Ms. Glimmer and the Do-Nothing Prince

by scifipony

24 — Royal Duties I: Game of Thrones

Author's Note:

This is a detail image of something mentioned in the story. Silver wire, white and green jade, and a star amethyst.

I'd grown up wearing clothes most hours of the day and night, unlike most ponies. I'd been an Earl. I hated it for all the reasons.

When I'd run away from my responsibilities at Grin Having, I'd given up wearing clothes. I'd went with only saddle bags and a tarp, which functioned as a tent or a rain slicker as I tramped around northeastern Equestria pretending to be one of the nomads ponies called hobos. When I settled in Baltimare, I found a job as a grocery clerk; I wore a kale green miniskirt and blouse with lots of midriff, which made the old codger that owned Bit O' Kale's happy and ensured he paid me well.

I began wearing clothes I tailored for myself when I trained as a prizefighter. That meant pink sweats of technical fiber that fit snug to every curve of my body, allowing me to better manipulate the stallions who were the majority in the profession. I designed arena costumes to disguise my identity during a fight without impeding movement. As a bodyguard, I preferred engineered cloaks or dresses that would look elegant and restricting, but sported breakaway seams—so I could surprise an attacker with a hoof to the nose, or a backhoof to the stallion parts.

In Canterlot, I eschewed clothing again. I'd still been a blank flank and had decided it worked to my advantage to stop painting on my toothed-book "grimoire" cutie mark. It made me authentic and easy to underestimate. I'd worn pigtails again, enhancing my ability to hide in plain sight.

Sunset Shimmer had underestimated me—until she realized I'd injured myself to save her, during a magic practicum. No matter how tough the pony or the determination of said pony—I'm talking about me here—living through a gang war, having thought you'd killed a pony with the knife he nearly assassinated your employer with, and having survived an attack by a griffon with knife gloves on her talons and lion paws, PTSD happens. Sunset had triggered it. By shear force of will, I'd made a Force spell backfire, burning the root of my horn rather than—well, burning or killing my T.A.

Sunset rapidly figured out I was special and had cultivated... Okay, I now realized it was my friendship. That I'd offered her nettle ewe after riding her (mind controlled, remember, but neither of us had known that then) had certainly changed her mind about the blank flank she'd barely noticed before.

When the fifth hoofmaid brought another dress, I gave in. Not what Celestia had promised me a half-hour ago. Apparently, clothes made the mare despite Celestia only ever wearing her regalia.

They put my mane up, weaving it so the fluorescent green stripes and purple locks looked like an unfrosted layer cake. Against my forehead above my horn they placed my crown. Whereas Cadance's was a tea cup, mine was an incredibly delicate circlet of blackened antiqued silver. Wire held together opposed whitish green and deep green slices of jade against my temples. In the center blazed a four point star formed of tiny tourmaline prisms. A single rare white jade star backed the setting, and pressed it against my uplifted mane and the crown of my head. The hair beside my ears kept it in place. My cutie mark had inspired my one bit of regalia. I respected minimalism and liked impressionism.

I liked the piece.

The dress, though. Tongue-out bleh!

"No flapping way I'm running in this! I feel like a butterfly stuck in its chrysalis, unable to break free."

"It's for casually strolling in, dearie, for looking regal."

I tried to kick at the back seam, but couldn't reach without the crinoline crinkling and pulling. The pearly green garment, replete with gauze and lace, had a stiff satin luster bustle that hid my tail. It made my flank look enormous. Like Sunset's. Not necessarily unbecoming a mare, but it felt like false advertising. The blouse plunged from my withers to behind my forelegs; in between, the mare had brushed my fur into pointed tuft and puffed lacquer on it. I refused the pearls that went with the doo and giddy-up.

Another pony powdered my bruises, but I refused to let him glue my torn ear. I'd wait for Flowing Water to do it properly, were I to decide to get it done at all. I thought it looked rather rakish. It signaled who I felt Starlight Glimmer really was.

"If I have to move, it's going to rip."

"Don't worry, we'll fix it."

Yeah, an average pony would work months to afford such a dress. I hated being as if better than other ponies!

I spat. "This is ridiculous! I'm running the leaves in this?"

"Of course not, Your— Ms. Glimmer. We have a trotting suit. Princess Celestia left so precipitously, she didn't close Day Court. It's only Day Three of your reign and you get to introduce yourself to the ponies of Canterlot! Isn't that nice?"

"You're joking. Right? Please tell me you're joking."

I looked at the speaker, who blinked at me. More of a hoof-matron. Her black mane, pulled back severely into a bun, had grey streaks that were likely its true color. She wore a forest green velvet vest over mint green fur.

"You're not joking," I answered myself, crestfallen.

A stallion said, "Ms. Glimmer, worry not, for I am here."

In the doorway of the boudoir stood a tan and grey pony squinting through a monocle with a schnauzer dog face. His son, a brown and black pony with the same face and upright appearance stood beside him. Kibitz and his son Proper Step bowed in synchrony. "I shall accompany you and your staff today. As a former athlete, you understand training. Consider this opportunity just that."

I huffed, but stifled a pout. "You don't understand who I am."

"Then, if it pleases you, arrange to sit down with my son and I to explain what we need to know to better serve you. Tell us of your experiences and history since you left the estate. We shall listen and take notes."

Oh, so reasonable!

Proper Step bowed his head when I looked at him. "Did you explain last night and this morning to your father?"

"I did, Ms. Glimmer."

"Leaving nothing out?"

"Nothing. I judge you don't care what ponies think of you, only that they understand you."

"Huh. Never analyzed it that way. I like the sound of that!"

The dark stallion nodded, eyes down.

"Proper Step?"

He looked up. "Yes, Ms. Glimmer?"

"It reassures me that you've proven to have a heart. I respect how you reacted last night. Referring to me, Celestia explained that self-deprecation says a lot about a pony. We should both try to understand the wisdom in that."

His lips quivered and he blinked his watery caramel eyes, but kept it together. "Thank you, Ms. Glimmer."

Kibitz shouldered him and he stumbled. "You've got to learn to loosen up, son! Ms. Glimmer, I'll help him with that." His grey eyes twinkled.

"Thank you, Kibitz. About this court thing. I spent years learning how to cast spells, and I still can't do Motivate, which most unicorns except me can do. Three days prep...? This isn't a wise idea."

"The princess has confidence you will do well in your unique way."

"A quote?"

"More or less. Here's a script."

I got ten minutes to study it, half while suffering makeup and primping, the other half reading while being led from the Residency to the public areas. The script read like one of those parlor games full of deadpan sentences with fill-in-the-blank phrases at the point where something could be misconstrued. I flipped noisily back and forth between pages. Definitely not a canned speech. Insert something about magic. Insert something about Equestria. Insert something about the harvest and the Running of the Leaves. Insert how you are so happy to be the first crown princess in 500 years. Etc.

Five-hundred, not a thousand. Interesting. Must have been one of the two times Celestia lost a war and most of her territories; I'm not good at history, but you knew that.

The part about where Celestia had gone to read:

Arbitrating a territorial dispute...

and

Use your discretion on what detail to give.

It was horn-written. Celestia's?

Was she testing me? Or goading me?

I hadn't looked up trotting, so it took me by surprise when the rhythmic clatter of hooves got replaced by the chatter and din of ponies. I'd entered the throne room on the public end through the southeast doors. I jumped when the heralds blared Hail to the Queen. Yeah, I knew enough to guess the tune dated back to the Platinum era.

Kibitz and Proper Step announced in unison, "Her Royal Highness, The Crown Princess of Equestria, Starlight Glimmer Regina Aurora Midnight, the Princess of Marks and the Earl of Grin Having. Hear ye, hear ye! Day Court is in back in session."

Hearing the P-word, I wanted to kick somepony, but Celestia had made a point about state occasions being the one time when I had to suffer the irritation. I huffed, paging loudly through the sheets of paper sewn together with pink ribbon, taking out my pique there.

Half way to the dual thrones on the Fountain Steps, a middle-aged stallion with a red coat and brown mane peeled out of line. His puffy green shirt and tailed-jacket sparkled with emerald gems. A palomino mare likely a decade older gasped, wavered, then dashed out behind him, mouthing, "No, no, please, no!"

I ripped out the page to flutter behind me.

A green pegasus stallion landed with a rattle of bronze armor to my right between me and the rude fellow. Streak, wearing her sweater livery emblazoned with my cutie mark crest landed with a bang that cracked a tile to my left, with an arguably more impressive sound thanks to the jangle and clacking of Hurricane's armor and the array of earrings and other punk gold and silver metal bling she wore. She thrashed her tail as she strode protectively beside me in a manner no equine could misconstrue.

Kibitz read from his ledger: "The Honorable Viscount Fair Trade and MP Glory Gem."

The stallion pleaded, "Your Majesty! Please. This is serious."

I stopped, taking everypony by surprise. Horseshoes slid. Kibitz butted the guard. I reconfigured the Levitate holding the script to Pull, figuring I could knock him over or spin him if need be.

"Interesting," I said, "Not a Trottingham accent, yet he addresses me like he might Her Majesty Queen Bliss More? Speaking to Her Majesty without leave would likely get him poked with a pointy stick," I said joyfully as I turned to the royal guard, adding, "May I borrow one of your javelins?" He had two in a ribbon quiver. "I'd like to set a precedent."

The entire titanic stain-glass illuminated hall fell deadly quiet, with a few startled whinnies echoing away.

The viscount coughed. "Your Royal Highness. Princess—"

"His ears work."

Streak laughed, understanding me the best in the room.

"The in-between part...? That remains to be seen."

"I'm dreadfully sorry, but I understand you're going to close Day Court early and—"

Glory Gem, a palomino earth pony with a pearlescent blonde mane. wearing a lacy understated faint-green blouse and a maxi dress to match, clopped a hoof on his withers. He quickly bowed under the pressure. She curtsied three-legged, hissing, "Lord Trade, please! Forgive us Ms. Glimmer."

I lifted the pair in my magic and scooted them out of Streak's personal space. Her armor glowed red. I bet she liked that feature! I just hoped it didn't presage setting ponies on fire.

I noted neither Kibitz nor his son stepped in. That level of... what? Trust? Freedom to fail? I suppressed a shudder.

Fair Trade powered on. "Your Royal Highness. Another delay would be disastrous!"

"Fair Trade!" the MP warned.

He stated as if it were obvious,"You see! Glory Gem isn't herself."

"The contract speaks for itself," she spoke lowly into his ear, but sotto voce nonetheless.

"I didn't sign—"

"As if!"

Glory Gem got between the viscount and me. Their argument resumed, but she butt him with her forehead, pushing us apart but getting louder as they went.

Shaking my head, I continued to the thrones. I noticed Shining Armor talking to other guards. Where he was...

Princess Cadance entered from the doors behind the throne. She looked for and found him with a smile. A herald announced her entrance.

Kibitz asked, "What should I do with the pair?"

"Tell me more about their case, briefly."

I caught Cadance's eye, even as she walked toward her potential beau. I waved a hoof to beside me. She trotted up, ears lowering.

I said, "Take the big throne."

"Um... You're the heir."

"You're older and have seniority."

"Doesn't work that way—"

"Please. I honestly need your help."

She nodded. I mounted the stairs after her as Kibitz followed, finishing his reprise. I tried sitting in my throne. I'd been trained to move in clothes from the age of a foal, but I'd never sat in something so stiff. Proper Step slid beside me, whispering and pressing fabric that imitated a lobster shell. With much crinkling, my haunches pressed into the velvet cushion. Cadance's pink head towered above me, though she ducked it a little and fluffed her wings nervously. She'd fixed her makeup, but after the tears episode had decided against mascara or eyeliner.

She asked, "Did I miss something? Day Court isn't usually so quiet."

"Nothing that won't be reported in the papers this evening. They'd better quote my pointed comment properly... Say, are you a high school dropout?"

Her wings snapped to her sides and she looked down her muzzle at me. "I was the valedictorian!"

"Ah, then you're likely to be more upset by the news than I thought."

"Something about me taking Celestia's throne—?"

"I wish! Take mine. Please. Okay, maybe related. You impressed Celestia with your observations about me and Sunburst this morning."

Her face colored and she looked away. "I cried in her wings like a foal."

"Talking nonetheless."

"Um—" She looked out at the expectant ponies.

"I'd like to know what you told her."

"Um—"

"Not actually asking at this moment. You, however, impressed our favorite winged unicorn. She thinks you've leadership potential."

She met my eyes, then blinked and looked away. "Is that why I'm on the Solar Throne and you're on the Lunar?"

"Sorry. Not intentionally misleading. You're just a bigger pony." I scratched the back of my neck. "But, I caught her rule-over-a-domain vibe, especially since she told me before my coronation that she expected to have a domain for you soon. The upshot is that she's sending you back to high school."

"What? That makes no sense. I don't understand."

"You wouldn't, because there's a secret I can't share, but you're going to attend our homeroom class starting tomorrow morning."

She blinked. Her eyes widened. "Even Moon Dancer knows?"

"The secret? You will soon. It's a curse, but it means you've passed a test and Celestia wants you trained. You're going to have to grow up, though." Celestia wanted me to make that happen.

She huffed and rearranged her wings, loudly. "You're one to talk!"

I pointed at Shining Armor. Her head jerked to follow my hoof. The blue-maned stout-fellow, with a solar cutie mark hidden under bronze shorts and gleaming armor, sensed our attention. Waved a deep blue hoof. "Do you... love him? Or is he your plaything?"

She sputtered. When I looked, her cheeks reddened.

"Plaything, then?"

She huffed.

I said, "You are going to hear a rumor that will test where your affections lie. You'll hate me because the rumor is true. Bear in mind that I can't befriend a pony that hurts other ponies."

"Cryptic much?" she asked. When I added nothing, she took a deep breath. "You asked for my help?"

"Right. Yes. Are your special spells coercive magic?"

"Only in the sense that they make ponies remember good memories. I named my new magic based on typical reactions to the spells. I can't make a pony fall in love if they don't feel love."

"Same with Amity?"

"Same spell targeting different emotions. I found the magic in the Crystal Heart necklace the philomancer Prisma used to enslave our village. The spell amplifies the polarity of your emotions and casts them into others. Prisma had grown bitter, so it magnified her negativity. I always think positively, so it's not a problem. I befriended the old mare and broke the necklace."

"And earned your cutie mark?"

"How did you know—?"

I pointed to my hidden mark. "Princess of Marks."

"Oh. Of course."

"See those two arguing at the front of the queue? Kibitz, fill her in on the particulars."

As they whispered, I stood. I leafed through the script, looking at the list of insert-here items. I shook my head, then let the pages flutter to the stairs.

It slid to the bottom. The hall full of ponies, who'd begun chattering again, shushed.

Taking a deep breath, I said, "We have an armistice with the Golden Stag. For those that don't remember what that word means, we are at war but have come to an agreement not to fight. Celestia has flown south to ensure the agreement continues to stand. Whilst one point does not draw a line, perhaps you can deduce good reasons why Celestia might have placed me on the Lunar Throne, pretty much against my will. However, I will do my duty, and expect that you, our loyal subjects, will act accordingly."

I had everypony's eyes riveted. Cadance, ever out of the loop, gasped. She whispered, "The princess did what?"

I motioned her beside me. "Princess Celestia asked me to close the Day Court in preparation for The Running of the Leaves. However, one order of important business remains. Fair Trade. Glory Gem. Approach the steps."

Perhaps because the MP had talked some sense into the stallion, or he had realized that I had said I wanted to jab him with a javelin, he sweat profusely. Glory Gem begged him quietly, "Just apologize—"

"And give in to you—?"

They began arguing, again. Squabbling really. Other ponies noticed, shaking their head, a few with good-natured smiles. Their relationship wasn't new; their discord was.

I sighed. To Cadance, I said, "They're friends who've forgotten that fact."

"You want me to demonstrate my spell?"

I got a crooked smile. "Yes! I am an opportunist."

Cadance gave me a squinty look. "At least she admits it." She nodded. "Can't hurt."

Her horn glowed the green-tinted blue of the heart on her cutie mark. Quicker than a balloon inflating, a sparkly yellow heart grew at the tip. It detached, flying buffeted like a butterfly on a breeze until it popped over the pair.

The red stallion whinnied. His face cleared of doubt as he stepped back, saying, "Why are we doing this?"

The palomino, on the other hoof, stiffened, thunderstruck. Emerald green eyes widened as the yellow glow of the magic scintillated around her, not really going in as it had on Fair Trade. The glow turned greenish like a winter aurora. She clenched every muscle, gritting her teeth.

My shoes clattered on the steps as I rushed down, Glory Gem's distress overwhelming my shock. I'd thought her a healthy pony. As I looked, her healthy plumpness revealed itself as thick fur that hid a gaunt darker frame. I'd allowed, no requested, an unknown spell cast on an elder pony!

As I leapt from the last stair, my regret and sorrow bloomed. My stupid heart leaked concern and I felt it projected from my chest toward hers. I'd learned a new trick, and couldn't control it.

Glory Gem's eyes rolled up and she spiraled to the floor in a faint.

Her ribs lifted—she breathed, I saw as I skidded toward her. When I inhaled, however, I hit a cloud of jasmine scent.

A certain estate seamstress had worn that perform. She taught me an essential lesson about equality that had helped shape my life.

Shocked, I lost the tension in my right leg. Joints buckled and my hooves twisted as chaotic momentum rolled me over. I slid on my back into the mare while my crown launched off my head.

The mare shrieked as if I'd jolted her with lightning. Glory Gem jumped to her hooves with more vitality than an elder pony reasonably demonstrated. The palomino towered above me as I lay on my back, stomach exposed. Her irises shrunk to pin-pricks. Hyperventilating, she searched right and left, confused.

"Are you okay?" I waved my hooves to get her attention; relief that she was, at least, standing flooded into my overfilled lake of concern. "I'm sorry about the spell—"

She backed away as if she'd seen a monster. Of course she had; I'd once again demonstrated I was evil. Her shoes clattered as she pumped her legs up and down nervously. "I—I—I—" She gulped. "Contract!" she cried loudly and galloped for the exit with the speed of a locomotive. She shouldered a herald, whose long trumpet rang against the gilt door, then clattered spinning across the floor.

I got to my hooves, mouth gaping. Streak landed, helping my ascent while the royal guard and Shining Armor formed a circle around Cadance, Me, and Fair Trade.

Blinking, I asked, "What happened?"

Fair Trade offered me my crown. The calmed pony said, "I'm so sorry I let that happen, Ms. Glimmer, Your Royal Highness." He went down on one knee.

Amity. That was the way the spell was supposed to work.

I asked, "Does any one smell jasmine?"

Streak said, "She bathed in something. Jasmine? More like new-mown hay."

I heard Shining Armor murmur, "Garlic. Who wears that? Very intriguing, though..."

As I lifted my crown to my head, Fair Trade said, "Like I said, she's not been herself, ever since she started wearing that sunflower scent. I really like it, don't get me wrong..."

The entire court had gotten an eyeful. Court reporters got two good stories out of it, with photographs! If Celestia were anything like the tutors I had grown up under, I expected to be critiqued in detail. I told Proper Step to get my notebook.

I told Fair Trade that their contract was in abeyance since the contractee had fled. I cautioned he would be liable if the contract proved proper. He trotted off with a court lawyer as I closed the Day Court.

Cadance stood mortified and pale, her ears flattened to her skull. In all her years she'd worked the spell, it had never backfired. It wasn't negativity seeping in, she assured. It worked properly on Fair Trade. In the end, I convinced her she required remedial magic study, and that Sunburst was the pony to help.

It proved to me she'd be able to fight with her magic, however strange it might be.

The whole flapping day had proven weird. I shied away from evaluating my emotional reactions, but Ms. Maple was right. I need to talk them out.

Right now, I had to deal with The Running of the Leaves.