Why am I Angel Bunny?!

by Wiggidy

The Deepest of Shit

When people do things, they also do other things because of that thing that they did, and then people are like "Yeah, that's cool. Good on that thing." I am not one of those things. I mean people. Not those people. I'm the not of that. Which explains why I'm sitting in the Royal Phoenix Cage, hogtied and getting pecked by some feathered little bitch until I crack and say what I had to do with the sweet delicious life nectar of alcoholism at that party where Pinkie got arrested. I won't tell them shit, but I'll run over the details of how I got here so you guys won't complain about "plot holes" and whatever.

--_----_----_----_----_--

At that moment, I looked up in the sky. A tiny black speck, with a rainbow trail following behind it... If Blue Horse is shitting out rainbows like that, that means she couldn't bust Pinkie out the preferred way, so she's resorting to the Sonic ShitBoom...

Oh shit!

Suddenly, Blue Horse veered around and rocketed towards the Police Station, picking up speed and eventually pulling a Sonic ShitBoom before smashing into the side of the building and punching a hole into it like it was made out of soggy rice paper. Naturally, the resulting debris flew out in chunks in random directions. My natural speed and agility in the tiny fuzzy rabbit body I had allowed me to zoom off under the wagon I was hiding under before I had started my amazing song and dance routine. The guards are bigger and stupider and way more lame than I am, so they got the shit beat out of them when they got hit with the rubble that flew their way. Idiots.

Once the dust settled and I made sure that the morons watching the place were out for the count, I ran up to the giant hole in the wall. "Blue Fast? Pinkie? Are you alive? Are you dead?" I called out. "Those stupid douchenipples are out, so it's time to leave!" Blue Horse walked out with Pinkie in tow.
"Captain! The mission was a suc-fucking-cess!" Lesbian Dash reported as Pinkie dangled off of her butt buddy's back.
"I knew I could do it! God, everyone here would be fucking miserable without me!" I noted. "Jesus I'm so amazing!"

A stern voice rang out in the middle of the cloud of dust that hadn't settled yet. "So you would think, my small and big-eared friend..."
Ah fuck. I knew who that was. That was a pony that I really didn't want to tango with, especially right now. "I don't know how you were planning to leave, but your schedule's been changed. Let Pinkie go, and we'll have a nice long chat about what's happened over a warm cup of tea, okay?" I didn't even need to wait for the dust to clear out to know who it was. Of course Socially Retarded Pony would rain on my awesomeness parade.

"No dice, purple nerd!" I shouted. "You didn't think I would actually trust that waste of life you call an assistant, did you?! I knew he would come running to you so you could piss all over my plans!" I hopped over to Rain Blowsguys and handed her Plan B. "Looks like all your books only got you so far, dork!" I said as Liability Dash downed the Rainbow Fuckstorm Pepper. "You forgot one very important thing though: BOOKS ARE FOR NERDS!" With that, Blueness screamed and shot upward, I grabbed onto a hoof and we careened straight up into the sky, leaving the blubbering pile of social awkwardness behind.

I'm so much better than all these moronic ponies I should just makeout with myself.

"Okay, remember the plan! Just head over to your clouds and crash there!" I shouted. The blue case of accidental workplace death didn't reply, and I knew that she was fucked up. Her wings were pumping erratically like an octaplegic spider got hit with a fucking taser, and she was gasping for breath like Big Applehorse had just accidentally dislocated one of her lungs with his incomprehensibly large horse dong. "Blue?!" She still didn't respond. If anything, she seemed to be getting worse. Not only that, she was veering so far off course no living being could possibly be optimistic about where we were going to land. Of course, we were about to crash square into the side of Canterlot Castle. And, of course, I did the only thing I could. I screamed in frustration.

"FFFUUUUCKING COCK ASS!!!!"

Author's Note:

BEHOLD: I am not the ded! Me am do live! Me am do write!\

Comments

[FrostTheWolf]

Wait til Fluttershy hears that and proceeds to wash it out... again

[insertfootinmouth]

Grats on the feature.

[Wiggidy]

7622057 Not sure I'd say that making it to the front page just by issuing an update is worthy of congratulation, but I appreciate it.
Thenk.

[insertfootinmouth]

7622088 Nah, man. You were in the feature box for a bit, under the update section. (bottom three, I think)