"Shhh! Pinkie Pie stay down or she'll see you! We all have to keep quiet," Rarity warned the party pony.
The five mares and Spike were crouched low, hiding in Twilights library.
Twilight Sparkle woke up from her sleep. She stretched her legs and looked out the window. It was a beautiful day outside and she couldn't wait to enjoy her special day. She skipped down the stairs with excitement. Once she reached the bottom of the stairs, all of her friends popped out and yelled "SURPRISE!" Twilight fell backwards in surprise.
"Wow!" she said. "Thanks for remembering that it was my birthday today! Pinkie, it looks like you really out did yourself with all the balloons and party streamers!"
Pinkie Pie giggled and said, "Oh Twilight, you know when it comes to parties I'm always on the ball! Here, have a cupcake!" Pinkie Pie stuffed a cupcake in Twilights mouth.
Suddenly, Spike hunched over, holding his stomach. Twilight looked at him as his cheeks puffed up a bit. He burped out loud and out came a letter. Twilight used her magic to levitate the letter in the air. It was from the Princess. The letter simply read, "Happy Birthday!" Out from the bottom of the folded letter fell out six small pieces of paper that fell to the ground. Twilight looked at each one.
"It looks like these are some kind of gift certificates to a place called...." Twilight paused for a moment. "Bits and Games? Have any of you girls heard of such a place before?"
None of her friends had an answer. They all simply shook their heads no.
Twilight scratched her mane with her hoof and said, "I wonder what kind of games this place has?"
Pinkie Pie shot up and yelled out, "Maybe they have pin the tail on the pony!"
"Or maybe it's some kind of indoor sporting place!" Rainbow added.
"Maybe they have farm games like horse shoe tossin' or somethin'," Applejack said.
"I don't know girls," Twilight said. "The Princess left us a good chunk of bits for each of us. Fifty bits for each one of us. That's an awful lot of money. It sounds like this might be an all day event or something. Maybe the Princess knows something about this place that we don't know, or even better, maybe she's going to throw a surprise party for me there!"
Pinkie Pie folded her front legs in protest and said, "No pony throws a better party than me!"
Applejack adjusted her hat and replied, "Aw, come on Pinkie! We really should go and see what it is that the Princess wants us to enjoy. Why don't we all just go out and see what the big fuss is about this place and if we still have some energy left the next day, then you can throw us an after-party party. Sound fair?"
Pinkie Pie nodded yes in agreement.
"How about before we go, we all get something to eat for breakfast? I am just starving right now," Twilight said.
The other five mares agreed and trotted off to get something to eat.
When they finished eating, they decided to go to this place called Bits and Games. There was only one problem. No pony knew how to get there. They asked around town, but no pony had an answer for them. They searched all over the place and eventually gave up.
Twilight leaned against a building that she was standing next to, she was tired and frustrated that no pony in town knew anything about this special place that the Princess wanted them to go to.
"Why would the Princess send us to a place where no pony has even heard of before? You would figure that if the Princess were sending us away to somewhere special, that it would be very well known. This all just doesn’t make any sense to me," Twilight said.
Rainbow giggled a bit and said, "Hey Twi! I think you found it. Look behind you."
Twilight turned around and to her surprise there was an old, beat up sign that read "Bits and Games."
The building was very old and looked like it had seen better days. The funny thing about this place was that it was right in the center of town. There was a small window in which Twilight peaked through. She could see some kind of snack bar and some lights in the background, but no pony appeared to be inside.
"Is this place even open?" Applejack asked.
"The sign says open," Fluttershy nervously added.
"Well what are we waiting for?" Rainbow said. "Let's see what this place is all about."
Fluttershy studied the building with caution. She opened the door gently only to fall back from being blasted by a cacophony of noise from inside the building. Fluttershy gasped in fear. She ran and hid behind a nearby tree.
"What in Equestria was that all about?" Rarity asked.
"I don't know," Twilight said. "But it looks like we have to get Fluttershy to calm down."
The five others had to pry Fluttershy from the tree and drag her back to the building.
"But I don't want to go in there. Whatever is in there is loud and scary and I'm so scared of loud noises. Please don't make me go back in there," she said with tears in her eyes.
Applejack let go of her tail and said, "Relax sugar cube, ain't nothin' gunna hurt you inside that place. We're all here and we won't let nothin' bad happen to ya. Ya hear?"
Fluttershy gulped and nodded her head slowly.
Rainbow rolled her eyes and bucked the door open. Loud sounds came out that made the rest of the girls cover their ears in disgust.
Fluttershy let out an "Eeeeep!" and hid behind the others.
"What is this place!?" Twilight yelled out.
Rarity took her hooves out from her ears and said, "It sounds absolutely awful inside there. Those sounds are just terrible. Why, I can't imagine why the Princess would send us to a place so loud inside! Why don't we all just go home instead?"
"No," Twilight said. "That isn't right. The Princess sent us a lot of money and wanted us to come here for a reason. I know it's loud and sounds terrible in there, but the least we can do is check it out."
Rainbow Dash led the way inside.
Applejack grabbed a hold of Fluttershy's tail and dragged her along as well.
Once inside, Twilights mouth hung open in surprise. She tried to talk, but no pony could hear her. She eventually gave up and gestured for every pony to stand over in the corner of the building. Finally, they were able to hear each other more clearly.
"Oh no, no, no, no, NO!" Twilight said. "The Princess must have gotten things mixed up and sent me the wrong gift or something."
Applejack scratched her chin with her hoof as she looked around. "What in tarnations is this place? I haven't seen anythin' like it," she said.
Rarity began to whine. "Oh this place is just awful! It smells bad in here and I'm worried I'll have to wash my mane when I get home. This is obviously not a place where a true lady would hang out." Rarity turned her head and sniffed her mane. She didn't look too happy.
Rainbow scratched her mane with her hoof and said, "I thought this place was going to have sports and be, you know, cool."
Fluttershy nervously squeaked, "Oh my, this place is so loud and scary and all the bright lights could give some pony a seizure. My animal friends would be terrified of such a place like this. I want to go home."
Pinkie bounced over with a confused look on her face and said, "Where exactly are we, Twilight?"
Twilight stepped back as she examined the place and said, "We must be in an arcade! I have heard about these places before, but have never been in one. This is absolutely ridiculous! There is no way the Princess would ever step hoof inside such a filthy, dirty place like this. She must have meant to send those gift certificates to a colt or something."
"There were six tickets," Applejack added. "And it is yer birthday. I reckon the Princess wouldn't make such a careless mistake like that considerin' that yer her favorite student and everythin'."
Twilight sighed and said, "I just won't be able to enjoy myself here. Let's all just go home and send the gift certificates back."
Pinkie Pie tilted her head in confusion. She walked over to one of the machines and stared at it. Her eyes lit up as she gawked at the flashing lights atop the arcade cabinet. She bounced on over to another machine. She began to stare at the monitor and giggled madly. She looked back over to Twilight and said, "Oh my! These colors are amazing Twilight! They make my head feel like there are explosions and rainbooms inside my brain!"
Twilights face turned red with anger. "Come on girls. Let's go home!"
Pinkie Pie bounced over to them with a frown and said, "But wait girls! There must be something each of us can enjoy! Can't we at least try something before we leave? I bet we'll find at least ONE game that we'll enjoy playing. Just look at all of these games and the bright colors on the screen! Oh, that game looks like fun, but so does this one and this game..."
Twilight Sparkle put her hoof to her mouth and silenced the pink mare. "Fine," she said. "We'll stay a while and play a FEW games, but I certainly am not going to spend a long time here. Video games are for little immature colts that have nothing better to do with their time, and I certainly have better things to do in life like reading books and doing scientific research! Why don't we all split up and find some games to play for now."
The other mares nodded in agreement, except for Fluttershy. She was hiding in the corner with her hooves covering her eyes. "Let's um, not go?" she whimpered, but it was too late. She was left all alone in the corner of the arcade. She uncovered her eyes and began to panic. Every pony was gone. "Girls? Girls? Eeeeeep!" Fluttershy cried out. Fluttershy put her hooves back over her eyes, when she noticed the bright flashing lights coming from one of the arcade cabinets.
The rest of the girls went over and cashed their gift certificates in. They were each given a small bag of bits to spend on the games.
It wasn't long before the wall of text became unreadable, but it was long enough to see that Spike would not be treated like a character and would not be participating in whatever fun escapade the ponies are about to experience.
You should add some breaks in there, its quite annoying to read walls of text.
Yeah, make a new paragraph every time someone new speaks and the whole thing would be about 20 times more readable. As it stands, it's giving me a headache.
i gotta agree with the other comments about adding in some breaks, but otherwise the story itself was really good
You need to but breaks into your wall o text. It makes the story hard to read when all I've got is a solid wall of text to look at me, dauntingly.
Please do cut up these paragraphs as the others have suggested.
1427207>>1427201>>1427170 I really don't see where your coming from It was readable and walls of text are fine (unless I dont like what i am reading)
As for the story its self Iiked it ive always had an interest in arcades and I remember playing space invaders when i was 6 wont lie some of it felt like it was taked on eg when applejack asked for joysticks name but it was still a cool idea
4/5
btw heres some cover art
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One speaker a paragraph.
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OH SWEET CELESTIA'S PLOT, IT'S ALREADY FRIGGING STARTED!
HIT THE DECK! IMMA DROP THE D-BOMB!
d37nnnqwv9amwr.cloudfront.net/photos/images/original/000/226/671/105650+-+artist+smashinator+atomic_bomb+derpy_hooves+poster.jpg
I can imagine you've already been told this, but I'm going to say it anyhow.
You need to make a new paragraph each time there's a new reader. For one, it makes it a lot easier on the reader to keep track of who's talking, and it makes it less taxing on the eyes to read the entire story. Without breaks between each speaker, it often becomes quite difficult to tell who's talking and who isn't, so at least hit enter once before you have a new speaker.
You REALLY need to separate this tower o' text. Like I've already said, it's taxing on the eyes. It is almost tiring to read all that text with hardly a break between.
After you introduce your enter key to this story, you ought to slow down just a smidgen. Events are seeming to blaze by before I can fully register all of what's occurring.
Other than that, I don't see too much that's wrong with this story, but I can't give it an honest-to-goodness review until I can read it. All that text is giving me a headache.
That was an awesome story...
But it kind was hard to stay focused
Try breaking paragraphs for each speaker
Holy great wall of text!
Good story, though, bro
1427391 Thanks for reading and liking my story! That cover art is just so cool, but I really wanted to keep the whole going to the arcade part a surprise to the reader. I love that image so much though! I'm glad you remeber going to the arcade. I actually still go to an arcade called Eight on The Break when I can. Arcades are so rare but fun, they are still magical to me!
1427764 Thanks for taking time to read. I'm happy you thought it was awesome!
1427789 Thank you! Have a Rainbow kiss!
As for everyone else. I'm sorry about the wall of text. I really don't know how to write any other way, and writing this way or reading other stories written like this dosen't bother me when I read. I guess I'm just used to it this way.
Nice story.
Though you should seriously space out your text. A wall of text is difficult to read and rather impossing.
Just ask this guy
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1427391 Hey look! Another enjoyable outing that Spike is excluded from! I'm getting the warm fuzzies thinking of him cleaning the library while his friends are all out having fun.
AWSOME!!!!
Everyone's already stated the obvious. This is a good story, it needs some polish and some logical breaks to help engage the audience.
I got through about 2/5 of it before the lack of a break got to me, I think it's a very good start
Mr. Brian Jacko, tear down this wall of text, tear it DOWN!!!
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I've just always wanted to do that but I never got the chance. Strangely, I did not notice your leaning tower of text until reviewers pointed it out.
Umm, well g'bye.
1690758>>1462458>>1427668>>1427525>>1427335>>1427333>>1427314>>1427207>>1427201>>1427170 Just a quick update for those of you who couldn't stand to read the wall of text. I updated the entire story so it should feel a lot better on your eyes, I'm also in the process of updating all my other stories so they should be more readable too! There still might be some errors in the story, but I gave it my best shot. I hope everyone may reconsider reading now. Sorry it took me so long! Hope you guys enjoy!
2237601 I re-read the first few hundred words, and I still just see a bunch of ponies not giving a crap about the fact that one of their closest and most devoted and hard-working friends is completely left out while they go and have a blast. I skipped ahead and saw a bunch of ponies still not giving a crap that he missed whatever good times they had just experienced.
A other great story you good at writing stories
2247919 Thank you! I'm so happy you liked it
I honestly never realized how few arcades there are left before I read this. It's kinda sad.
2658782 See if there are any around near you and support them! Arcades are "Magical" and so is friendship!
I REMEMBER SEEING THIS LIKE A BAJILLION TIMES IN MY DREAMS
Rarity closed her eyes in frustration and used her magic to put more coins into the machine. "There's nothing wrong with trying again. You can have a little fun, Rarity. It's not a big deal." As Rarity selected her character, she started to scream at the machine. "You're going down punk! I'll show you this time!" Rarity couldn't help but smile a sinister grin. She felt awfully guilty that she was enjoying a game in such an unclean place, but that didn't stop her from playing again. She wanted to beat the game, more importantly, she wanted some pony else to play with her so she could beat them as well. Rarity pounded the keys again and she screamed out loud in excitement, "C-c-c-c-combo breaker!"
2938554 Me too! They are precious memories!
2691297
OH MY BUCKING FAUST, ARCADES ARE FRIENDSHIP!!!!
3062395 They sure are, and magical too!
arcades are where i learned how to shoot basketball better still better at defense though
What a great birthday for Twilight!
Don't be such a scaredy pony, Fluttershy.
Oh, Dashie... What you wouldn't do for your little sister on your first day at Bits and Games.
Man, I just love SoarinDash! One of the cutest couples in MLP ever! Any other straight couples you love?
Joy Stick, huh? Nice name.
Also, the correct plural noun would be princesses.
3239314 Thank you so much for finding those errors!
A fun fact about this story was that this entire story was created because of that one very short scene in the episode, Hearts and Hooves day, where the Cutie Mark Crusaders sang the song, The Perfect Stallion. If I did not see that little colt with the hat playing on an arcade cabinet, then I don't think this story would have been created, or at least not nearly as soon as I did create this. And yes, I was inspired to make this long before the fandom gave that little colt the name, Button Mash.
Joy Stick was kind of a cute name I thought.
I'm really glad you liked this story. It's also very much inspired by an arcade that I go to called Eight on the Break. It's only about a half hour drive away from my house too, so I'm very fortunate. Here's a great video about the arcade!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9z-F5Kj1i8
I wrote that one Flutter x Mac story in my (SiC) series. That can be a very cute ship, but that's a very difficult ship to write for because they are both so shy and quiet. Soarin' and Dash will probably always be my top favorite. I have written a few male O.C. characters to ship with the female characters like Rain Storm for Dash, or Sun Rise for Applejack, and I wrote a romantic story where you star as a stallion and teach Fluttershy kindness. Those are all I have as of now. I actually had fun shipping Applejack with a Wonderbolt named Lightning Streak too. It's kind of hard when there are hardly any male characters in the show. Most of the male characters in the show are just flat and dull when it comes to their personalities and it's rare that we even get to hear a male character speak unless it's Big Mac, but he doesn't say too much either.
3241559
I remember that part.
Yes, I know. I've read that story on FlutterMac you wrote. Needless to say, they're perfect!
"Videos games are for little immature colts that have nothing better to do with their time"
Okay that mess up twilight, arcade games are awesome and fun to play go ask button mash he agree with me