Sunny Flare and Sugarcoat are so obviously trying to help Sour Sweet, and the fact that her horrible, self-hating thought patterns keep getting in the way of that is so hard to read.
Another really immersive, vivid chapter, really showing the reasoning behind Sour Sweet's irrational thinking and what it leads her to. What it's doing to her friends is already heartbreaking, but the thought of being in Tenor's place in this kind of situation is just... God.
To be fair, Tenor might have only been that interested in Sour Sweet in the hopes of getting laid with a cute girl--teenage hormones gonna teenage hormone--but he's clearly a good guy at heart, who has asked for her consent for everything from putting his arm around her all the way up to full-on sex and gotten nothing but affirmatives. If she's mirroring positive body language along with her words, what exactly else is he supposed to think or feel here? He's doing all the things one should do in that situation, but because he isn't privy to what's going on in Sour Sweet's head--and why--he's gonna feel awful in the next five seconds. And I feel for him there.
It would have been easy for Tenor to be a creep or abusive or anything, but he's not. He's being decent and reasonable and asking for consent, like you said, and only moving ahead when he gets it. He's doing it right, but he doesn't know the situation with Sour Sweet. Who is not a bitch, either, just messed up... but that's not her fault, either.
It's a terrible situation, but nobody's a bad guy here. Which, in a way, makes it all the more painful.
Woof. I don't quite know where to start, so I'll just go by train of thought. Apologies for any confusion.
First off, I was so sure that Sour would fully commit to the deed, and the next chapter would cover the fallout. By the way, was that grey haze thing and Sour "watching herself" some kind of dissociation?
I know I'm repeating what's been said, but I'm glad that Tenor at least asked for Sour's consent multiple times.
Poor Sour's breakdown over the drinks being spilled. She's been through so much!
I was so sure that Sour would fully commit to the deed, and the next chapter would cover the fallout.
I considered this idea, and I think it could've been a good story if I went that way. Ultimately I decided against it though, because if the story contained that level of sexual trauma, that trauma would need to become the focus of the rest of the story in order to do it justice. As it is, Sour Sweet still clearly experiences sexual trauma, but not in such severity as to shift the focus of the story completely away from the BPD experience.
was that grey haze thing and Sour "watching herself" some kind of dissociation?
Yep, severe dissociation is a really common symptom of borderline. When your feelings are always so intense, and your mood is so reactive and unstable, sometimes it just gets to be too much, and the brain disengages because it can't handle it anymore.
I love the way Sour’s internal voice briefly, and constantly, interrupts the flow of the conversation with her friends. That might sound a bit weird, but it makes it feel so true to life: Something’s said, she immediately internalises it and this stupid little voice yanks on the choke-chain and stops her from feeling, you know, happy that her friends care about her. And more than that, it seems to interrupt Sour’s own speech. Her sentences feel disjointed without the monologue because, of course, the monologue itself is the surreptitious third party in the conversation.
Assume the best of others, and surely they’d assume the best of her
The talk of a big spring break party, meeting new people, and this line… there’s this horrible pit forming in my stomach…
I suspect it's the foreshadowing at play here, but that pit is not abating as the scene changes and Tenor is introduced.
And yet… well, it’s been said many a time here so I’ll beat the dead horse a bit more. I really appreciate that you make Tenor… well, okay. He’s a bit too forward, and not exactly experienced at picking up some of Sour’s more subtle cues, but he’s a teenager at a big party – a combination not exactly renowned for inciting level-headedness. He checks multiple times that Sour consents to what’s going on, but from where we are in Sour’s head writing this part of the comment… kinda makes me feel disgusted with myself.
But the important thing here: It would’ve been easy to make Tenor a bully, a monster, but I suspect that would’ve detracted from what this story is about: Sour, and her condition. So instead you make it complicated. Sour’s inner conflict is wrenching us in two directions, and… now the dissociation makes an awful lot of sense.
Damn, reading through this a second time is making me feel uncomfortable all over again. And that’s absolutely a compliment.
The events later in this chapter have dominate the comments - with good reason, to which I simply will emphasize TamiyaGuy's observation "[such parties are a setting] not exactly renowned for inciting level-headedness" - but I wanted to draw attention to earlier... The withdrawal, the paranoia and then the idealization of her friends, the fervor to 'be good/compliant', and the atmosphere of the party (real and internal) were all captivating, and, as I understand it, realistic if not authentic in their portrayal. Reading this is rough... which wins it all my praise.
Sunny Flare and Sugarcoat are so obviously trying to help Sour Sweet, and the fact that her horrible, self-hating thought patterns keep getting in the way of that is so hard to read.
Another really immersive, vivid chapter, really showing the reasoning behind Sour Sweet's irrational thinking and what it leads her to. What it's doing to her friends is already heartbreaking, but the thought of being in Tenor's place in this kind of situation is just... God.
To be fair, Tenor might have only been that interested in Sour Sweet in the hopes of getting laid with a cute girl--teenage hormones gonna teenage hormone--but he's clearly a good guy at heart, who has asked for her consent for everything from putting his arm around her all the way up to full-on sex and gotten nothing but affirmatives. If she's mirroring positive body language along with her words, what exactly else is he supposed to think or feel here? He's doing all the things one should do in that situation, but because he isn't privy to what's going on in Sour Sweet's head--and why--he's gonna feel awful in the next five seconds. And I feel for him there.
This is not gonna end well.
11788479
Yeah, I definitely appreciated that.
It would have been easy for Tenor to be a creep or abusive or anything, but he's not. He's being decent and reasonable and asking for consent, like you said, and only moving ahead when he gets it. He's doing it right, but he doesn't know the situation with Sour Sweet. Who is not a bitch, either, just messed up... but that's not her fault, either.
It's a terrible situation, but nobody's a bad guy here. Which, in a way, makes it all the more painful.
Woof. I don't quite know where to start, so I'll just go by train of thought. Apologies for any confusion.
First off, I was so sure that Sour would fully commit to the deed, and the next chapter would cover the fallout. By the way, was that grey haze thing and Sour "watching herself" some kind of dissociation?
I know I'm repeating what's been said, but I'm glad that Tenor at least asked for Sour's consent multiple times.
Poor Sour's breakdown over the drinks being spilled. She's been through so much!
Next chapter's going to be even rougher...
11799529
I considered this idea, and I think it could've been a good story if I went that way. Ultimately I decided against it though, because if the story contained that level of sexual trauma, that trauma would need to become the focus of the rest of the story in order to do it justice. As it is, Sour Sweet still clearly experiences sexual trauma, but not in such severity as to shift the focus of the story completely away from the BPD experience.
Yep, severe dissociation is a really common symptom of borderline. When your feelings are always so intense, and your mood is so reactive and unstable, sometimes it just gets to be too much, and the brain disengages because it can't handle it anymore.
I love the way Sour’s internal voice briefly, and constantly, interrupts the flow of the conversation with her friends. That might sound a bit weird, but it makes it feel so true to life: Something’s said, she immediately internalises it and this stupid little voice yanks on the choke-chain and stops her from feeling, you know, happy that her friends care about her. And more than that, it seems to interrupt Sour’s own speech. Her sentences feel disjointed without the monologue because, of course, the monologue itself is the surreptitious third party in the conversation.
The talk of a big spring break party, meeting new people, and this line… there’s this horrible pit forming in my stomach…
I suspect it's the foreshadowing at play here, but that pit is not abating as the scene changes and Tenor is introduced.
And yet… well, it’s been said many a time here so I’ll beat the dead horse a bit more. I really appreciate that you make Tenor… well, okay. He’s a bit too forward, and not exactly experienced at picking up some of Sour’s more subtle cues, but he’s a teenager at a big party – a combination not exactly renowned for inciting level-headedness. He checks multiple times that Sour consents to what’s going on, but from where we are in Sour’s head writing this part of the comment… kinda makes me feel disgusted with myself.
But the important thing here: It would’ve been easy to make Tenor a bully, a monster, but I suspect that would’ve detracted from what this story is about: Sour, and her condition. So instead you make it complicated. Sour’s inner conflict is wrenching us in two directions, and… now the dissociation makes an awful lot of sense.
Damn, reading through this a second time is making me feel uncomfortable all over again. And that’s absolutely a compliment.
The events later in this chapter have dominate the comments - with good reason, to which I simply will emphasize TamiyaGuy's observation "[such parties are a setting] not exactly renowned for inciting level-headedness" - but I wanted to draw attention to earlier... The withdrawal, the paranoia and then the idealization of her friends, the fervor to 'be good/compliant', and the atmosphere of the party (real and internal) were all captivating, and, as I understand it, realistic if not authentic in their portrayal. Reading this is rough... which wins it all my praise.