• Published 20th Sep 2012
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My Little Fantasy - GuyWhoWritesThings



Unable to accept the failures and lies that make up his life, Cloud Strife is pulled through the green glow of the Lifestream, only to find himself... in Equestria?

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Chapter 04: I... What... How... Pink Is My New Least-Favorite Color.

Chapter 04: I... What... How... Pink Is My New Least-Favorite Color.

I sigh, mentally reeling from my encounter with the pink pony still. She's currently hopping around in a small circle around Twilight, firing questions at her faster than a machine gun.

“Come on come on come on come on Twilight! Introduce us to your new friend already! Who is he? Where's he from? Why's he look so weird? Why's he all down in the dumps? Come oooonnnn Twilight!” Twilight merely reaches out a hoof, somehow grabbing Pinkie and causing her to stop bouncing, the two now nose-to-nose. The pink monster's eyes go wide and an uncomfortable looking grin spreads across her face while Twilight sends an annoyed look back at her. “Weeeeeeell, Twilight?”

“I don't know.” Twilight replies bluntly. I can't help but smirk at that. She shakes her head and turns away, probably realizing how cold her reply was as she sighs. “His name is Cloud. I don't know where he's from. He's a human – whatever that is. And he's probably all 'down in the dumps' because he's got amnesia.”

“Hoo...man?” Pinkie mouths the word slowly. “Wait, Twilight, you don't know what something is? That must mean he's some really rare kind of almost extinct species! Or or or, maybe he's an alien! Or a slider!”

“Pinkie.”

“Oh, sorry! Again! Hehe.” Pinkie scrunches up her brow, reaching a hoof up under her chin in thought. What she's thinking about, I'm not sure I want to know. Ever. “You know what this calls for, Twilight?”

“Pinkie, I don't see how a pa-”

“Not a party, silly! An investigation!” Pinkie runs off for a minute, coming back pushing another chair close to me, sitting in it... somehow... and holding a pad of paper and pencil in either hoof... somehow, wearing a plaid beret and low-rimmed glasses. “So, Mister... Cloud, tell me what you remember!”

“Uhhh.” I look to Twilight, and she merely shakes her head, doing what I can only interpret to be a shrug.

“Come on, you must remember something!” Pinkie says to me, narrowing her eyes.

I don't really have a choice here, do I? Twilight was about to ask me these questions before Pinkie barged in anyway, so it doesn't matter, I guess... “I remember... feeling like I was being dragged, waking up, and seeing your friend there.” I reply, keeping my composure despite how uncomfortable the pink pony makes me and motioning to Fluttershy, who gives a shy smile and waves her hoof slightly as Pinkie checks to see who I mean.

“No, no, no! Before that, silly!”

“Nothing particularly useful.” I reply. It's the truth, really – I used that magic back in the woods, but I don't really know how I did that. I remember a couple things like the floating finger incident, but... nothing remotely substantial. No faces, no names of people or locations, no really important-seeming events, nothing.

Pinkie sighs, thinking. “Asking around Ponyville won't help much. I know every pony in Ponyville, and I've never met anything like you before, so I doubt anyone else has!”

“I get the feeling nopony in all of Equestria has met anything like him, Pinkie.” Twilight says with a sigh before turning to me. “I'm sorry, Cloud, but we've really got no leads to go on here.”

I nod. It's not like I expected any of them to have leads, so I'm not really upset about it. Then again, I'm still not sure what I'm going to do about any of this...

“Um, excuse me?” Fluttershy asks meekly, taking the floor. “Twilight, um, why don't you try writing a letter to Princess Celestia asking if she knows how to help... you know... if you don't think she'll get mad...”

Twilight's expression quickly changes to being dazed for a moment, before she runs over and hugs the pegasus. “You're a genius! Why didn't I think of that? Not only does Cloud need help, but meeting him is a momentous occasion for all of Equestria from the looks of things! Even if the Princess can't help, she'll still want to meet him and... and... Spike!”

“On it, Twi!” The lizard salutes and runs off, quickly coming back with a parchment, quill, and ink. A letter? That'll take weeks, at least...

“Alright, Spike, prepare to write this down!” Twilight says, coughing to clear her throat as her Number One Assistant gets ready to write. Huh. Why doesn't she write her own damn letter? I could understand the other two but I know she can levitate that quill and write perfectly fine on her own. Unless she doesn't actually know how to write... that would be a funny thing. But if you can read as much as she seems to, you'd be able to write, wouldn't you...?

“Dear Princess Celestia,” the letter begins, “I'm sorry I haven't sent you a Friendship Report recently. Sadly, this letter will not be one, either. However, my friends and I have made a... discovery, of sorts, that we believe you'll be very interested in seeing first-hoof. Have you ever heard the word 'human' before, Princess? Apparently, it's a term for some kind of bipedal creature with cognitive abilities similar to a pony. I'd never encountered the word before today, and not only did I get the pleasure of learning a new word, I met one as well! From what I can tell, this is a monumental scientific discovery! The only problem is, he seems to have amnesia, though he is somehow completely fluent in Equestrian. We were all hoping you could shed light on what kind of creature he is, and maybe help us restore his memory! If not... I'm sure you'll, again, want to at least see him first-hoof. Eagerly awaiting your reply. Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.”

A few thoughts come to mind as I listen to her dictate that letter – such as the confirmation that their limbs indeed end in hooves... of some kind. The name Celestia sounds familiar, too... it's the name Fluttershy said when I met her at first instead of 'God', I think. So Equstrians take their sovereign's name in vain instead of their deity's? Huh. Good to know, I guess? I'm tempted to question Twilight Sparkle on it, as I'm sure she can tell me far more than I'd ever need to know, but I get stopped as I watch Spike lift up the letter and douse it in wisp of green fire. The wisp causes it to disappear entirely before gliding out the window, presumably to this 'Princess Celestia' person... pony... whatever.

This makes me realize that Spike must be some kind of young dragon if he breathes fire, though this also makes me think, are dragons like postmen in this world? But Twilight mentioned earlier that dragons are carnivorous by nature, or at least I assume she was implying that by talking about their teeth. Fluttershy fainted at the talk of eating chicken... but this world's postmen are meat eaters? You know what, forget it. This hurts my brain. Speaking of my brain, the gears in my brain just all clicked together over a certain word Twilight used in her letter... “...'Creature', really?”

“Eh, heh, heh...” Twilight laughs nervously as she turns to me, “Sorry, Cloud, I sort of went into autopilot, I didn't mean... oh darn.”

“Forget about it.” I say, shaking my head, a bit bemused.

“The Princess should get that letter and reply soon, Cloud. Until then, make yourself at home in my library, I suppose. There's plenty of room.”

“Oh, oh, oh!” Pinkie Pie starts, waving a hoof at Twilight like a school kid. “I know how we can pass time until Celestia replies! Pick me, pick me, pick me!”

“A par-”

“A party!” She exclaims, cutting off Twilight as she rears up on her back legs and throws her forelimbs to either side in exaggerated pose, confetti, streamers, and noise makers all going off from behind her. Yes, behind her. I don't know why or how or where she was even keeping all that junk. I don't want to know where she was keeping all of it. “I'll go set up Sugar Cube Corner right now, and I'll invite all of Ponyville, and then Cloud can make all kinds of friends and stop being a mister-poopy-doopy-pants and-”

“Pinkie!” Twilight cuts her off. “That's... not a good idea. If you need to throw a party, at least... do it here. And only invite Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Rarity.”

“But, what about you? And Fluttershy! And Cloud! It's his party! I have to invite him!” ...Really?

“Pinkie, you don't need to invite us because we're already here.” Twilight replies flatly.

“Oh, yeah! Duh! Well, I'll go get all my party supplies from Sugar Cube Corner and get this placed all spruced up in a jiffy-wiffy then!” Pinkie exclaims, before hopping out on all four hooves like a living pogo stick. Thank God it's gone... for now...

“Oh, I see how it is!” Spike pouts suddenly, crossing his arms and turning in a huff from the door Pinkie just exited from. “Don't worry about inviting good ol' Spike. I'm just chopped dragon liver here, apparently!” A dragon liver sounds delicious right about now.

“Oh, Spike, you know she didn't mean it like that.” Twilight says, scooping up her Number One Assistant into a hug. “It's just... Pinkie Pie.”

“Just Pinkie Pie, huh?” I can't help but chime in.

“Yeah... sorry about that, Cloud. There really is no other explanation other than 'it's Pinkie Pie', honestly. She's a very... special pony.”

“You can say that again...” I roll my eyes and sigh, slumping back in my chair. It's time for some damn relaxation before that monster comes back.

“Oh you poor thing...” Fluttershy starts, in what I'm sure is that voice she talks to 'her animals' in, as Twilight put it. “Look at you, you're so tired! Did that silly old Pinkie Pie tire you o-” As she goes to finish, I turn my head ever so slightly and dart my eyes to meet hers. “Oh... sorry... again again...”

“...You know what? Forget it. I am tired after that.”

I swear Fluttershy lets out an audible squee before flying up behind me and placing her hooves on my shoulders. “See, you can be cute! Now don't you worry your little head, Fluttershy will make all that stress go right away!” She exclaims, oddly confident as she begins massaging my shoulders with her hooves. For being something she's never seen before... and her not having, you know, fingers... she's pretty good at this massage thing. I look to Twilight lazily, and notice her smack her hoof to her forehead again before my eyes grow heavy and fall shut.

Just what I need to get that mind-rape out of my, well, mind. A nap.

...A nap that's not anywhere near long enough.

Prrrrm! The sound of a noise-maker rouses me, though my eyes are barely fluttering open and my vision is still basically nil, my head heavy. My vision is probably MIA because I don't want to be seeing the pony working said noise-maker.

“You think he's dead?” A new female's voice asks. "That'd be totally lame!"

“Why I never, Rainbow! Always so unladylike.” Another replies.

“Tarnation, fellas, will you two mares just git along now? I think he's a-rousin',” A third sounds like she's getting between the first two.

Now that my head's finally stopped feeling like it got hit by a freight train, it's time to place some mental bets on the owners of those voices. First one sounds like it might belong to a tomboy or something. Second one's easily a total priss - a better question would be, why she's in a backwater town like this? And the third one? Totally a hick. Well, my chips are down, so I begin rubbing the bleariness out of my eyes.

“See, Dash? He is most certainly not a corpse!” The one I've mentally tagged as the priss states.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever Rares. It was obviously a joke. Didn't you hear how loud he was snoring?” Tomboy. I get the feeling I'm quickly end up being the unwilling receiver of a party involving a whole bunch of people... ponies... whatever... that I'm not going to like very much. Forget the dragon liver, maybe I'll roast a few whole ponies as a bit of catharsis.

I finally get my eyes working properly, and turn my head toward where the trio of voices is coming from, three forms quickly becoming clear to my vision. One's orange and blonde, with freckles and a wide-rim cowboy hat, chewing a length of hay or wheat or something. I feel like I've never seen a more stereotypical hick in my life. One for me. The second's white with purple prim and permed hair that she clearly spends too much time on. Her noise is also held just a little bit higher than the others, which makes me smirk inwardly. Priss. The third... the hell? Cyan with sloppy, scraggly hair in every color of the rainbow... in order? No really, what the hell is this? I know the pink one doesn't make any goddamn sense but this is hair color. That just doesn't happen. The only conclusion I can get is that it's a tomboy that dyes her hair. Eh, close enough. “Three for three.”

“Three for three, what?” The cyan one asks, peering up at me. Shit.

Thinking quickly, I give the most misleading, believable, and well thought-out reply I can. “...Nothing.”

“...Right.” She totally believes me.

“Hey, you're finally awake, silly!” My insides freeze at that voice. “You almost slept through your own party you know, mister! I don't know how, you're sitting right in the center of it, but you came close!”

“Yeah, we were about to play pin the tail on your flank just to see if you'd wake up!” The rainbow-haired one snorts and laughs.

“Rainbow Dash!” The white one nudges her friend disapprovingly.

“So, Cloud.” Twilight's voice starts to my side. I turn to face her, and she's wearing one of those silly striped party cone-hat-things. Fluttershy and Her are both wearing the hats as well, and now that I think about it, the white and cyan ones were too. I suppose the hick isn't wearing one because she brought her own stupid hat. “These are my friends Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity.” Twilight informs me, moving a hoof to motion towards Hick, Tomboy, and Priss in turn. As stupidly over-fitting as their names are, I kind of like mine more. “Girls, this is Cloud. He's the... 'very special guest' Pinkie Pie mentioned.”

“Well ah'll say he's a special one.” Applejack comments. “Ain't seen nuthin' like him before.”

“That's the thing!” Twilight replies. I swear she's about ready to squeal. “No one in Equestria has from everything I can tell! We're the first ponies to ever interact with this new species, 'human'! Isn't it great?”

“Too bad he can't remember anything from what Pinkie Pie told us.” Rarity says. “I'd be charmed to learn what sophisticated things a whole new species does!” Okay, babe, not to be downing myself here, but do I really look all that 'sophisticated' to you?

“Pfft...” Rainbow Dash snorts in reply to Rarity. “He's got no wings and no horn. These 'humans' probably can't do magic or fly, which means they probably don't have anything really cool they can do anyway!" She smirks and looks half-sarcastically at Applejack. "And if it's not cool or interesting, you girls already know its not worth my time.”

“Hey now, Dash!” Applejack says, sounding a bit offended. “You sayin' I'm lame, 'cuz I ain't got no horns or wings either?”

“You know what I mean, AJ.” Dash rolls onto her back, using her wings to hover-lounge in mid-air on her back. Okay, I'm not a pegasus biologist by any means, but I know how birds work, and those look like bird wings, and I'm pretty sure bird wings don't work that way. Bah. Forget it. I'm not going to try to make sense of this place anymore. Whatever happens, I'm just gonna nod and go with it. This is an endless supply of migraines waiting to happen trying to figure out what's going on here.

“Actually, Dash...” Twilight speaks up. “I'm not sure how, but he used magic when we were being chased by some timberwolves in the Everfree Forest earlier today. It was some strange spell I've never seen before that made all of them freeze in place for a while. Even the ones in the air – they just hung there, with no obvious glow of magic or anything. Honestly, now that I'm thinking on it, that's another thing I want you to let me investigate sometime, Cloud...”

I'm not sure if I'm thankful for your defense or skeptical of being your test specimen, Twilight.

“Okay... that is kinda cool.” Rainbow Dash admits, flipping in the air to be right side up. “Hey Cloud, you should show us some of the other magic you can do! I bet you could at least put on a better show than that flout who came to Ponyville that time!”

Grrruhghhh. My stomach's replying for me now. Lovely.

“Oh yeah, Cloud... you still haven't eaten due to that... incident, earlier.” Twilight says sheepishly, remembering the flower-on-bread she served me before. Apparently that's a pretty delicious sandwich by pony standards. Just tasted like grass on bread to me, though.

“I have just the thing to fix that!” Her voice says, my head being spun to the side by a pink hoof as she jams an entire cupcake into my mouth, wrapper and all, holding her hoof there until I begin to chew it.

“Pinkie!”

“Oh, sorry Twilight, you probably want a cupcake, too!” Pinkie says, hopping over to Twilight and thrusting one of the baked treats into her mouth, too.

I take a moment to slide the wrapper out of my mouth before resuming chewing on it. Now that I'm not eating the goddamn paper, it's actually pretty good. Did that pink monster bake these herself? I turn to look at the other ponies and all four of them are giggling, including Fluttershy. Since when are you amused at my expense, yellow one? You were one of my two friends in this bastion of insanity! I see how it is, you traitorous, flying stick of butter...

“Well, since party boy here's hungry, let's start this party with some sweets!” Pinkie exclaims, spreading plates full of cupcakes, cake, and other confectioneries around with her oddly limber hooves. It's almost like she actually has fingers. While she's doing that, I take a minute to glance out one of the upper library windows. It's pitch-dark out there. How long was I out? Hours? Goddamn...

Either way, there's some delicious looking, real food that needs eating in front of me. I grab a fork – too busy wanting this cake to even wonder why ponies would need such a thing, and slowly cut into it. I'm going to savor this. A delicious, white-frosting vanilla cake... I can't remember the last time I had one of these – but given the fact I can't remember much of anything else, that's not very surprising. I scoop the first mouthful onto my fork, delicately setting it in place so it doesn't fall off as I prepare to raise it up and-

Suddenly, there's an ear-splitting, terrified scream outside and all six of my pony compatriots are at attention.

Goddamnit.

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