Dafaddah's Box of Chocolates

by Dafaddah

Songs from the Conversion Bureau

I imagine some newfoals will have a harder time adjusting to life in Equestria than others. They might express it by modifying some songs from their human cultural heritage. I'm sure you know this one...

The Foal on the Hill

Day after day,
Alone on a hill,
The colt with the foalish grin is keeping perfectly still
But nopony wants to know him,
They can see that he's a newfoal,
And he never gives an answer,
The newfoal unicorn,
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning 'round.

Well on the way,
Hooves on a cloud,
Pegasus of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud
But nopony ever hears her,
or the sound she appears to make,
and she never seems to notice,
The newfoal pegasus,
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in her head,
See the world spinning 'round.

Nopony seems to like him,
they can’t tell what he wants to do,
and he never shows his feelings,
The newfoal earth pony
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning 'round.
Ooh, ooh,
Round and round and round.

And he never listens to them,
He knows that they're the foals
They don't like him,
The newfoals on the hill
See the sun going down,
And the eyes in their heads,
See the world spinning 'round.
Ooh,
Round and round and round.

What if the PER decided to try advertising as a tactic instead of potion lobbing...

“Hey, didja hear? There’s a block party tonight!”
“Oh, yeah? What’s the occasion?”
“Somethin’ called the PER World Tour.”
“Never heard of them.”
“Me neither. But, hey, it’s free!”
“They gonna have food?”
“Yeah, but I hear they don’t eat meat, like veganitarians or somethin’!”
“Man! Just my idea of a party: a bunch a HareKrishnas dancing in the streets.”
“More like Hairy Krishnas, dude. These dogs are like ponies!”
“Hey man, like everybody brags. Ha ha ha.”
“Ha ha, shit, s’true!”
“Listen up, the music’s startin’”

Everybody is doin' a brand new dance, now
Come on baby, do the Loco-potion
I know you'll get to like it if you give it a chance now
Come on baby, do the Loco-potion
You'll have no regrets if you do it with me
You might even get wings or a horn you see
So come on, come on, do the Loco-potion with me
You gotta swing your flanks, now
Come on, filly
Jump up, jump back
On all four hooves, I think you've got the knack
Now that you can do it, let's make a chain, now
Come on baby, do the Loco-potion
A chug-a chug-a motion like a railroad train, now
Come on baby, do the Loco-potion
Do it nice and easy, now, don't lose control
A little bit of rhythm and a lot of soul
So come on, come on, do the Loco-potion with me
Thrash around the floor in a Loco-motion
Come on baby, do the Loco-potion
Gonna lose them hands if you get the notion
Come on baby, do the Loco-potion
There's never been a dance that's so easy to do
It even makes you green or pink or red or blue
So come on, come on, do the Loco-potion with me

I made this little ditty for Chat to cheer her up. Since the Antis were blaming her for everything (just like Canada in the South Park movie) I sent her this so she could turn those lemons into lemonade. If you've never heard the song please view to this first on YouTube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxPRHXgYVlk&feature=youtube_gdata_player and then imagine it sung with the following lyrics:

Time's have changed
Folks desire to change species
They won't preserve their human-ness
They just want to be ponies
Should we blame the government?
Or blame society?
Or should we blame the Conversion Bureaus?
NO, blame Chatoyance
Blame Chatoyance
With her anti-human cries
And pretty stories spreadin' lies
Blame Chatoyance
Blame Chatoyance
We need to form a full assault
It's Chatoyance's fault!
Don't blame me
For my son Herb
He read "Teacup down on the farm"
And now he's off to join the herd!
And my boy Eric once
Had my picture on his shelf
But now when I see him he tells me to buck myself!
Well, blame Chatoyance
Blame Chatoyance
It seems that everythings gone wrong
Since Chatoyance came along
Blame Chatoyance
Blame Chatoyance
Her stuff's only season one anyway
My son could've been a doctor or a lawyer it's true
Instead he converted and now won't touch barbecue
Should we blame the matches?
Should we blame the fire?
Or the doctors who allowed him to drink potion?
Heck no!
Blame Chatoyance
Blame Chatoyance
With all her pony-hugger hubbabbalooo
And that bitch Caprice too
Blame Chatoyance
Shame on Chatoyance
The misanthropy must stop
The Erlenmeyers we must smash
Niceness and fun
must all be undone
We must blame her and cause a fuss
Before someone thinks of blaming uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusss

Speaking of misanthropy... (Sung to the Burt Parks version of Miss America)

THERE SHE IS,
MISS ANTHROPY
THE VERY PICTURE OF HUMAN GRACE AND WIT
FOR EVERY TIME I SEE HER WALKING
MY HEART IT GOES A THUMPING
AND EVERY QUESTION ANSWERED
SHE QUOTES JESUS AND GEORGE BUSH
AND WISHES FOR WORLD PEACE FOR ALL MURICANS
YES, THERE SHE IS
MISS ANTROPY
STUNNING IN HER BATHING SUIT AND HIGH HEEL SHOES
OH SHE'S TOTALLY PRECIOUS
A FOUNT OF WHOLESOME GOODNESS
AND IF SHE WAS A PONY
I'D CONVERT!

And once in a while, we argue politely (cough, cough...) about the meaning of it all:

There once was a Brony from Anti
who got a big knot in his panty
he huffed and puffed
but his talk was all bluff
till he blew a synapse HLF-ly!

Some newfoals will also dearly miss some of their favourite things from our dear planet earth...

Oh Kit-Kat,
Savourer's delight!
Slow in consumption,
May thy sugar'd measures be.
Foals all who toil,
With lesser ephemeral confections.
Their pleasures will be swift,
and hollow, devoid of satisfaction.
But they who partake of Kit-Kat
know pleasure long and deep.
And safe within thy fourfold limbs,
find bliss alike a lover's kiss.

------------------////////-

And now for a late entry from Aedina:

I wrote this one for Taste of Grass (it didn't make the final edit, ah well)

Upon Four Hooves

by Aedina/Eldenath S. de Vilya
Upon four hooves, I sweet grass tread
Where once was devestation
And flower'd meadows, verdant, spread
Across my newfound Nation
The bubble gate, which open’d doors
Of hope, long cast aside
Dismiss’d away all human mores
And vanquished human pride
A new beginning, second chance
Was gifted to my ken
Compassion for our circumstance:
The plight of mortal men
And those who had the sight to view
Beyond all compass’d fear
Traverse’d the dangers to pursue
The better life found here
Equestria, the Fairest Realm;
Where dwells no earthly pain ~
Our Princesses are at its Helm
May They, forever, reign

Comments

[Chatoyance]

The RADWICKINS sing these songs as part of their routine, I am sure! Wonderful stuff, Dafaddah!

[Krass McWriter]

*Snrks*

[Mcayon]

Really good, I would imagine former humans to make songs about their demise, so to say... One thing though... I'm sure I've heard the original of the first song, but what was it?

[Dafaddah]

1368501

If you have any ideas for songs please see this thread and contribute! Songs of the Conversion Bureau thread

Dafaddah

[Dafaddah]

1368501

[Mcayon]

1369346 I guess I was wrong, I've never heard it...

[Aedina]

I wrote this one for Taste of Grass (it didn't make the final edit, ah well)

Upon Four Hooves
by Aedina/Eldenath S. de Vilya

Upon four hooves, I sweet grass tread
Where once was devestation
And flower'd meadows, verdant, spread
Across my newfound Nation

The bubble gate, which open’d doors
Of hope, long cast aside
Dismiss’d away all human mores
And vanquished human pride

A new beginning, second chance
Was gifted to my ken
Compassion for our circumstance:
The plight of mortal men

And those who had the sight to view
Beyond all compass’d fear
Traverse’d the dangers to pursue
The better life found here

Equestria, the Fairest Realm;
Where dwells no earthly pain ~
Our Princesses are at its Helm
May They, forever, reign