L Morning Star
Joined 27th Jun, 2022 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Anubis Grimgost · 230k words · 165 38 · 10k views
- Nighthunter13 · 63k words · 184 33 · 3.6k views
- Anonymous 1234321 · 114k words · 100 7 · 2k views
- Black--Soul · 93k words · 125 36 · 2.9k views
- gypsyfox · 39k words · 201 11 · 2.2k views
- BlueDragon64 · 156k words · 380 29 · 4.9k views
- Moons_Dragon · 49k words · 136 17 · 2.4k views
- Jest · 45k words · 107 15 · 1.4k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.039 seconds
Total duration
1,095 users online
2,091,443 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
good, I look forward to continuing
Dont get me wrong, i really like this concept but... what is this grammar!?? Where are the comas and the full stops? This is missing so much punctuation.
Im telling you this not because i want to hate on you or your editor, but because i want this story to succeed and be good.
A good tip i can give you is to write your chapters in google docs since its auto correct is really good at punctuation.
Btw, sick cover art ;>
11322726
thanks, I promise to improve
Proofread? My guy, there are a lot of errors.
11322726
11322735
11322778
Hi, I am the one responsible for the lack of punctuation in this story, I should've paid more attention when translating the story, I'm sorry that I made it harder to enjoy a very solid chapter with much potential, please give this story a chance it is worth the read... and L., sorry I let you down in this one man, I know you said you this fic was very important to you, I'll do my best not to let this happen again... once again, sorry.
11322843
thank you very much and don't worry I know you've been busy just take it easier next time
11322843
Dont worry my man, i would read this story with errors and all, but i am glad you will put some more effort into it. I believe this story can be great even with its flaws
Take your time, it makes the overall quality better as opposed to if you just burnt yourself out in 2 chapters :)
As someone suggested, Google docs is great to help with spelling etc, but used in combination with Grammerly (A free add on) you can usally get 99% of errors. Highly recommend that combo.
so the tree of harmony is saying they are early and the everfree spirit is summoning a human spirit to use its new body. I look forward to seeing how this goes
Only the first chapter but I am already intrigued. The dialogue is a little hard to follow but otherwise passable.
I look forward to seeing where this story goes!
I'll give it a follow
Monk
Why isn't there an OC tag for the mare in the cover art?
The cover art really gives off WoW Fel vibes.
11330933
I've searched desperately but I can't find it
11331095
type original character into the character section of the story description.
Blue flower? well seems that something interesting is going to happen. Maby since her body was lyra she will be turned back into her tempereraly
Also eager to see the ponies see these new wolfs and have the idea that they might have made things worse
Looks like someone found some Poison Joke.
I regret watching this while I'm watching JOJO, I'm re-reading the fight in ponyville like the fight from JOJO
There are a few he and him refering to zecora.
So rainbow attacked a mystery creature and now ponys are supprised they reacted. hopefully one of them will relise just how easy it would have been for the wolves to be orderd to kill insted and reconsider their views but likely not
You need an editor.
I feel like i'm having a stroke reading this story
11351555
The problem with that is, even though there is an army of people saying he should get an editor, those who actually offer to clean up the language issues, is always zero.
How about several of you claim a chapter, clean up the translation, then submit it to the Author as a private IM?
I used to do that all the time.
Monk
"The idea simply stated that when personal feelings are mixed with power, bad things happen." -Corvo
Well, I've caught up with the story, and I have to say that I like it. It's nice to see that there are consequences to actions. I just hope that you also include someone among the ponies who points out they they are actually responsible for that entire dumpster fire of a situation.
Monk
"Dumpster fire." Phrase referring to a fire in a business type garbage can. Refers to a destructive situation that could have easily been prevented or should not have happened in the first place.
I need like 10 episode more per day ok? (joking), i note the overlord reference in the 2 episode and i like so much, i hope she no get in bad term with zecora for all this. (sorry mi inglis is bad)
‘Evil troll grin’ i need more😈
very nice hope for more! whether appelblom can solve the problem
great story so far and this is only chapter 1
great story so far
I thought ponies were only scared of the Everfree Forest because it acted like the forests in the real world. And wasn't it turned into a joke in later seasons?
11382097
I remember that they mention that it was one of the most dangerous places in equestria, I thought I could give it a reason since it also has magic, do you think I should put the tag alt. universe?
11382105
hmmmmm..... i dont think you need to go that far, but it is technically a AU since this is a FF but its up to you.
interesting story
Aspen can defenetly blame celestia and the elements for making a predetory specise behave more like one insted of the less then smart creatures they once were. I also wonder how celestia will react when she learns eventualy that a new creature appered from everfree that controled the wolves after her actions... Aspen will not be best pleased when he puts it together that the being was likely caused by celestias hastey actions
not a bad concept... many have commented about 'grammar' and 'spelling', ya there are mistakes, but the biggest and easiest to correct... Never, ever, ever have more than ONE person speak in one paragraph. New person talking, new paragraph. This is a must, it tells the reader 'hey something changed'. Nothing was worse than running Rarity and Rainbow dashes thoughts together... except maybe Celestia and Pinkie... <shivers in terror>
mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-1432824-1-pinkie_pie__the_party_will_last_forever_by_averagedraw-d4xhyvi.png
11382544
I agree, I've been working on it don't worry
(NICE PICTURE
)
This character is an idiot. I know the betrayed picture was here that ponies be racist which is true. It's not a racist thing to assume that a group of formal monsters who attacked you are dangerous, in the worst part about this that he should have realized this. But this doesn't change that this guy is an idiot in who hasn't got control over his emotions. But I really be surprised he's taking his life advice from anime this is the kind of guy you should never get power without spending at least a couple of years explaining to him real life versus fiction. And in what world even in anime when you have a whole race of people only living around that race racism when they exist. But at least he's entertaining.
I don't know what's going to be going on in this fanfiction. But the only people who really go into the everfree forest other than the CMC are the elements in by the time they went in there they're basically like level 20 characters. Fluttershy has the stare rainbow dash is basically the flash Twilight is an all-powerful unicorn Applejack is quite strong enough to kick down Stone and rarity while she's rarity. But normal ponies do not go into the everfree even in the later episodes.
11382097
again very good keep it up!
Why..... Why is it always forced sex changes in these stories?! Only 2 chapters in and already I'm pretty much done with reading this. Like if the change was voluntary I'd be fine with it, because that way at least they had a choice in the matter. You should probably make it known on the story description that this happens, so people like myself who heavily dislike this thing know ahead of time.
great chapters
Very nice looking forward to more!
I like this story, it's creative. My only complaint is that this Author shoves way too much into single sentences.
This sentence is 64 words long.
Got to take a deep breath to read this sentence. This is one single sentence and it is 177 words long.
Monk
I have to ask, is Celestia a fucking guy in this chapter? You almost exclusively use the "he/his" pronouns so I think I'll have to assume that
I suspect you meant "Harmony" here
Is Aspen a boy or a girl? You refer to them as "king" which is a male monarch and use the female pronouns at the beginning of this chapter.
On top of that, you seem to have this weird mix of 3rd and 1st person that makes reading this almost impossible to read.
tbh I'm dropping this story, It's too hard to figure out what's going on, and all the characters seem to share a few characteristics that I hate reading.
11432831
Aspen is male, i just started writing so it doesn't really surprise me, i think maybe i'll take a while to move on with my other story to get more experience
Huelo una referencia a futurama
Let's see what the library hides, you might easily meet (Twilight!!!) just one idea !
Wait is twilight a guy or girl in this story and is main character he or she?