Episode 2
Tosh’s choice of videos must have followed some sort of paradigm. Every end video had the most laughs, and every beginning video was always recorded by some pony who was practically incapable of holding the device straight. The picture shook for a few moments as the viewer was able to see the environment. Those who paused the show were capable of seeing the many ponies, who were all mingling and dancing to the music outside. The party seemed to hold around twelve ponies, but the viewer wouldn't care about such a trivial fact. What drew their interest was the purple mare nearby the punch bowl. Berry Punch gained weight since the last video she was shown in.
The mare gulped down another cup of punch, and her face turned even more red as she placed the cup down on the table. Apparently someone was speaking to her before she decided to let her drunk thoughts take hold. “Ah you don’t know sh(beep)! Shut up, shut up, shut up.” Berry Punch said, and she held a hoof up. She kept her gaze on the now silenced mare beside her, before she provided her rejoinder. “I've been watching the news lately. Okay? It’s obvious that Photo Finish is wearing a wig, that dumb bitch. And... and... I’ll tell you another thing.” She said. “That Rainbow Dash is a dyke! F(beep)in rainbow mane and...”
Before Berry Punch could say another word, she fell backwards onto the table that held all of the punch bowls. The bowls flew up into the air before landing on Berry Punch’s head, while the table that she fell on broke in two and flipped onto her knocked out form. The audience began to laugh along with the video provider, as the entrance theme and cinematic for Tosh’s show was given.
Tosh smiled at the audience as they finished their clapping, and he looked down at his attire of a pony band jacket before he stared straight at the camera. “Gotta hate those family reunions.” He said, and the audience laughed. “Welcome to Ponies.0. Today, I am going to see how long I can piss off every living thing, before the Equestrian Communications Commission shuts us down. Go big or go home. Let’s watch Bill O Filly’s rant again.”
The video was shown again. The last ten seconds where Berry Punch fell on the table, snapped it in half, and landed in a pool of punch and splintered wood. Tosh looked at the camera as it was focused back on him. “Someone needs a hug from Daddy. Only he can say that he likes his fat f(beep) daughter.” He stated, the smile remaining on his face. “She’s probably just pissed because no mare can even find her p(beep) underneath all of that fat. It’s like... the Quest of the Sapphire Stone in there.”
The audience laughed as the video on Tosh’s monitor switched. “This next video reminds me why the previous thousand years were the best.”
The video started and the decorations on the nearby buildings informed the viewers that it was currently Nightmare Night. The sky started to light up and crackle with thunder as clouds started to cover the sky. Every pony in the city square started to cower as a carriage covered in darkness rode along the sky and onto the ground. The figure let their hood fall backwards onto their neck, revealing Princess Luna. Every pony in the square was now bowed, their heads down in fear of this blue mare. “Citizens of Ponyville!” She yelled. “We have graced your tiny village with our presence!”
Tosh paused the video, right as the camera holder panned the recording around all of the cowering ponies. “You might want to hide that camera, dark ponies have a sixth sense that tells them where security cameras are.” He said.
The crowd started their groans of disapproval, but Tosh only kept his smile. “Let’s see why Celestia is the best Princess in this week’s breakdown.”
The crowd started their cheering once more as the visual for the Video Breakdown was shown. The video was rewound to the beginning, and the weather changes started to play. He paused it as the carriage came out of the clouds. “Of course the black one would end up ruining the day. You wanna give us some rain along with the overcast clouds bitch?” He asked.
The video began again, as Luna jumped off her carriage. It was paused, right in the frame where Luna and her guards could be seen perfectly. “Good idea that every pony left their wallets at home. With those two guards, Luna would probably have enough stolen money to plate her carriage in gold.”
The crowd seemed to get uneasy, but they still laughed since it was comedy. The video resumed as Luna began to yell at the crowd. Tosh let her line play out before he paused it again. “Let me see your war cry!” He yelled. The crowd laughed at his reference, before he sighed. “That’s the perfect thing to do when you show up, uninvited, to a party. Yell at everyone in it. What are you, drunk?” He asked. The clip of Berry Punch falling over onto the table was shown again, before it switched to a blank screen. “Alright let’s see what’s next.” He said.
The screen started to play another video. It showed Big Macintosh bucking apples, although the owner of the video camera was focusing on one particular part of the stallion. His cutie mark was taking up around 80% of the screen, and the camera owner remained perfectly silent. Around twenty seconds of bucking passed, before the video ended.
The camera switched back to Tosh, who paused due to the simplicity of this video. The audience was laughing hysterically. Throughout the thirty seconds, Tosh had managed to get completely hard, and now the program was blurring out his unclothed lap. “What?” He asked after a few moments of the video remaining still on Big Mac’s flank. He smiled before he looked around the audience. “I thought I already told you guys that my Apple is Granny Smith. I’m writing a new book about it. I call it... Daring Do and the No Denture Adventure.”
There was a significant amount of groans and laughs in the crowd and Tosh smiled before he looked to the camera. “Let’s put twenty seconds on the clock.” He said, and then the jokes began. He started off with a poorly done Western accent. “Ah can f(beep) my brother right? Aint nothing wrong with that?” He switched to his regular accent for the rest of his jokes. “Those apples are juicy... I’m gonna need you for some acting up in Los Pegasus... Oh hey, look at that sun! Listen Big Mac, I’m gonna have to see you in my office... pronto. I haven’t been butt (beep)ed in quite a while.”
The crowd laughed before he finished off with his last joke, “His ass reminds me of band camp. I loved being the Scout Master.”
The crowd groaned and Tosh smirked before he waved at the camera. “Alright, we are going to take a quick commercial break, but we will be right back with ‘Equestria’s Got No Talent.’” He said, and the crowd closed the commercial break with applause.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The crowd began the next part of the show as Tosh smiled at the camera. Usual watchers of his show would notice that he was a little uneasy than usual. “Alright, this next video was randomly picked out by my staff, without my knowledge. I call this segment, ‘What the fuck am I watching, who is going to get fired?’”
An extremely long rectangle was shown, with the aforementioned words on it, as it transitioned back to Tosh. He smiled as the video was shown.
Discord let out a laugh as he pointed at the main six ponies in an empty crater. Tosh’s eyebrow raised while the video continued. Discord explained his plans for ruling Equestria, while the main six looked to be more pale and grayed out than usual. As Discord vanished and the video ended, the audience waited for Tosh to say something.
“What the f(beep)... was that?” He asked, as he froze the frame on Discord’s whole spread eagled body. “This is actually a thing? What the f(beep) is that? It looks like Rarity’s green hair, Twist, an ursa major, and a cockatrice had a baby.”
The audience laughed as Tosh placed on a disgusted face, but since it was Tosh, his face was also pretty impassive. “The f(beep) is up with his eyes? He should probably go to Photo Finish ASAP. Otherwise, life is going to be really hard with a (beep)ed up body like that. While I wasn't really a fan of the whole ‘Hitler’ guy, we could have at least prevented this thing if we tried to breed a master race. Now I’m not a fan of Hitler, but at least he had some good ideas.”
The crowd laughed some more as the screen changed movies. “Anyone want some cake?” He asked, as the next video was shown.
Princess Celestia was currently in the royal kitchen. It was dark out, and the only light provided was from the refrigerator in the kitchen. Her royal plot was visible from the side as the camera moved closer. The camera managed to catch a glimpse of Princess Celestia chomping down on a large cake that was supposed to be for tomorrow. Loud squishing noises were heard as the princess looked up. Her face turned red with a combination of anger and embarrassment. “Luna!” She said, the Royal Canterlot voice booming throughout the halls and shaking the camera. “How dare you record me in the middle of the night!”
Luna laughed a small amount before her response, “You need to cut down on the sweets, Sister. You are going to gain weight.” She said. Luna noticed that the amount of frosting on Celestia’s mane and face looked exactly like some Saturday nights when a stallion was brought home. Tosh quickly paused the video. “Sorry.” He simply said, jerking his head towards the risque frosting before he resumed the video. The refrigerator opened to reveal twelve empty plates, all of them the same as the plate the previous cake was eaten on. Luna gasped, “Sister, did you eat all of those cakes?” She asked.
Before there was a response, the camera was levitated out of Luna’s grasp and thrown against a wall. A loud thud was heard as the two sisters began to argue about the repercussions of eating all of the cakes for tomorrow.
Tosh smiled, hoping that his crew would be able to handle the small amount of tasks that they were given for this particular bit. “I can never look at frosting the same way again. It’s like when I had sex with Pinkie and confetti came out of my (beep).” He said. The crowd laughed before the television switched to a different video. “As you can no doubt tell, a lot of people on the Ponynet posted comments such as, ‘Wow, what a fat f(beep)’ or ‘Princess Rollestia’. I figured I would give Princess Celestia a Web Redemption, so that she could tell every pony that she is not a completely fat f(beep). Just fat enough to give me some cushion for the pushin.”
The audience laughed and cheered as the Web Redemption logo popped up, and then the video started to play. It was a dark alley, and Tosh was standing in the alley, his hands inside of a deep trench coat. Princess Celestia was also wearing a trench coat, as she moved into the alleyway with a side step. She walked in front of Tosh, and then her head bowed. Both were apparently disguising their voices. “You got it?” Princess Celestia said, in a deeper voice.
“I got the good sh(beep).” Tosh said, as he opened his trench coat to reveal a vial with pink frosting inside. A label on the vial said, “Blue frosting.”
The video cut to Princess Celestia and Tosh cooking up the frosting in a spoon, Celestia providing the fire with her magic. Then both of them wrapped up their left forehoof up with a bandage and sucked up the liquid frosting with a syringe. Both of them shared half of the syringe, and then both of them nodded. Tosh smirked. “Let’s do this.” He said.
The video panned to both Tosh and Celestia pining in a corner, staring at the ground while their bodies shook. There were twenty cakes lined up on a buffet table, that was previously used by the writers. Several seconds of silence permeated the room before Tosh stood up and walked over to the cakes. “They are watching us...” He said, as he smashed his hooves over the cake to try and find some kind of camera. He was apparently not aware of the fact that he was being filmed. Or maybe it was part of the whole act. Either way, Princess Celestia walked over to Tosh and the two of them started to smash their hooves over the cakes, looking for a camera.
“I don’t see anything here.” Celestia replied, in a hushed and anxious voice. “I told Luna to stop filming me. I know she’s doing it.”
“They are all f(beep)ing filming us. Society is filming us...” Tosh said. “They aren’t going to take me!” He yelled, as he jumped onto the table and broke it in half, sending the cakes into the air and on the two withdrawing ponies. Both of them screamed and started to run around the room, trailing cake behind them as they ran.
The audience laughed as the video ended and Tosh stood there, somewhat surprised at his antics. “I could have sworn that I helped her kick the habit of being a complete fat f(beep). Oh well, maybe next time. Make sure to check us out on Tweeter and Ponybook. Go online to the store so that you can buy swag, I recently imported some XL shirts from my Chinese sweat shop, so even Celestia can wear my swag now! See ya next week.” He said. He waved at the camera while the crowd stomped their hooves, as the show drew to its close.
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Fucking funny
Hahahahahahaha!!!! OH gods my sides!!!
This is how its done
this is horrible.....MAKE MOAR!!!
Discord next for the whole "chocolate rain" thing
By Odin's magnificent chest hair, that was brilliant!
1402760
Thank you very much <3
I was hoping my second chapter would be better than the first.
1402767 yeah
i like writing/read/watching comedy, im working on a new comedy fic too.
Meh, you need to not use the main charcters form the show to much. aka make them funny things about ponies, like a earth colt learning to brush for the first time. Maybe add in some other races.
But just using ponies form the show really takes away from your potential. As do the "repeats" that he apparently reuses.
You could start using famous OC's, or ponies from stories you read.
Conclusion: worth a chuckle every now and then but it needs to word at being unique.
Good concept though, and the transitions between tosh and the clips was done well.
1404433
Noted. Thank you for the constructive criticism.
This was better than the first episode.
Silver out!
Has it...
No...
It can be...
It's gotten funnier! The first fic Ive seen to improve upon itself, nice work.
1452574
Yay! I was hoping that the second would be better than the first. No pressure Vicodin... No pressure...
1635383
Noted. Thank you for the input!
Did you see Fluttershy's vagina on Tosh.0?
1655248
I haven't watched the show in forever x.x
1655305 Check Equestria Daily
1655368
Can't find it. Link?
1655396 There is a shitstorm in the comments
1655501
Holy. Shit. Of course now the bronies are going to blow it out of proportion... sigh.
1655530