After recovering from Coco's sudden outburst, Rarity asked her what the 12 Zodiac signs were. "Ooh, I know that!" As Coco listed off all 12, her hair and skin slowly became the exact same shade of purple as Twilight! "Eeee! Ask me another~!"
This is telling not showing...
You can make that work, don't get me wrong, but this isn't one of those times. It would work if you were skipping to the good parts but this is actually part of the plot; a good emotional moment squandered. This is reading like a second or third draft. This could use one more round...
I do like how CoCo could get mad. It shows that they are not too far gone and that our Pov character is not as black hearted as previously written.
The site has built in Break Lines that you can use without having to type that in a hundred times.
Like that. Just [ hr ] without the spaces.
This is telling not showing...
You can make that work, don't get me wrong, but this isn't one of those times. It would work if you were skipping to the good parts but this is actually part of the plot; a good emotional moment squandered. This is reading like a second or third draft. This could use one more round...
I do like how CoCo could get mad. It shows that they are not too far gone and that our Pov character is not as black hearted as previously written.