They're home.

by Nameless Narrator

(A)Way (from) home: 2

“You could have told me you were following me!” the travelling ball of winter clothes scrunches its muzzle meaningfully at two bat ponies wearing only Nightguard light armors and white cloaks who are making sure that none of the remains of five timberwolves will ever be coming to life again.

The bulky stallion of the bat pony duo smiles at the traveller as his hoof adorned with heavy combat horseshoes crushes a timberwolf’s wooden head.

“Couldn’t. Luna’s orders.”

“Are you okay?” the second bat pony, a mare this time, finishes crushing her two victims into kindling, rushes over to the traveller, and pulls them into a hug.

“Totally fine, Miss Gloom!” is the traveller’s muffled reply.

“Show yourself, 65536, I gotta check.”

“I’m fiiiiine!” 65536’s hooves are swatted away as Gloom unwraps its face, revealing the smiling muzzle of a changeling drone.

“You’re dirty!” she spits on her hoof and starts wiping off some grime from the drone’s face.

“I slipped a few times today, that’s all. I’m not hurt,” the twisting drone finally manages to free itself and measures the bat pony duo.

“You did well fighting the first one on your own, and your training kicked in when I started issuing orders,” Night Hunter pats 65536’s head, “Well done.”

“I’m so proud of you!” Gloom beams at 65536.

“Thank you,” replies 65536, “I wasn’t scared during the one-on-one, but I was shaking for sure when I saw the next five,” it nods before starting to wave its forelegs in the air, “But then you swooped from the trees and whoosh! Next we’re standing back to back, punching baddies. Boom! Smack! I didn’t even need to use my emergency stick,” it taps its chest where its left foreleg connects to its barrel, revealing a pocket with something metallic sticking out.

With the immediate danger gone, the bat ponies exchange glances and Night Hunter scratches his head.

“I guess that after all these years we finally failed the mission. Are we getting old?”

“It’s the worst winter in decades,” Gloom shrugs, “And I guess we couldn’t have kept it a secret forever.”

“So, Luna has been sending you to keep an eye on me every freezy time?” asks 65536.

“Yup,” Gloom nods, “We always managed to clear out the path, but this year it seems that the timberwolves are especially hungry.”

“Waaaaait,” 65536 narrows its eyes in suspicion before gasping, “That means you’ve been around in this cold all this time while wearing only that?!” it points an accusing hoof- well, heavily clothed stump at Gloom’s chest.

“Yes, but we get an extra week off while we’re waiting for you in Ponyville, so it’s all good,” Night Hunter smirks, “Bat ponies, especially Nightguards, are a bit of spectacle there, so we get some services for free, and the hot tubs at the local spa are to die for.”

“Not to mention the exotic earth pony twins, Hunter,” Gloom winks at him.

“My mouth is sealed,” he replies.

“Nooo no no no no!” 65536 runs around, poking each bat pony in various places, “This has to feel so cold! You have no sweater, no hats, caps, cowls, not even socks and mittens!”

“It’s okay, we have these,” Night Hunter pulls out a necklace hidden behind his breastplate, the ornament of which being a rock with a glowing orange spiral carved into it, “Luna’s charms for winter missions-”

“I know what those are!” huffs 65536, loosening two of its scarves to pull at strings around its neck and reveal three similar glowing rocks, “But no, this isn’t right!” it trots to its cart and opens the smaller container, reaching in to pull out two soft bundles, “You don’t need to be sneaky anymore so you’re getting my reserve mittens and wooly hats!” it sits down, offering one bag in each foreleg.

“We are fine, 65536,” Gloom chuckles, “It’s practice anyw-”

“Don’t make me pull rank on ya!” the drone pouts at them, “I can also wibble, but I’m giving you a fair chance first.”

“What do you mean by pulling rank?” Night Hunter chuckles, “I think we would know if Luna promoted you. I’m pretty sure Gloom would shout it from Canterlot rooftops, actually.”

“Shut it,” grumbles Gloom.

“But we’re not in Canterlot, are we?” 65536 grins victoriously, “Out here I’m the ambass- boss- bomb- sadist- no…” it concentrates before slowly pronouncing, “ambassador to the Changeling Hive, and that’s a diplomatic position which means I totally can ask any local law enforcement for assistance. I’m doing that,” it scratches its head when faced with two stern stares, “Umm, please? My leggos are getting chilly just by watching you wearing only that,” it waves the bags again, “Mittens and caps? You know you wanna.”

“Oh screw it! I can barely feel my hooves,” Gloom breaks first, trotting over accompanied by 65536’s growing smile. To her surprise, the bag contains a dry, warm cloth to wipe everything off, a set of four mittens, and a leathery, waterproof outer cover for each one, “How is it so dry and warm?”

“I spent a ton of shinies on this special boxy. It can straight up fall into water and be completely fine,” it points at another four runic rocks stuffed inside a glass bottle in the personal box,“and Luna didn’t give me just three of those amulets, but last time I tried to wear all of those my sweater caught fire, so I keep the rest here in case I need to change my clothes. I think Luna might have overdone it a bit this year.”

“She’s worried sick every year when you leave,” Night Hunter pats 65536 as thanks while putting on his new clothes. They barely fit due to the sheer size difference, but they’re still a blessing in this weather.

“I can relate,” Gloom nods.

“Awww,” 65536 gives her a hug, “But I gotta do this, and freezy time is the best time because Luna and Princess Celestia close the court proceedings to spend time together. Plus, as you said - it’s training,” 65536 smacks its chest.

“What’s in there anyway?” Night Hunter nods to the bigger crate.

“The main reason why I do this in freezy time - presents!” 65536 beams at him, “I save almost all the shinies I earn over the year because, you know, I don’t need to eat your food and I live in the barracks, and when I start planning to go back to the hive I buy all the fun stuff I can find plus a ton of noms for the drones. Speaking of which,” it takes back the now empty bags from the Nightguards, “I’m already almost a day late due to the snow, so I should get going.”

“We can help you with that cart,” Night Hunter passes by the drone, examining the harness, “That should help with catching up.”

65536 ponders objecting, but Gloom boops its nose, momentarily resetting its train of thought.

“Take it as thanks for the clothes,” she says, “We’re almost at the edge of the Badlands anyway, so lead the way.”

“Alrighty!” 65536 admits defeat, but the prospect of getting to the hive on time after all is much too tempting.

***

Rapid thudding of hooves echoes through a tunnel different from the one currently occupied by the one remaining drone fleeing from the flood of ravenous centipedes. While this noise feels no less frantic, the thoughts of the galloping drone are much more focused and calculating as it navigates a very delicately laid out path that’s, strangely enough, not stored in the hive mind but only in its own.

Remember the course, 99066. Every second counts.

Aaand left in thirty-four steps!

The tunnel bends a little earlier than that, but waiting a second or so allows the drone to maintain its speed by sliding along the right side of the bend, its carapace grinding against the smooth rock wall.

The weight on its back belonging to a large egg of roughly three-quarters of its size sat there and glued to its carapace with goop ensures the drone that despite its rapid rush and risky maneuvers it hasn’t lost its cargo.

Now ahead as quickly as possible, careful of the dent on step hundred and thirty-four. Could it be used for a speed boost next time? Maybe, it could save a fraction of a second on the next segment. It’s risky, though. If I trip there I may as well reset until the next egg. Eh, there’s a cavern full of eggs still waiting, so I have more than enough attempts ahead of me.

The drone gallops through darkness lit only faintly by its bioluminescent teal eyes as quickly as it can with the egg on its back, until its own mental map lines up with a recent addition to the general hive mind map - a strange, red, straight line ending in an arrow directly connecting its origin with a tunnel several floors down.

Okay, here goes the run killer. Don’t mess the sequence up this time.

There it is - two pony lengths of a tunnel where the right wall isn’t smoothed out and gently sloping upwards like everywhere else, rather it remains the old, jagged style before drones started rebuilding the tunnels in the new, life-saving way.

However, unlike on the personal hive map, there definitely isn’t any corridor splitting off from there, only the solid, chunky, rock wall.

Now, focus.

The drone decelerates by grinding its side against the smooth section of the wall to avoid potentially hurting itself on the rough part while still maintaining as much speed for as long as possible. With its few final steps it stops to a halt. Without any visible reason, it presses its side tightly against the wall, jumps several times into it without any effect other than scratching its carapace, repeatedly squats three times, takes a step forward, directly into the wall and…

*Plop!*

…vanishes without a trace.

Author's Note:

GET READY FOR WEEKS OF SETUP!

Comments

[D-F]

“and Luna didn’t give me just three of those amulets, but last time I tried to wear all of those my sweater caught fire, so I keep the rest here in case I need to change my clothes. I think Luna might have overdone it a bit this year.”

the wording feels a little off, is it supposed to be like that?

[Booster Spice]

The tunnel bends a little earlier than that, but waiting a second or so allows the drone to maintain its speed by sliding along the right side of the bend, its carapace grinding against the smooth rock wall.

A speed run in dark chasms, working by dead recogning and altered mapping, and driven from behind by catterpillars?

Imma gonna call this guy Red October.

[Nameless Narrator]

11666705
It should. Luna gave 65536 more amulets than the 3 it's wearing.
11666782
Different drone, not the one being chased down.

[Scyphi]

“and Luna didn’t give me just three of those amulets, but last time I tried to wear all of those my sweater caught fire"

*envisions 65536 happily trotting down the street wearing a sweater*

*then the sweater suddenly explodes into a ball of flames*

Without any visible reason, it presses its side tightly against the wall, jumps several times into it without any effect other than scratching its carapace, repeatedly squats three times, takes a step forward, directly into the wall and…

*Plop!*

…vanishes without a trace.

...did this drone just activate a cheat code or something? Like the Konami Code, but for changelings? The Changeling Code?

[Nameless Narrator]

11667429
- The sweater starts slowly smoldering around the neck. "Does something smell like burning?" Bursts into flames. "I AM GHOSTRIDER NOW!"
- The changeling hive is programmed on Bethesda physics engine. And I'm still not sure if I want to explicitly explain what and why is happening with this or leave it for detective work.

[Thor447]

Oh god the drones have learned how to break physics, it's the end this time

[D-F]

11667571

- The changeling hive is programmed on Bethesda physics engine. And I'm still not sure if I want to explicitly explain what and why is happening with this or leave it for detective work.

i wonder what species works on the source engine

[Nameless Narrator]

11667663
There's more a chance of Ds telefragging each other.
11667667
I only know that alicorns roll in GMOD.

[dzamie]

Speedrunner drone! May it be blessed with gold splits.