Adventures in the TARDIS

by Scroll

Part 16: Internal Compass

I think I lost consciousness, but I can only realize that after the fact. There is this blank sense of timelessness where all concerns related to self identify evaporated. I can't say how long it lasted. To me, it feels like just crossing through a light barrier yet it has more profound impact upon me than I would expect from a moment that brief. It has the emotional weight of centuries going by or . . . perhaps more? It's hard to tell.

All of this leaves me dizzy so it takes me a moment longer to realize how much my environment has changed. When that finally starts to sink in, I realize I'm in what seems to be some kind of library, for a tall tower of bookshelves is all around me.

However, when I start scanning about the base level of this place, I start to realize that perhaps a study room is a more apt description because immediately in front of me is comfortable looking seats on a carpet. There is a coffee table between them and a lit fire pit behind them all. By taking in everything that is in close proximity to me, I get this strong sense of coziness, yet when I gaze up at the tower of books above me that seem to stretch on into infinity, I get a counterbalance feeling of being in another world or entirely separate dimension where normal logic need not apply.

“Welcome, young one,” greets a friendly being ahead of me. I look back at the seats a short distance ahead of me which I'm positive were empty before, but that is no longer true for one of them. There was no other warning or sign of his appearance like a “popping” or tingling sound normally indicative of magical teleportation. He is just suddenly there as if he was only allowed to exist in the split second I happened to look away from these seats.

The individual in question appears to be a griffon which is characterized as having the hind legs like some kind of large feline but a forward talons like an eagle. His head is also eagle shaped, but also appear very old, for he had a long beard. Instead of hair, though, his “beard” was a fluff full of white feathers instead. He wears spectacles over his faded blue, aging and wisdom-filled eyes. Another thing about him that strikes me as profound is the loving way he gazes upon me that also sets me at ease. I have nothing to prove to this individual. I can't surprise or disappoint him because the love I feel from him towards me is just too intense to believe otherwise. Curiously, I also gain a sense of familiarity with him too as if I met him before, but my conscious memory just ends up innocently shrugging when I demand an explanation for this feeling.

I lift a hoof to point to him as I ask, “Are you Mezliezer?” I guess awkwardly. “Mez-ah-zoonie?” I try again. “Mez . . . Um.” I grunt in frustration then revise my tactic by asking, “Are you the Divine Serpent I spoke to telepathically earlier?”

“I am an indeed,” he confirms as he closes a book I just notice him holding with one talon. As he does so, he appears to chuckle at me in amusement. He then briefly waves his other talon towards me in an arcing circle as he proposes, “How about you just call me Auzmeir? I want to make things easier and more comfortable for you.”

“Ah . . . sure,” I accept with a delighted nod. “That'll be much easier for me to work with.”

“Then I am glad we got that settled,” he says with a bright smile that reminds me of a very affectionate grandfather. He then gestures across from him to the other empty seat as he says invitingly, “Please. I welcome you to have a seat if you like.”

“Ah . . . sure,” I repeat, though this time a little trepidatiously because of my confusion. Despite that, I do it anyway because I do not want to disappoint him. I don't do it out of fear of him, though. I can't explain why, but I already trust him too much for that.

“By the way, what do you think of this place?” he asks as he gestures around us. “You might notice it bears some resemblance to libraries that you've encountered in the past. I made this mental construct using pieces of your memories to help further put you at ease.”

I look around more carefully. In doing so, I notice the wood of the bookshelves do appear familiar. There is also something recognizable about the color, architecture, smell, and even the general vibe of this place. Despite all of that, there is an otherworldly quality to it too which I suspect is equally no accident. He created this place to both set me at ease but also spark my wonder and imagination. To tantalize me with how much more there is to explore in creation.

“It's wonderful!” I tell him with delight both in my expression and my voice as I look back at him. “But I take it this place isn't real, right? At least not in a tangible sense?”

“You are most astute, young lady,” he expresses with near equal delight. “Such has served you well in the college you attended, but I also wanted to introduce you to the concept that there is so much more out there for you to explore. More than the books you read at home could ever tell you.”

“Right . . . but I can add to that knowledge as I explore,” I counter propose. “Just like my maps, the books I write is also meant to introduce my readers to a taste of the experiences I had. That's something I always wanted to do with my life. Not just see what is out there, but share that journey as much as I can.”

“A noble goal indeed,” Auzmeir expresses warmly. “And one I can deeply relate too. I, too, have a passion for sharing knowledge.”

“Why?” I ask curiously. “You seem to know so much. Maybe some of that knowledge might be too dangerous to share because you don't know what those who learn from you will do with that knowledge.” After a short pause, I then ask, “Or do you? You once said your mind now exists outside of linear time. Perhaps it always has.”

“I could reflect that question right back at you,” Auzmeir observes. “Say you do share the knowledge of this journey to the new continent. How would you know what your readers would do with that knowledge? Does such prospects always haunt you as you write? Or do you just feel a natural inclination to share what you know?”

“Why ask questions you already know the answer to?” I evenly reflect.

“The answer to that question is simple,” he says then flicks a point at me with a single talon. “To get you to think about the answer as well. The purpose of a teacher is to teach. I fulfill my role as a servant in this universe by enlightening my students. You cannot imagine how much pleasure it is for me to do that, but perhaps you can feel that truth when you pause in silence and just listen to your heart. To confirm the thought that just crossed your mind right now, I am communicating to you on multiple levels. There is the virtual verbal communication we have in this simulated environment, but I'm also communicating to you telepathically and empathically.” He raises a talon upwards which pauses at various levels. During that time he holds his talon level to the ground. “When I teach, I do so with the intention for my students to learn across multiple levels of their being. That way they can gain greater value of the lesson. A richer sense of understanding.”

“But why?” I ask. “Why do all of this?”

“As I said before, it is my pleasure to serve in this capacity. One I do completely of my own free will,” he answers. “There are other levels to that answer too, but some of that requires a higher level of understanding of the universe and the ties we have to each other.” He waves at me as he adds, “For now, just know that a non-linear perspective of time affords me a wider perspective of the universe. Wide enough to know the cascade ripple effects the knowledge I share causes. Overall, it leads to higher evolution of all sentient life. Once that happens, we can all share in greater levels of wisdom, understanding, harmony, and happiness.”

I wince as I mention, “But that didn't seem to happen to this society I'm currently at. The Silurians have grown so afraid of the technology they once mastered because of the harm it once caused, and the ones who continue to use it also do so for abusive purposes.” I wave a hoof in a small circle. “If all of this is an extension of the knowledge you shared, how is all of this leading up to harmony and happiness? It seems to me current circumstances spell the opposite of that.”

The book he was reading a moment ago mysteriously floats away when he lets it go. The way it does so reminds me of unicorn telekinesis except I don't see a magical aura around the book as it flies away, nor the magical tingle sound. It just floats away as if gravity has changed for that object alone.

Auzmeir also folds his talons in front of his white feathered beard. He seems to give me a brief appraising look before he says, “To answer your question, try to imagine a society in total peace and happiness but not from the perspective of a higher dimension. A time and era that is so good, there is no motivation to change. When everything feels perfect, or at least good enough to be content, there is no motivation to explore. 'Why change that which works' was a famous adage of an old bygone age. There are important lessons that can be garnered from such an age, especially with a guide like me who has diligent students who are willing to learn.” He shakes his head. “But such eras can only propel beings so far. Eventually there comes a 'time' when evolving beings stagnate if they lack the proper motivation to move outside of their comfort zones. Why risk that when they can just settle in paradise instead? But the underlying principle of this world, and many others like it, is to facilitate eventual growth to a higher state of evolution and that requires change.”

Auzmeir lifts one talon that has his pointing and thumb talon touching as he adds, “In a dream realm like the physical plane, it need not be a nightmare to facilitate growth. After all, there are many lessons one can learn here and some of them isn't as scary and stressful as others. One aspect that is required for growth, however, is a challenge to some degree. One needs to broaden their horizons of understanding and consciousness before higher perspectives can be achieved. It's just like when you fly high into the sky,” he says with an upward point, “and look down upon the world below you. From a bird's-eye perspective, it affords you a broader look at the terrain around you.” He shakes his head. “But that never would have happened if you lack the motive to take off into the sky in the first place, and that is just the first step. Even if you did have the motive, you also need the knowledge and experience on how to flap your wings to achieve stable lift. You recall that you didn't master those lessons in a day. Higher evolutionary enlightenment is the same way.”

I widen my eyes as I ask, “Wait a minute. If you really do have a non-linear perspective of time than that includes the future.”

As if to confirm my theory, Auzmier merely nods this time.

I point to him as I say, “That would also mean you foresaw the trouble this society would endure. You also foresaw that some of them would threaten you and turn you into stone. If you saw that coming, why didn't you try to avoid it? Why didn't you guide those who learned from you to avoid this path of ruin?”

“First of all,” Auzmeir begins, “everyone who learns from me has a will of their own. Included with that are some who may have fears or ambition. In their eyes, the fact I am willing to equally share my knowledge without cost was a threat to their plans, so they decided I needed a time out.

“Secondly, my wider perspective also affords me an understanding of why this catalyst is necessary for eventual positive change and growth.”

He gestures to me with his entire left talon as he says, “If you have a 'villain' in front of you, as you would define the term, then there can be incentive to take the opposite role just to attain a perceived sense of equilibrium.”

He folds his talons in front of him again.

“That isn't necessary,” he goes on to lecture. “You have free will every step of your journey so it is ultimately up to you to decide your fate. That decision is guided by what is in front of you and what you've learned through that journey. If a given role doesn't seem necessary then it might not even occur to you to take it.” He nods outwardly. “But the role some of the Naga play make other roles seem especially urgent. That, in turn, is a catalyst for change and with change comes growth.”

He tilts his head as he says, “Wise guidance can come in many forms, my dear. Sometimes the best thing for soul growth to occur is for guides to say nothing. After all, over reliance on a guide breeds stagnation. Why venture out and discover your own answers when some all-knowing being can just give you easy answers instead?

“But, on the other talon,” he opens his left talon, “a complete lack of guidance can cause souls to get totally lost. If they dwell in that state for too long, they may give up exploration altogether because they've grown accustomed to all efforts to explore ending in vain. If they just give up and plop down on the spot they are on while convinced all efforts to explore is futile, then it results in it's own form of stagnation but this time in a negative direction. Pure depression and bitterness keeps them rooted in that one spot.

“That is when guidance from a higher power is most needed. One who comes in one form or another and encourages, 'Please don't give up! Take my talon. I'll lift you up and guide you through the darkness. There is still so much to explore. So much you can accomplish. If you'll allow me,” he says with so much emphasis that he pauses there for a few seconds before proceeding, “then I'll show you how to take the next step, and the next, and the next and so on until you finally get the confidence you need to proceed on your own.”

Auzmeir leans back in his seat as he goes on to lecture, “What loving parent wouldn't want their offspring to be strong? To nurture and guide the next generation towards the widest possible opportunities for growth?” He gestures to himself. “This world exist for our own personal growth too. Never forget that, but it is also important that we pass on that knowledge because we share this world with other beings as well. In them, we see a part of ourselves and that is key.” He lifts his pointing talon. “Because it is true. They are us and we are them. We're all connected so sharing knowledge is simply sharing and strengthening other aspects of ourselves.”

“That sounds esoteric,” I remark before I fully realize it.

Auzmier gestures to me as he says, “You are free to believe whatever you wish. Only accept whatever knowledge I share that resonates with you and discard the rest. Any truly wise and compassionate teacher would always say the same thing.”

I lift a hoof to encourage silence for a moment because I feel I need a bit of time to pause and digest what was said so far. I also need that time to decide what I'll say or ask next. Patiently, Auzmeir does indeed wait. During this time I close my eyes and bow my head as I process this.

“So, um . . . if you can see the future and everything else as well, that includes this meeting,” I realize aloud after about a minute pause. I open my eyes and look back at him. “That likely also means you foresee the results of this meeting and that is why you are communicating with me and . . .” I tilt my head at him curiously. “Are you communicating with Doctor Smith and Tanon Burrows too?”

“Yes I am,” Auzmeir confirms with a nod. “I am communicating with both of them in their own dedicated virtual realms designed for each of them separately, and I'm communicating to you all at the same time.”

“Ah . . . neat,” I say with a blank blink then shake my head. “Anyway, my point is, I think this conversation we're having right now also has a point. Furthermore I'm guessing that it has something to do with our current crisis.”

“That is up to you,” Auzmier reflects. “I may be aware of what you will decide because, in my perspective, whatever you will do is something you are doing right now.” He shakes his head as he adds, “Regardless of that, I won't tell you what you will decide and thus take that decision away from you because that infringes upon your free will which, in turn, slows soul growth. There are other consequences to that as well but I won't get into that right now.”

I blink at him again as I think about what he just said before I reply, “Okay, but surely you are aware what ripple affects your lessons will provoke in me.”

Auzmier nods as he says, “That is accurate. Yes.”

“Which is the true point of this conversation,” I realize as I gaze outwardly blankly.

“Once again, I remind you what you are doing and will do is up to you,” Auzmier says again. “I'm just providing you with new tools. You choose how you wield them.”

“Are the others alive?” I ask sharply as I snap my gaze back at him. “The others that have been captured?”

“Yes,” Azumeir answers before adding, “though I caution you with the knowledge that those who currently detain them eventually plan to change that status.”

“The Naga are going to kill them?” I ask in alarm. “Sacrifice them for some nefarious end?”

“Not all the Naga are willing participants of such a deed,” Azmeir reminds. “You met some of them earlier.” He nods. “That said, some of them do have that intention.”

I close my eyes and rest my head on the back of this seat as I say after a brief sigh of relief, “To tell you the truth, I am very relieved to have learned that today. That some of the Naga are innocent, that is.” I open my eyes and look back at him. “Earlier I was very uncomfortable with the idea that an entire race is inherently evil. Something about that didn't sit right with me.”

Auzmeir nods in agreement then says, “There are actually multiple parts of you that felt that way. Part of it was moral hope, but another part of it is a deeper aspect of yourself that always senses the truth of things. Your own internal compass.

“Before I resume on that subject, may I have your permission to share something new that relates to your own inherit qualities?”

My curiosity piqued, I tell him invitingly, “Sure. Go ahead.”

Auzmeir lifts a talon and a piece of paper from the nearby coffee table floats above that upwardly pointing talon. On the paper is the image of my cutie mark.

“Now this is a very remarkable trait of your species which has me quite fascinated,” Auzmeir says in delight. “In truth, all souls, no matter their form and mission in life, have something like this buried inside them. The interesting thing about ponies, however, is that they eventually wear an outward manifestation of their soul's mission in life. Case in point,” he flicks a point at the image on the floating paper again. “A pony gains a cutie mark when they reach a certain threshold and discover something deeply intrinsic about themselves. It is a sign, reminder and trophy of the accomplishment of that realization which is very often accompanied by an explosive thrill at that discovery. What comes next often varies.” The paper floats gently to his lap and he folds his talons over it. “Some continue to try to explore that inwardly discovered talent while others rest on their laurels. The unfortunate latter say to themselves, 'I did it. I discovered my cutie mark so I don't need to continue my inward journey. I'm done!”

Auzmier shakes his head as he chuckles in amusement.

“That's the thing about inward discovery though,” Auzmier goes on. “It varies for each individual. There is a lot that can be learned from failure. Often even more so than success. Detouring off ones personal soul mission still has value, for the . . . Hmm. I won't say 'wrong' path, but different than intended could be more apt.

“Anyway,” the paper floats above his right shoulder and he resumes pointing up at it as he says, “In your case, I encourage you to look beyond the surface of such an image. You can take the literal translation of this image and that is fine because it is true, but to fully grasp ones potential such as this one requires a more subjective view. What we have here is an image of a tool. A tool that can help a trained user decipher which way is true north barring any external misdirection, for other things can be magnetic too and temporarily exude a stronger influence over a tool like this.”

When he gives a brief pause to allow me a chance to digest what he said so far, I nod at him as I prod, “Please continue. I'm deeply intrigued to hear and see what else you have to teach me about this.”

“Once again, I encourage you to be willing to look upon an image like this with a more subjective view,” Azumeir encourages. “That requires imagination and outside-the-box thinking while at the same time acknowledging the literal translation as well. So we know you have the cutie mark of a compass and that tool can be used for navigation. Ergo, you chose a profession as a map maker because you were convinced that is what your cutie mark signaled as your destiny.” He then points at me with both pointing talons as he says, “Let's address that point for just a moment. I know you are early in your career relative to your perception in your timeline, but so far . . . are you happy with the path you chose?”

I hesitate to answer long enough to surprise even myself. I didn't used to question it, but since a being this advanced has asked me, I decide to reflect on that point again and take a deeper examination of the answer.

After a few minutes of silence, I answer, “Honestly, not as much as I thought but . . . yeah. I do enjoy this path and I sense a lot of potential in it. That feeling stems from the fact that I like to have some guidance in my life and I sincerely believe I'm not the only one. Making maps isn't just for my own sake but for others as well. As I said before, I like to share knowledge, especially when I regard it as important.”

“Ah!” Auzmeir lifts a talon in triumph. “Now that is a keyword there. You value guidance.”

“Uh . . . yeah,” I say with a squint since I'm not totally sure where he's going with this point.

“You don't wish to be lost,” Auzmeir continues as he folds his talons in front of him again as he passes me a shrewd look. “At the same time you value exploration, but only if you can mitigate the chances of being lost. Hence your cutie mark and the profession you decided to follow.”

“Yeah,” I confirm again while continuing to study him, sensing he's not finished with his point.

Auzmier unfolds his right talon at me and gives me a brief wave before folding that talon with his left again as he says, “Take a moment to pause and reflect on your feelings at this very moment. What is it telling you?”

“That you're about to make an important point about my potential,” I answer instantly. “That also implies that I haven't been using my potential to its fullest.”

“Go on,” he bids.

I take longer to reflect on this issue this time. Doing so eventually causes me to realize, “I sense the truth sometimes, and when I do, those feelings are naggingly persistent.”

“Ah!” Auzmier declares with triumph again. “You sense the truth, eh?” He narrows his eyes smugly as he says, “It's almost as if you have an internal compass.”

I widen my eyes at him in realization.

“I encourage you to pay attention to your instincts,” Auzmier encourages. “For within you is your own built-in guidance system.” He shakes his head. “In the long run, you don't need beings like me to guide you, though we will continue to serve you in whatever capacity we can to the best of our ability anyway. You are never alone.” He nods at me. “But that said, it is my hope that you more fully realize and utilize the deeper aspects of your potential. A compass points to true north. An internal compass does the same. By knowing which way is true north, you also learn which way is east, west, south, and everywhere in between. These answers, this tool, always rests inside of you whenever you choose to use it and sometimes even when you don't choose to use it if the information it is trying to share is important enough.

“I lovingly encourage you to pay attention to this tool! If it is telling you to wait and not walk through a certain door, it might be because there is danger beyond that threshold that you cannot currently endure in your linear timeline. For multiple reasons that may change later. The threat might get weaker while you could grow stronger, but when the compass insists that you should not cross the barrier in that particular moment, pay heed to it. It's important to your destiny for you to more fully realize the deeper aspects of your potential. You want guidance? You got it! As such, you can also be a guide for others if you wish.”

His last sentence powerfully resonated with me, especially now. Doctor Smith, Tanon and I are about to venture into very dangerous territory. I feel very nervous to do so, but it would help if I had some trusted guidance along the way. That, in turn, would help boost my confidence. Moreover, if I have access to such guidance then I can increase the odds of success and chances of survival of my companions and those we plan to rescue.

“There's something I've been thinking about lately,” I muse aloud. “I grew up in a cloistered environment for the most part. For the longest time, my greatest option in terms of freedom of exploration lies in books. That wasn't entirely fulfilling at first, but I eventually grew to enjoy it. In fact I'm very passionate about it now. So much so that I'm even willing to become a writer myself in order to add knowledge back to Equestria. In my eyes, it is a way for me to give back to a society that gave so much to me.”

I look back at him as I go on to say, “But lately I've begun to wonder if I have misidentified my destiny after all. I used to think I had no potential as a full-fledged adventurer until I went on this journey. I convinced myself, before I even started, that this would be a one time thing. That I'd make my mark in the world with my maps of this journey and perhaps publish a book based on my diary, but that's about it. Adventure is done and I should go back to the library and scribes desk where my parents told me I belong.

“But lately, as this journey continued, I've gained a much deeper understanding of not only what it means to be an adventurer, but also a hero, or lack thereof. In this niche, I keep seeing unfulfilled potential that needs to be fulfilled by somepony. Is there an important reason I keep noticing that? Is the mere fact I noticed it a sign that I am meant to fulfill that role?

“Then there is the fact that others on this journey, and more than one pony at that, said I had a knack for this. Furthermore, I have an ancestral tie to this profession as well. My grandfather was a great explorer and wonderful adventurer. He contributed to the knowledge of Equestria left and right and he did it the hard way, but somepony has got to do it. These things are very important.

“So I've been wondering . . . am I meant to continue the path I had before the start of this journey? Or is everything I've been through a sign that a change of career is in order?”

At that moment, my internal compass, which I more fully realized is there recently, told me that he'd tell me to check my internal compass for that answer. I stared at him while I waited for him to do precisely that, but instead he just grew a slow smile because he read my mind and he knows that I know he read my mind. As a result, it became unnecessary for him to outwardly verbalize that. He can just wait for me to fulfill that request.

So I do. I take a moment to reflect on it. When I do, I grow confused when I realize the compass seems to be pointing in both directions. Both as a writer and as an adventurer. If both is equally true, which path should I take? Which one is more important to my destiny?

“I could use some advise,” I say as I return my attention to him. “My compass is saying both paths are equally valid, so how do I determine which one is more important?”

Auzmier briefly points at me as he says, “To answer that question, I ask another. Why is it important to choose one over another? Why can't it be both?”

Once again I widen my eyes as another epiphany dawns on me.

“An explorer, like you, enjoys the thrill of discovery,” Auzmier continues. “As you do so, I encourage you to keep an open mind about your options in life. You don't necessarily have to deadlock yourself on one path. You can and that's fine, but ultimately this is your personal journey and you choose its course. Even if you do settle on just one option, you can later change it as your life continues.”

Auzmeir whirls his pointing talon as he says, “Life is changing all the time, my dear. It's important to be willing to adapt with it. What works in one moment might not work in another. I encourage you not to choose stagnation. Instead, just keep on exploring and keep checking your internal compass as you continue your journey.

“Guidance is ever within you, my dear. You are a very special pony who is on a very special journey. Let it be wonderful and magical. Let it feel meaningful and important. The Book of Life is open to you, and you are the author of your own story. Let no other, even if they are well-meaning, choose it for you. Suggestions are fine, but as an explorer of life, it is ultimately you that sets the course of your flight.”

I return my gaze to the floor as I think and feel deeply about what he said. After awhile I gaze back up at him then give him a nod and a grateful smile.