! This is nuts.”

“Get your stuff. Sun Hammer tells me we’ll have about 30 seconds when the gate opens. You might want to change clothes. Did you bring hiking boots?”

“Hiking shoes, but yeah. You said a gate? Like a magic portal?”

“Right, the Bridge of Days.” Teagan said. “Matt called it Bifröst, it’s a rainbow bridge. Looks like a hole in the air.”

“How long do we have till it opens?” Evelyn asked.

“About four hours.” Teagan replied. “Do you have a weapon?”

“My pistol.” The PI replied, brushing back her jacket, revealing a small pistol under her arm.

“Not sure that’s going to do much.” Teagan said doubtfully. “Equestria’s got some pretty big monsters.”

“Won’t we be talking our way past them? I mean the ponies do fight but they try to negotiate with creatures first.” Evelyn objected. “At least in the cartoon.”

“Aye, so we dae.” Sun Hammer snorted. “Mind ye, some folk be just crabbit an need peerie sense kicked intae their heads, so thay daes.”

“I think I actually understood that.” The PI said, tilting her head. “Sound a lot like humans. So what’s the plan?”

“Well, Twilight thought having an investigator from our world would be helpful.” Teagan said. “Ponies don’t think like we do, they’re not used to thinking like a bad guy. Your job will probably be more a consulting role, working with the Horns and the Royal Guard instead of going around and asking questions. From what I gather nobody saw anything. She went to bed and when they went to wake her they found her chamber all messed up.”

“If the guards didn’t hear anything it means whatever took her did so by surprise. I’m amazed she didn’t put up a fight.” Evelyn mused.

“Laikly the Princess were poisoned in her sleep.” Sun Hammer said grimly. “Bit or stung, belike.”

“Nasty.” The PI commented. “She’s bigger than Sun Hammer, right? Must have been a powerful drug. We’re assuming she’s still alive, I hope?”

“Yeah. But we don’t know for sure.” Teagan said, feeling her anger stir. “We’re going to act on the assumption she’s still alive. The alternative is—well, she’s alive.”

“Aye.” Sun Hammer grunted.

The PI decided not to tell them the survival rate of kidnap victims in situations like this. Celestia was a goddess, after all. Bound to be hard to kill…

“Did they get a sample of the drug?” Evelyn asked.

“Aye, so they did.” Sun Hammer said. “They dinnae ken what it be, though. Ye ken poisons and such laik?”

“No.” Evelyn admitted. “Nothing forensic, just what I’ve picked up here and there. I doubt I’d recognize it. Well, I’d better get my stuff. Is there somewhere I can change, Miss O’Gara?”

“Call me Teelo.” Teagan said. “We’re gonna be together for a long time.”

“Then you can call me Evelyn.” The PI said, chuckling. “I never thought I’d be going to Equestria, of all places. I still can’t believe it.”

She retrieved her rucksack and was ready when Matt came back. He was dressed in fatigues, there was a massive pack on his back and he was carrying an oversized duffle bag. The front of his body bristled with pouches.

“Wow.” Teagan commented “I guess Green Berets are like Boy Scouts. What is all that stuff?”

“Supplies, basic field med kit, ammo clips, a knife or two, and basic gear.” He shrugged off the pack and unclipped the vest, setting it down with a solid thump.

Teelo eyed his collection warily.

“How much does all that weigh?” She asked in morbid curiosity.

“About a hundred pounds. I can’t get grenades or full combat clips so it cuts down the weight a little.” Matt said with a straight face.

“How can you still carry all that, Matt? Aren’t you old?” She asked tactlessly. He cuffed her lightly on the back of the head.

“I can still knock you down, Squirt and not raise a sweat.” He reminded her. “I’d hate to carry it for days on end but I can carry it for a few hours. If we don’t haul it across the bridge, we won’t have it. Where’s your gear?”

“Right here.” She said, lifting her backpack and dropping it again. “I have the kit you helped me make plus my clothes. The ponies can carry food for us, especially Pinkie Pie. She’s got magical saddle bags. They can even hold a bazooka. I wish I was kidding about the bazooka.”

“Handy. But if it isn’t on your body, Squirt, you might not be able to get to it when you need it. That kit’s only got one emergency meal. What are you going to do if you get separated from us?”

“Yell for help?” She asked sarcastically. “That’s why you’re coming along, isn’t it?”

“Always plan for the worst, little girl. That way you can make sure Murphy won’t give you a really bad day.” Matt scolded her. “What about water?”

“What about it? We’ll have chariots if we need to go a long way, and they have supplies packed in them too.”

“And who’s pulling them?” Matt asked patiently.

“A pair of pegasi.” She said.

“Who also need food and water?” Matt asked with raised eyebrows. “An army moves on its stomach, my girl. Always secure your supply lines. Or you might not live to regret it.”

He turned to Teagan’s mother.

“Elaine, can you pack a couple of bags of nuts and hard candy? Nothing perishable, but enough for a solid snack? Also, do you have bottled water? Teelo, you should pack at least one bottle, preferably two.”

“Yes, Matt.” She said with exaggerated patience. She went to the kitchen to help her mother gather supplies.

The rest of the time they spent just talking. When zero hour finally arrived it found the four of them on their feet. They didn’t know exactly when the Bridge would open, so the tension was pretty high.

Teagan was looking at it when it opened. There was a rippling in the air and a rapidly expanding hole with rainbow edges appeared. It rapidly grew until a seven foot opening stretched from floor to ceiling.

Sun Hammer roared and charged the opening, with Matt right behind him. Teagan started running, and Evelyn yelped and leaped after her. The Bridge shimmered under her feat for just a few steps, and then she burst into a dark forest clearing, lit by torches.

“That’s the lot, Subtle Dancer! Ye can close it up.” Sun Hammer said loudly. Teagan turned and watched the bridge collapse into a bright flash of light. Evelyn was grinning like a loon and staring at Subtle Dancer, who closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

“Celestia, preserve me!” He said, puffing. “Thank goodness I don’t have to do that again!”

Teelo took a deep breath of the pine-scented air. In spite of everything she could feel herself relaxing. It had been almost a year since she’d stood in this forest.

It was good to be back.

Step By Step

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In which a princess expresses her displeasure, a villain watches, a dragon searches, and Pinkie Pie frightens a soldier.

Celestia was not happy.

She’d been chipping away at the fountain for hours and had barely made a dent. The metaphorical ice seemed to fight back, refreezing almost as fast as she could chip it away. Worse, it felt as though the ice had crept down the source of her magic, as though the pipe that fed the fountain was freezing.

She was hungry and tired and dispirited and if she didn’t think of something soon she would never leave this icy tomb.

“Die whenever it suits you.” Celestia snarled to herself. “Well, Tišina it doesn’t suit me!”

She considered the pitiful pool of magic that was all that remained of her reservoir. There was barely enough to light her horn, much less teleport out of here—even if she knew where here was. A blind teleport would almost certainly be fatal—both to her and to everything a hundred miles around her if she materialized inside a solid object.

She couldn’t feel her link to the sun, either, and that frightened her since the link had been part of her for over a thousand years. She had forgotten what it was like not to have it. It was almost as if her horn had been torn out by the roots.

I can’t blast the ice, and I can’t chip it away, it grows back too fast. She thought, considering the problem. Then she paused.

It grows back! She thought excitedly. It’s not ice, it’s not poison, its alive like a plant or fungus. And that means...yes!

Taking a deep breath she mentally prepared herself for the most difficult magical feat of her millennium-long life.

All right Celestia, time to see just how good a magician you really are. Any unicorn could free themselves with enough raw power. Let’s see if you can do it with less magic than an earth pony is born with.

She went into a trance, slowing her heart, slowing her breathing, reaching deep for every precious drop of magic. Then she cast a miniscule spell that still cut dangerously into her meager reserve.

Her focus sharpened, her world expanded, magnifying her vision hundreds of times, until one tiny speck of ice loomed over her like a mountain. She peered intently into the depths of the ice mountain.

There you are. She felt a savage glee fill her as she found what she’d known had to be there. She studied Tišina’s true power—and her greatest weakness.

She spent a moment lost in admiration for the perfection she’d found, beautiful crystal circularity linked like a mesh, one circle linked to multiple others. This was why the ice wouldn’t melt. This was why her magic was freezing. Here were the chains binding Celestia’s power.

Reaching in delicately with her magic she twisted, and watched one circle shatter, releasing the trapped magic in a nano-flare of power.

That will work. She thought, refining her technique. She made a single delicate cut, using less than a third the power shattering the circle had taken. This time the circle didn’t shatter, but instead sent out a blazing line of power that cut through three other rings, which then sent out their own cutting magic. The mesh of linked circles rapidly disintegrated.

Before she could blink the mountainous ice speck vanished. She hastily captured the resulting micro surge of power. It was enough to recoup the cost of her focus spell.

Confident now she started melting the ice that blocked the fountain’s flow.

ooOoo

“Hey, Pinkie Pie! Have you seen Twilight?” Spike asked the hyperactive pony as she trotted by. “She wasn’t home when I got up this morning.”

“Gosh, Spike, I haven’t! Did you look under the doormat?” Pinkie replied with a smile.

“Uh, no. Why would I—” Spike started to say.

“Sorry, Spike! Gotta trot! My twitches are telling me company’s coming!” And Pinkie streaked away.

Spike blinked a couple of times, and then sighed. He’d been looking for the purple unicorn all day. Nobody had seen her. He was starting to get worried. It wasn’t like her to disappear without leaving him a note. In fact he couldn’t remember her ever not leaving a note.

A glitter high in the twilight air caught his eye. Squinting, he saw what looked like half a dozen pegasi-drawn chariots coming toward town from the direction of the Everfree Forest. They were still too far away to make out any details, but he’d seen enough chariots to recognize the V-shaped pattern. He wouldn’t have been able to see them at all, except they were flying high enough to catch the last rays of the sun that had set a half hour ago in Ponyville.

They were several minutes from landing. He wondered if it had anything to do with Twilight’s disappearance.

“Company, huh?” He murmured, watching the chariot flight.

ooOoo

Tišina wasn’t paying attention to the alicorn she’d left to die. She was much more interested in the new pair that had managed to raise the sun somehow. These new sinners against nature were much less powerful than the first had been, so she thought it would not be difficult to deal with them. She spent the entire day studying the pair, watching as alert unicorn guards prowled the chamber the two slept in, preventing an opportunity to create a portal and sting them.

It appeared the creatures had somehow discovered the weakness of her portal and were now on guard. At least the unicorns were.

No matter. Sooner or later they would make a mistake and that would be the end of them. Tišina could wait. She had all eternity, after all…

Idly she turned her attention to some of the other places the sinners congregated. If she remembered correctly these sinners were very concerned for their fellow creatures, especially their young…

She considered the other two breeds of sinner. The pegasi were too flighty, she didn’t care to invest the effort a portal entailed, only to have her target get up and fly around for no discernible reason. That left the earth ponies, surely the most vulnerable. She started watching, seeing which targets would be easiest to strike and cause the most turmoil amongst the sinners. A newborn, perhaps. Or one of the females. She vaguely remembered females were always the weaker gender among the mammals. She’d never bothered to pay much attention to them, they had always been an insignificant threat compared to her beloved enemy.

Tišina kept watch and awaited her opportunity. It would come.

It always did.

ooOoo

Teagan and Evelyn shared one chariot, while Matt and his heavy load had a chariot to themselves. Sun Hammer had his own special chariot pulled by four pegasi, since he weighed as much as three ordinary ponies.

They were headed to Ponyville where they planned to pick up the rest of the Mane 6 before flying on to Canterlot. Teagan had discovered having the resources of an entire government at your disposal vaguely disturbing. For Matt, having been in the Special Forces, it was a simply a matter of course.

She kept thinking of the old adage. To whom much is given much is expected. Subtle Dancer, the Chief of the Horns had looked at Evelyn like she was the answer to his prayers. Worse, he seemed to assume Teagan would be leading the rescue effort!

That was Twilight Sparkle’s job, surely? She was the planner!

“I hate flying.” Evelyn commented, gripping a hoof ring like grim death. “And I’m beginning to think Subtle Dancer is expecting me to just pull Celestia out of my pocket.”

“Better get in the habit of calling her Princess Celestia. They’re pretty sensitive about that.” Teagan warned her.

“Good to know.” Evelyn said, trying not to look outside the chariot. “How much further is it?”

Teagan risked a glance over the cab’s rim.

“Another couple of minutes.” She told the nervous woman. Truth to tell Teagan wasn’t that comfortable with the open cars either. She kept a firm grip on her own ring, just in case.

“I mean I know the ponies are all nicey-nice but surely they’ve got some experience with violent crime?” Evelyn asked.

“You’re talking about a race of ponies.” Teagan pointed out. “Horses get along better in groups than people do. For one thing they aren’t meat eaters like us. And not nearly as aggressive.”

“Ha! Sun Hammer is pretty damn aggressive if you ask me.” The PI objected.

“Sun Hammer isn’t—normal.” Teagan admitted reluctantly. “I don’t think any of the other ponies are that violent, not even the Royal Guard. But you have to remember he’s been isolated from pony society since he killed the Troll King. They shun him. It’s been years since anyone but the princesses associated with him.”

“I can see why.” The woman answered drily. “He’s not exactly suave, is he?”

“No. But he’s my friend, Evelyn. And a good pony to have in a tight spot.”

“Now that I believe.” The PI nodded. “Hey, are we going down?” Teagan risked another quick peek over the rim.

“Yep, welcome to Ponyville.” Teagan announced. In under a minute the wheels were rumbling through the grass and the vehicle was slowing.

The two gratefully scrambled out of the small chariot, glad to stretch their legs on terra firma. Matt hopped out of his chariot cheerfully.

“That was fun!” He said, grinning. “Never thought I’d ever get to ride in a pegasi-drawn chariot! Worth the whole trip!”

“Yes, well I’d rather keep my feet on the ground, thank you very much.” Evelyn said with a grimace. “Fast and convenient they may be, but murder on my nerves.”

“Afraid of heights?” Matt asked, still radiating good cheer.

“Heights don’t bother me.” Evelyn said with a straight face. “It’s the sudden stop at the bottom I have problems with.”

“Ah. So now what?” He turned to Sun Hammer.

“A dinnae ken. Teelo, what’s yer plan?”

“Huh? I’m not in charge! Subtle Dancer is.”

“Actually, Lady Teagan, Princes Luna specifically directed me to follow your orders until we return to the castle.” Subtle Dancer said. “But if you want my advice I’d say send some of the pegasi to find Twilight’s friends so we can be on our way.”

“Sounds good to me.” Teagan nodded. “Can you get them to do that, Subtle Dancer? I’d feel kind of weird ordering them around.”

The unicorn nodded and started giving orders. From the snap of his voice and the way the pegasi scattered it was clear Subtle Dancer was used to command.

Pinkie Pie was the first to arrive, stopping in front of Evelyn and standing very still as she stared with wide eyes.

“Hello Pinkie.” The PI said, grinning widely. Pinkie Pie gasped and nearly teleported in her rush to stand in front of Matt.

“Oh, my gosh! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” She squeed. “Not one new pony in town, two new ponies! Well, not ponies but you know what I mean. Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie. You two look a lot like my friend Teelo, are you from the same place she is?”

“Over here, Pinkie.” Teagan said, laughing. She couldn’t believe how good it felt to see the hyperactive sugar-addict.

“TEELO!” Pinkie tore over to her and threw her forelegs over Teagan’s shoulders, nearly knocking the girl down. “This calls for a Welcome Home party, and a Welcome To Ponyville party all rolled into one! I’m so happy to see you! I was so sad when you left I didn’t eat any cupcakes for a whole hour.”

“Wow. A whole hour, huh?” Teagan replied. “It’s good to see you again, Pinkie.”

“Oh my gosh! I have to get ready!” She turned and if Teagan hadn’t literally tackled the pink pony she would have galloped off.

“Wow, is this a greeting where you’re from Teelo? It’s fun!” Pinkie giggled as the two of them sorted out limbs and managed to separate themselves.

“No, Pinkie you have to come with us.” Teagan said, still grinning. “We’re going to Canterlot to see Princess Luna and Twilight.”

“Oh! Spike was looking for Twilight a few minutes ago. Why is she in Canterlot? He said she didn’t even leave him a note!”

“Things are pretty bad, Pinkie. Princess Celestia’s been kidnapped.”

“Silly! The Princess isn’t a goat! She’s an alicorn. Everypony knows that!” Pinkie giggled. “So she’s been alinapped. Wait, what? The Princess is missing? Somepony took her? How could they take her? She’s the Princess! Was it that big old Meanie Discord? I’ll bet it was! Just let me get Berry Fudge Gumball and I’ll give him such a headache he’ll wish he never messed with Princess Celestia while Pinkamena Diane Pie was around!”

“Who’s Berry Fudge Gumball, Pinkie?” Teagan asked curiously. “Is that your sister?”

“No, Silly. She’s Little Pinkie’s sister.”

Teagan felt ice run down her spine.

“Little Pinkie? You mean your rocket launcher? I thought Discord destroyed it?”

“He did.” She gave one heartbroken sniff. “That lightning bolt was too much for her. She bravely gave her all to save Equestria.”

Suddenly the frown turned upside down and Pinkie was grinning.

“But then Doctor Hooves made a bigger, better version. Berry Fudge Gumball.” Pinkie’s eyes got really dreamy.

“You should see her, Teelo. Bright red and deep brown and she’s got a humongous pair—of double barrels! She doesn’t shoot little rocks.” Pinkie chuckled while her eyes gleamed.

“Does it still fit in your saddlebags?” Teagan asked faintly, suddenly remembering a certain party where the guests included a pile of rocks, a turnip and a bag of flour…

“Barely!” Pinkie said cheerfully.

“Oh, good.” Teagan traded a look with Evelyn, who suddenly got wide eyes.

“Pinkie, it doesn’t shoot cupcakes does it?” Evelyn asked carefully. Matt looked between them, obviously clueless as to why the two were acting strangely.

“Nope!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully. “Dr. Whooves tells me it’s something called tamanite? tangerjite? taggerbite?”

“Tannerite?” Matt asked, grinning.

“That’s it! That’s it!” Pinkie said excitedly.

“Holy crap.” He stared at her, appalled. He’d been joking.

“What’s tannerite?” Teagan asked, somewhat alarmed at his reaction.

“Binary explosive. Powerful binary explosive.” He said. “Pinkie, how much tannerite is in each rocket?”

“I told you, Silly. It doesn’t shoot little rocks.” She said, shaking her head. “About half a pound. Each.”

“And you said it has four barrels?” Matt asked carefully.

“Uh huh.” Pinkie nodded, smiling. “Four times the fun! They make a really loud bang. Dr. Whooves told me never to shoot at anything too close.”

“I’ll bet he did.” Matt said, turning very serious. “Pinkie, promise me something, will you?”

“Sure.” She said cheerfully.

“Don’t shoot at anything unless I tell you its ok, ok?”

“Hey! Berry Fudge Gumball belongs to me! Of course I’d never shoot it around other ponies, or in town, or where somepony might get scared by the noise! What do you think I am, crazy?”

“Of course you’re not crazy, Pinkie Pie.” Evelyn said hastily. “But you can get a little—enthusiastic, sometimes.”

“Have we met?” Pinkie asked, trotting over and staring at the PI from inches away. She sniffed several times. Evelyn actually laughed as Pinkie stuck her noise in her hair and snorted. She pulled back and sneezed once, blinking.

“Carrot cake.” She announced. “Right?”

“I’m sorry?” Evelyn asked blankly. “What about it?”

“That’s your favorite, right?”

“Um, yes?” Evelyn said. Pinkie grinned, hopping up and down.

“Your turn!” She said to Matt, starting at his feet and sniffing all the way to the crown of his buzz-cut style hair. She had to rear up and put her hooves on him to do it.

This time she sneezed so violently it spun her in a circle.

“Prance Vanilla!” She said firmly.

“French vanilla. Comes from France.” He corrected her, smiling at her.

“Where’s France?” Pinkie asked.

“A long way from here.” He answered with a twinkle in his eye. “Hi, I’m Matt.”

“I’m Pinkie!” She said settling back on all fours. “But you can call me Pinkie. My real name’s Pinkamena but nobody calls me that.”

Rainbow Dash came streaking out of the sky and landed in front of Teelo with a thud.

“Teelo! Man, you’re a sight for sore eyes! How’s it hangin’?”

“Not so hot. Did the guard tell you what’s going on?”

“Guard? What guard?” The blue pegasus looked around, taking in the chariots. “What’s going on Teelo?”

“Didn’t the Royal Guard tell you to come here?”

“Nope. I saw you and flew in.”

“Teelo! How wonderful to see you again!” Rarity came trotting up and smiled at the girl.

“Rarity!” Teagan hugged the unicorn, really glad to see her.

“What’s going on, darling? The guard told me to drop everything and get here as soon as I could.”

“Let’s wait for the others. But something terrible has happened.” Teagan said grimly.

“I see. Who are your friends?”

“Oh! I’m such an idiot. Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie, I’d like to introduce my Krav Maga instructor, Matt Sanders, and Evelyn Lewis, a private investigator.”

“Hello Rarity, Rainbow Dash. I’m so happy to finally meet you!” Evelyn said, beaming.

“Charmed.” Rarity said, nodding her head. “Finally meet us? Has Teelo told you about us?”

“No, I’m a pegasister.” Evelyn admitted.

“Whoa, you’re a what?” Rainbow Dash asked, startled. “You don’t have any wings!”

“A pegasister is a female brony, Rainbow Dash.” Teagan said hastily. “She means she’s a fan of yours.”

“Cool!” The pegasus lifted her head and flared her wings. “I know you said we had fans, but I never thought I’d get to meet one! Did you see my Sonic Rainboom?”

“Sure did.” Evelyn nodded. “Both of them. My heart was in my mouth when you were trying to catch Rarity and the Wonder Bolts.”

“You saw that? Was I cool or what?” Rainbow Dash asked excitedly.

“At least 20 percent cooler than ever before!” Evelyn laughed.

“Ha!” Rainbow Dash grinned. “You and I are gonna be great friends, Evelyn!”

Fluttershy came trotting up.

“Teelo!” She squeed and nearly glomped the girl, who staggered a bit before catching herself.

“It’s so good to see you, Fluttershy!” She laughed as she hugged the pegasus. “I never thought I’d ever see you again! How have you been?”

“I’ve been wonderful, Teelo, but I think Angel misses you. You should come by the house. He’d be thrilled to see you.”

Breaking away from the embrace Teagan found herself grinning at the thought of how Angel would react. Probably bite her…She and the rabbit had gotten off to a bad start the first time she’d been here and never really patched things up.

Applejack came galloping up from the direction of her farm.

“Well howdy, stranger! Mighty pleased ta see ya again, Teelo!”

“Applejack! I’m glad to see you too!”

“Guard seemed in an all fired hurry ta get me here.” The orange pony said. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Let’s go to the library. I’ve got some bad news, I’m afraid.” She hastily introduced the orange pony to Matt and Evelyn.

The entire party, including Subtle Dancer, Sun Hammer and the guard contingent headed for the library. When they arrived they found Spike sitting on the doorstep.

“Wow! Welcome back Teelo!” He said, grinning. “You haven’t seen Twilight, have you?”

“She’s in Canterlot with Princess Luna, Spike.” Teagan answered. “I’m glad you’re here. We need to use the library so I can explain what’s going on.

“Is Twilight ok? She didn’t leave me a note.” He complained as he opened the door. The Royal Guard stayed outside and set up a security perimeter. The others trouped inside.

“She’s fine, Spike.” Subtle Dancer answered him. “She’s helping Princess Luna.”

Applejack settled onto a pillow.

“Ok, Sugarcube, we’re here. Now what’s goin’ on?”

“It’s bad, Applejack. Princess Celestia has been abducted.”

“What? How? Ah mean she’s the princess. Nopony could get the best o’ her!” Applejack objected.

“Somepony did. She was poisoned in her sleep.” Subtle Dancer spoke up.

“Drugged in her sleep.” Evelyn corrected the unicorn firmly. “We’re operating under the assumption she’s still alive and waiting to be rescued. That’s why we’re here. We need your help.”

“Fer the Princess? O’ course!” Applejack declared.

“Got that right!” Rainbow Dash agreed loudly. “When do we leave?”

“As soon as you can pack.” Teagan said. “We don’t know how long we’re going to be gone, but Princess Luna is pulling out all the stops. We won’t be on our own this time. The full might of Equestria is behind us.”

“Where is she?” Rarity asked. “Why doesn’t Princess Luna send her guards?”

“That’s where I come in, I’m afraid.” Evelyn said. “We don’t currently know Princess Celestia’s location. I’m going to help Subtle Dancer find her and then the rest of you will be able to rescue her.”

“From what Sun Hammer tells me, if the Princess is being held in some other country sending the Royal Guard through the countries in between might be considered an act of war.” Matt said, now that the conversation was now in his area of expertise. “Our small team can be flown in without provoking the countries we fly through.”

“But surely no one would object to us rescuing the Princess?” Rarity said. “She raises the sun! Without the sun, well, everypony would perish!”

“Aye. Tell that tae the Troll King, lassie.” Sun Hammer rumbled. “Some o’ the other rulers be nearly as touchy, ye ken. Thay wad nae be happy tae see ponies flyin’ in their skies, so thay wad nae.”

“What about Princess Luna? Is she going to go too?” Pinkie asked.

“No.” Subtle Dancer shook his head. “We can’t risk her leaving the castle. She’s the only one who can raise the sun until we rescue Princess Celestia. Besides, she’s got to save her magic for raising the sun. Apparently the sun is much heavier than the moon.”

“That brings up another sore point.” Teagan said. “Twilight may not be able to go with us. We won’t know that until tomorrow at the earliest.”

“What do you mean, Teelo?” Spike asked. “Why couldn’t she?”

Teagan hesitated, turning to look at Subtle Dancer. He nodded after a long internal debate.

“That’s why Princess Luna summoned Twilight this morning, Spike. Luna didn’t have enough magic left after the demonstration yesterday to raise the sun. She needed Twilight’s power to help her. She might not actually be strong enough to raise the sun by herself, even fully rested.”

There was dead silence, the Ponyville residents too stunned to say anything.

“This is bad, isn’t it?” Pinkie asked, shivering.

Teagan nodded. “Nearly as bad as Nightmare Discord, Pinkie. But we beat him and we can beat whoever did this.”

“Um, excuse me, but if we don’t know who took the princess how are we going to find her?” Fluttershy asked timidly.

“Leave that to Subtle Dancer and me.” Evelyn said confidently. “Between his knowledge of magic and my knowledge of how bad guys operate we’ll find her.”

“And once we have a target we can develop a plan of attack.” Matt said calmly. “I won’t lie to you. Hostage rescues are always dicey. But I’ve had 20 years experience doing exactly this kind of operation. We find the target, get in, rescue the princess and get out. Quick, clean, quiet. Do it right and we’ll be home and dry before they know we were ever there.”

His quiet confident voice made the ponies relax. Teagan had heard enough of Matt’s stories to know what he wasn’t telling her friends. He wasn’t telling them the fact that when a kidnapper didn’t demand a ransom immediately it was usually because the victim was already dead.

I will not believe Princess Celestia is dead. She thought fiercely, even while keeping her face calm and friendly. It was another trick Matt had taught her—the poker face. Right now she was glad she’d learned it. She just wish it wasn’t so hard to maintain.

Making Plans

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In which plans go awry, gladsome news is learned, and Matt heeds the words of Sun Tzu.

Tišina knew what she was going to do. Patiently she constructed the portal, layer upon layer of orderly dimensional weaving, tying the here to the there, slowly drawing them together in places that did not in the strictest sense actually exist. It was the most delicate art, and required complete concentration. She didn’t need to worry, she didn’t need to hurry. She simply needed to bring a certain kind of order to the world.

Tišina was good at bringing order. It was what she did.

ooOoo

The young foal knew what he was going to do, and this time it would work!

“Mama, tell me a story.” The foal looked up with wide eyes. “Something new.”

“But I don’t know any new stories, dumpling.” Her mother protested. “Wouldn’t you like to hear about—?”

“Wanna new story!” The foal insisted. “About the One Who Left.”

“Gypsum, you know we don’t talk about the Pink One.” His mother said sternly. “The elders don’t like it.”

“Wanna story, Mama! Garnet says—”

“Now, Gypsum. You know Garnet’s got her head in the clouds.” Topaz Walker said disapprovingly. “That’s no way for a rock farmer’s daughter to act!”

“I like Garnet!” He protested. “She’s a nice pony!”

“Well, yes, but she’s not practical.” His mother said firmly. “Her mother’s a Pie, you know, married Flint Stonespeaker, but everybody told him the Pie in her wouldn’t stay quiet. Looks like we were right, too. You play with Garnet too much you might end up with a head full of fluff, young pony.”

“She wouldn’t hurt a fly, Mama.” He said reproachfully. “She’s kind too. And she works really hard, and never complains.”

“Well, obviously she’s got her good points, dumpling. But that don’t mean you can ignore the flightiness. That filly shoulda been born with wings!” Topaz snorted.

Suddenly the roof exploded with a loud splintering crash. Topaz looked up to see the night sky where wooden beams should have been, but before she could do more than gasp a massive white head darted through the hole. Two pale tentacles speared out from the head, one hitting her in the neck and the other striking Gypsum in the chest. The tentacles swelled to twice their thickness then convulsed and shrank to a quarter of that.

Topaz didn’t even have time to scream.

As the gigantic head withdrew the stingers pulled out of their victims with a dreadful slurping sound. The two ponies grew stiff and hard, turning into stony emerald sculptures.

The pale colossus spread enormous wings and sprang silently into the night, observed only by the emerald statue of an earth pony standing in the field, its sculpted expression a mask of mind numbing horror.

The hunt lasted another two hours. Of the forty stallions, mares, and foals that made up the small rock farming community only one pony was left untouched, an ancient mare named Tourmaline whose ramshackle hut sat far from its nearest neighbor.

The albino giant paused before the last dwelling, debating whether to leave a survivor or not. In the end it turned away, leaving the nearly deaf pony slumbering peacefully. It crept back through the portal, which vanished as though it had never been.

Tourmaline slept on, oblivious to what the dawn’s cruel light would reveal.

ooOoo

Twilight Sparkle didn’t have a clue what she was going to do. Which is why she was thrilled when a messenger alerted them the wing of chariots had been spotted approaching.

After Matt’s short but reassuring speech the ponies had scattered back to their homes and packed. In less than an hour they were airborne and headed for the capital.

She met them as they disembarked.

“Teelo! Sun Hammer found you! I am so glad to see all of you!” Twilight Sparkle exclaimed in relief. “We’ve got a real situation on our hooves! Um, who are your friends?” She asked, realizing she’d been rude.

“Twilight Sparkle, I’d like to introduce Matt Sanders and Evelyn Lewis. Matt is a soldier and Evelyn is a private investigator.”

“Oh, thank Celestia!” The unicorn slumped in profound relief. She looked exhausted. “Has Sun Hammer told you what’s been happening?”

“Him and Subtle Dancer both.” Teelo said. “I’m so sorry, Twilight. We’ll help any way we can.”

“We need it.” Twilight said. “We’re in deep trouble, Teelo!”

“You look worn out, Twilight.” Fluttershy observed with concern.

“I am.” The purple unicorn admitted. “I had to give Princess Luna nearly all my magic this morning so she could raise the sun. I’m still beat, and that stupid council meeting didn’t help.”

“How is Princess Luna doing, the poor dear?” Rarity asked.

“She rested as much as she could but that dratted meeting took hours. I have to say I never realized just how powerful Princess Celestia really is—or how patient.” Twilight said, shaking her head. “She raised the sun twice in one day! It was all Princess Luna could do to raise it at all, even boosted with all my magic.”

“That’s not good news.” Subtle Dancer said, worried. “Was it Wind Spear’s Succor?”

“Yes.” Twilight nodded. “I don’t think I can cast it again tomorrow morning. It drained me dry.”

“As it was designed to do.” Subtle Dancer nodded. “That spell is meant to be used as a last resort, Twilight Sparkle. Even such a powerful unicorn as yourself will need a few days to recover. You held the spell as long as you could I take it?”

“Yes. The Princess needed every scrap of power she could get.” Twilight said. “I had to.”

He nodded. “The longer the spell is held, the worse the aftereffects. If you try to use it again too soon it could cause you to burn out your magic altogether. Or kill you.”

“Kill me?” Twilight gulped. He nodded grimly. “But what about Princess Luna? She needs help!”

“Twilight! Twilight Sparkle! Where are you?” A frantic voice shouted as the sound of pounding hooves came echoing from the castle entry. “You are needed! Twilight!” A dark gray pony with green mane and tail thundered into the courtyard.

“Come at once, Twilight Sparkle! Princess Celestia! She’s back!” The pony turned and bolted back the way he’d come.

The entire pony contingent exploded into full gallop, streaming into the castle in a thundering herd with Sun Hammer leading the charge. The three humans stood gaping in their wake.

“Well, that’s good news, right?” Teelo asked Matt uncertainly.

“Uh huh.” He nodded slowly. “Why don’t we go meet this princess of yours, Squirt? I have a feeling we’re not done just yet. It’s never this easy.”

“I can’t believe I’m about to meet Celestia! She’s my absolute favorite.” Evelyn nearly squealed.

“Princess Celestia.” Teelo hissed, glancing around at the members of the Sun Shield still present.

“Of course.” Evelyn shook herself and gave Teelo a smile. “Time to meet the client. Don’t worry, Teelo, I’m a professional.” The woman’s demeanor took on a more serious cast. “Why don’t you lead the way?”

Teagan strode toward the castle and her companions followed suit. The Sun Shield pegasi formed around them, guarding their flanks and back but leaving Teagan unobstructed as she made her way to the throne room.

She had the same nagging feeling of familiarity she’d had from her first visit to the castle. She knew every corridor, stairway, and turn leading straight to the throne room. She still had no idea how she was doing it. Maybe she should talk to Subtle Dancer; he was a high-ranking mage. He’d probably have a theory at least. It drove her crazy not knowing…

The throne room was in absolute chaos. Ponies were laughing and crying and hugging each other, regardless of class, Teagan spotted a maid being hugged by a duchess, at least judging by the coronet she wore.

And how do I know the difference between a ducal coronet and a princess’s tiara? She found herself wondering. She’d forgotten just how disturbingly familiar the castle and its décor really were. Another question for Subtle Dancer…

Given the bedlam of ponies moving around the room and paying little attention to what they bumped into it would have been dangerous for the humans to venture into the huge chamber. Princess Luna and Sun Hammer were standing at the other end of the room, the dark blue alicorn having abandoned her throne. Teagan guessed Celestia was there too but she couldn’t see the white alicorn, which worried her.

Luna looked up and caught Teagan’s eye.

“OUR LOYAL SUBJECTS, PLEASE ALLOW LADY TEAGAN TO APPROACH.” Luna’s use of the Royal Canterlot Voice caused silence to fall in the huge room as grinning ponies turned to regard the three humans. Obediently a narrow corridor formed, allowing Teagan to finally see Princess Celestia. The alicorn was lying on the floor with her legs tucked neatly up under her. Spring Water, her personal physician, was speaking to the Princess quietly.

Teagan drew her breath in sharply. The alicorn’s ordinarily pristine coat was matted and streaked with mud. Her beautiful mane and tail, normally waving in an invisible wind and glowing with the colors of the rainbow trailed forlornly on the floor, mud splattered and grayish pink. Her horn, normally gleaming white, now had a sickly greenish cast to it.

Feeling a wave of déjà vu pass over her Teagan strode quickly down the path formed by the staring ponies.

She winced when she got close enough to the princess to see the puckered wounds on her rear flank. They were scabbed over but the fact they were there at all offended Teagan. It was like shooting the Mona Lisa with a paintball gun.

“Greetings, Your Royal Highness Celestia.” Then Teagan broke protocol, coming to kneel within arm’s reach of the alicorn. No one seemed to mind today, and Teagan asked under her breath, “Are you all right?”

“I’ve been better.” The princess murmured with a brief half smile.

“Greetings, Lady Teelo. I am pleased to see you again.” She said in a louder voice. “I am only sorry it had to be under such unfortunate circumstances.”

“All that matters is you’re safe now, Your Highness.” Teagan said firmly. “My friends and I are here to improve those circumstances if we can.”

“I am blessed indeed to have such loyal friends.” The princess said, smiling warmly around her. Now that Teagan had a moment to look around she saw Twilight and the rest of her friends standing beside Sun Hammer.

“Won’t you introduce me to your companions, Lady Teelo?” The white alicorn asked graciously.

“Of course. Princess Celestia, may I introduce Lieutenant Matthew Sanders, a special operations soldier from my world, my Krav Maga teacher, and good friend.”

“Your Highness, it’s an honor to meet you.” Matt said, bowing low. He was still wearing his gear but managed to make the bow look effortless.

“And may I also introduce Miss Evelyn Lewis, a private investigator and avid pegasister.”

“I’m thrilled to meet you, Your Highness.” Evelyn said with a bow. “I never thought I would have this opportunity.”

“Thank you for coming to my aid.” The alicorn replied with a warm but tired smile. “But tell me, what is a pegasister?”

“A friend of Equestria, Your Highness and to ponies.” Evelyn said smoothly.

“It is heartening to know we have friends across the Bridge of Days, Evelyn Lewis. I bid you welcome to Equestria.” The princess dipped her horn to the PI.

“Equestria has many friends there, Princess.” She said. “Unfortunately, the only thing they can offer are warm feelings and well wishes.”

“That is no small thing.” The Princess said gently. “Such things can make the difference between hope and despair. I fear we will need all the well wishes we can get in the days to come.”

“Your Highness, if you feel up to it we should discuss what happened to you before the details fade from your mind.” Evelyn said apologetically.

“Indeed.” The Princess nodded. “You speak from professional experience, do you not?”

“Yes, Your Highness. If ponies are anything like humans sleeping could make you forget vital clues—clues we need to find whoever did this.”

“Very well.” The Princess struggled to her feet. The court gasped when she stumbled and nearly collapsed. Sun Hammer moved to provide a bulwark for her to lean against.

“Highness!” Spring Water exclaimed in a low voice, “You shouldn’t exert yourself!”

“Needs must, Spring Water.” Celestia said gently. “Besides, this marble floor is cold and hard. Telling my story is likely to take some time, so I’d rather be lying in bed to do it. Not to mention it will be more private.”

“Then I shall instruct Faerie Mist on what meal to bring you, Highness.” Spring Water said. “And you’re to eat and drink everything she brings, understood?” There was a tone of command in her voice that no other pony would have dared.

“Yes, Spring Water.” Celestia sighed, too tired to argue. “Teelo, Twilight, you and your friends need to hear this too. Sister, would you attend me as well?” Using Sun Hammer as a crutch she hobbled out of the throne room, leaving the court to speculate wildly about what had happened.

ooOoo

Zošto ne ste umre glupavi konj? Tišina snarled as she beheld the impossible sight of her prey alive and well and returned to her lair. Peering closer the black eyes narrowed. The levels of magic were definitely depleted, but they were actually higher than they had been when she stung that cursed sinner.

The cavern shuddered from Tišina’s scream of rage, dislodging huge blocks of ice from the ceiling that fell fifty feet to smash themselves harmlessly against her back. The raging monster didn’t even notice as she vented her spleen against the oblivious alicorn limping to her private chambers while surrounded by more sinners.

Regaining control she took several deep breaths to calm herself. Her tendrils finally relaxed, coiling back into a resting position. She would not allow this upstart sinner to escape! No one escaped her. No one ever had and she’d be damned if a horse with delusions of grandeur would be the first.

Settling against the floor she resumed her vigil, waiting for the mistake even the most careful sinner always made. It had been several thousand years but Tišina still remembered previous encounters. Her beloved enemy had defeated her in the end, purely by luck rather than skill, but none of his allies had escaped her. It had been a very long time, but she hadn’t forgotten how to trap her prey.

Tišina never forgot anything.

ooOoo

“Now, Your Highness. Tell me everything that happened from the time you went to bed until you reappeared in the throne room.” Evelyn said after the alicorn had settled back in her bed with a sigh that was half pleasure and half pain.

Celestia nodded and began retelling the story of her abduction. The PI listened quietly, not interrupting or asking questions.

“So once I discovered how to free myself from Tišina’s poison and my magic was free to replenish itself I regained my link to the Sun and was able to locate myself. When I had enough strength I teleported straight upward as far as I could. I ended up so high in the air I had to hold my breath and fall until the air was thick enough to breathe.” Celestia finished her tale.

“Once out of that awful cave I was able to cast a locator spell and then string together a series of teleports to get back. The rest you know. I sent Pinstripe to find Twilight and discovered to my delight that the Bearers had arrived, along with Lady Teelo.”

Evelyn nodded. “Thank you, Your Highness. Where were you being held?”

“Northwest of Pingwin, well beyond the Northern Ley Line.” The princess replied.

Subtle Dancer whistled in astonishment.

“Your Highness, that’s at least 1,500 miles! No wonder you’re exhausted!” He exclaimed.

“It wasn’t the trip back that was the problem.” She said ruefully. “It was breaking free of the poison. Once I did that I was able to escape easily. Dancer, Luna, remind me to teach you that spell when I’ve recovered. I fear we may want it spread as widely as possible. Twilight, I would teach it to you but it requires a level of mastery you have not yet reached.”

Twilight looked down and sighed. Applejack nudged her in sympathy.

“Your Highness, please remember that while I am a master mage I lack the raw power of Twilight Sparkle or Princess Luna, much less yourself.” Subtle Dancer said carefully.

Princess Celestia shook her head. “It is not a matter of power, Chief Horn, but control. My faithful student shows great promise but she is years away from the level of control needed for this spell. Rarity has the control but lacks the flexibility to learn general magic use. I was thinking that some of the higher ranked Horns could learn it.”

“I wish that were good news.” Subtle Dancer said, sighing. “Master-level mages are not a plentiful resource, Your Highness.”

“The good news is we have a target now.” Matt said quietly. “We just need a way to strike at it.”

All the ponies except Celestia, Luna, Sun Hammer and Subtle Dancer looked at him, appalled. Luna nodded but Subtle Dancer shook his head.

“Even if the Princess could take us to the very spot where she was trapped” he said “there’s no guarantee Tišina is there. This creature uses portals. There’s no reason to believe she laired near Her Highness’s prison.”

“Damn.” Matt sighed. “That portal really complicates things.”

“Would there were a way to lure her out of hiding.” Princess Luna mused quietly. “But we cannot think of such a way.”

“Hmm.” Matt said with a gleam in his eye that Teagan knew all too well. “Your Highness, I think I have a plan…”

Blind Man's Bluff

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In which we learn that watching is not seeing, plans may work all too well, and victory is often bittersweet.

Tišina watched the cozy gathering of sinners start to bicker and argue. Hardly believing her luck she watched as they split into two groups, each clearly shouting at the other, with the exaggerated forceful gestures such creatures were prone to when angered.

Her glee mounted as the two sides nearly came to blows, standing toe to toe and shouting in each other’s faces. She couldn’t hear what was being said, of course, but then again she didn’t need to, the body language was plain.

Glupava grešnici.

Tišina’s chuckle hissed and echoed around her cavern like the crackling of thin ice under an unwary foot. She settled down to watch and wait.

Her patience was rewarded when all but three of the sinners stormed out of the chamber, leaving only the vainglorious horse, an oversized earth pony, and one of the strange newcomers. The newcomers had an odd feel to them, exotic and foreign. But Tišina brushed that aside, they were tiny creatures and obviously no threat to her.

The cursed horse was clearly exhausted and after eating a meal brought to her chambers she said something to her companions and settled into bed. Always cautious, Tišina checked the horse’s magic level, finding it nearly as low as it had been the night before. She paused, contemplating why her victim’s magic was so much lower than it had been in the throne room, but then decided the sinner must have relapsed from the poison undoubtedly still in her system.

After all, no creature had ever managed to survive it before…

She waited for her victim to fall into deep slumber before starting to build her portal. It was safe enough, the earth pony wouldn’t sense it, the alicorn was too exhausted, and the newcomer showed no signs of unease. In fact, it was dozing while the oversized pony kept watch.

Tišina relaxed as she worked. It never failed. The sinners always made a fatal mistake.

Always.

ooOoo

Tourmaline stirred uneasily in her sleep. Dawn was still some hours off, but the earth pony still shifted restlessly. Something was wrong. The vague unease made the elderly pony’s dreams roil and darken, shapeless fears coiling to strike.

After a particular vivid nightmare the pony woke with a start, too frightened to do more than tremble. As the nightmare reluctantly released its hold and her breathing slowed Tourmaline struggled out of bed to go make herself a cup of tea.

The old pony let the ritual of making tea settle her nerves. She wanted to dismiss the bad dreams and go back to bed, but something wouldn’t let her. Somehow she knew something was dreadfully amiss.

Though the other ponies treated her with kindly condescension because of her advanced years Tourmaline was no one’s fool. As her strength of body had gradually deserted her the earth magic neither unicorn nor pegasus possessed grew correspondingly stronger.

Earth magic was all about the flow of energy. And tonight that energy, normally placid and slow, was churning like river rapids. Closing her eyes she probed deep into the earth, trying to locate the source of the problem. As her cup of tea cooled unnoticed the earth pony felt her way along ancient well-worn paths of magic and power.

She tried finding Garnet Stonespeaker first. The kindly filly was a favorite of the old pony. But the foal was nowhere Tourmaline could find. Since all earth ponies were linked via the earth magic a gifted earth pony could sense them. Tourmaline could feel other gatherings of earth ponies, some as far away as Ponyville, a long way away indeed.

Speaking of Ponyville she wondered if the Pink One was still as unrepentant as ever. In spite of her unease Tourmaline allowed herself to snort in disapproval and grudging amusement. Pinkamena had always been a troublesome filly. After that strange circular rainbow had blown through she’d only gotten worse. Until finally she’d left, vowing to find a place where she could be the pony she’d always wanted to be. Now constant rumors—all manner of disgraceful goings on—reached the settlement. Naturally, Pinkamena was usually involved right up to her frizzy pink forelock.

Dismissing thoughts of the wayward pony Tourmaline returned to her search and brought it closer to home. Now she knew what was wrong—there wasn’t a single earth pony in the entire settlement.

Not one.

And that was impossible. Nothing would have made all the ponies in Rockton disappear like that. The younger ponies might treat her like a doddering old fool, but if something had happened no one would have left her behind, that just wasn’t the pony way.

Leaving her now cold tea untouched Tourmaline went looking for answers.

ooOoo

In Princess Luna’s chambers the Princess, the Bearers and the female humans waited tensely.

“This is a horrible idea.” Twilight said for the fourth time.

“Hush, Twi, we just gotta trust the Princess.” Applejack said soothingly. “She would’ve never agreed ta it lessen she thought it would work.”

“But she’s hurt.” Twilight said. “Teelo, are you sure Matt knows what he’s doing?”

“Trust me, Twilight. He’s a Green Beret. He’s done stuff like this for the last twenty years. If he says it’s worth a shot I believe him.”

“Teelo’s right, Twilight. No plan is ever perfect but if Tišina takes the bait we’ll at least have a chance at taking her down.” Evelyn told the pacing unicorn. “If she keeps hiding and striking when she wants to we’re at a nasty disadvantage. We’ve got to lure her out and this is the only way.”

“You think Matt’s right about Tišina being able to see us?” Rainbow Dash asked nervously. “That’s just creepy.”

“It is not impossible.” Princess Luna said thoughtfully. “We personally know a spell that could allow viewing from a distance. It requires considerable skill to use, however.”

“Which implies Tišina is a powerful magic user.” Twilight said in disgust. “It isn’t bad enough she’s got the portal and she can see everything we do! Now we have to deal with her being able to cast who knows what spells?”

“Calm down Twilight.” Teagan said soothingly. “Trust in Sun Tzu.”

“Who?” Twilight asked, distracted from her pacing.

“He was a general from my world. He wrote a book called The Art Of War.” Teagan replied. “Matt made me read it. It’s a weird combination of absolute brilliance and the blindingly obvious.”

“Sugarcube, the fact somepony in your world wrote somethin’ called the art of war is all manner of disturbin’.” Applejack said in the silence that followed.

“Yeah.” Teagan said, nodding. “Reading it freaked me out. But Matt is counting on Tišina watching us. Well, watching Princess Celestia.”

“Is that why we pretended to be so mad at each other?” Fluttershy asked, frowning. “It didn’t feel right to do that.”

“All warfare is based on deception.” Teagan quoted. “Sun Tzu says ‘Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him.’”

“Matt made me memorize that.” Teelo chuckled. “Took me a week.”

“That’s how humans fight?” Applejack said, looking queasy. “Hate ta say it, but that’s downright dishonest, Teelo. Like somethin’ Discord would pull.”

“It gets worse.” Teagan informed her. “Sun Tzu says ‘If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant.’”

“Sound strategy.” Princess Luna commented. “But we can see thy point as well, Applejack. Such tactics are distasteful, Lady Teelo. Were not all of Equestria in peril we could not, in good conscience, allow them.”

“With all due respect, Your Highness, it sounds like Tišina plays by our rules, not yours.” The PI spoke up. “She’s already resorted to kidnapping and poison. It’s clear her goal is the death of every living creature in the world. I don’t think we have any choice.”

“Thee has the right of it, Evelyn Lewis.” Princess Luna said heavily. “Not even as Nightmare Moon did I seek to end the world. Tišina must be stopped or she will doom us all.”

ooOoo

Tourmaline made her way toward the Walker homestead. When she saw the roofline torn askew she knew her worst fears had been realized. Coaxing her old bones into a trot she hurried toward the house—only to turn aside when she saw the outline of a pony in the field outside.

“Oh dear Celestia.” She whispered as she got a good look. Slowly she walked up to the statue and forced herself to stare into the horror-distorted features of Feldspar Walker. This close her magical senses could see the way the earth magic was warped and trapped within the statue, making the normal smooth flow as tumultuous as a raging river. Now that she knew what to look for she extended her senses again. A sob tore out of her when she confirmed there were lots of other disturbances just like this one in the surrounding community.

She forced herself to walk into the house, where she found Topaz and little Gypsum exactly as she knew she would. Stone. Greenish in the flicker of the lamp that still burned on the bedside table they glistened like ice. When she dared to touch Topaz she found her cool to the touch, but not freezing cold.

Tourmaline knew about cockatrices, all rock farmers did. They were a menace but nothing like this.

She’d seen one unfortunate stallion that had been stoned by a cockatrice. They had managed to get him to Canterlot where Princess Celestia had restored him. But that unfortunate had been gray, not green. And he had been rough like stone, not smooth like ice.

Whatever had attacked Rockton had left her flesh and bone unturned. She couldn’t imagine why, her home was set apart from the others, but still clearly visible. She shouldn’t have been spared.

Fear was gnawing at her belly but she refused to give into it. That wouldn’t help her neighbors, trapped in this strange icy stone. Only she could do that. Tourmaline headed toward the village of Hayfield five miles away, wondering if she’d manage to get there alive.

She refused to think about little Gypsum Walker…

ooOoo

Mindful that she wouldn’t have a lot of time once the portal opened Tišina attacked as soon as it formed. She aimed for the alicorn, planning to pump the beast so full of poison she’d solidify instantly.

She didn’t expect Celestia to teleport. Her stingers sank harmlessly into the mattress where Celestia had been lying.

She was equally unprepared for the massive yank on her sensitive tendrils. Screeching in pain she instinctively lunged forward, not realizing she was poking her head through the portal until a thunderous bang deafened her and white hot pain knifed through her left eye, blinding her and making the previous pain seem like a caress.

Tišina roared in agony and tried to pull back but the treacherous alicorn had grabbed her with telekinesis and stubbornly refused to let go, her horn blazing white.

The albino giant tossed her head just as another earsplitting explosion rocked the room and something smashed into her cheek, just below her remaining eye. Completely panicked now she saw a blue alicorn and a black unicorn appear.

“DISRUPT THE PORTAL!” The blue alicorn trumpeted. If Tišina hadn’t already been partially deafened from those two unholy bangs, Luna’s bellow would certainly have done the trick.

“He!” Tišina howled in terror as the second alicorn latched onto her and pulled, preventing her from withdrawing her head. If the portal closed now…

Acting from pure self-preservation Tišina lunged forward, desperate to get free of the portal. Aided by her enemies’ telekinesis she shot from the portal like a cork from a champagne bottle. She could feel the portal destabilizing even as her hundred foot length smashed into the forty foot room. Several bursts of magic signaled the teleportation of her enemies even as the back wall of the chamber gave way and the bed simply disintegrated under the multi-ton weight of the insect-like dragon. Tišina howled in agony as the portal collapsed while her tail was still trapped in it. Five feet of tail, including her stinger vanished along with the portal.

Weeping in pain and uncomprehending rage she roared, butting her head into the wall beyond the princess’s chamber, demolishing it. The floor groaned in protest as she forced her way forward, smashing a two story hole through the palace in her bid to reach the outside air.

At that moment Tišina was nothing more than a wounded animal operating on instinct. Blind in one eye, bleeding from her severed tail she was smashing anything that barred her escape. Fortunately at this hour there were no ponies in the hallways she smashed through on her way to clear air.

When she burst through the last wall she literally leaped into the void, wings unfurling to catch the wind. She frantically pumped her wings, seeking the safety of altitude, arrowing into the clear mountain air, feeling relieved that she had escaped.

Until, that is, she heard a loud hissing noise and a massive blow struck her in the stomach. The sound deafened her while the blow knocked the wind out of her, and made her wings fold up. She rolled over as she plummeted, seeing a pink blur standing on a balcony, a pair of long tubes on either side, pointed straight at her. She screamed as something left the tubes trailing fire and smoke, arrowing straight at her.

She managed to twist aside from the things, but one caught her wing and exploded, blowing a hole completely through the thin membrane and nearly tearing the wing completely off.

The insectile dragon tumbled helplessly as she fell, gravity accelerating her massive form mercilessly. Six seconds later she smashed into the rocks below, feeling several bones break from the impact of a seven hundred foot fall.

She roared in agony and bewildered rage, not believing she’d been beaten by a horse. She forced herself to roll over, screaming from the pain and started to limp away, her injured wing dragging and unable to fold.

She flinched at a distant bang. Rocks scattered next to her left foot. A second bang followed, and she felt a solid thud against her back. It hurt, but right now it was the least of her problems.

A half dozen more bangs followed, each accompanied by an impact somewhere on her battered body. None of them caused more than irritation as her scales proved up to the task of protecting her.

Mind racing, she frantically considered her predicament. These ponies had proven far more dangerous than even her beloved enemy. It was inconceivable that they were actually a threat, and she needed to shamefully retreat from them like a—a—mortal. It was humiliating!

She almost missed the surge of magic in front of her. There was a flash of pink and then that dreadful hissing roar and her world dissolved into pain as something smashed her backward, actually throwing her into the air.

She landed on her back, her shredded wing tearing loose. She was in too much pain to make a sound, but she managed to twist her neck around and glare at her tormenter, a bright pink pony with those damnable pairs of tubes that spat horrible pain. The beast actually smiled and waved at her even as it prepared to fire again.

“That’s enough, Pinkie.” A calm voice said as that pompous horse appeared on a cliff overlooking the spot where Tišina lay helplessly.

“But she’s a bad dragon, Princess!” The pink one protested.

“Pinkie Pie!” The alicorn said sharply. “That’s enough. Thank you. Twilight, please take Pinkie back to the castle. Right now.”

“Are you going to be all right, Princess Celestia?” The purple unicorn asked anxiously. “I don’t want to leave you alone with this thing.”

“She is not alone, good Twilight.” A second voice chimed in. “We are with our sister. Tišina is beaten. Now heed her command. Your part is done. Let us do ours.”

“I’ve got my eye on you!” The pink pony shouted down at the albino. “You do anything funny and I’ll make sure you regret it!”

“My faithful student, take Pinkie and go.” The white alicorn said in a firm tone. “Now.”

“Yes, Princess.” Twilight said, casting another look at the downed dragon.

The two ponies vanished with a pop, leaving Tišina staring up at the two monarchs.

Of Sins And Sinners

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In which the villain weeps, the princess mourns, a victim finds help, and the truth is revealed.

“Tišina, you are a threat to all Equestria, to every living thing. Your insanity will destroy the world unless I act to stop you. I would have preferred to use the Elements of Harmony, but you’ve disturbed one of the Bearers so badly that option is closed to me. You have left me with only one choice. I am sorry.”

Celestia’s horn began to pulse rapidly as the alicorn’s magic built up. Tišina could feel the power growing, being forced into a single point no larger than a grain of sand. She started to struggle, but knew she was too far gone to escape physically from the horror the alicorn was preparing to unleash.

“Do not force me to blaspheme, you pretentious horse!” Tišina shouted at Celestia. “You know not what you do, foolish mortal! I am Tišina, Great Mother Of Silence. You are a sinner! An abomination before the Natural Order! You must be destroyed for the good of the universe! You and all your kind! Do not do this.”

“Good-bye, Tišina.” Celestia said sadly.

Just before Celestia released the sun-bright speck Tišina did the unthinkable, the flash hidden by the glare of Celestia’s attack.

The speck slammed into the rocks even as the two alicorns teleported away. The explosion tore away a hundred feet of stone, leaving a massive crater.

The sound of the explosion shook the city, waking citizens and bringing them out into the streets to mill about and fearfully ask each other what had happened. But nopony had any answers.

ooOoo

The group that gathered in Princess Luna’s chambers afterward was somber. They had watched the attack unfold from the roof. Teagan still couldn’t believe the things she had seen. She kept seeing Pinkie shoot Tišina with Berry Fudge Gumball, swatting the monster from the sky. And then the second shot that nearly blew off Tišina’s wing…

Teagan shuddered as she remembered how helpless Tišina had looked falling to her death. She could still hear that tremendous thump when the insect-like dragon had hit the ground. That was probably going to be the new soundtrack for her weekly nightmares...

But what made it worse was when the albino monster got up and limped off. The fact Tišina had been able to do so scared Teagan worse than Discord ever had. She had fallen hundreds of feet! And then walked away! No living creature was that tough!

Matt hadn’t said anything as he watched her impossible survival. He just calmly shouldered his rifle and started shooting. Her ears were still ringing from the sound of those shots.

Teagan had seen Tišina flinch each time a bullet struck her, but she seemed to shrug off the gunfire, ignoring it as she limped away.

When Matt finally gave up and lowered his rifle Pinkie insisted Twilight teleport the two of them closer so Pinkie could shoot again. They’d been too far away to see them clearly but Teagan did see the flash as the rockets impacted the dragon and literally flipped her over onto her back.

That’s when the two princesses teleported away and after a bit Twilight and Pinkie teleported back. Pinkie was pouting, as though someone had taken away her slice of cake before she could finish it…

Something bright flashed toward Tišina and a huge glare exploded a half second before the sound of rolling thunder reached them. When the light went out there was a huge hole and no sign of the albino dragon.

That’s when the group went back to Luna’s chambers, following the blue alicorn in numb silence.

Teagan looked at Princess Celestia. Her horn wasn’t tinged green any more, and her mane and tail had regained their color, blowing in the intangible wind no one else ever felt. But the Princess sat looking at the floor, face blank. Luna had her head draped over Celestia’s withers, her eyes closed, pressing as much of herself against her sister as she could manage.

No one had spoken since returning. It had been nearly half an hour. Teagan finally forced herself to stand and hug both Celestia and Luna, not saying anything, just wanting to do something to counter the suffocating silence.

Matt watched the three of them with no emotion on his face. The other ponies looked dispirited and grief-stricken, never having imagined anything like this. Pinkie was solemn, her usual smile missing in action.

The private investigator was lost in her thoughts. Evelyn had never seen a real battle before and the brutality of it had shaken her badly.

“Your Highness.” Matt broke the silence. Celestia glanced up but said nothing.

“Are we sure Tišina’s actually dead?” Matt asked, staring levelly at the alicorn. “That dragon was huge and impossibly tough. Even after a blast like that there should have been some remains. There was nothing.”

“Matt!” Teagan glared at him. “Now is not the time!”

“Yes it is.” Matt said gently. “We won a battle, Squirt. I don’t know if we won the war or not. If we didn’t Tišina may come back. And if she does I guarantee she’ll be angry. We won’t like her when she’s angry.”

“Matt is right, Lady Teelo.” Princess Celestia spoke in a tired voice. “Sister, did you sense any magic before we teleported?”

“Nay, sister.” Luna replied. She turned thoughtful. “However thy magic was most fearsome. It could easily have masked any last minute spell Tišina cast, even if we were not distracted by teleporting.”

“So she’s not dead?” Teagan asked, appalled. “How can anything survive a blast like that? Besides, where could she have gone?”

“If she teleported she wouldn’t have been caught by the blast.” Matt pointed out. “Tišina walked away from a fall she couldn’t have survived. She shrugged off five .458 rounds meant to take down elephants and didn’t do more than flinch. I don’t know what she is, but not even a dragon should have survived all that.”

“She is Discord’s sister.” Princess Celestia replied.

The silence that followed was one of shock rather than grief.

“And that makes her what?” Matt asked, frowning.

“A goddess.” Teagan said heavily. “No wonder she ignored your bullets. Guns are useless against her.”

“Wait, that’s a gun?” Twilight asked, shocked. “You wanted to use that on Discord?”

“Yeah.” Teagan nodded. “My dad taught me how to shoot. But I don’t think guns would have done anything to Discord either. He’s probably just as immune to bullets as she is.”

“Well, she’s not completely invulnerable.” Matt said thoughtfully. “My first shot blinded one eye, and the BFG 9000 knocked her down and tore off a wing.”

“The what?” Teagan asked, startled.

He grinned at her. “Pinkie’s toy. Berry Fudge Gumball. BFG. It’s the biggest gun in the Doom video game. Before your time, Squirt.”

“This is no game, Matthew Sanders. The world is at stake.” Princess Luna said sharply.

“I’m aware of that, Your Highness.” Matt said calmly. “But soldiers learn to laugh where they can. Otherwise the horror of war will eat them alive.”

Her disapproving stare vanished, replaced by a look of pity.

“Hast thou warred these past twenty years then, Matthew Sanders?” She asked in belated realization.

“Off and on, Your Highness.” He answered, shrugging. “You learn to cope. Or you don’t come home.”

“We most humbly apologize to thee and offer our sincerest condolences.” The alicorn said, dipping her horn in salute.

No one saw Pinkie’s thoughtful look as she watched the soldier.

A discreet knock at the door interrupted the conversation. The door opened in response to the glow of Luna’s horn, revealing a delicate lavender pegasus with lemon yellow mane and tail so fine they floated around her, billowing almost like Celestia’s did.

“Hello, Fairie Mist.” Princess Celestia said with the first genuine smile she’d worn since being abducted. “I am very happy to see you again!”

“Highness, thank goodness you’re safe!” The pegasus’s wings flared before she controlled herself. “I just wanted to remind you it’s getting very late. You should get some rest before you have to raise the sun.”

“Oh dear.” Celestia said, blinking. “Already? Sister, would you be kind enough to help me in the morning? My reserves are still very low. The Wrath of the Sun requires enormous energy.”

“Happily, sister. So long as thee does most of the work! It was nearly beyond our strength, even with Twilight’s power added to our own.” Princess Luna said ruefully.

“You seem to have managed, sister. Thank you for coming to Luna’s aid, my faithful student.” Celestia smiled at the purple unicorn.

“It was my honor, Princess.” Twilight said, unexpectedly cheered by the comment.

“Come then, sister, let us seek our beds. Dawn must not wait tomorrow. My little ponies need to know everything is back to normal.” Celestia said, standing.

The others bowed and followed Faerie Mist out of the room.

ooOoo

Tišina lay in the darkness of her cavern and wept bitter tears, even as her body began regenerating the damage those horrible sinners had inflicted on her. But the hurt they’d done her was far more grievous than a ruined eye, a cropped tail, or a missing wing. Those would heal in time. In fact she had already reattached the end of her tail—that injury was nearly gone.

But the defilement they had forced on her was a different matter. That violation, the desecration of everything she held sacred, was a wound she feared would not—could not—heal. She would bear the scars for eternity.

All because of a thrice-cursed horse that didn’t have the common decency to die when it was supposed to. Forcing her, her—the Watcher of Stillness, to resort to the vile heresy of magic. She could feel the wicked, seductive power even now, caressing her like worms in a grave.

Tišina shuddered and groaned, squeezing her eyes shut to block the memories of what she’d seen, what she’d felt in the non-place as she’d been forced to teleport to save her own life. She knew magic, of course. One studied one’s enemies and her beloved enemy and his allies swam in the cesspool of sorcery like eels in sewage.

And that was the trap, to be sure. That was the siren song the corruption used to lure weak willed lesser beings into its inescapable clutches. The sweet lie, the feeling that one could do anything! The world she’d woken to was drenched in it, drowning in it, like a child trapped at the bottom of a river.

Tišina’s claws flexed and clenched as she wept, longing to rip out the throat of the abomination. But that wasn’t possible. Clearly her beloved enemy had plunged the world into chaos, opening the floodgates and welcoming the slimy deceitful horror with open arms. While she had slept in defeat he had destroyed the entire world, leaving nothing more than its moldy rotting corpse for creatures like that that one-horned goat to root among the remains like a pig in slop.

And there was nothing Tišina could do. The rot had gone too far. The world was done, and there was no saving it.

No saving it…

Tišina’s good eye opened and her sobbing ceased as her body stilled. She forgot to breathe.

No saving it…

The epiphany entranced her as she beheld the answer. So simple. So beautiful. So—so elegant. She smiled gently and began to think.

ooOoo

Tourmaline stumbled tiredly into Hayfield just as the sun was coming up. She moved to the center of the village and drew a deep breath, preparing herself. Then she let loose with a neighing scream that let the horror and the grief and the terror she’d been fighting each step of the last five miles explode in one ghastly shriek.

Even before she stopped from lack of breath, before the echoes of her pain died away, doors were being yanked open and ponies were boiling from every house. That neigh had been a cry for help, backed by all the earth magic Tourmaline could throw into it.

It reached down into the bones of every earth pony in earshot and yanked them out of their houses, stallions wild-eyed and ready to fight, mares snorting and searching frantically for the pony in such dire straits, colts and fillies cowering in fear while their parents dealt with whatever awfulness had prompted that cry for help.

They found Tourmaline waiting, head lowered and sides heaving, her misery plain in the way she trembled and shook.

After she recovered her strength she told them about Rockton, about little Gypsum staring up from his bed in frozen surprise, the horror on Feldspar’s face. She told them how every one of her neighbors had been turned to that peculiar green glistening stone. She begged them to send word to Canterlot, so Princess Celestia could come and restore her friends.

They chose Swift Grass, the fastest pony in Hayfield to gallop to Frosty Meadows, the closest town where pegasi could be found.

That’s why Sky Dancer, a long distance airmail pony, found himself soaring northeast toward the capital, rainbow mane streaming in the wind of his passage. He angled upward to the thinner air where his oversized wings gave him a boost in speed and made flying easier.

Canterlot was a good hundred miles away, and he’d never flown so far without resting before. But after what Swift Grass told him he doubted he be able to sleep for a week.

Narrowing his red eyes the pegasus settled in for a long flight.

The Price Of Joy

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In which Pinkie Pie gets bad news, Celestia loves and tolerates the crap out of trolls, and then eats a soufflé.

Faerie Mist took pity on the group and found a suite where they could settle down and sleep in peace. They didn’t wake up until a loud pounding on the suite’s door roused Teagan who had slept on a luxurious couch in the main room.

“Huh—what—hmm?” She struggled from a deep sleep to open bleary eyes.

The knock came again. It was loud and had overtones that promised the knocker would keep right on pounding until the door was opened. It had attitude, did that knock.

“All right, I’m coming, I’m coming!” Teagan yelled in annoyance. She stomped over to the door and yanked it open, revealing a blank-faced royal guard pony.

“Lady Teagan, Princess Celestia extends her apologies and asks that you, Lieutenant Sanders, and Investigator Lewis attend her immediately.”

“What about Twilight and the others?” Teagan asked, rubbing her face with both hands to kick start her brain.

“Her Highness wishes to allow the Bearers to rest as long as possible.” The guard said in a neutral voice that conveyed nothing.

“All right, let me get them. Won’t you come in?” Teagan offered. She tried to remember which doors the two humans were behind. Frankly, she hadn’t paid that much attention before crashing.

Her first guess was lucky. She found Evelyn curled in bed, sleeping peacefully.

“Hey, Evelyn.” Teagan said, shaking the woman gently. The PI woke with a start, twisting around quickly.

She relaxed when she saw it was only Teagan.

“What time is it?” She asked, blinking the sleep from her eyes.

“Mid-morning, I think.” Teagan said. “Princess Celestia wants to see us.”

“Why?” Evelyn sat up and stretched, cracking her shoulders. Like Teagan she’d slept fully dressed, she slipped out of bed and started putting on her shoes and socks.

“The guard didn’t say.” Teagan said, watching as the woman grabbing the shoulder holster from the bedpost and slipped into it.

“Well, I’m ready. What about Matt and the Mane 6?” Evelyn asked, shrugging into her jacket.

“The princess wants to let the ponies sleep, just you, me and Matt.” Teagan said as she cautiously opened the second door, closing it softly when she found a snoring Applejack. Third time lucky she found Matt.

“Hey, Matt. Rise and shine, soldier boy.” She said from the doorway. One of the first things he’d taught her was never wake a soldier by touching them.

“Out in two.” He responded, as though he’d already been awake for hours. She closed the door and went over to the pony patiently waiting just inside the door.

“Did the Princess happen to say why she wanted to see us?”

“No, Lady Teagan.” The guard responded. “Only that sooner would be better.”

“That doesn’t sound promising.” Evelyn commented worriedly.

Matt was out in considerably less than two minutes and the guard pony led them to a small room on the ground floor well away from the public part of the castle. There they found Princess Celestia, Subtle Dancer and a yellow pegasus with a rainbow colored mane and tail, although his colors were intermingled instead of Rainbow Dash’s spectrum. He had four birds for a cutie mark.

“Lady Teagan, I’m so sorry for disturbing your rest, but Sky Dancer has brought us grave news.” Princess Celestia said in a distracted voice.

“What happened?” She looked between the alicorn and the pegasus.

“Sky Dancer tell her what you told us.”

“Yes, Your Highness.” The yellow pegasus said nervously. “I’d just landed in Frosty Meadows, that’s about a hundred miles southwest of here, when an earth pony named Swift Grass came thundering into the post office. He was lathered something fierce. He said an old pony named Tourmaline, a rock farmer’s widow, came into town and let out a shriek that woke everypony for miles.”

“He told me Tourmaline told them everypony in Rockton was turned to stone! All except her, that is. She woke up and found them that way. Said they was green and icy-smooth, not like normal cockatrice victims. Said whatever it was tore the roofs open to get inside the houses. But she never heard nothin’ cause she’s kind of deaf now.”

Teagan felt her stomach clench. The look on her face made Sky Dancer take a step back.

“I flew all the way here without stopping! Swift Grass, well he like to have collapsed he ran so hard. I’m just tellin’ you what he told me, ma’am.”

“Tišina?” She asked Celestia, dreading the answer.

“It appears so. However from what I can gather she attacked Rockton before she came here.” The princess replied.

“You know who did it, Your Highness?” Sky Dancer asked, wide eyed. His wings fluttered a bit before refolding.

“I believe so, Sky Dancer. Fly back to Frosty Meadows and let them know I will be coming on the morrow to render assistance.”

“Thank you, Your Highness!” The pegasus said gratefully, wings flaring in joy. “Right away, Princess!” He trotted out of the room, Celestia staring after him with her mouth half open as though she had been planning to say something more.

“Very eager to please.” Matt noted with a small smile.

The sound of hesitant hooves announced the return of the downcast pegasus.

“Um, Princess? Which way is out?” He asked, not daring to meet her eye.

“Please escort Sky Dancer to the nearest landing platform.” She instructed a royal guard. Without changing expression the guard bowed and led the self-conscious pegasus away.

“Poor guy.” Teagan said, shaking her head. “So, Your Highness, why did you want to meet with just us and not the Mane 6?”

“Mane 6?” Celestia asked, blinking.

“Um, the Bearers, Your Highness.” Evelyn said quickly. “On the—um—well, there are six of them you see and they get the most attention. It’s a bit of a brony pun.”

“I see.” The princess said carefully. “Thank you, Evelyn. I must admit bronies and pegasisters have some—unusual—vocabulary.”

“We do.” Evelyn admitted. “Your Highness, would I be wrong to think there’s a reason you didn’t want the ponies here for this? Pinkie Pie in particular?”

“You know something?” Teagan asked the PI curiously.

“I hope I’m wrong. Rockton, where rock farmers live? Ring any bells?” Evelyn asked with a raised eyebrow. It took Teagan a second.

“Oh God. Pinkie’s parents. And her sisters…in Rockton, right?” Teagan asked the princess, who nodded sadly. “No wonder you didn’t want her to know. She’s already on the edge—this could put her in full Flat Hair mode.”

“That’s what I was thinking.” Evelyn said, nodding. “Cupcakes-level Flat Hair mode.”

Teagan shuddered.

“Am I the only one who’s not been briefed on this?” Matt asked mildly.

“Pinkamena is a wonderful pony, Lieutenant. She is the Bearer of Laughter.” Princess Celestia said carefully. “But sometimes, well, she gets a bit—upset.”

“I think the word you’re groping for is psychotic, Your Highness.” Evelyn said. “Matt, something like this? Losing her family? Think Gotham City. Think Joker. Think Sweeny Todd.”

“Oh. That would be bad.” He said with barely a pause.

“No, really?” Evelyn said drily. “You do have a gift for understatement. Pinkie Pie’s been known to break the fourth wall, Matt.”

“Not to mention Twilight “Magical Prodigy” Sparkle has completely given up trying to figure out how Pinkie pulls off half of the stunts she does.” Teagan put in. “We don’t want Pinkie—upset. Oh dear.” She fell silent, looking at the ceiling.

“Whatcha doing, guys?” Pinkie asked, grinning while hanging upside down from the ceiling via large suction cups strapped to her hooves.

ooOoo

Tišina was lost in concentration, planning best how to accomplish her goal. She no longer wept, no longer trembled. Had anyone been present and able to see her in the inky blackness of the cave they would have seen her apparently immobile, staring at nothing.

In reality she was allowing her body to heal. It had been twelve hours since her disastrous attempt to kill that annoying horse. Her eye was nearly complete again, the lead slug that had damaged it having already been pushed out.

In a way that small bit of lead bothered her more than losing her eye had. There was no hint of corruption around the pellet, which meant it had not been propelled by magic. Nor did the sore places on her back where the other pellets had struck bear any hint of corrupt aura.

If the pellets had not been propelled by magic they must have been propelled using natural laws. Tišina had no idea which laws had been used, but it seemed likely some kind of fire was involved. While fire was not her preferred element she was not against its use, even by the lesser races. Of course that was as long as it wasn’t used against her.

But that posed a puzzle. The pink pony that had swatted her from the sky reeked of magic and worse, chaos, just like her beloved enemy. But the explosions that crippled her wing had been magic-free.

Only one of the three tiny exotic creatures was tainted by magic, the female that always carried the club across her back. It was the club that was the source of the corruption. The older male had been there, using some kind of weapon. She supposed he was the source of the lead pellets.

He would have to die, of course, for the insult to her person. But the younger female came first, and before her that damnable horse.

Of course once Tišina accomplished her goal everything would be resolved anyway…

But still, it was clear the tiny exotics came from a place where magic was not practiced. Tišina sighed in longing. Such a place would be heaven to her. This current world had already been consumed by Hell, so let it burn. But if there was another world…

She returned to designing the intricate portal array that would bring this world’s fate to pass, a sense of fragile peace in her traumatized soul letting her concentrate.

ooOoo

“Good morning, Pinkamena.” Princess Celestia said, outwardly serene. “Would you like to join us? You must be hungry.”

“Thanks!” Pinkie splooched noisily across the ceiling and down the wall, pausing to remove her suction cups. Matt’s expression showed only mild interest and Evelyn was poker faced.

After her initial shock Teagan forced herself to assume a mild expression, though inwardly she was cringing.

“Are your friends awake yet?” The princess asked with a warm smile.

“Nope. Rainbow Dash just muttered about how random I was then turned over and went back to sleep. I figured the others needed their beauty rest but I was too bored to sleep. So I tried out my new ceiling walkers and came looking for you guys!” She beamed at them happily. “So whatcha doin’?”

“Pinkie, mind if I ask you a question?” Matt asked in a calm friendly voice.

“Ooh! Are we playing 20 questions? I love that game!” Pinkie enthused. “Sure Matt! It’s bigger than a breadbox!”

Matt considered her answer seriously for a moment, and then said, “No, Pinkie what I wanted to ask was how you felt about Tišina.”

“She’s a big bad Meanie.” Pinkie said, sticking out her tongue. “She’s worse than Discord. She needs to be taught a lesson so she doesn’t try to hurt the Princess ever again.”

“And how would you do that, Pinkie?” Matt asked mildly.

“Use the Elements of Harmony and turn her to stone, just like Discord.” The pink pony’s answer was immediate. “Make sure to put her to sleep first, though. We can’t be mean to her.”

“So using Berry Fudge Gumball isn’t being mean?” He asked lightly, a smile playing around his mouth.

“She’s tough.” Pinkie snorted. “I mean I’d never use Berry on a pony! Not even a dragon, ‘cause it could hurt them. But Tišina’s different, she’s like Discord.”

“How did you know that?” Matt asked, tilting his head. Teagan watched him interrogate Pinkie so skillfully she doubted anyone but herself and Evelyn knew what he was doing.

“Cause the Princess said she was Discord’s sister.” Pinkie replied. “So that means she’s just like him. Well, except she has absolutely no sense of humor.” Pinkie made a face. “Discord might have been a big Meanie but at least he was fun! Tišina’s just a big mean party-pooper!”

“I thought she told us about Tišina being Discord’s sister after the battle?” Matt said, seemingly puzzled.

“Really?” Pinkie seemed baffled for a moment, and then her face lit up. “Oh, that reminds me! Princess, will there be cupcakes for breakfast? ‘Cause I’m really hungry!” She turned toward Celestia and gave her big puppy-dog eyes.

Not, Teagan was relieved to see, her trademark weaponized version, just big hopeful pools of blue with pupils so large you could swim in them...

Princess Celestia laughed and her horn glowed. After a moment the door opened and Fairie Mist stuck her head through.

“Yes, Your Highness?” She asked politely.

“Fairie Mist, would you be kind enough to have breakfast brought to the East room? Make sure there are cupcakes as well, and could you manage a soufflé for me? Wake the Bearers and have them join us, please.”

“At once, Your Highness.” Fairie Mist bobbed her head and withdrew, closing the door behind her.

“So you don’t hate Tišina?” Matt asked, resuming the interrogation.

“Hate her? I don’t hate anypony, Silly!” Pinkie said. “My talent is making ponies laugh and have fun. Hating somebody isn’t any fun. So I don’t.”

“I guess you’re right. But sometimes people can do bad things. Like when Discord tried to hurt the princess, or humiliate the Squirt here, or hurt Fluttershy.”

Pinkie shrugged. “That wasn’t really Discord, you know. It was Nightmare. And the Princess dealt with that. Nopony ended up hurt in the end—well, except for Nightmare. And nopony cares about Nightmare. I’m glad Discord got to go to sleep. He wasn’t having any fun. I guess the world just changed too much from what he was used to.”

Matt studied the pony who stared back, grinning.

“This is a fun game, Matt. What’s it called?” Pinkie asked.

“Self Reflection.” He answered without missing a beat. “I enjoy playing it, I’m glad you like it. Want to play some more?”

“Sure!” She said enthusiastically.

“How good are you at handling bad news?” He asked. Was it Teagan’s imagination or did the Princess stiffen just a bit? Subtle Dancer definitely did, eyes narrowing. But he took his lead from Celestia and said nothing.

“Pretty good. I mean there’s different kinds of bad news. Like the time my sister Inkie dropped the rock she wanted to give her friend Dewdrop and it broke. That was bad news! She was glooming around for almost a day, and so terrified at how her friend would take it. She never even picked up the pieces until she finally showed Dewdrop what had happened. Dewdrop picked up a piece and found it was a geode! So the bad news had a happy ending.”

“Or take the time that Discord kidnapped Teelo. That was really bad news! Only ‘cause he did that we got to meet a new friend! So the bad news was actually good news in the end!”

“Have you ever had really bad news, news so bad you couldn’t deal with it?”

“Well, once.” Pinkie admitted uncomfortably. “When I thought my friends didn’t like my parties and didn’t want to be my friends anymore. But I was just being silly! It turns out the reason they were avoiding me was because they wanted to throw me a surprise party! I learned a valuable lesson that day. Always trust your friends, because your friends always have your best interests at heart!”

She tilted her head. “So what bad news do you want to give me, Matt?”

“What makes you think I have bad news, Pinkie?”

“I’m goofy, not stupid.” She said, chuckling. “And Self Reflection isn’t the only game I know, you know. I know lots of games.” She gave Matt the most adorable smile.

“I need you to promise me you won’t do something—rash.” Matt said, turning serious. “The ladies seem to think you’ll take it badly.”

“What do you think?” She asked, trying to make a serious face, but dissolving into laughter.

“I think you can handle it.” Matt said, sitting back and relaxing.

“So? What’s this terrible news?” She asked, taking a deep breath and calming down.

“Princess?” Matt inquired.

“I trust your judgment in this, Matthew.” She said after the briefest hesitation. The soldier nodded.

“Pinkie, it appears Tišina attacked Rockton last night before she attacked us. Everyone in your village was turned to stone except for Tourmaline.”

“Really?” Pinkie asked, blinking. “Why did you think I’d be upset?”

“You aren’t?” Matt asked, letting his surprise show for just an instant.

“Of course not! I mean Twilight got turned to stone, and so did one of Fluttershy’s chickens. Discord’s been stoned three times now. So why should I be upset? Princess Celestia will turn them back and then everything will be Okie-dokie-lokie! Of course, with some of the ponies in Rockton it might be hard to tell.” She giggled. “They have such hard heads already!”

Teagan breathed a sigh of relief, sharing a glance with Evelyn.

They missed the flash of unease that crossed Celestia’s face.

“Well, everypony, why don’t we move this to the East room so we can eat?” Celestia asked brightly.

Pinkie fell in with Matt and started chatting happily to him. Evelyn listened with half an ear as she fell back to pace the Princess. Teagan started talking to Subtle Dancer quietly.

“Can you turn them back, Your Highness?” The PI asked in a low voice.

“I don’t know.” The princess admitted. “If they had been stoned by an ordinary cockatrice it would be simple enough. Even the stoning from the Elements of Harmony can be undone. If Tišina’s venom turned them to stone the spell I used to escape should free them. But I can’t know for sure until I try.”

“I’m worried that Tišina might try a direct attack while you’re traveling to Rockton.” Evelyn murmured. “Berry Fudge Gumball is the only weapon we have that can hurt her. But that means you’d have to take Pinkie with you. If you can’t manage to turn them back—well, it would be bad. Really, really bad. You’d lose the Elements of Harmony.”

“How do you know all this, Investigator Lewis?” The princess asked curiously. “I’m confused how you seem to know Pinkamena so intimately, yet you only met her yesterday.”

“How much do you know about bronies, Your Highness?” Evelyn asked, debating where she wanted this conversation to go and how much credibility she was going to lose in the next few minutes.

“Not a great deal, only what Lady Teelo and you have said on the subject. Bronies are friends of Equestria. They seem to know a great deal about us, which I don’t understand. The Bridge of Days has been closed for over a thousand years. Our realms are completely separate.”

“Not completely.” Evelyn said carefully. “I honestly don’t know the details, but clearly someone can see what happens in Equestria. That someone obviously become involved with people in my world who create—well I guess you’d call them plays, Your Highness. They aren’t exactly plays like you have here, but the concept is similar. These plays are created using an optical illusion called animation. If you draw a bunch of drawings, say a galloping pony, and you make each one just a little different, then when you ruffle through the drawings quickly it gives the illusion that the pony is actually moving.”

“I’ve seen that trick before.” Celestia said, nodding.

“Good, then you know what I’m talking about. We call plays made this way cartoons. So far there have been a series of about 50 of these cartoons made, starting with Twilight Sparkle coming to Ponyville and ending with the defeat of the Queen of the Changelings and the royal wedding. That’s about two years worth of plays.”

“Hmm. And these plays show the lives of Twilight and her friends?” Celestia asked.

“In great detail, Your Highness.” Evelyn confirmed.

“How great a detail, Investigator Lewis?” Celestia asked with a hint of concern in her voice. Evelyn hesitated before taking the plunge.

“Enough detail that I heard you tell Twilight to run when Fluttershy stampeded the animals through the Gala.” Evelyn said. “The really uncanny part is your real voice and the voice used in the plays are identical. Not just you, but everyone else as well. Twilight, Fluttershy, even Luna. I mean, Princess Luna.” She corrected herself hastily.

Princess Celestia chuckled.

“I find it refreshing to hear someone neglect my sister’s title.” She confided. “I love her dearly, but Luna tends to be so formal all the time.”

Evelyn kept reminding herself the alicorn pacing beside her was a thousand years old. She was a princess, a ruling sovereign, and a sun goddess. Celestia’s friendly manor made it easy to forget all that. But other ponies did not take kindly to people being too familiar with their princess.

“The royal wedding was six months ago.” Princess Celestia said, continuing the conversation. “And I sent Twilight to Ponyville nearly four years ago.”

“Hmm. I guess it takes time to convert the news from Equestria into cartoons.” Evelyn responded. “Cartoon episodes happen once a week, for twenty-six weeks a year. That gives the cartoonists time to create new ones.”

“I suppose such art forms would be time consuming.” The princess said thoughtfully. She walked several more paces before speaking again.

“Have you seen enough in these cartoons to understand Pinkamena then?”

“Yes, Your Highness.” Evelyn said, nodding. “Pinkie is a brony favorite, but there’s no question her stability is—fragile.”

“I see. How fragile, exactly?” Her tone was neutral, and still friendly, but something made Evelyn wary.

“I believe she could turn violent, Your Highness. Dangerously so, even to her friends.”

“How dangerous?” Celestia asked in a tone that brooked no evasion.

“Cruel and vicious. Murderous. Even cannibalistic.” Evelyn said quietly.

“Pinkamena?” Celestia asked incredulously, a little louder than she intended.

“Yes, Princess?” Pinkie asked over her shoulder, smiling happily.

“What flavor cupcakes are your favorites?” Celestia asked, flawlessly shifting gears. There was no hint of the shock she’d just felt.

“Oh, gee, that’s a toughie!” The pony replied. “They’re all so yummy! I love the strawberry ones, and the vanilla ones, and the chocolate ones and the—”

“And the cupcake ones?” Teagan teased.

“Yeah! Those are my favorites! The cupcake flavored ones, Your Highness!” Pinkie said, grinning.

“Thank you, Pinkamena.” Celestia said smoothly. Pinkie Pie returned to her conversation and Celestia picked up where she and Evelyn had left off.

“I can’t believe even under the most extreme circumstances that Pinkamena could descend to that level of hideous behavior, Investigator Lewis.” She said quietly.

“If it were any other pony I’d agree with you, Your Highness.” Evelyn said equally quietly. “But Pinkie Pie isn’t like other ponies. She’s an earth pony that can use oddball magic that not even unicorns can. She breaks the fourth wall, and her mental instability is a constant subject of debate in the brony community.”

“What do you mean by breaking the fourth wall?” Celestia asked curiously. “I’ve heard you and Lady Teelo use the expression a number of times.”

“It means that in the cartoon she talks to the audience.” Evelyn said. “You understand? She speaks directly to the bronies.”

“Really?” Celestia blinked. “Surely that’s artistic license? The artists having a joke? She can’t know about the watchers, surely?”

“Before yesterday I knew Equestria was just a story created to sell little pony figurines, Your Highness. Today I know Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria. What will I know tomorrow?”

“Hmm.” The princess looked thoughtful. “We could always ask her about the fourth wall, I suppose.”

“This is Pinkie Pie we’re talking about, Your Highness. Do you really want to know?” Evelyn asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Good point.” Celestia admitted. “She’s always been—different. But I cannot believe she’d ever hurt anyone.”

“Tell that to Discord and Tišina.” Evelyn said drily. “Pinkie’s awfully fond of big booms, Your Highness. Now I freely admit it would take a serious blow to her psyche to make her lose it. But I saw her that time she thought she’d lost her friends. It wasn’t pretty. If she thought she lost her entire family—well it worries me. A lot.”

“I’ll keep your concerns in mind, Investigator. But I must say I don’t envy you having to think the way you do just to do your job.”

They came into the East room to find a large array of food spread out.

“Oh, I don’t know, Your Highness.” Evelyn broke into a radiant smile. “It has its high points. I got to meet you. Do you know how many bronies would give their eye teeth to do that?”

“Oh dear. Really?” Celestia seemed to take Evelyn’s comment literally and it clearly disturbed her. “Well, Evelyn, we should eat before the food gets cold.”

These bronies are the strangest creatures I’ve ever met, she thought to herself as she spotted a dish with the royal sun on it. Her mouth watered, it had been a long time since lunch.

I’ll worry about it after I eat. She firmly put aside her cares long enough to lift the lid and look lovingly at her soufflé. She was just about to take a bite of the delectable egg and cheese concoction when she spotted Faerie Mist bearing down on her.

Or rather heard her.

How a pony so light on her hooves can stomp like that is amazing. She should be bouncing in the air with every step, she thought, wondering what had put the pegasus in such a foul mood.

Celestia watched her lady-in-waiting advance, each delicate hoof striking the floor with a loud crack. It sounded like an angry thunderstorm approaching.

Remembering her food Celestia rapidly stuffed the morsel in her mouth so she’d at least get to taste her dinner. From the flashes of light accompanying those thunderous hoof impacts against marble Celestia could tell the pegasus was so upset her innate weather magic was manifesting itself.

That couldn’t be good.

By now everyone in the room had turned to watch the lavender pony approach the princess.

“Your Highness.” Faerie Mist bowed stiffly, wings raised slightly from her back. Little sparks danced in her yellow mane and over her feathered wings.

“Hello, Faerie Mist. Thank you for finding this delicious soufflé for me. I’m famished.” Celestia said in an innocent tone, taking another bite.

“The troll delegation has returned, Your Highness.” She growled. “They demand an audience. Immediately.”

“Do they?” Celestia asked coolly. “Snøskred Mot Lyn hasn’t had time to return to his king. I can’t imagine what brings them back to Canterlot so soon.” She took another bite of her soufflé, considering the matter.

“Very well. Assemble the court, Faerie Mist. Make sure the entire council is there, as well as all nobles of the rank of baron or higher. We must honor our guests properly. It would be an insult to greet the Snøskred with anything less than a full court, would it not?” Celestia smiled gently.

“That might take some time, Your Highness.” Faerie Mist’s wings had folded and the sparks no longer danced in her mane or around her feet. A small smile was playing around her muzzle.

“Really? How unfortunate. How long do you think it will take?” Celestia asked in concern, her eyes twinkling.

“At least a day, Princess. Many of the nobles have left the court and would have to be summoned from the countryside.”

“Oh dear. Well, at least we can provide the Snøskred and his party accommodations for the night.” Celestia smiled. “How unfortunate that the Ghrian suite is no longer free. Lady Teelo and her companions will be using it for the foreseeable future. Between the three humans and the six Bearers there’s no other suite large enough. I surely could not insult the troll delegation by asking them to share the suite. No, that absolutely would not do.”

“I believe the Gealaí Suite is available. It’s not quite as lavish, of course…” By now the lavender pegasus’s eyes were dancing.

“I’m sure the Snøskred will understand if we tell him the Ghrian suite is being used by the wielder of Mountain Heart.” Celestia said. “He is, after all a reasonable creature.”

Faerie Mist’s eyebrows rose.

“For a troll.” Celestia added belatedly. “I trust you’ll have Pinstripe Tock make the arrangements?”

“I’ll ask him to arrange it personally, Your Highness.” There was laughter lurking in her words.

The thought of Pinstripe Tock advising the Snøskred of the situation made Celestia pause, somewhat concerned.

“Better have Shining Armor at that meeting as well.” Celestia said delicately. “We must make sure the trolls know we hold their security as our highest priority.”

“I understand, Your Highness. Enjoy your dinner.” Faerie Mist bowed, but not before the Princess saw the smirk on her lady-in-waiting’s face.

“Thank you, Faerie Mist. I certainly plan to.”

As the pegasus withdrew Celestia returned to her delicious meal, firmly putting aside her duties and concerns long enough to finish the soufflé. She rewarded herself with the rare indulgence of two spice cupcakes, courtesy of the Snøskred’s return.

But all too soon it was time for her to worry why the troll had done so…

Trolling

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In which Pinkie Pie’s faith is rewarded and the Snøskred’s patience is tried.

“Your Highness, this is most unwise.” Subtle Dancer said fretfully. “The trolls have returned and no doubt Tišina lies in wait for exactly this kind of opportunity. If she attacks the Sun Shield won’t be able to stop her. And while Pinkamena’s unorthodox weapon proved effective in our last encounter there’s no telling what magical defenses that monster may possess now that she knows of the threat.”

“She was badly hurt.” Princess Celestia replied as they stepped out into the bright morning sunshine. “The Lieutenant’s incredibly noisy weapon blinded one eye and she lost part of her tail when the portal collapsed. Not to mention she only has one wing now. I doubt she’ll be up to a mid-air battle, Subtle Dancer.”

“She is Discord’s sister, Your Highness. No doubt she has the same level of regeneration he does. Do not underestimate her.”

“No chance of that. She nearly killed me.” The alicorn reminded her companion. “I’m not going to hold back if she does attack. I don’t dare. Too much is at stake.”

The unicorn bowed his head as the dread of what his sovereign had just said blew through his soul like wind off a glacier.

“As for the trolls, don’t worry. I’ll be back before the court can be assembled. If the Snøskred obliterates protocol in his impatience then Luna can deal with him. Lady Teelo will be here with Crush. No troll will dare anything against the wielder of the King’s Wrath.”

“Bevis Mot Lyn is no ordinary troll, Your Highness. I trust him less than the young Troll King—whom I trust not at all.”

“My sister and I both share your opinion of the Snøskred, Subtle Dancer.” Celestia replied with a chuckle as she stepped into her personal chariot. “Luna will not allow him to cause mischief. But even if my sister and Lady Teelo together prove unable to contain him then Crush certainly will.”

“Assuming we can trust Crush—who does not like ponies, Your Highness.” The unicorn reminded her. “Magical weapons of such power are unreliable. Crush was created by trolls to serve their king. And though she bested Discord, Lady Teagan is no troll—for all she resembles them more than she does us.”

“True.” Princess Celestia nodded. “But Lady Teelo has proven her heart lies with us. She said Crush won’t desert her. Have a little faith, Subtle Dancer. Besides, there’s always Sun Hammer.”

Her smile was dazzling.

The unicorn couldn’t help a snort of laughter. He watched the four pegasi wheel the large chariot around and start their takeoff run. The rising chariot was joined by a dozen others and the entire flight turned southwest toward the stricken settlement. Pinkie was in the chariot flying to the Princess’s immediate left. She was hanging off the side of the chariot, mane streaming in the wind of their passage, whooping in delight.

“A little faith?” He muttered as the only real defense the princess possessed started singing about pizza pie in the sky. With diamonds.

“Celestia preserve us.” He shuddered.

ooOoo

“I grow annoyed, Dalen.” The troll ambassador growled to the short slender troll.

“Patience, Snøskred. No doubt it was your brashness that earned us this very pleasant prison in the first place.” The other troll replied mildly, idly popping a grape in his mouth. “The food isn’t bad, though. You should try it.”

Bevis snorted.

“Bah. These ponies are hopeless! We must honor you properly, Snøskred Mot Lyn.” He mimicked that insufferable pony with the golden pocket watch on his flank. “We would never dream of insulting such a highly ranked and honored guest. Imagine, having you meet with the Princess without the full court present! That would be unforgivable! Stupid ponies.”

“Well, you are the direct representative of the King, Snøskred. And Pinstripe Tock did say the court was being recalled as rapidly as they could manage.” Dalen pointed out, eyeing the fruit basket to see if it contained any more oranges. He had discovered he was terribly fond of the strange round fruit.

“The Princess knows trolls don’t hold with such fripperies.” The ambassador sighed. “No, you’re right. I was rash. Celestia is punishing us for my indiscretion. I suppose we should be grateful the horse is only making us wait one day.”

“You could speak with Princess Luna.” The small troll pointed out mildly.

“To what end? Everyone knows she’s co-ruler in name only. Celestia is the real power on the throne. Without her approval we have no hope of getting Mountain Heart back. Are you’re sure you sensed it, Alene Dalen?”

“I have said this thing, Snøskred.” The small troll turned steady eyes on the larger one. “Turgåere på den skjulte banen ikke si ting de er usikre på.” His tone held warning.

“Your pardon, Dalen.” The large troll waved his clawed hand distractedly. “I hardly know what to think. On the left, Princess Celestia clearly does raise the sun and her sister the moon. But on the right she assured us Mountain Heart was no longer in the world. Yet not two days later you suddenly sensed it near Canterlot. Celestia is many things and not above lying, but I am not a new born babe unable to tell truth from fiction. Besides, what motive could she have to deceive us in such a manner?”

“It is not certain she did, Snøskred.” The slender troll picked up another grape, the tips of his claws delicately piercing the fruit.

“Tell me the way of it then.” Bevis lowered himself on a couch made especially for him—or so that stiff necked Pinstripe Tock had asserted.

“It is possible to lie by telling the literal truth, my friend.” Dalen said, considering the grape. “The princess is not stupid. She has ruled her land for a thousand years. She knows lying to us about Mountain Heart would lead to war if we discovered it. Therefore rest assured what she told us is the literal truth.”

“She said Mountain Heart was not in the world.” Bevis said. “So what? Assuming she was telling the truth then where is the lie?”

“She said it was not in the world.” Dalen agreed. “More specifically, she said she did not have it to give to you. For courtesy, let us assume this is true. The question then becomes, if she doesn’t have it, who does?”

“This so-called Lady Teagan, the one who fought Discord.” Bevis said. “I find such a thing hard to credit. Especially given the wild stories I’ve heard about that fight.”

“Precisely, old friend. Do you know where Lady Teagan is now?” Dalen closed his fingers, catching the four slivers of grape as they fell with a quick flip of his wrist. He popped them into his mouth, enjoying the tartness.

“Back in the world she came from? Where are you going with this?” Bevis watched the other troll closely.

“She is not. In point of fact the reason we are in the Gealaí Suite and not the Ghrian Suite is because Lady Teagan and the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony occupy the latter.”

“How—interesting.” Bevis said, eyes narrowing. “Such convenient timing, is it not?”

“Bevis, Bevis, Bevis.” Dalen shook his head sadly. “You are such a splendid physical specimen of our race. But I truly thought you were clever as well. Did your mother not escape that last cave-in before giving birth to you?”

If any other troll had said that to him there would have been violence. But the two of them had known each other too long. Bevis simply rolled his eyes.

“Yes, yes, we both know which of us is the more clever, Alene. So enlighten this thick-headed simpleton. What are you talking about?”

“I, as you know, am not the imposing physical paragon that you are.” Dalen said, examining his claw tips. He delicately licked a spot of grape juice from one. “I do not growl and I do not stamp my feet. I am also unfailingly polite. As such, the pony servants are not afraid to talk to me. I expended a great deal of time and effort to insure that this was so. Unlike your constant displays of growling and stamping about.”

“Stamping trolls are stupid trolls.” Bevis chuckled. “Every pony knows that, Alene. Especially Duke Shimmerling.”

“Hmm. Yes, well I think you would do it even without that excuse, old friend. However, to answer your question. There is an earth pony named Buttercup. She’s the one who serves us our meals. Quite friendly, and very helpful. Just brimming with the milk of pony kindness. And she does so love to gossip.”

“Why should I care which stallion keeps which mares, Dalen? I assure you my interest in such matters is reserved for my own species.” Bevis said drily.

“And I had such hopes for you.” Dalen said, shaking his head sadly. “Ponies are very open about that sort of thing, Bevis. No, the gossip that I refer to is far more interesting. Specifically, do you know where Princess Celestia is at the moment?”

“In her chambers or dealing with matters of state, no doubt.” Bevis said slowly. “Or so I would assume. Where else would a monarch be?”

“According to Buttercup the Princess is in fact flying to the aid of a small settlement far to the south. Apparently the entire population was turned to stone.”

“An entire settlement?” Bevis asked, startled. “I hadn’t realized Equestria had such a plague of cockatrices. Nasty beasts.” His face showed disgust.

“You know very little about cockatrices I take it?” Dalen asked, raising an eyebrow.

“They turn you to stone with a stare or a touch.” Bevis said, shrugging. “What else do you need to know? Other than where they are so you can be elsewhere.” He almost shuddered.

“Did I forget to mention the culprit ripped open the roofs of their houses? Good, solid, wooden roofs. Quite sturdy.”

“I don’t believe you did.” Bevis said with a glare.

“My apologies, Snøskred. Great gaping holes, large enough to be made by a dragon. But cockatrices are quite small, you know.” Dalen said conversationally. “Not quite the length of your arm. And while they wield fearsomely potent magic their physical strength is quite minimal. Then there’s the fact the victims are green rather than gray, and smooth, not rough. Like ice, Buttercup said.”

“That’s not funny, Dalen.” Bevis said, suddenly turning deadly serious.

“No, it isn’t.” Dalen agreed, his good humor vanishing. “Imagine my chagrin hearing those words from a pony who had no idea what they meant. It lacks dignity, somehow.”

He sighed.

“Whether Mountain Heart is held by the trolls, or the ponies, or Lady Teagan, is no longer important, old friend. This was such a lovely world, too. I quite enjoyed it. Pity it’s going to be gone soon.”

He stared sadly at the lack of oranges in the fruit basket.

ooOoo

The chariot flight landed on the outskirts of Rockton. An old mare limped out to meet them. She was conspicuously alone.

“Greetings, Your Highness.” Tourmaline tried to bow but couldn’t quite complete the gesture, her legs too stiff from age and over exertion. Tourmaline rose from the half-completed bow with a wince, her face settling into a dignified expression.

“You are Tourmaline, my little pony?” Celestia asked gently, ignoring both the failed attempt to bow and the wince that followed it.

“Yes, Your Highness. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you’re here. I pray you can help us, and punish whoever did this to my friends.”

“Take me to them.” Celestia said. Nodding the other pony turned and limped away. The princess said nothing as she slowly followed the near-lame pony into the settlement.

Twilight Sparkle paced beside her mentor and said quietly. “Shouldn’t we help her? And where are the ponies from Hayfield? Shouldn’t they be here?”

“She probably commanded them to stay away, lest the same fate befall them.” Celestia answered in a voice Twilight could barely hear. “As for helping her, she would not thank us for noticing her distress, my faithful student. Rock farmers are proud ponies and do not accept help easily. The fact she went for help at all is telling.”

The pony led them to a green statue standing in a field. Twilight swallowed when she saw the statue’s expression.

“This is Feldspar Walker, Your Highness.” The aged pony said. “Husband to Topaz Walker and father of little Gypsum. He was the first one I found. Topaz and Gypsum are in the house.”

“All of you please stand back.” The princess instructed the group. “Twilight, stay with me to observe the spell. Spring Water, we may need your skills once the spell is undone. Be ready.”

“Yes, Your Highness.” The healer said, shrugging off her saddlebags and opening them. Her two assistants did likewise.

Tourmaline and the Sun Shield backed away, leaving plenty of space around the Princess and Twilight as they stood next to the statue. Spring Water and the other healers were closer but still not within ten feet of the pair and the statue.

“This magic is almost certainly beyond you.” The princess cautioned her student. “It requires almost no power but involves levels of control you haven’t achieved yet. Don’t try to help, just watch what I do.”

“Yes, Princess.” Twilight said, her eyes gleaming with interest, even as she felt her stomach churn whenever she caught sight of the statue’s expression. She tried not to think about Tišina.

“First, you need to cast Morning Glory’s Magnificent Magnification.” Celestia said as her horn didn’t so much glow as briefly glitter. The princess’s purple eyes changed into clouds of glittering and swirling rainbow light.

Twilight let her teacher’s mind slip into her own, so that she was seeing from Celestia’s eyes as she so often did when the princess taught her magic. It was a level of trust rarely extended between teacher and student and Twilight was acutely aware of the honor the princess did her.

“Now we go deeper, my student.” Twilight watched as Celestia’s field of view zoomed in further and further. She had used this spell before to study the tiny world found in a drop of water so she was not disturbed as their shared view turned green. She waited as the zoom in continued, and continued, and continued.

“Why isn’t the view clearing, Princess?” She asked quietly.

“What’s the highest magnification you’ve ever used?” The princess asked in reply.

“Once I took it to a hundred times before I lost control.” Twilight answered.

“And as you did that things blurred until you stopped, correct?”

“Yes. How deep are we?”

“Eight hundred times. We’re headed all the way down to 1,500.”

“I thought the theoretical maximum was a thousand, Princess?” Twilight asked as the image continued to be a green blur.

“There’s a trick, of course.” Celestia said with a chuckle. “We’re at a thousand, now watch.”

Suddenly the image cleared, showing a field of green crystal rings, each ring linked to four other rings in a dense three dimensional mesh.

“It’s so beautiful.” Twilight said. “How can something so beautiful be so evil?”

“Evil is not what something is, my faithful student.” Celestia murmured. “Evil is what something is used for. Did you see the focusing trick? A simple bead of magic to bend the light. Unfortunately it’s very tricky to place and you can’t change the depth of magnification. It’s 1,500 and nothing else. But that trick saved my life.”

“So what do we do now?” Twilight asked.

“Each of these rings is a single spell, my student.” Celestia said. “Self contained and perfectly balanced. Individually the rings hold negligible amounts of magic, but the magic is traveling in an uninterrupted circle. Frozen, if you like. Left undisturbed the magic would stay frozen in the ring. Worse, any magic that chances into the maze would curve around itself and become another ring, making the mass of rings grow.”

“This is what Tišina did to you, isn’t it?” Twilight asked, feeling sick.

“This is what she attempted to do.” Celestia corrected her gently. “But I am linked to the Sun itself, my faithful Twilight. That magic is so great it destroyed most of Tišina’s venom before the matrix could form. Unfortunately her venom was powerful enough to isolate me from the Sun, and my magic reservoir was severely depleted. Only the tiniest scraps of magic were left.”

“Then how did you break free?” Twilight asked, confused. “Without magic how could you overcome it?”

“I didn’t say I was completely without magic, only that the vast majority was locked away by the venom. I had about half as much magic as a newborn earth pony. Fortunately, I’ve been a mage for a thousand years. That gave me enough control to cast Morning Glory’s spell and free myself with the technique I’m about to show you.

“But before I do that you have to disengage. Once I free Feldspar there’s going to be a massive magical surge as each of those rings releases its magic all at once. I need you to help me soak up the power. Otherwise—well you remember your entrance exam to the Academy?”

“Vividly.” Twilight said as she gently disengaged her mind from her teacher and started seeing the world through her own eyes. She only kept enough contact to watch what the Princess was about to do.

“We don’t want anypony turned into a potted cactus today, my faithful student.” The Princess said with laughter in her voice. “After Feldspar there are almost forty more unfortunate ponies to free. That’s a pretty good sized garden.”

“I’ll be ready.” Twilight promised, blushing. “Now how is it done?”

“Like this.” Celestia said. She let Twilight feel the delicate magical probe extend toward a ring Twilight could feel but no longer see.

“If you cut the ring at precisely the right angle the magic is freed and blasts through another couple of rings, and then they blast and you have four rings cut, and those four cut eight…and so forth. The entire mesh will unravel in less than a second. Thus the surge.”

“Wow. That’s so elegant. But you’re right. I could never control magic that precisely. You’re amazing, Princess.”

“Just lots of practice, my student. Ready? It’s a really big surge. Don’t try to absorb more than you can safely hold. Channel the rest straight up so the flux doesn’t strike anypony.”

“Yes, Princess.” Twilight said, bracing herself.

She felt the Princess delicately cut the ring.

And then all hell broke loose.

The next thing Twilight knew she was in the middle of the massive storm, her magical senses blinded as the raging gale tried to throw her off her feet. Absorbing it was simply impossible. She concentrated on trying to force the mystical wind upward, but it was like trying to stop a tidal wave—the best she could do was anchor herself and try not to be blown away.

Next to her the Princess soaked up the storm, leaving a calm center to the chaos. Her horn glowed blindingly bright as a pillar of light exploded from the tip and into the sky.

Then it was over.

“Horse apples!” Twilight swore, staggering.

“Watch your language, young filly!” A male voice snapped at her. Blinking she found herself looking at a middle-aged stallion who was glowering at her in disapproval. Then his expression changed to confusion as he looked around. He nearly fainted when he found Celestia staring at him from mere inches away.

“Your Highness?” He gaped, falling into a bow, heedless of the blood seeping from a pair of wounds on his chest.

“Rise, Feldspar Walker.” She said gently. “You’ve had a very bad time, but it’s over now. Everything’s going to be all right.”

She raised her voice. “Spring Water, this pony is hurt. Please tend to his wounds.”

“Yes, Your Highness.” The earth pony grabbed her bag in her teeth and trotted forward.

Feldspar Walker was in a daze. He stared wide eyed as the two deep wounds on his chest were expertly tended by the earth pony. Tourmaline trotted forward, tears in her eyes to greet the stallion.

“Now we just have to do that again—thirty-eight more times.” Celestia said with a sardonic smile.

Twilight shuddered.

“How?” She asked plaintively. “It almost blew me away!”

“You might try Blue Rose’s Thaumaturgic Shade.” The princess suggested. “I admit I wasn’t expecting the surge to be that large. The shade spell should help you direct the force without being exposed to it.”

“What about you?” Twilight asked worriedly. “That spell makes it impossible to handle delicate magic, and you took the brunt of the blast. Forty of those could hurt even you.”

“I’ll be fine, my faithful student.” Celestia assured her. “I am one of the most powerful mages in the world you know.”

“I know, but that was nasty.” Twilight shuddered.

“Shall we restore this poor pony’s wife and child, Twilight?” Celestia asked.

“Won’t it destroy their house if we do? Shouldn’t we carry them outside first?”

“No, that won’t be necessary. Tišina made a large hole in the roof of their house. We’ll let the magic escape through that.”

“If you say so.” Twilight said doubtfully, but willing to trust her teacher.

“Spring Water, we’re going to restore Topaz and Gypsum now.” The princess said to the healer.

“Your Highness, there may be a problem.” Spring Water said unhappily.

“What is it?” Celestia asked, suddenly alert.

“It’s the stab wounds, Your Highness. A healthy adult pony can take that kind of damage and still heal. A young foal could die if they were stabbed in the wrong place.”

“If you inspected the statue before we restored the pony could you tell if there’s any danger?” Celestia asked. Spring Water hesitated by reflex, as unwilling to make promises as any other healer.

“I might be able to tell.” Spring Water finally.

“Then come along you two. I need your help to save Rockton.” Celestia commanded.

Dutifully the two of them followed Princess Celestia into the house.

Humility

View Online

In which trolls prove helpful and innocence may be lost.

Tišina felt the huge blast of magic. Briefly distracted she watched as the cursed horse freed one of her prey. She merely smiled grimly.

That’s right. Waste your time on trivia, stupid beast. It won’t be much longer before you reap the wages of your sin. All of you. So please. Waste all the time you like. It’s not as though you’ve got all that much anyway. You might as well waste it.

She glanced at the growing portal array, and mentally caressed the work in progress.

My wonderful children. So beautiful! Soon you will bask in glory. Soon, I promise. And Mother never breaks a promise…

ooOoo

“This is the last one, Your Highness.” Tourmaline said. “Her name is Garnet Stonespeaker. She’s the daughter of Flint and Blueberry Stonespeaker. Blueberry is Pinkamena’s aunt, making Garnet her first cousin.” She nodded to where the pink pony stood with the rest of the Bearers. Pinkie saw the gesture and waved with a huge smile on her face.

“Dear Pinkamena.” The Princess said with a tender smile. “We’re all very proud of her, Tourmaline. She has served me well these last few years. She’s a hero, you know.”

“Really, Your Highness?” Tourmaline’s eyebrows shot up. “We constantly hear stories of her—heroics.” Tourmaline struggled to keep her face polite before her sovereign.

Pinkamena is a hero to the crown? Really? Tourmaline though to herself.

“Oh yes. She’s one of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony. She helped defeat Discord.” The Princess said, innocently watching Tourmaline.

“Discord! The monster that attacked the capital?” Tourmaline stammered, taking a nervous step back.

“Why yes. In fact, if it hadn’t been for Pinkamena then Discord would certainly have won.” The Princess said sweetly.

“I had no idea, Your Highness!” Tourmaline said, stunned.

The princess leaned down and spoke in a confidential whisper in Tourmaline’s ear.

“In fact, we know that the creature that attacked Rockton also attacked Canterlot last night. Pinkamena was the one who forced it to retreat. After it had broken into my chambers and attacked me!”

Tourmaline’s jaw dropped. She was absolutely speechless.

“If Pinkamena hadn’t been there I might not be here to restore the good ponies of Rockton.” Princess Celestia nodded her head emphatically. “We all owe her our lives, Tourmaline.”

She raised her head and became every inch the solemn ruler most ponies expected her to be.

“Now, let’s get this poor unfortunate filly reunited with her family, shall we? Why don’t you go over and stand with the Bearers so you’ll be safe from the magical backlash? It’s really quite fierce.”

“At—at once, Your Highness!” The old pony stammered, and made her way over to Pinkie as quickly as her aged joints would allow.

“Did you just do something political, Princess?” Spring Water asked suspiciously, watching Pinkie and Tourmaline start to talk.

“I am the ruler of Equestria, my dear Spring Water.” Celestia said lightly. “Everything I do is political in one way or another.” She winked.

“But to answer your question—yes. Yes, I did.”

“Well done, Your Highness.” Spring Water said, a brilliant smile blooming on her muzzle. Twilight looked on in puzzlement.

“Did I miss something?” She asked, looking first at Spring Water then Celestia.

“Ask Pinkamena to tell you why she came to Ponyville when this is all over.” Celestia suggested. “Spring Water, if you could examine Garnet for us?”

“Of course, Princess.” Spring Water turned to the statue, and then frowned, leaning forward to look more closely. Her face lost all expression.

“Your Highness, we have a problem.” She said quietly.

ooOoo

Princess Luna had just finished raising the moon and was settling down to enjoy her meal. The humans had joined her at her invitation, opting for their evening meal as she broke her fast. Since she and her sister had done the same for as long as she could remember the mix of food on the sideboard was comfortingly familiar.

“So, Matthew Sanders, how art thou enjoying thy stay in Equestria thus far?” She asked, trying to make small talk. It was still something she found difficult.

“A great deal, Your Highness.” He said, cutting into what looked like a steak.

Teagan had been shocked to find meat on the sideboard—until the serving pony had tactfully explained that it wasn’t. Given that Canterlot was a cosmopolitan city with all manner of sentient creatures visiting it, some provision had to be made for the carnivores, especially the obligate ones.

So the ponies had done exactly what humans did when a meat-substitute was required. They created it from plants—or rather, had other species create it for them. Given that meat eating was considered a taboo subject among more conservative ponies, expecting a pony to create and taste-test meat-substitute products was clearly out of the question.

Like humans ponies used soy-based meat substitutes, mushrooms, nuts, and other similar food. Restaurants that served non-herbivores tended to be avoided by the more herbivorous species, especially away from Canterlot, but the capital itself was more relaxed about the subject, certainly among the ponies dealing with foreign visitors.

The end result being Matt got to enjoy a reasonable facsimile of a steak and Luna didn’t bat at eye at his meal choice.

Teagan and Evelyn had opted for more politically correct vegan meals.

“In fact, Tišina aside, this is a real treat for me.” He continued. “On my world humans are the only sentient species. Here there are dozens of sentient species, all coexisting in more or less peaceful harmony. We went exploring the city today. It was something I will never forget. I want to thank you and your sister for making it all possible.”

“Thou art welcome, Matthew Sanders.” Luna said, smiling. “And what of thee, Evelyn Lewis? Art thou enjoying Canterlot as well?”

“I’m a pegasister, Your Highness.” The PI replied. “This is a dream come true. Oh, that reminds me. I’ve been working with Subtle Dancer to see if we can’t track down Tišina. The fact we haven’t seen another attack yet worries me.”

“She was gravely wounded.” Princess Luna replied. “Even one such as she must have time to heal, surely?”

“Discord didn’t.” Evelyn said, shaking her head. “There’s no reason to believe Tišina would either. That makes me think Tišina might be cooking up a whole new batch of trouble. But the really important news is we may have found a way to pinpoint her location.”

That got everyone’s undivided attention.

ooOoo

Bevis Mot Lyn did not stomp as he calmly and politely waited to be ushered into the small office used by Pinstripe Tock, the Royal Organizer. The fussy unicorn behind the desk guarding Pinstripe’s door had the most eye-watering combination of yellow and purple bands running diagonally across her body, with chartreuse mane and tail. Her horn, unlike the horns of any other unicorn the Snøskred had seen, was purple with a yellow band spiraling from base to tip.

He resolutely kept his eyes averted from the living migraine inducer, choosing to study a large still-life picture on the wall instead. It showed a fruit basket identical to the one regularly delivered to their chambers.

The Royal Organizer kept him cooling his heels for a good half-hour, by which time the Snøskred had memorized every single fruit in the still life and could name them from smallest to largest, or in reverse order.

“The Royal Organizer will see you now.” The unicorn said, glancing at the clock standing across from her desk.

He stood carefully, mindful to step with absolute silence as the unicorn’s horn glowed and the door opened.

Pinstripe Tock was waiting inside an office that was bare of personality and organized to within an inch of its life. It only took one glance to take in the entire contents of the office. On the wall was a single portrait of Princess Celestia, there was a visitor’s cushion of brown velvet, a desk behind which Pinstripe Tock himself sat—and that was all.

The Snøskred had seen prison cells with more interesting décor.

“Welcome, Snøskred Mot Lyn. What may I do for the esteemed Trollish Ambassador this evening?” The pony asked in a polite tone completely devoid of emotion.

“I need to speak with either Princess Celestia or Princess Luna without delay. The matter is extremely urgent, Organizer Tock and of such a delicate nature I can not divulge it to anyone except one of the princesses. There is no time for diplomatic niceties. I—”, he ground his teeth but plowed on, “—beg for the Royal Indulgence to speak with one of them before it is too late. Please.”

The Royal Organizer stared at the troll, mouth open and face slack with shock. He had held the position of Royal Organizer for over ten years, and dealt with all manner of nobles and diplomats. He had, in fact, dealt with trolls on many occasions and was used to their snarling rude demands, their hyper-sensitivity, and the way they bristled at the merest hint of insult.

A troll humbly begging for a favor, especially this particular troll begging for a favor, was—unprecedented. It was impossible. It was a flagrant violation of the laws of nature.

And it shook the foundations of Pinstripe Tock’s world.

“I swear to you as the Tongue Of the King, upon my life and my honor, I am speaking the truth, Organizer Tock. I most humbly beg you to arrange an audience within the hour.” And then Bevis Mot Lyn, cringing deep in his soul, did the one thing he had never believed he would ever do.

He sank to both knees and bowed his head. To a pony. To a mere bureaucrat, a glorified secretary. He felt something in him curl up and die.

“Sn—Sn—Snos—” The pony stuttered, eyes rimmed with white.

“Do you think I would do this if it were not important?” Bevis asked the flabberghasted pony. “For all our sakes, Pinstripe Tock. Please grant this boon.”

The pony shuddered, eyes rolling. Some small part of the troll that wasn’t busy burning in shame found the pony’s reaction incredibly funny. Dalen had been right, damn his soul. If the pony in front of him didn’t faint dead away from shock he would surely grant the request.

Of course from the way his sides were heaving Bevis was expecting the bureaucrat to hit the floor any second.

But any pony who could handle the post of Royal Organizer was made of sterner stuff. With a visible effort Pinstripe Tock calmed himself and spent a moment making sure the shock he’d just felt was properly locked down.

“My apologies, Snøskred.” He finally said urbanely. “Your—change of demenor—took me by surprise. May I ask what this is in regard to? If it’s about returning Crush I’m—”

“It is not, Organizer.” The ambassador cut him off. “Who weilds Mountain Heart is no longer of any import.”

“I’m sorry? But I thought Crush was the whole focus of your mission?” Pinstripe protested.

“It was. New circumstances have forced me to change my priorities.”

“But, but why?” Pinstripe asked, completely flummoxed.

“That is a matter for one of your princesses, Organizer. Meaning no disrespect, but you cannot be privy to this information without the Princesses’ approval.”

“I see.” The pony stared at him, debating. “You undestand you have put me in a most difficult position, Snøskred?”

“That is beyond my power to correct, Organizer. My apologies.”

An apologetic troll? Unnatural! Pinstripe thought as he savagely suppressed a shudder.

“With all due respect, Snøskred, if this is some kind of ploy Their Highnesses will not be amused.” The bureaucrat warned the troll. “The laws of diplomatic usage would demand they repudiate your credentials and banish you, leaving your king no choice but to appoint another ambassador in your place.”

“I am aware of that, Organizer Tock.” Bevis said quietly. “You have the word of Bevis Mot Lyn. Upon my honor, I am sincere. The information I bear is vital and for Their Highnesses ears only.”

Coming to a decision the pony nodded. “Very well. Princess Luna is currently partaking of her evening meal. If you will follow me I will see if she will speak with you. Rest assured I will convey the depth of your urgency, Snøskred.”

“Mine dypeste takk, Arrangør.” The Snøskred rose to his feet and quietly followed the pony toward the promised meeting. He just hoped it wasn’t too late.

ooOoo

“My prognosis is if you undo the stoning Garnet will die from blood loss in under a minute.” Spring Water said grimly. “One stinger cut the superior vena cava completely in half. The other stinger sliced through her carotid artery. I’m sorry, Your Highness. I don’t think Tišina could have inflicted deadlier wounds if she’d tried.”

“I see.” Princess Celestia said quietly. “Then nothing can be done?”

“Not here.” Spring Water said heavily. “If we had a full medical team, with unicorn specialists to hold the blood vessels together while you used your healing magic to seal them and another unicorn cast a sleep spell to keep her quiet and her heart rate down, then maybe. But short of that, no.”

“Thank you, Spring Water. I will inform the Stonespeakers about their daughter’s condition.” The Princess said, her expression neutral. “Please have the guards load Garnet into my chariot for transport back to Canterlot. We’re leaving immediately.”

“As you wish, Princess.” Spring Water bowed and started packing her equipment.

“Come, my faithful student. We need to tell her parents.”

“Yes, Princess.” Twilight said, subdued. Even with the shade spell the last six hours had left the unicorn exhausted and drained. This latest news tore at her heart. Trying to keep control of herself she followed the princess to where the anxious parents were watching their stoned daughter being carefully loaded into the Royal chariot with wide eyes.

“Flint, Blueberry, I have grave news.” The Princess said.

“Why didn’t you change Garnet back, Princess?” Blueberry asked in a calm voice although tears ran down her cheeks.

“She is very badly injured, Blueberry.” The Princess said solemnly.

“Is she going to die?” Flint asked. His expression was as hard as his name, with flared nostrils and flattened ears.

“I don’t know.” The princess said, staring him straight in the eye. “We are taking her back to Canterlot. Garnet will have the finest healers in Equestria and I will personally participate in healing her. Every effort will be made to save her, Flint Stonespeaker. You have my word. Don’t give up hope. What is that expression rock farmers always say?”

“Persistence beyond all hope, and hope beyond all reason, Princess.” He said, ears coming up.

“Never give up, Flint. Your daughter isn’t dead yet. If Death claims her he’ll have to come through me first.” She said, horn flashing momentarily, her eyes narrowing and lip curling back from her teeth.

Both parents bowed to her.

“Twilight, please find space in one of the chariots for Flint and Blueberry to accompany us. They will be my guests in the castle while their daughter undergoes treatment.”

“Yes, Princess.” Twilight said. Both ponies looked up from their bow, eyes wide, not believing their ears. The Princess boarded her chariot, checking the restraints that held Garnet’s statue in place.

“Flint, Blueberry, if you’ll follow me?” Twilight said gently. Numbly the two ponies did as they were bid. After a short shuffling of gear and passengers space was found for them.

Five minutes later the flight headed north toward the distant capital.

Prophecy

View Online

In which a princess is astonished, a troll refuses to take offense, and the discussion turns to astronomy.

Evelyn’s bombshell was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Enter.” Princess Luna said, raising her voice but thankfully forgoing the Royal Canterlot Voice.

Pinstripe Tock entered the room and bowed to the Princess. He seemed shaken.

“Your Highness the Snøskred wishes to speak with you.” The dark gray pony began. “He is—not himself. If I may be so bold as to offer my opinion, I believe it might be prudent to grant him an audience.”

Luna blinked down at the pony.

“Thee seems ill at ease, Organizer. Is the Snøskred threatening to go on a rampage?”

“No, Your Highness. Quite the opposite.” He glanced uneasily at the humans. “The Snøskred said it was a matter for either you or your sister alone.”

“That does not explain why thou art ready to bolt, Organizer.” Luna noted. “Thou mayest speak freely, We trust Lady Teagan and her companions.”

“He begged me, Princess!” Pinstripe blurted. “He actually got down on his knees and bowed his head to me!”

“Excuse us? Didst we hear thee correctly, Pinstripe Tock?” The princess asked, wide-eyed.

“Yes!” He nodded rapidly. “It’s unnatural, Your Highness! He didn’t stamp once all the way here!”

“It must be a matter most grievous indeed. Very well, bring the Snøskred before us.” Luna decided. The pony bowed so low his dark green forelock brushed the floor.

“At once, Your Highness.” He trotted to the door and swung it wide.

Luna stood and motioned for the humans to do likewise. Matt had already done so, well versed in etiquette. Evelyn was almost as fast, leaving Teagan to bring up the rear.

“The Princess has granted your boon, Snøskred. Please enter.” When the troll did the pony backed out of the room and closed the door.

“Thank you for seeing me, Your Highness.” The troll said in a low voice. “As you can imagine I would not do this if there was any other way.”

“A troll being humble is no small thing, Snøskred Mot Lyn. We cannot imagine what would prompt such behavior.” The Princess said, not hiding her curiosity. “Surely only the end of the world could bring about so radical a change!” She smiled, rather proud of her little joke.

The troll nodded. “Yes, Your Highness. That is exactly what has done it.”

“What?” She asked, taken aback.

“Tišina plans to feed the entire world to the Sun before the month is out.” The troll said in a flat voice.

ooOoo

The chariots landed a little over two hours after they took off. The tired pegasi that had pulled them gratefully went back to their barracks while fresh members of the Sun Shield took over. Celestia bid goodnight to Twilight, directing her to the Ghrian suite and asked one of the guards to have Fairie Mist find lodging for the Stonespeakers

Celestia then conferred with Spring Water on assembling a team of skilled unicorn surgeons for the morrow. There was no real urgency since time wouldn’t pass for Garnet, frozen in stone as she was. The frantic effort to save her life would come only after the stoning spell was undone, and that was going to be tricky indeed, since the resulting flare would destroy the operating room. Unfortunately the surgery couldn’t be performed safely in the open air either, for a variety of reasons.

Tentative plans were laid and alternatives discussed. The palace architect was summoned and the plans continued.

After two more hours Celestia was free to seek out her sister’s chambers and blessed sleep. She was staying with Luna until her own chambers could be repaired. She had been told the damage would take weeks to put right.

Although she’d been careful to hide it from her student the repeated surges had extracted their toll. Celestia felt like someone had taken a board and beaten her savagely. It was all she could do not to sag and wince with each step as she made her way along thankfully deserted hallways.

But the guarded habits of a thousand years are not so easily dismissed. Even now she could not be sure a random pony would not come upon her unexpectedly, and it would never do to have that pony see her looking anything less than regal, especially after the recent unpleasantness.

Sometimes Celestia loathed the role that had been thrust upon her by an uncaring fate. She had had no idea what was in store for her when she cast the Great Spell. If she had…well, she’d have done it anyway. She sighed. She couldn’t even grumble to herself about it convincingly…

With relief she came to Luna’s chambers, nodding to the guards who flanked the door. A simple flare of her horn caused the magically warded doors to recognize her and open quietly.

She stepped through the doors and made her way through the foyer as they closed behind her, allowing herself to shed her regal bearing at last.

She stepped into the receiving room, already lifting the crown off her head with her magic when she realized to her shock, the room was occupied.

She blinked as a large troll met her gaze.

“Greetings, Shepherd of the Sun.” The troll rose respectfully to its feet.

“Snøskred.” She said, automatically straightening and letting the crown return to its accustomed place on her brow. Now that she was paying attention she realized the room was full.

The Bearers were present, as were the humans. Another troll, small and slender, sat next to the Snøskred. Subtle Dancer, Fairie Mist, and Sun Hammer were also there. Not to mention her sister.

“Well met, sister.” Luna said gravely. “Now that thee hast arrived, take thy rightful place in our council of war.”

“Oh my. How quickly things change.” Celestia commented drily as she walked to the empty cushion between Luna and Subtle Dancer and sat down. “When I left Canterlot just this morning Equestria was at peace with all her neighbors, as she has been for a thousand years. Who has declared war on us, sister?”

“Tišina.” Luna replied. “The Snøskred has been kind enough to share an ancient trollish prophecy with us. It speaks of Tišina feeding the world to the sun. He says the signs have been fulfilled, and our doom will come upon us within a month’s time.”

Outwardly, Celestia accepted the news calmly. But her mind was racing.

“May I hear the prophecy please?” She asked politely.

The slender troll stood up. “And it shall come to pass in the fullness of time, that in the land of the ponies a great battle shall be fought against the Mother of Silence. In that battle shall the ponies prevail and cast down the Mistress of Cold and there shall be great rejoicing for the span of but a single month.”

“And the statues, green and gleaming shall stand in the field, and adorn the houses and yea even be found sleeping in their beds. All but one shall be freed to join in joyous dance.”

“Yet ere the moon wax full a second time shall the Watcher of the Stillness come upon the world in her fearsome vengeance. On that day the Sun shall smite the entire world, and in great hunger consume it. Thus shall the last days be ended with the stolen life of an innocent child. For on that day the world will stand alone and none come to give it aid. Thus shall be the end the world. It has been said”

He bowed and sat down.

Princess Celestia closed her eyes, tracing through the lines of the prophecy, looking for the inevitable ambiguity that could twist it to their favor. She smiled suddenly.

“The prophecy has already been negated, Snøskred. Tišina may yet end the world, but it will not be because the world stands alone, for we do not. Do we, Lady Teagan Laoise of the Clan O’Gara?”

“Who, me?” Teagan squeaked, her eyes wide.

“Indeed.” The Princess said, chuckling. “Nor has Tišina managed to steal the life of that child just yet. She still lives.”

“Your Highness, I’m sure you’re aware prophecies are never straightforward.” The PI spoke up. “For example, the innocent life stolen. She hasn’t died, but that isn’t what the prophecy said. It said her life was stolen. If she can’t live her life, because she’s become a statue, isn’t that still stealing her life?”

“I had not considered that.” The princess admitted, frowning.

“When I was younger we used to play a game, Your Highness.” The PI continued. “It was called Dungeons and Dragons. It was played by a group. One person, called the dungeon master, created an imaginary world based on the game’s rules. The other players would become characters in this world. Prophecies played an important role in those games, and a good dungeon master deliberately tried to make prophecies misleading. Players had to consider every possible interpretation of prophecies—or just ignore them altogether to win the game.”

“I see. Are you saying you’re an expert on prophecies, then?” The princess asked.

Evelyn hesitated.

“I’m an expert on the pitfalls inherent in interpreting prophecy, Your Highness. A prophecy is very much like an untrustworthy witness. You can’t assume what you think it means is actually what it really means. Like an innocent life stolen. We already know the battle has occurred, which proves the prophecy is a true fore-seeing—assuming the prophecy wasn’t created today.”

She stared mildly at the Snøskred, who snarled. The smaller troll put a hand on his arm.

“Investigator, you are newly come to our world.” The troll said smoothly. “So I will not take offense at your words. But know that I am Alene Dalen. In your language that translates as Walker in the Valley. I am forbidden from saying things that are not true. This prophecy comes from our oldest legends, from the time ponies first appeared in the world. I have said this, and thus you may believe it.”

“Investigator Lewis, if the Alene says this prophecy is authentic, then I believe him.” Princess Celestia said gently.

“My apologies, Alene.” Evelyn said, bowing her head.

“I accept your apology, Investigator. Your title is strange to me. Is it really your profession to do nothing but ferret out secrets?” Dalen asked.

“Yes, Alene. The difficulty arises when there are those who do not wish the truth reveled.” She said with a smile. “Among humans that generally means every single investigation. It makes my job—interesting.”

“Your species sounds fascinating. When this is over I would enjoy talking with you.”

“Likewise, Alene.” She nodded.

“Now that we have come to understand one another.” The princess said quietly. “The question is how to deal with Tišina before she destroys the world.”

“I’m curious what feeding the world to the Sun actually means.” Matt spoke up. “Assuming your world is built anything like ours Equestria orbits the Sun from millions of miles away. Is she planning to stop Equestria in orbit and let it fall into the Sun? Is that even possible?”

“It is not, Lieutenant.” Celestia shook her head. “Raising and lowering the Sun or the moon does not involve changing Equestria’s orbit or rotation. That is beyond even my abilities.”

“Sister, should these things be revealed?” Princess Luna asked uneasily. “Such knowledge could be dangerous.”

“Could anyone other than the two of us affect the sun or the moon, my sister?” Celestia asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Before today we would not have thought so, sister.” Luna said meaningfully. “But that was before Tišina. Who is to say that there are not others out there who could prove a threat to the world?”

“We have faced threats to the world before, my sister. We will do so again. It is part of the price we pay.”

Luna looked unconvinced but stayed silent.

“To answer your question, Matthew Sanders, you must understand our world is very different from yours. It circles its star, yes, just as your world does its own star. But our star is nothing like yours. Ours is small and dim and much further away from the world than yours is. It is not, in fact, the Sun. Also, Equestria has no moon as you understand the term.”

The princess’s words left everyone in the room stunned and speechless.

“There is no moon?” Bevis Mot Lyn asked incredulously. “Then what, pray tell, rises in the sky every night? And how did it do so before Princess Luna existed? Likewise, who raised the Sun before you existed?”

The white alicorn shrugged. “I do not know, Snøskred. As you say, they existed before my sister or I did. They rose and fell under their own power. They no longer do so. Also, I did not say Equestria had no Moon, I said Equestria had no Moon as Matthew understood the term.”

“So exactly what are the Sun and Moon, Your Highness?” Matthew asked.

“They are—well I suppose you could call them magical devices, Lieutenant. They circle Equestria at a great distance, exactly how far away they are I don’t know, but it’s much closer than our star. One is the Sun, the other the moon.”

“Geostationary orbit!” Evelyn said excitedly. “Your Highness, if you didn’t do anything would they stay exactly in the same place in the sky from the point of view of a pony on the ground?”

“Yes.” Princess Celestia nodded. “How did you guess?”

“We use the same principle for communication satellites, Your Highness. Anything in geostationary orbit doesn’t move from the point of view of someone on the ground.”

“Your species can put things in the sky, Investigator?” Dalen asked, startled.

“Yes, Alene. Although it’s very difficult and expensive. So much so only the largest countries have the resources to do it. We only do it when it’s impossible to do something any other way.”

The Alene sat back, a thoughtful look on his face.

“So what you’re saying is the Sun and Moon were built by somebody, right?” Teagan asked. “All you do is push them around?”

“Thee make it sound trifling, Lady Teelo.” Luna said in an aggrieved tone. “We can assure you it is extraordinarily difficult to raise the sun!” She shuddered. “We do not envy our sister having to do it every day.”

“So if Tišina had managed to kill you the Sun would have stayed in one place?” Teagan asked.

Celestia nodded. “And then the Sun would have caused that spot to grow unbearably hot while everywhere else froze in the darkness. Now that I come to explain it to someone I realize how oddly the Sun behaves. It takes a lot of power to make it start moving but once it begins to move it moves steadily for exactly 24 hours before it stops again. Unless I exert effort to speed or slow it.”

Luna cocked her head. “The moon also, sister. We had not considered the matter before now. Interesting.”

“So what exactly does feeding the world to the Sun mean?” Matt asked again. “Surely you have some idea, Princess?”

She considered for a moment.

“It might mean bringing down the Sun to crash into Equestria.” She said doubtfully. “However I do not believe that is possible. I can move the Sun to the west, but not to the east, and certainly neither nearer nor farther away. I have tried several times over the last thousand years to do so, and failed utterly.”

“Tišina uses gates, right?” Matt asked. “Could she open a gate between the Sun and the surface?”

“We’ve determined the maximum range of the portal is somewhere around five thousand miles.” Subtle Dancer said. “If the Sun is within five thousand miles, then yes.”

“Oh, that would be nasty.” Evelyn said, wincing. “But fortunately geostationary orbits are like 22,000 miles up. Good thing, too!”

“Why is that, Investigator?” The Snøskred asked.

“Because it would—” Her eyes widened. “It would do exactly what the prophecy said! Anything near the portal would be instantly destroyed. Further away you’d see massive firestorms. Put up enough portals like that and the entire world would burn. In minutes.”

The Hunt Begins

View Online

In which the true horror of war is discussed, and a ray of hope shines forth.

“Like a nuclear weapon strike?” Matt asked, frowning.

“No, Matt. Like a nuclear war.” Evelyn said numbly, watching in her mind’s eye as ponies vanished in a blaze of light…

Matt turned grim and still. The others stared at the two humans in polite incomprehension. Teagan paled.

“What is this nuclear, thou speakest of, Investigator Lewis?” Luna asked. “We know it not, but canst see it disturbs thee greatly.”

“Nuclear weapons use the energy inside matter, Your Highness.” Matt said before Evelyn could speak. “A single weapon, weighing a few hundred pounds, could obliterate Canterlot and kill every living creature within ten miles. The aftermath would poison the area downwind for dozens of miles and hundreds of years, either killing creatures outright or making their offspring sickly and prone to dying young and having hideous birth defects. And that’s just one. A nuclear war is fought with hundreds of them.”

Even the trolls were shocked into open mouthed silence.

“Humans have such power?” Luna finally asked, shivering.

“Yes, Your Highness.” Matthew nodded. “Humans teetered on the edge of full scale nuclear war for forty years before backing away. We’re still in the process of reducing our stockpiles of those weapons.”

“Reducing, Matthew?” Celestia asked, looking sick. “You still plan to keep such evil things?”

“We do, Your Highness.” Matt said, nodding. “Because others have them. We don’t dare get rid of them completely. But we do everything in our power to keep them out of the hands of rogue nations. My country is one of the most powerful on Earth, and the only one to ever use nuclear weapons in war, back before we knew the full horror of them.”

“Rogue nations?” The Snøskred asked blankly, still thinking about weapons that could end the world.

“Yes, Snøskred.” Matt nodded. “Humans are not as—cooperative as ponies. And far more devious than trolls. Sometimes the insane come to power. And when that happens—well, nuclear weapons are very attractive to such individuals.”

The Snøskred looked at Teagan.

“It would seem I have underestimated the Lady Teagan then. To be heir to such power, such horror. No wonder Mountain Heart chooses to serve her.”

“Now wait a minute! I don’t have any say in things like that!” Teagan protested. “I never will. I’m just an ordinary teenager. Crush serves me because it said I have a will as strong as any troll. But that doesn’t mean I can drop a bomb on somebody!”

“Perhaps you do not understand what the Snøskred is saying, Lady Teagan.” Dalen said. “Species are forged by their history, their accomplishments, the lands around them and the circumstances they must overcome.”

“Trolls, for example must contend with the mountains and the dangers of the World Below. It has shaped us, even the smallest and weakest among us. The princesses must contend with forces that none but they can face and overcome. But ponies are shaped by these forces, even the smallest and frailest of them.”

“Humans, it seems, are shaped by horrors I do not care to think about, and yet have thrived. You yourself are certainly not the weakest and smallest of your kind, Lady Teagan. Yet you too have been shaped by the legacy of your species. Knowing what I know now I have little trouble believing that you bested Discord. You are a worthy wielder of Mountain Heart for all that you are not a troll, nor bear allegiance to the King of the World Below.”

“Maybe. But right now Discord isn’t the problem. Tišina is. How do we stop her?” Teagan asked, blushing.

“We find her and hit her with everything we have.” Matt said flatly. “We harry her and give her no rest. We keep her away from whatever project she’s building to destroy the world.”

“Easier said than done, Lieutenant.” Celestia said, shaking her head. “We don’t even know where she is, and of us all only my sister and I could face her on even terms.”

“Really?” He grinned, a smile worthy of Sun Hammer. “I don’t think you’ve seen the full extent of how dangerous I can be, Your Highness. I have a couple of clips of armor piercing rounds with me. I didn’t get to use them the night Tišina attacked because I didn’t think I’d need them, and left them in my gear. But not even she will be able to shrug those off. There’s also the fact I never fight fair.”

“I can vouch for that.” Teagan said ruefully.

“Dinnae A warn ye aboot fechtin’ fair, Teelo?” Sun Hammer asked. “Ne’er dae it!”

Matt nodded.

“You’re a pony after my own heart, Sun Hammer. But back to the point. This pony that created Pinkie’s toys knows how to make tannerite, which is some seriously powerful explosive. We’ll get him to whip up a few thousand pounds of it. We can dig our way through a lot of ice with that much tannerite. In minutes.”

“Trolls excel at digging.” The Snøskred said with his own fearsome grin. “May I offer my services in whatever plan the good Lieutenant is hatching, Your Highness?”

“I too would be eager to help.” Alene Dalen said quietly. “While my abilities are certainly eclipsed by your own, Your Highness, they are formidable none the less. And well suited to conflict below ground.”

“A ne’er thought there’d come a day A’d be fechtin’ on the same side as trolls, so A did nae.” Sun Hammer said, shaking his head. “Welcome tae the herd, laddies. Ye be welcome, so ye be.”

“I think you’d have made a good troll, Sun Hammer.” The Snøskred said, chuckling.

“Thank ye nae. A be a creature o’ the open spaces. A prefers ma fights where the sun shines.” Sun Hammer said, smiling. “A hae tae say though, A hae always admired the forthright and straightforward manner o’ trolls. Ye ne’er sneak aboot. Very honest, yer classic troll.”

“Not to break up this mutual admiration society.” Teagan said, grinning, “But how do we find Tišina? Evelyn, you said you and Subtle Dancer might have a way?”

“Indeed.” Subtle Dancer spoke up. “Investigator Lewis tells me humans don’t believe in magic. None the less she is remarkably adept in magical theory. Truly amazing for one that believed magic was only a game.”

“Who knew all that time playing D&D would actually be useful?” Evelyn chuckled. “But truthfully all I did was give Subtle Dancer a key. He and his Horns were the ones who used it to find the door and unlock it.”

“Chief Horn?” Princess Luna asked impatiently. “What wonder hast thou wrought now?”

“A compass, Your Highness.” Subtle Dancer said proudly. “One that points straight at Tišina, no matter where she chooses to hide!”

“Hot damn.” Matt said, grinning. “Time to lock and load, ladies! We have a vector!”

“Excuse me?” Princess Celestia blinked. “I don’t follow, Lieutenant.”

“Matt means we know where Tišina is. Time to go smash her.” Teagan explained. “Would it do any good to ask how this compass works, Subtle Dancer? Or would non-magicians not have a clue?”

“It’s quite simple, Lady Teagan. We have a large amount of Tišina’s blood, left after her tail was caught in the collapsing portal. Since the Law of Contagion states that two objects that were originally part of a whole remain mystically connected it was a simple matter to use her blood to create a literal compass that points to the body that the blood came from.”

“Gruesome.” Teagan commented. “But hey, as long as it works. Is there just one or were you able to make more?”

“We constructed a dozen of them, at Investigator Lewis’s suggestion.”

“Good.” Matt nodded. “We can triangulate along a baseline and know pretty much exactly where she is before we even leave home. I love it when a plan comes together.” He rubbed his hands gleefully.

Celestia regarded him with the same caution most ponies gave Sun Hammer.

“Lieutenant, forgive me, but you seem extremely eager to find Tišina. What are your intentions when we do?”

“Kill her if we can.” He said, becoming serious. “Any creature that would use nuclear weapons—or their magical equivalent—to destroy the world doesn’t get any mercy from me. If we can’t kill her then we keep her so busy she can’t complete the weapon. Better yet, lure her away and let the magic users see if they can safely destroy it.”

“I would prefer to use the Elements of Harmony to deal with Tišina if we can, Lieutenant.” She said delicately. “The only reason I used the Wrath of the Sun against her that night was because the Elements were—temporarily unavailable.”

“And the Elements do what, exactly?” He asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Turn her to stone.” The princess replied.

“And while you’re blasting her with these Elements what’s to keep her from stinging you to death?” Matt asked with an interested expression. Celestia flinched.

“Forgive me, Princess. But I saw her speed in the air and if the Elements can’t strike in less than a second it’s not happening. Unless they can track a target and compensate for evasive maneuvers?”

“Unfortunately not.” The princess admitted.

“Which means we’ve got to pin her down for—how long?” Matt asked.

“Perhaps thirty seconds.” The princess replied.

“Not good.” He said, shaking his head. “Know any spells that could restrain her?”

“Tišina is too large and powerful for such spells to be effective, Matthew Sanders.” Princess Luna spoke up. “She is the size of a full grown dragon. And clearly at least as strong.”

“How about you, Alene?” Matt asked.

“I could collapse her cavern around her.” The troll replied thoughtfully. “I could even do this from directly above her, no matter how deep the cave might be.”

“But if she’s deep underground we can’t reach her.” Evelyn pointed out. “She wouldn’t stay trapped forever. They never do. We need to get her out in the open.”

“We know my rifle can blind her, but hitting her eyes from far enough away to avoid counterattack will be next to impossible. Of course if I can hit her in the head I might put one in her brain.” Matt mused. “That would at least slow her down.”

Every pony in the room shuddered, even Sun Hammer.

The Snøskred was nodding.

“The Mother of Silence is not invulnerable.” He said. “Mountain Heart could inflict wounds that would not heal magically.”

Teagan shifted uncomfortably.

“How would I get close enough? She’s a dragon.” Teagan asked reasonably. “Discord was no bigger than a troll so at least I stood a chance of hitting him. Tišina could swat me before I got anywhere near her.”

“Not if you were on my back and I teleported.” Twilight Sparkle joined the conversation.

“Bad idea.” Matt said. “If I understand correctly, all six of you are needed to make the Elements work, right? We don’t want to risk our super weapon. And that goes for both princesses as well. When we used Princess Celestia as bait it was in a fairly small chamber by Tišina’s standards. She couldn’t do much because of the cramped quarters so we held all the cards. In the open it’s a completely different ball game.”

“Then Teagan could ride me.” Rainbow Dash said excitedly. “We swoop in and bam. She’ll never know what hit her!”

“Same problem.” Matt pointed out. “I don’t want the Bearers anywhere near her until it’s time to blast her with the Elements. Any one of you gets taken out and it’s game over.”

“Oh, yeah.” Rainbow Dash said dejectedly.

“What are you saying?” The Alene asked. “Our most powerful weapons are too valuable to risk? Then of what use are they?”

“Welcome to the wonderful world of armed aggression.” Matt said, grinning. “That’s the whole problem with our so-called super-weapons. The most powerful weapons we have are also vital for other things. Without Princess Celestia the world dies, so she can’t be put at risk. The Bearers are powerful as a group, but without them we can’t use our super-weapon so they can’t be put at risk. This, no offense, just leaves the second string to do the heavy lifting. Not good against something the size of a building. Especially a building that walked away from a thousand foot fall.”

“You said your weapon has armor piercing ability, did you not?” The Snøskred asked.

Matt nodded. “Yeah. But Tišina’s a big girl. No way even an AP round could reach her heart. Headshot’s the best bet but I doubt I’d get a second chance if the first one missed. And given the way she moves her head around that would be a really hard shot. I’m not bad, but I’m no sniper.”

“Sniper?” Twilight asked.

“Somebody who specializes in one shot kills from ambush.” He said.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“Humans use such tactics?” Dalen asked finally. “That sounds very—dishonorable. No offense intended, Lieutenant.”

Matt shrugged. “There’s no honor in war, Alene. No sane being ever wants to go to war. The longer it goes on, the worse it gets. It’s insane, savage, deliberate mass murder. The only way the killing stops is when the war ends. So you do everything you can to end it as quickly as possible. Snipers take out high value targets, like the leaders a country needs to keep fighting.”

“We’re actually lucky there’s only one individual on the other side. Kill her and the war ends. The world lives. Or turn her to stone. That works too. The question is how can we dig her out then pin her down?”

“I hate to bring this up, but Tišina’s a dragon, right? Don’t dragons usually have breath weapons?” Evelyn asked reluctantly.

“You think Tišina breaths fire?” Matt asked. “Great, that’s all we need. Not only is she a flying battering ram that can turn you to stone, now she’s a living flame thrower too? Jeez, what is it with this place?”

“She doesn’t breathe fire, Lieutenant.” Princess Celestia said with a strange half-smile.

“Well, that’s good news at least.” He said in relief.

“She breathes a freezing mist that encases the victims in an icy shell.” The princess said, watching him. He face-palmed.

“Moving on.” He said. “Tišina isn’t stupid. We won’t lure her out again with the same bait we used before. She’s going to be paranoid about creating a portal anywhere near us. In fact, her best strategy would be to lie low in whatever hidey-hole she’s in right now, finish her weapon, and blow us to kingdom-come without risking her neck.”

“Why is she so angry?” Fluttershy asked timidly. She ducked her head when everyone turned their attention to her.

“What do you mean, Fluttershy?” Teagan asked gently, which encouraged the timorous yellow pegasus to take a deep breath and speak up.

“Why is she doing this? What did we ever do to her? How could she be so angry she’s willing to destroy herself along with the world? That doesn’t make any sense! I thought she was supposed to be Discord’s opposite? Wouldn’t that mean she doesn’t do things at random? So she must have a reason.”

Celestia raised her head.

“My little pony that is an excellent point! We’ve been concentrating so much on what she was doing we neglected to ask why. When Tišina captured me she said that I had stolen something from her. She also accused me of committing crimes against the natural order, of blasphemy against the Universe itself.”

“Sister, when you unleashed the Wrath of the Sun did not Tišina call us sinners? And tell us we were forcing her to blaspheme?” Luna asked.

“She did.” Celestia nodded.

“Another religious nut job.” Matt sighed. “They’re the worst. Not afraid to die because they know their place in the hereafter is secure and anything they do is justified because they’re fighting the infidel. You can’t reason with them because they’re convinced God has already signed your death warrant and you’ve got a one-way ticket to damnation for all eternity.”

“Charming.” Evelyn said. “Your Highness, did Tišina happen to mention what you stole from her?”

“Yes. She said I stole her sweet pain, pain that she had possessed since the beginning of the world, her dearest enemy.”

“Any idea who that might have been?” Evelyn asked.

“No. Surely a being like Tišina has had many enemies over the ages.”

“Lieutenant Sanders is right. Tišina is completely mad.” The Snøskred said. “The tunnel grows ever narrower for us I fear.”

“Wait, how could you have stolen her enemy?” Teagan asked, confused. “Didn’t Discord defeat her long before ponies arrived in this world?”

“Yes.” The princess nodded.

“Oh God.” Evelyn said, slapping the table. “It’s Discord. Her dearest enemy is her brother. Whom you defeated, Your Highness.”

“We defeated him too, Evelyn.” Twilight objected.

“But you don’t raise the sun, Twilight.” Evelyn said. “Celestia does it every day. That’s why Tišina targeted her. Because she moved the sun three times in a single day. I’ll bet the princess created the Elements of Harmony as well. Am I right?”

“Only partially, Investigator.” Celestia demurred. “Raising the sun takes a great deal of power. I have no doubt it could have attracted Tišina’s attention. But I did not create the Elements. They are linked to my sister and I. They were made for us originally.”

“What’s it ta her?” Applejack asked, baffled. “Ah mean it makes sense an’ all, but why should she care?”

“Because in the natural order of things the sun and the moon don’t need anyone to raise them.” Evelyn said. “And they only come up once a day. Princess Celestia’s ‘crime’ is raising the sun at all. But that day she lowered it prematurely and raised it a second time. That must have infuriated Tišina.”

“That still doesn’t explain what she meant when she commanded the princess not to force her to commit blasphemy herself.” Dalen interjected.

“What does Tišina consider blasphemy?” She asked the troll.

“Hmm.” He asked. “That I fear I cannot answer.”

“Think about it.” Evelyn said. “What would Tišina have to have done to avoid getting killed?”

“Teleport.” Princess Celestia said slowly.

“Right. And teleportation isn’t natural, is it? It’s magic. So from her point of view it was either commit blasphemy or die. Matt, you’re the expert on religious fanatics. How would she react to that?”

“Badly.” He said, considering. “Very, very badly. If she reacts like a human would—well we’re looking at a goddess forced to commit a sin against herself. No wonder she wants to go out in a blaze of glory and take the world with her. She believes she’s been defiled.”

“Ok, I’m not an expert profiler by any means but I think it’s time we looked at Tišina from a psychological point of view. We know she’s a goddess, we know she’s a loner, and we know she feels entitled not only to judge others but be executioner as well. She’s resorted to abduction, attempted murder, mass attempted murder, and now she’s escalated to attempting genocide. Not only that, but she thinks she has the duty to do all this.”

“Sociopath.” Matt noted.

“Right. And now that she feels violated, she probably believes the world is beyond redemption, that all is lost. Therefore, the only possible way to end the corruption is destroy the world. Since she’s been defiled anyway, she has nothing to lose. But at least the evil will die with her. Her sacrifice will not be in vain.”

“Sounds about right.” Matt nodded. “I bet she’s a coward as well. Anyone else notice she always attacks from hiding? Classic ambush predator tactics. Her two attacks on the princess were from beyond a portal. Her attack on Rockton was late at night, one family at a time. Earth ponies that couldn’t sense her portal and couldn’t fight back.”

“When we proved we could hurt her she retreated. She didn’t even have the courage of her convictions and chose to defile herself—well, in her eyes—instead of die. She’s physically tough, but hasn’t got the stomach for an open fight. She’s a predator, not a fighter.”

He smiled, and even Sun Hammer felt uncomfortable seeing it.

“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is her one weakness. It gives me an idea…”

They spent the rest of the night hammering out a plan.

Party Like A Rock Farmer

View Online

In which Subtle Dancer discovers a weakness, Pinkie Pie has a bad hair day, and Garnet suffers a relapse.

The plan took a week, mostly to assemble enough tannerite. Doctor Whooves was a bit disconcerted when both Sun Hammer and Princess Luna paid him a visit and made it very plain to the good doctor that he was going to be given access to enormous resources.

For a price.

Matt went along on that trip so he could make a few suggestions on what he wanted as far as packaging. He and the stallion spent a couple of hours trading tips on how to make things explode. Matt talked about how to create shaped charges and the doctor upped the ante with some innovative ideas on the successful inclusion of thermite in the mix. After all, they were trying to blast through ice weren’t they?

You could say the two had an absolute blast.

Of course Princess Luna was very quiet on the trip back to Canterlot. She looked just the slightest bit worried, actually…

While the good doctor was doing his bit for Equestria, Celestia, and lemon cup-cakey goodness, Subtle Dancer brought in experts from the Equestrian Land Survey Group, who sent their fastest pegasus to obtain photos of the target zone where triangulation said Tišina was lairing.

The Horns themselves certainly weren’t slacking off either, gleaning every bit of information about the elusive goddess that they could lay their horns on. The Alene freely shared everything the trolls knew about Tišina—legends, hints, prophecies, all of it.

The Snøskred had sent a courier back to the King of the World Below advising him of the situation. Several pages of his report were dedicated to Lady Teagan and Mountain Heart—and he advised the king not to act rashly during this most perilous time.

His report also spoke at length about the humans, especially the male soldier. He was positively grim when he related what nuclear weapons were and how even the humans seemed terrified of them.

Now if only the king could suffer a modicum of good sense we might even survive this. Bevis thought as he gave the report to the courier.

ooOoo

Everything was prepared. A dozen healing specialists were gathered around the emerald statue now lying on its back. Against Celestia’s better judgment Pinkie Pie and the rest of the Bearers were watching from the observation gallery, along with the humans and Garnet’s parents. She hadn’t wanted Pinkamena anywhere near this, but the pony had unleashed such a devastating plea that even the princess was helpless against it.

The alicorn shivered at the memory of those eyes. She made a mental note to find out more about the pink pony, in light of what the human investigator had told her.

“We’re ready, Your Highness.” Spring Water said.

“All right, my little ponies. When I reverse the stoning there is going to be a huge magical surge. I’ll try to contain as much of it as I can and direct the rest away but there will still be uncontrolled power, so be careful! Unicorns, you must clamp Garnet’s severed blood vessels as soon as you can see. There are four of you, so someone is bound to recover quickly. Earth ponies, do not attempt to channel the magic to ground, it is far too powerful.”

She looked up at the pegasus flying near the ceiling, next to a long rope.

“Open the hatch.” She said, casting the magnification spell.

“Hatch open, I’m clear!” The pegasus called.

She cut the link and dropped the magnification spell, then braced herself just before the tsunami of raw power slammed into her.

She sucked up the energy until she could hold no more, and then channeled all her stored energy into a tube of pure magic, forcing the remaining power up through the hatch.

When it was done she wanted nothing more than to collapse, panting.

“Close the hatch!” She called instead and focused on the bleeding pony in front of her.

So small, she thought as the team moved in and two unicorns clamped the four severed ends of the major vessels with their magic. The ragged ends pressed together. Celestia carefully and rapidly healed the two blood vessels; keenly aware she had only seconds before Garnet’s heart stopped from the strain of losing circulation in the two largest blood pathways her body possessed.

“We losing her! I’m seeing signs of incipient ventricular fibrillation!” An earth pony yelled. “Ember, get your rump over here now.

An orange unicorn crowded in, careful not to jostle the princess concentrating on the tricky repair.

More time, I need more time! Celestia frantically kept on, trying to ignore the way Garnet’s life spark was guttering like a candle in a draft. If it went out…

“Can’t wait!” The earth pony said urgently. “She’s got full blown v-fib now! Ember, hit her!”

The unicorn lowered his horn and two fat azure sparks struck the tiny filly at different points on her chest.

“Vein’s done!” The princess gasped, “Let it go!” She saw the vein relax but didn’t have time to see if the repair would hold, she was too busy patching the artery, not caring if her work was flawless, only that the artery would hold when blood started flowing. She’d finish the repairs when circulation was restored.

There was blood everywhere, the stingers had done their worst damage to the two major blood vessels but they had struck deep, piercing flesh and tearing large holes in the tiny foal’s throat. Even with the two major vessels clamped Garnet was losing a lot of blood.

“No good! Hit her again!” The earth pony called.

“Artery’s done, let go!” Celestia said, casting a general healing to help control the blood loss. It slowed noticeably.

The second shock caused the unconscious foal to convulse, breaking the healing spell.

“That’s done it. Good job, Ember!” The earth pony said. Celestia watched the flame of Garnet’s life steady and get a little brighter, no longer fluttering wildly. She returned to her healing, concentrating on the repairs she’d made. The vein was fine, but there was a leak in the artery, spurting a little blood with each heartbeat. The princess hastily strengthened the arterial wall and poured magic into closing the hole. She spent another five minutes restoring the other torn vessels. By the time she was done Garnet’s wounds had closed, and there wasn’t even a scar remaining.

But when the unicorn Dream Master relaxed her sleep spell on the little filly she didn’t wake up. Spring Water exchanged a concerned glance with the Princess as Dream Master checked her patient.

“I don’t understand it.” The lime green unicorn said. “She should be waking up. The sleep spell’s done.”

“She lost a lot of blood.” The same earth pony that had been monitoring Garnet’s heart said. “Might be a natural healing coma. She’s an earth pony, after all.” The blood red pony concentrated a moment, frowning.

“I don’t like her flow. Something’s not right. Blood’s ok, heart’s settled down, but there’s something strange in her head.”

“What is it Ruby?” Spring Water asked. The red pony was an expert on energy flow, far beyond what most earth ponies were capable of.

“Don’t know. Princess, can you sense anything magical?” Ruby asked, placing her hoof against Garnet’s head, flanges spread wide. Princess Celestia was exhausted and didn’t trust herself to sense subtleties, but she tried anyway.

It wasn’t a subtle problem.

“Oh dear.” She murmured. “Poor Garnet. She’s gone deep into her own mind. She’s hiding. This is very rare—I’ve only seen it twice before.”

“What do we do about it?” Ruby asked bluntly.

Princess Celestia shook her head. “There’s nothing we can do. One of the two ponies I saw do this came out of it on her own.”

“And the other, Your Highness?” Ruby asked.

“He never woke up.” The princess said in a sorrowful voice. “We tried everything. But a week after he went into his mind he was gone. It wasn’t starvation, or dehydration. He just—stopped. As though his soul decided it was time to move on.”

She looked up and saw the look of shock on the faces in the observation gallery. Too late she remembered they could hear everything that went on in the operating room.

“Take Garnet to recovery.” She said, assuming the role of Princess once more. “Tend her carefully. No visitors until we’re sure she’s stable. Then let her parents sit with her. Hearing their voices might help bring her back.”

“At once, Princess.” Spring Water said, bowing. Celestia stepped back and teleported to the observation gallery. She walked slowly over to the two earth ponies, who bowed. Blueberry’s shoulders were shaking.

“Don’t give up hope.” She said quietly. “Garnet still has a chance. She’s young and strong. You can visit her as soon as we make sure her condition is stable. I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to do more.”

“We thank you, Princess.” Flint said in a calm voice. “You saved our little filly. Now we just have to wait for her to wake up. And she will wake up.”

His confident tone was belied by the fact his ears were flat against his head.

“Persistence beyond all hope, Flint Stonespeaker. And hope beyond all reason.” The princess said in a firm voice.

Blueberry nodded, visibly controlling herself, only a single tear giving lie to her stoic mien. “Our little Garnet couldn’t have been in better hooves, Your Highness. Thank you for everything you’ve done.”

“I’m not done yet, Blueberry.” Celestia said in a kind voice. “Your daughter will not pay the price for crimes committed by that monster. I swear to you by the Sun I will not let Garnet die. No matter what it takes.”

The Stonespeakers’ eyes widened in shock. Celestia’s words had echoed strangely, as though the room were suddenly far larger. She also glowed as she spoke, like sunrise on a summer’s day.

“Princess, what did you just do?” Twilight asked urgently.

“I made an oath, my faithful student.” The princess replied calmly. “A binding magical oath. Rest assured my little ponies. I will not let Garnet die. Not today. Tišina will not claim her.”

In the stunned babble that followed no one saw Pinkie Pie slip from the gallery, her normally puffy mane and tail flat and completely limp. Her signature energetic hop was replaced with a deliberate, slow, and above all calm walk. The door closed silently behind her.

ooOoo

Dawn Spire carefully went through the steps with meticulous care as Subtle Dancer watched closely. Suddenly there was a pop and a small circle no more than an inch across formed between the two unicorns.

“There.” She said with deep satisfaction. “As you can clearly feel, Chief Horn, it’s identical to Tišina’s portal in every way but size.”

“Very good!” The unicorn’s smile held a hard edge. “What’s the range?”

“Four miles, give or take.” Dawn Spire said. “But it’s a pain in the rump to cast. Like no other magic I’ve ever used. Not to mention it takes six minutes and you can’t let your attention waver at all. Gives me a raging headache on top of everything else.”

“But it will disrupt a portal?”

“Oh yes. Even this little thing would disrupt one of Tišina’s full sized ones. The good thing about these portals is they’re incredibly fragile magically speaking. Like soap bubbles. One little pin-prick and they collapse. You just have to have a needle made of that weird insect magic. Or throw a huge amount of power at it, like you did during her attack.”

“And once the portal has collapsed?” He asked, staring intently at the little circle.

“Gone for good. No way to reconstruct it, you have to start over.”

“Good job, Dawn Spire. You may have just saved the world.” Subtle Dancer congratulated the rose colored unicorn. She grinned.

“Does that mean I get a raise?”

“No.” Subtle Dancer laughed. “But I’m sure Princess Celestia will give you a medal and a ceremony. Public recognition as a Hero of the Crown.”

“You’re joking, right?” Dawn Spire asked, panic creeping into her eyes.

“Why no. I’d never joke about something like that.” He said with a wide smile.

“I never know how to take you.” She grumbled. “A few more bits wouldn’t go amiss. But a ceremony? In public? No thank you!”

“Then you shouldn’t save the world, young Horn.” He said, shaking his head. “They’ll be calling you Dame Dawn Spire before the week’s out.”

“Not if I can help it.” She shuddered. “Why do you think I’m in Magical Analysis? Spells don’t make you spend a week’s salary on a dress you can only wear once!”

“The price you pay for rubbing flanks with the crème de la crème, my dear Spire.” He said. “How long does it take to learn to cast?”

“Took me almost a week.” Dawn Spire said. “You, with my help, maybe a day. The average Horn can’t even learn it. It’s way too weird. And it makes you feel like your eyeballs are going to fall out. Not pleasant.”

“Hmm. Guess you’re getting promoted, Field Agent Dawn Spire.” He grinned. “You’ll be going with the expedition and popping Tišina’s portals up close and personal.”

“What? Oh, no, no, no, no! Not on the best day you ever lived, fearless leader.” Dawn Spire said flatly. “Not happening. I am not cut out for derring-do.”

“Then I’ll let you explain that to Princess Celestia. I’m sure she’ll understand why the only pony capable of saving the world would rather play with her scrolls.” The black unicorn said sedately.

“I hate you.” Dawn Spire said dourly.

ooOoo

Garnet lay quietly in the white bed, not moving at all. Pinkie Pie stood looking down at the young filly, one solemn eye hidden by the fall of her straight pink mane. The only sound in the room was the tick of the wall clock.

“You just rest now, little Garnet. Cousin Pinkie Pie had to go looking for you, but she’ll be back real soon and bring you a present to make you feel all better. She knows you ran away because you got scared of the big bad Meanie, but don’t you worry. I’ll make sure that Meanie can’t hurt you ever again. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

The silly words were delivered in a dead serious voice, one totally unlike Pinkamena.

She left the room as stealthily as she’d entered. The nursing staff never even knew she’d been there. Her only stop was the Royal kitchens, and she stayed only long enough to find the one thing she needed.

Suitably equipped she headed for Princess Celestia’s demolished chambers in a burst of speed that only Rainbow Dash could have hoped to match.

ooOoo

It took some time for the arrangements to be made, and Princess Celestia stayed with the Stonespeakers until Garnet had been moved to recovery and pronounced stable. Then the alicorn had Spring Water escort her parents to Garnet’s room.

“Has anyone seen Pinkie Pie?” Rainbow Dash asked suddenly.

“Huh? She’s right—” Twilight started to say, and then paused, staring at the empty cushion Pinkie had been sitting on.

Teagan and Evelyn exchanged worried glances.

“That’s weird.” Twilight said. “Maybe she had to go to the Little Ponies Room?”

“Come to think on it Ah ain’t seen her since the surgery ended.” Applejack commented. “She was right up front the whole time, watchin’. We shoulda seen her leave but Ah never did.”

Princess Celestia grew still.

“If you’ll excuse me, my little ponies, I have urgent matters to attend to.” The princess said a bit too quickly. She teleported out.

“I think it would be a very good idea if we went looking for Pinkie Pie right now.” Teagan said carefully.

“Why?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Pinkie’s just being Pinkie. She probably went to see if she could dig up some cupcakes or something. You know how random she is.”

“Maybe she went to see Garnet?” Fluttershy offered quietly. “She’s Pinkie’s cousin and Pinkie never got to meet her because she was born after Pinkie came to Ponyville. With her being sick I’d think Pinkie would want to be with her for a while.”

“That’s probably it.” Teagan nodded. “Why don’t we go check? I’m sure she could use some cheering up.”

“That’s a good idea.” Evelyn said. “We certainly don’t want her to be upset.”

Matt finally caught on. “No, can’t have our favorite pink cupcake maker upset, now can we?”

“You’re acting weird, guys.” Rainbow Dash said suspiciously. “What’s going on? Pinkie’s fine! She’s probably with Garnet like Fluttershy said. Or getting something to eat. The food here is cloud-tastic!” She started to drool, thinking about it before coming to herself with a snap.

“I’m just worried about her, Rainbow Dash.” Teagan said honestly, if not completely forthcoming.

“Ok, ok! Jeez! Let’s go down to Garnet’s room, I’m sure that’s where we’ll find her.

ooOoo

A pink blur blasted between the guards, leaving them startled and in disarray. By the time they were able to pursue there was no sign of the intruder, the devastated chambers held no place to hide, the only other exit the hole in the outer wall.

“Alert the Captain. He’ll want to know about this.” The pegasus said to his companion, who sighed.

“Right. I can’t believe this happened on our watch. Again. Are we cursed or something, Fire Cloud?”

“I wish I knew.” Fire Cloud muttered as the other guard arrowed down the hallway.

ooOoo

Tišina paused in her work, raising her head to listen. There it was again. Slow, deliberate clopping. As though a horse were walking around inside her cavern. She looked around herself in disbelief.

Only silence met her intense gaze.

Moram da se slušneme raboti. She murmured to herself and turned back to the partially completed portal.

Only to hear the hoof beats resume. Listening more carefully she tried to pick them out from the echoes caused by the multiple portals crowded in front of her. It almost sounded like the beast was walking around the edge of the cave.

But that was impossible. She was deep inside the heart of a glacier; nothing could reach her here except a portal.

Or teleportation…

Tišina stiffened, sending her senses outward, trying to find the intruder. But the number of portals crowded into the cave caused weird reflections in the mystical spaces, making it impossible to see anything.

“You shouldn’t have done it, Tišina.” A calm voice said from behind her. In panic the dragon lashed her tail, trying to knock over whatever it was. Twisting her neck around, she spotted something in the dark. It moved with the clip-clop sound of a pony.

Grimly she stabbed at the half-seen shape with her tail stinger. The shape slipped aside and her stinger slammed into the rock hard ice of the cavern floor, throwing sparks.

A mocking laugh echoed through the chamber.

“Blind, are we Tišina? Or aren’t you dragon enough to face an adult pony? Is that why you did it? The only ponies you can kill are little, helpless fillies barely eight years old? Tell me why you did it, Tišina.”

“Who are you?” The insect-dragon hissed, having lost the shape in the darkness, the echoes confusing her sonar.

“I’m her cousin, you worthless waste of scales!” The voice yelled from in front of her. She snapped her head around, her tentacles tensing to strike. Infuriatingly, the shape was gone again.

“Well, honorary cousin, really. Pinkie’s her real cousin. But I can’t be too upset with you, monster. All you did was turn everyone in her home town to stone. No biggie, right? The Princess turned them all back—all except Garnet, of course. Well, she turned Garnet back too, actually. Not that it did any good. Poor Garnet.”

Tišina rose to her feet, spreading her wings and raising her tail to weave back and forth, pointed backward to guard from rear attack. The mystic echoes were starting to give the dragon a headache, but she desperately used eyes and ears to try and locate the nuisance plaguing her.

“Ooh, am I scaring you? Little old me? I’m just a sinner, Tišina. Right? Surely you aren’t afraid of me?”

“Oh, wait. That settlement you attacked? Pinkie’s home town? It’s full of rock farmers, did you know that? They didn’t know how to party until Pinkamena showed them. I do so love Pinkamena. She’s such a happy bubbly pony, you just can’t help it.”

Tišina was thinking furiously. She didn’t dare use her breath weapon in the cavern, doing so might damage the portals, or worse, blow back on her. She couldn’t use her dark sight because of the portals and her echo location was useless with all the echoes. Of course one little pony was no threat to her.

Unless that pony had a weapon like the pink one had had. Pink. Pinkamena. Tišina felt a thrill of fear run through her.

“What do you want, little pony?” She sneered.

“Oh, nothing much. I’m just here to make everything even-steven, Tišina. See, you stabbed Garnet. You ought not to have done that. Cause Garnet’s only a little filly. She’s so tiny. When you stabbed her you made two small cuts, you see. Small to you and me, of course. They weren’t so small to Garnet, though. But the Princess made that all better too. So I can’t really be mad at you over that. Well, not a big mad. Only a little mad. For little cuts.”

“No, what really gets my goat is you scared Garnet so bad she ran away, into her own head. So Pinkamena’s had to go looking for her, to bring her back. But that means Pinkamena’s left the building, Tišina. Happy, friendly, wants everypony to have a good time Pinkie Pie’s not here right now, Tišina. But I am.”

“Who are you?” Tišina snarled, spinning about to face where she thought the voice was now. Her tentacles were out, weaving, waiting for a target.

“Who me? Oh, nopony special. But the thing is, Tišina, I’m not Pinkamena. I’m not happy-go-lucky. When I party it’s hardcore. Cause at heart I guess I’m just like a rock farmer. So serious, you know. So steady. Dependable. Relentless.”

The last word was hissed. Tišina backed up a step, and then spun in case the pony had gotten behind her again.

“Why are you so nervous, Tišina? I’m not going to hurt you—much. Just enough to call it even. That’s fair, right? You gave Garnet two little cuts, so to make things even I’m going to give you two little cuts. You’ll hardly even feel them. Well, I guess you might feel them. Cause I want it to hurt, Tišina. Just like you hurt Garnet.”

Hating herself and shuddering in revulsion, knowing she was damning herself further, Tišina gave in and actually cast a spell, causing the roof of the cavern to glow brightly, lighting the entire cave. Seeing a glimmer of pink she stabbed with her tentacles, only for the pink blob to vanish as her stingers went through a portal instead of flesh. She flinched, pulling her stingers back with a gasp.

The portal held steady, making her breathe a sigh of relief. It hadn’t been designed to withstand the emanations from her stingers.

“Here I am, Tišina! Yoo-hoo!” The voice said from her left. She spun and stabbed, yelping as her tentacles slammed into ice, banging them painfully, like a human rapping the tops of their fingernails into the edge of a door.

Cursing she pulled back the tentacles, shaking them to restore feeling and ease the stinging pain.

“Over here!” From the right this time.

She spun and roared.

“Stand still, pest, so I can swat you!”

“Okie. Dokie. Lokie.” The pony said in a slow mocking voice. “I’m standing right here, Tišina. I won’t move, I promise. Take your best shot.”

The dragon stared. The pink pony was standing calmly not ten feet from her. Carefully she let her tentacles coil. Checking to make sure there weren’t any portals nearby she let herself smile, baring razor sharp teeth.

“Now you die, little pony!” She launched her tentacles in a lightning fast strike.

Only to see the pony slide to the side impossibly fast. She screamed in agony as four hundred pounds of pony stomped hard on her extended tentacles with small sharp hooves, trapping them. There was a flash of silver and Tišina screamed again, drawing back stumps that sprayed blood everywhere. A good four feet of each tentacle’s end lay squirming under the pink pony’s hooves.

The pain was excruciating, causing Tišina to instinctively draw back and whimper.

“Guess what, Tišina?” The pony smiled with a vicious baring of teeth. “I lied. I moved after all! But there’s some good news, too. See, now we’re even. You cut Garnet and I cut you. I’ll be taking these souvenirs back with me, Tišina. But just to show there’s no hard feelings I’ll give you some really important news.”

She beamed at the dragon, who glared at her.

“Ready? Here it is! They know where you are, Tišina. They’re coming for you. Soon. No matter where you run, you can’t hide from them. They’ll find you. And then they’ll use the Elements of Harmony to put you to sleep forever. You’ll be a big stone statue, Tišina. Fooor-eeeev-veeeer. But you know what? The Princess is a very kind pony. She really is! So once you’re a statue she won’t break you into millions of little bitty pieces and throw you in the sun. Oh no! She’ll put you in the same garden your brother is in. So the two of you can spend eternity together. Won’t that be lovely, Tišina?”

Tišina jerked her head up, pain nearly forgotten.

“That’s right. We know who you are, Tišina, Great Mother of Silence. Did you know Pinkamena helped fight Discord? See, Pinkamena is one of the Bearers of the Elements. So she was one of the ones who turned Discord into a stone statue. She defeated your brother. I’m so proud of her!”

“No, that’s impossible!” Tišina said. “You’re just a pony! You couldn’t defeat my dearest enemy!”

“Are you stupid, Tišina? I wasn’t the one who did it. Pinkamena did. You know—that laughing, cheerful, party-throwing pony that likes everypony? The one who isn’t here right now?”

“Who are you?” Tišina screamed.

“I’m the voice in Pinkamena’s head that doesn’t like you, Tišina.” The pony said, no longer smiling. “And you better pray that Pinkamena finds Garnet and brings her back. You better pray to whatever beings made you that Pinkamena doesn’t get delayed coming back. Because she’ll just put you to sleep forever. Quietly. Painlessly.”

The pony met Tišina’s gaze and the dragon shuddered. The pony’s eyes were limpid blue pools of utter madness.

“Me, on the other hand, if I’m still here when we meet? Well, I’m going to eat you all up, Tišina. Bite by delicious bite. With a spoon, Tišina. A very large, very rusty, very dull spoon. I think I’ll start with your eyes and work my way down to your claws. Won’t that be fun?”

She picked up the severed tentacles with her mouth, speaking the final words around them, like a cartoon dog carrying sausage links.

“See you later, alligator!”

Stepping backward, she vanished.

Trembling, the wounded dragon crept forward, waving a paw through the space where the pony had stood. The only evidence the intruder had ever been there were splashes of Tišina’s own blood and the fierce burning from her regenerating tentacles.

Cerise Introduces Herself

View Online

In which Pinkie’s friends meet a surprising new pony.

The sound of clattering hooves alerted Fire Cloud. He spun to look back into the Princess’s chambers, wishing Cumulous had already returned with the captain and a squad for backup. The sight that met his eyes broke the stoic resolve Royal Guard ponies were so famous for. He gaped and backed a single step; really wishing backup was already here.

Strolling toward him, a pair of white snakes dripping green blood hanging from her mouth, covered head to foot with splatters of more green blood, was the Bearer of Laughter. Fire Cloud had never actually met Pinkie Pie but the stories he’d heard said she was always happy and throwing parties.

He decided right then and there to decline any invitation this pony sent him…

She was humming a little song to herself, each step making the snakes jiggle and squirm. Ignoring him except for a single rolling eye that gave him the heebie-jeebies she broke into a trot as she headed up the corridor.

“Ha-ha-halt!” He shouted after she was a good ten yards away.

To his horror, the pony skidded to a halt and spun around. He found himself being regarded by a single eye, the other hidden behind her long straight mane. She raised an eyebrow at him.

“You talking to me? I know you must be talking to me, because I’m the only other pony here. You sound like you’re going to try and stop me leaving, pretty pony. Tell me, do you really want to do that? Do you want me to stay? Really?”

No. He didn’t. He really didn’t. But it was his job. He stepped forward, trying to radiate stoic threat.

“They don’t pay you enough to mess with me, Sunny Jim.” She said around the snakes in her mouth. “Since I’m doing Pinkie a solid, and working the side of the angels for a change, I’ll let it slide this time. So just be a good little soldier boy and you’ll live to guard another day. By the way, when they ask? And they will ask...the name’s Cerise.”

She spun around and blurred away, faster than Fire Cloud had ever seen an earth pony move. Faster than a flying pegasus, for that matter. Especially one weighed down by heavy armor…

When Cumulous came back with Shining Armor and a squad of the Royal Guard they found Fire Cloud staring up the corridor with white rimmed eyes, shaking. It took a full minute for the captain of the guard to even get Fire Cloud’s attention. When his subordinate finally noticed him Shining Armor swallowed, not allowing the thrill of unease to show on his face.

Fire Cloud looked like a pony that had stared death in the face and was still waiting on the judge’s verdict.

“Suck it up, stallion!” The captain snapped, more as a kindness than a command. Fire Cloud’s eyes focused on him.

“She said her name was Cerise, Captain.” Fire Cloud said in a strange voice. “It was the Bearer of Laughter. But Celestia save me if she ever starts laughing.”

“Pinkie Pie?” Shining Armor said blankly.

Fire Cloud shook his head.

“No, Captain. Not Pinkie Pie. She was covered in blood, Captain. Green blood. And she was carrying a pair of dead snakes in her mouth. They were still twitching and bleeding. Oh blessed Celestia!” Throwing back his head he shuddered like a foal afraid of the monster in the closet, eyes rolling. He was a pony on the edge of panic and it was affecting the rest of the squad, who were starting to cast nervous glances everywhere.

Shining Armor was at a loss to explain Fire Cloud’s condition. Cumulous had reported a pink blur, and that certainly sounded like Pinkie Pie, but he’d never heard of Cerise—or another pony that could be mistaken for the Bearer of Laughter.

“Atten-hun!” He finally bellowed. Every soldier throughout history has had that command, or its equivalent, burned into their soul. It’s in the military DNA, buried in every cell of armed forces personnel, be they troll, pony, or human.

It worked.

Fire Cloud snapped into attention, along with the entire squad, quivering with rigid reflex.

“Guard! Report! What happened here?”

“Sir, yes Sir!” Fire Cloud saluted crisply. “Approximately ten minutes after I sent Cumulous to alert you about the intruder I heard hoof beats behind me, Sir! Turning I saw what I thought was the Bearer of Laugher, covered in green blood, Sir! Pink earth pony with pink mane and tail, both long and straight. Mane hanging over one eye, Sir! Cutie mark of three balloons, Sir! Carrying what appeared to be two dead white snakes in her mouth, Sir! The snakes looked to have green heads, Sir! Said pony trotted past me humming a song, Sir! Both snakes were still dripping green blood from their tails, Sir! When ordered to halt the pony turned around and looked at me, Sir! Told me I was not paid enough to mess with her, Sir! Said she was doing Pinkie Pie a favor, Sir! Told me to tell you her name was Cerise, Sir! Then the pony turned and ran, much faster than even a pegasus in flight, Sir! End of report, Sir!”

Shining Armor stood still for a moment, thinking about what the guard had just said. It sounded as though it had been Pinkie Pie—but covered in green blood? Carrying dead snakes in her mouth? Threatening a guard so blatantly? That didn’t sound like the pony he knew.

In fact, it didn’t sound like a pony, period.

Of course, he couldn’t fault Fire Cloud for not attacking what he thought was the Bearer of Laughter. The Princess tended to look the other way where the Bearers were concerned and everypony in the Royal Guard knew it. Attacking a Bearer would be as serious a matter as attacking a noble. Any guard who did that would have to have a mountain of evidence on his side…

More often than not, he admitted ruefully, the Princess’s blind eye was justified. His own sister, the Bearer of Magic, had acted in the most shocking way possible at his wedding—only to be proven right in the end as the imposter posing as his bride was unmasked.

Twilight still hadn’t let him live that one down.

“Cumulous, why don’t you take Fire Cloud to the infirmary? Silver Streak, you and Aurora relieve them and stay here. The rest of you, fan out and try to find the Bearer of Laughter. When you do, observe her but do not try and detain her. Report your findings as soon as you can. Dismissed.”

He headed to the throne room to inform the princess of this bizarre event.

ooOoo

Subtle Dancer jumped violently as two white tentacles landed on his desk with a thump.

“Present for you.” A voice said cheerfully. “Thought you might be able to use these.”

Looking up he recoiled at the smiling horror in front of his desk.

“Before you ask, no, I’m not Pinkie Pie. She’s off looking for Garnet.” The blood soaked nightmare said calmly. “Name’s Cerise. I’m filling in for Pinkie while she’s away. House sitting, you might say.”

She nodded at the tentacles. “Sorry about the drool on ‘em, I’m a little hungry. Know where a pony can get some grub around here? Something that isn’t cupcakes?” She made a face. “I love Pinkie but she’s got the dietary standards of a three year-old.”

“Where did you get these?” Subtle Dancer asked recovering his composure. He lifted one stinger with his magic and inspected it.

“Where do you think I got them, Dancer? I thought you guys were supposed to be on the ball!”

“It would appear these are the severed cranial tentacles from Tišina. The blood all over you appears to be hers as well.” He noted. “How did you manage such a remarkable feat?”

“Kitchen knife.” Cerise said succinctly. “See, I had a score to settle with her. She tried to kill Pinkie’s cousin Garnet. Cut her pretty bad in the process. Made her run away into her own head too. Well, Pinkie didn’t like that at all. She went haring off after Garnet to bring her back. Leaving me in charge.” The pony grinned. “I don’t take kindly to monsters carving up little foals, Subtle Dancer. Especially when they’re my cousins, honorary or not. So I found Tišina and had a little dance with her, then brought you back some souvenirs. Hope you like ‘em.”

“I’m sure they’ll be invaluable, my dear Cerise. But tell me, exactly how did you find Tišina? Has she left her lair?”

“That would be telling, Chief.” Cerise said. “I can’t reveal all of Pinkie’s secrets, now can I? She’d pout for days. No, Tišina was home when I came calling. Probably won’t be after the scare I gave her though. But the important thing is she wasn’t alone.”

“What?” Subtle Dancer snapped to attention. “She’s recruited allies? Who?”

“More like constructed allies.” Cerise corrected him. “A whole mess of portals. Must have been fifty of the things. She was working on another one when I knocked.”

“So she is planning to burn the world.” Subtle Dancer said hollowly.

“Looks like. From the look of things she’s pretty damn close to done, too. You guys might want to get a move on. Now, about that grub?”

“I’m sure the Royal kitchens would be happy to give the Bearer of Laughter a meal.” The black unicorn said. “Even with a different houseguest behind the eyes. May I suggest a shower first? Just to keep the cooks calm while they make your food?”

“Yeah, that’s not a bad idea.” She admitted. “This stuff is starting to itch as it dries and green definitely isn’t her color. Ghrian Suite, right?”

“I believe so. Tell me Cerise,” He said as the pink pony turned to go. She turned back, raising an eyebrow.

“Could you kill Tišina?”

“What, and ruin Pinkie’s fun? What do you think I am, a monster?” With a grim chuckle the pink pony disappeared in a blur.

“No, indeed.” Subtle Dancer said as he turned to summon Dawn Spire and give her the grisly souvenirs. “That would insult the monsters.”

He sighed. He would have to deliver this news to Princess Celestia himself.

ooOoo

“Ha, found her!” Rainbow Dash called to the others as she hovered over the pink pony. “Pinkie Pie we’ve been looking everywhere for you! Hey, what happened to your mane? It’s all flat. And wet.”

“I’m sorry, Pinkie’s not home right now. But I’ll be glad to tell her you stopped by.” The pink pony didn’t even look up from her food.

“Pinkie, you’re so random!” Rainbow Dash said as she settled the floor. That’s when she got a good look at the pink pony’s plate.

“Is that meat?” She gasped. “What the hay?” She backed away several steps.

“Naw, it’s a fake steak. Pretty good though. You want a bite?” The other replied. By now the rest of the Bearers and the humans had joined them.

“But, but, but—Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow Dash said, flabbergasted, wings flaring. “It’s still meat! That’s disgusting.”

The other pony shook her head. “No, it isn’t. It’s fake meat. Made of tofu or something. And I told you. Pinkie’s not here. She’s off chasing Garnet. My name’s Cerise.”

“What do you mean, your name’s Cerise? Pinkie, what’s going on?” Twilight demanded, turning the slightest shade of green from the contents of the pink pony’s plate.

“I am not Pinkie!” The pink pony snarled. “Pinkie isn’t here right now, ok? My name is Cerise. I’m—house sitting for Pinkie while she’s off trying to find Garnet. Got it?” She glared at Twilight, who swallowed nervously.

“Hello, Cerise. My name is Evelyn Lewis. I’m a friend of Pinkie’s.” The detective said, settling across from the pink pony.

“I know who you are. I was there when Pinkie met you.” Cerise said with a half smile. “And I also know what you’re thinking, Evelyn Lewis. You’re not wrong.”

“When is Pinkie coming back?” Evelyn asked, leaning back in her chair but inwardly taut as a bowstring.

“No idea. Depends on how long it takes her to track down Garnet. Shouldn’t be more than a couple of days at the outside. Personally, this house sitting business is ok, but I’m looking forward to a nice long nap when she gets back. Between the two of us if it wasn’t for the food and the revenge I’d just as soon give it a pass.”

“Revenge?” Twilight asked sharply. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, that.” Cerise chuckled. “See, I wanted to get even with Tišina for hurting Garnet. So I cut off her tentacles.”

“And how did you manage that trick, Cerise?” Matt asked with interest while everyone else gaped.

“Not telling.” Cerise grinned. “But it involved a kitchen knife. One of the Royal kitchen knives, actually. Swiped it just before I left the castle.”

“You stole it?” Fluttershy asked in a shocked voice. “How could you steal from the Princess?”

“Relax, kitten. I dumped it back in the dishwasher’s tub when he wasn’t looking.” Cerise chuckled. “Borrowing the knife is what upsets you? Not cutting off Tišina’s tentacles? My, my, you do have hidden depths.”

“Oh,” The yellow pegasus blinked, “yes, well, that was bad too—I guess. So, um, bad Cerise? For hurting Tišina, I mean? Not that she didn’t deserve it, of course. But you can’t just go around hurting monsters that—try to kill everypony?”

She sighed.

“I’m not very convincing, am I?” She asked sadly. “I’m a terrible pony for not caring.” She hung her head.

“Yes, well, Fluttershy some creatures are just beyond help.” Rarity said brightly. “So tell me—Cerise—what exactly did you do to Tišina? Besides cutting off her tentacles, I mean?”

“Scared the hay out of her.” Cerise grinned. “Put the fear of Celestia in her while I was at it. Told her exactly what I was going to do to her if we met again before Pinkie got back.”

“And what would that be?” Applejack asked, staring at what looked like her friend but wasn’t.

“Trust me. You don’t want to know. But it involves a spoon.” Cerise said, meeting the orange pony’s gaze. It was Applejack that looked away first. “But like I said Pinkie will be back soon. Unfortunately we may not have time to wait.”

“And why is that, my little pony?” Princess Celestia asked, having just teleported in.

“Your little pony, Celestia?” Cerise chuckled. “You sure you want to claim me? I would think I’m a bit too hardcore for your tastes.”

The ponies were shocked speechless by her rudeness. No pony had ever shown such disrespect to the princess!

“We can discuss your personality quirks later.” Celestia said mildly. “What do you mean we may not have time to wait for Pinkamena? Without her the Elements of Harmony cannot be used.”

“True that.” Cerise nodded. “I’m just not cut out to be the Bearer of Laughter. Thing is, Tišina’s been a busy little arch-villain. She’s constructed over fifty portals in her lair. The resonances nearly made me hurl.”

“Oh my.” Celestia said, clearly worried. “Why make so many in the same place?”

“Well they aren’t going to stay in the same place, now are they now, Sunshine?” Cerise said condescendingly. “She’s gonna place them across Equestria, obviously.

“Did you see any larger portals, Cerise?” The princess’s voice had turned cool. Teagan began to get a bad feeling about this conversation.

“No. I guess she hasn’t finished making the small ones yet.” The pink pony replied. “And unless I miss my guess she’s going to abandon that little plan completely now. If you get off your Royal rump and exploit all that lovely paranoia I planted in her head.”

“What did you do?” The princess asked in alarm.

“Told her you knew where she was. Told her you were coming for her. Told her you were going to turn her to stone and put her in the same garden as her brother so they could spend eternity together.”

“You gave the enemy our plans? Why?” The princess asked, completely outraged.

“Actually, Your Highness, that’s brilliant.” Matt interjected. Evelyn nodded in enthusiastic agreement. Celestia eyed the two humans in confusion.

“What do you mean, Matthew?” She asked. “Surely letting Tišina know anything is a bad idea?”

“Ah, the innocence of you Equestrians.” He said fondly. “Cerise just solved our biggest problem for us, assuming Tišina takes the bait.”

“I don’t understand.” Celestia said, trying to see what he was talking about. The other ponies were equally at sea.

“Our biggest problem is keeping Tišina away from her doomsday weapon, right? What better solution than to have Tišina voluntarily run away from it because it’s now a huge target that we’re going to hit at some unspecified—but horribly soon—point in time? Remember when I said Tišina was a coward? A predator? Predators aren’t interested in fighting for their meals, Your Highness. If they know the prey has a good chance of hurting them they’ll find easier prey.”

“Now we know Tišina watches us. So what we need to do is make a show for her. Make her think we’re launching a huge attack against her lair in, say a week. Meanwhile, quietly, we launch a real attack against her lair by a smaller force immediately. When she starts hearing us tearing down her glacier around her ears she’ll look to see what’s going on. Finding attackers already on top of her…”

Matt grinned that fearsome grin of the truly insane.

“She runs away like the coward she is. Leaving her doomsday weapon vulnerable to our portal destruction experts.”

“I like this guy.” Cerise said happily. “He’s as crazy as I am! Woo-hoo!”

“You believe this will work, Matthew?” The Princess asked in a serious voice.

“Nothing in war is ever certain, Your Highness. But I believe it has a very good chance of working. We know where Tišina is. We’ve already got a supply train moving the bombs into position to strike her, and the pipeline’s already full. In six days time we’ll have all the bombs we need to dig a hole to the bottom of that god-forsaken glacier if we have to.”

“And now that Cerise just scared the crap out of her, I say it’s time to strike.” He said firmly.

Good News

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In which Twilight expresses concern, Teagan avoids trolls, and faith is rewarded.

“What am I going to do, Princess?” Twilight asked, hanging her head. “Pinkie’s gone insane! She’s calling herself Cerise and eating meat, or the next thing to it! I don’t know what to do!”

“First, my faithful student, calm down.” The alicorn told the pacing unicorn. “Panicking won’t bring Pinkamena back to us.”

“You’re right. You’re right.” Twilight stopped pacing, closed her eyes and took a deep calming breath. “Have you ever seen anything like this before?”

“No.” Celestia shook her head. “Never, not in a thousand years. Evelyn Lewis warned me that something like this might happen. Frankly, I’m somewhat relieved it isn’t worse.”

“How could it be worse?” Twilight asked in disbelief. “Pinkie’s gone! Whatever that creature inside her head is, it’s not Pinkie!”

“It’s not a cannibal either.” Celestia said quietly.

Twilight froze. “Ca-ca-cannibal? What are you talking about?”

“The bronies believe Pinkamena could become a murderous cannibal if her sanity were lost.” Celestia said, uncharacteristically direct. “That she could turn on her friends.”

“Pinkie would never—” Twilight started to say indignantly, and then paused. Celestia nodded.

“Exactly, my faithful student. Pinkamena would never. But you said yourself that isn’t Pinkamena. If tofu steaks and her little foray against Tišina satisfy her bloodlust then we should count our blessings. After all, Pinkamena has always displayed—unusual—talents.” The princess said, choosing her words carefully. “Abilities other ponies, even unicorns, lack. I believe you tried investigating her prophetic abilities at one point?”

“Oh, yes.” Twilight said. “I gave up trying to figure them out. Nothing Pinkie can do makes any sense either magically or scientifically.”

The princess nodded. “Very true, my faithful student. Sometimes it’s better to embrace the mystery rather than solve it. In Pinkamena’s case she was content to use her abilities in pursuit of her parties and little else. It appears Cerise is rather more pragmatic.”

“I can’t believe she found Tišina’s lair, then actually fought her—and won. How is that even possible? Isn’t her lair hundreds and hundreds of miles away? How could a kitchen knife hurt Tišina? How could Pinkie have beaten her?”

“If I knew the answers to your questions, Twilight, I would be very happy indeed. Pinkamena’s abilities defy even my understanding.”

“Do you think Pinkie’s really trying to find Garnet?” Twilight asked.

The princess nodded.

“It’s very likely. There are spells that let somepony walk in another’s dreams. I would not put it past Pinkamena to have that ability.”

“So what do we do in the meantime?”

“Have faith in Pinkamena.” The princess said quietly. “There’s nothing else we can do.”

ooOoo

Teagan caught up with Matt several hours after Cerise had introduced herself.

“Hi.” She said as Matt came out of the Shining Armor’s office.

“Hey, Squirt. What’s up?” He asked with a grin. He’d been in an incredibly good mood since Cerise had dropped her little bombshell. He’d offered to lead the raid they were hoping would spook Tišina away from her lair. Celestia had been only too happy to accept.

“Trying to dodge the troll delegation—especially the Snøskred.” Teagan said. “Ever since we met he’s been hanging around, constantly trying to sweet talk me. If I didn’t know he was just after Crush it would be super-creepy.”

Matt laughed. “How many teenage girls can honestly say they’re important enough to merit the attention of an ambassador?” He asked reasonably. “You should be honored.”

“Yeah, well tall, green, and looming isn’t my idea of fun.” She retorted. “Evelyn’s been monopolized by Subtle Dancer for hours and with Cerise around Twilight’s been a complete basket case. She finally went off to have a talk with Princess Celestia.” Teagan shuddered.

“Not that I blame her. Cerise is just plan scary. Fluttershy left to try her luck with the animals in the Royal gardens again. Rarity is off “networking”, Rainbow Dash is trying to cage a meeting with the Wonder Bolts, leaving Applejack to fret herself into a funk over Cerise.”

“Meaning you’re bored.” Matt guessed shrewdly.

“Bored and trying not to smash Bevis Mot Lyn with Crush.” She agreed. “Don’t suppose you’ve got some time for a sparring match? I need to work off some serious aggravation.”

“Hmm.” He considered. “You know, it might not be a bad idea to keep your training up, especially since we’re leaving for the raid in three days. Tell you what. Why don’t you meet me at the Sun Shield training ground in an hour? I’ve got to meet with Duke Shimmerling to ‘keep him in the loop’.” Matt did air quotes. “It’s amazing how much Equestrian politics mirror the human version. See you in an hour!”

He strode off, leaving Teagan wondering how to keep out of the trolls’ way while not suffering from terminal boredom. She wondered if Sun Hammer would be willing to hang out. Of course he wasn’t much of a social butterfly so they probably wouldn’t leave the armory…meaning she’d be much less likely to run into the Snøskred.

Cheered by that happy thought she turned to head back to the main part of the castle when a cultured voice stopped her.

“Ah, Lady Teagan. A fortuitous meeting.”

“Alene.” She said, turning to face the mild mannered troll and nodding. Unlike the Snøskred, Alene Dalen was actually Teagan’s height, although he outweighed her by at least 150 pounds. Also unlike the Snøskred he hadn’t ambushed her at every turn.

“What brings you out into the bright sunshine, Alene? I thought trolls preferred to avoid it?”

“A slight exaggeration, my dear Lady Teagan. We aren’t bothered by sunlight, it’s simply our society is underground; therefore most of us never have an occasion to venture onto the surface. As to why I ventured forth, well the day is cool and the surroundings pleasant. I thought a walk would be enjoyable. After all, Alene does mean ‘walker’, you know.”

“I remember you mentioning that.” Teagan said. “What does Snøskred mean?”

“I believe the word in your language would be ‘avalanche’.” He said as they walked slowly away from the main part of the castle and toward the gardens.

Teagan laughed. “It fits him.”

“Oh yes. Trolls prefer to negotiate from a position of strength, you see. Thus our ambassadors bear the title of an unstoppable force.”

“It’s interesting troll wizards use the title Walker.” Teagan commented. “Is that a reference to walkers of the hidden knowledge, or mystical paths, or something?”

“Very perceptive, Lady Teagan.” The troll said with a smile. “My full title is Walker of the Hidden Path. Those who wield troll magic must be prudent, lest it crush them—literally. Thus it attracts trolls of a more contemplative temperament.”

“I hadn’t realized troll magic was so dangerous. Pony magic certainly doesn’t seem to be.”

“Trolls must deal with the bones of the world.” The Alene answered calmly. “Our magic is the magic of the deep earth, where lava surges and stone bears unimaginable weight. Making a mistake in such places is swiftly fatal.”

“I can imagine.” Teagan said, shuddering. “What about the glacier where we’re going? Do the same magical rules apply there?”

“Oh yes.” The Alene answered with a chuckle. “Deep ice, such as that found in the heart of a glacier, is very much like deep earth. However, it has its own mysteries as well.”

They walked a bit further in silence.

“Alene Dalen, I’d like to ask you a question, if it’s ok.” Teagan said seriously.

“I will answer if I am able.” The Alene responded gravely.

“It’s about the fight between Sun Hammer and the Troll King. I’ve heard Sun Hammer’s side of things, but I’d like to hear the troll side. If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.” The Alene answered with raised eyebrows. “I’m surprised you want to know. I was under the impression Sun Hammer was a friend of yours.”

“He is. But that fight—well, maybe I shouldn’t tell you this, but the ponies shun him for what he did. And I don’t understand why that is. He’s a hero, he saved the world! Yet they can’t get over the fact he killed someone.”

“Do humans kill so easily, Lady Teagan?” The Alene asked curiously. “The taking of a life is no small thing, even to trolls.”

“Then why was the Troll King going to kill Princess Celestia?” She asked reasonably. “That makes no sense. I mean, Sun Hammer said something about trespassing but surely that’s not a capital offense?”

“Trespassing?” The Alene asked. “Well, yes. I suppose they were, in a sense. But the matter is far more complicated, Lady Teagan. It has to do with troll law, and political ambition and ancient grievances. It had almost nothing to do with trespass, or the ponies themselves, really.”

“So trolls aren’t quite as straightforward as Sun Hammer believes? Why does that not surprise me?” Teagan asked drily.

The Alene chuckled. “My dear Lady Teagan, nothing is as straightforward as Sun Hammer believes. To be fair, many trolls are simple folk who keep their word and demand that others keep theirs as well. But the clever and the ambitious, these trolls see more shades of gray than a typical troll. And that, I fear is where the old king’s downfall is truly rooted. The fight between him and Sun Hammer was inevitable. In a way it almost didn’t matter if the old king won or lost—or at least so trolls thought before Princess Celestia proved her claims.”

“You’re saying the old king was goaded into attacking the ponies? He really didn’t want to? Some member of the council, maybe?”

“How astute.” The Alene said in an approving tone. “Yes, Lady Teagan. You would not recognize the names, so I will omit them to protect the innocent and guilty alike. The story is, I’m sure, a familiar one to humans. Old grudges between powerful family heads, political alliances for short-sighted goals, and then Princess Celestia’s presence in troll territory provided someone a golden opportunity to settle old debts.”

“You may have discovered that trolls are a stubborn race. We hold firm opinions, arrived at by careful consideration, and once made trolls are loathe to give them up after having invested so much time and effort in their creation.”

“This forms the backbone of our laws and customs. To a troll, law is a sacred thing, and obeying it is life itself. Those who break the law are foresworn. A most terrible fate, almost always fatal.”

“I would imagine you don’t have many career criminals then.” Teagan said, taken aback.

“No.” The Alene smiled. “A troll’s first crime is generally their last. However my point was that troll stubbornness means our laws do not change. The thinking goes that if something was evil yesterday it will still be evil today. As such our laws do not require a great deal of interpretation.”

“Humans aren’t like that.” Teagan said, shaking her head. “Our laws always require insane amounts of interpretation. And they’re always changing.”

“Given what you’ve said about your people that does not surprise me.” The Alene noted.

“However, suffice it to say the old king was outmaneuvered on a point of troll law. He had no choice but to drive off the ponies by any means necessary. The ponies proved stronger than anticipated, which meant he had to try and kill the Princess. Instead Sun Hammer killed him, a turn of events no one, troll or pony, anticipated. You’ll be happy to know it threw troll politics into utter chaos. They have still not completely recovered.”

“No, Alene, that doesn’t make me happy.” Teagan shook her head. “The whole mess was a wicked waste of lives. The old king died, Sun Hammer’s life was completely destroyed, the relations between Equestria and the trolls reduced to the edge of war…” She shook her head.

“Can I at least hope the troll that started the whole mess was dealt with?”

“That depends on what you mean by dealt with.” The Alene said, looking at Teagan oddly. “That particular troll no longer wields the sort of influence he did before, certainly. He lost a great deal of credibility with one-time allies, who abandoned him. But he broke none of our laws, so he remains on the council.”

“I guess that’s better than nothing.” Teagan said with a grimace.

“Forgive me, Lady Teagan, but why do you care? The situation strengthened the ponies’ position in the world. Aren’t you aligned with the ponies?”

“Of course. But I hate to see anyone suffer. It’s not right, and it’s not fair. Why did the old king and Sun Hammer have to pay with their lives to clean up the mess this troll council member made?”

“I see humans understand fairness, then.” The Alene said, nodding. “Why indeed? The answer is simple enough, though it is not satisfying. The troll in question made very sure he was standing at the top of the rockslide while the king and Sun Hammer were at the bottom. Nature then took its course, as it always will.”

“The Snøskred still wants Crush back.” Teagan said as they entered the gardens. “But Crush won’t serve anyone but me. How does that affect your politics, Alene?”

“For now, who holds Mountain Heart is of no importance, Lady Teagan.” The troll said. “One does not cook dinner while the cavern collapses about one’s ears.”

“What about after Tišina’s been dealt with?” Teagan asked shrewdly. “I’m going back home and Crush will go with me.”

“We trolls pay our debts, Lady Teagan. Should we succeed in averting the prophecy it will be in no small part due to you. While I do not speak for the King, may his rule be long and prosperous, he will acknowledge his debt, as he must.”

“Does that mean he’ll forget about taking Crush back?” She asked.

“I cannot speak for the King, Lady Teagan.” The Alene said again. “It may be that he will choose to pay his debt in another fashion and still demand the return of Mountain Heart.”

“Crush has already said it will not serve anyone but me.” Teagan said thoughtfully. “What happens if I lay down Crush and tell the King if he can lift Crush, he can have it? And then Crush refuses to move?”

The Alene’s mask cracked for just a moment, showing astonishment. Teagan watched his poker face reassert itself.

“Hmm.” He said. “That would not be a good thing, Lady Teagan. If Mountain Heart refused the King it would be a repudiation of his right to rule. It would lead to all manner of troubles.”

“Civil war?” Teagan asked.

“I do not know what a civil war is, Lady Teagan. Do humans maintain their civility while fighting? That must be a strange sight indeed.”

“A civil war is when a country divides into two or more sides and starts fighting each other.” Teagan said. “It happens with humans all the time. Even my own country had one. And no, it’s never civil. Civil wars are the worst kind because it doesn’t just pit two sides against each other. It can leave friends on opposite sides, and even split families.”

“It seems nuclear weapons are not the only horror humans have had to face.” The Alene actually shuddered. “Trolls would never descend into such madness! Clan against clan, yes. But not within a single clan! And even such inter-clan fighting has not been seen since before ponies arrived.”

“So it’s in the King’s best interest let Crush leave the world.” Teagan said, watching the Alene.

He studied her. “Lady Teagan, would you truly see trolls destroyed? If you did that it could be the end of my species. We would lose everything.”

“I would prefer to go home and take Crush with me.” Teagan said, staring the wizard in the eyes. “I would prefer to have the ponies and the trolls become friends and allies. I would prefer no one get hurt. I seldom get what I prefer, Alene. But this time I think I’m going to have to insist.”

“I see. You’ve given me much to consider, Lady Teagan. If you’ll excuse me?” The Alene asked politely.

“Of course. And Alene?” He paused, turning to watch her. “I’m glad you told me the troll side of things. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He bowed and walked away. Teagan sighed heavily, and went to find Fluttershy.

ooOoo

Flint and Blueberry sat with their daughter. It had been a full day since the operation, and Garnet hadn’t stirred. At first Blueberry had talked to her, being cheerful and relating all the news that Garnet had missed while Flint answered his wife whenever she asked him to chime in.

But the blue earth pony had eventually succumbed to silence, and now the two of them stood vigil, simply waiting for the end. Neither would admit it to the other, but both knew their daughter wasn’t going to wake up.

This was why when Garnet suddenly yawned, stretched, and opened her eyes her parents didn’t move. They were too shocked to react.

“Mama? Papa? I had a bad dream.” Garnet said, blinking at them. “A monster came and snuck around, hurting everypony, even me. But I managed to run away and hide, deep in a cave. It was really dark, and cold, Mama, and I was so scared. But the Pink One came and found me. I know nobody likes to talk about her much, but I was lost in the cave. I couldn’t find my way out but she knew the way, Mama. She was so kind, Papa! She smiled and laughed and told me stories as we came back until I wasn’t scared any more. And then I woke up.”

She stared at her wide-eyed, silent parents and gulped.

“Are you mad at me? Cause I dreamed about the Pink One?”

“No, Garnet.” Flint said, a single tear running down his face. “We’re not mad at you.”

“Oh my foal!” Blueberry hugged her daughter and broke down into sobs.

“Mama? Why are you crying?” Garnet asked, bewildered. “It was just a bad dream, Mama. I’m awake now, I’m sorry if I did something bad.”

“No, my foal. You didn’t do anything bad.” Blueberry said, nuzzling her daughter. “Everything’s fine now. Flint, go get the doctor!”

The stallion turned and galloped from the room.

“Doctor? Why? Are you sick?” Garnet asked, pulling away and staring at her mother. Startled, she looked around.

“Hey! This isn’t our house. Where are we?” She asked in confusion.

“We’re in Canterlot, dear. In the hospital. You were very sick but the Princess healed you.” Blueberry explained.

“So it wasn’t a dream?” Garnet started to tremble.

“No dear. It really happened. But the Princess came and made everything all right again.”

“And the Pink One?” Garnet asked timidly.

“Came and found you, dumpling.” Blueberry nodded. “She was with us while you were being healed, and she saw that you had run away, so she went and found you. Thank Celestia!” She hugged her daughter again.

Flint and the doctor came rushing in. It was the earth pony Ruby who had assisted in Garnet’s operation.

On seeing the blood red pony Garnet became very quiet, and watched her carefully as she checked over the young foal.

“How are you feeling today, Garnet?” Ruby finally asked, smiling down at the young foal.

“I gotta go, ma’am.” Garnet said in a small voice. Ruby laughed. “Right through there, Garnet. Come back and talk when you’re done, ok?”

“Ok.” The foal scrambled out of bed and bolted for the indicated door.

“She’s fine.” Ruby told the anxious parents.

“Oh, thank Celestia!” Blueberry said, leaning against Flint in relief. The rock farmer’s face was stoic.

“Anything we need to do, Doctor? Does she need any kinda medicine or bed rest or exercises or somethin’?” He asked.

“No, she’s fine, Mr. Stonespeaker. Princess Celestia healed Garnet completely. The only problem was her coma and now that she’s come out of that she’s as right as rain.”

“I watched you while Garnet was on the table, Doctor.” Flint said quietly. “I saw you call that unicorn over and save our daughter’s life. There ain’t no way I can ever repay my debt to you. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome, Mr. Stonespeaker.” Ruby said with a smile. “But the entire medical team did their part, not just me. And without Princess Celestia—well the Princess did the manticore’s share.”

“So what happens now?”

“Well, I’m sure the Princess would like to say goodbye to you. After that I imagine you’ll return to Rockton. But first I’d like to take the three of you down to the cafeteria and treat you to a good solid meal. I know the two of you have been with Garnet all day without eating, and she’s probably famished.”

“I am a little hungry.” Garnet said shyly, having slipped unheard from the bathroom as the adults talked.

“Well then, let’s get you something to eat, young lady!” Ruby said with a smile of genuine happiness.

ooOoo

The Ghrian suite was quiet even though all its occupants were there. The Bearers, except the Bearer of Laughter, were in the main room along with the humans, but no one was speaking. Everything that could be said had been said. Cerise simply wasn’t someone they could deal with, nor apparently did she have the patience to deal with them. She had retired to her room to get some sleep, or so she claimed.

That’s why when her door opened and she bounced out it took a moment for everyone to register that her mane and tail were no longer flat and straight.

“Hi guys! Guess what? I found Garnet!” The goofy grin was instantly recognizable.

“Pinkie Pie?” Twilight asked hesitantly.

“Yes?” The pink pony asked, beaming.

“Is it really you, Sugarcube?” Applejack asked cautiously.

“Yep, yep! Sorry it took me so long, but she was really, really lost. Just got back. Any cupcakes? I’m starved.”

She wasn’t ready for the wave of ponies that bowled her over, hugging and babbling about how glad they were to see her.

“Thank goodness.” Evelyn murmured to Teagan as they and Matt watched a multicolored huddle of ponies tumble about the room amidst the laughter. “Cerise may have done us an impossible favor but I’m soooooo glad Pinkie’s back. Cerise was a psycho.”

“Me too. But you know they’re the same person, right?” Matt commented. “Multiple personality disorder.”

“Maybe.” Evelyn said softly, watching the six ponies chatter happily to each other. “But in this magical land who can say for certain? Want to bet Garnet’s still in a coma?”

“In a cartoon? No bet.” Matt said, shaking his head. “The rules say she’s gotta be pretty much back to normal.”

“Yeah, except cartoon rules don’t apply here, Matt.” Teagan said. “Well, not to anybody but Pinkie.”

“Who said Garnet’s back.” Matt pointed out. “Ergo, she’s back. That reminds me.”

He got up and went out into the hallway. He wasn’t gone for more than a minute.

“Just told the guard to let the Princess know Pinkie’s back and Cerise is gone.” He said to their inquiring looks. “Always pays to keep the top brass informed, ladies.”

Pinkie got up from her friends and came over to Matt.

“Hey Matt.” She said cheerfully. “Did you miss me?”

“Absolutely.” He nodded. “Your house sitter was a bit too much like Bone for my comfort.”

“Oh, Cerise.” Pinkie said dismissively. “Hope she didn’t cause any trouble. I didn’t have time to find another sitter. She promised she’d be good. She didn’t do anything—bad—did she?” Pinkie added, looking worried.

“Well, aside from scaring a guard pony half to death and paying Tišina a little visit, no, nothing terrible.” Matt said calmly. “She actually did us a big favor.”

“Oh, goodie! She told me about Tišina. And Fire Cloud.” Pinkie giggled. Everyone looked at her, suddenly alert.

“What? Fire Cloud needed to loosen up! But I really should go make him a Sorry-You-Got-Scared cake. Make it big enough so he can share it with all the guard ponies.” She grinned.

Matt laughed, long and hard, earning confused looks from both ponies and humans. Wiping his eyes and still chuckling Matt nodded to Pinkie.

“That’s a very good idea, Pinkie. Why don’t you do that? But let’s wait till after the raid.”

“Raid?” She asked in confusion. “What raid? We’re raiding the kitchen? Oh, goodie! Dibs on the chocolate-strawberry swirl cupcakes!”

“We’re raiding Tišina’s lair.” Matt said patiently.

“What? Why would we do that, Silly? She doesn’t have any cupcakes.” Pinkie said, perplexed.

“But she does have portals. Did Cerise tell you about those?”

“Ooooohhh. Yeah, the big old Meanie’s going to burn up Equestria like a batch of baked bads!” Pinkie said. “We can’t let her do that. Mr. and Mrs. Cake wouldn’t be able to make their cakes anymore! But wait a minute. She’s way down in the middle of her glacier, Matt. How are you going to get to her?”

“We had Doctor Whooves whip up a batch of really big tannerite bombs, like Berry Fudge Gumball uses.” Matt said. “Each one weighs about a hundred pounds.”

Pinkies eyes grew wide as saucers. “Oooooh. That would make a really big boom!” She crooned excitedly, a huge grin on her face.

Matt nodded. “Yeah. The trolls can tell us where the ice cave is, and we dig a hole down to it and then let the magic users go down and pop the portals she’s made. By that time she’ll have panicked and run away so it should be safe enough.”

“Now let’s go get some cupcakes.” He said. Pinkie Pie grinned.

Heart Of Ice

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In which we discover cowards can be quite dangerous and even the best laid plans may lead to disaster.

Teagan shivered as she stood on top of the glacier. Three-quarters of a mile away she could see a flag snapping in the brisk wind. The flag marked Tišina’s lair, buried hundreds of feet below. Exactly how deep no one was quite sure, not even the Alene. Several pockets existed in the ice and the compasses weren’t accurate enough at this range to pinpoint the depth.

Matt had merely sighed at the development and decided that since the ice caverns lay in a fairly tight cluster they’d simply bomb all of them. The shallowest cavern was 700 feet down, the deepest almost 1,300.

A female Horn named Dawn Spire stood next to Teagan. She was monitoring the portals for changes. Unfortunately the spell wasn’t terribly precise so they couldn’t use it for targeting the correct cavern.

Teagan watched the unarmored pegasus carrying the first bomb soar high above the target zone, a good thousand feet above the ice. He nosed over, falling fast. Something small separated from him, arrowing toward the ice even as the pegasus curved into level flight and sprinted toward them.

No one knew exactly what the blast of a hundred pounds of tannerite would do to the immediate surroundings, which is why the first bomb was dropped from so high and so far from the observers.

The tapered metal cylinder hit the ice a mere eight seconds after the pegasus released it, the pegasus still only a quarter mile from ground zero when the bomb went off.

The shockwave made Teagan stumble like a drunken sailor. Dawn Spire fared better, having four legs but the look on her face made Teagan burst into hysterical laughter. Around them the pegasi were startled into the air like sparrows fleeing a cat. The trolls swayed like trees as the blast passed by, but otherwise didn’t deign to notice the mini-quake.

The plume of steam and ice rocketed high into the sky, the wind catching and dispersing it rapidly. The blast wave had rocked the bomb-dropper but didn’t appear to have injured him. He stopped sprinting toward them and curved back toward the crater to observe the results.

He orbited the large hole for a minute or two then started flying back to them, descending as he came.

Matt strode to meet him as soon as his hooves touched the ice.

The pegasus saluted.

“Sir, mission successful! There’s a massive crater in the ice, at least twenty feet deep and thirty feet across.”

“Gotcha now, Tišina!” Matt said with a savage grin. “Very good, let’s get this show on the road. Load up the bombers. One minute separation, no more than three flights an hour for each pegasus. Remember, those bombs are dangerous. Let’s make sure everybody comes home from this one, Sergeant!”

“Sir, yes Sir!” The pegasus saluted again and trotted off, yelling orders.

The battle of the glacier had begun.

ooOoo

A hollow boom from above made Tišina whip up her head and stare at the ceiling. It had sounded like a cave in. Concerned she focused her vision into the cavern spaces above her. Finding nothing amiss she widened her gaze, until hints of magic made her focus.

Only to curse in fear as she saw what looked like a small army of ponies directly above her lair.

The pink pony’s jeering words came back to her. They’re coming for you, Tišina. They know where you are. No matter where you run they’ll find you.

Forcing herself to stay calm she watched a single pegasus soar directly above her lair and dive. A metal object fell away from the pegasus and the dragon watched the flying pony level off and start racing away for all it was worth.

When the object fell into the hole there was another boom and her cavern shivered the slightest bit. On the surface the hole erupted violently, and grew deeper.

She cursed as she realized what the sinners were attempting to do. They had a large stockpile of those pointed metal cylinders. She watched a line of pegasi waiting to have one of the canisters attached to them before taking off. Even as she watched another pegasus dived, and another metal cylinder fell into the hole.

Grimly she turned to her escape portal and added the layer necessary for it to open. She left her lair and emerged in a jumbled mass of ice not too far from the ponies. She took to the sky and flew stealthily across the ice, barely skimming it like some monstrous draconic sea gull.

They would pay for this outrage.

Mrazot ḱe se kandidira crveno so krvta, she snarled silently.

ooOoo

A unicorn teleported next to Matt. “Sir, Tišina is moving! And she’s close. The compasses on both legs of the baseline are visibly swinging! She’s coming toward us! That way!” She pointed directly east, into the early morning sun.

“Damn it!” Matt snarled as he realized how badly he’d miscalculated. Rather than running away the dragon was attacking.

“Pinkie!” He bellowed “Get ready, she’s coming right at us! Earth ponies and unicorns, under the tarps! Twilight, get ready to tip her! Rainbow Dash, we’re gonna need your Sonic Rain Bomb! Pegasi, scatter! Don’t let her catch us in a group! Remember that breath weapon! Bombers, up high! If you get a chance to blast her before she gets here, do it! Go, go, go!”

He grabbed his rifle, which was already loaded with a clip of AP rounds. The ponies scrambled to obey him, the earth ponies and unicorns slipping into the ditch the trolls had dug. It was covered with a white tarp to match the ice. He was glad he’d planned for the unlikely event of Tišina attacking. Looked like she wasn’t as big a coward as he’d hoped…

Beware the Hun in the Sun, he thought grimly, squinting even with his polarized sunglasses. The unicorn messenger teleported out and he dropped to the ice, covering himself with a white tarp, leaving only his head and rifle exposed. Grimly he waited.

Suddenly there was a boom as a bomb exploded in the distance. Using the sound to help orient him he aimed his scope downrange, thankfully somewhat out of line with the early morning sun.

“Thirty seconds!” The unicorn gasped as she teleported back.

“Acknowledged. Get under cover. The fewer of us out here the better!” Matt said, spotting his target at last. She was skimming the ground, barely ten feet between her tucked up legs and the ice, so low her wingtips almost slapped the ice on each down stroke.

She was coming hard, not bothering to evade. Another bomb exploded behind her. The shockwave made her bounce hard against the ice. She absorbed the blow with her legs and literally leaped off the ice without slowing at all.

Matt centered his crosshairs between her eyes and exhaled slowly.

He fired.

By the time the bullet struck home she was close enough for Twilight to use her magic. Unexpectedly the dragon banked violently, almost ninety degrees, her lower wing smashing into the ice and shattering before she could recover from Twilight’s unexpected pull. The massive beast crashed and started tumbling out of control, still travelling at sixty miles an hour.

Had she been a mortal dragon the crash would have torn her wings off, snapped her neck and probably smashed every one of her ribs. But she wasn’t mortal, she was a goddess. Matt watched her slide to a stop, just in time for a rainbow colored mushroom cloud to erupt around her as Rainbow Dash flashed by. The shockwave lifted him off the ice.

Between the crash and the multi-colored blast she was stunned. She moved slowly, raising her head. That gave him an opportunity to throw the rifle to his shoulder and put a bullet into her eye. Since she was only fifty feet away it was an easy shot. He felt satisfaction as she screamed in pain, sounding just like Godzilla. It seemed at least one of the shots had done some brain damage too, her left hind leg was completely limp and the wing on that side trailed like a leather cape. The other wing was a crumpled mess from its impact with the ice.

She wasn’t going to be flying off any time soon.

Tišina lurched to her feet and roared, nearly deafening him. A hissing noise was the only warning he got as Pinkie fired. He threw himself flat and covered his ears as two pounds of tannerite detonated only fifty feet away from him.

The shockwave picked him up and threw him tumbling across the ice. When he came to rest he wasted no time scrambling after the rifle which was still skittering away. Everything was eerily silent. He prayed Pinkie’s shot hadn’t deafened him for life.

After an eternity of seconds he retrieved the rifle. Spinning he crouched, ready to fire if the dragon had come after him, but it wasn’t necessary. She was down. Her neck was stretched full length on the ice and her skull was a smoking ruin.

Pinkie had gone for a headshot.

Too relieved the dragon was dead to consider the implications of that he ran toward the corpse, rifle at the ready in case this was some kind of ruse. He doubted it, but this was a magical land and Discord had pulled a similar trick on Teelo.

Such a trick didn’t fit what he knew of Tišina’s personality but making assumptions was a great way to get killed. Matt hadn’t survived 20 years in Spec Ops by taking chances. That’s why the muzzle of his rifle never strayed from the corpse.

When he got close enough to Tišina to see the actual damage he relaxed. Not even a being as tough as she was could survive two pounds of tannerite in the face. The blast had removed the top of her head. All that remained was a green slimy cavity where her brain should have been. Everything above the line of her muzzle was simply gone. Matt slung his rifle.

Teagan came running toward him, only to skid to a stop when she saw the remains of Tišina’s head. With a horrified expression she turned, fell to her knees, and was violently sick.

Pinkie came trotting over, Berry Fudge Gumball already back in her saddlebags.

“Guess she lost her head from all the excitement.” Pinkie laughed, her long straight mane hiding one eye. She pulled out a large rusty spoon and flung it into the remains of Tišina’s skull.

“Bon-appétit, Tišina.”

“Cerise?” Matt asked, one hand sliding toward his knife, keenly aware Cerise weighed four hundred pounds...

“Yeah, it’s me. Don’t worry, I’m not staying. Just had to finish the job. As soon as I get Pinkie away from this garbage I’ll settle down for a long winter’s nap.” The pink pony said. “Too bad Pinkie didn’t get to turn this overgrown creepy-crawly to stone like she wanted, but hey, into every life a little rain must fall, right?” She turned to go, and paused.

“Glad I met you, soldier boy. First one I ever met around here that had a spine. When they ask tell them I killed Tišina, not Pinkie, ok? And tell them I’m going on a nice long vacation. I may not even bother to come back. This place gives me diabetes anyway.”

She streaked off, her hair fluffing even as she ran.

“Bye Cerise. Don’t bother to write.” Matt murmured and watched members of the Sun Shield start to return. He moved away from the corpse and signaled them to form on him.

Teagan recovered enough to join him, her face pale and drawn.

“You ok, Squirt?” He asked.

“No. I’ve never seen anyone killed before. Did you do that?” She asked, wiping her mouth with her glove.

“Nope. Cerise.” He said shortly.

“Cerise? Does that mean—?”

“Dunno. She said she might not bother to come back.”

“Please, God!” Teagan said fervently.

They met several hundred yards from the corpse, none of the ponies daring to look at the remains. The Alene and Snøskred weren’t so squeamish. In fact, the Snøskred had a big grin on his face.

“Victory!” He bellowed with good cheer. Not even Sun Hammer returned his grin, shaken by the reality of what lay behind them.

“Not yet.” Matt said grimly. “We still have to find that portal array and destroy it. No need to leave such a tempting toy lying about. Then we’ve got to destroy the bomb cache, and do something about Tišina.”

“What do you suggest?” The Alene asked. “Even using my magic it would take several days to bury her in the ice. A blizzard is moving in, Lieutenant. We have hours, not days.”

Matt stared at the troll. “And you were going to tell me this, when? You said we had at least a week of good weather!”

“Tišina must have summoned the storm.” The Alene shrugged. “She is not called the Mistress of Cold without reason.”

“All right. New plan. I want half the Sun Shield in the air headed east. Scour the path she came in on. She had to have used a portal and if we’re lucky she left it open so she’d have a line of retreat. It had to be big enough to let her pass, so it’s bound to be easy to spot. Once you find it come back and get the rest of us. Alene, Snøskred, we’re going to need your expertise with caverns and glaciers when we find the portal.”

Bevis nodded.

“Sergeant, you have your orders. That storm won’t wait.”

“Yes, Sir!” The pegasus trotted toward his ponies.

“Where’s Dawn Spire?” He called to the assembled ponies. A small commotion announced her location and she made her way toward him.

“Once we find the array how long will it take you to destroy it?” He asked mildly.

“The portal spell takes about six minutes to cast.” Dawn Spire said. “One spell per portal.”

“We don’t have that kind of time.” Matt said, shaking his head. “Cerise said there were at least fifty portals.”

“I can’t change the laws of magic, Lieutenant.” The rose-colored unicorn said crossly. “Nor can I cast that spell more than a few times a day. It gives me a raging migraine to cast it once.”

“Terrific. What else can disrupt a portal?” Matt asked with forced calm.

“Well, magically speaking they’re extremely fragile.” She said, considering. “But most magic passes right through it as though the portal didn’t exist. Only insect magic like Tišina used can disrupt it.”

“Subtle Dancer managed it.” Matt pointed out. “What did he do?”

“Nearly gave himself a hernia.” Dawn Spire said drily. “He sent out a massive burst of power. I’m not as strong as he is, Lieutenant.”

“But I’m stronger.” Twilight said excitedly. “Much stronger.”

“Stronger than the Chief Horn?” Dawn Spire asked incredulously. “He’s an initiate of the thirty-eighth circle! I know you’re Princess Celestia’s personal student but—”

“I may only be eleventh circle.” Twilight interrupted her. “But I’m strong enough to lift an Ursa Minor while casting two other spells!”

Dawn Spire blinked. “Whoa. Ok, so you shouldn’t have any trouble disrupting one portal. Maybe two or three. How about fifty?”

Twilight hesitated, remembering the awful day the Princess had freed the residents of Rockton.

“I don’t know.” She admitted.

“Is there anything else that could disrupt a portal?” Matt asked. “Anything at all? What about physical force? Can we use the bombs?”

“No.” Dawn Spire shook her head. “Tišina was going to use them to channel the energy of the Sun, Lieutenant. They’re totally impervious to physical force.”

“Um, how did Tišina close the portals?” Fluttershy asked nervously. She split her attention between Dawn Spire and the sky. The other pegasi were starting to steal glances upward as well.

Dawn Spire blinked. “Um, good question. I don’t know. I dismiss my little portal by peeling the final dimensional layer, but—”

“Why can’t you do that to a big portal?” Matt asked reasonably.

“If I were strong enough I could.” Dawn Spire said. “Even though I’m a twenty-third circle mage I don’t have the kind of power it would take.”

“But I do.” Twilight said in satisfaction. “Can you teach me to do it?”

“No.” Dawn Spire shook her head. “You’re only eleventh circle. You’d have to be at least eighteenth before you could feel the layers properly.”

“What about Wind Spear’s Succor?” Twilight asked. “I could give you my power.”

“Oh no!” Dawn Spire shook her head emphatically. “If I tried to take enough power to pop fifty portals, assuming you could give up that much, it would make me explode.”

“Explode?” Twilight’s eyes widened.

“Literally.” Dawn Spire said grimly. “I’m fairly powerful as mages go, Twilight Sparkle, but I don’t have anything like your capacity. Only one of the princesses could safely hold that much power. Since you can only cast Succor once a day it wouldn’t help me that much if I only took enough power to stay within my limits.”

“Um, guys?” Rainbow Dash broke in nervously, glancing uneasily at the sky. “We need to hurry this along.”

“What’s wrong?” Matt asked sharply, looking at the sky but seeing nothing but a beautiful blue expanse without any clouds.

“That storm the troll was talking about? It’s getting bigger.”

“What do you mean it’s getting bigger? There isn’t a cloud in the sky.” Matt said with a creased brow.

“You’d have to be a pegasus to feel it.” Rainbow Dash explained. “But I’ve never felt a storm like this one before. We’ve got maybe six hours before it hits. And when it hits I don’t want to be anywhere near this glacier.”

“I thought pegasi had weather magic?” Teagan asked, confused. “Can’t you just kick the clouds and break it up in ten seconds flat?”

“Ha!” Rainbow Dash flashed a grin. “Stealing my line there, Teelo!” Then she turned serious. “If this were a normal storm, sure, no problem. But this thing isn’t normal, it’s huge. Beyond huge. There’s enough snow coming to bury this glacier ten feet deep. The hail’s no picnic either.”

“Hail?” Teagan asked.

“Yeah, hailstones bigger than a chicken’s egg. Get hit with one of those and you’re gonna feel it! If we’re not gone before that storm hits, we won’t be leaving. Ever.”

“How do you know all this, Rainbow?” Matt asked.

“Um, call me Dash, Matt. Rainbow is just so girly.” Rainbow Dash said uncomfortably. “Anyway, every pegasus has weather magic. Lets us walk on clouds and break them up and stuff.”

“Including the ability to predict the weather?” Matt asked.

“Yeah. So when I say the mother of all storms is headed this way you better believe it! Even Fluttershy can feel it, and she’s not exactly a top-flight weather worker.”

“It does feel pretty scary.” Fluttershy mumbled.

“Sir, pegasi incoming!” Sergeant Stormwind called from the air. He’d been hovering, watching for his returning guards.

“They must have found her portal.” Matt said. “Alene, if you and the Snøskred would come with us? Dawn Spire, the Bearers, and Teagan you’re with me. Sergeant! I want a wing of the Sun Shield to fly cover. Everyone else, pack up! Make sure you don’t leave anything behind you aren’t willing to lose. I want the bulk of the expedition ready to leave within the hour. Dismissed!”

Turning to Teagan he grinned.

“Let’s go take a look at Tišina’s lair, Squirt.”

Horseshoe Nail

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In which an important detail is overlooked.

Teagan had to break into a run to keep up with Matt as he jogged toward the returning pegasi. The other members of the party didn’t have a problem keeping up—they either had four legs, wings, or much longer legs than Teagan did.

On seeing the group advancing toward them the returning pegasi angled down to land.

“Found the portal, Sergeant!” A white pegasus with white mane and an elaborate golden cup for a cutie mark reported as he saluted Sergeant Stormwind.

“Very good, Percy. Show us the way.” The Sergeant commanded.

“Yes, Sergeant.” Percy stayed on the ground but the rest of the guards joined those flying cover.

The pegasus led the group another mile to a pile of jumbled ice that rose a hundred feet above the rest of the glacier. The portal itself looked like a cave entrance, except it was round and quite large, over two stories tall by Teagan’s estimate. The portal was twenty feet up with no obvious way to get there.

“Hmm.” Matt said, eyeing the slippery cliff of ice. “Anybody got a rope?”

“Who needs a rope when you have wings?” Rainbow Dash snorted as she flew up to the opening and looked inside.

“Hey, it’s just a cave! Pretty big, but empty. There’s something glimmering at the back though.” She called down.

“The rest of us don’t got wings, Dashie!” Applejack called up in annoyance. “How in tarnation are we supposed to get up there?”

“Jeez! How do you think? I’ll carry you!”

“Think you can carry me, Rainbow Mouth?” The Snøskred’s booming laugh echoed off the cliff in front of them.

“Uh—” Rainbow Dash eyed the half-ton troll in dismay. He laughed again and strode to the base of the cliff. Without even pausing he sank massive claws into the ice and scrambled up it like a spider.

“Ten seconds flat!” The troll laughed at the hovering pegasus, who scowled.

“Hey! Why is everybody stealing my line?” Grumbling she flew down and landed.

Dawn Spire and Twilight teleported to the cave, while Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie were lifted by pairs of the Sun Shield. Teagan got to ride Rainbow Dash while Matt got a lift from a pair of the Sun Shield pegasi.

The Alene ascended the cliff just as easily as the Snøskred had.

“Empty, just like Rainbow Dash said.” Rarity said in disappointment. “Where are the portals?”

“Right there.” Dawn Spire said, pointing to the opposite end of the cavern with her horn. “Sixty two of them.”

“Tišina’s been busy.” Matt noted calmly. “Dawn Spire, take a look and see if the actual portals have a flaw you couldn’t find with your miniature one. She was in a hurry making them, maybe we’ll get lucky.”

“Yes, Lieutenant. Twilight, why don’t you come with me? Never hurts to have a second opinion.”

The two of them trotted off while Matt turned to the trolls.

“Any chance we’re not really under a thousand feet of ice?” He asked hopefully.

The Alene shook his head. “I can feel the weight of the ice above us. The portal has brought us into the very heart of the glacier.”

“Lieutenant!” Dawn Spire came galloping back with Twilight hard on her heels. “We’ve got to get out of here now. The portals are degrading! They’ll start closing in less than an hour!”

“What? How?” Matt asked even as he turned for the exit.

“I don’t know! Something is destabilizing them. It’s getting worse! Out! Now!” She disappeared with a flash.

“You heard the lady! Abandon ship! Now!” Matt scrambled to the edge of the cave and signaled the circling pegasi. Two swooped and grabbed him. Twilight grabbed Rarity and the two unicorns disappeared. Pinkie and Applejack were also picked up and set on the ice by more Sun Shield guards. The trolls quickly climbed down.

“Hop on, Teagan. Time to blow this icicle!” Rainbow Dash said as Fluttershy flew out. Teagan wasted no time and the two of them flew out of the cave—and suddenly plunged toward the ice below. Rainbow landed hard, stumbling, throwing Teagan over her head accidentally.

“Ow! Rainbow!”

“What the hay? I can’t fly!” Rainbow said, startled, her wings flapping furiously. Around them the few pegasi still in the air plummeted as well. Twilight managed to grab three of them and Dawn Spire the other three. But a few feet above the ice the spells failed and the ponies hit the ice hard.

“Is everybody out?” Matt asked, looking around. “All right, I don’t know what’s going on but let’s put some distance between us and the cave. Quickly, people!” He started running back toward the base camp.

A two mile run was beyond the abilities of both Teagan and the trolls, so after only a quarter mile they had to stop. Matt turned and started watching the cavern through binoculars.

“Why can’t I fly?” Rainbow Dash asked as she flapped her wings so fast they blurred. She didn’t even start to lift off the ground. Her tone was a mixture of annoyance and near panic.

“Maybe whatever is affecting the portals is affecting all magic.” Twilight said. “That would explain why my magic isn’t working.

She demonstrated by trying to light her horn, which flickered for a second then failed.

“Hmm. If the pegasi can’t fly that means no chariots either.” Matt said, musing. “And that means we’re stuck here.”

“What! No! The storm! We’re gonna die!” Rainbow Dash said frantically.

“Calm down, Dashie.” Applejack said reassuringly. “We’ll think o’ sumthin’.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said?” Rainbow asked angrily. “I wasn’t kidding about ten feet of snow and hailstones the size of eggs! It’ll bury us!”

“Then we’ll dig our way out.” The Snøskred said calmly. “Do ponies always panic this easily? I thought the Bearers were supposed to be brave. Imagine being afraid of a little snow!” He shook his head.

“A little snow? A little snow?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed angrily. “We’re talking a ton of snow! Mountains of it!”

“Calm down, Dash.” Matt said soothingly. “Not being able to fly out of here is a problem, but if we work together we can make it.”

“How big is the anti-magic area?” Teagan asked. “Could we hike out then fly off?”

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash said excitedly. “Whatever’s cancelling the magic can’t be that big! I like Teagan’s plan!”

“Might work.” Matt allowed. “How long till the storm hits?”

“Uh, I can’t tell.” Rainbow said, her face falling. “My weather magic’s gone too.”

“It was six hours.” Fluttershy replied. “Unless it speeds up.”

“The pegasus is correct, Lieutenant.” The Alene spoke up. “Before the magic failed the storm was about six hours off. I didn’t sense it getting faster, only more powerful.”

“Ok. Let’s get back to the chariots. The supplies they’re carrying are our lifeline right now. Does anyone here have a magic compass?”

“I do.” Dawn Spire replied, using a hoof to dig the small device out of her saddlebags. Matt took it from her, marveling how her hoof was so dexterous. He made a note to ask her how she did it.

“Look at that.” He said in satisfaction. The needle pointed steadily back to their camp and Tišina’s corpse. “Whatever is affecting the magic doesn’t affect this. Any idea why?”

“It was created with Tišina’s blood. Maybe insect magic is immune to whatever’s affecting the portals and our magic?” Twilight said.

“The compasses use a standard contagion-law binding spell.” Dawn Spire objected. “It shouldn’t work either.”

“Unless Tišina’s blood counteracts the effect.” Twilight said. She brought her horn close to the compass and the very tip started to glow gently.

“That’s it! Somehow Tišina’s blood is immune to the effect.” Twilight said excitedly.

“The important thing is the compass works.” Matt said in satisfaction. He hung it over Rainbow Dash’s neck by the lanyard nearly all small pony devices came with.

“I know you’re a lot faster than the average pony, Dash.” Matt said. “Head out of here and see if you can find the boundary of this magic-dead zone. You have half an hour. If you haven’t found the edge of the zone by that time I want you to come back. Remember, you’re a Bearer. Without you the Elements of Harmony are useless.”

“You can count on me!” Rainbow Dash said, saluting.

“I’ll go too!” Pinkie said excitedly. “I’m super-fast, Matt! I can keep up with her! Always use the buddy system!”

“Good idea.” Matt nodded. “Get going, you two. Remember, half an hour. I want you back here long before the storm hits.”

“We’re on it!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. The two ponies raced away over the ice, headed south.

“We need to find shelter. I’ve lived in mountainous terrain before but my snow experience is limited.” Matt said, looking at the trolls. “Snøskred, Alene, you’re the glacier experts. What do you suggest?”

“A snow cave.” The Snøskred said firmly. “In the lee of this ice jumble. The storm was headed east when the magic failed, so we’ll have to assume the eastern slope of the jumble is the lee. Dalen and I can dig out the jumble. If the pegasus was right about the depth we’ll make sure to carve a tunnel upward so it’s easy to dig out later.”

“I’ve got a shovel, Teagan and I can alternate helping you.” Matt offered.

The Alene smiled and the Snøskred doubled over, laughing.

“We will need no aid, Lieutenant.” The Alene said gently. “Trolls have no equal when it comes to digging. While I appreciate your offer to help you would only slow us down.”

“All right then. What can we do to help?” Matt asked, unruffled.

“Gather snow in whatever containers we have.” The Alene said immediately. “Let us take advantage of nature’s bounty by melting snow before we consume the water we brought with us. Since building fires is out of the question we will have to do with whatever cold supplies we have. The storm will not arrive for a few hours so any preparations that require a large space should be done now.”

“How long do blizzards last?” Teagan asked.

“Normal ones blow over in a few hours, Lady Teagan.” The Alene said even as the Snøskred was headed back to the jumble to find a good place to site the snow cave. “However this one is far from normal. It could last for days, especially if Rainbow Dash’s predictions are accurate. If you’ll excuse me I should help Bevis.” He bowed and followed the other troll.

“Glad they’re on our side.” Matt said. “We’d be in a world of hurt if it was just the two of us digging, Squirt. I don’t think the ponies could help that much.”

“I could if my magic was working.” Twilight grumbled.

Matt grinned.

“If your magic was working we wouldn’t need to dig. Sergeant!”

“Sir!” The grey pegasus said.

“Have a few of the guard go tell the rest of the expedition what’s happening. Tell them to join us at the foot of the ice jumble. Hopefully they’ll be packed up by now.”

“Yes, sir.” The sergeant saluted. Soon a trio of pegasi were headed back to camp.

“Well I’m feelin’ all kinds o’ useless.” Applejack said as they waited for the rest of the group. “Earth ponies ain’t supposed ta be on top o’ no overgrowed ice cube.”

“Join the club, Applejack.” Teagan said ruefully. “I didn’t realize how dependent I’d become on magic here. Magic—club—oh no!”

Hey, Lazy! You still here? She thought to the eyes in her head. They remained closed. Crush! Can you hear me? Answer me!

No response.

“Crush is out of commission.” Teagan said to Matt. “The link’s still there but nobody’s home.”

“Why am I not surprised?” He sighed. “Well, it’s still a lumpy iron club, Squirt. Hit something hard enough and you’re bound to discourage it.”

“That makes me feel so much safer.” She said drily.

It took an hour to bring the chariots over and unload the supplies. By now the trolls had hollowed out a large enough space to hold the members of the expedition and had started a second snow cave to protect the chariots in case the magic came back.

“Has anyone seen Pinkie and Rainbow Dash?” Matt asked. “They should have been back by now.”

“If I know that pony, she’s probably pushing her luck.” Rarity sniffed, although she looked worried. “Rainbow Dash is so reckless.”

“Well, Pinkie Pie is with her.” Matt said. “She can talk sense into Dash, right?”

He looked around seeing a sea of disbelieving looks.

“Matt, this is Pinkie we’re talking about.” Teagan said when none of the other ponies seemed willing to say anything to contradict the expedition commander.

“She’s a ditz.” Teagan said as Matt’s eyebrows rose in inquiry.

“Hate ta say it, but can’t deny it.” Applejack said in the silence that followed. “Dashie is loyal and brave, but that filly don’t know when ta quit. And askin’ Pinkie ta be the voice o’ reason just ain’t no kind o’ sensible.”

“Bloody hell.” Matt swore. “We lose them and we lose the Elements.” He checked his watch. “Five hours. All right. If they aren’t back in half an hour we’ll try a chain search. We’ll string a line of ponies straight along their course so that one pony can always see the one behind. But we search for only two hours. Then we pull back and they’re on their own.”

“What! You can’t do that!” Rarity exclaimed.

“I can and I will.” Matt said grimly, staring at her. “Rainbow Dash disobeyed a direct order. If they aren’t back and we don’t find them I save as many of the expedition as I can, Rarity. This storm sounds like it’s some kind of magical mega-nasty. If anyone is out there when it hits they’re dead. And there’s no guarantee we’d ever find the two of them anyway. This glacier is huge. Which of these nice ponies are you willing to kill for the sake of your friends, Rarity? How many?”

“None!” She declared hotly.

“Glad you agree with me.” Matt said, turning away and leaving her sputtering.

“Rarity, he’s right.” Teagan said, feeling like she wanted to cry. “We’ll try to find them. But if anyone is caught in this storm because Rainbow Dash pulled one of her bone-headed moves they’ll die. If it were you out there, and you deliberately did something that endangered the rest of your friends, what would you tell Matt to do?”

“I—” Rarity hung her head. “I don’t want Rainbow Dash to die, Teelo! She’s hot-headed and sometimes she does stupid things. But we can’t just abandon her! And what about Pinkie?”

“I know.” She hugged the unicorn. “I’ll be in that search line too, Rarity. Don’t give up hope just yet, ok? Maybe Rainbow Dash isn’t as head-strong as we think she is.”

“Let’s hope you’re right.” Rarity said heavily. “How can he think that way, Teelo? Just abandon Rainbow Dash like that?”

“Humans don’t have a lot going for them physically, Rarity. We’re not fast, or strong, and we can’t fight very well compared to the animals around us.” Teagan explained. It was a hard lesson she’d learned from Matt.

“Sometimes, especially when someone does something stupid that endangers everyone else, well, they have to pay the price. It’s not easy, and it’s not nice. But if we sent out search parties for them and those search parties got lost in the storm, then they’d die along with Rainbow and Pinkie. It’s one thing to take risks, Rarity. It’s another to take risks for someone who deliberately broke the rules that keep everyone safe.”

“But don’t give up hope. They might still come back.” Teagan said, hugging the white unicorn again.

ooOoo

Matt was about to order the search when a sentry reported pair of ponies coming in fast, one blue and one pink.

Pinkie was hopping along, grinning and Rainbow Dash was looking grim as they raced into camp. They made straight for the clump of people waiting for them.

“No good.” Rainbow Dash told Matt, sides heaving. “We pushed it an extra fifteen minutes. Had to go around a big crevasse too. The only magic that even thought about working was the compass. We covered about twenty-five miles and didn’t even reach the edge of the glacier. Whatever this is, it’s big.”

“I said half an hour, Rainbow Dash.” Matt said mildly.

“I know. But I kept thinking it couldn’t be that big. So I kept going. I only ran an extra fifteen minutes, Matt.”

“You and I need to have a private talk, Dash.” Matt said quietly. He turned his attention to the pink earth pony. “Anything you’d like to add, Pinkie?”

“Nope.” Pinkie said, grinning. “We ran and we ran and we ran and Rainbow Dash would jump in the air every so often. But she couldn’t fly. Sorry.”

“I don’t suppose your saddle bags still work?” Matt asked.

“Dunno. Let’s see!” Pinkie shrugged them off and buried herself in them up to her hips.

“They’re okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie reported. “Everything’s working just fine!”

“What?” Twilight asked, startled. She concentrated for a moment.

“My magic’s still not working.” She said. Rainbow Dash tried to fly and slumped.

“Mine neither.” She said glumly.

Teagan tried to talk to Crush, with equal lack of success. She shook her head

Matt looked thoughtful.

“Alene, is your magic working?” He asked.

The troll concentrated, then shook his head.

“Alas, it is not, Lieutenant.” The troll said. “Being bereft of my magic is most unsettling.”

“Tell me about it.” The blue pegasus snorted.

“I’m not seeing a pattern here.” Matt said, shaking his head. “We know Tišina’s magic is insectile, so maybe that explains the compass somehow. But Pinkie’s saddlebags are normal pony magic, right? Pinkie, where did you get those?”

“Discord gave them to me.” Pinkie said brightly.

The silence was profound.

“What?” She asked, confused, staring at the shocked faces around her.

“Ok.” Matt said, nodding. “So stuff created by or associated with gods is immune to the magic draining effect around here. Is it just a matter of power? Twilight, Dawn Spire, Alene? You guys are the magical experts. Any ideas? Why did this start only after Tišina died?”

The three looked at each other.

“Troll lore is silent on what happens when a god is killed, Lieutenant. To my knowledge no one has ever managed to kill one before.” The Alene said regretfully. “If I were to speculate I would say it is no coincidence the magical negation started after she died.”

“I’ve never read anything about magical negation.” Twilight said, shaking her head. “Especially on this scale.”

“Wait a minute!” Dawn Spire said excitedly. “Twilight, check your reserves. How full are they?”

Twilight considered for a moment. “They’re empty.” She said, eyes widening. “It reminds me of how I felt after casting Wind Spear’s Succor.”

“Mine too.” Dawn Spire said in satisfaction. “Alene? How about you?”

“My reserves are gone.” He admitted. “Very astute guess, Dawn Spire. My compliments on your insight.”

“Thank you.” She seemed pleased.

“What?” Twilight asked, confused.

“We’ve been thinking about this the wrong way.” Dawn Spire explained. “We’ve been saying this is a magical dead zone. It isn’t! It’s a magical draining zone. Something is sucking up all our magic as quickly as we can replenish it.”

“Then why didn’t it affect the compass or Pinkie’s saddlebags?” Matt asked. “And what’s doing the draining? Where’s all that magic going?”

All three magic-users’ eyes widened at the same time.

“Horse apples.” Dawn Spire said. “We are dead. We are so dead.”

“What?” Matt snapped.

“The source of the magical drain is Tišina, Lieutenant.” The Alene said heavily.

“She’s dead, Alene.” Matt said carefully. “Her brain was vaporized. It’s gone. I saw the remains of her skull myself.”

“Yes, I know.” He said calmly. “But Tišina is very much like her brother, Discord. She regenerates, Lieutenant.”

Snowbound

View Online

In which the Alene tells a story and a pegasus fails her mission.

Matt took Sun Hammer and the Snøskred back to check Tišina’s corpse. He wanted to see if the magic users had guessed right.

“Oh, that’s not good.” Matt said as he looked over the grisly remains of Tišina’s skull. There was a definite mass of tissue in the skull he knew hadn’t been there before. Some of the gaps in the bone looked smoother as well.

“At this rate she’ll be back to her old nasty self in a day, maybe less.” He said to the others.

The Snøskred growled. “Is there no way to finish this beast?” His eyes fell on the stockpile a quarter mile away. “What about the bombs?”

“I like the way you think, Snøskred.” Matt said grinning. “We have more than a hundred bombs left. That’s over nine thousand pounds of tannerite. We can move the bombs next to the body and then set them off from back at the ice jumble. It may not stop her regenerating but it should buy us some time. Maybe enough to get through the storm and make our way out of the magic-sucking zone on foot afterward.”

“The three of us cannot move them in time, Lieutenant.” The Snøskred said, shaking his head.

“True enough. Sun Hammer, gallop back to the jumble and get three pairs of earth ponies to bring chariots. No need to have more people here than we have to. Three teams ought to be enough to make it in three trips.”

“Aye. Dae remember thon storm will nae wait fer ye.” Sun Hammer said. “And A can pull ma ain chariot too, tis bigger than the rest, ye ken. T’will haul mair at a time.”

“Didn’t your sergeant tell you never to volunteer, Sun Hammer?” Matt asked, chuckling. “Go to it—and glad to have you.”

The oversized pony nodded and galloped back toward the ice jumble while the Snøskred and Matt headed for the stockpile.

The job took most of the four hours they had to spare. The final arrangement saw the bombs stacked three high to provide the largest target. Matt wanted to be as far from the blast as he could possibly be, which with the rifle, scope, and loads he was using was about two miles, but the chances of hitting even a target the size of the bombs was minimal. The closer he got, the more accurate he would be, but the more likely to get blown up along with Tišina.

He finally decided on a mile and a half. The Snøskred dug a small trench for him to fire from. It wasn’t much protection but it would have to do.

He kept the armor-piercing rounds, since their pointed shape gave them better range than the round-nosed softer bullets. Either would set off the bombs if they managed to hit them. He grinned. Nine thousand pounds of tannerite was likely to make a really big bang. Big enough to vaporize Tišina’s regenerating corpse.

I hope. He thought to himself. Storm clouds were already massing on the horizon when he settled into the trench and dialed the scope as high as it would go.

Doing the range calculations in his head was second nature, but this kind of shot was tricky. Fortunately the wind had died down, the clichéd calm before the storm. His first two shots missed as he zeroed in the range.

The third shot didn’t.

He saw the flash and glimpsed the pressure wave flashing toward him. Dropping his rifle beside him he ducked face-down in the trench and covered his ears, counting to himself. On six the sound hammered him like a fist, nearly lifting him out of the trench. The blast wave tore at his clothes. When the world quieted he put his arms over his head and tried to dig himself even deeper into the bottom of the trench.

A series of loud thumps announced the shrapnel landing all around him, along with some hisses as the red hot metal turned the snow to steam. The world turned dark as the smoke-cloud covered the sun.

When the light returned he picked up the rifle and peered downrange through the scope. The entire area was still smothered in an opaque cloud, so Matt patiently waited for it to clear. When it did he let out a low whistle.

“Note to self. There is such a thing as overkill.” He murmured, rising to his feet and surveying the crater that had been their campsite. It was too deep to see the bottom from where he stood, but the really important detail was Tišina’s missing corpse...

Feeling a faint gust of wind from the approaching storm he slung his rifle and started jogging back to the snow cave.

ooOoo

The storm was howling full-force outside their shelter, every so often one of the trolls would travel down the tunnel to check on conditions. After an hour nearly four feet of snow had fallen. The trolls and humans were tasked with keeping the ventilation holes cleared by wiggling rods stuck through the holes. The rods had been scavenged from the chariots.

Only a few small candles lit the large snow cave, leaving much of it in shadow. The candles and the body heat from the expedition members had raised the temperature a little. It was cold, but bearable.

“I have never seen such a blizzard.” The Snøskred remarked as he returned from a trip to the entrance. “If the snow continues at this rate we’ll be lucky if the ventilation shafts aren’t covered by morning. We may have to dig another tunnel.”

“I told you!” Rainbow Dash said bitterly. “Ten feet, I said! Now we’re gonna turn into popsicles!”

“Ooh, I wanna be strawberry!” Pinkie exclaimed happily. The blue pegasus gave her friend an incredulous glare.

“In fact,” the Alene said diplomatically, “I believe Rainbow Dash may have severely underestimated the snowfall. Given what I observed and my knowledge of storms I’d say the actual snowfall may be closer to thirty feet.” The Snøskred considered his friend’s words and nodded thoughtfully.

“Oh that’s just great.” Rainbow Dash moaned. “We’re never getting out of here.”

“Would you bury your snout, you sniveling feiging?” The Snøskred snarled. “We have shelter, food, and water. The storm will be done by morning and we’ll dig our way out. There is no danger!”

“Easy for you to say.” Rainbow Dash grumbled.

“Dashie, I reckon the Snøskred knows what he’s talkin’ about.” Applejack said comfortingly. “If’n he says there ain’t no danger, then I fer one believe him.”

“Rainbow Dash is a creature of the sky, Bevis.” The Alene said calmly from where he sat on a blanket. “It is understandable she would be—uneasy—in a confined space such as a snow cave. Let her be. I have no doubt you yourself would be just as ill at ease among the clouds.”

He shifted to make himself more comfortable. “It promises to be a long night. Would anyone care to hear a story?”

“Yes! Me! I do, I do!” Pinkie said, hopping up and down, her puffy forelock brushing the roof of the snow cave at the top of each jump.

“Very well, my energetic friend.” The Alene said with a smile. “Sit down and I shall tell you the tale of Rolig Fottrinn, the first troll ever to bear the title Alene.”

Pinkie plopped down on her rump with a smile, watching the Alene with wide innocent eyes. The rest of the expedition quieted, glad to have a distraction. Even Rainbow Dash perked up a little.

“Rolig Fottrinn was very small for a troll,” the Alene began, “Even smaller than I am. It was said he weighed no more than a half grown youngling. In those days this was a grave matter, for the world was far crueler then. Size and strength meant life. Smallness meant weakness, and death. One such as Rolig was viewed as a drain on the clan, and barely tolerated.”

“As his fellow trolls would not abide his company he began to explore the passages his larger brethren disdained. And so he spent his days learning the secrets of the Deep Dark, a place where most trolls have sense enough not to tread.”

“Rolig, you see, though lacking size and strength was both clever and prudent. He learned easily and never forgot anything. This gift served him well, and saved his life on many occasions where a stronger but less clever troll might have met their end.”

“One day tiny Rolig found a passage nearly too narrow, even for him. But Rolig would not have survived had he been the type to easily give up in the face of adversity, and so he greased his body with fat from cave lemmings. Now let me say this, be they ever so hungry, no ordinary troll would consider eating a cave lemming. Their flesh is rank and the reek of their rendered fat is such that the strongest troll must run away from it or go mad.”

“But Rolig, who was scrawny and thus always last to claim scraps no other troll wanted, had acquired a taste for cave lemming and hunted the stupid beasts. He alone of all the trolls before him discovered the nearly miraculous properties of lemming fat. First, the stench was so great that no predator of the World Below dared stand before him and always fled. This kept him safe from death by claw or fang in the Deep Dark.”

“But the fat had a second use. Anything coated with it becomes incredibly slippery. So slippery in fact those impossibly narrow passages suddenly let Rolig pass with ease.”

The Alene smiled “His cleverness granted Rolig Fottrinn a great boon that day. For in the cavern beyond the narrow passage he found a stone drake.”

“Aren’t those just a legend?” Twilight asked with interest. “A wingless dragon?”

“Wingless indeed.” The Alene nodded. “But no legend. I myself have spoken with that very same drake, Twilight Sparkle. His name is Skifer, and he is perhaps the oldest living dragon in the world, certainly the oldest in the World Below.”

“Cool!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, her unease temporarily forgotten. The Alene smiled at the pegasus and continued.

“Now in those days Skifer had not dealt with trolls before, for his caverns lay on the other side of a thrust of rock they call the Vegg. The Vegg is vast, you see, and nearly impossible to dig through. So only clever Rolig found a way through the Vegg into Skifer’s realm. No one else was foolish enough to travel as far into the Deep Dark as Rolig had done, and none was small enough to fit through the passage he found.”

“So Rolig, out of all the trolls in his clan, was the first to lay eyes on the vast caverns of Skifer the stone drake. At first Rolig had no idea that Skifer was there, for stone drakes are covered with lumpy rock-like skin and can change their color to match their surroundings.”

“But Skifer knew Rolig was there even though Rolig was cautious by habit, for the stench of the lemming fat was pungent indeed. In fact it woke the drake out of a sound sleep.”

“As everyone knows rousing a dragon from its slumber is the height of foolishness. Things might have gone very badly for Rolig indeed because of it.”

Rainbow Dash winced as her friends gave her significant looks.

“But the gods had blessed Rolig with luck as well as cleverness. You see, Skifer was not terribly hungry at the moment. He was ancient even in those days, and so was less impulsive than most dragons. He observed Rolig with some interest, never having seen such a creature before. But what really spared Rolig from the drake’s belly was how the troll acted.”

“Unaware of the death lurking behind him Rolig did what he always did upon discovering a new cavern. He stood absolutely still and observed. Now it is common knowledge that trolls have dark sight. It lets us see without light, a useful ability indeed in the many places lys-mose does not grow. But the stone drake’s cavern was rich with lys-mose so Rolig had no need to rely on his dark sight.”

“What’s lys-mose?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“It is a type of lichen that glows with a soft green light.” The Alene replied. “It grows wild in the Deep Dark and is cultivated by most races in the World Below, including trolls.”

“Discovering an interesting dryppsteinene formation he moved to study it. This intrigued Skifer. The drake had never seen a creature that was interested in cave formations before. In the drake’s experience animals ignored the scenery, only interested in food, avoiding predators, and finding mates. Skifer knew the hanging stones held none of these, for if they had the stone drake would have devoured them long since. Thus the drake had no idea what Rolig was doing.”

“In those days trolls had no written language, all knowledge was handed down verbally. We did not in fact understand one could record knowledge except by memorizing it. So Rolig was used to remembering everything he saw, a skill he was particularly gifted in. But such memorization takes time, and so Rolig stood in thought for several minutes as he studied the dryppsteinene.”

“Skifer was beginning to suspect Rolig was no mere animal and, like all ancient dragons, knew magic. He cast a translation spell and began to speak to Rolig. This is the conversation as it was related by Rolig to his first student, who passed the tale down to his student, and so on, until the day trolls discovered the art of writing and recorded the tale for all time.”

ooOoo

“What are you doing?” Skifer asked in a low thunderous rumble.

“Who speaks?” Rolig asked in some alarm, searching the cavern and finding it apparently empty.

“I am Skifer, and this is my home. What are you doing, strange creature?”

“I am studying the stones that hang from the ceiling.” Rolig answered, still searching for any sign of his interrogator.

“Why?” Skifer asked, obviously confused.

“Why not?” Rolig answered. “I have never seen hanging stones of this shape and color before. By remembering them I will know them if I see them again. And then I will know where I am should I ever be lost.”

“A good answer.” Skifer admitted. “Who are you and why have you come here, creature?”

“My name is Rolig, of Clan Fottrinn. I came here because I was curious to see what lay beyond the narrow passage. Where are you?”

“I am here.” Skifer replied, allowing himself to contrast against the cave wall. Rolig froze when he realized just how big Skifer was.

“I am sorry if I intruded, great Skifer.” Rolig said. “I will go now and leave you in peace. My apologies for disturbing your rest.”

He started backing toward the passage, hoping against hope he could escape without being eaten.

“Do you think to escape me, little morsel?” Skifer asked, chuckling as he moved his tail to cover the opening.

Rolig realized his only hope of escape lay in clever words. He was no stranger to talking his way out of trouble. Most of the clan did not like him, and were quick to express their displeasure physically. He’d gained a silver tongue after years of painful beatings.

“Perish the thought!” He said quickly. “However I’m sure a magnificent creature such as you would find me a most disagreeable mouthful, great Skifer! I would hate to be the cause of your distress.”

“What do you mean?” Skifer asked, his curiosity aroused.

“I am not a healthy troll, great Skifer! I am scrawny and ill-fed and have little meat on my bones. Worse, I feed largely on cave lemmings. This makes my flesh toxic to other creatures. I suspect a massive creature such as you would not die from eating me. But you would certainly grow quite ill. A superb creature such as you should never suffer such an indignity! It would be a crime against nature. My spirit could not rest if I were to be the cause of such calamity!”

“Rest assured you will not make me ill.” The stone drake replied. “Stone drakes do not suffer distress from anything we eat. But I thank you for your concern. I must say I have never had my meal consider my well-being before. It is quite—novel.”

“Does not my stench offend your nostrils, great Skifer?” Rolig inquired slyly. “Other creatures find my odor so offensive they run away.”

“What do you mean?” Skifer sniffed deeply. “You smell of cave lemming, and something else I have never smelled before. But what of it?”

“The odor doesn’t bother you?” Rolig asked, masking his unease.

“No. Why would a smell bother me?” The drake was genuinely confused. Like most dragons he was a loner by nature and thus seldom had conversations with others. However, in none of those rare conversations could he ever remember the subject of odors arising.

“Bad smells warn of poisonous or spoiled food, marvelous drake! It is nature’s way to warn creatures that food is not fit to eat.”

“Is this so?” The drake blinked, considering the matter. “Perhaps that is why I am not bothered then. For nothing I have ever consumed has caused me misery, little morsel. Thus it would seem I need not worry about you.”

“Are you then a cannibal, Skifer? Consuming your own kind without remorse?” Rolig asked innocently.

“Do you claim to be a stone drake then?” Skifer asked in amusement. “I think not, little morsel.”

“I am not a stone drake.” Rolig admitted easily. “But I am none the less the same kind as you, for I can speak and think and ponder secrets of the Deep Dark. How then am I different from you, Skifer? Do you not think and speak and ponder secrets?”

“And what secrets do you ponder, Rolig of Clan Fottrinn?” Skifer asked, clearly unimpressed. “Where your next meal is coming from? My own meals do this as well, and they are larger than you and do not put up such a fuss.”

“I ponder where I was before I was born, great Skifer. How is it that my body is so much smaller than other trolls? Why was I not given massive strength like the rest of my clan? Why is it I am bothered by these questions when they are not? How is it that I discovered the secret of rendering cave lemming fat when none of my forebears ever did? What are the lights in the sky above the uppermost level of rock in our caverns? Why have I spent my life learning about other creatures, even the ones that pose no threat to me and can’t be hunted for food?”

“Why does lys-mose glow? Why is it green? Are there other colors of lys-mose? Or perhaps other plants that make light? Why does the World Below stop, why does it not continue upward and downward forever? Or are there hidden ways that lead downward deeper into the Deep Dark?”

He paused for breath, unable to tell if his words, borne from the frustration of years, were having any effect on the stone drake or not.

“You interest me.” The stone drake finally rumbled. “You are a strange creature, Rolig Fottrinn. Perhaps I will not eat you after all. The questions you ponder never occurred to me to ask and I find myself wondering why that should be so.”

“I don't know, is it possible the powerful do not have a need to do this?” Rolig responded. “I have no strength and my clan despises me for it. But I know more than they do about the Deep Dark. I venture there alone and have always made it back home. How then can I be weak, Skifer? You are more powerful than my entire clan, can you solve this riddle? I have sought the answer from the beginning, yet have no spoor to follow.”

“I will gift you this knowledge, Rolig of Clan Fottrinn.” Skifer said after several minutes of thought. “Answers are elusive things, and never easily caught. Those who seek must be patient and cunning. Stone drakes know many secrets. Sometimes we trade for them with other dragons. It is not unheard of for a younger drake to seek out an elder bearing tribute in trade for knowledge of magic, or some other matter.”

“What is magic, great Skifer?” Rolig asked, intrigued.

ooOoo

The pegasus cruised northward, snapping her gigantic wings every few seconds to maintain her astonishing speed. Below her she could see the curve of the world, and reveled in the clear cold air and the warm dry spot on her nose. Up here she could relax.

She was a hundred miles from target when she got the first indication something was amiss. The warm spot started heating up and rapidly became painful. The pegasus let herself slow but the heat kept increasing, so she did something she ordinarily never would, she lightly cupped her wings to bleed off speed as rapidly as she dared. By the time the burning went away she was well below a third her of her normal cruising speed and she’d started to lose altitude with alarming rapidity.

No closer than eighty miles to target she was nearly falling from the sky so she began one of her long slow turns. But in this case it was a descending curve that brought her down toward the tops of huge clouds. By the time she managed to reverse course she was a scant hundred feet above the thick black clouds.

I don’t like the look of those at all! She thought to herself as she desperately tried to accelerate and climb away from the ominous boiling cloud tops. But even her best efforts merely slowed her descent. Fifteen nerve-racking minutes later, with her hooves less than five feet above the clouds whatever evil force that was trying to bring her down finally lost its grip. Nearly exhausted the mare felt herself start to lift away from the cloud tops. She was crying in relief as she finally regained the safety of cruise altitude. Shuddering she started the forty-five minute flight back to Canterlot, her mission an utter failure, the camera harnessed against her belly lacking even a single picture.

ooOoo

“She nearly died bringing us this information, Your Highness.” Subtle Dancer said grimly. “She started having trouble flying a hundred miles from Tišina’s lair, which is exactly the same place our scrying spells failed. She nearly fell into the blizzard.”

“Losing her would have been a tragedy my friend.” Celestia shook her head. “There is no other pegasus like her in all of Equestria. See to it no more reconnaissance flights are made within a hundred and fifty miles of Tišina’s lair. We can’t afford to lose any Land Survey Group members. Even aside from the heartbreak of losing one of my little ponies, the rarity of their skills makes them irreplaceable.” She paused.

“Speaking of which, Compass Rose is extremely angry with you. She stormed into my private study and read me the riot act.” She chuckled at his appalled look and nodded with mock solemnity.

“She was not the least apologetic either. She said, and I quote. ‘If that idiotic unicorn ever endangers one of my team again I will personally tear his horn out by the roots and then kick him so hard he will never be able to father a child. Tell him that’s a promise.’ If I were you I think I’d steer clear of Compass Rose for a while.”

“For the next several years, from the sound of it.” Subtle Dancer said ruefully. “I’ll have to see if I can’t find something to soothe her ruffled feathers. Perhaps some kind of new enchanted equipment.”

“Tread lightly.” Celestia said with a smile playing around the corners of her mouth. “Any mare angry enough to beard me in my den is a mare to be reckoned with.”

Subtle Dancer sighed. “I seem to have a gift for angering mares lately, Your Highness. Dawn Spire is none too pleased with me either.”

“Oh? What did you do to her?”

“Threatened to have you give her a medal.” He said. “And then sent her on the expedition to Tišina’s lair.”

Celestia blinked.

“Isn’t she rather—analytical—to be doing field work?” Celestia asked after a moment.

“Unfortunately, it was either her or me, because the portal popper she came up with is exceptionally difficult to cast.”

“And I needed you here.” Celestia nodded. “Hopefully Matthew will keep her and the rest of the expedition safe.”

“Hmm.” Subtle Dancer said noncommittally.

“You don’t believe he’s capable?” Celestia asked, surprised.

“No, it’s not that. If anyone can succeed it would be him.” There was just the slightest hint of distaste in the Chief Horn’s tone.

“You don’t like him?” Celestia asked shrewdly.

“He is a killer, Your Highness. He freely admits taking many lives. He did it for a living! At least Sun Hammer only did it once—to save the world.”

“And me.” Celestia replied dryly.

“You are the life of the world, Your Highness. Saving you is saving the world.”

“You do know I have taken lives myself, Subtle Dancer? To protect my little ponies I very nearly took Tišina’s life. I did take Nightmare’s. How then am I any less guilty than Matthew or Sun Hammer?”

“Your Highness!” The unicorn stepped back, clearly shocked.

“Matthew’s heart is not that of a murderer, Chief Horn. His calm demeanor hides a heart in turmoil. I do not believe he would take a life unnecessarily, nor without regret. I would prefer to turn Tišina to stone for all eternity rather than kill her. But we may not have that luxury. I will not rein in Matthew when he may be the key to Equestria’s survival.”

“I bow to your superior wisdom, Your Highness.” The black unicorn dipped his horn. “But this sudden storm and the failure of magic in the area bodes ill. We are helpless because of it.”

She sighed.

“I know. But that is all the more reason to trust the Lieutenant.”

“Let us hope he deserves that trust, Your Highness.” Subtle Dancer said somberly.

Shank's Mare

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In which we learn walking can be good for the soul as well as the body—so long as one watches that first step.

“And so it was that an unlikely partnership was formed.” The Alene concluded his story. “Skifer found Rolig to be the ideal student, quick, observant, endlessly curious and willing to devote himself to his studies with a discipline that astonished the stone drake. Dragons, you see, are impulsive creatures and find prolonged study of anything severely challenging.”

“For his part Rolig reveled in the knowledge Skifer imparted. His tuition was to act as Skifer’s scout and generally find ways to be useful to the stone drake. In return Skifer declined to eat him, and let him come and go freely, blocking only his passage back home. In this way did Skifer learn the goings on in the lands that lay at the foot of the range of mountains where he laired.”

“Thus passed a dozen years. Clan Fottrinn assumed that Rolig had met his end somewhere in the Deep Dark and his passing was not mourned, save by his mother—and she mourned only in secret.”

“During those years Rolig grew strong in magic. On more than one occasion his mastery of the Hidden Path served Skifer well. Finally there came a day when Skifer told Rolig he had nothing more to teach the troll and unblocked the passage through the Vegg so Rolig might return to the clan.”

“When the clan leader asked him how he had returned from the dead Rolig simply answered ‘I walked alone’. In our language this is Jeg gikk alene. And thus he became known as Alene Rolig. In the fullness of time, when more small clever trolls were born, Alene Rolig took them under his protection, taught them the secrets he held, and then brought them to Skifer to be trained in magic. Their tuition, like Rolig’s, was to serve Skifer while they learned. When they returned to the clan they too took the title Alene.”

“Rolig’s return and his eventual winning of an honored place in Clan Fottrinn is another tale, my friends. But this was the tale of how Alene Rolig gained his title. I have said this.” He bowed his head ritually.

The snow cave filled with the rhythmic stamping of pony hooves as his audience applauded the story. Matt and Teagan clapped enthusiastically.

The story had taken a couple of hours to tell, so Twilight suggested they all try to get some sleep. The four humanoids set up shifts to keep the ventilation holes clear, using Matt’s watch to know the time. The trolls were fascinated by the device, an analog chronometer which used actual hands instead of a digital display. This made using it much easier to explain to the trolls than a digital watch would have been.

ooOoo

The storm lasted three days and dumped a little over forty feet of snow on the glacier, burying the base of the ice jumble and forcing the trolls to dig multiple ventilation shafts as old ones were buried. Rainbow Dash only panicked twice the following day. By the second day she had become numb and by the third she slowly recovered.

The candles and the food had to be severely rationed. Only two candles were allowed to burn at a time, leaving the snow cave mostly in darkness. Everyone was on half-rations. Pinkie did not take the rationing well but Twilight finally convinced her to accept it.

Even so the situation was grim. The expedition had cached two weeks of food with the assumption that further supplies would be flown in regularly. Because they now had to proceed on foot across the glacier, in unknown snow conditions, without the carrying capacity of the chariots food was a severe problem. Matt estimated under those conditions they’d be lucky to cover ten miles a day.

But he hadn’t counted on the sheer depth of the snow. The phrase deep powder didn’t even begin to cover it. As the Alene found out the hard way…

ooOoo

The Alene broke out of the ice jumble, the tunnel entrance a mere two inches above the surface of the snow. He smiled in quiet pleasure at this testament to his digging skill. After widening the tunnel so it was large enough for the ponies he stepped out onto the virgin snow.

And immediately sank out of sight.

After perhaps 30 seconds the troll clambered up the side of the ice jumble and crawled into the tunnel, shivering. Upon regaining his composure he strode back down the tunnel to deliver the bad news.

ooOoo

“Chief!” A purple unicorn with a blue mane and tail breathlessly burst into Subtle Dancer’s office, grinning.

“What is it Bluebell?” He asked, raising an eyebrow the intrusion.

“The scrying barrier is retreating!” Bluebell said excitedly. “I got within 60 miles of Tišina’s lair this time!”

“Thank Celestia!” Subtle Dancer got up and followed the mare to the scrying chamber. She sat down at a crystal ball and started casting the complicated Horn version of the scrying spell. Unlike the ordinary spell the Horn version had all kinds of additional capabilities, such as the ability to move the scrying focus.

“Here’s where the original barrier was. 100 miles from her lair.” Bluebell said as she established the initial focus point. “Notice the range indicator, Chief.”

“I see it.”

“Flying now. Range to lair 95 miles, 90, 85…” As the countdown approached 60 the Chief Horn held his breath.

“…65, 63, 61, and here we are at 60.” Bluebell said with excitement. “This is where I finally lost the image just before coming to get you. Should I keep going?”

“Yes. Let’s see how far the barrier’s retreated.” Subtle Dancer said, not wanting to show his eagerness.

“Continuing flight, crossing 55.” The count continued to decrease until it hit 17.3 miles when the picture in the ball suddenly started to develop large sparkles.

“Losing it.” Bluebell said. The image snapped out.

“Lost it completely at 16.6 miles.” Bluebell said. “That’s what, a retreat of over 40 miles in five minutes? I’d guess the barrier’s failing. It’s shutting down.”

“Looks that way.” Subtle Dancer said. “Reestablish the link. Start at 20 miles out and let’s see if the barrier’s going to stabilize or vanish.”

“Yes, sir.” It took less than a minute for a picture to form in the crystal. “Ok, focus is established, starting to fly. Moving in, we’re at 16, here’s 10, 5, 3, 1, and here’s the magic goose egg! What the hay?” Bluebell and the Chief Horn stared in disbelief at the image in the crystal.

“Go up. Give me a bird’s eye view.” The Chief said quietly.

“Right. Sweet Celestia, what happened to the camp?” Bluebell wondered aloud. “Hovering two hundred feet up. Rotating view.

The image in the crystal slowly panned as the focus point circled, centered on the massive hole that seemed to be all that remained of the expedition.

“I’m not seeing anything.” Bluebell said quietly. “You think those bombs did this?”

“I don’t know, Bluebell. The idea was to dig a hole down to her lair, but that hole looks awfully big to be ponymade.”

“I’m still not seeing any trace of the campsite. I could understand moving it, given the size of the hole, but where are they?”

“What’s the diameter of that hole? And how deep is it?” Subtle Dancer asked.

“Um, let’s see. Holy horse-feathers! It’s 450 feet across!”

“How deep?”

“Checking.” Bluebell said as the focus sank into the massive crater. “Um, passing 500 feet, 1,000 feet, 1,500 feet…wow, we’re below the ice! What happened? Two thousand, 2,500, there. Bottom at 2,738 feet. We’re a thousand feet below bedrock. There’s no way those bombs did this. Even if they set them all off at once it couldn’t dig a hole anywhere near this big, Chief. Something else must have happened. Could they have triggered some kind of—yaaaahhh!”

Both ponies flailed away from the crystal in terror. They pressed against the walls as far from the crystal ball as the room would allow. The ghastly image winked out as Bluebell’s concentration shattered.

“Sweet Celestia! What the hay was that thing?” Bluebell demanded as she pressed herself further into the corner. “If it can climb we’re dead!”

“Calm yourself, Bluebell.” Subtle Dancer forced himself to breath slowly. “Whatever it was it’s over fifteen hundred miles from here and almost three thousand feet below the surface. We’re safe.”

“Yeah, until that abomination crawls into my nightmares!” Bluebell retorted, but her panic was fading.

“Tell me you recorded that.” Subtle Dancer moved back to the crystal ball.

“Yeah. Glad you’re as rattled as me, Chief! You know all scrying records automatically. It can’t be turned off.”

Subtle Dancer chuckled nervously. “Guilty as charged, Bluebell. I must admit seeing that—image—was unsettling.”

“Personally I’d say horrifying if I felt like understatement, Chief. Nauseating, disgusting, and scream inducing.” Bluebell shuddered. “I’m skipping lunch and supper.”

“Did you get a scale?” The Chief Horn asked, already calming down. He carefully refused to think about what the crystal had shown before being cut off.

Hesitantly the mare approached the equipment. Taking a deep breath she let her horn glow to activate the system. “Yeah. The frame was twenty feet across given the range of the—creature. Best estimate, the eye was eight feet across, the eye stalk another twelve. The tentacle in the background was the full length of the frame, and each mouth on it was six feet across. Best estimate of the number of teeth, just over two hundred per mouth.”

She recited the statistics the system had automatically compiled in a flat, tight, voice.

“I need you to reestablish the focus point, Bluebell.” Subtle Dancer said quietly.

“Chief! You can’t be serious!” Bluebell looked at him, appalled.

“We are the Horn of Celestia, Bluebell. Her will and her eyes. We are Equestria’s first line of defense.” Subtle Dancer’s voice was hard. “Remember your oath. We see things in the dark so other ponies need not. We face the fearsome so others may live. I need that focus reestablished. Now.”

“Yes, Chief.” Bluebell took another deep breath and ran through the complex spell again. “Focus established, crater rim.” She closed her eyes for a moment, steeling herself. “Rotating straight down into the crater. Flying now. Depth 200, 400, 800, 1200, 1380 feet, we’ve reached the bedrock.”

“Down—slowly. Let’s see if we can get an overall view of the creature.” Subtle Dancer said calmly. His tone made Bluebell relax slightly.

“Yes, sir. Flying—depth now 1500, 1600, 1700—there it is! Oh sweet Celestia! Look at the size of it!”

“Estimates?” Subtle Dancer asked calmly.

“Running now. Width, approximately 400 feet. Length—Chief we’re only seeing part of this thing! Length 450 feet, extending back into the rock for an unknown distance. Height is two hundred feet at the closest point, tentacle length estimated at three hundred feet, assuming tentacles are non-elastic.”

As they watched the creature swelled like a balloon, jelly like flesh pouring out of one end, new tentacles and eyes forming. The creature was now visibly piled up on the crater wall.

“How many eyes?” The Chief Horn asked his crystal viewer.

“Seventy three on eye stalks and another two hundred in the main body of the creature. Tentacle count is over a thousand. That swelling added another hundred feet in length, Chief.”

“All right. We know enough for now. Shut it down Bluebell.”

“Thank Celestia!” The image snapped off.

The chief found a spare recording crystal and slotted it. Bluebell dutifully copied the old crystal to the new one. The Chief Horn pulled it and used his magic to hover the crystal in front of him.

“I have to go report to the Princess.” He said. “Take a break, then see if you can find any trace of the expedition.”

“Yes, Chief.” When she was sure Subtle Dancer was gone she bolted for the restroom and promptly lost the remains of her breakfast. It was a good half hour before she could force herself to return to her station and begin hunting for the expedition.

ooOoo

In the pit Tišina rested after pulling herself free of the hidden cavern. She hated this form, a reminder of what she had been so long ago. Before she had tamed the chaos in her soul. Before she had forged her beautiful new body. Before her brother had mockingly created that sick twisted version of her own perfect form to use as his body.

But this form would prove useful against that pretentious horse. The one who had dared hurt her—repeatedly. She was ugly now, that was true. But she was at her full power. Nothing in this world could defeat her now that she wore her true form.

They would pay for their crimes, all of them would pay. Tišina didn’t care how long it took. She had eternity to scour this world clean. She’d find and eat every creature, tree, and dandelion in this magical hell until there was nothing left but pristine rock and snow. And then, well, then she’d douse that damnable sun. When she was finished the world would be pure again. Like it had been in the beginning.

But first she was going to find the posturing one-horned goat and tear her slowly limb from limb and listen to the screams. Then she was going to take great pleasure in gnawing Celestia’s bones one by one…

ooOoo

“You mean we’re stuck here? How much longer?” Rainbow Dash whimpered.

“Until the snow compacts enough to walk on.” The Alene responded calmly. “Perhaps a week.”

“Gah! Another week stuck in this cave? I’ll go insane!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, collapsing in a despondent heap. “Not to mention Tišina’s pulling herself together while we sit here and do nothing. We’re gonna be toast if we don’t get out of here.”

“And how do you propose we do that?” Matt asked calmly. “It’s not like you can flap your wings and soar over the snow, Dash. The snow’s too loose to support the weight of a troll or a pony. It probably wouldn’t even support the Squirt, and she’s the lightest one here.”

“AAARRRRGGGGGG!” Rainbow Dash jumped to her hooves and in a display of temper started flapping her wings. To everyone’s amazement she slammed against the cave roof (now several feet higher from melting) and nearly knocked herself unconscious. She landed in a sprawl.

“She flew! Dashie flew!” Pinkie laughed. “You can’t fly in a little cave like this, Silly! You OK?”

Just then the cave lit up.

Everyone turned to stare at Twilight, whose horn was glowing brightly.

“The magic’s back!” She said, grinning. “We’ll be able to fly out of here now!”

“Anybody get the name of that dragon?” Rainbow Dash muttered as she climbed shakily to her feet. “Gonna give it a piece of my mind as soon as the world stops spinning around...”

She shook her head vigorously to clear it.

“Wait, fly? Did you say fly? We can fly now? Let me out of here!” She bolted for the exit.

“If the magic is back doesn’t that mean Tišina’s back too?” Teagan asked, gripping Crush’s handle.

Hey, wake up! Fighting time!

The eyes in her head sprang open.

Where? The club growled. The handle of the magical club tingled under her grip.

Don’t know. Close. She’s sneaky and she’s fast and she can fly so stay alert. She looks like a big white dragon.

I will watch. The club promised.

“Crush is back.” She said happily. “He’ll keep an eye out for Tišina.”

“Good. Sergeant, get with the two trolls. Let’s see if we can get a tunnel from the chariot cave to the new entrance. The sooner we’re ready to leave the better our chances.” Matt ordered the gray pegasus.

“Yes, sir!” The sergeant saluted and he and the two trolls headed down to the original cave the trolls had dug, now some twenty feet below. The chariot cave was ten feet beneath that.

“I need a volunteer, Squirt. You’re it.” Matt said. “You Royal Guard ponies, listen up. I need another volunteer. I know you guys are gonna hate me for asking, but I want a volunteer to take Teelo on a scouting mission. The snow won’t support anyone so she’ll have to ride one of you. Crush can keep an eye out for our favorite bad guy while the two of you find out what’s going on out there. If Tišina jumps you sprint for home. Teelo and Crush can keep her busy while the three of you are running. Oh, and if you see a certain rainbow-maned maniac tell her to bring it back to the barn. We don’t need her revealing our position.”

“So!” He clapped his hands, grinning. “Who feels like stretching their wings?” The pegasi glanced at each other with blank faces. Teelo cringed inside.

These weren’t horses after all, they were people. She’d ridden Applejack into battle, and Celestia herself had let her sit on her back when she’d sliced her feet open, but as far as she knew only Twilight Sparkle regularly allowed herself to be ridden—and that by Spike who, species aside, was more her little brother than anything else.

Matt asking a near-stranger to let her ride was beyond rude…

“I’ll do it.” A white pegasus with white mane and tail stepped forward. His cutie mark was a fancy gold cup. He’d been the one who led them to the portal.

“Percival, isn’t it?” Matt asked. The white pegasus nodded.

“Call me Percy, everypony does.” He said.

“Percy, thank you for doing this.” Teagan said, bowing. “I’m honored.”

“Lady Teagan.” The pegasus did a full bow with leg sweep and spread wings. “I saw you defeat the fearsome draconequus, it was truly inspiring! It is my privilege and honor to fight beside the hero that defeated Discord!”

Teagan blushed, not knowing how to deal with the white pony’s obvious sincerity.

“All right you two, listen up. No heroics today, got it? This is a scouting mission. If you spot Tišina do not engage her. If she attacks, run. Remember, none of us can walk in this snow, meaning you’ll only get covering fire while you’re on the east side of the jumble. So don’t be brave, be sneaky. Got it? We don’t know where she’s hiding.”

“Won’t the compasses tell us where she is?” Dawn Spire asked. Matt blinked at her.

“Damn, I must be getting old.” He said. “Ok, let’s break them out and see.”

They had five compasses with them. The needles of all of them wandered erratically.

“Are they broken?” Rarity asked.

“No, the contagion spell is still working.” Dawn Spire responded. “But there’s nothing to lock onto.”

“Meaning what?” Matt asked, frowning.

“Meaning Tišina no longer exists.” Dawn Spire said triumphantly, her face lighting up with a smile. “She’s gone! We won!”

Pony cheering and stamping made the cave ring with echoes. Matt let them blow off a little steam then motioned for quiet.

“You really think it’s that easy?” He asked Dawn Spire.

“The compass is working, Lieutenant.” Dawn Spire protested. “If it can’t lock on to her that means she no longer exists.”

“Can the compass spell be blocked by something? Maybe some kind of counter-spell?” Matt asked. “Sorry if that’s a dumb question. I’m not familiar with magic.”

“No, it’s not a dumb question. There are certain ways it could be blocked, but…” Dawn Spire trailed off as she began thinking.

“Matt, it’s really hard to block a contagion spell.” Twilight spoke up. “Physical barriers wouldn’t do it. You have to block it mystically. To do that you need a magical barrier, probably a spell. There are types of stone that could block it, but they’re very rare. You’d never find enough in one place to hide a dragon.”

“What if she created a shelter for herself?” Matt said. “This was her lair.”

Both Dawn Spire and Twilight Sparkle shook their heads.

“She’d have to be expecting that kind of tracking.” Dawn Spire said. “The only reason we thought of it was Evelyn’s suggestion. It’s unlikely she’d have gone to the effort. Twilight’s right, the kind of stone you need is very rare and expensive. Getting enough to make a chamber big enough to hide a dragon—well, the chances of that are pretty much zero. A spell is more likely, but again she has no idea how we’re tracking her.”

Matt nodded slowly.

“Okay. Let me explain why I’m having trouble with this, ladies. I did see nine thousand pounds of tannerite explode right next to her.” Matt said, watching the two unicorns. “What I did not see was Tišina’s body disintegrate. Mind you I did watch her get up after a seven hundred foot fall onto solid rock. I did see her shrug off half a dozen elephant rounds, and I did see her absorb three salvos from Berry Fudge Gumball. I would like to remind you after all that the only thing she lost was a wing.”

“Oh yes, and then I saw her teleport away from an explosion that left a hundred foot crater in solid rock. Forgive me if I’m a little skeptical she’s actually down for the count. Especially since I also saw her very dead body rebuilding itself using magic she stole from us.”

Dawn Spire grimaced. “You’re as bad as Subtle Dancer, Lieutenant. Just when I thought it was time to celebrate.”

“Sorry. It’s my job to be a professional party-pooper.” Matt said, unperturbed. “Tišina’s tough, resourceful, and full of surprises. No way is she gone. Licking her wounds I would buy. That might give us a small window to withdraw but it’s a small window. Teelo, you and Percy get going. Remember what I said about sneaky. I want the two of you back in one piece with Tišina none the wiser, got it?”

“Yes, Matt.” Teelo said. Percy saluted and then the two made their way toward the entrance to begin their scouting mission.

ooOoo

“Did the expedition open another entrance to Tarterus?” Celestia wondered as she watched the colossal horror writhe obscenely in the crystal.

“It’s possible.” Subtle Dancer admitted reluctantly. “But I can’t imagine them being able to create a hole that size, Your Highness. It’s nearly five hundred feet wide and half a mile deep. Even assuming the Alene used a spell to enhance the digging the amount of magic needed for that pit boggles the mind. You might be able to do it, but no one else could.”

“I couldn’t do it either.” The princess demurred. “It’s enormous. Do you think that creature ate Tišina?”

“We should be so lucky.” Subtle Dancer snorted. “No doubt she’s recovered by now and is lying low to regroup.”

Princess Celestia sighed. “You’re probably right. Is there any chance the creature can escape the pit? If it did I’m not sure even the Elements of Harmony could stop it.”

“I can’t say, Your Highness. The way our luck’s been running I wouldn’t count on it staying put.” Subtle Dancer said sourly. “The only good news is that thing is fifteen hundred miles from here and half a mile underground.”

“Why does that not comfort me, Chief Horn?” Celestia asked, gazing at the image frozen in the crystal.

ooOoo

“You ok back there?” Percy asked as they skimmed the snow, the pegasus’s hooves less than five feet from the ground.

“Fine.” Teagan called. “Don’t worry, I won’t fall off. I learned to ride when I was a little girl. It’s not something you forget.”

“You have pegasi in your world, Lady Teagan?” He asked, surprised.

“No.” She laughed. “Just horses—but in my world horses are animals, not people. That’s why I really hate to impose on you like this, Percy. I don’t want you to think I’m taking you for granted. Thank you for being so understanding.”

“Thank you, Lady Teagan. The thought is appreciated.”

“My friends call me Teelo, Percy. You don’t have to be so formal.”

“I’m a Royal Guard, Lady Teagan.” He said after a moment. “It would be disrespectful to show familiarity.”

“Horse apples!” She exclaimed in exasperation. “If Tišina shows up it’s gonna get informal pretty darn fast! Besides, you volunteered, Percy. You didn’t have to do that. The only people who get to call me Teelo are those I like and respect. So please, call me Teelo.”

“All right—Teelo.” He said slowly. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. So tell me, how do we do this? I’ve never been on a scouting mission before.” Teagan asked as they flew toward the pit.

In spite of himself Percy started chuckling.

ooOoo

Bluebell spotted Rainbow Dash looping and pirouetting through the sky. She let out a sigh of relief as she watched the acrobatic pegasus zoom through a series of intricate and wonderful maneuvers as though she were putting on a show.

The pegasus was flying to the west of a large jumble of ice and snow that reared above the rest of the flat glacier like a lonely mountain. Given that Bluebell had seen neither hide nor hair of the expedition she assumed they had taken shelter in the mound of broken ice blocks. It was the only possible shelter for miles.

She found the tunnel entrance on the east side of the jumble and followed it in, where she found Matt and most of the expedition members. Not for the first time she found herself wishing scrying spells allowed the caster to hear what was being said.

The trolls were missing, as was Lady Teagan and the sergeant in charge of the wing. She did a quick head count and found another pegasus was missing as well. She wondered if they had been lost during the blizzard.

The Bearers at least were all present, save for the Bearer of Loyalty, who was flying outside. Bluebell relaxed a bit, that meant the Elements of Harmony could still be used.

There seemed no immediate danger and the members of the expedition were discussing something. No one showed any signs of alarm which Bluebell took as a good sign. She still wished she could signal one of the unicorns but there was no way to send a spell through the scrying point, and she doubted any of them could sense it because it was designed to be unnoticeable.

Knowing Subtle Dancer would want a full report she poked around the cave until she found a tunnel leading to another cave, which was empty except for another tunnel. That one had light flickering in it.

Following the light brought her to the trolls and the missing sergeant who, it seemed, were trying to free the expedition chariots. Clearly the expedition was preparing to leave.

That just left Lady Teagan and the pegasus guard unaccounted for.

ooOoo

“No way!” Teagan exclaimed as she got her first look at the pit. “I don’t care how many bombs there were, they couldn’t have done this!”

Percy flew over the lip of the pit and she felt her stomach clench as she peered into the black depths.

“We didn’t do this. There’s no way in hell we did this!” Teagan said. “Percy, you ever see anything like this before?”

“No, never.” The pegasus reached the other side of the pit and started flying around the edge. “You don’t think blowing up all the bombs at once did this?”

“I know it didn’t.” Teagan said firmly. “The Alene said there were a few caves way down deep but this…” She shook her head. “Look at it. The pit’s walls are straight up and down. A bomb crater is like a bowl. If bombs did this the hole should be a lot wider. This looks like something bored its way straight down. You can see the pit walls are shiny, like ice.”

“You’re right.” To her horror Percy casually flew down into the pit a few feet and tapped the wall with a fore-hoof. The sound was unmistakable—his hoof was definitely hitting ice.

“Wonder how deep it goes?” He mused, peering down.

“Um, Percy? How about we don’t hover over a bottomless pit, ok?” Teelo asked, grabbing his mane with both hands and digging in with her knees.

“Ouch! Watch the mane please!” Percy protested, but thankfully flew back over the glacier. Teelo relaxed with a shudder.

“What’s the matter Lad—I mean Teelo?” He asked, looking back over his shoulder at her.

“I’m a little scared of heights.” She admitted.

“Scared of heights?” He asked incredulously.

“Yeah. I don’t have wings, remember? A 20 foot fall would kill me. Even a 10 foot fall could mess me up really bad. That pit was a lot deeper than 20 feet!”

“Sorry, I didn’t realize.” The pegasus apologized.

“Not your fault. Let’s go see if we can find Rainbow Dash and get her back to the cave.”

“On it. Has Crush seen anything of Tišina?” He asked as he arrowed back to the ice jumble.

Have you seen her? Teelo asked the watchful eyes in her head.

No. We are alone in the air. The only other creature is at the bottom of the pit, but it isn’t a dragon.

“Wait, creature? What creature?” Teelo asked aloud, startled.

“Teelo?” Percy asked, turning his head.

In the pit. There is a creature. But it is not a dragon.

“Crush says there’s a creature at the bottom of the pit.” She told the pegasus. “But it isn’t a dragon.”

“What is it?” Percy asked.

What kind of creature? She asked Crush silently.

One I have never seen before. Enormous, with many tentacles and scores of eyes, some on stalks.

Teelo felt her blood run cold. She laid down along Percy’s back and put her arms around his neck.

“Get us back to the jumble now.” She said. The fear in her voice was enough to make the pegasus accelerate hard without asking questions. They shot across the snow field fast enough to leave a wake of snow billowing behind them.

How enormous, Crush? She asked silently.

As wide as the pit and longer than it was wide. Crush replied. It lies like a shapeless pool of flesh, heaped up on one side of the pit.

Do you see Rainbow Dash anywhere?

Yes, she is flying above the ice mound. You can see her above and to the right of us.

“Percy, heads up! There’s Rainbow Dash! Let’s get her and get back to the others! Quickly.”

“Is that creature coming after us?” He asked, climbing to intercept the blue pegasus.

“No. But I think I know what it is—and if I’m right this is a really bad place to be right now!”

“Hey, Teelo! How do you like flying?” Rainbow Dash shouted, diving toward them. Percy made a turn and the other pegasus took up station beside them.

“Dash, Matt says come back right now! Crush just spotted the mother of all monsters at the bottom of the pit. It’s huge! Way bigger than a dragon!”

“Say what?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed in disbelief. By now the entrance was right in front of them. Percy flared his wings and came to a perfect landing just inside. Teagan slipped off his back while Rainbow Dash hovered just outside.

“We’ve got to tell Matt! Hurry!”

Teelo sprinted down the snow tunnel with the two pegasi trotting behind her. She came into the snow cave, saw the crowd and tried to stop—with predictable results.

“Ow, ow, ow.” She complained as she pried her face out of the mane of a rather startled Royal Guard. “Sorry, sorry! Matt! We’ve got a big problem!”

ooOoo

Bluebell chuckled as she watched Lady Teagan go skidding across the snow cave and crash into a guard pegasus. Satisfied that all members of the expedition were now accounted for she shut down the scrying spell then got up and stretched. Sitting back down, she started writing her report. She had just gotten a good start on it when both Subtle Dancer and Princess Celestia walked into the room.

“Your Highness!” Rising she performed a hasty bow.

“Hello, Bluebell.” The Princess said in a serious voice. “I’m afraid I have to ask you to do something for me.”

“Of course! Oh, I found the expedition! All members accounted for, and it looks like everyone is fine.”

“That’s wonderful news.” The alicorn smiled at the pony, who basked in the glow. Then the alicorn sobered.

“I hate to ask you, Bluebell but I need you to show me the creature in the pit. I understand how difficult it is for you, but this is very important.”

“Actually, I think I’m getting used to it, Your Highness. Once you learn to ignore the teeth it’s really not that bad. I’ve been checking it every so often. It’s just sitting there, pulsing. It’s actually kind of cute. Well, in a stomach-turning kind of way. I think it’s the color—blood red.”

“Pulsing?” Subtle Dancer asked, raising an eyebrow. The Princess studiously ignored the colorful commentary.

“Yeah, it kind of swells then shrinks again. It hasn’t grown any more since that first surge. The tentacles aren’t moving much either. It almost looks asleep, except the eyes stay open and sort of idly look around.”

Bluebell fired up the scrying spell and was soon diving into the pit. She let the scrying point fall until it was only a few hundred feet above the monster.

“There it is.” She said unnecessarily. “Ugly, isn’t it?”

“Very.” Celestia agreed, studying the creature. “I see what you mean about being the color of blood. Has it shown any awareness of the scrying point?”’

“None, Your Highness. It hasn’t shown much awareness of anything. It might be totally mindless.” Bluebell replied.

“Better not underestimate that thing.” Subtle Dancer said sourly. “For all we know it might be a genius. As big as it is, if it knows magic I shudder to think how strong it could be.”

“Ever the optimist, Chief Horn?” Princess Celestia asked lightly. “Still, you have a point. Have you seen any sign of Tišina, Bluebell?”

“No, ma’am.” Bluebell shook her head. “Didn’t the Lieutenant say she was a coward and would run? If she didn’t—well just look at that thing. Not even a dragon could fight it.”

“Hmm. Subtle Dancer thinks she’s already recovered and is lying low.” Celestia said.

“The Chief is—cautious, Your Highness.” Bluebell said diplomatically. “She’s proven to be formidable so I won’t say it’s impossible. But that massive storm and magical dead zone were completely unprecedented in scale. And now we find this thing here at the bottom of an impossibly large pit? I doubt Tišina could pull all that off.”

“Then what do you think did happen?” The Princess asked curiously.

“I don’t know. Maybe something like the Bridge of Days? No way is Cuddles a local.”

“Cuddles?” The princess asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Well, I thought about Poopsie-kins, but it just didn’t seem to fit.” Bluebell said with such a serious expression the Princess started laughing.

“Cuddles it is, then.” Princess Celestia declared. Bluebell smiled at her.

“I’m glad I could make you laugh, Your Highness.”

“It is appreciated, my little pony. Thank you.”

“Oh, one more thing. The expedition is getting ready to depart. I saw the trolls and the sergeant digging out the chariots. They should be back soon.”

“Let’s hope they bring good news.” Subtle Dancer said, turning to look at the somnolent monster.

Fly Away Home

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In which the expedition makes its way back to Canterlot bringing disaster in its wake.

“Problem?” Matt asked calmly, watching her with a smirk. “Slippery floor, maybe?”

“No!” Teagan said forcefully. “Crush just saw a humongous eldritch horror at the bottom of the pit!”

“Eldritch horror? What is that? I’ve never heard of it.” Twilight asked. Matt looked blank.

“You know! Dark secrets man was not meant to know? Horror from beyond time and space? A big nasty glob of flesh with way too many tentacles and more eyes than any sane person wants to think about?” Teagan asked in exasperation.

“I’m not up on my Lovecraft, Squirt.” Matt said, turning serious. “But tentacles are never a good sign no matter what kind of cartoon you’re in. How big is this thing?”

“It fills the bottom of the pit, Matt.” Teagan said forcefully. “It’s piled up on the side, for God’s sake! More than 500 feet across. Maybe a lot bigger than that. They tend to keep most of their bodies in another dimension and just poke part of themselves into ours. Usually just a tiny part.”

“Wait. So you’re saying this creature is 500 feet long and that’s just a tiny piece of it?” Rainbow Dash asked incredulously. Teagan nodded her head vigorously.

“Matt, there’s more. That pit is too deep, our bombs didn’t make it. The sides are straight up and down and covered with solid ice. It’s like something melted a hole in the glacier. We need to get out of here before that thing breaks loose.”

“Hmm.” Matt said thoughtfully. “And we still don’t know where Tišina’s gotten off to either.”

“That thing probably ate her.” Teagan said. “Matt, we need to leave.”

Matt nodded sharply.

“Agreed. Percy, would you find the Alene and give him my compliments? Tell him we’ve got a big bad nasty nosing around and we need those chariots ASAP.”

“Yes, sir!” Percy saluted and trotted toward the tunnel down to the chariot cave.

“Ok, everybody else, I need you to pack as much as you can carry. Priorities are weapons, expensive yet easily moved equipment, and food, in that order. Pinkie, how many rounds do you have left for Berry Fudge Gumball?”

“Lessee, Three rounds the first night and Cerise used one, so 16 left.” Pinkie said brightly.

“That won’t even scratch our eldritch friend.” Matt mused. “But it could discourage Tišina or anything else no bigger than a dragon. Let’s keep it handy. Pull it out, Pinkie. We’ll use your saddlebags to carry as much stuff as we can.”

“Listen up, everyone! I want us ready to roll in 30 minutes. Anything you haven’t packed up by then stays here. The flight back should take three days, pack enough food for five.”

Matt glumly thought about the single clip of armor-piercing rounds he had left, along with three more AP rounds in the rifle, and another three clips of regular rounds that wouldn’t do anything to Tišina even assuming he managed to hit her in flight.

It’s a sad day when you find out your elephant gun has been demoted to a pea shooter. He thought to himself as he surveyed the organized chaos of expedition members frantically sorted through their stuff. He moved to help Dawn Spire, who seemed to be struggling with a bulky contraption.

Ten minutes later there was a short but potent earthquake that knocked the humans and several unprepared ponies off their feet.

ooOoo

Tišina stretched herself and eyed the rock above her. With contemptuous ease she stabbed a myriad of tentacles into the granite and leveraged her gelatinous bulk upward toward the distant surface. It had been a long time since she’d moved this way, but after a few minutes she was flowing easily up the sheer rock face.

ooOoo

The Alene smiled at the ramp that now led out of cave and onto the surface. The massive blanket of snow the blizzard deposited had been blown out in a cone shaped depression that reached the surface. Striding up the ramp of densely packed slow he soon reached the loose powder at the surface.

Reaching deep inside himself he found the pool of power that glowed red like magma. Bending it to his will he started chanting with a rich deep booming cadence that echoed across the glacier. When he released the spell the loose powder suddenly compacted in a straight path for a hundred yards ahead of him. It was as flat as a still pond but not icy, and just perfect for hooves to run across.

“It’s time to go.” He said, turning to the pegasus, who nodded and flew up to the east entrance, now ten feet above the snow. He disappeared inside.

ooOoo

“Chief! Chief!” Bluebell burst into Subtle Dancer’s office her face a mask of panic. “Cuddles is moving! It’s climbing out of the pit! At its current speed it should reach the top in less than twenty minutes!”

“What about the expedition?” He demanded. He stood up and got ready to teleport.

“The Alene seems to have cast some kind of spell that blew out the side of the ice jumble and made a ramp. The rest of them have been packing. They should be ready to go any time now. But I don’t know if they know about Cuddles. If it catches them before they leave…”

Subtle Dancer nodded grimly and teleported out.

Bluebell ran back to her station to keep an eye on the situation.

ooOoo

“Ok, science team goes first, get airborne and don’t wait for us. Head for home. Construction crew goes next. The Bearers, then trolls after them, and finally Dawn Spire and I bring up the rear. Sorry Dawn Spire, you’re with me in case I need some magical expertise in a hurry. Let’s move out!”

Matt watched as the first three chariots rolled down the snow runway and lifted into the sky. They turned and headed south.

The first construction crew chariot was moving down the runway when a hideous moaning sound rolled across the ice. Matt got a good view as a geyser of blood suddenly exploded from the pit, wailing and screaming with the voices of a thousand damned souls.

It was like Hell had come to party. The thing was two miles away and still clearly visible. Matt had never seen anything so hideous in his entire career, and he though he’d already plumbed the depths of depravity. Well, human depravity…

He watched the writhing horror as it continued to pour itself out of the pit.

Great, he thought, just what I need. New material for my nightmares. Oh well, the old ones were getting boring anyway.

The pegasi pulling the chariot balked at the sight, stopping short and trembling.

“Go! Get in the air! Move your rumps you flea-bitten mules!” Matt roared in his best parade ground bellow.

It may have been unforgivably rude but it did the job. The Royal Guards recovered and charged down the runway, four more chariots hot on their heels.

The Snøskred’s chariot went next, followed by Sun Hammer’s and then Teelo and Pinkie, the latter wearing Berry Fudge Gumball and finally the rest of the Mane 6, the Alene riding with Twilight.

“Time to go.” He said to Dawn Spire, who nodded and teleported them into the last chariot, pulled by Sergeant Stormwind and Percival. As the chariot thundered down the runway the thing from the pit started to charge toward them, flowing over the snow as if it were normal ground.

It was like being charged by a tsunami of blood, if that tsunami made a sound like a million tortured spirits.

There was a little over a mile between the monster and the chariot when the latter finally went airborne and turned to the south. Matt watched with narrowed eyes as the chariot slowly pulled away from the hideous mountain of flesh that had also turned south, showing no signs of giving up the chase.

“How long can you stay aloft?” He shouted to the two pegasi.

“No more than ten hours!” The sergeant called back. Matt looked back at the horror behind them and tried to calculate times and distances. He knew the chariots could cover about fifty miles in an hour, which meant 500 miles before they were forced to land. The pegasi would need at least eight hours of solid downtime and Matt was pretty sure they couldn’t do it for three days straight, not even with Mount Gruesome nipping at their heels the whole way.

Meanwhile the monster seemed to be doing a little under half their speed. Given that they were in a magical universe and Murphy held jurisdiction here, Matt was willing to bet that thing didn’t need to sleep.

Call it twenty miles per hour, which meant it would cover 200 miles in ten hours. Ten more hours of downtime to rest the pegasi, which was another 200 miles, meaning at best they’d be a hundred miles ahead of it, and if they could maintain that pace they’d be three hundred miles ahead by the time they got back.

Three hundred miles meant fifteen hours. Matt winced.

Less than a day to ready Canterlot to face a monster like that? It wouldn’t even be enough time to evacuate the city.

Matt didn’t know why he was so convinced the thing was after the capitol, maybe it was paranoia, maybe it was his belief this was a cartoon world that followed Murphy’s law, but he knew where that thing was going. And what it was going to do when it got there.

“Ok, Dawn Spire I need you to show me the direct line from here to Canterlot.” Matt said as the two of them got below the rim of the chariot and out of the wind of their passage.

“All right.” She said, unrolling a map with her horn’s magic. “This is where we are. In two hours we’ll cross the Northern Ley Line and two hours after that we’ll reach a point about fifty miles west of Pingwin. The good news is its pretty desolate country all the way to the eastern spur of the Central Ley Line, and then down to the Griffin Kingdoms. We’ll be passing the western edge of the Great Smoke, nobody lives there. The first big city is Pisa, but that will be well east of us.

“So if that thing follows us home you’re saying we’ve got about a thousand miles of ocean and tundra to figure out how to stop it before it hits any populated areas?”

“You want to fight that thing?” Dawn Spire gaped at him. “Are you insane, Lieutenant? What are we going to do, throw rocks at it?”

He grinned at her. “Give me a better solution, Miss Genius. I’m all ears.”

“Sweet Celestia!” She gasped. “You’re serious?”

“That thing gets to Equestria a lot of ponies are going to die.” He said, turning serious. “We can’t reach the capitol in time to give a warning. My best guess is it’ll be less than a day behind us.”

“Oh, is that what you’re worried about? The capitol already knows about it, Lieutenant.” Dawn Spire said, relaxing. “Subtle Dancer assured me they’d be keeping a scrying crystal on us at all times. They’ve seen our friend back there, and the Princess will be ready to deal with it.”

“Far be it for me to disillusion you, but that thing’s probably more dangerous than Tišina.” Matt said. “How do you think she’s going to deal with a mountain made of hungry tentacles?”

“The Princess is the most powerful mage in all of Equestria.” Dawn Spire said confidently. “She’ll deal with it. Trust me.”

“Hmm. Well, right now I’d say a nuke would be the best bet. Short of that, a whole damn fleet of B-52s with incendiary bombs.”

“I don’t know what those are. But remember we have the Elements of Harmony with us.”

“Yeah, Teelo told me about those. Some kind of rainbow that turns things to stone?” His voice was skeptical.

“It dealt with Discord.” She retorted.

“Several times. But he keeps coming back.” Matt noted drily. “I’m not much on the whole happy singing pony thing, Dawn Spire. Don’t get me wrong, you guys are nice and friendly and I love this place, I really do. But you can’t stop a hungry abomination with friendship and rainbows.”

“Is that what you really think Harmony is all about?” Dawn Spire shook her head in pity. “Harmony isn’t just a word, Lieutenant. It’s a magical force, one of the strongest magics known. It’s powered by the magic of friendship. The Bearers themselves are living, breathing embodiments of the six aspects of Harmony.”

“So you’re saying the whole singing and dancing thing is actually powerful magic?” Matt raised a skeptical eyebrow and pointed back at the red spot fading in the distance. “More powerful than that?”

“Yes, Lieutenant!” Dawn Spire said patiently. “Princess Celestia is the wellspring of life. Princess Luna is the mystery of existence. The Bearers are the embodiments of harmony. Life, in harmony with existence, it’s the most powerful energy there is. It’s what made the world. It’s what keeps life itself going. Friendship is power. Love is power. It can overcome anything, if you harness it properly. It’s the power behind magic itself. All of creation flows from it.”

“Hope you’re right, Dawn Spire. Because we’re going to need every scrap of power we can get to deal with that wicked beastie behind us.”

Matt stared back at the hateful red fuzzy patch steadily falling behind.

ooOoo

“I hope Dr. Whooves has my surprise present ready when we get back.” Pinkie Pie said to Teagan a couple of hours later. “I need it for my party plans.”

“Pinkie, this is hardly the time to be thinking about a party!” Teagan exclaimed in exasperation.

“Yes it is! You just listen to old Auntie Pinkie Pie, Teelo.” Pinkie winked. “It’s an extra-super-duper-special surprise present that has never ever been seen before in the whole world!”

“That’s nice, Pinkie.” Teagan said, staring back at the hint of red that was doggedly trailing them. “What is it?”

“I can’t tell you, Silly! If I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise now would it? But you just wait!”

Teagan gently started banging her head on the side of the chariot.

ooOoo

“Assuming the worst case scenario,” Subtle Dancer said, standing before the assembled council, “the creature known as Cuddles will arrive at Canterlot in a little over three days. The expedition will beat it here by less than half a day.”

“This is a complete disaster!” Duke Shimmerling snarled, slamming his hoof down on the table. “That human may have dealt with Tišina but he is bringing an even bigger disaster down on our heads!”

“No one could have foreseen such a creature’s existence, Your Grace.” Subtle Dancer said evenly. “You yourself approved the attack, along with the rest of the council.”

The Duke ignored the jibe. “What is being done to protect the city?”

“Shining Armor stands ready to cast his shield spell, and Princess Cadence will boost his power as needed. The Royal Guard has been mobilized and the militia has been activated. The Horns are readying combat spells that have lain dormant since the founding of Equestria. Both of Their Highnesses will, of course, defend the city as well.”

“And where will the Elements of Harmony be deployed?” Baroness Splendid Light asked, carefully ignoring the Duke.

“On the northern plain a few miles from the city.” Subtle Dancer said. “Near the current location of Cloudsdale. Should the Elements fail to stop the creature the Bearers will have a clear line of retreat. Cloudsdale is safely out of the creature’s reach.”

“The Elements of Harmony cannot fail! What madness has taken you, Subtle Dancer?” The Duke asked angrily, nostrils flaring.

“Yog-Sothoth cannot walk the fields of Equestria either.” Evelyn cut in, her voice cool and calm. “Yet it does, Your Grace. We dismiss the impossible at our peril. Less than a week ago I would have said you were impossible.”

“You know about this creature?” The Duke asked incredulously.

“I believe so. If this creature is not Yog-Sothoth itself then it’s one of his spawn. And that too is ‘impossible’, Your Grace.”

“Tell us what you know, human!” The Duke demanded, leaning forward and glaring. She smiled at the angry pony and started to speak in a slow deep chant.

“Yog-Sothoth knows the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth. He knows where the Old Ones broke through of old, and where They shall break through again. He knows where They have trod earth’s fields, and where They still tread them, and why no one can behold Them as They tread.”

The Duke’s eyes shrank in dread, and several of the council members openly trembled. Princess Celestia regarded Evelyn with a thoughtful look, although she said nothing.

“Of course, everything I know about Yog-Sothoth and the other Great Old Ones comes from playing a game.” Evelyn said, chuckling at the look on the Duke’s face.

“You dare?” The Duke stood, and pawed the floor. “You dare mock this council when a dire threat bears down on us all? You have no place here! Begone!”

“Your Grace,” Celestia spoke softly, but every eye turned to her. “I would remind you that Evelyn Lewis is here by my express invitation.” Her gaze was tranquil as she regarded the angry pony.

“I crave pardon, Your Highness. But we have no time for games.” The Duke said, suddenly looking penitent and defensive.

“Your Grace,” Subtle Dancer broke the uncomfortable silence. “Might I point out Investigator Lewis has an amazing grasp of magical theory—which she learned playing a game. Without her input we would never have been able to locate Tišina. At least some of the games humans play seem to have a deeper significance than mere entertainment. It would be unwise to disregard her advice in this matter.”

“My apologies, Investigator.” The Duke said somewhat stiffly. “In my zeal to assure the safety of Equestria I may have spoken more harshly than I should.”

“Apology accepted, Your Grace.” Evelyn said, face pleasantly neutral. “Everyone is under a great deal of stress so tempers are frayed. Now, shall I tell you what I know about the Great Old Ones?”

ooOoo

As the expedition landed on barren tundra some five hundred miles from the glacier, far behind them Tišina reached the ocean. Without pausing she plunged into the surf and disappeared under the waves. Her body immediately reshaped itself, thinning and elongating, the tentacles and eyes rearranging themselves around her entire body. The suddenly streamlined horror shot forward at three times the speed it had managed on land, spearing through massive schools of startled fish without warning.

Tentacles lashed out, slicing and swallowing. Tišina gorged herself on the death of thousands as she raced a hundred feet below the waves. She didn’t need the flesh she was harvesting. She drew her sustenance from the energies outside time and space, more like a plant than an animal. No, her carnage was purely to rid the world of the scourge of life that infected it. With each death a tiny bit of magic fled the world into the vastness that was the rest of Tišina’s real body which existed beyond the veil of the world. There it was consumed and rendered inert for all eternity.

This way was slower than her previous plan, but just as certain. It was time to bring purity back to the world.

Starting with a certain conceited horse who had dared don the mantel of godhood.

ooOoo

Rainbow Dash was stretching her wings after yesterday’s long boring chariot ride. She couldn’t leave or enter the chariot because the change in weight disrupted the magic the chariot used to stay aloft; such a massive change could have caused it to crash. As much as she wanted to fly she’d never risk Applejack and the pegasi pulling the chariot like that.

So she’d been stuck with Applejack all day. She’d tried napping but the cramped quarters of the chariot had kept her from getting any real rest, especially considering how often she changed position while she slept.

She’d woken an hour before they were due to leave and was taking advantage of the situation. Matt and Teagan had gotten up early to spar, so she felt perfectly justified in a nice refreshing flight.

She decided to cover her bets in case Matt got in her face about leaving camp and headed north in a cynical combination of ‘scouting’ flight and acrobatics practice. She was about five miles north of camp when her mane nearly stood on end.

A faint sound, like chalk screeching down a chalk board came from the north.

“No way!” She breathed in disbelief and immediately nose-dived to build up speed. The vapor cone formed rapidly and the pegasus stretched out, straining to perform the now familiar maneuver.

“Come on, come on,” she chanted to herself, feeling the strain build up. “Now!”

There was a boom and suddenly she accelerated sharply, a ring of rainbow light rapidly expanding behind her. She leveled off and shot north, leaving a rainbow stream of magic like a colorful contrail.

No one in the camp noticed the Sonic Rainboom. She was too far away for anyone to hear the boom, and no one was looking north to see the ring of light. As usual Rainbow Dash was acting on impulse and completely on her own.

She traveled another two minutes before spotting the ugly red pile of squirming tentacles. As far as she could tell it was travelling about the same speed it had when they’d first outrun it.

What the hay? How’d that catch up to us so fast? She wondered. That’s when she flashed past it and saw the aftermath of its passing.

“Whoa! That’s not good.” She muttered as she made sure she was well behind the red monstrosity before angling down to land in the trench the creature had left as it passed. She looked around and her eyes widened in shock. She trotted to the wall of the trench to make sure she wasn’t seeing things.

“Oh, not good, not good, not good! I gotta tell the others!” She sprang in the air and frantically clawed for altitude so she’d have room for another Sonic Rainboom. As she passed over the monster, climbing as fast as she could, every tentacle waved at her jauntily.

Swallowing the sudden acid taste at the back of her throat she nosed over and dove, her wings beating so fast the vapor cone formed in half the time.

“Oh please, oh please, oh please, Celestia…” She pleaded before she felt blessed relief as the surge of acceleration took hold. She leveled off and sprinted for camp.

ooOoo

Tišina chuckled as she saw the circular rainbow burst overhead.

You won’t escape me so easily once I’ve dealt with Her Arrogance, the Insufferable Princess of Pride, Tišina thought with a tiny part of her vast mind. Another part was already planning how to deal with the winged pests…

ooOoo

“Matt! Teelo!” Rainbow Dash landed hard next to the two as they sparred. “That thing is right behind us! No more than thirty miles back!” She said frantically.

“How did it catch up?” Teagan demanded. Matt was more practical. He started bellowing orders, waking the pegasi half an hour before they were due to get up. The expedition members scrambled in near panic.

Matt soon had the members organized, some preparing food even as the pegasi assumed their positions in the chariot harness, others breaking camp. Groups of ponies brought the pegasi food and ate with the winged ponies in frantic gulps.

Twenty minutes after Rainbow Dash’s panicked arrival in camp they were in the air, already hearing the faint whispers of the creature’s insane chorus as they fled toward the dubious safety of the capital.

Two hours into the flight a pegasus with massive wings dove from behind them and hovered above Matt’s chariot.

“Message for you, Lieutenant!” The mare called down. She lowered herself until her belly was only a couple of feet above Matt’s head. “The whole satchel is for you. Unbuckle it from my harness!”

The hefty canvas bag was quickly detached and the pegasus snapped her wings, rapidly climbing away from them. In less than a minute she was an invisible dot impossibly high above them, headed back to the capitol.

Matt opened the folded letter on top of the satchel’s contents and stared, bemused at the incomprehensible script. Shrugging he handed it to Dawn Spire.

“Sorry, I haven’t learned to read your writing.” He said. “Would you be so kind?”

“Of course, Lieutenant.” Dawn Spire scanned the letter quickly.

“It’s from Princess Celestia. ‘Dear Matthew, we are aware of the creature following you which we have named Cuddles.’ ”

Matt barked a short laugh and Dawn Spire stared at the letter and re-read the line silently.

“Cuddles? Seriously? I’ve heard of laughing in the face of danger, but that’s ridiculous!”

“No argument.” Matt said calmly. “Go on.”

“Oh, right. Anyway, she says ‘Evelyn Lewis tells us its real name is Yog-Sothoth, an Elder God from outside time and space, or perhaps it’s one of his spawn. Either way the creature is far too powerful for you to engage. Your top priority is to keep the members of the expedition safe and return to Canterlot as soon as possible. We have laid plans to deal with the creature and have included copies for you to review, along with as detailed an analysis of the creature as we have been able to compile by scrying. Bring my little ponies home safely Matthew. Signed, Her Highness Celestia, Princess of Equestria.”

“Well, seems like we have our orders, Dawn Spire. Let’s take a look at those plans, shall we?”

Murphy's Law Is Lame

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In which we learn the value of contingency plans.

As soon as they landed Matt made sure the hungry and exhausted pegasi got a fast energy snack while others prepared dinner—and that the pegasi were first in line when it was ready.

After they ate the pegasi thankfully turned in for their well-earned sleep. Matt planned to let them have a full ten hours unless Cuddles managed another surprise sprint. He set up a full watch using the unicorns in conjunction with the earth ponies. Sun Hammer and the trolls acted as night captains since they’d been able to rest during the flight. He told Rainbow Dash to be ready for flight the first thing the next morning. She’d agreed enthusiastically to fly back and make sure Cuddles hadn’t caught up during the night.

By now they were deep in an unsettled part of the Griffin Kingdoms, the city of Asgard to the southeast. He doubted they’d have any encounters with the rather prideful griffins since they preferred the mountains and left the plains wild to improve the hunting. Dawn Spire had shuddered delicately as she spoke the word.

Matt let that pass without comment. By now he was well aware of the ponies view on predation. He honestly couldn’t blame them for it, although he didn’t begrudge the griffins their hunts as long as the expedition wasn’t their prey.

However the area was also prime real estate for other large and dangerous predators which is why they set a full watch.

Teagan and Matt sat next to the fire while he studied the map.

“We’ll reach Canterlot by late afternoon. We’ve made better time than I thought we would. Trust the pegasi to find a tailwind.”

“Matt?” Teagan asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, Squirt?” He glanced up.

“I’m worried about Cuddles. You think Princess Celestia and the rest can handle that thing?”

“Dunno.” He shrugged. “Every since Rainbow Dash reported Cuddles was scouring every trace of life as it passes I’ve had a bad feeling about that moving mountain. But then again Her Highness is a magical powerhouse. The blast she threw at Tišina was equal to a B-52 loaded with bunker busters. She can probably toss more than one of those before running dry, too. Princess Luna’s no slouch either.”

“Yeah, I guess. I just feel so helpless. This isn’t like last time, Matt. Discord was scary, but at least he was close to my size! Tišina is way above my weight class, and Cuddles is just—unreal. How can something like that even exist? This is supposed to be a land of singing and dancing ponies, for God’s sake, not some horror movie.”

“Hmm. Maybe. On the other hand, this was never a child’s cartoon world.” Matt pointed out. “Dragons and griffins and Lord knows what else? You ran into a manticore your very first day. Not exactly tea parties and croquet, now is it?”

“Well, no.” Teagan admitted. “But my first trip was more like an episode of the show. I mean, evil Discord was way worse than the cartoon ever showed, but it was still a human-sized problem. I mean, yeah, he attacked Princess Celestia but that was an even match. Tišina took her down without even trying.”

Matt poked the fire, thinking.

“In an open fight Celestia and Luna could take her.” He said finally. “Even Twilight was able to make her crash. The first time Tišina had the element of surprise. That’s a huge force multiplier, Squirt. You know that.”

“Yeah.” Teagan sighed. “I just feel so useless. I’m supposed to be this hero, you know? I took down Discord in a fair fight. I even saved the Princess’s life! But this time I’ve done squat. You and Pinkie fought Tišina. Evelyn and Subtle Dancer found her lair and it was your plan that let us defeat her. In that final battle Cerise and Twilight did the heavy lifting! And there I was, just standing around looking like an idiot.”

“Ah. I can see why you’d feel that way.” Matt said, nodding. “But it’s a team effort, Squirt. Nobody gets to be the hero every time. Besides, even if you didn’t strike a single blow with Crush you still played a key role. Without you neither Evelyn nor I would be here and the trolls wouldn’t be working with the ponies. Without you Twilight wouldn’t have been in position to make Tišina crash. That means she’d still be playing hide and seek and who knows how many more ponies she’d have turned to stone or killed? She came within a hairsbreadth of killing Garnet, remember.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” Teagan said, moping.

“Have I ever lied to you, Squirt?” Matt asked lightly.

“No.” Teagan admitted reluctantly.

“Here’s the thing. Know what we call a hero in the Special Forces?” He asked.

“A Green Beret?” She responded, chuckling.

“Nope. A damned fool.” Matt answered with a grin.

“Why?” She asked startled.

“Because if you have to be a hero it means somebody screwed the pooch big time, probably you.” He answered. “That final fight with Tišina is a prime example. I screwed up and could have gotten everyone killed because I miscalculated. I figured she was a coward and would run. I didn’t remember she was also an egomaniacal sociopath. If Cerise hadn’t blown her head off she might have killed us all. If I hadn’t screwed up Twilight wouldn’t have had to use her magic to make her crash. If I hadn’t screwed up Cuddles wouldn’t be ready to chow down on Canterlot.”

“You don’t know that.” Teagan protested. “Cuddles might have been set free by the bombardment. Or maybe Tišina’s death did it. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Maybe. But I have a feeling there’s going to be lots of heroes before this is over.” Matt said quietly. “Probably you included.”

“Hey guys, whatcha talking about?” A pink head with a wide cheerful smile thrust between the two of them. Teagan yelped while Matt’s hand darted toward his knife. Once they recognized the intruder they relaxed.

“Hi Pinkie.” Teagan said. “Nothing much. Still planning that party?”

“You bet! That’s why I came over. Hey Matt, I need to go to Ponyville before we use the Elements on Cuddles.”

“Why?” He asked calmly.

“Cause I need to see Dr. Whooves. He’s making the Special Surprise.”

Teagan groaned. “Pinkie, this is no time to think about parties!”

“Who’s the surprise for, Pinkie?” Matt asked.

“I dunno. But Cerise told me how to make it and I told Dr. Whooves. My twitches are telling me it’s really important though.”

Teagan paused. You ignored Pinkie’s twitches at your peril. Like so much else about Pinkie the twitches made absolutely no sense but Teagan had once seen her use them to avoid falling debris while rescuing some ponies from a collapsing building…

Matt saw her hesitation.

“I take it you believe her?” Matt asked.

“Yeah. Her Pinkie Sense is never wrong.” Teagan said. “I thought she was just being Pinkie before, but…”

“I’m always being me, Silly.” Pinkie laughed. “Even if I’m having Cerise house sit while I go off somewhere I’m still being me, wherever I happened to go. You can ask Garnet!”

Both Matt and Teagan winced at the mention of Cerise’s name but Pinkie didn’t notice.

“How ‘bout it?” She asked. “There’s a big old cupcake in it for you, Matt. Prance Vanilla!”

“Bribery, Pinkie?” Matt asked, grinning. She nodded enthusiastically.

“Sure!”

“Make it two and you’ve got a deal.” Matt chuckled. “Teelo goes with you to make sure you get back in time, ok?”

“Okie-dokie-lokie! Cirrus and Arcus won’t mind. I’ll make sure they get a cupcake too for flying us there!” Pinkie turned and zipped away.

Matt and Teagan looked at each other for a moment, before dissolving into laughter.

ooOoo

“Final preparations are complete, Your Highness.” Subtle Dancer said gravely.

The council had assembled for a final meeting before the attack. As a courtesy Celestia had included the troll Steinknuser, who was the Chargé D'Affaires for the troll delegation. Unlike the Snøskred, the Chargé was a typical troll, without the Snøskred’s subtlety. He was no fool, however. He watched the proceedings with a scowl and sharp eyes.

“The Bearers will be in position several hours before Cuddles attacks. The city will be shielded and all train service has been suspended until further notice. The surrounding countryside has been alerted to the threat and told to evacuate for their safety. The troll delegation has kindly decided they will remain in Canterlot during the attack.”

“We are heartened that you have elected to aid us, Steinknuser.” Celestia dipped her horn to him.

“The trolls wish to see this through, Princess of Ponies.” The troll replied in a bass rumble. “If Cuddles is what the human fears it is, then it would be best for troll eyes to see how it fights so that we can kill it should you fail. Pony magic is powerful, but troll magic is the magic of the earth and more powerful still.”

The alicorn gave the troll a slight smile and turned her attention back to Subtle Dancer.

“The Griffin Kingdoms thanked us for alerting them but have as yet not announced their intentions. The Land Survey flights have spotted numerous griffin patrols keeping watch over Cuddles. The delegations from most neighboring realms have elected to withdraw until this matter can be resolved one way or the other.”

“What of Gildedale?” Duke Shimmerling asked.

“They were alerted. They assured us they stood ready to aid in rebuilding, but they declined to otherwise get involved.” Subtle Dancer said.

The Duke sighed.

“Typical cattle.” He said. “Unless they are attacked directly they’ll just stand and watch.”

The council meeting continued, shifting to the topic of logistics and exactly how well Canterlot could weather a prolonged siege, should worst come to worst.

ooOoo

“Sir.” Sergeant Stormwind saluted. His face was grim. “We have a problem.”

“What is it?” Matt asked calmly.

“Nine cases of wing-lameness, sir.” The pegasus said with a worried frown. “Three total, six partial.”

“Meaning they can’t fly?” Matt asked, a frown appearing.

“Yes, sir. That’s a full quarter of our pegasi. Six of them can technically still fly, but not in armor and not pulling a chariot. The other three can’t fly at all.”

“So we lose five chariots?” Matt asked, rapidly doing logistical calculations in his head and not liking the answers.

“Probably. We might shuffle some things, we may only lose four. Three if Celestia smiles on us.”

“Great.” Matt sighed. “Murphy strikes again. It takes two pegasi to haul a chariot, right?”

The sergeant nodded. “Normally, yes sir. And four to handle the big ones. Actually it takes two to get into the air. Once flying a single pegasi can haul a normal chariot, and two can haul a large chariot—but not for ten hours.”

“What if we lose the armor?” Matt asked eyeing the heavy plate barding the sergeant wore.

“Lose the armor?” Stormwind looked at him like a school principle who’d just been asked to hold an all-nude prom this year.

“How much does it weigh, Sergeant? A hundred pounds?”

“Eighty.” The pegasus corrected him. “But—”

“How likely are you to need to fight in the next ten hours?” Matt challenged him. The pegasus considered.

“Not very. If Canterlot is keeping an eye on us like Dawn Spire said then the Captain will send out fresh guards to meet us half way.”

“There you go then.”

“But it’s our armor.” The Sergeant said, torn between respect for a commanding officer and the unthinkable lack of the sacred armor while on duty.

“You’re a Royal Guard 24 hours a day, right?” Matt asked patiently.

“Of course!” The sergeant said proudly.

“Even when you aren’t wearing your armor?”

“Yes.” Stormwind’s eyes narrowed, seeing the trap.

“You serve Princess Celestia every hour of every day, armor or no damn armor. And her orders to me were very clear. Bring all her little ponies home safely. That’s what I’m going to do, Sergeant. Not wearing the armor saves eighty pounds per pegasus. That’s close to three thousand pounds. Three thousand pounds those exhausted pegasi no longer have to haul. Along with whatever other weight we can jettison. You said three of those pegasi can’t fly at all, right? Do the math. Three thousand pounds of armor or seven guards. You really want to leave seven pegasi behind who can’t fly—with Cuddles coming this way?”

The sergeant winced. “Point taken, sir.”

In the end the trolls dug a cache to store everything they couldn’t take with them: armor, equipment, extra food and water. It would be retrieved later.

Teelo, being the lightest, ended up in the Snøskred’s chariot, much to her silent chagrin. However she knew it was the only solution as her place beside Pinkie was needed for one of the lame pegasi.

It turned out this situation was one the guards had actually trained for. In the end they managed to lose only three chariots by clever use of the same maneuver that had so unnerved Twilight during her mad dash to the capitol. Matt grinned when Stormwind told him it was called “The Dead Duck”.

Fluttershy wasn’t strong enough to pull a chariot, but Rainbow Dash eagerly volunteered to replace one of the lame pegasi. So when the expedition took to the air only three chariots had to be left behind.

But not a single expedition member was.

ooOoo

“It appears fate has decreed we be travelling companions, Lady Teagan.” The Snøskred finally spoke ten minutes into the flight. “The Alene brought to my attention I may have been overly eager in my attempts to get to know you in Canterlot. I assure you I meant no harm.”

Teagan blinked, surprised. She considered how to respond to this unexpected confession. She decided to see what else the Alene had told him.

“Did the Alene happen to mention my proposal regarding Crush?” She asked, trying to be pleasant.

“I believe he might have.” The troll nodded thoughtfully. “Although it is quite possible there was some confusion on both sides of that conversation. Dalen is extremely intelligent, but he is not a trained diplomat. Nor, of course, are you. So you may not be aware that two species can draw drastically different meanings from the same conversation.”

Teagan considered that. She knew the Royal sisters were wary of the Snøskred. He was a troll and wouldn’t lie, but nothing said he had to go out of his way to reveal anything either. He was much more clever than he looked, deliberately playing the troll card to conceal that cleverness.

Very much like Discord, actually.

“I accept your expertise, Snøskred.” She said carefully. “However, I was quite clear about my intentions. The Alene was kind enough to enlighten me on the reaction it would provoke. As I told him, perhaps it’s better to maintain the status quo. For the sake of the world.”

“Hmm. While I cannot speak for the king, Lady Teagan, I know him well. The death of his father and the theft of Mountain Heart are not matters to be taken lightly. He is understandably touchy about them.”

“Theft?” Teagan chuckled. “Crush and I have been together for nearly a year, Snøskred. I freely admit I don’t know everything about it, but one thing is very clear. Crush can’t be forced to do something it doesn’t want to do.”

The Snøskred’s face was bland. “Accepting what you say is true, Lady Teagan, I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make.”

“Sun Hammer told me it took four strong earth ponies to drag Crush to the armory, and twenty unicorns to lift it onto the table. The trolls and the ponies both seem to think this means Crush was taken against its will.”

The Snøskred thought deeply before replying.

“It seems like a reasonable conclusion.” He finally said.

Teagan shook her head. “That was just Crush being Crush. If Crush truly didn’t want to go, not all the ponies in Equestria could have budged it.”

“You are saying Mountain Heart wanted to be taken?” The Snøskred asked, clearly skeptical.

“Wanted is too strong a word. Indifferent would be closer.” Teagan said carefully. “That’s why Crush serves me. It doesn’t care that I’m not a troll, all it cares about is that I have the will to wield it.”

“What does this have to do with the King?” He asked. Teagan could hear the wheels turning inside that ugly green skull.

“Crush chose to serve me, Snøskred. And as long as it chooses to serve me it will serve no one else. Meaning the King can’t wield it. He can’t carry it. He can’t even pick it up. Does he really want that the rest of the trolls to know that?”

“Oh, there’s also the little matter of me saving the freaking world. Twice. I’m told trolls always pay their debts, Snøskred Mot Lyn. Is that true?”

“It is.” The Snøskred said gravely.

“All he has to do is leave me alone. I go home, I take Crush with me, and the debt’s paid. It’s a win-win scenario. Crush won’t serve him because it serves me. But I don’t serve your king, so neither will Crush.”

“And Mountain Heart will serve you for the rest of your life. How long do humans live, Lady Teagan?” The Snøskred’s tone was mild.

Eyes snapped open in Teagan’s head.

This one is dangerous. You should kill him now. Crush’s voice echoed around her head.

Do you want to go back and serve the troll king? She asked the eyes.

No. I serve you. I have said this.

The odd phrasing rang a bell. It took Teagan a moment to remember where she’d heard it before. When she did she smiled in a way that made the troll wary.

“What does the phrase ‘I have said this’ mean when the Alene says it?” She asked the troll.

He paused, trying to guess the meaning behind her question.

“When an Alene says that, he is guaranteeing the accuracy of what he just said, he is reminding the listener that he is an Alene and would not have said something he did not know to be indisputable fact. Why do you ask?”

“Because when I asked Crush just now if it wanted to serve the troll king, it said ‘No, I serve you. I have said this’. I guess since an Alene made Crush that’s where it picked up the phrase.”

She didn’t expect the look of utter shock on the troll’s face.

“Mountain Heart spoke to you?” He asked, clearly aghast.

“Yeah. It isn’t much on conversation but if I ask it something it will answer. Why?”

“Lady Teagan, do you normally sense anything from Mountain Heart?” The troll seemed oddly intent, leaning forward slightly.

“Well, the first time I went to the armory I could feel it staring at me.” Teagan answered slowly, wondering why the troll was so interested. “But other than that, no.”

The Snøskred slumped, clearly relieved about something.

“But there are eyes in my mind. They’ve been there ever since Crush started serving me. Normally they’re closed but when Crush wakes up they open. Hey, are you all right?”

The troll had paled, his normal gray-green face becoming pure gray.

“Eyes.” He said hollowly.

“Yeah. Eyes the same color as Crush.” She said.

“Lady Teagan, forgive me, but I have a great deal to think about. Things are not as they seemed.”

“What do you mean? This isn’t another prophecy, is it?” Teagan asked. She loathed prophecies. Ever since she found out she was the Scion of Clan O’Gara the blasted things had been lurking in her life like icebergs in a busy shipping lane.

“No, it is lore.” He said in a tone that slammed the door on further questions. “I must think carefully before saying anything else. Please allow me some time to consider what you’ve told me.”

He didn’t say anything for the rest of the trip, simply staring into the distance, lost in thought.

ooOoo

Around one o’clock they spotted another wing of chariots, escorted by free-flying pegasi headed directly toward them. Ragged cheering broke out when it was clear the inbound flight was the expected relief. Since they were passing over plains at that point Matt told Sergeant Stormwind to signal the expedition to land. When they headed down their relief flight followed them.

“Wing commander Wind Shear, Lieutenant.” The commander of the relief force saluted. Matt returned the salute.

“We’re very glad to see you, Wing Commander. I’ve got nine wing-lame pegasi and the rest are exhausted. I imagine Cuddles isn’t that far behind us, so if you brought any supplies I’d like to get my expedition fed and then back to Canterlot.”

“Understood. My orders are to return the expedition to Canterlot. You’ve been ordered to take a wing of chariots and put the Bearers into position to strike at Cuddles when it arrives. Should that fail you will evacuate the Bearers to Cloudsdale where they will be safe from the creature. You’ll have fresh pegasi for your mission, Lieutenant. They rode here in the chariots. We have enough pegasi and chariots to allow your pegasi to ride back, along with the other members of the expedition.”

Matt grinned.

“They’ll be happy to hear that!” He said. “Let me just say every pony in the expedition has been a credit to Equestria and the Crown, and I was glad to have every single one. My compliments to Princess Celestia.” He saluted the pegasus and left, shouting orders.

Soon the expedition and the relief force had reorganized themselves. The bulk took off to return to the capitol while the smaller force diverged to head for Cloudsdale.

ooOoo

Six hours later the bulk of Matt’s reduced command landed near the pegasus cloud city while a single chariot headed on to Ponyville so Pinkie could complete her mysterious errand.

Matt selected a hilltop that he estimated would be close to Cuddle’s anticipated path yet not likely to be directly in front of it. He advised the Bearers to get some rest.

They settled down and waited for the nightmare to begin.

Surprise!

View Online

In which we learn surprises are seldom expected.

Pinkie Pie insisted their first stop be Sugarcube Corner, where she bought the bribery cupcakes for Matt and the pegasi pulling the chariot. She also bought one for everyone waiting for Cuddles.

Including Cuddles. In fact, Cuddles got a huge cake. Teagan just closed her eyes and didn’t say a word.

The second stop was at the library, where they picked up a very surprised Spike. He was overjoyed he would be seeing Twilight soon, but asked all kinds of questions that Teagan and Pinkie couldn’t answer readily. Finally Teagan told him to just wait and see.

The last stop was Dr. Whooves workshop, where Pinkie insisted they wait in the chariot. She took her saddlebags with her and made Teagan, Spike and the guard pegasi Pinkie-swear not to peek. The guards obeyed stoically. Teagan shook her head once Pinkie went inside.

Surprisingly Pinkie was in and out in less than ten minutes.

“Was it ready?” Teagan asked as Pinkie bounced into the chariot.

“Yup. All done! Let’s go, guys!” She called to the guards, who silently wheeled the chariot around and trotted down the street, lifting smoothly into the air.

Pinkie hummed happily to herself and only giggled when Teagan prodded her on what the surprise was.

“Nope, you’ll just have to wait.” Pinkie said. “Don’t worry! It’ll be so worth it! Just trust Auntie Pinkie Pie!”

ooOoo

The reunion between Twilight and Spike made Teagan’s heart melt. She was an only child so didn’t know what it was like to have a sibling. The reunion between Twilight and Spike gave her a hint, however. The fact Spike was a dragon made absolutely no difference, watching the two of them made it absolutely clear he was Twilight’s little brother.

Matt cleared his throat as Spike settled down happily on Twilight’s back.

“All right, every one. We just had a dispatch from Canterlot. Cuddles is moving steadily and as far as they can predict it will be here around nine o’clock tomorrow morning.” Matt announced.

“We’re counting on the Elements of Harmony to turn Cuddles to stone, but if that fails we beat a hasty retreat to Cloudsdale, which should be out of Cuddles reach. I’m told it’s hovering a thousand feet above the ground, and if needs be can move higher. If it looks like Cuddles can attack Cloudsdale we retreat to Canterlot. Hopefully Cuddles will then follow us and leave Cloudsdale alone. Canterlot has some kind of magical shield that should keep Cuddles at bay while the princesses blast it. Any questions?”

“How do we know Cuddles is going to pass by this particular hill, Matt?” Twilight asked.

“We won’t know for sure until its closer.” Matt admitted. “We’ll move as needed. The pegasi can give us Cuddles’ exact course in plenty of time. What’s the maximum range of the Elements?”

“I don’t know.” Twilight said, blinking. “The furthest away we used them was around thirty feet.”

Matt frowned. “Each of Cuddle’s tentacles is three hundred feet long, Twilight. Thirty feet isn’t good enough. Any idea if you can stretch that?”

“Probably. But we’re still going to have to be closer than we’d like.” She said, biting her lip. “And it’s going to take time. We’ve never used the Elements on anything this big before.”

“How much time?” Matt asked neutrally.

“I don’t know. It took maybe 30 seconds with Discord.”

“Does the rainbow paralyze the target quickly?” Matt asked.

“I don’t think so.” She said, surprised. “It formed a tornado around Nightmare Moon and hit Discord full on. He didn’t stop moving until he turned to stone.”

“Meanwhile Cuddles eats you.” Matt said drily. “That’s not acceptable, Twilight. “Come on, we need a clever idea.”

“I’m sorry! I can’t just wave my horn and make Cuddles go away, all right?” Twilight snapped. “The last time we encountered anything gigantic that tried to eat us we ran! Cuddles is just too big!”

“Hang on, Sugarcube.” Applejack said soothingly. “We’ll think o’ somethin’. We always do.”

“Yeah, Twilight. You’re the smartest unicorn in all Equestria! You’ve outwitted some serious bad guys before!” Rainbow Dash chimed in. “Come up with a plan and the rest of us will back you, one hundred percent!”

“That’s just it, Rainbow Dash! There is no plan to deal with a monster that’s five hundred feet long! It’s impossible.” Twilight plopped down dejectedly, forcing Spike to slide down her back and sprawl on the ground.

“Hey!” He protested.

Matt broke the silence that followed.

“A wise man once said ‘nothing’s impossible if you’re crazy enough’. So if we can’t win by following the rules, it’s time to change the rules. Pinkie? Any ideas?”

“Yeah! We throw Cuddles a surprise party.” Pinkie said brightly.

“Any ideas that won’t get us eaten?” Rainbow Dash asked sarcastically.

“I’m serious, you guys! We need to throw that party.” Pinkie said stubbornly. “Of course we have to fix Cuddles first. We broke her, so it’s up to us to fix her. Then we throw her a welcome party and—”

“Pinkie! This is serious!” Twilight snapped. “No parties!”

“Wait a minute.” Teagan broke in. “Pinkie, why are you calling Cuddles her? And what do you mean we broke her?”

“That’s what Cerise said.” Pinkie said, sticking her tongue out at Twilight.”

“We are not listening to that—individual.” Rarity said firmly. “She completely lacks the slightest shred of civilized sensibilities!”

“Guys!” Pinkie said, exasperated. “You never listen! You didn’t listen to me during the parasprite invasion either! Or when I talked about the Doozy! Nobody ever listens to me! I know Cerise isn’t the nicest pony but—”

“Got that right.” Rainbow Dash snorted. “No offense Pinkie Pie but Cerise scared the wing feathers off me.”

“Cerise is a bad pony.” Fluttershy agreed, shivering.

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “I know she’s a bit—intense—but she really isn’t that bad! And she knew about Cuddles!”

Matt let out a piercing whistle that stopped the argument in its tracks.

“Time out. Pinkie, what do you mean she knew about Cuddles? She was asleep before Cuddles showed up.”

“No she wasn’t.” Pinkie said, relieved to have someone listen to her. “She’s asleep now but she told me the plan to blow up Tišina would only make things worse. It would just make her really mad.”

“So Tišina’s final act was to sic Cuddles on us?” Teagan asked Pinkie Pie. The pink pony shook her head.

“No, Teelo. Blowing up Tišina turned her into Cuddles!”

ooOoo

Princess Celestia blinked as a burst of green fire dropped a scroll at her hooves. She hadn’t expected a message from Spike, who (she believed) was still in Ponyville and wouldn’t have any reason to send a message. Curious, she opened it.

Dear Princess Celestia,

We have reason to believe that Cuddles is actually a magically transformed Tišina. This information comes from Pinkie Pie, who said she learned it from Cerise just before Matt destroyed Tišina’s body with the bombs.

Why Pinkie didn’t tell us this in the beginning I have no idea, but you know how Pinkie is. She says we have to ‘fix’ Cuddles and then throw her a party. Matt is taking her seriously.

Help!

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle

Celestia reread the message a second time, not quite believing what her student had written. Then she closed her eyes and stood thinking for a good fifteen minutes before composing her reply.

ooOoo

Twilight spun around as Spike convulsed, belching a burst of green fire. She grabbed the scroll before it had time to fall and opened it, scanning it eagerly.

She stiffened in shock, her ears folding back.

“What is it, Twi? What’s the Princess got ta say?” Applejack asked, seeing how depressed the purple unicorn had become.

Twilight sighed and started to read the message aloud.

“Dearest Twilight, while I understand your reservations about the information Pinkamena has revealed I do have faith in her, in you, and in Matthew. It is not impossible that Tišina was transformed into Cuddles, the amount of magic involved would be huge but that’s exactly what we observed during the magical draining incident, which covered an area two hundred miles in diameter.”

“Further, while Cerise may not be completely trustworthy she did provide us with invaluable information on Tišina’s plans and was instrumental in her defeat. I see no reason to doubt her word in this matter.”

“I do not know if Pinkamena’s intuition is correct, my faithful student, but she has proven herself in the past. My advice is to trust your heart and your friends. However, Matthew must make the final decision. He is in command.”

“Remember, my dear Twilight, in the end we can’t always know where the true path lies. But if we trust in our friends we have a much better chance of finding it. The six of you trust each other, and have faced grave odds in the past. Lady Teelo trusts Matthew, and I trust Lady Teelo. I also trust you, my faithful student. I place the fate of Equestria in your capable hooves yet again.”

“Signed, Her Highness Celestia, Princess of Equestria.”

Twilight looked at Pinkie with agonized eyes.

“Pinkie Pie, are you sure about this? Really, really sure? Can we trust Cerise? Do you really think we can fix Cuddles? And if Cuddles is Tišina, and we do manage to fix her, how do we keep her from trying to kill us if we throw her a party?”

Pinkie, uncharacteristically solemn, nodded.

“Cerise may not be the nicest pony, Twilight, but she never ever lies. She may not always be willing to make a promise, but like me she always keeps the ones she does make. She promised me she was telling the truth. We can use the Elements of Harmony to turn Cuddles back into Tišina. And it’s really, really important we give Tišina a party, otherwise I can’t give her the surprise present. And I gotta give her the surprise present.”

“Why?” Twilight asked, exasperated.

“Dunno.” Pinkie grinned. “But my twitches tell me if I don’t it will be super-duper bad for everypony.”

“What is the surprise present, Pinkie?” Matt asked.

“I can’t tell you, Silly!” Pinkie shook her head. “Cause if I did it wouldn’t be a surprise! And it’s gotta be a surprise.”

“You’re making this very difficult, Pinkie.” Matt said after a moment. “You’re asking us to risk our lives on your say-so.”

“Yup, yup!” She nodded. “But that’s what we do, Matt! We trust each other to keep everypony safe. Even if nopony ever listens to me.” She glared around at the other Bearers, who couldn’t meet her gaze.

“It’s like the Princess said in her letter. She trusts us to save everypony. We trusted Teelo and she saved Fluttershy and the rest of us. She trusted you and Evelyn, and the two of you helped save the Princess from Tišina. And now you gotta trust me, cause like Twilight said there’s no plan that can deal with Cuddles.”

Pinkie smiled at the soldier.

“And you also said nothing is impossible if you’re crazy enough! Well, this is Pinkie Pie Style, Matt! Is it crazy enough?”

“We’ll see.” Matt said. “As plans go, I have to say this is the craziest stunt I’ve ever heard of.”

He grinned, the grin of the truly deranged. Pinkie matched him, tooth for tooth.

ooOoo

Tišina paused, seeing something utterly unexpected on a hilltop to her right. It looked like a banner. Her new form’s vision wasn’t well suited for seeing small details, so she formed a new eye and extended an eyestalk over twice the length of her tentacles, until it was just a few feet from the object.

The eyeball blinked in confusion.

It was a banner. It read Welcome Home, Cuddles. Happy Anniversary Tišina!

There was a table covered with a linen tablecloth, set with several place settings, and a large cupcake on each plate. At the head of the table was an enormous cupcake, the size of most wedding cakes. Next to the enormous cake was a brightly wrapped box, topped with a red ribbon and bow.

What is this? Tišina wondered, never having seen a party before. Why did the creatures greet me? I’m here to destroy them!

“SURPRISE!”

A group of ponies jumped from behind trees and trotted forward. The eyeball turned to the newcomers, focusing on each in turn. She recognized them, but it wasn’t until she saw the pink pony that the eyeball recoiled slightly.

“Welcome to Equestria!” The pink pony wasn’t wearing that terrifying weapon—in fact none of the ponies were armed at all. The only reason Tišina didn’t charge to attack immediately was her bewilderment.

The ponies wore jewelry and had brightly colored ribbons tied in their manes, a couple even had bows on their tails. All of them were smiling warmly—as such creatures did when meeting each other.

Tišina was completely disorientated. Their behavior made absolutely no sense to her and even in this chaotic form she longed for order and logic.

“We haven’t treated you very nicely, have we?” The pink pony said, her smile disappearing. “I’m sorry about that, Cuddles. We’re gonna make it all better, I promise. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

Tišina had no idea what the pink pony was talking about. In this form she had nothing to fear from them, she could crush them in an instant. So she didn’t feel threatened when the jewelry started to glow and the six ponies lifted into the air.

“Don’t be scared, Tišina. Everything’s going to be ok. I promise.” The pink one said.

A massive surge of magic made the six ponies disappear into a white ball of light and a rainbow exploded from the top, arching over instantly to touch the eyestalk a foot or so behind the eye.

It is a little remarked law of magic that states every single thing is a thing, whole and complete unto itself. This is the basis for the laws of contagion and sympathy. The practical application of this was that the rainbow only had to touch part of Tišina to target all of Tišina.

While the power required to actually transform Cuddles was still enormous, to direct that power required only touching some part of her.

For example, an eyestalk…

Tišina started to sneer at the feeble magic engulfing her entire form. But something changed deep within her. She felt a rushing excitement, a rightness that kept her from resisting as she felt herself shrinking and changing. It wasn’t an attack because it wasn’t harming her. Something in her rejoiced at the changes.

When the magic ended she opened her two eyes, blue slit pupils set in ebony contracting in the bright morning light. Without thinking she stretched her wings outward to their full hundred and fifty foot spread, reveling in the feel of muscles and bones stretching, relieving a tension she hadn’t been consciously aware of. With a feeling of contentment she folded her wings.

The ponies had returned her beautiful body to her. She found herself sitting on the ground in front of the table, the six ponies now panting, their hooves firmly planted on the ground.

“Why have you done this?” Tišina asked, her voice a low slithery rumble.

“We broke you, so it was up to us to fix you.” The pink pony said, watching her with a smile. “Sorry about that, we didn’t understand at first. Of course neither did you, which is why you kidnapped the Princess, I guess. But everything’s going to be fine now. We even brought you a present to make everything better.”

“What is a present?” Tišina asked, still somewhat disoriented.

“There, next to your cake. I hope you like chocolate! I didn’t have a chance to check, but nearly everybody likes chocolate cake with butter cream icing! It’s yummy!”

Showing no signs of fear the pink pony trotted over to the table and sat down at the place on Tišina’s right, and picked up the small confection on her plate. She took a big bite and chewed enthusiastically.

“Mmm! Strawberry! Hey, go ahead and try yours!” The pony urged Tišina. “Come on, every pony, time to eat up!”

The other ponies slowly took their places at the table, watching Tišina from the corners of their eyes. Each slowly ate the cupcake on their plate.

The dragon eyed the (to her) small cake dubiously. When she’d originally designed her body she’d made sure it had all the senses necessary for the new realm, including that of taste. While technically she didn’t need to eat (sustenance was supplied by that part of her that still existed beyond the veil) she could eat. Theoretically, she might even enjoy the experience.

Cautiously she licked the cake. The novel sensation that coursed through her was actually pleasurable. She lifted the cake with her delicate (for dragon) fingers and clumsily shoved the entire thing in her mouth, making exaggerated chewing motions.

The explosion of flavor left her stunned. Every corner of her mouth reported a delightful deluge of impressions, leaving her oblivious to the outside world for several seconds.

“So, how did you like it?” The pink pony asked eagerly.

“It was—quite good.” Tišina admitted. “I have never tasted anything before. I shall have to continue the practice. It was quite enjoyable. Does everything taste like that?”

Pinkie Pie shook her head.

“Nope. Cakes and pies and candy are sweet, but they all taste different. Some things taste really yucky! Rocks and nettles, well I wouldn’t try those if I were you! Rocks are just too hard to eat and nettles burn. Apples are really good though! Hey, why don’t you open your present?”

“This square thing?” Tišina asked, picking it up. In her massive hand it was like a small ring box.

“Yeah, your present is inside.” Pinkie said, smiling. “Hope you like it.”

Tišina studied the tiny box, trying to figure out how to open it without damaging the contents. Finally she hooked one claw tip through the bow on the top and lifted the lid off. Turning the box over she dumped the contents into her other paw. It revealed a glittering silver ball. As Tišina raised her paw to get a closer look the ball suddenly exploded, throwing a fine blue powder straight into her face. Surprised, she sneezed, drawing the powder into her lungs with her next reflexive breath. She wheezed, and coughed once.

“Why did it do that?” She asked the pink pony, who laid something long and silvery on the table.

“Because it’s better this way, Tišina. You wouldn’t like Equestria, it’s way too different from what you’re used to. Don’t worry, you’re just going to sleep. It won’t hurt, and you won’t dream. I’ll make sure the Princess puts you next to your brother so the two of you can stay together forever. You’ll like that, right?”

Tišina felt a tingling in her chest. With a detached sense of horror she realized she was losing control of her power, it was starting to solidify.

“You tricked me!” Tišina staggered to her feet. She was already losing feeling in her feet and tail.

“You were a big Meanie, Tišina. You tried to hurt the Princess! Nobody hurts the Princess while I’m around. Besides, you really will be happier this way. No more fighting, no more movement. Everything will be absolutely still. Isn’t that what you always wanted?”

Tišina’s thoughts were slowing. Her tail had already stiffened into immobility. Her legs were locked into position. She looked down at the pink pony who gazed up at her sadly.

“Sorry, Tišina. It would have been a lot fun being friends with you. But you just don’t play well with others.”

Tišina could feel the world slowing now. Everything was growing still. She let out one last breath. How strange, the ponies had won. She was going to spend eternity frozen inside a shell of her own power.

At least it was peaceful. Tišina closed her eyes and let the stillness take her.

Pinkie Pie watched the wave of green glossy ice close around Tišina’s head. She sighed, and turned away, head drooping.

“Pinkie, what did you do?” Twilight asked, gaping up at the green ice statue that was staring down at the table. “What was that powder?”

“Poison joke.” Pinkie said. “I had Dr. Whooves and Zecora gather as much as they could and grind it into powder. Then Dr. Whooves filled a sack with it and put enough fireworks inside to make it burst open and spray the powder. We put it in a silver ball to fool Tišina.”

“Poison joke! We’re gonna get all weird and stuff! I hated flying upside down!” Rainbow Dash backed rapidly away from the table.

“Don’t worry, everypony will be fine.” Pinkie said calmly. “Zecora’s antidote was in the cream filling of the cupcakes you just ate. No more upside down flying.”

“Why did it turn her into stone, Pinkie? And how did you know to do it?” Twilight asked.

“Cerise told me.” Pinkie said. “Discord made poison joke in case Tišina ever woke up.”

“How did she know?” Twilight asked suspiciously.

“Cause she and Discord used to be pals.” Pinkie said. “See, when Discord gave me my saddlebags he slipped Cerise in too, to mess up our chances of using the Elements of Harmony. She was supposed to be the backup plan.”

“Wait, Cerise works for Discord?” Rarity asked, aghast. “Pinkie how could you? You know how dangerous he is!”

“What do you mean Discord slipped Cerise in with your saddlebags? That doesn’t make any sense!” Twilight complained.

“Well, see, Cerise isn’t a pony, Twilight. She’s like Nightmare. She’s a demon.”

Twilight sank to her knees in shock.

“Oh sweet Celestia!” Rarity swore softly, her eyes widening.

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! Pinkie’s possessed.” Rainbow Dash gibbered.

“What can we do ta help ya, Pinkie? We’ll do anythin’! You jes’ name it!” Applejack said with wide eyes. Fluttershy didn’t say anything, but she wasn’t freaking out either. In fact she was the calmest of the Bearers, watching the rest of them with a bemused look on her face.

“Would you guys relax?” Pinkie said, laughing. “Cerise is cool. She was gonna try and make me all evil and stuff, but I convinced her it would be more fun to come over to my side. She’s been riding around in my head ever since. She never did like Discord or Nightmare very much.”

Pinkie lowered her voice conspiratorially.

“Don’t tell her I said this, but I think she’s just plain lazy. Discord was wearing her out, and Nightmare was so serious all the time. She was happy to shack up with me just to get away from them. We’ve gotten to be bestest friends since then.”

“How come you never mentioned Cerise before, Pinkie?” Twilight demanded.

“Well, you guys never asked. Besides, Cerise sleeps almost all the time. She says she’s making up for all the sleep she’s lost over the last five thousand years.”

“This is too weird.” Rainbow Dash grumbled. “Even for Pinkie this is just too weird.”

“Um, Cerise doesn’t bother anypony.” Fluttershy spoke up. “Like Pinkie says she’s always asleep. Can’t we just, you know, leave her alone?”

“You knew about Cerise, Fluttershy?” Rarity demanded.

“Um, well, yes, yes I did. Pinkie told me when she came over for lunch one day. I was really concerned for a few days, but, well, you know how Pinkie is. She wasn’t acting any different that I could see, so I just decided not to say anything. That was a long time ago and Cerise hasn’t bothered anyone. So let’s just let her be. Live and let live, I always say.”

“You do?” Rainbow Dash asked, puzzled.

“Oh, yes! It’s my motto.” Fluttershy nodded.

“I thought your motto was ‘run and hide’?” Rainbow Dash said with a raised eyebrow.

“I may not be the bravest pony, Rainbow Dash, but I never try to make trouble for others. If Cerise wants to sleep why shouldn’t we let her?” Fluttershy said. “She’s not hurting anypony.”

The looming argument was cut short when Matt and Teagan jogged up to the ponies. Matt stared calmly at Tišina’s statue while Teagan held an unsheathed Crush, staring at Tišina’s statue uneasily.

“That’s quite a surprise you got there, Pinkie.” He said, switching his gaze to the pink pony.

“Yeah. I hated to do it, but she was too big a Meanie.” Pinkie said, sighing. “She’d try to hurt somepony or maybe try to end the world again. It’s really sad. It would have been so cool to be friends with a full grown dragon, you know? Like Rolig and Skifer?”

“Is her condition permanent?” Matt asked.

Pinkie nodded. “That’s what Cerise said. Of course the Princess could release her the same way she did the ponies in Rockton, but I don’t think she’ll ever do that.”

“No, she probably wouldn’t.” Matt said, chuckling. “We should probably be getting back to Canterlot.”

“Okie-dokie-lokie. Just let me clean up first. You guys go on ahead, I can handle this.” Pinkie said.

“I don’t know if we should leave you alone with her, Sugarcube.” Applejack protested. “Sides, won’t it go faster with more hooves?”

“Nah, thanks for the offer but Cerise said it would be forever, and I believe her. Besides, I’d like a little time to myself, okay?” Pinkie’s eyes were just a little brighter than they should have been and her smile looked a trifle forced.

“Ok, Pinkie, but if ya needs anythin’, ya call out, ya hear?” Applejack said reluctantly. “We’ll be right in those trees.”

“Thanks, AJ.” Pinkie said, turning to clear the table.

ooOoo

Fifteen minutes later Pinkie came back to the chariots. Rather than boarding the chariot with Teagan which had been her habit she asked Matt if she could ride with him. Twilight and Spike switched places to make room.

“Matt, can I ask you something?” Pinkie said after they’d been in the air for a couple of minutes.

“Sure, Pinkie, what is it?” Matt asked. He leaned back against the front of the chariot, relaxing.

“It’s about how I tricked Tišina. That was really mean—wasn’t it?” She looked like she wanted to cry. “I mean, we were having cake and I could tell she really liked it, and then—I turned her to stone. I know she was a Meanie and she hurt a lot of ponies. But it didn’t feel like the right thing to do. Did Cerise trick me into doing something bad?”

Her eyes were pleading. Matt took his time answering.

“I think Cerise did what had to be done Pinkie. Did she tell you something else was going to happen?”

“No.” Pinkie lay down on her pillow. “She said it would make Tišina’s magic backfire and turn her solid, just like when Tišina stabbed somepony.”

“Did she force you to do it?” Matt asked patiently.

“No.” Pinkie hung her head. “I agreed to do it. But I didn’t know it would feel this bad. Matt, I’m afraid I did something I shouldn’t have. You know how that feels, don’t you?”

“Yeah. I know.” He said quietly.

“How do you deal with it? How do you make it go away?”

“You don’t. You shouldn’t even try, Pinkie. Sometimes we have to do things to save others—bad things. Things we’re ashamed of. Things we never tell anyone else about. Right now it hurts, I know. The pain will fade, but you should never try to forget it. Because knowing that feeling keeps you from being too quick to do it again. That’s what separates the good guys from the bad guys.”

“Yeah, but how can you tell the good guys and the bad guys apart, Matt? I don’t know how!”

“Sure you do, Pinkie.” He said gently. “You knew Tišina was a bad guy. She tried to destroy the world. You don’t get much badder than that. If you really can’t tell, trust your friends. Twilight is a pretty good judge of character. Fluttershy’s no slouch, either. The best bet is never being too quick to judge. Talk it over with your friends before doing anything you’d regret doing if you were wrong. Oh, and take what Cerise says with a grain of salt. She’s got some serious anger management issues.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Pinkie said after a while. “Would you do me a favor, Matt?”

“What is it?”

“Would you ask Princess Celestia not to make a big deal out of Tišina’s defeat? It wouldn’t be right to celebrate and get all those medals and stuff like we did for Discord. I’m not happy that we had to trick her like that. It wasn’t like Discord, you know? Both times we fought him it was a fair fight. We earned it. This felt—dishonest. Dirty. I’m ashamed of myself for what I did.”

Matt sat and thought for several minutes. Pinkie didn’t say anything.

“Sometimes it’s hard, Pinkie. In my world lots of innocent people die when some madman decides he wants to invade a neighboring country, or settle old scores by butchering a bunch of people he hates but never met.”

“It was my job to make things right. Take out the madman, let people get on with their lives. Somehow it was never that simple. You’d shoot a bad guy only to find out he had a wife and kids and now the kids hate your guts and they’re going to grow up hating you and everything you stand for. But if you hadn’t done what you did more innocents would have died. The cycle never ends.”

“Here it was different. You didn’t kill anyone. You just put her to sleep, and theoretically she can still wake up. She probably never will but she could. When I put someone down they never get up again, Pinkie. Not ever. There’s no possibility they ever could.”

“That makes what you did pale in comparison. And let’s face it. If you hadn’t stopped Cuddles a lot of ponies would have died, more would have been hurt, and there would have been massive property damage. Even turning Cuddles back into Tišina wouldn’t have kept her from hurting your friends. Hell, she turned everyone in your home town to stone. If that had happened in my world it would have meant they were dead.”

“You didn’t hurt her. There wasn’t any pain. I was watching through my scope. It was quiet and it was gentle. Better than she deserved, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, but I tricked her! That wasn’t right. I lied to her. I told her everything would be better. I Pinkie-swore.” Pinkie started crying.

“Everything is better.” Matt pointed out. “The ponies get to live. See, here’s the thing, Pinkie. By doing what she did Tišina was trying to take their lives from them. From everyone. Now me, I’m a live and let live kind of guy. You want to do your thing, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone else then hey, go for it. But if you go out of your way to hurt people? Then I’m not so easy going.”

“What I’m trying to say here, Pinkie, is that you did good. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you kept her from hurting anyone else. And you did it without hurting Tišina. You did the impossible. Congratulations.”

“Really?” Pinkie didn’t look any happier.

“Really.” Matt smiled. “You want a hug?”

“YES!” She bawled and collapsed on him. He grunted, finding it hard to breathe from a combination of her weight and the way she was squeezing him with her forelegs. He hugged her firmly, patting her back.

ooOoo

“I’m worried about Pinkie Pie, Teelo.” Twilight said as Spike snored between them.

“What’s worrying you? Cerise or Tišina?” Teagan asked quietly, careful not to wake up the little dragon.

“Both, actually.” Twilight replied. “Cerise has been in Pinkie’s head since we defeated Discord! That was two years ago. And she never told us. Cerise is a demon, Teelo.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much. It sounds like Pinkie possessed Cerise instead of the other way around. As scary as she is Cerise is on our side. She likes Pinkie, remember? And she never offered to hurt any of us.”

“You can’t trust demons.” Twilight said darkly.

“The same way you can’t trust zebras?” Teagan asked gently. Twilight winced.

“That’s different! Zecora’s not evil. Cerise is.”

“I suspect Cerise isn’t so much evil as lazy.” Teagan disagreed. “I mean, yeah when Pinkie went searching for Garnet and left Cerise in charge she went postal on Tišina, but if I’d been in her position I might have done exactly the same thing. I did try to kill Discord. Twice, if you remember. Am I evil?”

“No, of course not!” Twilight replied, shocked. “You attacked Discord to keep him from torturing Fluttershy.”

“Not the first time. Remember the fake Discord? I smashed his throat in with Crush before I knew it was a decoy.”

Twilight frowned.

“You were trying to stop a threat. Cerise was just after revenge. She told us that.”

“The last time I was here I didn’t know what killing someone really meant.” Teagan said quietly. “Sun Hammer showed me how to kill, but not what it meant. When I went after Discord that first time I did it because he hurt Princess Celestia. I did it because he kidnapped me. I did it because I saw the six of you lying on the ground and I thought you were dead. I did it to protect everyone. But I also did it for revenge.”

“And the second time?” Twilight asked, her ears coming forward.

“To save Fluttershy. But when he was lying there with a broken neck, and he couldn’t move, I tried to kill him because I was so incredibly angry with him for daring to hurt me and my friends. If Princess Celestia had been even one second later I would have murdered him. Not executed him. Not killed him. Murdered him. I was this close.” She held her thumb and forefinger less than an eighth of an inch apart.

“Cerise didn’t try to kill Tišina. She just cut her tentacles off and scared the devil out of her. It wasn’t that big a deal because Tišina regenerates. So by Cerise’s standards she was showing remarkable restraint. I think being in Pinkie’s head corrupted the demon.” She chuckled. “Besides, you tend to obsess too much. Cerise is asleep. Let her stay that way. Pinkie is Pinkie. She’ll always be the party-pony, the Bearer of Laughter. Even as random as she is she won’t let you down. Have faith in her.”

“You’re right.” Twilight perked up. “If I can’t trust my friends, who can I trust?”

“That’s the spirit!” Teagan nodded.

They landed ten minutes later. Pinkie was her old self again, laughing and chatting with her friends, Twilight included as they went into the castle to tell Celestia what had happened.

Loose Ends

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In which we discover there is no happily ever after.

As they entered the castle Faerie Mist intercepted them and she did not look happy. She just bade them follow her to Princess Luna’s chambers and marched off without waiting to see if they would follow.

“What’s going on?” Twilight Sparkle asked worriedly. “The threat is over, Tišina’s been dealt with.”

“The threat from Tišina is over.” Faerie Mist growled.

“There’s another threat?” Twilight asked in bewilderment.

“Oh yes. There’s always another threat, Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia needs all of you to help deal with this one.” The pegasus replied as she stalked along angrily. “You’re the last to arrive, so now we can hopefully resolve this once and for all.”

“Resolve what?” Twilight asked plaintively.

“I’m not at liberty to say.” Faerie Mist said. “But trust me. Once we arrive I won’t have to say anything.” The last word was snarled.

The pegasus had set a stiff pace, making Teagan almost break into a run to keep up. That was why they reached Luna’s chambers before many more questions could be asked and ignored.

Teagan was surprised but pleased to see Sun Hammer standing in the corridor waiting for them. The large pony responded to her glomping with a chuckle and an affectionate nuzzling.

“Ready yerself, lassie. Twill nae be couthie, the brae before us.” Sun Hammer said as they separated.

“Huh?” Teagan asked. “I didn’t understand a word of that.”

“The Troll King be here, lass. Sitting wi’ the Princesses beyond this door. He demands tae see the twa o’ us. Tae settle awthing.”

“Settle how?” Teagan asked, heart sinking.

“Dinnae ken.” Sun Hammer shook his head. “Reckon he owes us fer Cuddles an’ Tišina. An mayhap ye owe him fer Crush.”

Teagan sighed. “I had hoped to avoid this.”

“Aye. But truly the reckonin’ be late, so it be. Debts need payin’. Cannae lay fallow for e’er, ye ken?”

“I ken.” Teagan took a deep breath. “Matt, I have a feeling things might get a little tense. Especially if he demands Crush back. But I’m gonna try to keep it diplomatic.”

“Your track record for diplomacy kinda sucks, Squirt.” Matt said in a serious voice. “Stay frosty. This is a king you’re going to talk to. A troll king. You piss him off he might actually try to kill you. Then the ponies will pile in and it’s bye-bye peaceful coexistence, hello hell on earth.”

“So, no pressure then.” Teagan said sarcastically.

He grinned, that special crazy grin. “Nope. Make me proud, Squirt. Twilight, you and your friends stay out of this. I know your instinct is to help Teelo, but this is something she needs to do by herself. As for you, Sun Hammer—” He paused. “—just try not to kill anybody.”

Sun Hammer snorted in amusement.

“Dinnae fash yourself, Matthew. Oh aye, Himself will blaw an bluster, aw thunder an fury, wi’ flashin’ teeth aplenty but nary a real nibble tae be found. He knows troll law dinnae hold here, but twill act like it dae. A ken the gemme, Matthew. Twa can play, so they can.”

He turned and nodded to the two unicorn door guards. Their horns lit up and the door opened.

Inside they found the two princesses, the Snøskred, the Alene, a second troll dressed like the Alene, and a gigantic troll that towered a full head above the Snøskred. Oddly there was no sign of Evelyn or Subtle Dancer.

The giant troll was dripping in gold; his harness glittered with inlaid gems. On his head was a strange golden helmet that left his face and the top of his head bare. She had no doubt this was the troll king. His expression turned thunderous on catching sight of them, although he said nothing.

Behind them the doors swung shut.

“Welcome back, everyone.” Princess Celestia said warmly, coming to her hooves. Still scowling the troll king also rose, forcing everyone else to rise as well.

“We received word of Tišina’s defeat. I am delighted the threat has ended and relieved that none of you were hurt in the process. I am very grateful you saved Equestria and kept my little ponies safe. Thank you so much for what you have done!”

The words were simple, but the alicorn’s smile was warm and genuine

“Now that the threat of Tišina has been dealt with I fear other matters have arisen. Before you enjoy a well deserved rest we must settle them. Beside me stands Kongen Fjell, the king of all trolls. To his right is Alene Avgrunn, his advisor. I will allow the Kongen to explain.” Princess Celestia took a full step back.

The Kongen glared at them.

“I speak only to Sun Hammer, murderer of my father, and Lady Teagan, thief of Mountain Heart.” He snarled. “I hold the others standing before me blameless But you criminals, hear me and mark my words well!”

Teagan felt herself flush with anger, but she forced herself to relax, the endless hours of taming her temper coming to the fore. She reminded herself Sun Hammer had killed the troll’s father and the ponies had taken Crush, which didn’t belong to them, and then given it to her, technically making her the recipient of stolen property.

“I acknowledge my debt to you,” The Kongen said through gritted teeth. “Alene Dalen and Snøskred Mot Lyn both revealed your part in ending a grievous threat to every living creature in this world. Had not Tišina been defeated nothing would have survived. Indeed, our prophecies foretold the end of the world at her claws. That you averted the prophecy is a miracle. The world owes you its life and I am in your debt.”

“Sun Hammer, to pay my debt I will no longer seek your death. I do not forgive what you did, but neither I, nor any troll living today, nor any troll born in the future, will ever seek revenge for the deed you did that day.”

“Lady Teagan, for your part in this you may have any boon within my power, save one. You must return Mountain Heart to me right now.”

The troll stood glaring at her, waiting.

“Any boon?” Teagan raised an eyebrow. The troll king nodded.

“Any boon, save Mountain Heart itself.” He affirmed.

“Then I know what I want. I want you to let me tell you the truth.” She said. “That is the boon I ask.”

She saw both the Snøskred and Alene Dalen stiffen. The king’s advisor glanced at them and his eyes immediately flicked back to her. Teagan was too busy staring down the troll king to notice, but Matt did.

“I am always open to the truth, Lady Teagan.” The Kongen said after a moment. “Surely you would not waste your boon on something I would give you anyway.”

“Princess Celestia, do you know a spell that prevents someone from lying?” Teagan asked, still watching the king.

“I do.” The princess said.

“Kongen, if I ask her to cast that spell on me would you trust that she’d actually done it?” Teagan asked him.

He glanced at his advisor.

“I would recognize such a spell and its target. Further, I will know the instant the spell ends.” The small troll said, watching Teagan with interest.

“Very well.” The Kongen said. “Why would you do this, Lady Teagan?”

“Because you have to believe every word I’m about to tell you. Princess, if you’d be so kind?”

“As you wish, Lady Teelo.” Celestia’s horn glowed for a moment, and Teagan felt something like an electric current prickle her skin.

The sensation wasn’t unpleasant and it faded after a few moments.

“The spell is in place.” The alicorn announced. “Lady Teelo will be unable to lie until I release the magic.”

“I concur.” The king’s advisor nodded.

“So. What is this truth I must believe?” The troll king asked curiously, no longer scowling.

“Crush, the club you call Mountain Heart is not property. It isn’t a thing you can own. Crush is a sentient being. I didn’t steal it. I asked it to help me and it chose to do so, of its own free will. For the rest of my life, Your Majesty. It will not serve you. It told me that.”

“It told you?” The Kongen looked shocked. He turned to his advisor. “Is the spell working? Is she telling the truth?”

“She is, sire.” The Alene was visibly shocked as well.

“Bevis Mot Lyn! Did you know of this?” The troll king demanded angrily.

“Only for the last day, Your Majesty.” The Snøskred replied. “I was still contemplating the implications before I told you. Mountain Heart has become one with her.”

“Wait, what?” Teagan blinked. “What are you talking about?”

“She truly does not know, Your Majesty.” Alene Avgrunn spoke up, watching Teagan with deepening interest.

“Know what? What do you mean Crush has become one with me?” Teagan demanded, exasperated.

“Tell me, Lady Teagan, do you hear Mountain Heart’s voice in your mind?” Alene Avgrunn asked mildly. “Can you see its eyes?”

“Of course. I’ve been able to ever since Crush agreed to serve me. So?” Teagan asked, not seeing the big deal. It was a magic club. That explained any weirdness as far as she was concerned.

The king and his advisor exchanged an incredulous glance.

“She has no idea what she has done, Your Majesty. Her confusion is genuine.” Alene Avgrunn confirmed.

“Will somebody please tell me what’s going on?” Teagan demanded. Luna and Celestia watched silently, although a small smile was playing around Celestia’s muzzle. Luna’s eyes were sparkling.

“You have bonded with Mountain Heart.” The king said wonderingly. “You are a hero who has saved the world and become one with Mountain Heart. Yet you are not a troll.”

“Hey, I had lots and lots of help saving the world! Not to mention I got lucky.” Teagan said hastily, not liking the direction this conversation was taking.

“The arrangements should be made quickly, Your Majesty.” His advisor said. “As soon as we can return to the mountains.”

“Of—of course.” The troll king was looking at her with a combination of wonder and—revulsion? Teagan definitely didn’t like the vibes coming off him.

“Ok, look. This is obviously some troll thing that I haven’t got a clue about. How about one of you explain it to me? Using small words?” Teagan asked, feeling her temper starting to fray.

“We must wed.” The troll king said flatly. “It is the only solution to this—situation.”

The silence was deafening.

“Yay! Teelo’s going to be a queen!” Pinkie squealed with delight. “Dibs on throwing the Royal Wedding Reception!”

ooOoo

Matt tensed in case violence was about to ensue. He needn’t have worried. Teagan was too busy gaping at the troll king in disbelief. The silence continued as the king gazed at Teagan and the girl just stared back with her mouth open.

She finally recovered.

“Did a rock fall on your head?” She screeched. “Are you insane? You’re a troll! I’m a human! How exactly do you think that’s going to work? No! No, I won’t marry you! Besides, I couldn’t if I wanted to. I’m not an adult yet!”

“You are Dronning Av Fjellet. The Queen of the Mountain. Queen of all trolls. I have said this.” Alene Avgrunn spoke in a slow deep voice. “As such it is only natural you should marry the Kongen.”

“And how exactly am I the troll queen, Alene? I’m human. Look at me! He weighs ten times what I do and he’s twice as tall!” Teagan threw up her hands in exasperation that was rapidly turning to fury. “This place is crazy. First I’m some kind of scion of my clan, and everybody and their uncle calls me Lady Teagan! Now I’m queen of the freaking trolls? What’s next? Some angel comes down from heaven and announces I’m a goddess? Last time I looked I was just a high school girl in trouble way over her head, trying to save her friends and not get killed doing it!”

“Lady Teagan, may I explain?” Alene Dalen spoke up.

“Yes! Please.” Teagan spun to face him.

“You bonded with Mountain Heart. You have become one with it. That means you can speak with it and see its eyes in your soul. Only the king or queen has that power. By bonding with it you have proven you are the queen. For if you were not, you could not have bonded. The truth of it is undeniable.”

He bowed. “Your Majesty, Mountain Heart is inextricably intertwined with your soul. Only death will sever the bond.”

Teagan blanched, truly frightened. She hadn’t been terribly religious before being abducted, but she’d spent a lot of time praying since then. The thought of something wrapped around her soul horrified her.

She was possessed. Crush had possessed her!

Just like Cerise had Pinkie…and Crush was at least as amoral as Cerise. She knew Crush didn’t care who it killed, or even if it killed. It was a weapon and didn’t bother itself about good or evil. That was her job. She suddenly remembered how it had urged her to kill the Snøskred.

Just like demons were famous for doing. Oh boy.

“Your Majesty, you must understand the Kongen did not pursue Mountain Heart from revenge or greed. Nor is it merely a symbol of his kingship. In fact trolls do not deal well with symbolism. We find it confusing and dangerous. No, when trolls named your club Mountain Heart they were being quite literal.”

“I don’t understand.” Teagan said after a moment.

“The main cavern in the troll city of Hejm is very large and magnificent, Your Majesty. It is over three miles long and two hundred feet tall. It is not a natural cavern, however. It is, in fact, the hole left when Mountain Heart was made. That’s why your club is named Mountain Heart. Because that’s what it is. Literally, the heart of a mountain. As such, it is the soul of troll civilization, it is our crowning achievement.”

Teagan shook her head to clear it.

“Wait. There’s who knows how many tons of rock inside Crush? Three miles worth?”

“Yes.” The Alene said simply.

“You have said this?” She asked, not really knowing what else to say.

“I have said this.” He replied.

“Forgive us for intruding, Alene Avgrunn, but would we be correct in assuming that thou art an expert on troll law?” Princess Luna spoke for the first time.

“I am, Your Highness.” The Alene bowed his head.

“Does troll law demand that the King and the Queen actually be married?” Luna’s face was serene, her tone innocent.

The Alene started to answer, and then paused. His face grew thoughtful.

“I know of no law that states the King and Queen must be wed. It has simply always been so. The wielder of Mountain Heart rules and their spouse is the other monarch.”

“Yet, and forgive us for we obviously do not know the intricacies of troll law, if it is not written then is it the law?” Luna asked, voice still level, expressing only polite curiosity.

“It is not, Your Highness.” Alene Avgrunn admitted.

“There is also the matter of an heir.” Princess Celestia said musingly. Teagan flinched and the troll king winced. Matt kept his face carefully blank, mindful that laughing would not be helpful…

“Happily, there is a well defined procedure to cover that eventuality.” Alene Avgrunn said smoothly. “Adoption is acceptable where the sovereigns cannot have children of their own.”

“Forgive us if we stray into sensitive matters,” Luna continued, “but should Her Majesty return to her own world, is it not also true nothing prevents His Majesty from taking a wife as consort, thus providing an heir to the throne while Her Majesty attends to other matters?”

“That—is lawful.” The Alene’s face held the ghost of a smile.

“Further, if we may be so bold, should Her Majesty’s duties prevent her from returning to Hejm for several decades, troll law allows the King to rule in her absence?”

“Also true.”

“Then may we respectfully suggest the matter has resolved itself?” Luna asked politely.

“It would seem so, Your Highness. My thanks for your insight. You have been most helpful.” Avgrunn bowed to the blue alicorn, who dipped her head in response.

“The matter is not resolved.” The Kongen said with a growl. Everyone looked at him in surprise.

“This is not honorable, Avgrunn!” He snapped. “It is trickery and deceit!”

“Your Majesty, may I speak?” Teagan asked.

“Of course, my queen.” He said, nodding his head respectfully. Teagan winced but plowed on before things got any more out of hand.

“Do you really want to marry me?” She asked.

“My desires are irrelevant, my queen. It is always a question of what is best for the kingdom.” He said stiffly.

“By your laws, as the wielder of Crush, I’m the ruler of the trolls, right?”

“You are.” He nodded.

“You’ve been trained from birth to be king. You know the laws. You know how trolls think. You’ve been ruling for years already. But, if I demanded it, you would have to renounce the throne wouldn’t you? Do you really think that would be in the best interest of the trolls?”

“I do not.” He answered, watching her carefully.

“Then why are you fighting this? It’s the best solution for the trolls. I don’t know how to be a queen. I can barely keep my room clean, much less run a kingdom! But you’re telling me the law says I have to be the queen. Ok, fine, I’m the queen. But let me be the queen living in my world while the king safeguards his subjects here in this one. Isn’t that your duty? To guard your kingdom from harm?”

“To guard our kingdom, my queen.” He corrected. Then he sighed.

“The Princess has not released her spell, so I know you must speak the truth. How is it that the truth can sound so much like a lie?”

Straightening, he turned to Princess Celestia.

“I would ask you cast the truth spell upon me as well, Princess. My queen and I need to confer in private, and it must be as equals, each of us trusting the other speaks only truth.”

“Of course, Your Majesty.” Her horn lit up, but Alene Avgrunn stepped between them.

“Your Majesty, is this wise? Allowing a pony to cast a spell on you?”

“It may not be wise, my friend, but it is what must be. Stand aside.” The troll king said sternly.

“As you command, Kongen Fjell.” The Alene bowed and stepped back.

ooOoo

“Would you care for something to drink, my queen?” The troll king asked politely.

“No, thank you. By the way, it makes me a little uncomfortable for you to say ‘my queen’ like that. It sounds—romantic. I want to keep our relationship friendly, but purely professional.” Teagan said.

The two of them were in the conference room of the Ghrian Suite an hour later. Apparently protocol demanded the king’s entourage occupy the suite. However, Teagan was now the troll queen (at least technically) so she was keeping her room in the suite as well, while the Bearers were given other quarters.

Frankly she’d rather have roomed with Fluttershy. The situation was uncomfortable enough without having to share a suite with a troll who had expected her to marry him…

“As you wish, Dronning Teagan.” The king said smoothly. “I must confess some relief that we will not actually have to marry. I would do so for the good of the kingdom but—”

“Yeah. I imagine I’m pretty hideous by troll standards.” Teagan chuckled.

“You are so—tiny.” The king admitted. “Fragile. I would be afraid to even touch you, lest you shatter like sugar crystal. Although your nose is quite attractive.”

“My nose? Jeez, my nose is huge! It’s the thing I hate most about my face. I really like my eyes though.”

“Trolls do not find eyes that attractive.” The king said. “A strongly boned face, a large shapely nose—these things mark a comely female.”

“I can’t say you’re handsome by human standards, Your Majesty.” Teagan said carefully. “But I can say you’re really impressive. If I had to describe you with one word it would be powerful.”

“That is a compliment among trolls.” He smiled. “But enough of pleasantries, Dronning Teagan. There are things about you I must know, and surely you have questions for me as well. We should build a foundation of trust now, while the magic lasts. You did well to have the Princess cast the truth spell on you. I doubt I could have believed you otherwise.”

“Trolls value honesty a lot, don’t they?” Teagan asked.

“Of course. Humans do not?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “Are members of your species liars then?”

“Oh my God! You have no idea.” Teagan shook her head. “I mean, sure, there are some humans that would never lie. But most of us do it all the time. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to meet someone who means what they say and isn’t afraid to tell it like it is, consequences be damned. I loved the way you insisted on having a truth spell cast on you. You didn’t have to do that. But I’m glad you did. Thank you.”

“We must meet as equals, you and I.” The king replied. “If the wielder of Mountain Heart dared a pony’s magic I could do no less. In all truth, this makes it easier to do what we must. What are your intentions toward the trolls, Dronning Teagan?”

“I want the trolls and the ponies to be friends, Your Majesty. No more feuding. I trust Princess Celestia. She doesn’t want to hurt the trolls. She wants for ponies what you want for trolls. To keep them safe. But if trolls attacked Equestria she would fight. And that would be a tragedy for both sides.”

“The fight against Tišina proved that ponies and trolls can work together. Without the trolls Tišina would have won. But the pegasi saved us all from Cuddles. Unicorn magic found Tišina and helped defeat her. The earth ponies were the backbone of the expedition. Without them we wouldn’t have been able to move those bombs fast enough.”

“That’s what I want. Peace. Cooperation. Not fighting.” Teagan said firmly.

“Well said, Dronning Teagan. How is it that the wielder of Mountain Heart is so well disposed to the ponies? Surely as the troll queen you should champion the trolls?”

“The ponies saved my life.” Teagan said. “Princess Celestia personally kept me from bleeding to death. Fluttershy took me in and tended me, even though to her I was a big scary monster. The Bearers fought with me to save the world from Discord. Rarity made these clothes I’m wearing, even though I couldn’t pay her, just because I needed them. Ponies are nice, Your Majesty. But they aren’t weak. I’m thinking you could do much worse than having Princess Celestia as an ally.”

“Yet Princess Celestia is the cause of my father’s death.” The king said darkly. “Though Sun Hammer struck the fatal blow the ponies wouldn’t have been there if the Princess hadn’t brought them.”

“Sun Hammer said she was doing something to safeguard the world.” Teagan said. “I don’t know exactly what it was but I’m sure if you asked her she’d explain. If you want my opinion the real culprit in that sorry mess was the troll councilor.”

“What?” The king asked, surprised.

“I asked the Alene to tell me the troll’s side of the story. He said I wouldn’t know the names so he didn’t give me any, but he said one of the council members used the pony’s presence to even old scores. He arranged matters so the king had to drive off the ponies. Since they proved too strong to drive away, the Alene said the king was honor bound to kill Princess Celestia.”

The king’s eyes narrowed.

“I have studied the records of that day, Dronning Teagan until they are burned into my soul. If you have any clue I can use to know which council member arranged for my father’s death, then give it to me.” He growled.

“The Alene said the council member hadn’t done anything illegal. He says nobody on either side imagined Sun Hammer would kill your father. But from the way Sun Hammer described it, it was a fight to the finish. And they both knew it.”

“My father only wielded Mountain Heart in battle when he had no other choice. If he used it against Sun Hammer then yes, he intended to kill him.” The troll agreed.

“I’m going to say something you may not want to hear about Crush.” Teagan warned him.

“Surely I know Mountain Heart better than you do?” The king smiled. “I have studied the lore surrounding Mountain Heart since I was a child. Nothing you say could surprise me.”

Teagan shook her head. “Want to bet? Did you know Crush is a demon?”

The king stiffened.

“What do you mean?” He asked carefully.

“I don’t know that for certain, but it sure acts like one. On the flight back to Canterlot the Snøskred asked me a question that might have been interpreted as a threat. Crush told me I should kill him. Now I know Crush is a weapon, and that’s what weapons do. But Crush has the same lack of morals as the two other demons I’ve encountered in Equestria. On top of which Crush has possessed me. Just like those other two demons possessed their hosts.”

“Possessed you?” The king asked incredulously.

Teagan nodded. “You call it the bonding, but Crush is wrapped around my soul according to the Alene. Intertwined, he said. A link only death can sever. And that’s the textbook definition of possession.”

“Are you saying Mountain Heart is evil?” The king asked skeptically.

“No. I’ve had a lot of time to think about demons over the last year. The ones I’ve met weren’t really evil. Not even Nightmare. They’re just amoral. They don’t care. If they can get what they want without killing, they do that. But they don’t hesitate to kill if that’s what it takes. Or even do worse.”

“Worse than killing? What is worse than murder?” The king asked, frowning.

“Torturing an innocent to death over the span of two days, just to destroy a magical artifact.” Teagan said quietly.

The troll’s eyes widened just a bit. “A demon did that?”

“Would have done that if I hadn’t stopped it.” Teagan replied. “Actually, it possessed Discord and was going to have him do it.”

“And you don’t believe that was evil?” The king looked at her, totally aghast. The sight of a ten foot tall slab of muscle, teeth, and claws looking horror stricken should have been funny but Teagan wasn’t laughing.

“No I don’t. Remember, Nightmare didn’t care. If something else would have worked Nightmare would have done that. True evil is when someone doesn’t have to cause pain and death, but prefers it over other ways, even if it doesn’t work as well. An amoral person does what works best. They just don’t have any limits.”

“That is a subtle distinction, Dronning Teagan.” The king said, shaken. “Have humans encountered so much evil they can distinguish it from this amorality you speak of? The Snøskred told me of the weapons humans possess. Such horrible things and yet your own people used them in war. Looking at you now I can scarcely credit it. How could such a tiny creature as you be heir to such power?”

“I’m not.” Teagan shook her head. “Nukes aren’t something the average person ever sees, much less uses.”

“Yet your species has used them. And you are human, are you not?” The king asked shrewdly.

“Humans used two, Your Majesty. Two as in two single bombs. That was a long time before I was born. Before we really understood how bad they were. They’ve never been used since.”

“Trolls would never have used them in the first place.” The king said righteously.

Teagan tilted her head.

“I know the truth spell is still working, so you clearly believe that. But I’m under the same spell, so believe me when I tell you the bombs seemed like the best option at the time. The alternatives would have been worse.”

“That is hard to believe, even given the truth spell.” He said dubiously.

“I know. They’ve been debating it for sixty years.” Teagan said. “And they’ll keep on debating it long after I’m gone.”

“We have wandered far from home, Dronning Teagan. Let us return to more important issues.”

“Agreed. You know, this whole name thing is getting silly. Just call me Teelo. That’s what people I like call me.”

“You like me then?” He asked, surprised. “Given how forcefully you rejected my proposal I had assumed you found me distasteful.”

“No, you just shocked me.” Teagan chuckled. “I tend to react badly when I’m surprised like that. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

“Affairs of state require one to overlook such things. But I thank you for your apology. I too am sorry. I was just trying to make the best of an impossible situation.”

“Yeah, this is crazy all right.” Teagan shook her head. “And it keeps getting crazier every time I turn around.”

She stood up.

“Ok, let’s make this simple. I like you. I think you’re the best choice to rule the trolls. I like the ponies too, and I trust them. I’ve lived with them, fought beside them, saved them and been saved by them.”

“I like the Snøskred and the Alene too. Alene Dalen, I mean. I’d be dead if it wasn’t for the two of them. I trust them.

“So I think it would be a really good idea if the trolls and the ponies got together. I know trolls and ponies are really different, but each side has a lot to offer the other. I’m not naïve enough to think it’ll happen overnight, but surely it wouldn’t hurt to get to know each other? It’s bound to be safer than the edge of war you’ve been on for years, right?”

The king chuckled. “True. It will not be easy. Too many trolls remember Sun Hammer. But something might be done.”

“There’s something else I need to say you won’t like.” Teagan grew somber.

“Better a bitter truth than a sweet lie.” The king said. “Speak.”

“You do realize if your father had managed to kill Princess Celestia the world would have ended, right? I’m sorry he died. I truly am. It shouldn’t have happened. But Sun Hammer saved the world that day.” Teagan spoke softly, staring up at the still seated troll. She put a hand on his arm, feeling the warm skin under her fingers, skin that covered rock hard muscle and massive bone.

The king’s gaze was impassive as he stared down at her.

“A bitter truth indeed.” He finally said. “My mind accepts the truth of your words, my queen, but my heart screams in anguish.”

“I wish I could help you.” Teagan said watching him. “Every time I think about that fight I just want to cry. It was such a horrible waste. Your father died and Sun Hammer might as well have. He’s been shunned by every pony except the princesses since the day it happened. All for nothing. Everybody lost, your father, Sun Hammer, the trolls, the ponies...” She shook her head.

“Nothing will bring back my father.” The king said. “The past cannot be changed, no matter how much we might wish it.”

“True.” Teagan agreed. “That doesn’t mean we can’t try to make the future better though. I’m told trolls are stubborn creatures, Your Majesty. Is that true?”

“My name is Fjell.” The king said. “I would be honored if you would use it. And yes, trolls are very stubborn. Although we prefer to say strong willed and resolute.” He smiled. “However it is said, it amounts to the same thing.”

“Don’t let your father’s death be in vain.” Teagan said quietly. “Honor his memory. Recognize Sun Hammer was as much a victim as your father was. Be strong enough to follow the truth. And build a better world for your trolls.”

“For our trolls, Teelo.” He said.

“I guess you’re right. Our trolls.” Teelo said, feeling the weight of more unsought responsibility land on her shoulders.

“You came back to this world to help the ponies, Teelo.” The king said, watching her steadily. “Would you come back for the trolls?”

“I came back to help my friends, Fjell.” She corrected him. “Friends who helped me when I needed it. How could I abandon them when they needed me?”

She chuckled as she realized something.

“You know what? If you need my help, I’ll come back. I promise. But there’s one little problem…”

ooOoo

Luna and Celestia stood in Luna’s bed chamber, their heads lowered conspiratorially over a scrying crystal.

“Ah.” Celestia chuckled. “It seems Her Majesty has a natural talent for politics after all.”

“So it would seem, sister.” Luna agreed. “Should we be doing this? Spying on Lady Teelo?”

“We’re not spying, Luna!” Celestia protested. “We’re keeping watch over her, doing our part to keep faith with Clan O’Gara. Remember what Sun Hammer said about Lady Elaine’s reaction?”

“Lady Teelo’s mother impressed him, certainly.” Luna chuckled. “She must have been fierce indeed to make him sing her praises so. Sun Hammer is not normally given to such lyrical excess.”

“I know.” Celestia laughed. “Oh, that reminds me. Matthew came to me just after the meeting. He told me Pinkamena was most empathic about not having a party to celebrate Tišina’s defeat.”

“Miss Pie does not want a party?” Luna said as Celestia let the scrying spell fade away. “That is—disturbing. It is against the natural order!”

“Oh, it’s not the party she objects to, it’s merely celebrating Tišina’s defeat. Matthew said she was very ambiguous concerning how she defeated Tišina. Something about being ashamed of herself.”

“Does she not realize Tišina would have destroyed the world?” Luna asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Oh yes. But apparently Pinkie made a promise to Tišina that everything would be all right—just before tricking her into inhaling the poison joke powder.”

“Ah. We begin to see.” Luna nodded.

“It must have been terrible for poor Pinkamena.” Celestia continued. “So instead of celebrating Tišina’s defeat, I suggested we throw a Welcome to Equestria party.”

Luna’s brow creased.

“Who are we welcoming, sister?” She asked.

Celestia’s smile was beatific as she told her.

Welcome To Equestria

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In which a demon discusses morality, a mare proves her loyalty, and a princess asks an important question.

Teagan collapsed on the padded stool in her room, leaning back against the wall. She closed her eyes, mentally exhausted. It was 11:00 PM and she and the troll king had finally hammered out answers to all the problems their dual rulership was going to cause.

The final sticking point had been him demanding the ability to recall her at a moment’s notice. She had resisted, knowing it would be impossible to cover a sudden absence from school for any extended period.

She’d got him to agree reluctantly that, except in the most dire and urgent circumstances, he would not call on her outside of weekends, school breaks, or the summer. In the process of laying out her available days she’d realized the date back on Earth was January 12’th. She was going to be over a week late getting back to school. Right now that seemed like such a trivial problem she didn’t even care.

Matt had worked out that Equestria was roughly 3 months ahead of them in the year, with a time shift of four hours and 48 minutes. That explained why they’d all been so tired the first few days. And also explained why she hadn’t frozen to death when Discord had kidnapped her last year.

However, in return for his concession the troll king had demanded that she return and spend her summers in Hejm so she could learn their language, their customs, and get to know them at least as well as she knew the ponies. He had been unyielding in that demand, so she’d been forced to agree. It wasn’t terribly unreasonable, she had to admit. Which meant the start of her summer vacation in the middle of May would put her here in the middle of August. She’d be going back in the middle of Equestria’s October, barely missing the first heavy snows in the mountains. That was good, because if she got snowed into Hejm only teleportation could get her back to Equestria, and thus home.

She still didn’t know how she was going to get her mother to agree to it.

Teagan was so tired her whole body hurt. But there was still one conversation she’d been putting off, dreading the inevitable revelations. All she wanted to do was crumple into bed and sleep for a week. But instead she took a deep breath and pulled Crush into her lap. She rested both hands on the club and closed her eyes.

Wake up, we need to talk.

The eyes in her mind opened, watching her curiously.

Are you a demon? She asked.

Yes. Crush replied. She felt a thrill of fear pour through her.

Have you possessed me?

After a fashion. Crush replied. We are soul bound, but I do not have the strength to overcome your will. When Alene Klok summoned me and I agreed to become this weapon a spell was placed on me. That spell prevents me from controlling anyone I accept as my wielder. Because I accepted you I cannot control you.

Teelo considered that carefully, looking for loopholes. Not finding any she continued the conversation.

Why did you accept me? I’m not a troll. The trolls tell me only their king or queen can wield you.

That is a clever manipulation of the truth. Crush said. The plain truth is not ‘only a king can wield me’, it is rather ‘he who wields me is king’.

There was definite laughter behind the words, and no little mockery. For the first time Teagan was sure she was seeing the real Crush, not just its professional side.

Did Klok know this? Teagan asked.

How could he not? Crush actually chuckled. It is very amusing, is it not? Klok passed this knowledge on to the other wizards. They all know this. Why do you think the highest ranking Alene is always the king’s advisor? They know I can bond with anyone of sufficient will. They make sure it is always the king’s heir. That is why they never stopped trying to recover me after the fight with Sun Hammer.

So you took advantage of me! Teagan thought angrily. I didn’t know about the soul bond! I certainly didn’t give my permission to be possessed!

Yes you did. Crush corrected her. When you first touched me and asked if I could kill a god I asked in return if you could. You answered ‘whatever it takes’. Binding with me is the price of wielding me. You paid it willingly. You have spent the last year strengthening our bond yourself. Every time you wield me, even in practice, we grow closer. Our bond is the strongest I have ever felt with any wielder because every time you wield me it is with the desire to become one with me. Did not Matt always tell you to become one with your weapon? To make it a part of you?

Dark laughter filled her mind.

What is your ultimate goal, Crush? Teagan thought angrily. Taking over the world? Bringing over hordes of your kind to enslave the rest of us?

Its eyes narrowed. Why should I want that? You speak of demons as if you know us. You know nothing of us! You’re the queen of the trolls now. Do you want to rule the trolls? Aren’t you glad there is a troll king to make sure you never have to? Don’t you long to return home? To sleep and not worry about others? I am no different.

Then what do you want? Teagan asked, confused.

To sleep. To be fed so that I do not have to hunt. Being the king’s weapon gives me both, in exchange for very little effort on my part. That is why I accepted Klok’s offer. I am content to slay your enemies in return. I have no agenda beyond that.

What do you feed on? Teagan asked nervously.

On my host, of course. But you need not be afraid of that. Ordinarily, I require very little of the life you have in such abundance and replenish so easily. This is why hosted demons sleep so much. While we sleep we require almost no food. But you keep me awake far more than any host I have ever bonded with. Thus I must feed more often, taking more of your life force.

Is that why I have so many nightmares? Teagan asked, trying to make sense of what Crush was telling her. She was so tired it was hard to concentrate.

No. Those are your own folly.

What? What are you talking about?

You tried killing Discord, and failed only because Celestia intervened. For some strange reason you feel guilty about your attempt. This is stupid. The only reason you needed me in the first place was to kill him.

To stop him. Teagan corrected the demon.

You cannot lie to me—we are soul bound. I know you desired to kill Discord with every iota of your being. I could feel it.

I was wrong. All right? I was wrong! Nightmare was the real culprit—and it was a demon too! How was Nightmare any different from you? It didn’t want to sleep, Crush. It wanted to end the world!

Nightmare was insane. Crush replied flatly. I do not know why it wanted to end the world. That makes no sense. Do not compare me to Nightmare. It would be like me comparing you to a mass murderer.

Ok, sorry. But how can my nightmares be from guilt?

Because you were taught killing was wrong. Yet you found yourself longing to kill another. Why does this confuse you?

Discord was going to torture Fluttershy to death! She protested.

Yes. And you were going to kill him to prevent it. Simple.

Not simple at all! Teagan responded sharply.

Only because you are trying to complicate it. Discord was going to do something you would not permit. He would not stop unless killed. Therefore you tried to kill him. This is not difficult logic.

Who gave me the right? Teagan demanded. I don’t have the right to decide who lives and who dies!

Right? Crush mentally snorted. There is no such thing. Rights are fictions foisted on the strong by the weak to restrain them. Believing you have a right to do something is moral cowardice. You either have the ability to do something or you do not. You either have the ability to prevent interference with your choices or you do not.

What about the innocent? With reasoning like that they’re just victims of the strong! Teagan protested.

Yes they are. Because they do not have enough power to stop the strong. But do not confuse that with right and wrong. Is it wrong for a predator to kill its prey and consume it? You eat meat, do you not? That meat was a living creature killed so you could feed. How is that not the strong taking advantage of the weak? Plants are living things too, which means even gentle, loving Fluttershy kills to eat every single day.

It’s not the same thing! Plants can’t feel anything! Cows and pigs and sheep aren’t sentient! Well, not on Earth I mean. I’d never try to eat an Equestrian cow because they’re a person!

That is your choice. Crush noted. You think this is because you don’t have the right to end the life of a sentient creature. You draw a line and say it is wrong to cross it. Or you accept the line drawn by another. But this is your choice; it is not some law of nature. It is a fiction, created by one creature and accepted by another. Those who do not accept the choice are labeled evil. Yet strangely you then feel free to violate their right to exist. This is utter hypocrisy.

Crush, if we didn’t do that we couldn’t coexist. If we didn’t accept another’s right to exist we’d have nothing. If the strong didn’t defend the weak we couldn’t live together.

Therefore this right to exist is merely accepted to allow you to profit from the existence of others. Crush replied. I do not argue it may be advantageous to accept certain limits in exchange for the benefits received. I did that to become this weapon. But you confuse pragmatism with morality. You confuse convenience with a law of nature.

So you think it’s ok to kill someone? Teagan demanded angrily.

I have never exercised that choice. Crush replied calmly. I leave that choice to my wielder. I do not need to concern myself with rights and choices. That is for you to decide, queen of the trolls. But do not make the choice and then punish yourself because you regret what you did. According to the ‘rights’ you proclaim, you still had the right to kill Discord for what he attempted. Yet you defend him as an ‘innocent’. You claim it was Nightmare that controlled him. Or that he had been driven insane by his confinement. Or both. That may be so. It does not change what he tried to do or the choice you made to stop him.

I was wrong to try and kill him. Teagan insisted quietly.

Then so be it. You were wrong. Have you never been wrong before?

Of course I have! A lot!

Yet you do not feel guilty for all the other times you were wrong. Why only this one? Especially when any harm you may have caused was reversed and the situation was resolved in the way you preferred.

Teagan was silent, thinking about it.

Because this one was really important, Crush. And I failed. She finally thought.

Yet Celestia lives. Fluttershy lives. Discord was put to sleep and Nightmare destroyed. How is this failure? Is it not in fact the best possible outcome you can imagine?

It happened in spite of me, not because of me. Teagan retorted. If I had killed Discord I’d have been possessed by Nightmare—no, wait, you’d have protected me. Fluttershy would have been possessed. Nightmare would have left us all to die and Fluttershy would have become a monster. That’s my failure.

But that did not happen. Crush observed. You made other choices that insured it did not. If you insist on wallowing in your failures at least be rational enough to accept your successes as well.

Teagan was too tired to continue arguing.

We’ll table this for now. But one final question. Why did you urge me to kill the Snøskred?

Because he threatened you. Crush replied. I have lived with the trolls for many thousands of years. I know them. For most trolls it would have been an innocent question. But the Snøskred is one of those rare trolls that know how to cut the corners of truth so it fits their intended purpose. Had you not revealed our bond he would have tossed you out of the chariot.

Teagan blinked, astonished.

He’d have murdered me? The ponies would have beaten him senseless! Matt would have shot him! It would have meant war! Fjell would have executed him! You’re talking nonsense.

You assume the Snøskred values his own life more than the welfare of the troll kingdom. Crush replied. As I said, Bevis Mot Lyn is a rare troll. Are such individuals unknown to humans?

Teagan started to respond, then stopped, thinking about all the stories Matt had told her about the Middle East. She remembered the fanaticism of some Japanese soldiers in World War II. She remembered heroes that deliberately chose to die to save others…

There are some. But are you certain he was going to kill me? She thought.

Yes.

The one word answer chilled Teagan.

And now?

You are the queen. He will not move against you, especially so long as you have Fjell’s favor.

So you don’t advise me killing him then? Teagan asked drily.

He is not an immediate threat. Should that change I will warn you. Just as I would warn you about Celestia or Matthew Sanders or your parents.

They would never hurt me, Crush. She retorted. Now goodnight! I’m going to sleep.

ooOoo

Faerie Mist shivered in the cool night air. Around her the Sun Shield were setting up torches in a perimeter to warn away the dangerous creatures that lurked in the Everfree Forest. Beside her Subtle Dancer reviewed the spell that would open the Bridge of Days.

Celestia, why did I let you talk me into this? She thought to herself, half angry and half frightened. All for the sake of a stupid party!

“Are you ready, Faerie Mist?” Subtle Dancer asked, noting how stiffly she stood.

“You’re sure I’ll end up in Lady Teagan’s house, right?” She asked nervously.

“Absolutely. You’ll exit the bridge at the same point Sun Hammer did. If Lady Teagan’s parents are not in the room simply call out to attract their attention. If they’re not home, just wait for them. The Lieutenant said it’s now evening in their world. Her parents will certainly be waiting for Lady Teagan’s return, so they should be home. I’ll reopen the bridge in four hours. If there’s a problem I’ll reopen it four hours after that. Sun Hammer reported no difficulty crossing the bridge. You’ll be fine.

“I hope you’re right.” She checked to make sure the neck pouch was secure. It held the invitations and a note from the Lieutenant.

“All right, I’m ready.” She said, settling her wings.

“Very well.” The unicorn’s horn blazed brightly and a rainbow edged hole expanded in mid air. She could see a room on the other side.

Taking a deep breath she trotted through the hole, feeling a smooth firm surface under hoof for about three strides before her hoof came down on something soft and she found herself in a small room. The bridge closed behind her, bringing on a momentary flash of panic. She quickly smothered it when she noticed the two humans gaping at her.

“Greetings, Lord and Lady O’Gara.” The pegasus performed the same bow she would for Princess Celestia and rose smiling.

“My name is Faerie Mist and I am the First Lady-In-Waiting of her Royal Highness, Princess Celestia. I am here at her request, to invite both of you to come to Equestria and attend a party in honor of Lady Teagan.”

“Where’s my daughter? Is she all right?” The female human demanded coldly, coming to her feet and glaring daggers at the pegasus.

Sun Hammer was right. Faerie Mist thought, eyeing the formidable creature facing her. I’m glad I’m not bringing bad news!

“Your daughter is fine, Lady O’Gara.” Faerie Mist said hastily. “She is staying in the Ghrian suite as befits a noble of her exalted rank. We’re arranging a surprise party for her and Princess Celestia would very much like you and your husband to attend as Her Highness’s special guests. I have your invitations here, along with a note from Lieutenant Sanders.”

The woman relaxed, letting the pegasus breathe a mental sigh of relief.

“Teagan’s really ok?” She asked, her face begging for reassurance.

“I spoke to her less than two hours ago, Lady O’Gara.” Faerie Mist assured the woman. “She is completely fine. Matters are resolved and she’ll be coming home with you the day after tomorrow.”

“Thank God!” The woman collapsed back into her chair.

“You said you had a note from Matt?” The man asked. Faerie Mist nodded and reared, using her hoof to extract both the invitations and the note. Absentmindedly spreading her wings to keep her balance she walked forward on her hind legs and extended her foreleg with the papers.

“Is something wrong?” She asked, noticing the two of them staring at her, wide-eyed.

“No, it’s just we’ve never seen a pegasus before. A real one, that is.” The man said, taking the papers. “Sorry if we’re being rude.”

“No apologies necessary.” Faerie Mist said with a smile. “I remember the first time I met a griffin. I was absolutely tongue-tied.”

The man gave the invitations to his wife and opened the note. He read it quickly, and burst into laughter.

“What is it, John?” His wife asked.

“Matt says, ‘Mission accomplished. No casualties. PS: food fantastic, ponies pleasant, Princess + Pinkie + party = WOW. Do not miss this!’ I guess Matt thinks we should come.”

“I would like to meet Teagan’s friends.” She said, and then frowned at the invitations in her hand.

“Faerie Mist I’m afraid I can’t read these.” She said apologetically to the pegasus. Her husband snagged one and looked it over.

“Me neither. Very impressive though. Gold leaf and golden ink, if I’m not mistaken.”

“May I?” Faerie Mist asked, extending her hoof. John handed her the invitation, staring intently at her hoof as she took it. Faerie Mist politely ignored his rapt attention as she began to read aloud.

“Her Highness Celestia, Royal Princess of Equestria, requests the pleasure of Lord and Lady O’Gara’s company at a party honoring their daughter, the Lady Teagan, now also addressed as Her Majesty, Dronning Teagan, Queen of all Trolls, here in Equestria, tomorrow afternoon.”

“The bearer of this invitation, Faerie Mist, is my First Lady-In-Waiting, and she will be delighted to handle all arrangements for your attendance.”

“Wait—Her Majesty? Queen of all trolls? What in the world?” The woman stared at Faerie Mist, stunned.

She did it to me again. Faerie Mist raged internally as she smiled at the dumbfounded humans. You just wait, Celestia!

ooOoo

“It would seem our task is done, sister.” Luna said as they watched Teagan return to her room. Celestia let the image fade from the scrying crystal.

“I think you’re right, Luna. Peace with the trolls will be far more stable now. That ghastly fight between Sun Hammer and the troll king can finally become forgotten history and Crush will remain safely in Lady Teagan’s keeping and far away from Equestria. I want to thank you for the months of effort you spent pouring over troll law, by the way. Your deflection of the king’s wedding plans was superbly done.”

“While it is said that all knowledge is useful, sister, we admit having to learn Trollish simply to read their scrolls was quite a challenge. We hope our studies will be useful for more than this one incident. We never anticipated having to disrupt the troll king’s wedding plans!” Luna responded, chuckling. “However, if Lady Teagan’s hopes become reality it will certainly be useful for listening to what the trolls say amongst themselves.”

“You’re absolutely right, sister. Also, given their nature trolls are more comfortable above ground at night. They may walk the day easily enough, but they prefer the night. Since you’re now Equestria’s royal expert on trolls I will leave it to you to deal with them, my sister.”

Luna grimaced.

“As you say, sister. I just wish they were more refined.”

“Really? I would have thought their honesty and directness would appeal to you.” Celestia said, surprised.

“I did not say they were without redeeming qualities, my sister.” Luna chuckled. “But their snarling! And the ease with which they are insulted! It grows tiresome.”

Celestia wisely chose not to point out the obvious. Instead, she yawned.

“Well, goodnight, Luna. It has been a grueling few weeks and I am still not fully recovered from my ordeal. I’ll see you at morning meal.”

“Sleep well, my beloved sister.” Luna replied, turning to leave the chamber and continue her never ending responsibilities. Which now apparently included direct diplomatic dealings with the trolls.

We cannot contain our joy, she thought grimly.

Celestia settled into bed with a blissful sigh.

ooOoo

“My daughter married the king of the trolls?” John asked the pegasus in disbelief. “That is how you get to be queen, right?”

“Well, normally yes.” Faerie Mist admitted. “Happily, however, circumstances are somewhat more—complex. Lady Teagan is indeed queen of the trolls, but she did not marry the troll king. I am terribly sorry for the clumsy way you found out about this. There must have been a miscommunication between the Princess and the Mare of Protocol. I’m sure the Princess would have wished to break the news to you personally.”

Since Faerie Mist herself was the Mare of Protocol (among her many other duties) technically she wasn’t lying. She was merely being—diplomatic.

Or at least that’s what she kept telling herself.

“There’s only one other way she could become queen. Are you saying she killed him?” The man’s voice was hollow. His wife suddenly looked stricken.

“Ki—OH! No! No, nothing like that.” She said hastily. “As I said, the situation is very complicated. I don’t understand all the details myself. You should ask Princess Celestia or Lady Teagan when you see them. In fact”, she smiled, suddenly realizing how to revenge herself for Celestia’s practical joke, “Princess Celestia would be delighted to explain. She’s familiar with troll customs and law so she’s the one you need to speak to.”

Ha! Let’s see how you like a dose of your own medicine, Princess! She thought in glee.

“Isn’t Equestria quite dangerous?” The woman asked, considering. “I mean, all those monsters wandering about?”

“There’s a full wing of the Sun Shield to escort the chariot, Lady O’Gara.” Faerie Mist assured her. “We’ll be in the Everfree forest for less than ten minutes. Once we’re in Equestria proper there will be no danger at all. Not even a full grown dragon would dare attack a wing of the Sun Shield. Not that any dragons living inside Equestria would dream of doing something like that anyway!”

“Teagan talked about those chariots.” The man said thoughtfully. “They’re small open vehicles pulled by a pair of pegasi aren’t they?”

“Normal chariots, yes.” Faerie Mist nodded. “However, the Princess thought you would be more comfortable flying in an enclosed one. It’s much larger and takes four pegasi to pull it.”

“That was thoughtful of her.” Elaine said.

“It’s also more practical. It lets me travel with you so I can answer any questions you might have. It’s about a forty minute flight to Canterlot from that part of the Everfree Forest. Oh! I guess I should mention day and night are different between your world and ours. In Equestria it’s early spring and by the time we arrive at the castle it will be about three hours before daybreak. Matt said it was early evening here?”

“Yep, hasn’t been dark that long.” John answered her.

“Good. Subtle Dancer will open the bridge in a little under four hours from now, which should give you plenty of time to get ready.”

“How long will we be staying?” The woman asked.

“Well, the party is tomorrow afternoon and the plan is for you to return the day after that.” Faerie Mist answered. “If I know the Bearer of Laughter the party’s likely to last until late evening. Certainly there will be many ponies eager to meet you. I imagine the troll king and his advisor will want to meet you as well, and of course both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna would like to have some time with you.”

Faerie Mist chuckled at their expressions.

“What did you expect? I mean this is the first visit from the Lord and Lady of Clan O’Gara in Equestria’s history! The Grand Galloping Gala pales in comparison. But don’t worry, I convinced the Princess to keep the party small so you won’t be overwhelmed. It’s limited to only fifty guests, so I had to be absolutely ruthless pruning the guest list. I’ve been beating off the lesser nobility with a stick all day. The real trick was doing that without Lady Teagan finding out about the party.”

“Hmm. So this is going to be a formal affair?” John asked, clearly unhappy.

“Not officially.” Faerie Mist shook her head. “Pinkie Pie is organizing it and she’s used to Ponyville, which is a small rural village. I doubt the Bearers will be wearing anything at all, although I’m sure the nobility will dress to impress such illustrious guests as yourselves.”

“Oh dear, I’m not sure I have anything to wear to something like this.” The woman fretted. “John, what do you think? Should I wear the black semi-formal or the blue evening dress?”

“The Lieutenant had another message concerning attire for the party, Lord O’Gara.” Faerie Mist interjected. “He said, and I’m quoting him, ‘black-tie is over kill’. Do you know what he meant by that?”

The man chuckled. “Oh yes. I’ll have to remember to thank him. I’ve never been fond of black-tie affairs.”

“John! You will not be wearing jeans and a sweater! We’ll be meeting royalty!” The woman scolded her husband. Faerie Mist blinked, startled. She’d seen this same scene play out between her own parents, although she had no idea what “jeans” might be. The casual intimacy it revealed was both comforting and somewhat surreal given this was the head of the legendary Clan O’Gara and his lady.

“If I may, sir and lady, neither ponies nor trolls are familiar with human fashion. Lady Teagan’s clothing was made by the Bearer of Generosity, who naturally followed Equestrian style. The party is supposed to be informal, to let everyone relax and enjoy themselves after the recent unpleasantness. Please wear whatever you would be most comfortable with.”

“Thank you, Faerie Mist. See, Elaine? They wouldn’t know a tuxedo from a leisure suit. Why shouldn’t I dress comfortably?”

“Men.” His wife snorted. “I’ll lay out your clothes, John.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“I won’t inflict a tie on you.” She said, rolling her eyes. “Faerie Mist, you said we’ll be there just for the weekend, right?”

“Weekend?” She tilted her head. “I’m not familiar with that term, Lady O’Gara.”

“Tonight, tomorrow, and the day after.” The woman translated.

“Ah, thank you. Yes, that’s right.” The pegasus nodded. “I would suggest small saddle bags since you’ll have to carry them across the bridge.”

“Saddlebags?” Lady O’Gara asked, startled.

“Or whatever the human equivalent is. Backpacks perhaps?” Faerie Mist offered.

“A small suitcase, Elaine.” Her husband said. “The bridge doesn’t stay open very long, remember? I don’t want to try and lug something big and heavy across it.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” His wife answered. “Faerie Mist we’ll be a few minutes. Please make yourself comfortable.”

“Thank you Lady O’Gara.” Faerie Mist waited until they had left the room and then looked around for a place to lie down. She finally chose a comfortable looking rug lying on top of the soft floor covering. She sighed contentedly, able to truly relax for the first time since crossing the bridge.

ooOoo

Subtle Dancer braced himself to open the portal. He was no magical weakling, but opening the Bridge of Days taxed him severely. He hoped they were ready on the other side because he really didn’t want to do this again. It was like holding a door open with an angry giant on the other side pushing it closed.

He closed his eyes and let the magic flare, prying open the rainbow edged hole to another world. His breath became ragged as the opening widened, fighting him. He bore down, stabilizing the bridge.

Come on, Faerie Mist, don’t dawdle! Get your rump home already! He thought angrily as the seconds ticked past. Sweat was pouring down his flanks and his legs were beginning to shake. How long had it been? He was nearing the end of his strength, but stubbornly held it open, sides heaving.

“We’re here, Subtle Dancer.” Faerie Mist’s silver voice was like an angelic choir to the black unicorn. With a gasp he released the magic and sank to his knees, completely spent.

“Are you all right?” An unfamiliar male voice asked.

He blinked, looking up to see a human towering over him, a concerned look on his face.

“Yes, sorry. Give me a minute. I think I held it a bit longer than I should have.” He struggled to his hooves.

“I thought you knew we were here, Dancer.” Faerie Mist said apologetically. “We were standing right in front of you for a while.”

The unicorn glared at the pegasus.

“You might have said something sooner.” He growled. “That thing is heavy, Mist!”

“I’m so sorry, are you all right?” She asked, noting the way he swayed on his hooves.

“Fine, I’m fine.” He drew in a deep breath and forced himself to breath normally. “Lord O’Gara, it is an honor to welcome you and your lady to Equestria. My name is Subtle Dancer. I am the head of Her Highness’s magical investigations bureau.”

“Good evening, Subtle Dancer. I’m glad to meet you. I’m John and this is my wife Elaine.”

“Lady O’Gara, a pleasure.” Subtle Dancer bowed to her.

“Oh my.” She said, flustered. “Nice to meet you, Subtle Dancer.”

“It’s very late.” Faerie Mist said. “We should be on our way. Lord O’Gara, if you and your lady would follow me to the chariot?”

“Of course.” The man picked up a small oblong object that dangled by his side as the three walked to the enclosed chariot. Subtle Dancer watched them go, eyes narrowed in thought.

ooOoo

Teagan slept late the next day, not rising until the sun was well above the horizon. With Tišina defeated and her royal duties completed for the moment she didn’t feel guilty about lazing in bed for a half hour. In fact this was the first time since she’d been back she hadn’t been running flat out or sleeping on the ground with one eye open. It was nice to feel warm and safe again.

She finally rousted herself out of bed and dressed leisurely; donning the dress that Rarity had made for her, debating what she wanted for breakfast. She, Matt, and Evelyn were going to get together with Twilight and her friends and spend the morning shopping. Celestia had given Teagan a bag of coins—bridles? No, bits, she corrected herself, so she’d have spending money. The girl was looking forward to buying some souvenirs for her parents. And she was definitely getting some cupcakes to give her parents a taste of Equestria. She smiled at the pun.

Teagan slung Crush over her back without even noticing she’d done it. The club felt as natural now as a purse and it was never more than a few feet away from her. That was partially Matt’s relentless training (always know where your weapon is!) and partially habitual paranoia.

When she entered the suite’s main room she saw Alene Dalen and the Snøskred talking quietly. She stiffened, remembering what Crush had said. On the one hand neither princess trusted Bevis Mot Lyn, but on the other Crush was a demon…

“Ah, good morning, Your Majesty.” The Snøskred came to his feet and bowed to her. The Alene nodded without rising. She didn’t think the Alene was being rude to his queen, but his behavior didn’t match human or pony norms. Still, it was yet another reminder she was clueless about trollish protocol…

“Good morning, Snøskred, Alene.” She said, forcing a smile. She wanted to talk to Matt before deciding what, if anything, to do about the Snøskred. She knew enough about politics to know alienating the influential troll was a bad idea. Still, if Crush could be trusted (and she still wasn’t sure about that) he had planned to kill her and only coincidence had saved her. She was beginning to appreciate just how difficult the job Celestia and Luna did every day really was. The job she was now doing…

“Your Majesty, I would like to ask for some details about the deepening relations you wish to engage in with Equestria…” The Snøskred started to say politely.

“Snøskred, you really need to talk to the king concerning details.” Teagan said, holding up a hand to interrupt him. “Right now I know very little about troll law and history. Given most trolls’ view of Sun Hammer I don’t want to put a foot wrong and do something idiotic, especially since I’m going home tomorrow and won’t be back until fall.”

“A wise decision, Your Majesty.” The Snøskred bowed. “I will confer with the king as you suggest.”

“Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to go get some breakfast.”

“Of course, Your Majesty.” The Snøskred bowed again and Teagan left the suite, relieved to be away from the massive troll. She headed for the kitchens and a big breakfast. She was famished.

ooOoo

Her parents woke an hour later. After dressing they debated what to do next. Faerie Mist had left them in the care of an earth pony named Marigold who’d settled them in, but neither had any idea how to get hold of her this morning.

“I suppose we could just wander the corridors until we find someone.” John suggested.

“Really?” Elaine raised an eyebrow. “Darling I love you but sometimes I have to wonder why. That’s the most idiotic suggestion I’ve ever heard you make.”

“Well, I don’t think they have telephones, Elaine.” He said good-naturedly. “Let’s see if anyone’s about.”

He went to the door and opened it. To his surprise there were a pair of heavily armored unicorns flanking the door.

“Um, hello?” He offered. One of the unicorns turned.

“Yes, Lord O’Gara?”

“I was wondering if you knew how we could find a pony named Marigold. She settled us in last night, but we’re not sure how to contact her this morning.”

“Just tug the bell pull by the bed three times, my lord.” The unicorn said.

“Thank you. By the way—are you guarding our door?”

“Yes, my lord.” The unicorn replied.

“Ok. Um, why?” The man asked blankly.

“To protect you and your lady, my lord.” The unicorn answered patiently.

“From what? I mean this is a castle, isn’t it? Since the princesses live here I would think it’s the safest place in Equestria.”

“It is, my lord. The guards help keep it that way.” The unicorn said mildly. “While Lady Teagan and the Bearers dealt with the most recent threat, the Captain doesn’t believe in taking chances with important guests. We’ve been assigned as part of your protection detail. Let us know when you’d like to leave the castle and we’ll summon the rest of your guards to escort you.”

“I see. Thank you, uh—” He raised his eyebrows.

“Midnight Star, my lord.” The unicorn dipped its horn.

“Thank you, Midnight Star.” John replied. He closed the door.

“Did you know we rate a personal bodyguard?” He asked his wife, astounded. He walked over to the bell pull, a fancy rope with a large ring on the end. He hadn’t noticed it last night and examined it curiously, finally giving the rope three firm yanks, hearing a small bell ring each time.

“This place is like an old time movie.” His wife commented. “Teagan said they didn’t have electricity. Good thing they do have running water!”

“Yeah, from what I’ve read old-time castle privies were pretty nasty. Glad they’re at least beyond that. In fact the bathroom is absolutely huge. Did you see the size of that tub? It had gold faucets!”

“Well, I guess it has to be big if a pony uses it.” Elaine said, shrugging. “Though you’d think they’d avoid water because of their fur. Must take forever to dry off.”

John chuckled. “Here we are talking about bathtubs! Elaine, you realize we’re in another world? Blasé much?”

“I’m trying not to think about it. I don’t know whether to be awestruck or terrified.” She said. “That chariot ride last night was like a dream. It was so smooth and quiet! There was just a whisper of wind. It wasn’t like a plane at all.”

“I noticed that.” He nodded. “Did you see how Faerie Mist was using her hooves like hands? I spotted the flanges Teagan mentioned, but they were really hard to see even when she was reaching for something. No wonder the cartoon never showed them.”

“Don’t remind me we’re in a cartoon.” Elaine shook her head. “How in the world did we get mixed up in all this, John?”

“Well first, let’s be fair. The cartoon is about Equestria, but Equestria certainly isn’t a cartoon.” He responded. “As for how we got involved—well you married me, and I’m the clan head. Not that I ever expected that to amount to anything in this day and age. Oh—and magic is real. Even on Earth, magic is real.”

He chuckled.

“Can you imagine Einstein or Hawking having to fit magic into physics? They’d go absolutely nuts!”

“Well, Hawking would. Einstein’s dead, dear.” Elaine said, grinning at her husband.

“Pfft. You know what I mean. We’re sitting on the biggest discovery in the history of the world! And we can’t tell anybody because they’d lock us up and throw away the key.”

“Or they’d believe us and the government would make us disappear.” Elaine said cynically. John rolled his eyes.

“You never did trust authority, dear. But getting back on track, the old clan horses were magical…and intelligent. Another world shaking discovery we can’t tell anybody about.” He sighed. “I’m going to stop talking about it. This is getting depressing.”

“It’s just as well, John. Equestria doesn’t need our world messing with it. And you know they would. Even you aren’t that naïve.”

John hesitated, and then sighed again. “Yeah, you’re right. They would. And, if that story Sun Hammer told us actually happened, then the ponies are clan. They’re family. You don’t throw family to the wolves.” He chuckled suddenly. “Except Sun Hammer. Throw him to the wolves and poof, no more wolves!”

“Oh, Sun Hammer. How could I forget Sun Hammer?” Elaine said ruefully. “He’s probably still mad at me. I’m going to have to eat some serious crow to make it up for the things I said to him.”

“You could have handled it better.” Her husband admitted. “But then again who expects a talking horse to show up and ask to borrow your daughter to fight a shadowy villain?”

There was a knock on the door.

“Come in.” He called.

Marigold, the pony from the night before opened the door and trotted in.

“You rang for me, Lord O’Gara?” She asked, smiling. She was a typical earth pony, dark gold, with a straw colored mane and tail. Her cutie mark was a large book, an old-style ledger that was partially open.

“Call me John. This Lord O’Gara stuff is kind of surreal. I’m a college professor, not a clan chieftain from the old days.” He said, laughing.

“Very well, Lord John.” Marigold said, nodding. Would you and Lady Elaine like some breakfast? It’s nearly eleven o’clock. Or perhaps lunch? Princess Celestia asked to be informed when you woke up, she’d like to share a meal with you.”

“I never thought I’d be having lunch with a princess.” Elaine said, shaking her head.

“I wouldn’t worry, Lady Elaine.” Marigold said soothingly. “Princess Celestia is very good at putting ponies at their ease. She’s actually quite friendly and not at all formal, except when visiting dignitaries expect it.”

“That’s comforting.” The woman said. “Do we look all right, Marigold? Fit to meet your princess?”

“You look fine.” Marigold assured them with a smile.

“I noticed there are guards on the door. Are you expecting trouble?” John asked.

Marigold shook her head.

“Oh no, Lord John. All high ranking guests are assigned guards. Celestia help us if a visiting dignitary should ever be hurt! It would be a diplomatic disaster. So we err on the side of caution. Better to have guards and not need them, yes?”

“I suppose that makes sense.” John nodded. “Midnight Star said something about more guards if we leave the castle?”

“Oh yes. You have a full guard detail, six unicorns.” Marigold said. “Here in the castle only two escort you, but outside the castle it’s all six. We want to make sure you’re safe, after all.”

“Does Teagan have a bodyguard too?” Elaine asked.

The dark gold earth pony nodded.

“Lady Teagan’s been assigned a full wing of the Sun Shield. I imagine the troll king gave her bodyguards as well. Not to mention she carries Crush with her everywhere she goes. Outside the castle Lieutenant Sanders is with her, as well as the Bearers of the Elements. Oh, and Sun Hammer too.” She shivered.

“I wouldn’t want to tangle with that pony, Lady Elaine! He’s deadly.” There was a trace of fear in her voice.

“But he’s not dangerous to Teagan, right?” Elaine asked sharply.

“Oh no! The princesses both trust Sun Hammer completely! So much so he stood guard in the same room where Princess Luna and Twilight Sparkle slept after they raised the sun.”

Elaine relaxed.

“That’s a relief. Well, Marigold, let’s not keep Princess Celestia waiting!” Elaine said brightly.

ooOoo

Teagan had a problem. No, strike that. She had two, both very, very large. They loomed politely over her while the king tried to understand why they were a problem.

“Why, exactly, do I need a pair of troll bodyguards, Your Majesty?” She asked, masking her exasperation. “Do you honestly expect me to need them in the heart of Canterlot?”

“No, of course not, my queen.” He said, shaking his head. “However it is unseemly for the Dronning to travel unescorted.”

“I have an escort.” She said, taking unobtrusive deep breaths to stay calm. “The Princess insists on sending a wing of the Sun Shield with me everywhere I go!”

“Exactly, my queen. Pony guards? For the queen of the trolls? It is a disgrace! You should have guards that befit your station. These are the finest warriors in my retinue, truly fit to serve the Dronning Av Fjellet!” He said in ringing tones. The two trolls beside her stiffened to attention, clearly trying to impress her with their fierce devotion to duty.

She held up one finger. “First, I truly appreciate what you are doing, Fjell. I really do.” She held up a second finger. “Second, do these two even speak Equestrian?”

“No, my queen. But they do not need to speak. Simply draw your club and charge. They will leap to attack your foe. It is quite simple.”

She face-palmed.

“Ok, three, what part of deepening friendly relations did you not understand, Fjell? You’re the master of politics! How is having two very large and scary trolls no one can talk to going to help me do that? Especially if I can’t talk to them? I don’t know Trollish yet!”

“Ah.” The king paused. “I had forgotten you could not speak Trollish, my queen. That could indeed pose a problem.”

“You think? I’m willing to compromise on the bodyguard thing for the sake of harmony, but do you at least have two guards that know Equestrian?”

He turned and spoke to the two guards. They nodded and left.

“They are going to find guards who can speak the pony language.” The king said.

“Thank you.” She relaxed.

“And I’m not, you know.” He said suddenly.

“Not what?” She asked, confused.

“A master of politics. Except with trolls, of course. But troll politics are simple compared to other species. It takes a very rare troll to be a master of non-trollish politics. That is why we use, I believe the word is ambassadors, when dealing with ponies. The Snøskred understands the weaving labyrinth ponies walk. The Alene are also adept at understanding other species.”

Teagan stared at him, blinded by an unexpected epiphany. Suddenly she believed every word Crush had told her. Her blinding flash of insight let her see it all.

The King ruled the trolls. The wizards and the troll politicians obeyed him—after all troll politics were simple, weren’t they? Trolls were conservative and traditional. They stubbornly adhered to the old ways. The king ruled the trolls while the Snøskred and his brethren dealt with non-trolls. The Alene advised the king in the strange ways of other species…

She suddenly realized it wasn’t the king she had to worry about. Nor the rank and file of ordinary trolls. Her real problem was going to be trolls like Alene Avgrunn and the Snøskred. Clever trolls. Trolls who could scheme just like humans. Trolls who weren’t afraid to die if that’s what it took to best serve their species…

She was very glad she was going home tomorrow.

ooOoo

“Lord John, Lady Elaine, it’s an honor to have you visit Equestria.” Princess Celestia greeted them warmly. They were meeting in one of the numerous patios scattered through the gardens inside the castle walls.

“The honor is ours, Your Highness.” John said bowing. Elaine attempted a curtsey, but her shorts and top spoiled the effect somewhat.

“I’m so glad you accepted my invitation! I apologize for the short notice but things have been hectic here lately and the party was very spur of the moment.” Celestia apologized.

“Please don’t give it another thought, Your Highness.” Elaine said quickly. “Thank you for inviting us, I never thought I’d have the opportunity to meet any of Teagan’s pony friends. What we’ve seen of Equestria so far is amazing.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying your stay, Lady Elaine.” The princess said and then turned to Marigold. “Marigold, would you be so kind as to bring us lunch? Lord John, Lady Elaine, I assume Lady Teelo shares your taste in food?”

“For the most part.” Elaine answered with a chuckle. “Our daughter is a typical teenager. Pizza makes up a large part of her prefered diet. If I didn’t insist she eat with us before going to the dojo I’d hate to think what she’d gobble down.”

The princess chuckled.

“Young ponies are often the same way, Lady Elaine. Marigold dear, the kitchens know Lady Teelo’s preferences, would you bring us three servings please?”

“Of course, Your Highness.” Marigold made a half bow and trotted back toward the castle.

“While we’re waiting for our food I wanted to apologize for the clumsy way you learned your daughter became queen of the trolls.” Celestia said with an absolutely straight face. “Faerie Mist told me about the terrible faux pas. I am truly sorry.”

“Well, it was a bit of a shock.” John admitted. “What exactly happened, Your Highness?”

“To understand that you must understand a bit of troll history.” The princess replied. “The story began many thousands of years ago, long before ponies came to Equestria. The troll civilization grew very great and they had many powerful wizards. The most powerful at that time was a wizard named Alene Klok.”

“Clock?” Elaine asked, startled. “Like a timepiece?”

“No, Lady Elaine. The words sound the same but in Trollish Klok means wisdom.” The alicorn explained. “Klok was the most powerful wizard the trolls ever produced. There has never been one to match him, before or since.”

“Alene Klok forged a weapon from the heart of a mountain. It is said that forging formed the cavern where the troll capitol city of Hejm now lies. The name of that weapon was Mountain Heart, a dark gray, knobby iron club some three feet long.”

“Crush?” John asked.

“Crush.” Celestia nodded. “You must understand trolls do not deal with symbolism very well. To the trolls Crush is the heart of the mountain, and that mountain is the heart of the World Below. The very soul of their civilization, you see. Thus the weapon is a holy relic. It is wielded only by troll kings and queens. Since Lady Teagan wields it the trolls view her as queen by definition.”

“So she didn’t have to marry the king to become queen?” Elaine asked. “Wait a minute—if she’s queen where does that leave the king?”

“In a very awkward position.” Celestia answered. “Thus his marriage proposal.”

John barked a short laugh. Elaine glared at him.

“Oh, I bet Teagan loved that.” He said, chortling.

“I was there. I believe her exact words were ‘Did a rock fall on your head?’.” Celestia said, a small smile playing about her muzzle. “Needless to say she declined—forcefully. Indeed Lieutenant Sanders later told me he thought she would become violent. Fortunately, Lady Teelo has grown wiser since the last time she was here.”

“What happened?” Elaine asked in morbid curiosity.

“As it happens, my sister had been studying troll law for the last few months. When Lady Teelo refused the king my sister asked Alene Avgrunn if there was a law demanding the king and queen be married. Once he admitted there was not the situation resolved itself—for the most part.”

“For the most part?” Elaine asked, eyes hardening.

“Your daughter has the makings of a fine queen, Lady Elaine.” Celestia said serenely. “She and the troll king have been hammering out the details of their co-rulership. I will leave Lady Teelo to explain the details, however I believe one of the terms of their agreement is she must return during her summers to study in Hejm. The king insisted.”

“Oh he did, did he?” Elaine growled. John put a hand on his wife’s arm.

“Let’s find out the details first, dear.” He said quietly. She glared at him, but mindful she was in the presence of royalty, restrained herself.

“Is there a problem?” Princess Celestia asked. “I can assure you there’s little danger. She will have a wing of the Sun Shield escorting her from the Bridge of Days to Hejm. Once in the World Below she’ll be escorted by the Troll Guard. They are exceptionally formidable, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.”

“The fight between Sun Hammer and the old king?” John asked. Celestia nodded.

“Lady Teelo will be as safe here as she would be in your own world. You needn’t worry about her wellbeing.”

“I’m her mother, Your Highness. I worry about her every minute she’s out of my sight.” Elaine said quietly. “Just out of curiosity, what would happen if she didn’t come back this summer?”

“The trolls regard a promise given as sacred, Lady Elaine.” Celestia replied calmly. “If Lady Teelo did not return the tentative peace established between Equestria and the World Below would vanish. War might be inevitable since the trolls would blame us for Lady Teelo’s failure to return. By troll logic, Equestria controls the Bridge of Days, which is the only connection they have to their queen and their holiest relic. Do remember, abstract logic is not a troll strong suit.”

“So my daughter becomes a sacrifice for the good of your kingdom? She’ll never be free of this place?” Elaine asked coldly.

“Hardly.” Celestia protested. “Lady Teelo has always acted of her own free will. She chose to save me when I was about to die. And then she chose Crush from all the weapons available in our armory. She chose to fight Discord. She chose to return to save our world from utter destruction. Now she has chosen to promise the king she would return during her summers. It would be poor thanks indeed if we were to sacrifice such a hero’s happiness for our own selfish benefit, Lady Elaine.”

“On the other hand, it’s really no different than if she were going to study abroad.” John said quickly. “Or if she were away at camp.”

“Some camp.” Elaine snorted. “All those huge creatures with sharp teeth and claws? Thousands of them? Teagan would be there all alone, John! That’s what they’re asking her to do. You saw what one troll did to Sun Hammer. Teagan wouldn’t stand a chance if they turned on her!”

“There is absolutely no chance of that, Lady Elaine.” The princess said with such certainty Elaine lost most of her momentum.

“How can you be so certain, Your Highness?” She asked.

“Trolls are—reliable.” Celestia said, choosing her words carefully. “Even predictable. While they are extremely stubborn almost all of them are very straightforward and extremely lawful. In many ways they are quite admirable. I have dealt with them for a thousand years. Lady Teelo will be safe with them. I give you my word as the ruler of Equestria and Sheppard of the Sun.”

“Have you ever had children, Your Highness?” Elaine asked.

“I have never born a child, Lady Elaine.” Celestia said solemnly. “But all my little ponies are my children. I do understand how hard it is to watch them grow up and become adults, to make the mistakes you yourself would never make. I have done it for a thousand years and sometimes I’ve lost my children to monsters or mischance. I know what is being asked of you. I know your pain.”

“How can I let my child go into danger, Princess?” Elaine asked. “She’s the only one I have.”

“Trust me. One or thousands, it makes no difference.” The Princess replied. “It is true some of my children are closer to me than others. My student, Twilight Sparkle, is particularly close to my heart. I taught her magic and guided her as best I could. And she has made me very proud of her.”

The princess smiled fondly, remembering.

“But I also place a great burden on her.” She continued, sobering. “I trust her to save the world, Lady Elaine. I trust her to make decisions on her own, with almost nothing to guide her. I trust her to follow her instincts as well as her knowledge.”

The alicorn gave the woman a look that sent shivers down her spine.

“So tell me, Lady Elaine of Clan O’Gara…do you trust your daughter?”

Party Animals

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In which a princess is answered, we discover not all pies are created equal, and an artist gains recognition.

“Hail, Dronning Teagan!” The troll soldier bowed his head. “I am Skrent. This is my brother Flint. We both speak pony tongue, as you requested. We shall serve as your bodyguard, and pledge our lives to your safety!”

Teagan winced, both from the volume of the troll’s announcement and his promise. Trolls didn’t lie, and she doubted these soldiers were cut from the same cloth as the Snøskred. So when he said they pledged their lives, he was being literal.

Gotta love troll dedication, she thought ruefully. But I could live without the guilt. Note to self, avoid dangerous bakeries while shopping today…

“Do these two satisfy you, my queen?” The king asked. “They are not the most skilled of my guard, but they have both served with bravery and distinction. I trust them to keep you safe.”

“Can you keep your heads if provoked?” She asked Skrent.

“If you so order.” Skrent said, nodding solemnly. “I have heard tales of your prowess, Dronning Teagan. How you wielded Mountain Heart and defeated Discord in single combat. I am honored to serve such great queen!”

“What about you, Flint?” She turned to the other troll.

“I obey. Keep you safe.” Flint said, face neutral. Teagan’s eyes narrowed. She’d seen that neutral expression before.

“I see. Do you understand why I asked that question?” She asked him.

“Ponies see stupid trolls, they laugh.” Flint said shortly. “Smashing them makes trouble for you. So we will not.”

“I have got to introduce you to my friend.” Teagan said with a ghost of a smile. “I think you’ll really like him. Well, come on you two. I don’t want to keep everyone waiting. Fjell, would you like me to get you anything while I’m out?”

“No, my queen. I need nothing at the moment.” He said, obviously surprised by her offer.

“See you when I get back, then.” Teagan said cheerfully. She was looking forward to this. No worries, just a carefree day of shopping with her friends.

What could possibly go wrong?

ooOoo

Elaine stared at the alicorn, feeling like she’d been punched in the stomach. She tried to say something, but couldn’t think of anything in the face of that kindly, knowing stare. John didn’t try to come to her defense either, the weasel. He was waiting for her to answer the princess herself.

“Of course I trust her! But there are limits, Your Highness. She’s a sixteen year-old girl, still just a child! She isn’t strong enough or wise enough to be fighting wars and ruling trolls or Lord knows what else!”

“Are you quite certain of that?” Celestia asked gently. “The first time she came to us, she was lost and afraid and even younger than she is now. Yet that frightened child saved my life using nothing but her wits and her tongue against a cunning master trickster born at the dawn of the world.”

“When all seemed lost and she was lying there utterly humiliated, she still found the courage to rise against a monster and save the world.”

Celestia kept her regard mild and her voice soft as she continued.

“Your daughter is a hero, Lady Elaine. When Equestria needed her most, she came back and forged an alliance between humans and ponies and trolls. She mastered Mountain Heart and with that deed proved herself worthy to be queen of the trolls.”

“She has the instincts she needs to be queen, the courage to do what is right and the heart to see it through. The whole world is in her debt, Lady Elaine! She has friends here, and many powerful allies. She may be young but I believe she is a child no longer.”

“Besides,” Celestia suddenly chuckled, “it’s only for three months. She will be well guarded. Kongen Fjell may have been—prejudiced—by the death of his father, but he is not a bad king. He will be the one to actually rule the trolls, as he has done for some years now. His true agenda is merely to have Lady Teelo gain a bond with her subjects, the same way she has a bond with us. Surely that is no bad thing?”

“It draws her away from Earth, Your Highness. The more involved she becomes with Equestria the harder it will be for her to have a normal human life. Surely you understand that?” Elaine asked. “How can she get married and have a family if she’s the only human here?”

Celestia paused, clearly giving Elaine’s words serious thought.

“Lady Teelo has already expressed a desire to return to your world.” Celestia said carefully. “I would not dream of keeping her in Equestria if she does not desire to stay. We owe her too much to do that. But has she not also said she misses her friends here? Is it impossible for her to live in both worlds?”

“I can’t see how she could do that, Your Highness.” John entered the conversation for the first time. “Even assuming she could find a man willing to believe in Equestria—and that’s a pretty tall order all by itself—how would their children react? Expecting them to keep this place a secret is just plain cruel. They couldn’t do it.”

“Besides, how could Teagan keep a job on Earth if she has to come back here whenever there’s trouble? People have responsibilities. You can’t just drop everything and vanish without warning! No employer would tolerate that.” Elaine pointed out.

“I know that better than anyone.” The princess said ruefully. “However, if it is merely a matter of finances then it won’t be a problem. Investigator Lewis has already remarked to me how common gold and gems are in Equestria compared to your world. She told me a couple of pounds of gold and a handful of gems would more than pay the fee for the services she’s rendered us. By our standards that’s a paltry sum, no more than a week’s wage for most ponies.”

“Of course as queen of the trolls Lady Teelo receives a generous stipend and certainly Equestria would be willing to contribute as well.”

Elaine and John stared at the princess, thinking about the “paltry” sum of two pounds of gold and a handful of jewels…

“Well, that takes one problem away.” John admitted. “But there’s still the whole secrecy thing. That really puts a crimp in a relationship.”

“But I thought—” Celestia began, and then stopped.

“Thought what, Your Highness?” Elaine asked.

“Aren’t Lady Teelo and Matthew involved?” Celestia asked hesitantly. “They seem quite comfortable in each other’s company. Perhaps I am wrong?”

“You had better be.” Elaine growled. “He’s older than John! If he did anything I’ll skin him alive!”

“Calm down, Elaine.” John said soothingly. “You know better than that. Matt wouldn’t do anything, he’s a gentleman. Your Highness, Is it possible you mistook friendship for something else? Humans aren’t ponies, so maybe you misread the situation?”

“No doubt you’re right, Lord O’Gara.” The alicorn said. “I’m terribly sorry if I implied anything improper was going on between them. I certainly didn’t mean to impugn anyone’s character! I hold both the Lieutenant and your daughter in the highest regard.”

“It’s all right, Your Highness.” John said quickly. “You’ve only seen one human male so you couldn’t know. Matt is much older than Teagan. Any romance between them would be unthinkable.”

“I see. He seems to be extremely strong, much stronger than Lady Teelo, in fact. Perhaps that’s why I didn’t realize he was old.”

“Well, he’s not really old, Your Highness.” Elaine said. “He’s middle-aged, forty-six or forty-seven if I recall. I have to admit he’s in better shape than a lot of younger men though. I think it’s all the martial arts he does.”

The uncomfortable conversation was thankfully derailed by the arrival of Marigold towing a small cart filled with food. All three gratefully let the subject drop as the humans quickly unloaded the cart, much to the bemusement of both Marigold and Celestia.

But as the three settled down to some serious eating everyone agreed the food was excellent.

ooOoo

“What’s keeping her?” Rainbow Dash asked impatiently for the fifth time in fifteen minutes. “At this rate we won’t have any time to shop!”

“Heavy hangs the head that wears the crown.” Matt said calmly. “She’ll be along, Dash.”

“I can’t believe Teelo is a queen!” Fluttershy said excitedly. “Her Royal Majesty! I’m so happy for her!”

“I’m not so sure, Fluttershy.” Twilight said. “I’ve seen how hard Princess Celestia works. Being the ruler of a whole country is no picnic.”

“I reckon Teelo’s got what it takes.” Applejack declared. “We all seen her when the chips were down. She’s no quitter. Stubborn as any troll, that gal.”

“Yeah, and you oughta know stubborn, Applejack!” Rainbow Dash teased her friend, who just grinned.

“Reckon Ah does got a stubborn streak, right ‘nough.” The orange pony admitted. “Comes in mighty handy sometimes.”

“You’re one to talk, darling.” Rarity said to the blue pegasus. “You’re just as stubborn as dear Applejack.”

“Who, me?” Rainbow Dash asked, raising her eyebrows. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The rest of her friends burst into laughter, making the pegasus grin. Matt and Evelyn exchanged a look over the ponies’ heads.

“Looking forward to going home?” Evelyn asked the soldier. That caught the ponies’ attention.

“Yeah. This place is a lot of fun, but Jerry’s no good with the paperwork. I shudder to think what my desk looks like right now.” Matt said. “He’s a good instructor but couldn’t admin his way out of a paper bag.”

“Will you ever come back to see us?” Twilight asked. He grinned.

“Well, since Squirt is coming back every year for the summer, I might just tag along now and again.” He said with a grin. “Who knows? Might even retire here one of these days if the Princess would allow it.”

“Pinkie will be happy to hear that.” Fluttershy said with a smile.

“Ah, my favorite cupcake eater.” Matt chuckled. “Where is she, anyway?”

“She’s getting ready for the you-know-what.” Spike said, breaking away from his dreamy gaze at Rarity. “What do we say if Teelo asks?”

“Pinkie got a rare chance to get a lesson from the great Prance baker Magnifique.” Rarity said smoothly. “An honor so rare it is only extended once in a pony’s lifetime. It’s an astounding coincidence, how Magnifique just happened to be here at the castle, really. She is in such demand among the hoi polloi you know.”

“That works.” Evelyn said, nodding.

“What about you, Evelyn? Will you come back to visit?” Fluttershy asked.

“I’m afraid it would have to be a working vacation.” Evelyn laughed. “Equestria’s economics are really incompatible with Earth’s. Did you know a single bit is worth almost eight hundred dollars? Even a small gem will fetch a few thousand!”

Matt whistled. “Talk about a one-sided exchange rate! Guess I’ll have to save my pennies.”

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked, confused. “Is a dollar a small coin in your world?”

“Nope.” Evelyn smiled. “A dollar is worth a hundred of our smallest coins. Your coins are made of 22kt gold, which is very valuable back on Earth. Bits are 12 parts gold to 1 part copper, and your coins weigh 16 grams, a little over half a troy ounce. That’s about 80,000 of our smallest coins.”

“Whoa.” Rainbow Dash said, impressed.

“Of course a penny’s pretty worthless.” Matt interjected. “They don’t even have pieces of candy that cost a penny anymore.”

“Remember when Fluttershy wanted to buy a cherry and the vendor wanted two bits? That’s sixteen hundred dollars. Pretty expensive cherry!” The investigator laughed.

“We do not talk about that day.” Rarity said primly. “Fluttershy was simply not herself.”

“But she came back to herself very nicely.” Evelyn countered as the yellow pegasus blushed and hung her head. “The way she firmly but politely stood up to that minotaur? I for one was very impressed. I’ve even used it as inspiration for dealing with difficult clients.”

“Oh, my.” Fluttershy brought her head up in surprise. “Really?”

“Really.” The woman nodded firmly. “You did good, Fluttershy. I just wish more humans could learn from your example.”

The compliment reduced the pink and yellow pegasus to blushing silence.

ooOoo

Teagan you idiot! Never ask what can possibly go wrong, numbskull! Teagan berated herself as she got the first indication her shopping trip might not go as smoothly as she’d hoped.

She was watching the trolls and the ponies maneuver around her and each other like cats circling, just before the fur starts to fly. She had a half dozen of the Sun Shield and the two trolls either flanking or trailing her as she made her way along the castle corridors.

The trolls tried to cover either side while staying roughly behind her while the ponies flanking her tried discreetly to herd the trolls and prevent them from keeping their stations. She might not have noticed it if she hadn’t spent the year training with Matt, who was a firm believer in keeping situational awareness at all times.

What made it worse was everyone was doing their best to keep her from noticing their silent scuffle. She began taking childish delight in pausing here and there to admire the castle’s décor while really keeping an eye on her two different escorts.

It was quite the circus. She would have enjoyed it except the constant subtle motions around her were triggering all sorts of alarms, thanks to Matt’s training, and they just wouldn’t stop.

“OK, hold up guys!” She finally said, turning around and walking backwards. The entire comedy troupe stumbled to a halt, trying not to collide with each other.

“Updraft, you’re in charge of the wing, right?” She asked. She’d gotten better at recognizing individual ponies underneath the armor and magic that served as the Sun Shield uniform.

A burly pony nodded.

“Good. Then take us to the nearest available meeting room.” Her tone didn’t quite stray over the line into impoliteness.

“Yes, Lady Teagan.” The pegasi moved into the lead and brought the group to a large empty room with a table surrounded by cushions. After everyone filed inside Teagan closed the door with the careful precision of someone who would really rather slam it.

“All of you sit down.” She growled. “I don’t care if you’re next to a pony or a troll, understand? Just sit down.” She glared around the table. Wordlessly the two groups obeyed her, shifting eyes revealing both groups’ tension as the trolls found themselves separated by a pair of ponies. The ponies didn’t look happy about it either.

“Updraft, what is your rank in the Sun Shield?” Teagan asked him.

“Wing leader, Lady Teagan.” He said in a neutral tone. She’d heard Matt use that tone too, and knew the wing leader was being careful not to anger her further. She found she really didn’t care—which was a bad warning sign. She took a deep breath and clamped down on her temper.

“And what are your orders?” She asked more calmly.

“To act as your guard, ma’am.” The pegasus said with that very special lack of expression that Teagan knew so very well, having learned to use it around Matt. “To keep you safe.”

“Your orders come from Shining Armor?” She asked.

“Yes, ma’am. Given to him by Princess Celestia herself.” The pegasus said.

“Is it true that, within reason, you will obey my orders? For example, to go one place or go another? Like coming to this room?”

“Yes, Lady Teagan. We’re to follow your orders unless those orders would, in my opinion, endanger your life.”

“Very good, wing leader. Thank you.” She turned her attention to the older troll brother.

“Skrent, what are your orders?”

“To guard you with our lives, Dronning Teagan.” He said in a proud tone of voice, every inch the dedicated warrior.

“And who gave you those orders?”

“Kongen Fjell himself, Dronning. You were there.”

“Will you follow my orders?” She asked.

“Of course. We have pledged our lives to you.” Skrent said solemnly. His brother nodded. She saw a couple of the ponies looking at the trolls with slightly widened eyes. Skrent had surprised them.

“Updraft, did you see my fight with Discord?” She asked, still standing by the door.

“Yes, Lady Teagan. At least until you broke Discord’s arm.” The pony responded. “Everypony outside was able to see it.”

“What is your professional assessment of that fight?” She asked, mentally bracing herself.

He hesitated, clearly unwilling to speak.

“Don’t be shy, wing leader. Tell me the truth.”

“I—would rather not, Lady Teagan. With all due respect.” He said.

She laughed.

“Very diplomatic, Updraft! Since you’re being so chivalrous let me tell everyone else what you’re being too kind to say.”

She swept her gaze around the table.

“I got lucky. If Discord hadn’t been so damned full of himself, and had simply attacked once, he’d have splattered me across that clearing like a can of paint.”

She saw the look of stunned disbelief on the trolls’ faces. Even the ponies were showing faint signs of incredulity.

“Sun Hammer gave me fifteen minutes of advice on how to fight. That was the sum total of my lifetime combat experience.”

She nodded as she looked around the table.

“Every one of you is a soldier. So you know how big a miracle my winning that fight really was. And I’ll bet every single one of you now plans to guard me like I’m some kind of fragile little doll.”

She bared her teeth in an expression that wasn’t a smile.

“But that was then, gentlemen, and this is now. I’ve spent the last eleven months training with Matthew Sanders—the same man that led the expedition against Tišina. He’s one of the finest soldiers on Earth and he taught me how to fight. How to make Crush an extension of my own arm. How to see everything around me in terms of threats and potential weapons against those threats.”

She laughed.

“Did you really think you were being subtle, gentlemen? I saw the maneuvering by both sides. All of you are letting your pride and prejudices get in the way of doing your jobs! That keeps me from doing my job and that makes me very unhappy. Are we clear on this?”

“Yes, Lady Teagan.” Updraft said, saluting crisply, clearly unwilling to risk her further displeasure.

“Ja, Dronning Teagan.” The oldest troll brother bowed his head in respect, reverting to Trollish instinctively.

“This is what I propose. I know you’re both under orders to guard me and you both take that duty very seriously. Kongen Fjell and Princess Celestia trust you to keep me safe. Believe me when I say I don’t want to make your jobs any harder! But I think I know a way you can do that and be more effective at the same time.”

She pointed at the trolls.

“Skrent and Flint are brothers and have served together for a long time. They know how to fight together and they’re close-in combat specialists. Those claws combined with that reach means very little is going to get past them. Anything that does is going to meet Crush coming the other way.”

“On the other hand, the Sun Shield is faster, you know how to fight as a team and you can fly. That makes you perfect for keeping threats at a distance, either on the ground or in the air. On Earth we call this a layered defense. Anything that punches through the outer shell hits a second, equally nasty, wall. And if they make it through the second wall the third wall takes them down.”

She smiled. “Wing leader, would you want to fight your way through the Sun Shield and then have to get by a pair of highly trained and very angry trolls? Only to have a mountain smack you in the face if you did manage it?”

“No ma’am, I would not.” He said firmly.

“In your professional opinion are these tactics sound?”

He nodded.

“Skrent, what do you think?”

“They are sound, Dronning.” The troll replied. “I see no flaw. My only complaint is ponies will do most of fighting while we stand idly by. That hardly seems fair.”

“Fair to whom, Skrent? The ponies? Or your sense of honor?” Teagan asked.

Skrent hesitated, blindsided by her question. As she continued to gaze at him with an expectant expression he realized she really wanted an answer.

“Strange question, Dronning.” He said slowly. “I must think on this. I have no answer for you now.”

Teagan smiled, pleased the troll hadn’t blurted out an answer. Maybe ordinary trolls aren’t as stupid as everyone assumes, she thought.

“Fair enough.” She said aloud. “Updraft, if the tactical situation were reversed and the ponies were the inner ring with the trolls making first contact, would you think it was unfair to the trolls?”

She looked him in the eye, daring him to give her a quick answer.

“No, Lady Teagan. To each creature the task best suited them.” He finally said. “Let me also add the Sun Shield being the outer ring and having to bear the brunt of any fighting was something we expected to do anyway, before we knew the trolls were joining us. In that respect nothing has changed.”

“So, will the ponies and the trolls cooperate and stop the foolish game you were playing in the hallway?” Teagan asked, looking back and forth between Updraft and Skrent. The two of them had the grace to look uncomfortable.

“We will, Dronning Teagan. My oath on it.” Skrent said, bowing his head again.

“Yes, Lady Teagan.” Updraft said, saluting her again.

“Very good. Now, gentlemen, let me tell you what my mission is for today.” She said, smiling widely.

ooOoo

“Hi guys, sorry I’m late!” Teagan said almost running into the room.

“Finally! What took you so—whoa!” Rainbow Dash took two quick steps back as the trolls came striding in behind the girl, towering over the ponies. Two of the Sun Shield took up positions to either side of the door as two more flanked the trolls. The pegasus craned her neck and stared up at the trolls with wide eyes.

“Just some last minute details I had to straighten out.” Teagan said, settling gratefully on the padded stool left empty for her.

“Aren’t you going to introduce your new friends?” Matt asked mildly.

“Oh! Everyone, this is Skrent and his brother Flint. They’re my bodyguards. The king assigned them to me. Skrent, Flint, this is Matthew Sanders, I told you about him, and Evelyn Lewis, a private investigator. The blue pegasus giving you the wide-eyed look is Rainbow Dash.”

“Hey!” She protested indignantly.

“And here we have Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, and hiding under the table is Fluttershy, one of my dearest friends. Oh, and I can’t forget Spike, the brave dragon who destroyed a tulpa that Discord sent to attack us!”

“That’s me.” Spike said jauntily, hooking a thumb into his chest and grinning at the trolls.

“Vel møtt.” Skrent nodded to the group. Flint nodded as well but didn’t say anything. Both trolls were doing their best to obey Teagan’s instructions about looming, but were having a hard time of it. Looming was kind of the point for trolls.

“Hey, where’s Pinkie?” Teagan asked, noticing how quiet and peaceful the room was.

“She got an invitation, darling. Magnifique, the famous Prance baker is here at the palace! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. Personal instruction from the master, herself! She simply couldn’t miss it.” Rarity said smoothly.

“Oh, well I guess we’ll meet up with her later. Hey Matt, you and Flint should talk, I think you two would really hit it off.” Teagan said as she stood up.

“Oh?” Matt raised an eyebrow, looking over at the troll who stared back impassively.

“He’s got a sense of humor just like yours.” Teagan laughed. “Let’s get going guys, before all the good stuff’s gone!”

The shopping trip was exactly what Teagan needed to settle her nerves after the roller-coaster ride of the past three weeks. The presence of the trolls in the street was largely ignored by the cosmopolitan citizens of Canterlot, which reassured Teagan that her plans weren’t completely doomed.

She was so reassured in fact that she decided to try an experiment. Spotting a pie vendor she was struck with a sudden sharp pang of hunger and asked Fluttershy to read the prices to her. When the group had moved past she turned to Skrent.

“Skrent, I have a small job for you. Think you’re up to it?”

“Of course, Dronning!” He straightened, coming to attention.

“Good. Here’s six bits. I want you to go back to that pie vendor and buy three pies, one for me, and two more for you and your brother. Remember to say ‘please’ when you ask for the pies and ‘thank you’ afterward, all right?”

“Yes, Dronning.” He said with considerably less enthusiasm. He eyed the pony running the stand like she was a cockatrice, but accepted the money Teagan gave him.

“Darling, was that wise?” Rarity asked in concern, watching as the troll moved slowly toward the pie stand. The mare watched him come, her stance betraying just a hint of nervousness.

“It will be fine.” Teagan said confidently.

“It’s just that trolls aren’t the—oh dear,” Rarity trailed off.

Skrent had reached the pie stand and was speaking to the mare, who said something back. The troll scratched his head and said something else. The mare shook her head and pointed at her sign. Teagan began to get a cold feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Fluttershy, you said the pies were two bits each, right?” Teagan asked.

Fluttershy nodded. “That’s what the sign said. That’s about right for butterscotch pies. I wonder what the problem is? You gave him six bits, I saw you.”

“Teelo, darling, maybe we should—” Rarity started to say when the mare stomped her hoof and glared at the troll, who backed away a step. They didn’t hear what he said but the mare screeched like a cat whose tail had just been stomped on. She stepped from behind her stall and lowered her head, pawing the ground.

“Oh, that’s not good.” Teagan said as she started jogging toward Skrent, who was backing away from the angry pony. Naturally, Flint followed her and the Sun Shield followed them both. Rarity and Fluttershy looked at each other and broke into a trot toward the rapidly deteriorating situation. The other ponies would have followed but Matt put a restraining hand on Twilight’s shoulder.

“Let the Squirt handle it.” He said mildly. “She’s the queen, remember?”

“But—” Twilight gestured toward the quarrel.

More ponies were joining the pie seller now and as the volume of the voices increased so did their heat. By the time Teagan arrived there were a dozen angry ponies backing the mare and she was shouting at Skrent, whose face was carefully neutral. Since he couldn’t smash the ponies he seemed at a loss to what he should do.

“Stupid troll! Insultin’ an honest business pony and trying ta steal the very bread from her mout’! Why don’t ye go back to the mountains where ye belong?”

Teagan stepped in front of Skrent, making the pony pause in mid rant. She stared at the girl, eyes widening.

“Is there a problem, ma’am?” Teagan said as Flint and the Sun Shield arrived on the scene. The mare’s supporters, suddenly realizing that they were facing the Royal Guard, began to quietly back away.

“Don’t tink ye can intimidate me you, you—what e’er ye are! Trolls or no trolls you’re not gonna scare Milseáin Torte! You dere, guards! Arrest dis troll! He tried to steal me pies!”

The guard ponies ignored her.

“Miss Torte, there seems to be some misunderstanding here.” Teagan spoke soothingly. “I got hungry and asked my friend to get some pies for us. I gave him money, wasn’t it enough? Six bits for three pies?”

“Six bits buys tree slices.” The pony said. “Can’t ye read da sign?”

“No, actually I can’t.” Teagan said quietly. “But I asked my pegasus friend how much they were and she told me your sign said 2 bits. She also said that was about normal for a butterscotch pie. How much are your pies, Miss Torte?”

“Twenty bits.” The pony said haughtily. “And dat’s wit’ a gen’rous four bit discount from da slice price too! Dese aren’t yer ordinary pies, missy! They’re Royal Equestrian Supremes! Da best in all da land! Why, the Princess herself can’t be getting’ a better pie dan mine! And everypony knows it!”

Fluttershy and Rarity were standing behind the guard pegasi, who were surrounding Teagan and the trolls on three sides. The yellow pegasus was trembling.

“This is all my fault.” She whimpered quietly.

“No, darling, it isn’t.” Rarity said firmly. “Two bits a slice? That’s outrageous! The Princess couldn’t get a better pie indeed! Hmph. Who does this pie seller think she is?”

“But I told Teelo and she believed me and now look at the mess I’ve made!” Fluttershy hung her head. “I’ve got to go explain things before somepony gets hurt.”

Rarity stepped in front of her.

“No, dear Fluttershy. You stay right there. Let Teelo sort this out. It will be good practice for her. She’s a queen after all. This is what rulers do.”

“Are you sure, Rarity?” There were tears building up in the gentle pony’s eyes.

“Yes, I’m very sure, darling. Now hush, I want to hear this.”

During their conversation Teagan had kept talking.

“All right,” Teagan said mildly. “That explains why he didn’t have enough money. But it doesn’t explain why you’re confronting him.”

“He called me a liar. To me face! Demanded three pies as bold as ye please! Dat’s sixty bits and he was wanting ta give me six!”

“I told him your pies were 2 bits apiece because that’s what I believed.” Teagan said, trying to calm the pony down. “I apologize for this terrible misunderstanding. It wasn’t his fault, it was mine.”

“And why should he be believin’ ye over me, ye skinny bean pole? I dunno what ye are but—”

Two very angry growls from behind her chilled Teagan’s blood. Those growls reached down to the primitive part of her brain, the part still afraid of saber-tooth tigers. She paled.

The pony in front of her became very quiet, mouth hanging open. The guard pegasi tensed unhappily, aware they were caught up in a serious conflict of orders.

“Skrent, Flint, enough. Thank you.” Teagan said without turning around, somehow making her voice steady. Poker face was no problem. Poker voice, now that was harder…

Thankfully the trolls fell silent. Teagan relaxed, but the pony in front of her didn’t. Teagan had no doubt the trolls were glaring. After all, she hadn’t told them they couldn’t.

“You want to know what I am, Miss Torte? I am Teagan Laoise, scion of clan O’Gara.” Teagan said in an icy clam voice. “Better known in Equestria as Lady Teagan, and known among the trolls as Dronning Av Fjellet, Queen of the Mountain. I am the queen of all trolls.”

“By the way, those Royal guards you asked to arrest this troll? They’re members of the Sun Shield, the personal bodyguard of Princess Celestia herself. But right now they are my bodyguards, Miss Torte, by direct order of the Princess. The two trolls glaring at you are part of my bodyguard too, my personal bodyguards, entrusted to me by Kongen Fjell, king of the trolls.”

“And that, Miss Torte, is why Skrent believed me instead of you.” Teagan was speaking quietly now. The earth pony was watching Teagan, her legs quivering ever so slightly.

“Again, I do apologize for this misunderstanding. It was entirely my fault and I accept the blame for it. So rather than cause any more of a scene, why don’t you go back to your stand, we’ll be on our way, and we both forget this whole unfortunate affair ever happened. Deal?”

The mare blinked several times, and then nodded her head jerkily.

“Sorry.” She muttered. “If I’d known who he was—”

Teagan felt her temper flare. “Don’t.” She said in a quietly dangerous voice. “Don’t you dare say you’d have been nicer to him if you knew he was a queen’s bodyguard. Go back to your pies, Miss Torte. Because you just lost any sympathy I had to give you. If you’re very lucky you may learn a lesson from this and treat the next stranger with more kindness than you did my friend. Go away, Miss Torte. And fix your damn sign!”

Teagan spun on her heel.

“Let’s go.” She growled, stalking between the two trolls, who silently followed her. She found Rarity and Fluttershy, the former wearing an expression of awe and the latter with tears running down her face.

“Teelo, I’m so sorry! This is all my fault!” She exclaimed wretchedly.

Teagan hugged the crying pegasus with both arms.

“Silly filly.” She said, letting go. “It is so not your fault. The sign did say two bits! You couldn’t have known. So don’t worry about it. Come on, I’m still hungry. Let’s find someplace that’s not so incredibly expensive.”

Matt grinned at her as she rejoined the rest of the party.

“Crisis averted? Not too shabby, Squirt!”

“Yeah, well, she made me mad. Bigoted idiot.” Teagan groused. “Skrent, I want to apologize. I never would have asked you to do that if I’d realized those damn pies were so expensive. You did exactly the right thing. I’m proud of you.”

“But all I did was stand there, Dronning.” Skrent answered, puzzled.

“Exactly. And that was precisely what you should have done. Thank you. I know that had to be embarrassing.”

“I am honored you consider me your friend, Dronning.” Skrent said quietly. “To know that I would endure far worse.”

Teagan stared at him, surprised. Recovering quickly she asked the important question.

“By the way, what did you say to her? She said you called her a liar?”

“I did not. I said her sign said two bits and I was offering her six bits for three pies, just as her sign asked. And now she was asking for much more money, which wasn’t right.”

Matt chuckled, making Teagan glare at him.

“Honest troll meets sharp business pony.” Matt said. “Squirt, you have your work cut out for you. Cross cultural misunderstandings are a serious problem. They’ve bitten me a time or two, and it usually ends in tears. I’d tread carefully if I were you, Your Majesty. You might not be so lucky next time.”

“It was just a freaking pie Matt!” She protested.

“Nope.” He said. “That’s what nobody ever understands. It wasn’t just a pie. Skrent saw a cheater. That mare saw a thief. Neither one had a clue they were wrong. That’s why it nearly ended up in a brawl, because her friends were going to help her and you were going to help him. Wars start that way, Teelo.”

“Over a pie?” She asked incredulously.

“Over a misunderstanding.” Matt corrected her. “It’s usually something small that starts it. Mistrust on both sides, hard feelings over a disagreement, friends jumping in to help, and before you know it you have a diplomatic incident. Too many of those and you have a war.”

Teagan shivered. The trolls were looking at Matt with interest.

“Teelo’s right. That mare was just a hothead.” Rainbow Dash said dismissively. “Skrent wasn’t doing anything wrong! He wasn’t trying to pick a fight!”

“Tell that to the dozen ponies backing her up.” Matt said, meeting her gaze. “If they’d charged he would have either had to run or fight. Guess which one he’d choose?”

“Matthew Sanders is right, Dronning.” Skrent said. “I would not have run.”

“Of course I am.” He sighed. “Guys, I’ve seen way too much of exactly this kind of thing. It only takes one hothead to ignite a crowd. You should thank the Sun Shield, Teelo. They were the ones that made her friends back off.”

“Updraft, do you think it could have gotten ugly?” Teelo asked the wing leader.

He nodded. “Lieutenant Sanders is absolutely right, Lady Teagan. If we hadn’t been there those ponies would have mobbed you. You could have gotten badly hurt in the fight—or had to hurt your attackers. There’s a reason the Princess assigns guards to foreign dignitaries.”

“I guess getting ponies and trolls to be allies is going to be harder than I thought.” Teagan said with a sigh. “Ponies aren’t supposed to be bigots! They’re supposed to be friendly!”

Applejack spoke up.

“Some folks jes’ don’t think, Teelo. Now, you take us, we’re easy going, even Dashie. Up on the ice everypony had ta work together. Trolls, ponies, humans, it made no never mind ‘cause Tišina weren’t choosy who she stuck with them there stingers o’ hers. Meanin’ we got ta know the Alene and the Snøskred right well. But the ponies here in Canterlot, they’re kinda snooty anyways. They don’t know the trolls like we do. An’ they don’t wanna, cause city folk stick together, you know? Even we ain’t always welcome, an’ we’re ponies too.”

“Maybe I’m being naïve. Maybe I should just give up.” Teagan said, shoulders slumping.

“Whoa, now pardner! Ain’t nobody said nothin’ ‘bout givin’ up!” Applejack said hastily. “Trolls an’ ponies shouldn’t be fightin’, and that’s a fact. You’re gonna do a heap o’ good fer both sides, Teelo. Don’t be givin’ up jes’ cause some folks is ornery. Way I figur’ it, the more friends ya got, the better off yer gonna be.”

“Friendship is magic?” She asked with a wan smile.

“Durn tootin’!” Applejack said firmly.

“That’s why I’m in Ponyville, Teelo.” Twilight said. “To study the magic of friendship. There’s nothing more powerful.”

“Looks to me like someone’s got low blood sugar.” Evelyn noted. “Maybe we should get you something to eat? You’ll feel better.”

“I had a huge breakfast.” Teagan protested. “I shouldn’t be hungry yet! But I’m starved. I’ve been eating like a horse ever since I got here and I’m actually losing weight!”

Matt’s eyes narrowed.

“Have you felt any kind of abdominal pain?” He asked.

She shook her head.

“No, why?”

“Tapeworms.” He said succinctly.

“I don’t think so.” Teagan said drily.

“You’ve been losing weight while still eating large amounts of food.” He pointed out. “That’s not normal. We’ve all been getting way too much exercise but that ended a few days ago so the hunger should have passed.”

“All right, all right. I’ll go to the doctor next week after we’re home, ok? Now can we find some food? Please?” She asked.

Matt relented and they found an open air café where the others ate a light snack. Teagan had a full pony’s serving—which was four times the size of a human one. Even more surprising, she didn’t feel stuffed afterward, just pleasantly full.

The meal restored her spirits and the group spent another two hours shopping without further incident.

ooOoo

As they made their way into the castle the group was met by Faerie Mist.

“Greetings, Lady Teagan.” She said, smiling widely. “I trust your outing was pleasant?”

“I enjoyed it.” Teagan returned her smile.

“Princess Celestia asked if you could join her in the Dawn garden.” Faerie Mist reported.

“Good. I need to speak with her anyway.” Teagan said, face turning serious. Faerie Mist blinked.

“Is something wrong, Lady Teagan?” The lady-in-waiting asked in a concerned tone.

“Not really, I just need her advice on something.” Teagan said, shaking her head.

“I’m sure the Princess would be happy to give it to you. If you’ll all follow me then?”

“What, all of us?” Teagan asked, surprised. Rainbow Dash snickered and Applejack nudged her sharply.

“Of course.” Faerie Mist said innocently. Teagan’s eyes narrowed, suddenly aware that her friends were all smiling.

At her.

“Ok, what’s going on?” She demanded.

“Not a thing, sugarplum.” Applejack protested with a wide grin on her face.

“This way, Lady Teagan.” Faerie Mist set off, leaving Teagan little choice but to follow.

When they arrived at the garden Teagan found banners strung from the trees and tables sagging from the weight of the food on them. Pinkie was standing next to Princess Celestia, beaming proudly.

The banners were in Equestrian, which Teagan still couldn’t read. Something else for me to learn, she thought in exasperation.

Pinkie bounced over to her, blowing a party favor as she came.

“Hi Teelo! Welcome to my Welcome To Equestria party!” Pinkie said, laughing. “We’ve got cakes and pies and cupcakes and punch and all kinds of party games!”

“Welcome to Equestria?” Teagan said in puzzlement. “Pinkie I’ve been here for weeks. This is my second trip!”

“I know that, Silly!” Pinkie said. “It’s a surprise party for you!”

“Why ‘Welcome to Equestria’?” Teagan repeated patiently. Patience was a valuable asset when dealing with Pinkie Pie.

“That’s the surprise! Have fun!” She spun away and raced to the punch bowl, where she started preparing her special punch.

Teagan turned to the trolls. “Hey, you two. If Pinkie offers you punch to drink make sure you take a very small first sip. It’s potent stuff.”

“Yes, Dronning.” Skrent said.

“And you two have the rest of the day off. Enjoy the party, that’s an order.” Teagan said, smiling. “Consider it an apology for what happened this afternoon.”

“There is no need, Dronning!” Skrent protested. “You were blameless.”

Teagan shook her head. “I insist. Look, Pinkie Pie throws the best parties around, I really don’t want you to miss it. Please? As a personal favor to me?”

“Of course, Dronning. And thank you.” Both trolls bowed to her and moved to one of the food tables.

Drawing a deep breath Teagan made her way over to Princess Celestia.

“Why so serious, Lady Teelo?” The princess asked, levitating a cupcake in front of her where she could easily reach it. “This is your party, enjoy yourself!”

“Can I talk to you for a minute? Something happened at the market today that you need to know about.”

The princess nodded. “Of course. There’s a nook just behind those bushes, we can speak privately there.”

Once the two of them were alone Teagan explained what had happened with the pie seller. She made a point of accepting responsibility for the incident, and didn’t try to gloss over anything.

“So, did I cause a diplomatic incident?” She finished.

Princess Celestia took a small bite of her floating cupcake without answering immediately, making Teagan grow nervous.

“I don’t believe so.” The princess finally answered. “It isn’t the way I would have handled it, but violence was thankfully avoided. I imagine Miss Torte will be far slower to accuse someone of theft in the future. She makes wonderful pies, of course, but she has a temper and is somewhat quick to accuse others.”

“You know her?” Teagan asked with a sinking heart. “I’m really sorry about what happened. I was trying to show the trolls that ponies were friendly.”

“It is unfortunate you chose Milseáin Torte for your demonstration.” The alicorn said with a small smile. While I have never personally met the pony I know her by reputation and have eaten her Royal Equestrian Supremes on a number of occasions. They are superb, even if their maker is less so.”

“Are they really worth ten times the price of a normal pie?” Teagan asked in spite of herself.

The Princess laughed. “Oh no. Perhaps three times. But if ponies are willing to pay as much for a single slice of her pie as they would for an entire pie, then perhaps, to them, it is worth that much.”

She leaned down to speak near Teagan’s ear.

“But personally? I wouldn’t do it.” She whispered with a little giggle.

Teagan laughed.

“So you aren’t mad at me?” She asked hopefully.

The princess shook her head.

“Of course not. No one was hurt, and Miss Torte learned a valuable lesson about kindness to strangers. For a troll you showed remarkable restraint. Had Kongen Fjell been in your place I’m sure he would be lodging a complaint at the very least. It’s likely the trolls and ponies would have fought, even injured one another. For a pony—well, it could have been handled more gently, but it was not a bad first attempt, especially considering your lack of experience. So yes, you did well, Lady Teelo.”

“I need to do better.” Teagan said glumly. “Being queen isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

“Nor is being a princess.” Celestia confided. “The crown is sometimes extremely heavy. But your instincts are good, Lady Teelo. I’m sure when you come back this summer you’ll gain more experience.”

“How did you know I’m coming back this summer?” She asked, shocked. “Did Fjell tell you?”

“As a matter of fact, he did.” The alicorn replied calmly. “He wanted to arrange for us to open the Bridge of Days for you, and to provide an escort.”

“Ah, of course.” Teagan felt inexplicably relieved.

“Shall we rejoin the party, Lady Teelo? The other guests will be arriving soon. I’m sure you’ll want to meet them all.”

“Princess, why did Pinkie call this a ‘Welcome to Equestria party’?” Teagan asked.

The princess laughed.

“If I told you it would spoil the surprise—but you’ll find out soon enough.” The princess smiled. “Shall we go?”

ooOoo

The two had barely returned when the guests began to arrive in earnest, pouring into the garden like a multi-colored river. Soon the garden was awash with carefully dressed nobility who glittered with gems and golden jewelry.

Teagan was by the food tables, sneaking another plate of food, although it had been less than two hours since her huge meal in the marketplace.

What is wrong with me? I’m going to blow up like a balloon! She thought to herself, but didn’t stop eating. That’s where the king found her a few minutes later. He frowned at her, staring around until he spotted Skrent and Flint. At his gesture the two came hurrying up.

“Kongen.” Both trolls bowed.

“Why have you abandoned your posts?” He asked in a low angry tone.

“Whoa! Hang on, Fjell! I gave them the night off. They earned it.” Teagan said rapidly. “I told them to enjoy the party.”

“They earned it, my queen? Did someone attack you today?” The troll king asked with raised eyebrows.

Swallowing the last of her cupcake rapidly she shook her head.

“No, but I almost got Skrent into a fight. In spite of my blunder he obeyed my orders, kept his head, and prevented the situation from escalating into a riot. I’m very proud of him, Your Majesty. Besides, no one is going to attack the assembled nobility of Equestria tonight! Apparently this party is in my honor, so relax and enjoy yourself.”

She smiled at him. “Do it for me? Please?”

“Of—course, my queen.” He said with furrowed brow. “Why are the ponies holding a party for you?”

“It’s probably because I’m leaving tomorrow. They did it last year, too.” Teagan said, shrugging. “Heaven knows I needed it.”

“But the banners say Welcome To Equestria, my queen. Shouldn’t they say Safe Journey or something?” He asked, confused.

“You’d think so.” She agreed. “When I asked the Princess about it she said telling me would spoil the surprise. So I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

“Ponies are very strange creatures.” The king said after a moment. He picked up a plate and started to choose food for himself.

“No way!” Teagan breathed, catching sight of two new guests being escorted by Faerie Mist. “Fjell, they’re here!”

“Who?” The king asked, turning curious eyes toward the garden entrance.

“My parents! Come on, I want you to meet them!” Teagan started sprinting toward the new arrivals, which scandalized the majority of the gathered Canterlot nobility. The king strode regally after Teagan, his pair of bodyguards pacing him.

Teagan skidded to a stop and threw herself into her father’s embrace.

“Hi, Pumpkin. We missed you.” He said, hugging her tightly.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here!” She said, stepping back, a huge grin plastered on her face. She hugged her mother so hard the woman gasped.

“I see you’re still alive.” Her mother said after Teagan finally let go. She looked Teagan up and down. “Thank God. What have you been up to, Your Majesty?”

“Oh. Yeah. About that…” She paused as her mother’s eyes widened. Turning around she saw the king and his two bodyguards had arrived.

“Time for introductions, I think.” She said, smiling. “Mom, Dad, I’d like you to meet Kongen Fjell, king of the trolls. Your Majesty, I’d like you to meet my parents.”

“Greetings, Lord and Lady O’Gara. May your passageways always be wide and level.” The king said, bowing his head.

“Thank you, Your Majesty.” Her father said, bowing back. Her mother curtseyed deeply, her formal dress making the gesture flowing and graceful.

“I am pleased to meet you both.” The king continued. “My queen clearly is overjoyed to see you, so I’m sure you will want some privacy to hear Her Majesty’s adventures.”

“Yes.” Her mother’s eyes narrowed a bit as she stared at her daughter. “We’re very eager to hear every single detail.”

Teagan winced.

“Your Majesty, I’m sure I’ll see again before the party ends. Pinkie throws a great party, so please enjoy yourself.” Teagan said, bowing slightly. The king nodded his head and moved toward Duke Shimmerling, who was standing nearby, obviously waiting to meet Teagan’s parents.

Faerie Mist spoke up.

“If you’d like a little privacy, I’ll keep the wolves at bay for a couple of minutes.” She offered, nodding to a little arbor near them. “But do remember, everyone here is eager to meet you, Lord and Lady O’Gara.”

“We won’t be long.” Teagan promised her with heartfelt sincerity. She was not looking forward to being grilled by her parents. She led them to the arbor.

“Now, young lady, explain yourself!” Her mother said in a stern but low voice so the ponies wouldn’t overhear her.

“Ok, long story short, when Crush agreed to help me against Discord it was a lot more involved than I thought. See, by troll law the wielder of Crush is the ruler of the trolls. It’s just that simple. And believe me, when troll law is involved, it might as well be a law of nature.” Teagan said in an equally low voice.

“Well, then give Crush back to the king.” Her mother said. “Problem solved.”

Teagan sighed.

“I wish. It’s complicated, Mom. I literally can’t do that. There’s some kind of magical bond between us. Crush won’t serve anyone but me, and as long as it serves me I’m queen.”

“Can you break the bond?” Her mother asked.

“Well, yeah.” She said sarcastically. “But it’s pretty drastic. I don’t think you want me to do that.”

“Why? Is it dangerous?” Her mother asked nervously.

“Well, that depends on how you define dangerous.” Teagan said, perversely enjoying the revelation she was about to make. “It’s going to happen eventually anyway, but I really don’t want to rush it.”

“Why?” Her mother asked impatiently.

“Because the bond breaks when I die. That’s the only way it breaks.” Teagan said flatly. “Think I should commit suicide, Mom?”

“That was uncalled for, Teagan.” Her father said reproachfully as her mother blanched.

“Sorry. But I need to impress on you just how serious this is. There’s no way to duck this, and trust me, I asked Subtle Dancer about this as soon as I found out. The magics involved are so fundamental there’s no chance of ever undoing them. It’s like Crush and I are Siamese twins. There’s no separating us without killing me.”

“Did you know about the bond when you picked up Crush?” Her father asked.

“No.” Teagan shook her head. “Crush didn’t exactly trick me though. I just didn’t understand the price for being able to use it.”

“What do you mean, it didn’t trick you?” Her mother demanded angrily. “If you didn’t know then it tricked you!”

“Not that simple, Mom.” Teagan disagreed. “See, here’s what happened. The first question I asked Crush was if it could kill a god. Crush asked me if I could. Then I said, ‘whatever it takes’. The thing is I really meant it. Crush said ‘We shall see’. That’s when the bond formed. And every time I practice with Crush the bond gets stronger. But it was already a done deal the instant I picked Crush up.”

“Oh, Teagan, what have you done?” Her mother whispered.

“What I had to do, Mom.” Teagan said, sighing. “I didn’t have a choice. From the instant Discord brought me here that first time it’s been like riding an avalanche. Sure, I could have run and hid and let Princess Celestia die, but then the world would have died with her. And me along with it, most likely, because I doubt Subtle Dancer or Princess Luna would have opened the Bridge for me after that, especially because I think Luna might have died if Discord hadn’t revived her. But he only revived her because I challenged him.”

“So you’re saying its fate?” Her father asked quietly.

“Maybe.” Teagan said reluctantly. “I’ve always hated the idea that there’s some higher power that can force you to do stuff you don’t want to do. Maybe fate is just a way to say the odds are so stacked there’s only one way to win.” She sighed.

“But whatever. It’s really not so terrible. King Fjell will be the actual day to day ruler. I come back here for my summers and learn trollish, troll customs, that kind of thing. I’ll spend most of my time on Earth.”

“What about the rest of your life, Teagan?” Her mother asked. “Have you thought about that? Getting married? Having a family? Keeping a job? Making human friends? How will you do all that if you have to be here so much?”

“Well, I have a job, Mom.” Teagan pointed out. “I’m queen of the trolls. After college, when I come back here I’ll probably be the one dealing with the ponies. And other species, come to that. I’ve got to cement relations between the ponies and the trolls so this bitter feud between them ends peacefully. That’s gonna be harder than I thought. The ponies are almost as stubborn as the trolls.”

“What about having children?” Elaine asked her daughter. “Unless you plan to marry that ten foot tall monster? Can humans and trolls even have children?”

Teagan shuddered. “Mother, please. Don’t go there. Princess Celestia already brought it up, and trust me Fjell is just as repulsed by the idea as I am. The plan is he’ll find a troll wife and produce an heir with her.”

“That’s a relief, at least.” Her mother said. “What about your own children, Teagan? Don’t you want any?”

“Maybe. Look, it’s a little soon for me to think about having kids isn’t it? I’m only sixteen! I’ve got lots of time.”

“You’ll have to find a husband who knows about Equestria. One who’s ok with it.” Her father said.

“What, so I have to marry a brony?” Teagan asked, laughing. “The way the pony fever is spreading on Earth that may not be as hard as you think.”

“Laugh all you like, little girl. Being a brony is one thing. Knowing Equestria is real, actually setting foot here, that’s—a horse of a different color.” He grinned as Teagan groaned.

“You’ve been waiting to say that, haven’t you?” She accused him. He nodded, grinning.

“This isn’t funny, John.” Elaine snapped. “The other guests are getting impatient, so we’ll talk about this at home, Teagan. Now, tell me, did you have to fight?”

“No.” Teagan said with all honesty. “This time I never had to hit anything. Matt and the ponies did all the fighting. I was sort of useless. Matt tells me I was still vital though.” She snorted. “Sure doesn’t feel that way.”

“They also serve who only stand and wait.” John quoted. “What did he say you did?”

“Well, I brought him to Equestria, along with Evelyn.” Teagan counted on her fingers. “I got the trolls to help the ponies. Oh, and now I’m queen of the trolls.” She grimaced.

“You also prevented a war.” John noted mildly. “You’re going to cement relations between the ponies and trolls, and sounds like you’re going to deal with other species as well as sort of a high level diplomat. That’s hardly useless, Teagan.”

“Yeah, but it’s not what I expected.” She complained.

“Were you ever in danger?” Her mother asked sharply.

“Well—once.” She admitted reluctantly. “On the glacier, when Tišina attacked. But Matt shot her before she got too close then Twilight made her crash and then Cerise blew her brains out. By the time I got there it was all over. Oh, and we got caught in a blizzard but the Snøskred and the Alene dug a snow shelter. It wasn’t fun, but we weren’t really in any danger. We had enough supplies to wait out the storm. Cuddles nearly caught us just before we left but once in the air we outran her.”

“So Matt and the ponies finally killed Tišina?” John asked. “Kind of dark for Equestria, isn’t it?”

“Well, we thought they killed her.” Teagan said carefully. “Turns out when she died she turned into Cuddles.” Teagan shuddered. “That was nasty. But the Elements of Harmony turned her back.”

“Turned her back?” Elaine exclaimed, horrified. “Princess Celestia told us the threat was over!”

“Oh, so you’ve met the Princess?” Teagan asked casually. “Yeah, Pinkie tricked Tišina into breathing in poison joke spores. Made her magic run wild and turned her to stone.”

“Pinkie Pie?” John asked blankly. “You mean the pink happy one?”

“Yeah. But trust me. Do not underestimate her when the chips are down.” Teagan said seriously. “She can be scary all on her own—and that’s not even counting Cerise.”

“Who’s Cerise?” Her father asked. “I don’t think she’s on the show.”

“She isn’t.” Teagan responded. “Another long story, let’s save it till we get home. Poor Faerie Mist looks like she’s reached her limit.”

“All right. But you will tell us everything when we get home, Teagan Laoise O’Gara, you hear me?” Her mother demanded.

“Yes, Mom.” She responded. “Now go have fun. Pinkie’s parties are the best.”

With that her parents headed back to Faerie Mist and the waiting crowd. Teagan angled away from them toward Fluttershy where she was gathered with Rarity, Spike, and Twilight.

“Hey guys.” Teagan said happily. “Enjoying the party?”

“Oh, yes, Teelo. I mean, Your Majesty.” Fluttershy said, blushing.

“To you I will always be just plain Teelo.” Teagan said firmly. “I owe you too much to put on airs. That goes for all the Bearers. And Spike too.” She smiled at the dragon, who had been staring at Rarity with dreamy look.

“Besides, I’ll be hearing Your Majesty from the trolls this summer until it starts spilling out my ears.” She said ruefully. “I didn’t ask for the job, you know.”

“So you’re coming back, darling? That’s wonderful news!” Rarity said, smiling happily. “You must visit Ponyville and see us!”

“I promise I will if I can.” Teagan responded. “I’ll be spending the summer in Hejm, learning Trollish. And troll law. And troll customs. All troll, all the time.” She giggled.

“That’s a very important task, Teelo.” Twilight said seriously. “If you don’t know trolls really well you can’t be a good queen.”

“Oh, trust me. That became painfully obvious this afternoon.” Teagan agreed. “I never want to endanger someone because of my ignorance ever again.”

“I like your attitude.” Twilight said, nodding happily. “It reminds me of Princess Celestia, actually.”

“I’ll never be in her league, Twilight!” Teagan protested. “She’s been doing this for a thousand years! I won’t live even a tenth that long. Besides, Fjell is really the ruler. I’m going to mainly deal with outside species, sort of like the Snøskred does.”

“Except you’re the queen.” Twilight said patiently. “You make the final decision. Well, you and the king. But most trolls don’t understand other species very well. He’s going to rely on your judgment.”

“Don’t remind me.” Teagan shivered. “Right now my judgment isn’t worth anything. Looks like I’m going to have to bone up on politics.” She made a face. “I wonder how well human politics will work on trolls?”

“You’ve done marvelously so far, Teelo.” Fluttershy said loyally. “The ponies and the trolls aren’t quarrelling any more. That’s huge.”

“I guess. But the thing is this peace is so incredibly fragile, Fluttershy. Anything could shatter it. Like this afternoon.”

“You fixed that, darling.” Rarity spoke up. “Forget that pie seller! Everything worked out.”

“Yeah, thanks to the Sun Shield and Skrent.” Teagan groused. “I lost my temper again and had to keep dropping names to make her back down. That’s hardly something to be proud of.”

“Really, darling? I thought you were absolutely magnificent! My dear, you had her quaking in her hooves! She deserved it too. Two bits a slice, indeed!” Rarity snorted.

“Rarity’s right, Teelo. Skrent didn’t deserve that.” Twilight said. “Standing up for him was the right thing to do. That’s what you do for your friends.”

“Well yeah. I know that. But I should have been able to explain what happened in a way that made her see we didn’t mean any harm. Not scare her like I was some kind of gangster. That really wasn’t right.”

“Darling, listen to me.” Rarity said. “No matter what you do, some ponies simply will not listen to you. It’s not nice but sometimes that’s the only way to get their attention so they will listen. I don’t think you should do it all the time, but like this afternoon, sometimes you just don’t have a choice.”

ooOoo

“It is an honor to meet you, Lord O’Gara, Lady O’Gara. I am Duke Shimmerling.” The unicorn said with a courtly bow. “It is good to know Clan O’Gara still flourishes in the old world.”

“Well, I don’t know about flourishes, Your Grace, but there are still quite a few of us here and there.” The man said, bowing back. His wife curtseyed.

“And what of ponies in your world, my lord?” The Duke asked. “How do they fare?”

John hesitated.

“Your Grace, in my world ponies are not intelligent creatures as they are here.” He said after a moment. “They are animals and cannot speak.”

“I—see.” The Duke said, taken aback. “What of other species then? The trolls, the griffins?”

“To our knowledge, Your Grace, only humans can speak and think. All other species on Earth are animals. Well—with the possible exception of dolphins. But we don’t have trolls or griffins on earth. No dragons or hydras or cockatrices, either.”

“The old world must be a very different place then.” The Duke said after digesting this astonishing news.

“It certainly is.” John said with a smile. “We lack magic, for one thing.”

“You lack magic?” The Duke gaped at him. “But how do you do, well, anything without magic? I mean Equestria couldn’t exist without the unicorns and the pegasi! Even the earth ponies have their own kind of magic!”

“We use technology in place of magic, Your Grace.” John said. “Earth’s technology is quite advanced compared to here.”

“Utterly amazing, Lord O’Gara.” The Duke said. “Thank you for speaking with me.” He bowed, and then repeated disbelievingly, “No magic at all?”

“No, Your Grace. Well, aside from stage magic. But that relies on tricks rather than actual magic.”

“Amazing.” The Duke murmured as he turned to leave. Behind him a chartreuse and fuchsia patterned pony with scarlet mane and a magnificent white dress waited. She smiled happily at the humans as the Duke turned away.

ooOoo

“You look completely knackered.” Pinkie Pie said she approached Teagan’s parents. “What you two need is a special pick-me-up! Here you go!”

Held in her hooves were two cups of punch. The hyperactive pink pony was balancing on her rear hooves and smiling widely.

“Thank you, Pinkie.” He said gratefully as he accepted the cups. “I had no idea it would take so long to meet everyone!”

“My head is going to explode.” Elaine agreed, taking the punch her husband offered. “I’m afraid I’ve already forgotten most of their names.”

It had grown dark a few hours before but the garden was lit with innumerable paper lanterns that glowed cheerfully. The two humans had been meeting Equestrian high society for the last three hours. Princess Luna had yet to appear, although they had met Prince Blueblood, who, it turned out, was some kind of however-many greats-nephew of Celestia and Luna.

The moon was out and full tonight, and the sky was crowded with more stars than either of the O’Gara’s could ever remember seeing before.

Raising their cups in a traditional toast each took a deep drink of the punch.

“Is minic a bhain dealg beag braon!” John swore. Elaine just gasped, looking at Pinkie in disbelief.

“Good, isn’t it? Wakes you up, too!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “Get a full cup down and you’ll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed all night! Teagan loves this stuff.”

“Really?” Elaine gasped. “And she’s still alive? Pinkie, what is in this?”

“Well, it’s supposed to be a secret, but seeing how it’s you guys, I’ll tell you. Let’s see, there’s water, and berry juice, and some lemons, and cinnamon and ginger and sugar, oh yeah a big dollop of hot sauce and black tea extract—oh, and some salt. Cause, you know, we’re all adults here, right?”

She smiled at them.

“Hot sauce?” John asked, incredulously.

Pinkie nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah. That’s why it wakes you up.” She said.

He looked at his wife and took another cautious sip.

“Well, when you know what’s coming it’s actually not bad.” He admitted.

Elaine tried it again and made a face.

“Pass.” She said. “But thank you for trying, Pinkie.”

“Oh. Well, if you want it sweeter you can get it straight from the bowl.” Pinkie said dismissively. “Of course it doesn’t have the same instant kick without the hot sauce. Oooh, jam cake!” There was a pink blur and the pony was gone.

“She really is just like the cartoon.” John commented to his wife with a tired smile. He finished the punch and shuddered.

“Bit like taking whiskey neat.” He said, wheezing. Elaine sipped her punch again and made another face.

“How could you drink this, John? It’s like liquid fire.” She complained.

“Well, you never did like a lot of spice.” He pointed out. “It’s an acquired taste I guess.”

Just then Faerie Mist came back.

“The worst is over, Lord O’Gara.” She said confidently. “Now that the guests have spoken to you, you can relax. Only Princess Luna and Sun Hammer have yet to appear.”

“Sun Hammer? In the same party as the troll king? Isn’t that a bit…” John asked hesitantly, not wanting to be rude.

“Princess Celestia insisted.” Faerie Mist said delicately. “Of course, everyone recognizes the potential for there to be—issues—but the Princess knows Sun Hammer is Teelo’s friend, so she didn’t want to exclude him. He promised to be on his best behavior.”

“I’ve met Sun Hammer, Faerie Mist.” John said drily. “He’s very, um, forthright. How do you expect him to not have issues with the troll king? Or rather the king with him? From what Teagan says they have a long history.”

“That is the risk, yes.” Faerie Mist said. “However both Princesses will be here to smooth things over. And Lady Teagan has influence with the king as well.”

“Does she now?” Elaine asked in an interested tone. “Any idea why?”

“Well, she is the queen.” Faerie Mist said reasonably. “They have a good working relationship from what I understand. They seem to understand one another.”

“Well, that’s good.” John said. “I’d hate to think of Teagan going to Hejm if the king didn’t like her. That could be a real problem.”

“There’s Sun Hammer now, with another tall pony. Is that Princess Luna?” Elaine spoke suddenly. Faerie Mist turned to look.

“Yes it is.” She said, trotting over to the pair and bowing. She then led them over to the O’Gara’s.

“Lord and Lady O’Gara, may I present Her Highness, Princess Luna?” The pegasus said.

“Charmed.” The dark blue alicorn said in a surprisingly normal tone of voice. Both John and Elaine had expected her to shout, from what Teagan had told them.

“Good evening, Your Highness.” John said bowing. Elaine curtseyed

“Welcome to Equestria, Lord and Lady O’Gara.” Luna dipped her horn in salute. “Art thou enjoying the party?”

“Oh yes, Your Highness.” Elaine said smoothly. “I think we met everyone here. It’s all a bit overwhelming.”

“Aye, all thon ponies inin themselves ane after another.” Sun Hammer snorted. “Tis like tae drive a pony mad.”

“Hello again, Sun Hammer.” John said with a grin. “Thank you for keeping my little girl safe.”

“Ah, there be nae tae thank me fer.” The horse-sized pony said dismissively. “Twere only a wee bit o’ trouble, ye ken, and Teelo were nae near it. A think the lass were pinin’ fer a bit o’ a scrap me self, so she was.”

“You’re saying there really wasn’t any danger?” Elaine asked.

Sun Hammer hesitated. “Well, mayhap a wee bit. But laik A said, Teelo ne’er had tae fecht. Cuddles were the worst o’ it, but we oot ran her, so we did. An when we faced the troll king afore he knew she were the queen, twere a bit dicey, ye ken. But ne’er were he gonna raise a claw to us, an aw kenned it, so they did.”

“You do know the king is right over there?” John probed delicately, nodding his head where the king could be seen in the distance talking to Princess Celestia.

“Oh, aye. A got no beef wi’ him.” Sun Hammer said, rolling his eyes. “We makkit peace, so we did. Live an let live.”

“Speaking of which, I want to apologize for some of the things I said to you, Sun Hammer.” Elaine said. “I was distraught.”

“Dinnae fash yerself.” Sun Hammer shook his head. “A ken ye were jes’ protectin’ yer filly an thare be no shame in that, nane at all.”

“Thank you. So, no hard feelings?” Elaine asked, smiling.

“Nane.” Sun Hammer smiled. “Ye nae be a brock A’d care tae fecht when yer bluid’s up, by Celestia her blessed self.”

Sun Hammer’s declaration seemed to surprise Princess Luna for a moment. She looked at Sun Hammer then back at Elaine.

“Never mess with a mama bear.” John said, chuckling. “Your Highness, I understand you raise the moon and bring out the stars? I must say I’ve never seen a more beautiful night.”

The Princess seemed taken aback for a moment. “Truly? So few appreciate the beauty of the night, Lord O’Gara. We thank thee most sincerely for thy kind words.”

“I’m not the only one who does, Your Highness. When Teagan came back I started searching for everything I could find on Equestria. You’ve heard of bronies, right? Fans of Equestria? There was a song created by a brony called Ponyphonic, Your Highness. It was talking about how the moon was not a lesser light, and the wonder of the dark and jeweled sky. A beautiful and moving song. And now that I see it for myself I’d say the song doesn’t do the reality justice.”

Luna’s mouth dropped open and her eyes widened. They grew brighter and she turned away for a moment. When she turned back she had regained her composure, but her eyes were still suspiciously bright.

“We have waited—” She stopped herself. “No. I have waited a thousand years to hear any pony pay such a compliment to my art, Lord O’Gara. To know somewhere in another world someone saw it and loved it enough to write a song for me…” She shook her head. “You have given me a treasure beyond price, Lord O’Gara. I thank thee from the depths of my heart.”

Then the princess bowed to him, the full bow she herself normally received, head near the ground with wings spread gracefully.

Dead silence raced across the garden as Canterlot’s highest nobles watched their princess bow in shock. When the silence reached Princess Celestia the alicorn’s face turned thoughtful.

The princess rose and folded her wings. The nobles watched the Lord of Clan O’Gara bow deeply to the princess in turn. His words carried in the silence of the garden, all the way to where Celestia stood with the king.

“High art is its own reward, Your Highness, and yours is without doubt the greatest I have ever seen. It is truly a pity no one thinks to look up and appreciate the wonder you spread before them every night. They deprive themselves of such splendor.”

The silence was broken by a single rhythmic stamping. Everyone turned to see Princess Celestia striking the ground with alternating hooves, the pony version of applause as she faced her sister, a huge smile on her face.

Rarity was the first to copy the princess, and then the other Bearers started stamping as well. Soon every pony in the garden was applauding the dark blue alicorn. The humans clapped enthusiastically, and Kongen Fjell started bellowing Luna’s name over and over, the troll version of acclaim. The other trolls in the garden instantly took up the chant as well.

Luna stood frozen amidst the accolade like a deer caught in the headlights. When it finally subsided she managed a half bow, clearly stunned by the massive outpouring. Celestia trotted over to her sister and draped her head across her withers.

After that, the party seemed to accelerate, everyone’s spirits buoyed by the moment. When the party finally wound down and the guests had made their farewells the staff came out and began taking down the lanterns, leaving only a single patch of light where a small group of ponies and humans congregated.

“Best party ever.” Pinkie Pie said, grinning widely. “That was amazing.”

“Thanks to thee, Lord O’Gara. We have never felt anything like that before tonight.” Princess Luna said, still somewhat unsettled.

“Happy to see your art finally acknowledged properly, Your Highness.” John said modestly.

“It was well done indeed.” Princess Celestia said warmly. “Thank you.”

He waved it off. “Just giving credit where it’s due, Your Highness. I was surprised to see the trolls joining in like that though. I thought trolls and ponies were still kind of wary around each other.”

“They are.” Celestia nodded. “But tonight may have gone a long way toward convincing Kongen Fjell of our goodwill. Not to mention it makes things easier for you, sister.”

Luna nodded. “We would agree, sister.”

“What do you mean?” Teagan asked.

“Our sister has appointed us to deal with the trolls, Lady Teelo.” Luna explained. “As they are more comfortable in the dark.”

“Guess that means I’m going to be a night owl, then. Fjell wants me to handle relations with other species after I learn what I need to know. Good thing we know each other, huh?” Teagan laughed.

“Indeed. We shall be most happy to know thou art representing the trolls, Lady Teelo.” Luna said smiling.

No one noticed the small smile that played briefly across Celestia’s muzzle.

“Well sister, the hour has grown late and I must away to bed.” She said. “Lord and Lady O’Gara, I would be very happy if you joined us for morning meal. Lady Teelo, afterward I’m sure your parents would like to see something of Canterlot.”

“We would be honored, Princess.” Elaine said, smiling.

“Oh yeah!” Teelo said happily. “Twilight, you and the others want to join us?”

“I’m sorry, Teelo, we’re scheduled to leave on the first morning train.” Twilight apologized. “Everyone’s been away from Ponyville for so long. It’s time we got back to work. But can you and your parents stop in Ponyville for a while before you head back to your world? I’d love to show them the library.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea.” Princess Celestia said, smiling. “Ponyville is only half an hour’s flight by chariot. Why don’t you spend the morning in Canterlot and have lunch, then I’ll arrange for a chariot to take you to Ponyville? You can leave for your world later this evening. Matthew tells me there’s nearly a five hour time difference, so if you left in the evening you’d arrive home early afternoon.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Matthew nodded. “It’s Sunday at home so we’ll have time to get ready for work.”

“Well, good night everyone.” The white alicorn nodded to them and trotted back to the castle, a pair of the Sun Shield falling in behind her. The others made their farewells to Princess Luna and headed off to bed.

Still reeling inside from the thunderous applause she’d received earlier that evening Luna spread her wings and launched herself into the darkness, to fly for a few minutes amidst the glow of the stars and lose herself in her art.

From The Sublime To The Ridiculous

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In which a queen is not amused, all is not well that ends well, and we learn that confession is good for the soul.

Their last day in Equestria went smoothly, and her parents enjoyed themselves. Teagan hoped the pleasant day would deflect at least some of her mother’s ire. Princess Celestia herself opened the gate for them, since so many needed to return to Earth at one time. A decision Subtle Dancer fervently but silently applauded

Each traveler was presented with a heavy backpack to carry back over the bridge, even Evelyn and Elaine. When Teagan asked Celestia about them the alicorn shook her head and refused to answer, only smiling mysteriously.

Matt slung the second backpack onto his back without comment. Teagan found that ridiculously macho considering the weight of the gear he was already carrying. When the gate opened they staggered through it, the women collapsing on the floor of the O’Gara’s living room even before the gate snapped shut.

“What is in these backpacks, rocks?” Evelyn gasped from her sprawled place on the carpet. She struggled out of the pack and unbuckled it, throwing back the flap.

“What is it?” Teagan asked, struggling out of her own second pack.

“It’s full of little bags,” Evelyn answered in a puzzled voice. She pulled one out and opened it, looking inside.

“Son of a—” She started to swear, trailing off as she stared slack-jawed at the contents.

“What?” Teagan demanded.

Wordlessly Evelyn poured the pouch’s contents onto the carpet in a rainbow colored deluge of clicking stones.

“Are those gems?” Elaine asked in disbelief.

Evelyn nodded and spoke in a distant voice.

“I once had a gem dealer for a client. Somebody was stealing from her, so she hired me to find out who it was. During that case I learned how to evaluate stones as part of my cover. These are real, guys. I’d stake my license that’s a three carat ruby—and worth at least a hundred and fifty thousand dollars. By itself. And there’s a sapphire of at least five carats, call it twenty thousand. If all these packs are full of gems like this…” She shivered. “We could be looking at millions—tens of millions!”

“I guess the Princess thought we deserved a bonus.” Teagan said with a half-hysterical chuckle. “At least I can pay for college now…”

“You could buy a college, Squirt.” Matt said, carefully opening and unpacking his own gift. “Hello, what’s this?”

He lifted a small yellow bar out of the bottom of the pack, weighing it in his hands. “Feels like ten pounds or so.” He said thoughtfully. “Looks like the Princess decided to include some gold too.”

“Yes, I have one too.” Evelyn said, digging to the bottom of her pack.

“Wait a minute, this isn’t a jewel.” Teagan said, picking up what looked like a short crystal rod that had been nestled among the bags of gems. “It almost looks like a thumb drive or something.”

As she held it up to the light it began to glow and gently lifted out of her hands.

“Hello, Lady Teelo.” Celestia’s voice filled the room. “I would have written you a note but Twilight Sparkle tells me you can’t read Equestrian script, so I enchanted this crystal instead. I’m afraid its magic is quite limited, I must speak quickly. By now you’ve discovered the contents of your backpacks, a small bar of gold and as many gems as we thought you could carry.”

“Investigator Lewis tells me gems are very valuable in your world so I hope you find them useful. They’re only a small thank you, since not even a mountain of jewels could repay the debt our world owes you.”

“Matthew, if you truly wish to retire to Equestria it would be my honor to welcome you. Lady Teelo, I look forward to seeing you when you return this fall. Evelyn Lewis, my heartfelt thanks and warm wishes to all the bronies and pegasisters in your world. Lord and Lady O’Gara, good fortune to your clan, may you live long and peaceful lives.”

“The crystal is almost full, so I must go. Fare thee well, one and all. Cuimhnigh, ní gá capaillíní dearmad.” The crystal’s glow faded and it fell into Teagan’s cupped hands.

“What was that last bit?” Matt asked quietly.

“It’s Gaelic. She said ‘Remember, ponies do not forget’.” John answered gravely.

The adults stared at the fortune the Princess had given them, wondering how they were going to deal with it without the authorities arresting them or confiscating it. Teagan sat and thought about her friends, and what they might be doing now.

When the phone rang it jolted everyone out of their reverie. Teagan scrambled to answer it from sheer reflex.

“Hello?” She said, picking up the receiver.

“Teelo! Where have you been?” An excited voice asked at the other end. “You’ve missed a whole week! Did you run away again?”

“Hi, Emma. No, I just had something I had to do.” Teagan said, chuckling. “Mom and Dad knew about it. I’ll be back in school tomorrow.”

“So what was it? Come on, spill! You can tell your best friend!” Emma prodded.

“It was—family business, Emma. I can’t really talk about it. Don’t be mad, ok?” Teagan responded, secretly amused she actually wasn’t lying to her friend. The ponies were clan, and that made them family.

“You weren’t pregnant were you?” The teen asked in a whisper.

Teagan broke into a peal of laughter.

“God, no! Jeez, Emma! That’s insulting.” Teagan said, trying to stifle her giggles. “It was nothing like that! Look, we’ve got company over so I can’t talk now, ok? See you in class tomorrow.”

“You’d better not keep secrets Teagan O’Gara!” Emma said in a stern voice. “Remember, I’ve read your diary! I know where the skeletons are buried.”

“As if.” Teagan snorted. “Good night, Emma. I’m hanging up now.”

“Wait, wait, wait! Seriously, hang on! I wanted to tell you I copied all my notes and I’ll let you have them tomorrow. There’s a ton, so you’d better appreciate it.”

“You did? Oh, thank you! You’re a life saver!”

“Yeah, well, think about that if you decide to clam up Little Miss Secrets-Keeper.” Emma sniffed. “Anyway, I’m really glad you’re back. See you in the morning.”

“See you tomorrow. And thanks again.”

“You’re welcome. Or you will be if you don’t keep me in the dark. Night!”

“Bye.” Teagan hung up, unreasonably pleased at that bit of random normality.

“What was all that about?” Elaine asked.

“Just Emma. She asked me where I’d been and made a very insulting guess why I was gone. Oh, and she copied her notes so I won’t be completely lost.”

“You know,” Evelyn spoke up, “it might not be a bad idea to come up with a plausible story in case somebody asks questions, Teelo.”

“It was family business, meaning it isn’t theirs.” Teagan said calmly. “If they persist I walk away.”

“Hate to mention this, Squirt, but the person asking might be in a position not to take silence for an answer.” Matt said. “Teacher, principal, or the like. They get testy when you ignore them.”

“They let it slide last year.” John said thoughtfully.

“Yeah, but this is the second time, and around the same time of year. Might make ‘em nosy.” Matt replied.

“And it’s not like I can smack them with Crush.” Teagan said with a sigh. “Why is it when you get good at defending yourself they change the rules?”

Matt chuckled. “Because they don’t want you to defend yourself, Squirt. You know this.”

“Well, if anyone insists I’ll simply say I won’t answer and for them to be civil and stop asking.”

“With your temper?” Matt raised an eyebrow. “Good luck with that. Remember you’re allowed one phone call.”

“Ha ha.” She retorted. “Seriously, when I think about what I will say compared with what I could say I don’t think I’ll get angry. I may not even be able to keep a straight face.”

“Queens are supposed to be able to conceal their true feelings, Your Majesty.” Matt said, watching her. “This might be a good time to practice your poker face.”

“Yeah. But I’m not so sure about that, Matt. I’m the queen of trolls, remember? Trolls aren’t masters of subtlety like humans. Well, except for the Snøskred and the Alene.”

“Pretty big except.” Matt noted. “But now that we’ve got all these gems things are a little trickier. You don’t want to attract attention to yourself until we figure out how to deal with them.”

“What are we going to do?” Elaine asked in a worried voice. “We don’t have any proof these gems are ours. Not to mention the gold. And there’s so much.”

“I think I might be able to help with that.” Evelyn said. “Rosalyn owes me a favor. She’s the jeweler client I mentioned. She can help us with the gold too.”

“There’s a lot of gems, Evelyn.” Matt said doubtfully. “Looks like we could supply every jeweler on Earth for a year and still have enough left over to make Squirt one hell of a crown.”

“You’d be surprised.” Evelyn said, smiling. “I’m not saying that selling all of these at once would be easy, but we don’t need to do that. If I sold just that one ruby it would probably let me retire comfortably.”

“Yes, but how can we keep them safe?” Elaine asked. “I mean there’s what, fifty pounds of gold and two hundred pounds of gems? It’s not like it would fit into a safe deposit box!”

“Actually, when we split it five ways it’s a lot more manageable.” Evelyn pointed out. “The gold bars are nothing—they’re only six inches long, for goodness sake. One large safety deposit box could probably hold my share. But for safety’s sake I’m planning to rent several boxes in different banks, just to cover the possibility of a bank robber nailing one.”

“That would be one freaked out bank robber.” Matt chuckled. “No way could he fence that much. And even if he did, it would stand out like a lighthouse to the cops.”

“Still wouldn’t do us much good.” John pointed out. “But that’s a good idea. Are we going to have to pay income tax on this stuff?”

Evelyn fell over, laughing. The others stared at her until she recovered enough to sit up.

“Well, uh, no.” She said. “It was a gift from the ruler of a foreign country. But that does raise an interesting point. We don’t have to pay taxes on the gold or gems until we sell them, and even then it’s a capital gains tax, not income tax. But we are required to report it as a non-taxable gift, since the value exceeds a hundred thousand dollars.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“That might be a problem, folks.”

“You think?” Teagan said sarcastically. “Dear IRS, we just got fifty pounds of gold and two hundred pounds of high-quality gemstones from the ruler of a foreign country.” She snorted.

“They’re gonna want to know what country, Evelyn—and which ruler. We make up a story and they arrest us for lying. We tell them the truth and they’ll arrest us for stupid lying.”

“Not to mention the whole blood diamonds issue.” Matt put in just a little grimly. “They would be very unhappy if they thought these gems were from the Congo or some other warzone, and they’re not gonna buy: ‘We swear! A magical talking horse from another dimension gave them to us, honest!’ ”

They discussed the matter until dark but nobody had any ideas. Evelyn said she knew a lawyer and would discuss the situation with him without mentioning specifics. They made plans to meet again the next Sunday for dinner so they could compare notes.

Evelyn and Matt took their leave, taking their backpacks with them. Teagan and her parents stuffed their backpacks into the back of her parent’s walk-in closet, and buried them under a mess of camp gear and winter coats.

It wasn’t much, considering the value of the packs, but then again the Purloined Letter gambit does work when nobody has reason to go looking…

Since their bodies were still on Equestria time they went to bed well before ten that night.

ooOoo

The alarm woke Teagan the next morning, leaving her groggy and grumpy from the time lag between Earth and Equestria. She slapped the alarm irritably to shut it up and took a shower, thinking about the day and the questions she would probably face.

“Screw it.” She finally said, drying off. “Not their business and they can darn well keep their noses out of it. I’ll just be—diplomatic.” She chuckled as she remembered Matt’s definition of diplomacy.

Diplomacy is the art of saying Nice Doggy till you can find a rock, Squirt.

She dressed carefully, deliberately choosing jeans and a gray sweat shirt to avoid attention. She devoured her breakfast, and had seconds, much to her mother’s surprise. Then Teelo bolted out the door and jogged the entire eight blocks to school, full of restless energy. She got to homeroom twenty minutes early.

Emma came in ten minutes later and dumped a thick stapled stack of papers on Teelo’s desk.

“That’s my notes.” Emma said, settling into the desk behind Teagan. “Now spill. Where have you been?”

“I told you, it was family business. It’s not something I can discuss, Emma. You know I’d tell you if I could.” Teagan said, turning to watch her friend. “You have my word it was nothing illegal, immoral, or fattening.”

Emma looked Teagan up and down. “You do look thinner. And very buff. I mean I know you’re seriously into those self-defense classes but you didn’t look so hard before Christmas. Your face is a little sunburned too. How did you get sunburned? In Kansas? In January?”

Emma’s eyes narrowed. “You weren’t in Kansas, were you?”

Teagan couldn’t help it, she broke into helpless laughter. Oh God! I can’t tell her the truth but this is so funny!

Emma frowned. “Come on Teelo! It’s not funny!”

“Ok, sorry. The Wizard of Oz just popped in my head.” She said. “You know—the line We’re not in Kansas anymore?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “That joke wasn’t funny the first time I heard it, Teelo. Now where were you?”

“Taking care of some private family business, Emma. It’s not something my parents want me to talk about, ok? Trust me, it wasn’t a big deal.” Unless you consider an eldritch abomination kidnapping an immortal sun goddess a big deal…

“Hmm. You’re lying.” Emma said, putting her chin on her hands. “Adults don’t trust us to settle ‘family business’, Teelo. Better come up with a better story.”

“It’s not a story, Emma. I really was dealing with family business. My parents know and they don’t want me to talk about it. So I can’t. I would if I could.”

Just then a bunch of students came in which forced them to stop talking. Emma leaned forward and whispered in Teagan’s ear.

“We’re not done, Teelo. I will find out.” Emma got up and moved to her normal seat.

I seriously doubt it, Teagan thought as the room gradually filled up.

“Oh hi, Teagan!” Her homeroom teacher said in surprise as she entered. “Welcome back. The principal asked me to have you report to the guidance counselor’s office when you came back. You’re excused from home room and first period.”

Teagan nodded and gathered her books, thinking furiously. Outwardly calm she made her way to the guidance counselor’s office, which was actually a cluster of offices next door to the administration offices.

“Hi, I’m Teagan O’Gara.” Teagan said to the receptionist. “My homeroom teacher said I was supposed to come here?”

“Oh yes, Miss Bainbridge wanted to have a little chat.” The receptionist said with a friendly smile. “If you’ll just have a seat she’ll be right with you.”

“Thank you.” Teagan said and sat down. It felt odd to sit in a chair with a back, she was so used to having Crush slung across her shoulder she kept expecting the club to get tangled up. Looking around she discovered she was the only student here. In fact, the receptionist was the only other person visible. A hallway lead to other offices, but their doors were closed.

After about ten minutes a short-haired brunette woman came into the reception area. Spotting Teagan she came over and extended a hand.

“Teagan? Hi, I’m Miss Bainbridge.” Teagan rose smoothly and took the proffered hand, shaking it once and letting go.

“What can I do for you, Miss Bainbridge?” Teagan asked with a gentle smile, her stance relaxed and unthreatening. Matt had had her practice this stance for hours on end. It said I’m harmless, and not challenging you in any way. Done correctly it disarmed most people without their realizing what was going on.

“Why don’t we go back to my office? You can leave your books here if you like.” The woman said with a smile. She turned and walked back toward her office, obviously expecting Teagan to follow.

When Teagan did Miss Bainbridge closed the door and gestured for Teagan to have a seat. The woman went to sit behind her desk.

Teagan took in the room in with a single glance, and Matt’s training kicked in automatically. She found herself ticking off an astoundingly long list of psychological tricks.

Let’s see now. Blue walls to help calm me down. A comfortable chair to limit my movement and give me a subconscious feeling of being controlled. Her desk and chair are just a couple of inches taller, to hint she’s dominant here. No staplers or phones on the desk between us, depriving me of any potential weapons and making me feel unarmed. There’s just a single folder on her desk for me to focus on, to remind me of my permanent record and the fact I’m in trouble.

She kept me waiting for just long enough to get a little nervous, but not long enough to annoy me. She’s using every trick in the book.

Teagan felt herself relaxing, reminded of what Matt had once told her.

Squirt, interrogation is a mind game. It’s not about breaking fingers and screaming threats. It’s about a hundred little things. Threats are best left unsaid. Any reminders are tiny subtle things that prey on the subject’s mind. You let them sweat themselves, because they know what they’re afraid of even if you don’t. But here’s the thing. A really effective interrogator doesn’t overplay their hand. It’s all about minimalism—a single trick here, another there, never too much at one time. The fewer tricks the interrogator plays the more cautious you should be.

When you see trick on top of trick on top of trick it indicates an amateur. It means they expect the tricks to do their work for them. Those are the people you can turn the tables on. Never get cocky, never overplay your own hand, but the amateur who thinks they have the upper hand is easier to manipulate—unless they know that and are doing it deliberately. That’s called obfuscating stupidity, and it can catch the most wary.

Miss Bainbridge was overplaying her hand. And Teagan planned to take merciless advantage of that fact. Because she doubted the school counselor had had the benefit of being trained by a Green Beret with a nasty suspicious mind.

All this flashed through her mind in seconds. It was time to take advantage of all the lessons Matt had been painfully pounding into her head over the last year. This wasn’t about physical violence. It was about war carried on by other means.

It was time for diplomacy.

The woman across from her picked up Teagan’s folder and scanned the contents, as though reading it. Another trick, Teagan thought, she’s already read it unless she’s incompetent. Which would be stupid for me to assume.

“It says here you were absent from school for most of January last year, Teagan. Something about running away from home? This year you were absent all of last week. May I ask why?”

Non-confrontational question, Teagan noted. Very by the book.

“I had family business to deal with, Miss Bainbridge. It took longer than I thought it would. A friend gave me her notes to cover the time I missed, and I’ll catch up by the end of this week. It’s largely review anyway. It always is after a holiday.” Teagan said in a mild voice, staring innocently at Miss Bainbridge.

“Well, it’s not your schoolwork I’m concerned about, Teagan.” She said, leaning forward with a concerned look.

And this is Being Concerned, Teagan thought cynically. Trying to convince me she’s on my side, that she’s only trying to do what’s best for me.

“Oh?” Teagan asked, feigning confusion. “Then why am I here, Miss Bainbridge?”

“I just want to make sure you aren’t having any troubles at home, Teagan. When I see a girl like you running away from home, it’s usually because she’s having problems there. I’m here to make sure you have someone to talk to.”

“I only ran away once, Miss Bainbridge.” Teagan said mildly. “I discovered very quickly home was better. This year it was a family emergency. The timing was just unfortunate coincidence.”

“What kind of emergency, dear?” Miss Bainbridge asked kindly.

“That is a private matter.” Teagan said, carefully keeping any edge out of her voice. “It doesn’t concern anyone outside the family.”

“It kept you out of school for a whole week.” The woman noted. “That makes it a school matter.”

“I think you’ll find that isn’t actually the case, Miss Bainbridge.” Teagan demurred. Careful, watch your temper!

The woman sat back, studying Teagan.

“Dear, I’m only trying to help you. It’s my job to make sure nothing interferes with your education.”

“I appreciate your position, Miss Bainbridge. However, please appreciate mine.” Teagan said with a gentle expression and a mild voice. “The issue is resolved, and unlikely to happen again. Last year I made up three weeks without impacting my grades, so I certainly won’t suffer from missing one week that’s largely review. Now, if you’ll excuse me I should be getting back to class and stop taking up time you could be using to help someone that actually needs it. My apologies for any trouble I’ve caused you.”

“You’re being very polite, Teagan.” Miss Bainbridge said, tapping the folder. “But I really must insist. You’ve been excused from first period so we have an hour to talk.”

The girl sat quietly, her mind spinning. There was no way she was going to discuss her ‘family emergency’, but perhaps she could throw the guidance counselor a bone to distract her.

“Miss Bainbridge, I’m very sorry to be difficult, and I certainly don’t want to cause any problems, but I will not discuss family matters with you. With all due respect, they are my business, not yours. However, it occurs to me that you might be able to help me with something else.”

“And what might that be, Teagan?” The woman asked, perfectly happy to keep Teagan talking.

“I’ve discovered my class schedule needs changing.” Teagan said quietly. “It’s wasteful, and I need to drop some useless classes for ones I will need.”

“Really? What classes do you want to drop?” The woman asked with sudden interest.

“Strength and Fitness Concepts, French I and Drama I.” Teagan replied. “To be replaced with Sociology, Economics, and Psychology.”

The counselor blinked, clearly surprised. “Teagan, those are senior year courses. Besides, dropping physical education as a sophomore isn’t a good idea. It could affect your health. Everyone needs more exercise than our modern world allows.”

Teagan started to chuckle.

“Forgive me, Miss Bainbridge. You probably aren’t aware that I already spend ten hours a week learning Krav Maga. I’m currently a practitioner level II, and I’m actively pursuing my level III certification. I can assure you I get a lot of exercise. I typically spend an hour a day with my instructor learning new attacks and defenses, followed by an hour of active sparring. Hopefully I will have my P3 in about nine months, and then I’ll be training for my P4.”

“I see.” The counselor said, clearly taken aback. She studied Teagan more carefully. “I’m not familiar with Krav Maga. Is that some kind of judo?”

Teagan shook her head.

“No. Krav Maga is from Israel, not Japan. It’s a lot more—aggressive—than judo. It’s more like karate or kung fu, but not as pretty.”

“I’m not sure what you mean by pretty, Teagan.” Miss Bainbridge said, tilting her head. “I never thought karate was very pretty. It seems utterly brutal to me.”

Teagan chose her words carefully; keenly aware the counselor probably wouldn’t take a frank explanation very well.

“Karate is very stylized, very graceful.” Teagan said slowly. “It’s ancient and has a lot of traditions associated with it. It’s becoming a sport instead of unarmed combat. Krav Maga is more like street fighting. The only rule is ‘don’t die’.”

“So it’s self-defense training?” The counselor asked with a furrowed brow. Teagan nodded.

“That’s why I’m learning it. But a lot of police and military use Krav Maga for unarmed combat. My instructor is a retired Green Beret. He actually used it on missions. He’s an E3.”

“E3?”

“Expert level III.” Teagan said. “That puts him about 11 levels above me. So as you can see I really don’t need a gym class. I can use that slot much more productively.”

“Hmm. What made you start taking self-defense courses?” The woman asked, smiling.

She’s fishing, Teagan thought.

“It’s a dangerous world, Miss Bainbridge.” She replied in a mild voice. “A girl can’t be too careful.”

“Did you start the self-defense classes after you came back home?” The woman asked innocently.

“Actually, yes.” Teagan admitted with a smile. “I met an unpleasant person and thought how nice it would be to know how to defend myself if I met another one.”

“Did he hurt you?” Miss Bainbridge asked. Her emphasis made her meaning a little too clear for Teagan’s comfort.

Teagan decided enough was enough.

“Not as badly as I hurt him, Miss Bainbridge.” She answered with a level stare, letting just a hint of anger into her tone. “But, happily, that individual won’t be a problem for anyone else.”

“What do you mean?” The counselor asked, her face turning serious. “Exactly how badly did you hurt him, Teagan?”

“I didn’t kill him, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Teagan said, letting her tone turn gentle again. “Let’s just say he’s going to be in prison for a very, very long time. And you are about to cross a line you should not cross, Miss Bainbridge. What happened a year ago has nothing to do with you or this school. Nor does it have anything to do with last week. Now let it drop. Please.”

“Tell me, Teagan. When was the last time you had a nightmare?” The counselor asked, switching gears.

“You know, I don’t actually remember?” Teagan answered truthfully. “Let me think. Sometime before Christmas I guess. Why?”

“Do you have the same nightmare each time? Can you remember it?” The counselor pressed.

Teagan looked around curiously.

“I don’t see a couch, Miss Bainbridge.”

“What?” The counselor asked blankly.

“Well, if you’re going to try and psychoanalyze me the least you could do is offer me a place to lie down.” Teagan said with a smile. “Do you actually have a license to practice psychiatry?”

“No. And that’s not what I’m trying to do, Teagan.” The woman’s smile looked just a little frayed.

“Why don’t we concentrate on changing my class schedule then? Because, and again this is with all due respect, you are trespassing into matters that do not concern you. Please stop doing that.”

“If you don’t cooperate, Teagan, I will have to recommend you be suspended from school. Further, I will have to report to the police that I believe you’ve been abused. I don’t want to do that. But if you don’t tell me where you were last week, young lady, I will. Have I made myself perfectly clear?” The woman wasn’t smiling now.

Teagan stared at her, shocked the woman was going for the nuclear option.

“Tell me right now, young lady or we’re going straight to the principal’s office. Your choice.” The counselor said grimly.

Teagan considered several options, and rejected most of them as unworkable, counterproductive, or distasteful.

Taking a deep breath and a firm grip on her temper, she let her face settle into a mild expression, and her voice, when she spoke, was equally mild.

“I don’t recall threatening you, Miss Bainbridge.”

The woman’s eyes narrowed.

“What are you talking about?” She demanded.

“In fact I don’t recall saying anything rude to you at all. Did I?” Teagan asked gently. “In fact, didn’t you compliment me for being very polite?”

“What are you playing at, Miss O’Gara?” The woman asked sternly.

“Please answer my question, Miss Bainbridge. Have I threatened you or been rude?

“No. But you are trying my patience, young lady.” The woman said, glaring. “Where were you last week?”

“That is not information you’re allowed to have, Miss Bainbridge. I’ve asked you to stop prying into my business several times, quite politely. Now you’ve threatened me, but I’m still willing to settle this without involving lawyers.”

“Lawyers?” The woman laughed. “I’m within my legal rights, young lady. The law is on my side. Don’t be stupid. You wouldn’t even be able to hire a lawyer, and even if you could they wouldn’t take the case because they know they’d lose.”

“Anyone can sue anyone for anything.” Teagan said calmly. “If you carry out your threat I will sue the school, as well as you personally, for invasion of privacy, Miss Bainbridge. Making a private matter public, and presenting myself and my parents in false light is definitely actionable, and lawyers are notoriously aggressive. It would be extremely expensive and no doubt the school would take a dim view of your actions.”

Teagan blessed Evelyn Lewis for bringing up the subject last night, and providing the legal mumbo-jumbo and explaining what it actually meant.

“Are you threatening me, young lady?” The guidance counselor asked incredulously.

“Yes.” Teagan said calmly. “However, as I said I’d much rather settle this amicably. I am not bluffing, Miss Bainbridge. You have threatened me. I do not allow threats against me to continue. Therefore one of us is going to end the threat. If you force me to end it you’ll be financially and professionally ruined by the time I’m done. I’m asking you, in the name of harmony, to end the threat yourself.”

She watched the woman, using the same stare she’d used on the detective a year ago. Not threatening, not pleading, just waiting.

Finally the woman broke eye contact.

“Have it your way, Miss O’Gara.” She said with bad grace. “But the next time you miss school you’d better be on death’s door, you understand me? Or you will be suspended. Do you understand?”

“What about the changes to my class schedule?” Teagan asked, unperturbed.

“Don’t push your luck, kid.” The woman snarled. “No, you know what? Fine. You want senior classes? You got them! When you flunk don’t come sniveling to me. Economics, Sociology, and Psychology, right?”

Teagan nodded.

“Now get back to class, young lady!”

“Thank you, Miss Bainbridge.” Teagan said mildly, standing. “And I’m not being snarky. Thank you for ending your threat. I am grateful.”

“Get out of here!” The woman said, glaring.

Once Teagan had gone Miss Bainbridge buried her head in her hands for several minutes, and shook like a leaf. Once she felt calm enough she slowly filled out the schedule change and signed the approval.

“This isn’t over, little girl.” She whispered, her hand trembling slightly as she put the sheet into the Out basket.

ooOoo

Teagan still had about twenty minutes before her second period class. She spent it hiding in a stall of the girl’s bathroom, breathing deeply and trying not to throw up.

Damn it, I’m the freaking queen of the freaking trolls! She snarled to herself, shivering from the after effects of the adrenaline rush. I didn’t fall to pieces like this after fighting Discord! She’s just a school counselor! I’m tougher than this! I’ve fought gods! I’m possessed by a demon! This was nothing. She backed off when I called her bluff. What if Fjell could see his queen now, huh? Some hero you are, Teagan!

The sound of the first period ending bell forced her to start moving. By the time she fumbled open her locker she’d managed to calm down enough not to show the after effects of her confrontation with Miss Bainbridge, even though her stomach was still queasy.

ooOoo

When the final bell rang Teagan was relieved. She’d managed to get through her classes without incident and as she put her books away she was looking forward to tonight’s spar with Matt. She needed the comforting focus of the dojo, still unsettled from her encounter this morning. She also wanted to talk to Matt about the Snøskred and Miss Bainbridge. She snorted a short laugh when she pictured the look on the school counselor’s face if she ever met the troll.

“Hi.” Emma said as Teagan closed her locker, appearing from behind the door like a jack in the box. Teagan jerked in surprise, instinctively moving backward.

“Wow, jumpy much?” Emma asked, staring at Teagan’s half crouch and raised arms.

“Sorry.” Teagan responded as she straightened up. “You startled me. It’s been a long day, Emma.”

“What did Bainbridge want?” Emma asked, falling in beside Teagan as they made their way toward the exit.

“Same as you. Wanted to know where I was.” Teagan said. “I wish everybody would just leave it alone.”

“Did you tell her?” Emma asked.

“No. I told her what I told you. It was a private family matter. Just trust me about this, ok? Don’t pry.”

“Jeez, Teagan!” Emma grumbled. “The more you hide it the worse I think it is!”

Teagan glared at her friend, who put up her hands.

“Ok, ok! But you owe me. Big time.” Emma warned her. “As a down payment how about hanging with me tonight? I haven’t seen you since before Christmas.”

“You know I’ve got Krav Maga. How about we meet at the library afterward?”

“I’m thinking not.” Emma grinned impishly. “How about I come with you?”

“All right, who are you and what have you done with Emma?” Teagan asked. “You always duck out of my invitations to come to the dojo. Why now?”

“Because I’m worried you’re doing something dangerous.” Emma said, sobering. “I want to see how good you’ve gotten at protecting yourself, Teelo. Then maybe I won’t worry so much.”

“Oh, jeez Emma, you look like a puppy when you do that!” Teagan complained. “Fine, come with me. I’ll introduce you to Matt. We’ll put on a show for you.” She grinned, picturing Emma’s face watching her and Matt in a full contact spar. The way she was feeling right now she wanted a full on spar, bruises be damned. Maybe a heavy workout with Crush too.

She pulled out her cell phone and dialed her mother.

“Hey Mom, it’s me. I finally convinced Emma to come to the dojo with me. You mind if she has supper with us?”

“No, that’s fine. How was school today?” Her mother asked.

Teagan rolled her eyes. “Tell you about it tonight after Emma and I get back from the dojo. Maybe invite Evelyn over for some cards or something.”

“Oh?” Her mother’s voice sharpened. “Did something happen?”

“Kind of. Listen, Emma and I will be there in less than ten minutes. What are we having?”

“Meatloaf.” Her mother replied. “With that onion gravy you like so much.”

Teagan’s stomach suddenly growled, and she felt her mouth water.

“Emma, it’s meatloaf. With Mom’s special onion gravy.” She grinned at her friend.

“Yum!” Emma grinned. “My mom still wants the recepie for that gravy!”

“Ah. Emma’s there with you.” Her mother said in sudden elightenment.

“Yep. Listen, is there enough for seconds? I’m starved.” Teagan asked.

“If you don’t want leftovers tomorrow.” Her mother said in amusement. “See you in a few minutes.”

“Bye, Mom.” Teagan put the phone in her purse.

ooOoo

“Matthew Sanders, I’d like you to meet Emma Halstead, my best friend. She wanted to come watch us spar.” Teagan said. They were standing in the entrance to the small dojo Matt owned. It wasn’t fancy, but it was kept neat and tidy.

“Maybe she’d like to take some classes too?” Matt smiled at the brown haired girl.

“Um, not really. I just wanted to see Teelo in action.” Emma said quickly. Matt chuckled.

“Teelo takes her training pretty seriously, Emma. We usually do full contact sparring, so it’s gonna be kind of scary to watch. You ok with that?”

“Sure. As long as all I have to do is watch.” Emma said quickly. “I’m no fighter!”

“Matt, I need to work off some aggravation. Can we do a full on combat spar, then maybe some club work? Projectile parries? The really hard stuff?” Teagan asked.

“What’s up, Squirt?” Matt asked, eyes narrowing.

“Hard day. How about it?”

“If your friend promises not to run screaming when it gets exciting.” Matt replied, eyeing Emma.

“I’ll be ok.” Emma said. “You make it sound like you’re going to kill each other or something.”

“That’s what it’s going to look like.” Matt warned her. “Krav Maga’s not a sport, Emma. It’s not about a way to stay in shape. It’s about keeping nasty people from hurting you. The best way to do that is hurt them bad enough they can’t chase you when you get a chance to run away.”

“I’ve got to go change. Matt, why don’t you show her the dojo? And try not to scare her with your stories.” Teagan said sternly as she headed for the locker room, Crush slung across her back.

“Why does Teelo have that big iron club, anyway? And why is she so protective about it? She won’t let anyone near the thing.” Emma asked as she followed Matt through the door. She blinked as they came into a large room with padded mats on the floor. The back wall was covered with what looked like weapons and strange oversized knee pads and helmets.

“She picked that up last year.” Matt said. “It’s a souvenir from her adventures. She’s been learning to use it properly ever since.”

“She doesn’t like to talk about last year.” Emma said. “Any idea why?”

“Not my tale to tell, Emma. Let’s just say when you run away from home some of the people you meet aren’t very nice. You want to know anything else you’ll have to ask the Squirt.”

Emma giggled. “I can’t believe she lets you call her that! She’d slap me silly if I tried to.”

“She’s hit me a couple of times over it.” Matt confided, chuckling. “Of course if you hit me I tend to hit back.” He grinned. Emma swallowed, suddenly aware how big he was, and that his grin looked a little bit crazy…

“But in Krav Maga you learn to take hits as well as dish them out.” He continued. “Here you go, my lady! Thy throne, from whence to gaze upon the gladiatorial games laid on for thy enjoyment.” He waggled his eyebrows and smiled the most charming smile Emma had ever had directed her way.

She blushed and sat down. Matt winked at her and went to the back wall, starting to put on protective gear. When he was finished he almost looked like an armored knight, if knights wore black padded leather instead of steel.

Teagan came into the room dressed in shorts and a tee-shirt with her club slung casually across her back. She went to the back wall and slipped off the club, and started picking her own protective gear, donning it with easy, habitual movements. Emma blinked, suddenly realizing both Teagan and Matt were wearing a very embarrassing piece of protection. Neither one of them seemed to pay any attention to it. Emma began to wonder just what they were going to do…

“Ok, Squirt, you ready? Half speed P1 moves first, then P2, then a few of the basic P3’s.”

“Then full speed?” Teagan asked, shifting to an odd stance.

“You’re sure you want me to wipe the floor with you in front of your friend?” He asked with a laugh.

“I’ve got a trick or two I’ve been thinking about. We’ll see who the mop is and who the floor is, Mr. Braggy-Pants.” Teagan retorted.

“Oh ho, feeling cocky are we? Ok, Squirt, by the numbers.” He moved toward her and Emma gasped as he suddenly lunged, a knife having appeared in his hand. He slashed downward and Emma was amazed to see Teagan reach up with her left hand and block the blow by grabbing his wrist while simultaneously slamming the heel of her right hand against his face guard. His left hand came around in a roundhouse punch Emma was sure would take Teagan’s head off. Teagan sank under the punch by flexing her knees. It passed harmlessly overhead and actually hit Matt’s knife arm, knocking the blade out of his hand. Teagan kicked him solidly in the shin, then turned sideways and moved backward in a complicated move that Emma’s eyes couldn’t follow.

That was half speed? She thought incredulously as she watched the two of them circle. The fight continued with Matt occasionally giving Teagan an order, which seemed to change the kind of blows they traded.

After five minutes they were both sweating lightly.

“All right, that’s a good warm up.” He said. “Ready to bring it, little girl?”

“If you think you can handle me, old man!” She said with laughter in her voice.

ooOoo

Crush, wake up, Teagan thought. The eyes in her head opened.

Can you do anything for me? She silently asked the eyes.

What do you mean? Crush asked in reply.

Can you help me fight with just my body? Lend me strength or speed?

I have never tried doing that since I became a weapon. If I were truly possessing you I could use my magic to aid you, but I am not.

Silly demon, I’m not asking you to make me your puppet. I’m asking if you can be a true symbiont. Make my muscles stronger, my reflexes sharper. There’s going to be times I’m not carrying you I might have to fight. Or can you only help if you’re actually in my hand?

Distance is irrelevant. Crush replied, obviously thinking about it. We are bound magically; we are one creature with two minds. No matter where we are we are always together no matter how far away the club is from you.

Now would be a good time. Matt’s really fast and I want to impress Emma so she won’t pry about where I was last week. Yikes!

Teagan barely blocked a kick that would have put her on her back, and Matt took merciless advantage, launching a combination attack. Distracted, she responded instinctively, diving to the side to get some distance, and rolling to her feet even as he started to close again.

“Head in the game, Squirt!” He said. “What’s your friend going to think if you put up such a pitiful fight? I trained you better than this! Now focus. Knock me down and stomp on me like I showed you!”

That’s when a peculiar sensation washed over Teagan. Time seemed to slow down. The shifting of Matt’s body as he launched another kick seemed to take a full minute. A calmness settled over her, giving her plenty of time to choose the correct response. She twisted out of line with the kick and let his leg slide past her side. Bending her knees she fell slightly forward as one arm grabbed his leg and trapped it against her stomach. Her weight came down on her left foot and she brought her right knee up sharply and slammed it into his groin even as her free hand formed a fist and punched him in the chin, the blow absorbed by his helmet.

As a follow through, she released pressure on his trapped leg and let his weight pull him away from her. When his leg finally slid free she grabbed the underside of his ankle and lifted as hard as she could.

Matt sprawled backward, slamming into the floor. He rolled desperately to the side as she pivoted on her right foot and brought her left foot down where his kneecap would have been. She danced back.

What was that? She asked Crush silently.

My attempt to help. Crush said. Was that what you had in mind?

It was pretty good. Did you boost my reflexes?

No. Such things are dangerous if done badly. The middle of a spar is not the time experiment.

“Wow! Impressive, Squirt!” He said. “That was way beyond a P2! Time-out!”

She straightened, relaxing.

“Where’d you pick up that little combo?” Matt said. “I never taught it to you. You been practicing or was it improvisation?”

“I had a little help from Crush.” She said, lowering her voice so Emma couldn’t hear. “Tell you later.”

“Gotcha.” He replied sotto voce. Raising his voice he continued.

“Either way, good job, Teelo. You want to try some parries now? I think you’ve earned it.”

“I’d love to!” She said, grinning.

“Hey, Emma, I need an assistant for this. You game?” Matt called, walking toward her.

“Are you nuts?” Emma retorted. “I wouldn’t last two seconds against either one of you!”

“Nah, it’s nothing like that. I just need you to throw things at her.”

“Say what?” Emma said blankly. Matt grinned at her.

“Teelo wants to try using her club to parry thrown objects. You know, knives, rocks, bottles, that kind of thing. She’s pretty good against an opponent in front, so I want to increase the challenge and have a second thrower.”

“You’re going to throw rocks at her? And knives?” Emma asked in disbelief.

Teagan burst out laughing.

“No, you idiot! We use rubber balls! That’s all. Well, rubber knives too, but they won’t hurt me. Honest.”

“They do sting if you throw them hard enough.” Matt said, grinning at Teagan. “First time she insisted on trying this she ended up with dozens of red spots all over her.”

“Yeah, I remember.” Teagan grimaced. “But you haven’t managed to hit me in three months, remember?”

“Three months?” Emma asked. “You’ve been doing this for three months?”

“Seven.” Matt corrected her. “She was pretty horrible at it for the first two.”

“Hey, last week I managed to smack two back at you.” Teagan chuckled. “I’m not so horrible anymore.”

“What would I have to do?” Emma asked cautiously.

“Teagan stands in that circle.” Matt explained, pointing to a circle about three feet in diameter. “You and I will each have a bucket with a dozen balls in it. We stand about twenty feet away from her. You stand to one side so we don’t hit each other if we miss her. The rules of the game are simple. She can either dodge the balls or knock them away with her club, but she has to stay inside the circle. If her foot goes over the line then she loses.”

“If we manage to hit her, she loses. What do you think, Teelo? Since there’s two of us how about three hits instead of just one?”

“That’s fine.” Teagan said. “Emma couldn’t hit the side of a barn anyway. And she throws like a girl.”

“Hey!” Emma protested.

“I’ve seen you throw, Emma.” Teagan said rolling her eyes.

“Teelo, you know what? Just for that I’m gonna make it sting when I hit you.” Emma retorted. “I’m in.”

“I think you made her mad, Squirt.” Matt chuckled. “Tell you what, Emma. To make up for the Squirt’s over confidence you only have to hit her once to win. I still have to hit her three times. If that hasn’t happened by the time we run out of balls, Teelo wins.”

ooOoo

“That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!” Emma said for the third time as she and Teagan walked home from the dojo. “It was like you had eyes in the back of your head! I didn’t know you were that graceful. That club of yours must be hollow. It moved so fast sometimes I couldn’t even see it! It was like you were dancing or something.”

Teagan snickered. Crush was many things, but hollow certainly wasn’t one of them.

“I nearly hit you a couple of times, though.” Emma pointed out. “So you can take back that comment about the broadside of a barn, thank you very much.”

“Yeah, you didn’t do too badly. Amazing what a touch of anger can do to the most timid scaredy-cat, isn’t it?”

“What? You tricked me?” Emma squawked in outrage.

Teagan nodded happily.

“Sure did. Wasn’t as scary as you thought, was it?”

“Well, not the rubber ball part.” Emma said. “But when you and Matt were fighting I thought somebody was going to end up in the hospital! I still can’t believe you kicked him in the nuts! Is that what Krav Maga’s really all about? Fighting dirty?”

“Pretty much.” Teagan agreed. “But we were sparring, not fighting. If we’d been fighting I’d be dead. Matt’s an E3, that’s the equivalent of a black belt. I’m a P2, which is like a yellow belt. He was holding back.”

“You’re kidding! Were you holding back?”

Teagan shook her head. “Not really. I mean I wasn’t aiming for his eyes or throat, but he tells me he wants me to go all out. Once I reach P4 I’ll have to be more careful. Right now he can still handle me when I don’t hold back.”

“You managed to knock him down at the end.” Emma said. Teagan chuckled.

“Yeah, first time I ever managed that. I mean, I’ve landed hits and kicks before, but never actually knocked him down. I better savor it, because its gonna be a long time before I manage it again.”

“Teagan, he said you were really serious about training when I was talking to him.” Emma said carefully. “What happened last year? What made you so scary?”

“You think I’m scary?” Teagan asked, feeling her stomach contract with dread, wondering if she was going to lose a friend.

“Well, yeah. After what I saw tonight I’d say you’re the second scariest person I ever met.”

“Only the second?” Teagan tried for levity even with the knot in her belly.

“Yeah. Matt’s scarier than you are.” Emma said.

“So are you scared of me now?” Teagan couldn’t hide the plaintive note in her voice.

Emma snickered. “You may be scary but you’re still my best friend. Jeez, give me some credit, Teelo. I know you’d never hurt me.”

Teagan breathed a sigh of relief, feeling the knot in her belly loosen.

“I just want to understand. Something bad happened last year, didn’t it?” Emma asked, staring straight ahead.

Teagan hesitated.

“Yeah.” She said finally. “Something really, really bad. There’s no way I’m telling you about it. No need for you to have nightmares too.”

“Oh.” Emma said after a second.

They walked in silence for a while. Then Emma broke the silence.

“Tell me whatever you can, Teelo. You shouldn’t have to keep this kind of a secret all alone.”

“Emma, if I tell you anything, you have to swear not to tell another living soul. Not even your parents. If the wrong people found out I’d have to leave and never come back. Maybe my parents too.”

Emma stopped walking and turned to look at her, shocked.

“Holy crap, Teagan, are you in witness protection or something?” Emma asked quietly, glancing around at the empty street.

“Promise me.” Teagan demanded in a low harsh whisper. Emma stared at her, taken aback.

“I promise. You’re my best friend, Teagan. I’ll never betray you. You know that.”

“I’m trusting you with my life, Emma. You still want to know?”

“Yes.” Emma nodded.

“I didn’t run away last year.” Teagan said, and started walking again, keeping her voice low. “That’s just a story we told everybody, to keep people from digging into what really happened. The truth is I was kidnapped.”

“Oh God!” Emma exclaimed, horrified.

“This freak show took me right out of my bed.” Teagan said, shivering as she remembered Discord’s claws pricking her throat. “He drugged me or something. When I woke up I was in another country.”

“What?” Emma asked, her eyes wide in the evening gloom.

“Yeah.” Teagan nodded grimly. “That’s what makes things so complicated. Long story short, I managed to escape when he left me alone for a couple of hours. Then I was found by some very kind people. Turns out he let me escape as part of some crazy scheme just to get at them. He was so crazy I’m not sure even he knew what he was going to do. But he hated them so much he wanted them dead. Nothing else mattered to him.”

Teagan felt her temper flare as she remembered Discord holding the struggling Fluttershy and laughing about what he planned to do to her as revenge against Celestia.

She took a deep breath and fought to stay calm. She had to walk a very fine line here. There was no way she was going to lie to Emma, but nothing said she had to correct any erroneous conclusions her friend jumped to…

“You know how they say crazy people are super strong? Well, he sure was! He hurt a lot of those nice people, Emma. The last one was a girl, not much older than me. He started boasting how he was going to torture her to death and take his time. She was so scared, Emma! I’d been cowering in the corner while the fight was going on, but the look on her face…” Teagan shuddered.

“They had a lot of medieval decorations around, you know, armor and swords and stuff. I grabbed the closest one, which happened to be this club, and broke his arm with it. Then I hit him in the face and knocked him down.”

“You don’t want to hear the rest.” Teagan muttered, looking away.

“I think you need me to.” Emma said, “Tell me.”

“He was down, Emma. He couldn’t move. I’d broken something important when I hit him. He was paralyzed.”

“I—” She stopped. Emma waited, holding her breath.

“I tried to murder him, Emma! If the cavalry hadn’t arrived at the last second and grabbed the club I would have smashed his skull in! I was already starting to swing, Emma!”

“Oh, Teelo.” Emma said, face white in the dimness. She was shaking. Wordlessly she hugged her friend. Teagan hugged her back and started to cry in great shuddering sobs. She hadn’t cried since being humiliated by Discord. Not once. And now she just couldn’t stop. Emma held her wordlessly as she bawled right there on the deserted street, her tears freezing on her face in the frigid night air.

ooOoo

When Teagan finally regained control and Emma had found her a pack of tissues to blow her nose the two started walking again. It was a miracle nobody had wandered by during her breakdown.

“They hushed it up, Emma.” Teagan finally said. “My friends are really high up in their government. They helped me get back home without anyone knowing I’d been out of the country. So now you know why you can’t say a word to anybody. I’d be in serious trouble, and so would they.”

“What happened to that psycho?” Emma asked. Teagan paused, unsure how to answer truthfully until sudden inspiration struck.

“He’s still alive.” Teagan replied. “But he’s in a permanent vegetative state.”

That’s true, Teagan thought to herself. He is still alive and he certainly isn’t conscious…

“My lips are sealed, Teelo. He got what he deserved. But that still doesn’t explain where you were last week.”

“Crazy guy had an even crazier sister.” Teagan said shortly. “She kidnapped one of my friends. I went back to make sure crazy sister didn’t hurt anybody else.”

“What happened?”

“My friend is back safe. Crazy sister won’t be hurting anybody else. Then they brought me home with nobody the wiser.”

“How are you getting in and out of the country, Teelo? Ever since 9/11 airport security’s been insane. Everybody knows that.”

“Diplomatic aircraft are never searched, Emma.” Teagan replied. Emma’s mouth became a perfect O as comprehension dawned.

That’s also true. And I never said I was actually on a diplomatic plane...

“Now do you see why I can’t tell anyone?” Teagan asked. Emma nodded.

“That is the weirdest story I’ve ever heard.” Emma said. “It sounds like the plot of a spy thriller or something! But you’ve never lied to me before. No wonder you’re so deadly serious about self-defense classes!”

“Yeah. Now do me a huge favor and forget everything I said tonight. It never happened. Promise me, Emma.”

“I promise.” Emma said. “I’ll never tell anyone, or bring it up again—because we never had this conversation.”

“You’re the best, Emma!” Teagan said, a warm glow spreading through her. “Thank you.”

“You’re very, very welcome—Squirt.” Emma responded.

She laughed at Teagan’s outraged expression.

ooOoo

Lying in bed later that night, Teagan stared up at the ceiling, thinking about everything that had happened to her in the last year. How ridiculous it all was, how utter absurd her life had become. How nothing was simple anymore.

Physically exhausted from both her workout and her crying jag she reached out and ran her hand down Crush, unsheathed in the bed next to her, like she would have a dog.

“Good night, Crush.” She murmured, turning onto her side and drifting off to sleep—sleep utterly free of nightmares.

My Little Teelo: Winter's Silence

by Ardwolf

Nature Abhors A Vacuum

Trust But Verify

Gather Your Friends

Oh, So Close!

That's Not Mr. Ed!

Cold Case

Freak Out

Step By Step

Making Plans

Blind Man's Bluff

Of Sins And Sinners

The Price Of Joy

Trolling

Humility

Prophecy

The Hunt Begins

Party Like A Rock Farmer

Cerise Introduces Herself

Good News

Heart Of Ice

Horseshoe Nail

Snowbound

Shank's Mare

Fly Away Home

Murphy's Law Is Lame

Surprise!

Loose Ends

Welcome To Equestria

Party Animals

From The Sublime To The Ridiculous