Stuck in Equestria

by Gaming_Knight

The Assassins Apartment (edited)

I walked up the three flights of stairs, down the hall, and to the room Sharp had stopped by.

"Here we are! My humble abode..." she announced.

She pushed the door open with the tip of her crossbow and stepped inside. I stood outside and drew the Colt revolver from the holster inside my jacket—the revolver Williams had given me. "For luck, may it serve you well." I armed the revolver and followed Sharp Shooter inside.

The apartment was nothing too impressive... It was your standard living quarters with a small living area, a kitchen, two separate rooms, a bathroom, and a bedroom. However, this one had a balcony. I moved over to the balcony, pushed the door open, surveyed the area for potential threats lurking in the many dark corners, and then, satisfied, I announced, "Clear!" (an old habit) before closing the door.

I turned again to find Sharp Shooter on the couch, setting her crossbow on a small table.

"What's that?" she asked, gesturing to the gun at my side.

"It's kind of like your crossbow but louder and more deadly."

Her eyebrows shot up at this. "Sweet." Sharp admired.

I put the Colt back in its holster and grabbed my luggage from outside. One item was an ebony black case, long and slick. I opened both latches and then the case. I smirked at what lay inside. The black SKS Rifle lay slightly disassembled just as I left it.

I lifted it out of the case and put the scope and stand on, then cocked it back, loading a fresh magazine. I leveled it at a crudely made target on the wall. I took a breath, lined up my shot, and pulled.

The bang of the rifle shook everything on the walls while the bullet went through the target and then the outside wall. Sharp Shooter was staring at me, stars in her eyes. I grinned back at her and set the SKS down.

"That was the power of American Firearms."

"That was so loud but so awesome!" she exclaimed.

"Well, I didn't have the silencer on, so it would have been quieter, but it kills the bullet punch," I said with a shrug.

"How many of those do you have?"

"Just the two. The Colt and the SKS." I lied. I was not about to tell her about the extra sidearm in my suitcase. I glanced out the window at the setting sun. "So, you want me to sleep on the couch or..." I trailed off and I watched her saunter off into the bedroom.

"You know, I don't mind if you sleep with me," she said in a tone that made me uncomfortable.

"I really don't think..." My reply was cut short as her horn lit up, and her magic grabbed me. Welp, I guess this is happening... I thought to myself as she pulled me into the bedroom. She set me down and went to the bathroom, and I stripped off my Jacket, leaving a plain white tee and some faded jeans. Sharp Shooter came back and settled into bed. I took a moment to sit on the edge of the bed. I removed the black glove on my right hand, watching the fading sunlight reflect on the silvery metal that made up my appendage. I clenched my hand into a fist and then put the glove back on. I turned to Sharp Shooter, who lay facing me with one eye cracked open, which she closed when I looked over. I climbed into bed and turned away from her.

"Good night, James."

"Good night, Sharps."

"Sharps? Pet names so soon?"

"It's just easier to say than your full name."

"Alright, whatever you say, James."

With that, I shut my eyes and soon after drifted off.

Comments

[Majestic_Donut]

11545411
Hello! Are you still looking for an editor? I can’t guarantee I’ll be very quick about it, but I will be accurate and the story will be better than it was before 😊 (I still have a life and a job as well as finals I’m studying for, but mostly work life will take up a lot of my time since I’m very passionate about it 😁)

[Gaming_Knight]

YES! Thank you. I totally understand the job and everything. I will greatly appreciate your help
Thanks again.
-Knight

[Majestic_Donut]

11576713
Dang, not sure how I missed this reply (guess I missed it in my notifications) but glad to help! I decided to read chapter one to see what I had to work with (and the chapters are super short, so editing will be easy enough) and, sorry/no offense but… I didn’t read past the first sentence before downloading the text and copying it to my notes app for editing 😂😅 From what I’ve read so far (4ish sentences) you have an issue with being able to write sentences that make sense, are properly structured, and they tend to be run on sentences. It’s not the worst grammar I’ve seen (thank Faust), but it definitely needs help and I’m glad you’ve asked for it! One thing I need to note however (and should have thought about before I even offered to edit) is that I specialize in humor/comedy fanfics and write in a manner that is brief and to the point.

What this means is that if you are looking for an editor to help add meat to your stories, I am not your person (especially if you need more meat/description/fluff for the gore scenes, which are a complete opposite to comedy fics 😅). However, if someone’s story has received repeated criticism for the overuse of purple prose (look it up in FimFiction) or being too wordy, I can help there.

My skills (advantages):

- Grammar correction (capitalization, punctuation, sentence structure, etc.)
- Spicing up stagnant or stiff stories (with humor or other such methods of creative writing and vocabulary)
- Fixing purple prose or excessive wordiness/fluff

Weaknesses:

- Can’t ADD fluff or scenery to a story well (world building so to speak)
- I may struggle with balancing negative moods like dark, gore, violence, self-harm, etc. because those are very distant from my style/genre of writing.

Side note, 1) I will not edit stories rated M no matter the genre (not that this will affect you, this story is rated T, but still) and 2) I can only edit short chapters and stories (chapters around or less than 3k words and stories around 10-15k words or shorter are ideal for me. If you ONLY need grammar fixes, the stories can be longer, but not the chapters.)

Oof this is long… main point, you’ll need a separate editor to help you with descriptions/world building/slowing down the story (I also write kind of fast-paced, but that works for comedy fics). As far as this story goes, I can only really help with grammar and sentence structure. Sorry 😞