8 - Playoffs
Raven Inkwell - 3rd of Thanksgiving, 4 EoH
Palace of the Sun - Canterlot
Raven stood up from her desk and twisted her back to stretch away the aches of her working day. Most of the highest tier fallout from Tirek’s rampage was finally and officially dealt with. At least, in terms of her personally needing to do anything in her official capacity as Solar Regent.
Raven let out a short breath and smiled. Her first day getting to leave work nearly on time since the incident. It was time to go home, hug her husband half to death, then go to a nice restaurant and—
Raven’s terminal chirped three times in rapid succession as an amber light winked on. Raven’s face scrunched as she did her best to push past her irritation and answer the priority email as quickly as possible, then get the buck out of the office.
She turned the screen on with a flick of her telekinesis and hit the dedicated email button on her keyboard. The crystal screen flickered and jittered as it came back to life, displaying a series of simple amber lines and letters representing an abstract sort of mailbox.
Raven’s eyes fell on the most recent message. Evergreen Falls - Containment Breach Report.
Raven closed her eyes tightly. “That better not have been Silk…”
The vampire’s blood would arrive tomorrow morning, according to the shipping tracker. If they missed saving somepony by a mere 14 hours…
Raven opened the message and began to read.
Administrator 02,
While not ordered nor expressly authorized to contact you directly, I am compelled to report a pair of related containment breaches due to being expressly told not to do so by Doctor Grape Vine. He believes these incidents are beneath your notice and a matter for the Site Director, Mayor, and senior staff. I would ordinarily agree, however the days’ events are part of an ongoing pattern I believe threatens the stability of this site.
Despite the ongoing maintenance staff crisis many research groups assigned to non-priority projects have forged ahead with their work. This includes those studying the ‘Lubecano’ as Object 38 is now being called due to the discovery that it can discharge tens of tons of its contents in a volcanic-like eruption. This discovery occurred last night, and required several janitors as well as our sole remaining Maintenance Pony, Samhain, to work through the night to remove the mess before its mass collapsed the building and the research staff drowned in molybdenum disulphide.
This led directly to the day’s second and ongoing breach. New hire Junebug Sky requested the use of Object 932 as a stopgap for cooling her residence. This request was granted, however Sam was tasked with retrieving the Windigo Statue as she was nearby and heading home. As near as can be told, due to the quartermaster of Warehouse 4 lacking a printer, or even a pen (Yes, it is that bad…), the transport instructions were written in pencil and too smudged for the exhausted mare to correctly interpret.
As a direct consequence an out of season hailstorm has formed over Evergreen Falls. The town is in no danger, as O-932 is safe to handle (Hence being available for use by Personnel.). However, it may be prudent to move maintenance staff from other sites due to Apple Brandy’s frankly illegal abuse of Sam as a worker.
Emergency or not, it is a commonly believed fact that Sam averages 4 hours of sleep a day. This is, as it turns out, uncomfortably close to the medically necessary minimum level to survive. To compensate for this she has taken to using Pep Pills, a semi-legal wakefulness aid which, if I understand correctly, is in the process of being regulated into a prescription medication, at the insistence of Special Forces, no less.
Raven sighed and rested her forhooves on her temples.
“Son of Discord…” She grumbled into the screen, unaware of a massive figure materializing within the shadows on the wall.
The bundle of shadows behind her stretched outwards, taking the form of a winged unicorn before resolving into Princess Luna.
“Regent,” Luna said, her voice carrying the iron of an outraged monarch.
Raven jumped, falling out of her seat with a loud yelp. She spun on her plot, catching a glimpse of Luna’s flowing starscape mane and relaxing just enough to be able to speak.
“P— Princess Luna! I— I didn’t feel you teleporting in. My apologies, I was focused on a critical message—”
Luna held up a hoof for Raven to stop, and she did. “There is no blame on your shoulders, Regent, as t’was none to be felt. I learned the art of shadow stepping after my teleport’s flash dazed a few of my thestral guards. I had believed the Crown staff had all been informed… I shall have to look into this communications error later. For now, I have come to you with two critical matters which simply cannot wait.”
Raven’s ears drooped back. “I see… I mean no disrespect, but will they take long to resolve? Today was to be the first time since Tirek’s attack that I would have time to take my husband to dinner.”
Luna let some of her anger slip aside so she could offer Raven an understanding smile and nod.
“I too was to take my consort for a night of carousing,” she said, placing a hoof on Raven’s shoulder for a moment before returning to her more serious expression. “We were discussing venues for said putting when I detected a pony in such dire need of restful sleep that I was compelled, on the very cosmic level to which only an Alicorn is attuned, to grant her wish.”
Raven raised an eyebrow and looked over her shoulder at her terminal. “Uh… Let me guess, middle aged orange and red thestral mare?”
“Indeed! How do you know?” Luna asked, arching an eyebrow.
“Incident report caused by extreme exhaustion,” Raven said, pointing to her terminal. “How bad was she?”
Luna shook her head back and forth. “It took effort for me to clear her mind and put her in order for true rest. When I searched her heart for her truest desire to concoct for her a pleasant dream, the only wish she had left was to simply sleep. This poor mare is effectively sleeping twice as we speak, and dreaming in her dream about being allowed to nap. My consort described it as ‘Multi-nap Snoozing’ then insisted I watch a Neighponese cartoon later so I understand the joke.”
Luna’s wings twitched irritably. “Naturally, I put my evening on hold to determine how and why anypony could be nearly dead from exhaustion. I discovered much of this mare’s memories are arcanely sealed such that not even I can see them! I took this problem first to my sister, however… She was too busy with some archaic land dispute over one of those idiotic magical documents of hers to answer me. Given her rash race for retirement, I concluded you would likely have a better grasp of why I, Equestria’s other Diarch, am locked out of classified information.”
Raven’s eyes widened. “I— I’m terribly sorry, Princess! Samhain works for an institution called CARE. It safehouses and studies relatively safe anomalous individuals and objects so we can keep them, and the general public, safer through their work. It’s also one of our best sources of arcane research and development, hence, most of it is top… Level… Classified. Oh.”
Raven stood up and cleared her throat. “You are certainly entitled to access anything with Top Level clearance! I am personally outraged to hear you hadn’t even been informed of…” Raven shook her head and lit her horn, casting a spell which would briefly grant Luna the security credentials to see through CARE’s memory encryption. “That will allow you to view CARE employee memories. And I have to fill out five forms and see a committee for using it. This spell only allows access to memories protected only by the lowest circles of secret-wards. Please see me first thing tomorrow and we can get you all necessary clearances… I would do so now, but, well, the ponies who operate the system have gone home.”
Luna hummed, ears perking, then nodded sharply, flicking her starlit tail. “This will do for now. Though I am still most insulted by having been left out of this matter. Arcane research and development has military applications in addition to their civilian uses. Am I not entitled to know as the Commander in Chief of our armed forces?”
“You very obviously are!” Ravent agreed, herself angry. “Somepony has made a critical mistake. I’d assumed you’d opted out of directly interacting with CARE entirely. I will ensure you are invited to all Administration meetings from now on.”
Luna’s face softened. “I appreciate your attitude, Regent. Now, tell me. What caused this mare’s dire woes? You stated you’d been informed earlier… Is it the message on your…” Luna trailed off and glanced at Raven’s terminal before sheepishly pointing to it with a wing and asking, “Therm—Terminal?”
Raven nodded. “Yes, that’s what they are called. Are you able to read modern Equish yet?”
Luna’s ears flicked back. “Not… Fluently. Why, exactly, did we adopt so many Prench and Germane words?”
Raven shrugged her shoulders and turned back to her screen. “Well, in that case… She’s the only maintenance pony at Evergreen Falls—”
Luna sputtered, her wings snapping open. “My sister turned our home into a laboratory, and has then understaffed it!? HOW?! As its titled ruler, I had it entrusted to Lord Deep Woods, for safekeeping.”
“It’s still a real town,” Raven swiftly corrected. “Some science occurs there, but it is where we house individuals too abnormal to live a normal life in Equestrian communities, or who might be persecuted or exploited for their abilities or properties.”
Luna pulled her wings back to her sides. “Then the town is as it has always been… Pardon me, did you really not just say there is but a single maintenance pony?”
Raven nodded. “Yes, ma’am. We’re already taking action to punish the administrator responsible for the situation. We’ve also appointed one of the town’s citizens as a temporary worker to handle maintenance emergencies, but Samhein has been handling any and all repairs for at least eight months, possibly ten. We have a gap in records keeping due to a minor fire.”
Luna arched her eyebrow once again. “A fire which was no accident, correct?”
Raven sighed. “Probably not… We’re investigating. Before we drop the hammer, the case has to be airtight.”
Luna nodded, satisfied by Raven’s declaration. She glanced at the screen, squinting as she tried to process the strange new letters and odd borrowed words into something her mind understood. “Does this part here,” Luna tapped Raven’s terminal screen with a hooftip. “Does this say Sam was too exhausted to correctly read instructions which the quartermaster had written in pencil due to lacking a printer?”
Raven nodded again. “Yes.”
“A printer is one of those little mechanical scribes which puts that which is on your screen onto paper?”
Raven nodded once more.
Luna blinked twice. “They… They cost less than a manecut. I got my gaming group one of those for printing stat blocks and battle reports out of my personal entertainment stipend. How does a Crown Company quartermaster not have one? It would seem necessary for his duties, given we have moved away from quill and ink. And, one had thought, pencil!”
Raven drew in a long hissing breath. “Well… To make a long story short, Lord Deep Woods died before passing ownership of the town to the Crown. We made use of the land anyways as we have the de facto statement of intent on record. However without proper ownership, we’ve had to fund the town in… Shall we say, in unusual and inefficient ways. It gets the funding it needs, but on a delay.”
Luna’s mouth twisted. “A delay?”
“Yes. It varies depending on the item in question,” Raven continued. “For a printer, assuming he had one before and it broke beyond repair… He could have been lacking one for…”
Raven frowned, held up a hoof for Luna to wait, and punched a series of commands into her terminal to bring up the requisition data for Evergreen Falls.
“For up to three years… What?! Who decided—”
Luna’s left eye twitched as she grit her teeth. “Un… Bucking…” Her eyes warped, shifting to slit pupils as her rage brought the fragments of Nightmare Moon to the surface. “Unacceptable!”
Raven’s pupils shrank to pinpricks. “Ma’am, your eyes—”
Luna glared at Raven for what felt like an eternity, before letting out a long breath and claiming down, though the Nightmare's eyes remained and the inky darkness of her mane seethed behind her.
“I remain in command of my faculties, Regent. I am merely, as the foals say, absolutely bucking livid. How can such a travesty of bureaucratic nonsense come to pass?”
Raven cleared her throat, ears folded. “I don’t have the remaining lifespan to explain the last thousand years of property law changes and noble title alterations. Suffice to say, it’s a bureaucratic mess. One your sister is currently working on.”
Luna nodded once, closed her eyes tightly, and opened them to reveal her own eyes had returned. “Then there is but one thing for me to do.”
Raven frowned. “What is that, Princess?”
“I am going to get that stallion a gods damned printer, I am going to start throwing money and authority at fixing things, and I am going to destroy whoever is fool enough to try to STOP ME!” She said, stepping into the shadow of Raven’s filing cabinet and vanishing into the darkness. “And they BETTER NOT have redecorated MY room!”
Raven closed her eyes tightly, slumped into her chair, then picked up her office phone, swiftly dialing her husband.
“Hello?”
“Dear… Cancel any reservations. Princess Luna is on the warpath. I need to stay here to answer the inevitable barrage of—” Raven stopped mid sentence, her eyes shrinking with horror. “STARS ABOVE, CELESTIA NEVER OWNED THE LAND!”
Raven hung up the phone and began frantically dialing the Crown Lawyer.
⁜ ⁜ ⁜
Junebug - 3rd of Thanksgiving, 4 EoH
Hackamore Valley Observatory - Evergreen Falls
June stood in the doorway, looking through the glass doors at the pounding hail outside. She could see the edge of the fading magical storm in the distance, just short of where her family’s camp was.
The magical storm wasn’t all that bad. Cadites fought in worse, She mused, thinking back on several of her favorite novels. Heck, I’ll bet one of the First Kingdom’s Sages could have cleared this up on their own.
Indeed, the storm was a mild one. It wasn’t quite the right time of year for hail, but the stones were no bigger than peas and the sudden cloud cover was providing some much needed shade.
It was hot even away from the observatory… I’ll bet the townsponies are loving this. June thought as she looked upwards in search of both her father and any sign of the weather ponies who would be cleaning up Sam’s mess.
She spotted the weather team first. They were working the edge of the storm, moving it away from where Dew had mentioned the town’s farms were located. Yeah they’ll protect the crops and the rest of us can just deal with a nice afternoon hail. All in all, not that bad. Not like they’d let you check this statue out if it could end the world. And I re-contained it easily enough.
A repetition of the nonsense line, holding it up for the right length, and putting it down again had been sufficient.
June turned her head to look down the short hall from the entrance to the common room. The Windigo Statue sat on the coffee table, and had almost instantly cooled the room down to a manageable temperature. Enough so that once Sam had been put to bed, June had slipped into her usual outfit.
A dark denim jacket with almost too much wear and tear to be worth keeping, and her slightly longer than normal black skater skirt. Not that she’d ever skated, she just thought it looked cute, even with her CARE issued radio clipped to her barrel.
Too bad it’s stormy. I’ll be here for a few years at minimum. It would be nice to cruise the… June frowned as she realized she had no idea where to go in Evergreen Falls to find single ponies. Okay, that’s something to ask Trixie later.
June’s radio crackled as an unfamiliar stallion’s voice came over the airwaves. “Doctor Junebug, come in, over.”
June fidgeted with the radio, wishing she’d remembered it was of gryphon design and she’d thought to put on her manipulators to use it. After a moment’s struggle, she managed to press the button down with the side of her hoof by pinning the radio in place with her shoulder and chin.
“June here, and just FYI I am not a doctor yet, over.”
“Your work title is doctor, ma’am,” the stallion corrected. “This is Winter Wing, I’m with personnel. I’m calling with a request for information, and to let you know your HVAC request has been approved and a technician is on the way to perform the install. Is now a good time? Over.”
June paused for a moment. It’s just a tech dropping by. Dad and I can still watch the game.. She pressed the button down again. “Copy that, I’ll keep a look out. Thanks for getting anypony other than Sam to do the work, she’s… Dead on her hooves. Over.”
“Ten-four. Don’t worry, we’ve got a temp tech hired to cover emergencies for the time being now. Moving on to the information request: Your employee file is incomplete. Specifically in regards to medical records, you don’t have epilepsy, do you? Specifically photosensitive, over.” Winter asked.
June arched an eyebrow. “No? My mother did though. I’ve been tested and I’m fine. Why do you ask, over.”
“There was some confusion relating to your medical records is all. Says here you were tested, but it doesn't tell us the results. Guessing we got an incomplete fax. Good luck dealing with Enox when they get there. Oh, and Doctor Apple is pissed you’re taking his project and is raising a stink so… Just assume you’ll get to start working for real next week and enjoy the paid vacation. I wish I could, but I have to hear the shouting over here… Over and out.”
June let go of her radio and straightened her jacket, frowning slightly. Enox… Have I heard that name before? I guess they finally hired a new guy. I hope they did.
June turned her attention back to Dew, now keeping an eye out for this mystery mechanic as well as her father.
“What kind of name is Enox anyways?” June asked aloud to no pony in particular.
“It’s Tau Cetian,” Dew called from the living room where she was still playing with her legos.
June tilted her head. “What?”
“It’s a Tau Cetian name,” Dew repeated. “You know, from Tau Ceti b. A planet like, three stars down.”
June frowned slightly, confused for a moment until remembering the mayor mentioning the town was home to an alien. “Oh. Right…” June put a hoof to her chin. “Are we like, you know, secretly in contact with her people’s government or anything?”
Dew shook her head. “Nah. Apparently she went home once but her civilization’s gone. Some time travel junk or something,” the eternal filly said with a wing shrug. “So she chills here since we kinda look a bit like her.”
“Wait, really?” June asked, ears perking with excitement. “So like, she looks like an old b-movie alien?”
“No, old b-movie aliens look like her,” Dew corrected. “CARE did production work for most of those movies just in case her species showed up one day. This was before Enox decided to visit home.”
“Oh,” June commented, ears drooping. “That has to suck.”
“Meh, she seemed happy when she found out,” Dew said before trotting off towards the kitchen. “Wanna sammich?”
“No thanks.”
“Okay. Good luck with your dad.”
June turned back to face the doors just in time to see a set of two white lights, and a scanning red bar light between them racing down the road. As a city pony, June hadn’t ever seen a car in person. Equestrian cities streets were simply not wide enough on average to accommodate vehicle traffic and few ponies ever needed a personal vehicle. But she was familiar with them, and their complace use in rural Equestrian communities.
That’s called a truck, right? June mused to herself. I don’t want to seem stupid by getting that wrong… Long, square, has a built-in trailer kinda like a wagon with an engine on it… Pretty sure you call those trucks.
June’s confused squint slowly morphed into a frown as the vehicle’s lack of engine noise other than the faint whine of a turbine became apparent. Hold on, aren’t these supposed to be kinda loud? I can hear the radio playing in that thing, shouldn’t I be hearing its engine?
The radio played a dull thumping intermixed with the warbling electronic wails of a sequencer woven together with a male voice singing their heart out in a foreign tongue. It all came together into something close to Electronica, but had its own feel and sound so distinct that June knew this had to be its own genre.
The music blasting truck flew through the observatory’s gate, shot across the parking lot, locked its wheels all the way right, and drifted to a perfect stop in front of the observatory’s doors.
June found herself grinning. Cool! I didn’t know ground vehicles could do tricks. I thought that was an air exclusive.
Her grin faded slightly as the truck’s body caught her attention. It was in fact made from junk carefully hammered into shape, welded up, and haphazardly painted white with a standard house paint. The truck shell was sitting on top of another vehicle, sort of like a costume, albeit one which added a flatbed to whatever lay beneath.
The parked truck hissed as its hydraulic suspension lowered it to the ground. A small compartment below the driver door opened, releasing a thick white mist that pooled on the gravel. As soon as the fog blanket covered the general vicinity, the radio crackled, switching from Electronica to classic techno DJ Pony would have put on for a slow dance.
The vehicle's mated outer and inner doors swung upwards with a pneumatic hiss, revealing a smaller silver vehicle hidden beneath the truck shell for just an instant before a strobe light and series of pulsing lasers blazed to life.
A short ramp then extended from the driver floorboard to the ground with a long whirring hum. The lasers swept across the ground, creating a purple grid on the ground and ramp, and also highlight the doorway and ramp’s edges.
June’s grin came back. It’s like this Enox heard what we think aliens do and just checked off every bo— Her cheeks flushed pink as she realized, actually, it was the other way around.
A very short pony-shaped individual descended the ramp, their full shape obscured by a red silhouette accent light from within the car, the slow mo effect the strobe light created, and the bulky chrome space suit complete with fishbowl helmet they wore.
The figure picked a boom box up from the passenger seat, descended the ramp with it on their shoulder, then looked up to June from just a bit over Dew’s height. The alien (for they could be nothing else) was mostly pony shaped, albeit furless with mint-green skin, long pointed ears which would have swept back more than they stuck up if not for the confines of their amber-colored-fluid filled helmet.
Their suit was made from a strange silvery material which shimmered in the light. A last-gen luggable Griffonese computer was strapped to the alien’s barrel via a black harness. The computer’s screen had been flipped backwards so it could be seen if needed, and currently displayed a simple green vector line across its face.
The alien looked up at June through a pair of mono-lense sunglasses they wore over their featureless almond shaped rose quartz eyes, (yes, even though they also wore a helmet) and spoke. Their natural voice was lost to the fluid in their helmet, but a digitized mostly sexless male-leaning voice emitted from the computer strapped to their chest.
A voice best described as a MOS 6510 processor using its whole 0.985 MHz and all of its 8-bits to emulate a pony’s voice as best their backwater world’s technology could.
“I have come here to eat lunch, and install an HVAC,” they announced boldly before their ears drooped sheepishly. “... and I forgot my lunch.”
June’s jaw dropped. What the buck? I feel like somepony should have warned me that Enox is cool, tiny, and adorable! Brain, why do you think she’s cute? She’s an actual alien— Wait, is she a she? How can I know? Again, alien! Curvy could mean male on her planet. Also she’s clearly aquatic so… Wouldn’t she reproduce via spawning?
June closed her eyes for a moment to refocus. I can work out why I find her cute later. Probably some psychological thing for big eyes and small body. Wait! It’s because she kinda looks like a frog. Derp!
June nodded to herself, confident she’d worked it out and not entirely willing to think about why she had that association for frogs right now.
Enox, on the other hoof, stared up at June in a half panic. Nopony had warned her the new researcher was over a meter tall! Enox had specifically asked to be warned about that kind of thing. It was on her file! You had to warn a rana when they’d deal with someone absurdly hot, that way they didn’t wind up saying stupid shit.
Enox had just pulled up to her place up all normal like, betrayed their actual taste in music, then got so flabbergasted they’d said something stupid trying to act cool.
“Uh…” Enox said, their vox copying the pitch and intonation of their distress perfectly. “Would you have preferred: Take me to your boiler?”
June’s stunned face cracked as she began to laugh. Her shoulders shook for a few moments before she grinned down at the smaller mare and asked the stupid question, “Is that suit full of beer?”
“Yes, don’t be a narc,” Enox reapplied, grinning nearly ear to ear. Almost literally, given just how wide their deceptively small mouth could stretch.
“And… is that asbestos lined?” June asked with a worried wince.
“Uh, no?” Enox said, raising an eyebrow she didn’t have. “Okay, it used to be. Switched to a fireproof nano-polymer cuz I like to NOT give you weak-lunged aliens cancer.”
June blinked and tilted her head. Woah! That’s freaky… And cool! Did she have two tongues or is that a split tongue? I wonder if she’d let me take a look in— No. Bad June. Somepony’s already scienced the shit out of her. Just get the file later… Wait, she said yes to that being beer!
“... S— So, the beer… You showed up to work drunk?”
Enox shook their head once, once again irritated that ponies were 250 million years too late to have seen Futurama, and thus, understand an easy explanation via reference.
“No. Cuz I’m not breathing in oxygen. Which would make me drunk… Okay, well, not much oxygen. Suit has a few tiny leaks. Working on that.”
June’s heat tilt inclined further. “Wait… So—”
“I am amphibious and my homeworld’s seas are rich in ethanol,” Enox explained as they extended a forehoof for June to shake since that’s what ponies did instead of a hoof bump. “Hello, I’m an actual alien. You can call me Enox.”
June, being a younger pony of a new generation, gave Enox a hoof bump. Enox smiled again.
“June.” She replied. “Then why the heck did you make that narc comment?”
“Well, CARE demands I use pure ethyl alcohol, but I like flavor. That and pranking losers are why I stuck around.” The alien pony explained before nodding to their totally-not-a-starship shittily disguised as a truck. “We can chat after I do the job. I’m going to start working. Since you’re surprised by me, you can’t have read my file. Right?”
June nodded once, but didn’t manage to get a word in edgewise before Enox continued. “Okay, then you should know my species' thaumic polarity is the opposite of yours. Which means you will see me using what you call dark magic. Do not worry. It’s safe when I do it. If I tried to use what you call light magic, the same type of corruption would occur as if you used dark magic. Get it?”
June paused, thought for a moment about what little she knew about spellcraft, then nodded. “Got it.”
“Good,” Enox said cheerfully before activating their magic.
Their eyes lit up a bright emerald green, emitting a faint wispy smoking aura characteristic of dark magic as they levitated a tool belt from their vehicle’s back seat and buckled it on.
“I have a billion questions,” June admitted.
“Just one billion?” Enox asked. “That’s less than most ponies. I don’t mind chatting while I work, but that will make it take longer.”
June’s blush returned as she scratched the back of her head with a hoof. “Uh, well… I’m waiting for my dad to show up to watch the playoffs. So I can’t… But can I ask a few things? Just so I’m not a dick to you?”
Enox smirked. “My people showed each other affection by being massive dicks, just FYI.”
June raised an eyebrow.
Enox nodded sheepishly. “That’s… Part of why I’m okay living here. I thought it was stupid. We did a lot of stupid.”
June nodded, partially understanding. “Okay,” she began. “Uh, what’s your gender?”
Enox rolled her eyes, revealing to June they had pupils but they were nearly indistinguishable from the rest of their eyes.
“We don’t have your Equine genders. We only come in dude and diet-dude.” Enox commented.
“Uh… So… How is that different?” June asked, taking a half step back to try and remove herself from the awkward question she’d just posed.
“We spawn via techbased reproduction…” Enox trailed off, shook her head then pointed to June. “Reproduction methods, ket. You have two sexes, sometimes three when you miscompile a baby, and consequently, your civilizations developed ways for individuals to express their identity gained from their sex in different social contexts. My people have the one sex so our genders are our two predominant behavior modes. Get it?”
“Oh! Okay… So, what do I call you then? Like, pronouns. Is there any way you like to be treated in context of Equestrian—”
Enox smiled. “I like they, but she’s okay too. Anatomically, I’m closest to a female pony. You can call me whatever. It won’t bother me. I do plenty of dude stuff and chick stuff!”
“Great!” June smiled, happy to have her answer.
Enox looked over June for a moment, running a full bioscan as you do and arching an eyebrow at one particular result. “As for you… She, correct? Despite being biologically male?”
June bit her lip and nodded. “Yes. Have you dealt with transponies before? Because that’s a very rude way to put it.”
“Honestly, I have not,” Enox admitted. “Apologies. I intended no offense. Besides, your configuration is more aesthetically pleasing than your species’ defaults. Why don’t more of you do mods?”
“Mods?” June asked with a frown.
“Yeah! Your brain didn’t match your meatsuit, so you got it modded to be what you wanted,” Enox elaborated. “Mine was all gross and orange so I got it reskinned in green, and… Well some other things I found cool or handy. But most ponies are rocking a stock chassis when, well, look at you! You clearly have the capability to customize the rig.”
June’s irritation vanished in an instant as she realized Enox’s species clearly saw people as their minds, not their bodies. Huh… They really didn’t mean anything by that comment then. That’s an interesting outlook.
“Most of us feel comfortable staying as they started,” June explained.
Enox’s face scrunched, clearly confused until they facehooved, their dainty hoof tinking of their helmet.
“Riiight! You guys are all on your birth-bodies ‘cuz you haven’t developed trænsˈfɜːrᵊns…” They shook their head.
“Birth body?” June asked, tilting her head.
“Look, eventually, you’ll work out how to change those things out with legally distinct kuva-equivalent when they start to expire. Once you rediscover that again, or steal some of my supply, you’ll get bored of the stock model and things should get more cool around here.” Enox commented before nodding towards the observatory. “Can I take a look at your stuff now? MY suits reporting an alarming heat build up… Probably shouldn’t be out here for long.”
June nodded twice. “Sure thing, Enox. Just um, maybe move your truck so my dad can—”
Enox turned over her shoulder and shouted into their vehicle’s interior. “KAT, park somewhere convenient.”
The door sealed and the vehicle moved into a nearby parking space, seemingly of its own accord. Enox nodded in satisfaction, used her magic to hike up her tool belt and proclaimed. “Right, let’s build this reactor!”
“You mean install an air conditioner…” June trailed off, her eyes narrowing. “Which, you don’t have…”
“This is the visit to see what I have to do to get one installed,” Enox reported. “If there’s no problems like, say, needing to run vent lines or adjusting the ducting, then I’ll pop down to the hardware store and drop in what you need. You do know this could be a huge job, right? Like, I might have to rip down some walls to run ducting suited for cooling and heating.”
June’s ears and heart fell as one.
Enox frowned and reared up to pat her shoulder. “Hey, it will get done. Might just take a while. I’ll go check things out and let you know what the damage is ASAP.”
June nodded. “Thanks, I appreciate it… Do be quiet if you're in the basement though. Sam’s sleeping and—”
Enox’s ears stood up in alarm. “She’s sleeping?! Praise the sun! Yeah, I’m not bucking that up for her. I’ll go get a silence sphere out of my car.”
The alien turned and walked to her car, intent on collecting some not exactly terrestrial equipment.
“June!”
June looked up to see her father circling downwards through the hailstorm. He winced every so often as a hailstone struck his wing membranes.
Celestia’s mane, that had to be a pain in the plot to fly over here… June thought, cringing at the imagined sensation. She waved up and called back. “Hey, dad!”
Night quickly landed on the gravel in front of June then ducked under the entryway’s roof to get out of the hail. “Crazy storm for this time of year,” he commented.
“Yep,” June agreed, buttoning her lip to avoid mentioning this was kinda her fault but not really.
June’s awkward silence didn’t last very long. She could see her stepfather was obviously not doing well. He had a small cut on his jawline which absolutely had come from trying to trim his fur with a knife, and his face looked tighter than it should be, a clear sign of dehydration.
June frowned and gestured to Night’s cut. “You okay?”
“Ah…” He shrugged his wings. “Just… Getting used to doing my own barbering.”
“Mom didn’t want to help?” June asked, raising an eyebrow.
Night frowned. “She… Didn’t tell you? I… Put her and Lime up in a hotel in town. It’s… Rougher than I thought, but your changeling friend’s friends are helping me make progress. Should be good living out there by… Well, before winter. I think.”
June nodded, not wanting to push the clearly distressed stallion any further on a subject he was clearly way over his head in. Fortunately for her, Night provided his own out for the subject by dipping his head towards Enox.
“Whose foal is that?”
“Oh! That’s Enox. They’re just short as heck. Kinda cute, really,” June commented idly, wondering what her father saw Enox as given the town’s privacy illusions.
Night squinted at Enox for a moment then snorted in surprise. “Oh! Yeah. No filly’s got flanks like that. Wow, poor things parents must have been real poor. No way anyone’s that short without having been malnourished. She live here?”
“Nah, they’re here to install AC,” June commented as she pointed to the doors with a hoof. “Let’s go watch the game, should be on in a few minutes. Oh! Speaking of AC, I borrowed a magical statute to keep things cool till the AC’s in. Don’t touch it, don’t move it, just leave it the heck on the coffee table. I don’t know how much it cost, but I don’t want to pay for it, and I don’t want to have to sleep without cooling again.”
Night nodded twice. “Don’t worry. I won't go near it. I can feel the heat coming off that radio telescope. I don’t envy you having to sleep with that thing on,” he trotted to the door and opened it for June. “You know, you could spend the night at home if you’d like. Nice and cool in the tent!”
“Maybe,” June said in that way which everypony knows really means ‘no’.
The two walked into the common room where Dew was back to playing with her legos. She looked up and waved to Night. “Hi!”
“Okay, that one is definitely a foal,” Night commented before then looking at Dew and growing. “Uh, sorry. I mean Hi. There’s just a very short mare outside and—”
Night turned to June, having spotted the case of beer June had left out for the game. “Did you leave a kid unattended around alcohol?”
June rolled her eyes. “Her mom’s fine with it, and I don’t think Dew even wants it. Right?”
Dew shook her head. “Nope! You can keep all of your spoiled barley water.”
“Ah. Well… I guess that’s fine then,” Night grunted making his way to the couch. “So, these are common apartments?”
“Mhm,” June said as she joined him on the couch. “Right now it’s just me, the maintenance mare Sam and her filly Dew, and my assistant Violet.”
“Can I meet them?”
June shook her head and picked the TV remote off the coffee table. “Sorry. Violet’s recalibrating the telescopes since the storm threw them off, and Sam’s beat from working a triple. She’ll be fine, she sleeps in the basement. It’s cooler and quieter. We can make all the noise we want.”
Night nodded idly, then seemed to perk up for a moment. “Oh! Uh, I got you something.”
“What?”
Night dug into his saddlebag and took out a folded piece of poster paper. “Stopped at the store. Couldn’t find those snack bars you like—”
“Oh, those will only show up at a store that does Neighpone imports,” June interrupted helpfully.
“Mmm… Uh, anyways, I got you the poster for the latest Boiler Knight’s movie.” Night said, handing over the folded poster.
June took it and nodded as gratefully as she could. Great… Cool… I won't mention that folding it was stupid. He’s having a hard enough time.
“Thanks. I’ll put it up later,” she said, setting the poster down on the end table next to the couch. “Game should be on.”
June flicked the TV on. Its massive 48 inch tube crackled and hummed to life, forming a grainy but passable color image of a stadium in Fillydelphia where an announcer was in the middle of opening remarks.
“— 88th National Hoofball League playoffs! Tonight, we have a titanic clash between the Manehatten Metros and the Detrot Cabbies. The Metros have been struggling to retain their lead from last season, and they are led by their new star quarterback—”
“Oh good! We haven’t missed anything,” Night said smiling though still very obviously tense.
He’s sitting like he expects a timberwolf to pounce. I… I think I won't comment on that. He could probably use a relaxing afternoon without being reminded of his stupid ass decision.
“Should be a good game… I’ll put having to get up to get the snacks all game down on the Metros scoring the first point,” June said with a playful swish of her tail.
“With this year’s lineup?” Night laughed. “I’ll take that bet.”
⁜ ⁜ ⁜
The opening game of the 88th NHL playoffs was truly a game to remember. A full hour of overtime with both teams tied at six, coming down to a series of 13 plays to finish an 80-meter drive ending in a single point being scored by the skin of the Cabbies teeth. It would go down in history as the closest game ever played.
June had been on the edge of her seat for most of the game. Night had gotten into it as well, though seemed to be more into the snacks and drinks than the game itself. June couldn’t help but notice that, though she was glad he cheered as much as she did when either team had scored or pulled off an unbelievable play.
Both of them spent a good hour talking about the game after it had finished.
“It’s a shame that wasn’t the championship round,” Night said, shaking his head as he stood up from the couch. “It will be hard to get invested in the rest of the playoffs after that opening.”
“Right?” June asked with a goofy grin. “Next game’s tomorrow. Want to drop by? If not I’ll tape it and we can watch when you’ve got time.”
Night paused, biting his lip for a moment, then sighed. “I— I don’t.” he admitted slowly. “There’s a lot of work to do, and it needs to get done fast. I— I might hire some people to help. I want your mom to want to move back in.”
June’s enthusiasm dropped a few notches. “You mentioned she’s in a hotel? Which one? I can drop by, say hello.”
Night sighed and shrugged his wings. “I— I can’t remember the name. It’s the one on Mane Street.”
June nodded understandingly and smiled.
Both hotels are next to each other on Mane Street. If he doesn't know that… Yeah, mom took Lime and left.
“Well, you have to admit, none of us were exactly outdoorsy. It’s probably for the best she can stay somewhere with a toilet till you have one out there,” June commented.
“Yeah…” Night said, his shoulders and ears slumping. “I put up an outhouse, but that wasn’t good enough. The part I hate is I can't totally blame her for it. But…”
Night trailed off and shook his head. “Eh, it doesn't matter. It’s just a transition. Tape the game for me, please. I’ll make time as soon as I can.”
June stepped over and gave him a tight hug. “I’ll tape the whole series and we’ll watch it together. I’ll try not to read the scores, okay?”
Night smiled for a moment. A genuine, touched, heartfelt smile. “Thanks, Junebug. I have to get going. It’s late and I need to wake up early to meet the septic tank guy.”
June giggled. “I was right about you not wanting to dig that, huh?”
Night snorted. “Nope! I want to after seeing how much it costs to have somepony do it for you. Thing is, those are more complicated than Princess Cadence’s porn stash.”
June tilted her head back and laughed. Night joined her, glad his joke had an impact.
“Not that complicated. Its index is only four primary layers deep, it even fits on a single HD-DVD. The index, I mean.” Enox commented from the basement stairs as she came up.
Night stopped laughing, blinked, then gestured to Enox. “I rest my case.”
June smiled and shook her head. “Well, I should probably see what the damage is. Have a good night dad, and uh… If you want, you can take the leftovers.”
Night’s ears perked. “I would like that very much!” He said, moving to the coffee table and quickly taking the last three beers and plate of sandwiches, placing them carefully into his saddlebags.
Enox stood waiting at the top of the stairs until Night finished packing up, gave June one last hug, then walked out of the Observatory, closing the door and visibly taking off.
June cleared her throat, turned to the alien and asked the question which had been bothering her all night. “So… He’s not white listed. What does he see you as?”
“A tiny green mare with a black mane,” Enox reported, snickering as if that was some kind of in joke.
June blinked, just now noticing Enox’s lack of a mane. “Is… Is it funny because your species is bald?”
“No… You wouldn’t get it. It’s an old network thing,” Enox said, then sighed. Their vox didn’t translate the sigh, but the air bubbles coming from their mouth and nose and her forlorn expression made it abundantly clear what Enox was doing.
June flinched. “Oh… Were you one of the Old Web ponies? I’m sorry that mass adoption and social networks screwed everything up… Honestly the old web sounds like a place I would have loved. I’ve grown outwards a bit, but I used to be the shy nerdy geek who just painted inordinately expensive plastic miniatures and read fanfiction.”
Enox’s ears perked. “Battlemace?”
June’s tail lifted slightly. “Yes!”
“Got your army still?”
June’s ears and tail fell. “No…”
“Bah!” Enox said, waving a hoof. “Give me a day’s warning and I’ll get a 2,000 point army ready for you. I’ve got Gryphons and Dragons for guests, I run an Iron Line company.”
June snorted, grinned knowingly, and bent down to get on Enox’s level. “Nice try… But I’ll see you in a few paychecks when I can have an army capable of fighting that and becoming something other than paste. I run Cadites.”
Enox bounced from hoof to hoof in a little happy dance for a moment before eeping audibly despite their helmet and blushing awkwardly. “Uh… Anyways, your HVAC system! Found out a few things.”
June flicked her tail, doing her best to hide her amusement and delight at getting a fellow nerd to do a happy dance at the thought of a real challenge in a mutual hobby.
“So!” Enox said, doing their best to look serious. “First off, you have HVAC. Like, already.”
June tilted her head. “You… Installed one? How? Is there another entrance you took the—”
Enox lifted a hoof and shook her head rapidly. “No, there’s one installed. It’s just that somepony took all the thermostats off and replaced them with ones that only control the heat, and powered the AC off.”
“But why?” June asked, her eyes narrowing irritably. “And can we hurt them?”
“There’s a good reason, but it’s also a very bad reason.” Enox promised.
June gestured for Enox to continue. The alien pony cleared her throat and looked June square in the eye. “I shit you not, but… The Aurora Borealis.”
June blinked several times. “T— The northern lights?”
“Yep!” Enox said, nodding as any professional contractor would.
“At this time of year, in this part of the country, localized entirely within our AC unit?” June interrogated.
“Yep!” Enox practically bounced with visible joy.
June paused for a long moment. “Are you pulling my tail?”
“Nope!”
“Can I see it?”
“Yes!” Enox said, thrilled to be able to break the pattern at last, taking June by the hoof and leading her towards the stairs.
Enox led June into the basement, past a slumbering Sam who June noticed had been encased in some kind of pink force field which Enox insisted was a ‘silencer’, and into an open door with a sign making it as the Utility Room. The room was filled with parts of a halfway disassembled industrial heat pump, the type designed to move warm air to a proper heat exchanger and air conditioner.
The pump’s main chamber had been opened, revealing a series of rippling green, lavender, and red ribbons of etheric plasma that flowed in a nonexistent wind, looking for all the world like the northern lights, only tiny and entirely fixed in place within the confines of the heat pump.
“What. The. Buck?” June demanded of reality.
“Yeah, this needs an Object ID for sure,” Enox commented as they stepped over to the ruins of an industrial appliance and pointed into the chamber. “There’s supposed to be a bunch of stuff in here that does the, you know, moving of heat. This bit of the system is what pulls the hot air out of the building and moves it to the roof where the heat gets extracted by your rooftop units. But, it’s gutted. So, you need a new one of these things but first, a field agent has to remove this before I can put in a new one… Then I’ll have to replace all your thermostats.”
June blinked and shook her head to get the confusion out. “But… But why wouldn’t this have been moved or contained, like, when it happened? Clearly somepony knew when it happened!”
Enox nodded and reached into their tool belt to remove an old faded sticky note. “I found this on the pump inside the housing, but it won’t help.”
June took the note with her wingtip and read it out loud.
“I did a thing. Sorry.” June stared at the note silently as the confusion came back in full force.
“Yeah… I’m guessing this was a troll of some kind,” Enox commented with a casual nod. “Anyways, the good news is once CARE gets around to unbucking this mess, I can get this sorted in like, an afternoon.”
“What’s the bad news? Or is it that this mess exists?” June asked as she handed Enox back the note.
“Bad news is my work orders say ‘Be on site every day until the job’s done.’ and I’m taking them completely literally because Apple Brandy deserves a lifetime of malicious compliance. So, you’re stuck with me chilling here, being useless unless there’s an emergency for… I don’t know. Week or so?” Enox shrugged.
June raised an eyebrow. “Why is that a problem? You seem cool!”
Enox’s eyes sparkled. Literally. Tiny points of white light shimmered in them as if somepony ran a flashlight across glitter.
June felt her heart melt. Oh, my, Celestia! Has nopony ever complimented her? Also why don’t ponies do that? That was so cute!
“In that case,” Enox said, starting to grin like an absolute manic gremlin. “Want to go online, find a Galaxy Quest fan board, then I start talking about warp cores using real physics and watch the nerds call me an idiot while all the math geeks and physicists start having a conniption as everything I say checks out?”
June did not have the words to explain just how much she wanted to see some geeks unknowingly argue the workings of a warp core with somepony who had actually used one.
“Yes. Just, all of my yes!”
Quietly, June removed prioritizing looking for singles from her to-do list.
“So hey,” Enox asked, thinking back to the bioscan she’d run. Specifically how June’s vital signs were all present and working, but her cells were not dividing. Bodymods were always a favorite topic of hers to discuss. “How long have you been undead?”
June stopped in her tacks. “I’m sorry what!?”
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What June said...
I know I'm gonna LOVE this tale!
Thanks, Meep!
Shocking reveal!
Dusk forgot to mention a thing, oops!
I finally got time to read this and I'm loving it so much! It's chock-full of officially-licensed Meep-brand humor and seeing just how this particular permutation of Equestria works and what its history is like is fascinating!
I'm also wondering what the hell kind of "thing" could possibly transmute or swap out a refrigeratey bit into/with a self-sustaining micro-scale aurora.
What the hell did I just stumble upon
11755157 Some stuff I wrote for the lolz.
YES! We FINALLY get to see it! Hooray!!!
Nope, it was Luna
I ship it
Hah, even aliens watch our nonsense
Is that a Warframe reference, or is it referring to something else?
I think I understood that reference
Hah
For like, what?, a few days?, a week maybe?