Short Bits and Withers

by Andrew Joshua Talon

Other Senseis - Surprise

Author's Note:

This is an excerpt from a Naruto series I worked on. Basically, Kishimoto (the writer of Naruto) wanted to do some mini-arcs after the famous Wave Arc to develop the characters of the other genin in Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura's year. But he was made to go right into the Chuunin Exams. So the premise here is that Kakashi, Team 7's sensei, is sick and so our ninjas get substitute senseis.

In this case? Ponies! Who are ninjas. PONY NINJAS!

Just read through the first bit and then you'll get to the Pony part.

Kakashi was stumbling around Konoha's hospital, eye wide, feverish and sick. He spotted a nurse who stared back in shock.

"Did I bang you, Colorful Spaghetti Monster?" He asked. "Well, have a nice dream about it!"

The nurse fell to a genjutsu that was... Deeply disturbing but she refused to let anyone break her out of it. Kakashi continued on his way, coughing against his mask.

"Ugggghhh... Need... Water... For Naruto's garden... Forgot... To water..." He mumbled.

"Code S! CODE S!" A Doctor bellowed.

A moment later, a tall man with brown hair, a green T-shirt, and orangish slacks appeared in front of Kakashi. Kakashi's eyes widened in disbelief.

"HAMBURGER MONSTERS!" He bellowed.

The tall man vanished... And reappeared right behind Kakashi. The Copy Nin fell, but the tall man caught him gently. He held him over to some nurses, who took him gratefully.

"Like, no sweat," he said, "I've had that nightmare too..."

- - -

"So..." Naruto broke the stillness of the morning air with his usual tact, "who do you think we're gonna get today? Vampire?"

"Stupid," Sakura snorted, "there's no such thing!"

"Vampire would be pretty cool, right Sasuke?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke grunted.

"Weak against sunlight. No thanks."

"He might be like, a super vampire who's immune to sunlight," Naruto argued.

"We'd have to be vampires to gain his powers," Sasuke said.

"Oh yeah, that would suck," Naruto agreed.

Sakura gaped in disbelief.

"Why are you... How can you discuss things like this so easily, Sasuke-kun?!"

"We're guys, it's what we do," Naruto said cheerfully, "and Sasuke is a guy! Took him long enough to prove it!"

"Least I have proved it, dumbass," Sasuke snorted.

"Asshole!" Naruto shot back playfully.

"Ugggghhh...!" Sakura growled. She turned... And immediately bumped into a broad, well built chest underneath a green shirt. She looked up in disbelief. "Ah...?!"

"Like, chill out, little missy!" The man chuckled in accented Japanese. He rummaged around in a bag, and handed over a flatbread wrap. "Here. You should eat a good breakfast burrito! Made it myself! Most important meal of the day!"

"Reah," A huge brown nin-dog added next to him, "rost rimportant real rof ruh ray!"

Naruto and Sasuke turned, and both got breakfast burritos.

"Er... Hello," Sakura said, "I'm Haruno Sakura." She bowed, remembering her manners.

"Uzumaki Naruto!" Naruto grinned, bowing... After Sakura glared at him. Sasuke bowed too.

"Uchiha Sasuke," he said.

"And I'm Rogers Norville," the tall man said, "but you can call me Shaggy-sensei! And this is Scooby Doo! And I'm gonna be training you!"

"In what, cooking?" Naruto asked.

Shaggy-Sensei grinned, his eyes shining with power.

"Like, among other things, yes..."

- - -

Naruto was a fan of tough training. He loved it! And being taken seriously, he liked that too! All things Shaggy-sensei had done.

But alas, his time was up. Shaggy-sensei had to get back to his job.

So, feeling a bit depressed, Naruto nevertheless made his way to the Team 7 meeting spot on Monday morning, his hands in his pockets.

Sasuke and Sakura were both there. Sakura sighed, still stretching, while Sasuke was sitting stoically.

"Hey," he greeted them.

"Hn," Sasuke grunted.

"Hey Naruto," Sakura sighed. "Geez... Who do you think we'll get this time? Because our last sensei was... Rough."

"What do you mean rough?!" Naruto demanded. "He was awesome! He fed us, and then he fought us! It was so cool!"

"He was much more involved than Kakashi-sensei was," Sasuke observed quietly.

"YEAH!" Naruto cheered. "Come on Sakura-chan! You have to admit, it was nice!"

"Maybe a little," Sakura admitted, "he did actually... Ya know... Teach us... But still! All that running!"

"Running's good for you!" Naruto insisted. "It'll make your legs look great!"

"Pervert!" Sakura growled, throwing a punch... Which Naruto dodged. "AH! HEY!"

"I was listening to Shaggy-sensei!" Naruto laughed. Sakura growled and threw a few more punches, which Naruto dodged easily. Sakura finally just punched the ground, and Naruto tripped and fell back from the crater it formed.

"HA! So was I!" Sakura taunted.

"Wow! Neat!" Naruto said, genuinely enthused.

"Nice of you to finally become useful," Sasuke added. Sakura flushed, and looked down at the ground.

"Er... Thank you, Sasuke-kun," Sakura admitted in a soft voice.

Naruto glared at Sasuke.

"Hey! Are you blushing?!"

"No!" Sasuke said, far too quickly.

Just before a pie slapped into his face. Naruto's jaw dropped. Sakura gaped.

"What in the-?!"

Another pie zipped into Naruto's face, and a third smacked Sakura, nearly taking her off her feet. All three ninja pulled the pies off, Naruto licking his.

"Mmm... Strawberry?"

"CORRECT!" A woman with wild, bubbly pink hair in a pink balaclava and suit appeared in a flash of pink smoke. She pulled off her balaclava and beamed.

"Hi! I'm Pie Pinkamenia Diane! But you can call me Pinkie-sensei!"

"Pies?" Sasuke asked, holding back a snort. Pinkie nodded.

"Uh huh! Laced with poison!"

"POISON?!" Naruto and Sakura shrieked, while Sasuke's eyes bugged out in alarm. Naruto immediately dove into the stream below their bridge, washing out his mouth. Sakura went to her antipoison kit in her pouch, as did Sasuke. Pinkie laughed, and shook her head.

"No no no! I mean, they could have been! But they weren't!"

"Oh," Naruto mumbled, a bit embarrassed, as he climbed back up to the bridge. Sasuke and Sakura calmed down, now facing the pink-clad woman with new respect. Pinkie grinned and winked.

"Buuut, that's the ninja way! All warfare is deception! If your enemy is expecting you to do something, do something they'd never expect! Be the unexpected! Ergo... Pies!"

She held up a large metal tube.

"Out of a rocket launcher! They'll never see it coming! But first!"

She immediately hugged Naruto, then Sasuke, then Sakura.

"We need to bond as a team! So we'll be having a 'Team Bonding Party!' GUMMY!"

A gigantic alligator emerged from a poof of pink smoke, and opened its mouth. It spat out several seal scrolls, which Pinkie took and opened up. A pile of gifts, a table of food and drinks, and a surprised looking DJ appeared in clouds of smoke. Pinkie beamed and winked.

"How...?" Sakura managed.

"You'd be amazed at how useful seals are!" Pinkie said cheerfully. "And the invitees should be here... Nnnnnow!"

Another cloud of smoke, and all of Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke's classmates and friends appeared, all quite confused. Pinkie bounced up to them as the DJ shrugged and began playing music. Sasuke blinked.

"I'm beginning to understand your hesitation, Sakura," Sasuke muttered to the pink haired girl.

"I told you," Sakura muttered back, "we gotta talk to the Hokage about these substitutes-NARUTO!"

Naruto turned back, already eating cake.

"What? I'm not letting it go to waste! Besides... I've never had a party before."

Pinkie-sensei was by his side in an instant, her eyes wide as she gasped loudly.

"NEVER HAD A PARTY BEFORE?!" Pinkie hugged him. "DON'T WORRY! I'LL TEACH YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW!"

She dragged Naruto off, and paired him up with Hinata to dance... Which Naruto did, but Hinata promptly fainted. Pinkie shook her head and snapped her fingers.

"So many people don't know how to party! But don't worry! I, your amazing sensei, will teach you EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW!"

Comments

[GhostCreator]

Run! Pinkie is coming!
At the very least they would be undefeated after she is done with them.

[GhostCreator]

I love stories with characters turned into foals. Especially Harry turned into a colt and was adopted by the princess.
If I understand correctly Harry was adopted by Celestia?

[GhostCreator]

Don't forget to add this to groups!

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

11413976
Yes, he was.

[GhostCreator]

11413981
Um, how many siblings he has?

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

11413986
Spike is like his little brother, Twilight he calls his aunt but she's more like a big sister, as is Cadance.

[GhostCreator]

11413987
Nice.
Wait...
Aunt? Sister?
Did Celestia adopt Twilight? Or Twilight married Luna?

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

11413991
He just calls them that, to be polite. And they found it cute so they don't tell him to change it.

[GhostCreator]

11413992
oohhhhhhh
That's cute!

[GhostCreator]

Any way to make one of the stories here into a separated book?

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

11414001
Sure. Just find a writer to take them up, or take them up yourself!

[GhostCreator]

11414005
Well, I will see what I can do...

[B_Munro]

Overpowered Shaggy. Heh.

IIRC, seals could do pretty much whatever the plot required. So, ideal for Pinkie-Sensei.