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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well it's time for him to explain himself lol
I have a feeling she'll change her mind very quickly when she learns the truth to what happened to the orphanage and those poor kids.
And Kalfu would have fool-on proof by just showing the kid's spirits themselves and explained everything.
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Well, he is supposed to be a "neutral" deity. But that isn't my idea!
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While he is neutral, he isn't without a sense of justice. But it is delivered on his terms.
For me this wasn't bad. Enjoyed the ride so far.
Good.
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/ad25612c-e755-4e1b-a13e-94b27c6f79e0/ddmoffy-1fd8515e-3475-44ab-aaa1-651c481c36e4.jpg/v1/fit/w_828,h_518,q_70,strp/alastor_evil_happy_face_by_mask_of_vice_ddmoffy-414w-2x.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9ODAwIiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvYWQyNTYxMmMtZTc1NS00ZTFiLWExM2UtOTRiMjdjNmY3OWUwXC9kZG1vZmZ5LTFmZDg1MTVlLTM0NzUtNDRhYi1hYWExLTY1MWM0ODFjMzZlNC5qcGciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9MTI4MCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19.mfEkrRSeOR2phuhBqrHUjw6sAtQr8_0Q6Q0LrJFV1XI
"Well how would you punish two absolute scumbags who burn orphans alive for the insurance money? Probably payed by the government funds."
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Thank you. I'm just saying that you made him "neutral" in the first place. Not saying it's a bad thing.
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Question ( And to the author as well ); Would Kalfu or even the spirit kids start slightly blaming Celestia too for NOT seeing the signs of truly diabolical ponies behind their fake "white masks"!?
Or didn't even investigate what truly happened with the orphanage before Kalfu step in!? Or didn't notice that their was still children CASUALTIES before Kalfu figured it out by seeing the literal recently deceased spirit the kids!?
She is supposed to be a good judge of character, guess not?
She should feel total shame onto herself that all of that happened behind her back, and she didn't even notice a slight wrong herself!?
That sadly includes Luna also, since she also didn't noticed either until it's too late.
They should be negative consequences for their negligence.
How would those two explain the population what those horrible noble couple truly did, and the cruel kicker is that neither princess didn't even notice or even arrest them before it's too late!
And Kalfu is the one that did TRUE Justice! NOT the the Princesses, nor the Guards/"Law Enforcement", nor the Government!
See where I'm going with this?
I would not call those deaths the worst. Flogged to death, painful, but we have records of worse deaths, but the spiked cat o nine tails did boost it up. The dude had his limbs torn off, a very interesting choice, not a common one, but interesting. All in all, pales to the fact their souls got turned in to dust. Honestly, it does raises the question of what is worse, oblivion or eternal damnation. On one hand, you are reduced to nothing, basically perma dead, the atheist way. Eternal damnation means you suffer for all of eternity, but at least you exist and can curse, even if it futile, the ones that put you there.
Also interesting signature mark, simple yet elegant. Mine would also be a circle, just divided in 3 parts. One sign would most definitely be an upside down hanged man.
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That would happen. If he was actually Neutral and played BOTH sides of the coin. But he doesn't, sadly.
I know the Author will claim otherwise, but the ACTIONS in the story say otherwise. He turned down Chrysalis for being a 'villain' and evil. That is NOT Neutral. He protected Rarity without cause nor use to serve his own goal. That is NOT Neutral.
He is VERY CLEARLY Turning less into a "All Powerful Neutral Voodoo God, spreading his religion and beliefs to all" And more into a Self Insert character with Mary Sue powers.
Which is a shame. The first few chapters were great and amazing. But the last few have just made him more of a self insert character, another "Human in Equestria" story we literally already have THOUSANDS of by now, if not MILLIONS.
I want to see this all powerful Neutral God, manipulating and using the ponies and other races to spread his religion and faith. You know, the GOAL, OBJECTIVE, and DIVINE REASONING he was chosen to be sent here as a new GOD?
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Well, Xs and Os are what were used as voodoo/hoodoo symbols back in the slavery days on plantations. Especially in Louisiana where voodoo is still very much practiced today.
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First off, the only reason that he didn't work with Chryssy is because she denied the deal. He was asking for the souls of her children in order to give her what she wanted to help with taking over Canterlot. He only retaliated against her because she struck first. And you don't know his motives for saving Rarity. How could you? You aren't the writer of this story. You have no idea what the future holds for it. If you jump directly to the meat of the story, it gets boring for the reader quickly. I want them to keep coming back for each chapter I make. Even if it is just a nice little filler before main events. He hasn't forgotten his goal. And nor have I.
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"He was asking for the souls of her children in order to give her what she wanted"
That's KINDA the problem. He gave her an UNFAIR Equivalent deal, knowing she would not take it. That would be like, me asking him for $100, and he in returned he wanted me in Debt to him for every single bit of money I ever made in my life. The deal was not balanced. Which is why I claim he and YOU as the Author, are picking sides.
A fair deal, from a NEUTRAL God, would have probably been that he agreed to help her, but only if she binds a contract that neither She, nor her Children, would harm any of the ponies. (Which would be inline with the show. We see the ponies gooped, but not harmed nor hurt. Some were literally cowering when the changlings were banished from the city and then shrugged and went about their day like nothing happened.). And made the PUNISHMENT for that Agreement that the souls of her children would be bound to him. That would put ALL the benifits, OR negative side effects on HER actions, and now his.
And if she did it, and won without hurting the ponies, he could have appealed to Celestia and Luna or the Nobles, to make a deal with him for his help, not revealing he helped her first, and get something out of them for it. Information, Power, Influence. Maybe a City for him to start and spread his religion from.
Just going "Oh you want to take over 1 city, give me the soul of every child you have", which is in the thousands if not millions of souls, was NEVER going to be agreed to. Ever. You know it, he knows it, every single one of us readers know it.
As for saving Rarity, you spelled it out VERY CLEARLY that there was going to be Romance, like in every single other Human in Equestria story, involving Rarity, Pinkie, Fluttershy, and probably more, such as all the main 6 at this point.
You are right, I don't know how the story is going to go. I only know what I see in front of me and read. And it's... It's sad.
Take this latest chapter. He punished the 2 nobles, and just flies off after purposefully leaving a hint to Celestia he did it.
Dude, he is a GOD with an OBJECTIVE to complete. He could have made it look like Suicide, with a note written to be as if from one of the dead ghost foals placed a voodoo cursed on them, from the dead realms, to force them to commit suicide for their crimes against the foals.
Gets the job done, gives him an Alibi by dancing with Rarity in front of everyone, AND spreads both Fear to other nobles about harming Foals that they might ALSO get cursed and killed, and brings to light that Voodoo magic and Curses are real.
The guy just torturing them and leaving them there is just.... Too human, too small, not intelligent. That is the Act of a Human giving out personal justice, and not a Neutral God bring Justice to the souls now in his care.
The first chapter I really loved, with the reveal of the burnt filly ghost seeking his attention for help. But he brought HIS justice against the people, not the FOAL's justice. He Actions would be NO DIFFERENT than if the Ghosts were never in the chapter, and instead he just bumped near them and read their soul to reveal the crime instead.
It's the same with the break down, and ending up in Zecora's arm suddenly without warning. She was literally lead there by a god through 'Feelings of needing to be there'. Except HE is meant to be that god, NOT a mortal human being. It just seems like you forgot that. The first few chapters with him being a mystery to the ponies, using voodoo magical powers, appearing and disappearing mysteriously, using his powers and curses to gain souls for his own afterlife, and letting others using him for their revenge and selfish goals. That was all great.
When it suddenly turned into a human in equestria story, that he is suddenly just a Mary Sue human interacting with the Main 6 mainly each chapter. It just... It just takes the magic out of the story. He's no Voodoo Master God. He's a crying weak man child, with Mary sue powers...
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Jirodyne responded again with another long retorting comment.
And did you see what I said about Celestia and even Luna?
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Well, just like in real life. People in high society hide such things from the ruling government easily. "Accident' like that can be swept under the rug with the right amount of clout and money
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Are they're still going to be negative consequences against the princesses because of this? Like I said.
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Without spoiling anything. Yes
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And what's your response to Jirodyne's heavy criticism to your main character's "direction"?
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I am not worried about their complaints about how i am writing out Kalfu. They are jumping to conclusions when they truly know nothing about his motives.
Great story bro while the romance with rarity is alittle off putting (spesh since i was cheering on zecora) its still fresh enough of a story to be engrossed in. It def seems like he is still following his goal just by being, making a splash so to say, getting plenty of attention and house calls proves its going smoothly. Also no blame for any delays palworld is just so awesome lol
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Dont like it dont read it
Also your writing style is overly aggressive if not a bit mental so go take a chill pill and do some soul searching
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I figured two romances would be fine. Zecora is still very much within romance territory with Kalfu. After all, everyone likes a 'herd'. I just gotta make sure it all stays even. One can't be loved more than the other. Also, don't let them get to you. You can't win with people like that. Either they get upset about the main character showing a bit of weakness in a moment or two. Or they get upset that your main character is a souless overpowered machine that has no personality or weakness to speak of. There is no pleasing them.
This was a nice story to stumble upon, I do hope to see more soon cause I’m invested heavily in this amazing story so far!
New update around March?
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That's the plan
I think music from Voltaire would work for this fic as well if you’re looking for more music.
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True enough, I could have made him more foul-mouthed.
How's it going?
It's almost the end of march, along with Easter and April Fool's coming up soon.
Edit: Well, well, well.
It has now suddenly came up after I posted this.