• Published 20th Sep 2012
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My Little Fantasy - GuyWhoWritesThings

Unable to accept the failures and lies that make up his life, Cloud Strife is pulled through the green glow of the Lifestream, only to find himself... in Equestria?

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Chapter 03: Back in Gaea, We Called 'Em "Chocobos."

Chapter 03: Back in Gaea, We Called 'Em "Chocobos."

“Human?” Twilight Sparkle asks, tilting her head to the side in thought. “That's definitely something I'll need to look up at the library in Canterlot next time I go...”

I sip from my teacup, letting the creature muse to herself for a moment before speaking. “So, your turn. What're you supposed to be?”

She looks at me incredulously for a moment before speaking. “Come on now, surely you know what a pony is! Well, technically I'm a unicorn, but come on!” I simply stare at her blankly and sip my tea. Not sure what blend it is, but it's surprisingly good. “Really, never heard of one? Pegasus, unicorn, alicorn, earth pony, none of the above?”

“None of the above.” I reply, sipping my tea again.

Twilight's face almost looks horrified as she blinks silently for a minute, then reaches down and pulls out a thick textbook simply titled Equine Biology 101. Where the hell did she pull that thing from? “I need to get you educated, fast! Wait... do you even know where we are?”

“...Ponyville?” I reply sarcastically, raising my eyebrow.

“Oh... oh...” Twilight's eyes become wide as saucers. Something jumps through the unicorn's mind as she speaks again. “Even faraway countries know what ponies are and where Equestria is! Where are you from? What's it like there? Are you from some faraway planet? Is this a first-contact situation? Oh, oh, oh, maybe you're a time traveler! Or maybe from a parallel universe? C'mon, tell me!” She looks at me with pleading eyes. I sigh. It would figure I'd roll a nerd as my first contact in this place. I consider lying to her for a moment, but I quickly toss that idea aside. Even if I know where I am is wrong, I still need to find someone who can help me remember everything. Plus, she seems trustworthy enough - and even if she's not, I'm some kind of crazy creature they've never seen before. Anyone she'd tell my existence to would likely just write her off as loopy from reading too much science fiction, so what's there to lose?

“I don't remember.” I say curtly after letting silence hang between us for a minute. Her ears press against her head as she slumps back into her chair.

“You don't remember... anything?”

“Not a thing.” I reply.

“You've got to be kidding me!” She ruffles her hair with her hooves and slumps over on her desk. “I've got what may be one of the most important scientific discoveries in Equestria sitting in my library and he doesn't remember anything!”

“Sorry about her.” Spike says, giving an exasperated sigh. “She can get very... weird... when it comes to these kind of things.”

“You don't say.” I smirk at the lizard and sip down the rest of my tea as Twilight shoots up from her slumped position on her desk.

“I've got it!” She declares triumphantly. “I've got a spell I haven't used since Discord attacked that can help. It wasn't made for something like this, but I'm sure I can get it working to where it can get all your missing memories back in a jiffy!”

I freeze for a moment. No! No! No way! All my internal alarms are telling me not to let that kind of spell anywhere near me. I'm not sure why, remembering everything is exactly what I want, isn't it...? That's the whole reason I was truthful about not remembering things in the first place. And now, my insides are yelling 'cease and desist' up to my brain, whose starting to feel like it wants to punch everything and take a vacation. It's hard for me to stop the panic from showing outwardly as much as it is inwardly, but I manage aside from a sweat bead I can feel dripping down from my forehead. I'm sure she saw that. Dammit. My insides are still shaking, telling me to stay far away from that spell... but... why?

Knock, knock, knock!

Thank God! Salvation! ...Then I hear the voice on the other side of the door.

“Excuse me, Twilight? Are you there? Can I come in? There's something I really would like to talk to you about, you know, if you don't mind... It's about what you were supposed to come visit me about. I couldn't wait any longer.” The one from yesterday. They know each other? Ah hell, this could get complicated... though it seems Twilight's intent has been disrupted by her friend popping by. Looks like I owe the pastel butterball one. Or would it be two, now?

“Spike, can you get the door for Fluttershy?” Twilight asks her Number One Assistant as he hops down from his seat and moves for the door.

“Yeah yeah, I got it.” He quips as he pulls open the door, and the pink-and-yellow Fluttershy walks in. Twilight didn't get to explaining exactly what the difference between unicorn, alicorn, pegasus, and earth pony was, but by process of elimination, I feel safe saying that this would be a pegasus.

“Oh Twilight, you're never going to believe this!” She starts, in a low but excited tone. “I was taking care of my animals near the end of the day yesterday, and floating down the riv-” Her eyes finally drifted from the unicorn to me as she let out a surprised gasp. “Oh dear... I see you've already met.”

I give her a small wave over my tea cup.

Twilight's eyes drift between myself and the pegasus for a moment. “Wait, you two know each other?”

“Not really, but this poor thing was floating down the river, completely unconscious! Celestia knows what happened to it!” She explains with concern, quickly closing the distance between us and getting a bit too close to me for comfort as she puts a hoof to my forehead. “See? You did get sick! I told you to let me get you dried off and look what's happened now!”

“Uhh... Fluttershy...” Twilight starts, but it appears that this one, Fluttershy, has had her flipped switched, so to speak.

“What is it, Twilight? Can't you see, this one's sick an-”

“Do you mind?” I cut in quickly.

“Eep!” She backs up from me again, cowering back with her front hooves over her face. “Sorry...”

“It's okay, Fluttershy. He's just not a woodland critter...” I can feel Twilight rolling her eyes mentally as if to say 'how could you mix that one up?', but she seems to have decided not to say anything. She then turns to me. “Don't mind Fluttershy, Cloud, she can get a little... excited about taking care of things.” Fluttershy shoots me a sheepish grin from her cowering place on the ground as Twilight says this and I can't help but let out an exasperated sigh.

“She's not the only one who can get 'excited' about things.” Spike quips with a groan, saying exactly what I was thinking.

“What was that, Spike?” Twilight replies, shooting the lizard a daring glance.

“I... uhhh...” He takes a step back, twiddling his fingers together.

“Spike, why don't you get us all another round of this tea?” I decide to interject, trying to save him from the unicorn's ire as a bit of repayment for his amusing quip.

“Ohh, uhh, sure, I'll get right on that. I'll get a cup for Fluttershy too!” He quickly grabs everyone's teacups, rushing back into the kitchen to get more tea ready.

“So... um... it's nice to meet you, Cloud.” Fluttershy says, finally back on her fours. “I'm sorry about, you know, before...”

“Don't worry about it.”

“Oh, um, okay...”

“So, Cloud,” Twilight Sparkle starts again, “let me get that spell ready for you. See, Fluttershy, I'll be helping our new friend here get his memory back and then he can tell us abo-”

“...I think I'd rather remember on my own.” I cut her off. That freezing pit in my stomach is forming again from her trying to push that damn thing onto me.

“Why?” She replies, looking dejected at the fact she won't be able to interrogate her little alien. “I mean, I'd need to adjust this spell a bit, but it'd be much easier than-”

“I said I'll do it on my own.” I hold firm.

“Now, now, Twilight, you should know better than to be so pushy with your new friends.” Fluttershy admonished her. ...Really? This was gonna be a long day in Ponytown. Ponyville? Whatever.

Grrruhghhh. That fierce growl comes back with a vengeance and I'm suddenly thinking about what roast pony tastes like. I shake that thought quickly though – they're clearly... sort-of human, and I'm not about to devolve to cannibalism yet. Though... they're both looking at me now. They heard that. Lovely. And now the yellow one will-

“Oh no no, this is just no good!” Here we go... “Twilight, you can't starve the poor thing! What are you doing? Do I have to-”

My hand slumps in annoyance over my face. “I am not a furry woodland creature.” As I finish speaking, I turn to Twilight Sparkle, who echoed almost the exact same line as me. We give each other a bewildered look before turning back to Fluttershy, her now belly-pressed against the floor and looking up at us with a sheepish grin.

“Oh... sorry... again...”

“Don't worry about it, Fluttershy.” Twilight says with a sigh before turning her head toward the kitchen, raising her voice so her Number One Assistant can hear. “Spike! Can you get us some sandwiches with that tea, please?”

“Sure thing, Twi!” Her eager helper calls back to her from beyond the doors, and I can hear a few things begin to clank around with a distinctive crash at the end. “Uhh... I'm alright!”

Twilight giggles and covers her mouth with her hoof-appendage-thing. Are those actually hooves? Need to ask that sometime. That thing is so flexible it's kind of unsettling. It has to have at least 4 sets of joints or... something. It makes me kind of sick seeing the way these ponies can bend those limbs of theirs sometimes. At least I don't have any food in me to hurl up... yet.

Twilight decides to strike up some conversation with the animal lover, and I zone out a bit. Probably shouldn't have, but... you know, 'How are your animals doing?', 'Oh they're doing just wonderful Twilight, Mr. and Mrs. Badger had their third baby a couple days ago, isn't it wonderful?', so on so on can only be interesting for so long. Would Fluttershy be considered the equivalent of a cat lady here? ...Not sure I want to find out, honestly. After a few minutes, Spike finally returns with three sandwiches and four cups of tea.

“Not hungry, Spike?” Twilight asks as she begins lifting the items off the tray with her... 'magic', as she called it back in the woods. Good as name as any for whatever it is she can do, I guess.

“Nah, I had a snack earlier, I'll wait until dinner time, Twi.” He replies casually, shrugging as he takes the tray the cups and sandwiches were on and bringing it back into the kitchen.

I look down and the sandwich, seeing some greens sticking out and taking note of the fact it looks rather... flat. My hunger overtakes my logic though as I scoop it up and take a bite... and... this tastes like grass. Literally, this tastes like grass. I swallow slowly then decide to peek into the sandwich to find... a dandelion? ...Really? I slowly turn from the sandwich up to Twilight with a perplexed expression, looking on as she munches at her own sandwich like it's the best thing ever.

She swallows. “Is something wrong with your dandelion sandwich, Cloud?”




I take a moment to think over my reply, considering she's basically my only friendly contact in this place right now, before asking, "Not to sound ungrateful, but... do you have something with meat in it?" Or you know, anything with more consistency than grass, but meat would be the best after all the running.

"You mean like, fish... right?" Fluttershy speaks up, shooting me another of her sheepish smiles, though she also looks noticeably... uncomfortable.

"Fish would work, I guess... but," I look to Fluttershy, and I can see Twilight shooting me a wide-eyed look of 'Stop! Halt! Cease! Desist immediately!', but it's too late, "what would really be good right now, is some chicken."

Twilight smacks her hoof to her face as the color quite literally drains from Fluttershy's hair and coat. She gives a barely intelligible 'ohnohewantstoeatmisterandmissescluckles' before toppling onto the floor, unconscious.

It's official.

If I don't become the legendary fisherman or something, I'm going to starve to death.

Some time later, Spike is poking absentmindedly at the still-unconscious form of Fluttershy going 'Hello? Anyone home? Fluttershy? Fluttershyyyyy?' over and over again as Twilight tries to explain to me that the ponies in Equestria... yeah, that's what she called it. Equestria. She's explaining how they're all basically herbivores.

“You see, Cloud,” I get the feeling she likes lecturing people, “earth ponies, pegasi, unicorns, and alicorns are all herbivores by nature, lacking the necessary incisors of other species such as dragons or the creatures of the Everfree Forest required to properly chew meat.” ...Dragons. Something I feel a bit more familiar with. That's oddly comforting despite the fact I'm pretty sure I've killed most of the ones I've seen. “Furthermore, when Princess Celestia and Princess Luna brought harmony to the land, Equestria became a safe, sovereign nation for ponies, protecting them from other species such as griffons that would normally be their natural predators, and furthermore...” Sorry girl, tuning this one out too. Blah, blah, blah. This is more boring than the time I explained how I get around quickly to some guy and his dog, and a floating finger appeared over my head, and... wait, of all the things I could remember, why do I remember that?! I think I need a drink, but I bet the best I could get here is probably some apple cider or some weird concoction made out of hay with my luck. The weirdest part is, for some reason, that finger memory fills me with quite a bit of sadness. Why would a floating finger make me feel sad?

“Hey, hello? Equestria to Cloud? Did you get all that?”

Oh, she's finished! Thank God! I nod as convincingly as I can, and she smiles, seemingly happy with the fact she's taught me so much about the eating habits of basically every creature in Equestria.

“Oh, ohhh...” Fluttershy puts a hoof-appendage-thing to her face and wobbles as she stands up, finally roused. Probably a good thing she missed that lecture Twilight failed to give me. I bet she talked about some carnivores in far more vivid detail than I'd ever need to know. She'd probably make the poor butter creature throw up. “Sorry about that...”

“It's okay, Fluttershy.” Twilight assures her, moving in and stroking her head once with a hoof, giving her a cautious smile. “Now!” The unicorn turns back to me. I hope it's not another lecture. I'm beginning to contemplate going back into the woods and roasting a nice ferret right now. “About your memory! If you don't want my magic to help, we should start with what you can remember, and-”

“Hey Twilight!” A completely new, cheery voice calls from her front door, cutting her line of thought entirely. I turn myself to see a bright, pink-on-pink pony with poofy hair peeking around a slightly cracked door. “You know, I found out the coo-” Her entire train of thought seems to come to a screeching halt as her eyes meet mine. Her pupils shrink to a fraction of their former size as her eyes open wider, staring at me what I can only assume is wonder as I wonder for her health. That can't be natural, can it? “Ohh Twilight, you gotta introduce me to your new friend!” She exclaims, zipping from the door frame with unnatural speed and an audible woosh noise as she peeks around one side of my chair, then the other, then over the top, popping from place to place and looking me. “So, come on Twilight! Who is he? What is he? Who styles his mane? Why's he look all down in the dumps?” She turns to me, and I feel, honestly, kind of horrified. I don't think reality works that way, whatever you are. “Come on now, why do you look like such a party-poopy-doopy-pants? You see, I'm Pinkie Pie, and I know every pony in Ponyville!”

“Pinkie.” Save me, Twilight.

“You may not be a pony, but I'm sure if you're one of Twilight's friends, you'll be one of mine too in no time at all!” She puts one of her over-flexible forelimbs around my neck, turning to look out toward the rest of the room and panning her free limb around as if she's showing me something majestic.


“And you know, one of the things I love doing most in the whole whole whoooole world, mister-poopy-doopy-pants, is making all my new friends smile! I'll make you into mister-super-shining skippy-pants! Or maybe mister-mega-awesome-glimmer-pants! Or or or, super-mega-awesome-magical-friendship-amazing-beaming-happy-skippy-jumpy-pants! Yeah!”

“Pinkie!” Twilight yells, finally getting the cotton-monster's attention.

“Oh, sorry!”

Does Twilight Sparkle count as an adult in Equestria? I think I need one right about now for what my brain just went through.

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