Harmony fall, is it so bad?
written by L Morning Star
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Your story has potential and is even a nice and unique concept. The main problem is that its rushed, and it becomes hard to follow in places do to carry-on sentences. Overall I love the ideas, but you should slowdown some and describe more of your OCs settings and help us (the reader) visualize more of whats happening.
11496857
Thanks for the advice, I'm still a newbie to this and I think you're right, this has come a long way in a short time, I think I'll try to slow it down a bit.