Any feedback is appreciated, but please be gentle^^.
Safe word is; Cherry Pop Gum!
So right off the bat we appear to have a run on sentence. Not a deal breaker by any means; besides that one instance I can't find anything wrong. Which doesn't mean there is nothing, just that nothing has been wrong enough to break immersion.
And second... I really think the text colors is a little much. In night time mode the... purple? Burgandy? Is really hard to read. I have already switched to daytime just to not squint.
The following day, David and Mistress had just finished a solid session of Halo, the irony of Coco overseeing the gameplay not lost on either of them. David looked curiously at Mistress as she led him deeper into her base...
So... does he know about the bimbos being bimbos? The plot of the previous chapter was about getting X rated stuff out of sight... presumably so David wouldn't know that he was going to be turned into... a Dee? Making him Pinkie might be an odd choice as it seems she wants someone to talk to. Shouldn't be too hard; she just has to tone down the ditsy as the memories seem to be stripped (as established with the businessman) from the other bimbos.
An interesting story… Maybe add this to the TG group on this site?
Safe word is; Cherry Pop Gum!
So right off the bat we appear to have a run on sentence. Not a deal breaker by any means; besides that one instance I can't find anything wrong. Which doesn't mean there is nothing, just that nothing has been wrong enough to break immersion.
And second... I really think the text colors is a little much. In night time mode the... purple? Burgandy? Is really hard to read. I have already switched to daytime just to not squint.
So... does he know about the bimbos being bimbos? The plot of the previous chapter was about getting X rated stuff out of sight... presumably so David wouldn't know that he was going to be turned into... a Dee? Making him Pinkie might be an odd choice as it seems she wants someone to talk to. Shouldn't be too hard; she just has to tone down the ditsy as the memories seem to be stripped (as established with the businessman) from the other bimbos.