//------------------------------// // Songs from the Conversion Bureau // Story: Dafaddah's Box of Chocolates // by Dafaddah //------------------------------// I imagine some newfoals will have a harder time adjusting to life in Equestria than others. They might express it by modifying some songs from their human cultural heritage. I'm sure you know this one... The Foal on the Hill Day after day, Alone on a hill, The colt with the foalish grin is keeping perfectly still But nopony wants to know him, They can see that he's a newfoal, And he never gives an answer, The newfoal unicorn, Sees the sun going down, And the eyes in his head, See the world spinning 'round. Well on the way, Hooves on a cloud, Pegasus of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud But nopony ever hears her, or the sound she appears to make, and she never seems to notice, The newfoal pegasus, Sees the sun going down, And the eyes in her head, See the world spinning 'round. Nopony seems to like him, they can’t tell what he wants to do, and he never shows his feelings, The newfoal earth pony Sees the sun going down, And the eyes in his head, See the world spinning 'round. Ooh, ooh, Round and round and round. And he never listens to them, He knows that they're the foals They don't like him, The newfoals on the hill See the sun going down, And the eyes in their heads, See the world spinning 'round. Ooh, Round and round and round. What if the PER decided to try advertising as a tactic instead of potion lobbing... “Hey, didja hear? There’s a block party tonight!” “Oh, yeah? What’s the occasion?” “Somethin’ called the PER World Tour.” “Never heard of them.” “Me neither. But, hey, it’s free!” “They gonna have food?” “Yeah, but I hear they don’t eat meat, like veganitarians or somethin’!” “Man! Just my idea of a party: a bunch a HareKrishnas dancing in the streets.” “More like Hairy Krishnas, dude. These dogs are like ponies!” “Hey man, like everybody brags. Ha ha ha.” “Ha ha, shit, s’true!” “Listen up, the music’s startin’” Everybody is doin' a brand new dance, now Come on baby, do the Loco-potion I know you'll get to like it if you give it a chance now Come on baby, do the Loco-potion You'll have no regrets if you do it with me You might even get wings or a horn you see So come on, come on, do the Loco-potion with me You gotta swing your flanks, now Come on, filly Jump up, jump back On all four hooves, I think you've got the knack Now that you can do it, let's make a chain, now Come on baby, do the Loco-potion A chug-a chug-a motion like a railroad train, now Come on baby, do the Loco-potion Do it nice and easy, now, don't lose control A little bit of rhythm and a lot of soul So come on, come on, do the Loco-potion with me Thrash around the floor in a Loco-motion Come on baby, do the Loco-potion Gonna lose them hands if you get the notion Come on baby, do the Loco-potion There's never been a dance that's so easy to do It even makes you green or pink or red or blue So come on, come on, do the Loco-potion with me I made this little ditty for Chat to cheer her up. Since the Antis were blaming her for everything (just like Canada in the South Park movie) I sent her this so she could turn those lemons into lemonade. If you've never heard the song please view to this first on YouTube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxPRHXgYVlk&feature=youtube_gdata_player and then imagine it sung with the following lyrics: Time's have changed Folks desire to change species They won't preserve their human-ness They just want to be ponies Should we blame the government? Or blame society? Or should we blame the Conversion Bureaus? NO, blame Chatoyance Blame Chatoyance With her anti-human cries And pretty stories spreadin' lies Blame Chatoyance Blame Chatoyance We need to form a full assault It's Chatoyance's fault! Don't blame me For my son Herb He read "Teacup down on the farm" And now he's off to join the herd! And my boy Eric once Had my picture on his shelf But now when I see him he tells me to buck myself! Well, blame Chatoyance Blame Chatoyance It seems that everythings gone wrong Since Chatoyance came along Blame Chatoyance Blame Chatoyance Her stuff's only season one anyway My son could've been a doctor or a lawyer it's true Instead he converted and now won't touch barbecue Should we blame the matches? Should we blame the fire? Or the doctors who allowed him to drink potion? Heck no! Blame Chatoyance Blame Chatoyance With all her pony-hugger hubbabbalooo And that bitch Caprice too Blame Chatoyance Shame on Chatoyance The misanthropy must stop The Erlenmeyers we must smash Niceness and fun must all be undone We must blame her and cause a fuss Before someone thinks of blaming uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusss Speaking of misanthropy... (Sung to the Burt Parks version of Miss America) THERE SHE IS, MISS ANTHROPY THE VERY PICTURE OF HUMAN GRACE AND WIT FOR EVERY TIME I SEE HER WALKING MY HEART IT GOES A THUMPING AND EVERY QUESTION ANSWERED SHE QUOTES JESUS AND GEORGE BUSH AND WISHES FOR WORLD PEACE FOR ALL MURICANS YES, THERE SHE IS MISS ANTROPY STUNNING IN HER BATHING SUIT AND HIGH HEEL SHOES OH SHE'S TOTALLY PRECIOUS A FOUNT OF WHOLESOME GOODNESS AND IF SHE WAS A PONY I'D CONVERT! And once in a while, we argue politely (cough, cough...) about the meaning of it all: There once was a Brony from Anti who got a big knot in his panty he huffed and puffed but his talk was all bluff till he blew a synapse HLF-ly! Some newfoals will also dearly miss some of their favourite things from our dear planet earth... Oh Kit-Kat, Savourer's delight! Slow in consumption, May thy sugar'd measures be. Foals all who toil, With lesser ephemeral confections. Their pleasures will be swift, and hollow, devoid of satisfaction. But they who partake of Kit-Kat know pleasure long and deep. And safe within thy fourfold limbs, find bliss alike a lover's kiss. ------------------////////- And now for a late entry from Aedina: I wrote this one for Taste of Grass (it didn't make the final edit, ah well) Upon Four Hooves by Aedina/Eldenath S. de Vilya Upon four hooves, I sweet grass tread Where once was devestation And flower'd meadows, verdant, spread Across my newfound Nation The bubble gate, which open’d doors Of hope, long cast aside Dismiss’d away all human mores And vanquished human pride A new beginning, second chance Was gifted to my ken Compassion for our circumstance: The plight of mortal men And those who had the sight to view Beyond all compass’d fear Traverse’d the dangers to pursue The better life found here Equestria, the Fairest Realm; Where dwells no earthly pain ~ Our Princesses are at its Helm May They, forever, reign