"N-no," she said through her tears. "I'm not okay."

Man

Wow. That was a tough read.

But so, so, so well done. God.

It's really striking how, throughout this story, as much as Sour Sweet has tried to do right by everyone around her--often in very irrational and twisted ways, but still trying nonetheless--everyone else is trying so hard to do the same. From Tenor, to her friends, to even her dad (very subtly, with clues like telling Saccharine to be nice to her) and of course, the most hard-hitting of all, Saccharine... it's all just so heartbreaking to read. That moment where Sour Sweet finally picks up the note and reads it absolutely brought me to tears. What a powerful demonstration of love.

As heavy as this story is, I couldn't help but laugh at this line, though:

"You're our friend, dumbass!" Sugarcoat said.

I don't think the levity there was intentional, but I really appreciated it regardless. That's such a Sugarcoat thing to say, lol. Which says a lot, given how little we see of her in Friendship Games. (I never saw any EqG shorts or specials with the Shadowbolts that might have aired later, though, but I'm guessing the characterization is probably similar.)

That first step towards getting better--admitting that you're not okay in the first place--is so tough, and yet so, so impactful. An incredible way to end this chapter.

11788523

That's such a Sugarcoat thing to say, lol.

It really is! And yeah, this is pretty heavy, even painful read... but that final line works.

"What happened, anyway?" Sunny Flare said. "One moment you're going to get us drinks, the next you're just gone, and then Zest said she saw you storming out?"

"And all of yesterday you just ignored us!" Sugarcoat said. "Do you know how worried we were?"

They both hate me.

Ironically it's Sour Sweet's anxiety about others hating her that is causing her to *actually* hurt her friends.

So there’s… there’s a lot of emotion packed into this, and there’s absolutely no let-up. Right from the start, there’s this feeling that I’m looking at a runaway train. And it feels like Sour’s the only person in the story here – even though there’s someone else in the room, Sour’s words and emotions are coming out unbidden and unfiltered, like that venomous inner monologue has finally been given a way out. I’m not quite sure how to describe what I’m feeling, honestly, but bloody hell do you ever make me feel it. It’s like I was being carried through on a wave of suspecting where this was going to go, doubting that it would, and really hoping that I was wrong.

No, that wouldn't be necessary. Everyone would understand—Saccharine might be confused at first, but Dad could explain it to her well enough.

Jesus, this hurts. And not just the bluntness of it, but the way you can tell Sour’s had this entire internal conversation just thinking about it, and that’s the outcome.

I apologise if this comment seems a bit of a mess; I’m struggling to put my thoughts into words to be honest. The best way I can put it is that you write the spiral so quickly and unrelentingly, it all mashes into this unrecognisable haze of ‘bad’. Right up until…

All the memories of her failures, all the anger and pain and terror, all the hatred and loss and misery… In an instant, it was all gone, stuffed away in the back of her mind

Fuck.

This… I don’t know if you intended for the reader to feel confused and overwhelmed throughout the first part, but to choose this particular moment to have everything snap back into clarity? There’s no way that’s accidental, and it is agonisingly true to life. Just the phrase ‘anchoring Sour Sweet to her own body’ made me have to stop for five minutes. Seven short words and you’ve spoken more sense about the topic than most entire journal articles I’ve read.

One final diatribe: You make Saccharine into such a great character here. I can tell you’ve thought up a lot of history with her and Sour’s condition, such that even though she might not understand Sour’s volatility, she understands that her sister isn’t defined by them. And more importantly, that she is determined, even in the bad times, to try to help however she can. It’s really nice to see it pay off at the end – a part of me hopes that Sour is able to tell her that it was her note that did it.

Dam this got me hard in the feels.

I did not expect the 'coping mechanism' of cutting herself from this character, but I buy it. :c

Perhaps even moreso than previous chapters, this one is a roller coaster of frame-of-mind for Sour Sweet. Of especial commendation is how it is written in and out of pearlescent lucidity and opaque snarls, yet each beat is genuine and recognizable; that we can get lost in them with Sour Sweet rather than simply lost.

It was arguably outdone by the latter scene, but the bit where SS whispers (to herself?) that she loves Saccharine after verbally ripping into her was at once both devastating and doubly illuminating.