My Little Teelo

by Ardwolf

A Ponyville Tradition

Suddenly a pink blur shot into the library and stopped in front of Teagan. Pinkie Pie hopped up and down excitedly, clapping her hooves together with each hop.

“It’s ready, it’s ready. IT’S READY!” Pinkie Pie shouted, grinning from ear to ear. “I know it’s late, but I worked extra special hard and everything is just peachy-perfect! It’s going to be the finest, bestest, best one ever. Everyone is gonna be there, even the Princess.” Pinkie closed her eyes in hyperactive bliss.

“Well, I mean a Princess. Princess Celestia couldn’t come ‘cause she’s super busy with the whole saving the world thing but Princess Luna said SHE WOULD BE HONORED TO ATTEND.” Pinkie Pie gave a ringing imitation of the Royal Canterlot Voice that made Teagan slap her hands over her ears and Twilight fold her ears back.

Pinkie Pie giggled at their expressions. “Guess I got it right, huh?” She hopped in the air and spun completely around before landing again.

“Come-on-come-on-come-on! You don’t wanna be late do you? Not for your very own Welcome To Ponyville Party! Everypony’s gonna be there, Applejack and Big Macintosh and Granny Smith and Sweetie Bell and Cheerilee and—”

“Pinkie!” Twilight said sharply.

“Yes?” Pinkie asked, blinking.

“You planned a party now?” Twilight asked in exasperation. “When Princess Celestia could call us to come to Canterlot at any moment?”

“Of course not, Silly.” Pinkie said, rolling her eyes. “I’d never do that. Princess Luna says Princess Celestia won’t call us for at least another day, she’s got all her top Horns investigating and she’s not gonna get a report till at least tomorrow night.”

“She—the Horns?—wait! How did you talk to Princess Luna?” Twilight stammered, finally managing to overcome her shock.

“What? The same way I’m talking to you, Silly!” Pinkie said, laughing.

“Princess Luna is in Ponyville?” Twilight’s eyes shot wide.

“Uh huh. I invited her guards too but you know how they are.” Pinkie stuck out her tongue.

“Who’s Princess Luna?” Teagan asked. She was acutely aware that she was still wearing a towel. She wondered if it be any better to meet a princess wearing pajamas.

Probably not, she thought resignedly. Not only was this place incredibly scary it seemed the preferred weapon of her demise was going to be humiliation. If she ever got back she was going to slug the first brony who gushed about how cute this place was!

“What’s going on?” Spike said, sticking his head out a doorway in the upper story. “Oh, hi Pinkie.”

“Spike! You’re coming to Teelo’s Welcome To Ponyville party, aren’t you? Rarity’s coming.” The pink pony smiled with innocent good cheer.

“So, when’s the party?” Spike asked from right beside Teagan. She jumped and yelped.

She hadn’t even seen him move!

Make that death by heart attack, she thought to herself, sighing.

“It’s right now, Silly! Let’s go!” Pinkie Pie said impatiently.

“What? Pinkie, I can’t go! I’ve got too much to do!” Twilight protested.

“Are you gonna make me do it, Twilight Sparkle?” Pinkie’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Are you gonna make me unleash my mostest devastating weapon?” Pinkie’s voice had lowered to a growl. Teagan started backing away instinctively, remembering that Pinkie was supposed to be insane…

“Pinkie we both know you can’t do The Stare.” Twilight laughed. “Only Fluttershy can do that.”

“You coming along quietly or do I gotta get serious?” Pinkie asked. By now even Spike had started eyeing escape routes.

“You three go have fun, I’ll just—” She stopped, staring at Pinkie, appalled.

“I didn’t wanna have to do this, Twilight.” Pinkie said sadly. She then performed The Look.

You know the one, the one that a cute puppy gives, you with the saddest eyes in the world. Only something about Pinkie Pie magnified the effect. Teagan felt herself tearing up. She’d do anything to stop Pinkie looking at her like that…

Pinkie Pie had weaponized Puppy Dog Eyes.

“Fine. I give up. Just stop looking at me like that!” Twilight said in defeat. “Let’s go to the party.”

“Yay!” Pinkie turned around and bounced out the door.

“How did she do that?” Teagan asked Twilight as the three of them followed the bouncing pink ball of joy and all things puppy down the street.

“I’ve learned with Pinkie it’s better not to ask.” Twilight said, shaking her head. “Who’d have thought Pinkie Pie of all ponies could do that?” The unicorn shivered.

“Yeah. Turn her loose on Discord and he’ll be begging to go quietly.” Teagan said, only half joking. That look had torn at her heartstrings.

Spike didn’t say anything. He still had a dreamy look in his eyes.

The pink pony led them to a building that reminded Teagan of a gingerbread house topped with a double-decker cupcake, topped with three candles. The candles were even lit, although the flames weren’t yet distinct against the late afternoon sunlight.

“Interesting place.” Teagan said. “It almost looks like you could take a bite of it.”

“Sugar Cube Corner.” Twilight said. “Pinkie lives on the second floor. The bottom floor is a bakery run by Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Pinkie’s their apprentice. She’s gotten really good with cupcakes.”

“Most of the time.” Twilight added after a moment’s thought.

Pinkie led them through the main area to a back room. There was a banner that read “Welcome Teelo!” in big bold script. Smaller banners in other parts of the room were covered in a script Teagan had never seen before.

“What’s the big banner say?” Twilight asked in confusion, staring at it.

“It says “Welcome Teelo”.” The girl answered slowly. “Can’t you read it?”

“No, I can’t. How can you?” Twilight asked curiously. “I can read the smaller banners, but not the big one. It uses a script I don’t recognize.”

“But it’s in English.” Teagan protested.

“What’s English?” Twilight asked, wrinkling her forehead in confusion.

“The language we’re speaking right now? You know—the two of us?” Teagan said with exaggerated patience.

“We’re speaking Equestrian.” Twilight said, staring at her.

“Um, hate to break it to you, Twilight, but I never learned Equestrian in school. Just English.”

“Do you know any tongue twisters?” Twilight asked suddenly, apropos of nothing.

“Uh, yeah. Why?” Teagan asked, playing along.

“Say one. It doesn’t matter which one.” Twilight said, staring at her intently.

“Ok, Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers.” Teagan raised her eyebrows. “And that did what, exactly?”

“That’s weird. Try another.”

“Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.” Teagan said obediently. “Twilight, what are you doing?”

“Do you know any rhymes?” Twilight ignored the other ponies that were starting to filter in. The unicorn was staring hard at Teagan.

“Um, the guests are arriving, Twilight. Can’t this wait?” Teagan asked nervously.

“No! Just a short one!”

Teagan sighed.

“Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. Jack jumped over the candlestick. Happy?”

“We’re speaking the same language.” Twilight said flatly.

“No, really? What was your first clue?” Teagan asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I mean that Equestrian and English are the same language.” Twilight said, as though she were explaining to a four year old. “At least the same spoken language. They appear to have different alphabets, though.”

“All right. Weird, I grant you but my weird-o-meter blew a fuse when I found out humongous fire-breathing dragons were real. Is that the Princess?” Teagan nodded toward a group of ponies that had just entered.

“Where?” Twilight’s head snapped around. “Princess Luna! It’s wonderful to see you!” Twilight walked forward eagerly to meet a dark blue unicorn with an ethereal silver-blue mane and a cutie mark showing a white moon on a black background.

And wings, Teagan realized belatedly. The Princess also had wings. She was a winged unicorn. What had Fluttershy called it, an alicorn?

Behind her were a pair of gray ponies wearing golden armor that covered them almost completely. Wings folded over the armor revealed they were pegasi.

She bet flying in all that armor wasn’t a lot of fun.

Princess Luna was a foot taller than her subjects, tall enough to look Teagan straight in the eye. Although Luna was tall and built more slenderly than the ponies around her she probably weighed a good 700 pounds. The fact her horn was black, two feet long and needle sharp wasn’t lost on Teagan either.

Now this living spear was being led over to chat with her.

“Lady Teagan, on behalf of Equestria, allow us to welcome thee to our beloved land.” Princess Luna’s words were delivered in a loud booming voice that almost made Teagan wince. It was a second before she realized what the princess had actually said.

Her name. Her real name. The name she’d never said aloud all the time she’d been here…

“How do you know my name, Your Highness?” Teagan asked, trying her best to keep her back straight and her gaze level.

Twilight was looking at her strangely. Pinkie Pie was grinning.

“We are co-ruler of this land, Lady Teagan and know many secrets.” Princess Luna said in a slightly lower volume. Then she spoke a phrase in a language that although Teagan had never heard it before, was still achingly familiar.

“Nach bhfuil dearmad Capaill.”

“I should know that,” Teagan said softly. “I almost do. It’s like a dream you can’t remember…”

Luna dipped her horn in salute.

“Time moves on for us all.” There was a hint of sadness in Luna’s voice. Then she smiled. “But this is a party, is it not? Let us set aside our cares for an hour, and be joyful. We have heard of Miss Pie’s ‘punch’. We are curious to try it.”

“Okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie Pie nearly teleported to the punch bowl where she busied herself pouring a tray full of drinks, then using a bottle to squirt something into each.

“Um, Princess you might want to take a very small first sip.” Twilight warned her, watching Pinkie’s grin widen. “You too, Teelo.”

“Why dost she call thee Teelo, Lady Teagan?” Luna asked, tilting her head slightly.

“It’s the name I prefer, Your Highness.” Teagan said. “Especially from those I like or admire. I’d be honored if you would call me that.”

“Then so we shall—Lady Teelo.” Luna said with a genuine smile.

Pinkie Pie brought back the tray, balancing it on her front hooves as she carefully walked over to them on her hind legs.

Teagan took the cup bemusedly, trying to figure out how Pinkie was able to hold the tray with her hooves.

“Small sip.” Twilight hissed softly as Pinkie Pie waited expectantly.

Princess Luna cautiously tasted her punch and a blank look replaced her smile. Teagan took a cautious taste and her eyes widened.

“Thy punch carries quite a punch indeed, Miss Pie.” Luna said carefully. “A most potent concoction!”

“Spicy. But sweet. It really isn’t bad once you get past the burn.” Teelo commented and actually took another small sip. “It’s a little salty too.”

“Wait, salty? Pinkie Pie!” Twilight said, apparently scandalized.

“What? We’re all adults here, right? What’s the harm in a little salt? This is a party!” Pinkie protested.

“Huh? What’s the problem with salt?” Teagan asked, confused.

“Salt doth intoxicate ponies if taken excessively, Lady Teelo. Is it not so for thine own species?” Princess Luna asked.

“No, too much salt can make us cranky but it can’t make us drunk.” Teagan replied. “It’s alcohol that does that for us.”

“Fermented berries?” Luna asked with interest. “They have no effect on ponies. In fact the alcohol makes them safe to eat since it kills dangerous fungus and the like. Of course as with any mild poison thee can eat too much and get sick from it.”

“Well, it’s not surprising different things affect us differently I guess.” Teagan said easily, taking another sip of the punch. Now that her taste buds had been thoroughly pummeled by the fiery drink she found she liked it.

“Pinkie, this punch is really good.” She complimented the pink earth pony.

Pinkie grinned and offered Twilight a cup.

“I’ll pass thanks. Too spicy for me.” Twilight demurred.

“Suit yourself.” Pinkie shrugged. “If you don’t mind how bland it tastes you can get some straight from the bowl. Not nearly as good, though.”

She wandered off, offering punch to the other guests.

“Twilight tells us thou art but newly arrived, Lady Teelo.” Luna said. “How dost thee enjoy Equestria thus far?”

“It’s not what I expected at all.” Teagan admitted.

“Oh? In what way?” The Princess inquired politely.

“Well, I was expecting rainbows and sweet girly ponies everywhere and the biggest problem would be which color china to bring out at the tea party.”

Princess Luna made a noise suspiciously like a snicker. Her expression immediately became stiffly formal.

“We are at something of a loss, Lady Teelo, as to why thou wouldst expect the world to be one large afternoon tea.” Although her face was neutral, Luna’s eyes were dancing.

“Chalk it up to the toy companies, I guess.” Teagan said with a sigh. “Instead I find a big scary world full of monsters and danger and very real people. The only rainbows are the ponies themselves. And none of them are particularly girly.”

She gestured at the guests, who did indeed punish the eye with their array of garish colors.

Princess Luna appeared to consider this carefully.

“What then, wouldst thou consider girly? Are not most of the ponies thou hast met female, Lady Teelo?”

“Well, yes,” Teelo said. “But they aren’t girly. Fluttershy’s the closest but even she’s got steel hidden in her eyes. That is not a pony I’d care to cross.”

“We are most heartened by thy words, Lady Teelo.” Princess Luna smiled, again a smile of genuine pleasure. “It would seem although thou art young thou hast the beginnings of wisdom.”

Teagan laughed.

“What, because a timid pink and yellow pony can scare me with a look? That sounds cowardly, not wise, Your Highness.”

“Because thou canst see beneath the placid surface and learn the truth below, Lady Teelo.” Princess Luna corrected her. “It is a skill very few possess.”

“You’re talking about perceptiveness? I’m flattered, Your Highness, but I’m not all that perceptive.”

“As with any skill it grows with practice, Lady Teelo.” Princess Luna smiled and took another sip of her punch, blinking at the intensity.

“We do see what thou dost mean by burn. If thee will excuse us, we must, what is the word? Oh yes, mingle. Our sister informs us this is a very important social duty at parties.”

“It’s been a pleasure, Your Highness. I hope you enjoy the party.”

“We shall, Lady Teelo. Twilight Sparkle, it was a pleasure to see thee again.”

“Princess.” Twilight performed a bow, dipping her head almost to the ground and bending one leg. Trying to be as graceful as she could with a half empty cup of punch in one hand Teagan attempted a curtsey. Considering the circumstances, it was a passable attempt.

“Oh my God!” Teagan let out a massive sigh of relief as soon as Princess Luna was engaged in conversation with a tan earth pony with gray mane and tail.

“What?” Twilight said, confused.

“I just spoke to a princess! And I didn’t mess up! Wow. I was terrified I was going to say something stupid.”

“You did just fine.” Twilight reassured her. “You’ll do fine with Princess Celestia, too. Actually, that will be easier. Princess Luna can be a bit—formal. And she tends to like the Royal Canterlot Voice.”

“I won’t be wearing a towel when I meet Princess Celestia either.” Teagan chuckled. “Rarity will have my clothes ready by then. I am so looking forward to that!”

Just then Applejack came up to them with Apple Bloom, a large red stallion, and the first old pony Teagan had seen since her arrival.

“Teelo, this here’s my brother Big Mac and my grandma, Granny Smith.” Applejack said proudly.

“Good to meet ya, young filly!” Granny Smith cackled. “Yer sure a long drink o’ water!”

Teagan was soon lost in a sea of introductions as what seemed like every pony in town eventually introduced themselves over the course of the next two hours. There was food, and more punch and cupcakes and all sorts of pastries for desert.

Teagan enjoyed the party immensely; truly relaxing for the first time since she’d arrived in Equestria, but she was glad when it ended.

She and Fluttershy walked back to the latter’s house, chatting lightly about the party. The pegasus spent the walk giving Teagan the latest gossip going around town.

Even Angel seemed in a less surly mood, ignoring her instead of glaring. When she settled into bed she fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Comments

[amiamera]

So ponies are immune to alcohol because...magic? Regular animals on Earth are all susceptible and some do funnily partake in overripe fruit, leading to drunkenness. :)

[Wellwater]

5813349 It's really only pigs that become alcoholics, though. (Pigs are so much like humans it's scary sometimes.)

[Ephedianroyalty]

Hmm... is this hinting at luna having some part in human’s dreams as well?