Lashing Out
Capper took a swig of wine as he lined up his swing with his free paw. Red liquid spilled from the edges of both cup and mouth as it splattered against the severed pony head laying perfectly on a makeshift tee in the grass. Eyeing his target carefully while maneuvering his golf club, he tried to line it up with that of a large boulder in the distance.
After a few moments of futile effort, Capper shrugged, set his wine glass on the rough surface of a pegasus-in-flight’s severed neck, then pulled his club back. He bit his lip in concentration, mentally going through the process to execute a perfect swing.
“What in the name of sun are you doing?!”
Glancing up, he saw Fancy Pants come out of his mansion, a flabbergasted expression on his face. “Golf,” Capper replied. He returned his focus to his head ball.
He swung.
The head went sailing through the air with a crack, well off course from the direction of the rock. It hit the town sign, causing it to fall forward and impact in the dirt with a loud “thwump” and cloud of dust — Capper had to assume that was the sound, as he wasn’t close enough to the impact to be able to discern the exact noise made.
Several Klugetown locals drinking beer outside the local dive bar up on the nearby cliff cheered raucously at the display.
“I can see that!” Fancy exclaimed as his wife joined him, her expression equally shocked. “Why are you playing golf? And, for that matter, why are you using my lawn ornaments?”
Spying a nearby unicorn statue with a still-intact head, Capper sauntered over, swinging his club in lazy circles with a paw. “Why not?” he asked.
In lieu of Fancy, who just spluttered noise, Fleur cut in annoyed, “because it's not your property?”
“Actually,” — Capper brandished his club like a hammer, lining up the swing with the neck of the statue — “this is my property.”
“How?!” Fleur shouted, her face becoming flushed. “We own this—”
“You do not,” Capper interjected.
“What?! Do not what?!” Fleur screeched.
“Own it. The property, specifically.” Capper swung, severing the pony head clean off the body of the statue with a crack of stone. Cheering followed. “Really should have read that contract you signed more carefully. Through some fun shenanigans in the fine print, I now own this entire lot.”
“E-excuse me?!” Fancy spluttered. “That is preposterous. I read no such—”
“Subsection 5: Intentions,” Capper interrupted as he carried the head to his golf tee, squaring the head with the exact center. He eyed the rock once more in the distance, narrowing them in annoyance, as he still hadn’t managed to hit it. “You violated it,” he added.
“How?!” Fancy threw his hooves up, his monocle popping off of his face. He stomped towards Capper as the Abyssinian readied to swing. “What intentions have I broken? I bought this property as a temporary vacation home, which I know is perfectly acceptable within the constraints of your contract! So, I will require some form of explanation as to what intentions you think I have.”
“As the lead Aristocat of Klugetown, I may reclaim property in which the owner has intentions that do not align with Klugetown values.” He pulled his club back.
“I have no such—” Fancy started.
“Sorry, you’re right, you do not.” Capper swung, hitting the unicorn square on the muzzle. “I meant your wife’s.”
The head soared through the air, completely missing the boulder and instead hitting the sign hanging above the bar on the upper cliff level. The bar patrons excitedly cheered as more alcohol was consumed amongst the crowd and money was exchanged between several betting parties.
“My wife?!” Fancy exclaimed indignantly. He stomped his hooves, righteous anger coursing through him.
Fleur released an offended noise. “I am insulted that you would—”
“I do not allow renting schemes in Klugetown,” Capper bluntly stated as Fleur’s light coat went paler than it already was. “Don’t think I don’t know about your little back room dealings to upsell Fancy’s properties for exorbitant prices behind his back.”
Fancy turned back to look at Fleur, his fury finding a new target as his face began to redden.
“He’s lying,” Fleur said, her voice tinged with sickeningly sweet poison. “I would never do that, love. I put it all in the past. If you would just—”
“You told me you wouldn’t do this again.” Fancy stomped back to his wife, looming over her as he drew himself up to his full height, shaking in place with barely concealed rage. “You promised you would never do it again.”
“I didn’t!” Fleur pleaded, shrinking against Fancy’s intimidating presence. “Let’s go inside and discuss this. I can show you that this is all just a ruse by that damned cat.”
“Make sure to ask her about Jet Set,” Capper added as he leaned on his club.
“Listen, you— !”
Fancy stomped his hooves before Fleur, silencing her outburst. “Go inside!” he yelled. “I will deal with you shortly.” As Fleur trudged back into the house, her body betraying her nervousness, Fancy turned back to Capper. “I will be looking into this, but rest assured, if I find out you were lying, Princess Twilight will be hearing about this.”
Capper gave a deep bow at his waist, sweeping his free hand out in a placating gesture.
Giving a dismissive snort, Fancy turned to leave, calling back over his shoulder, “And stop breaking my statues! They were expensive!”
As the doors shut behind Fancy’s retreating figure, Capper gestured to the rowdy crowd of bar-goers above. “Any suggestions for whom I should hit next?” He shouted.
“The farmer!” One patron screamed over the cacophony.
Grinning widely, Capper walked to the aforementioned statue and readied to swing.
“How've you been, Hen?” Capper asked as he inspected his claws casually. “Do anything crazy recently?”
The Abyssinian in question, a weaselly type with small features that did nothing but accentuate the grossness of his expressions, gulped. “Pretty good, ya know? Business running smoothly, profits soaring…” he bit his lips nervously as he trailed off. “How ‘bout you, Cap?”
“Not great. Not great at all.” He eyed the half-full glass he had placed on a nearby barrel, opting to leave it for now. “Got some bad news this week.”
“O-oh?” Hen asked, a tremor in his voice. “Money running low?”
“As the head,” he emphasized the word, drawing it out, “of the town, I have money so long as Klugetown has buildings. So, no. That isn’t my problem.”
“A friend of yours got into some trouble?” Hen ventured.
“Hen, really. You—” Capper paused as he stared at Hen in surprise, “—oh! Actually, yes that is my problem. I’m a bit surprised you came to that conclusion so quickly. Though,” he returned to inspecting his claws, “friend might be a bit too strong of a word.”
“An acquaintance then?”
“Yeah!” Capper snapped his fingers, a wide grin on his face. “That. An acquaintance of mine got into a spot of trouble and it made me mad.”
“I-I suppose that I may have had something to do with it?” Hen asked, apprehensively.
“You actually did! How did you know?”
Hen shrugged helplessly as he gestured to the two beefy minotaurs on either side of him. Both sported hard glares with their arms crossed in front of them. The very picture of thugs meant to pound victims into a paste.
“Of course, them. Well, don’t worry yet, we’ll come back to them.” He stepped off the wall and sauntered the short distance towards Hen, looming over his kneeling form. “Here’s a question: did you kill off an earth pony stallion recently?”
“Yeah, but he was asking for it, Cap! He— !”
Capper closed his claw in a shutting motion, causing Hen to immediately clam up. “Why’d you kill him in the hospital?”
“Because he shouldn’t have even lived the first time around,” Hen answered.
Leaning in closely, Capper smiled widely. “You know, Hen, I appreciate the honesty. You’re wonderfully blunt, considering you know where all of this is going.”
“Look, Capper, I didn’t know he was one of your buddies!” Hen pleaded. “But ya gotta believe me when I tell you he had it coming. He was a real brute, always picking on us in the lower rungs and—”
Grabbing him by the scruff of his neck, Capper interrupted Hen by pulling him up and close to his face. “He didn’t deserve to die for it, especially after the beating you gave him the first time around.” He squeezed tighter around Hen’s neck. “Normally, I’d have you dead, but, since we all make mistakes, I’m just going to teach you a lesson, and, if you know what’s good for you, it’ll stick. Got it?”
Hen nodded his head as best he could.
“Great!” Capper happily exclaimed as he dropped Hen to the ground. “Now, the lesson I will impart to you is to not dredge up old grudges. The teaching of said lesson shall be deferred.” Capper grabbed his glass off the barrel and took a big gulp of its contents. Once finished, he smashed the glass onto the ground. “Don’t kill him.”
With Hen dealt with, Capper left the alleyway, Hen’s screams from his lesson plan following in his wake.
Capper chugged down another glass of wine. He’d lost count of how many he had drunk some time around noon, but, if he had to give a guess, he would say he was somewhere around a third keg in terms of volume. This was secondary to the horrific caterwauling coming from his own mouth as he sang along to a jug band. The crass patrons laughed uproariously as the bartender kept the drinks running freely.
“Capper?! Capper!” A voice called out. “What are you doing?! Get off of there!”
“Vintage! Come on up and join me!” Capper stretched out his paw towards the nervous Abyssinian, who shrunk away from him. “Oh, come on, don’t be a wet hairball. Let loose and join in the fun!”
“T-this— !” Vintage hunched himself up and swiveled his head, taking in the mass of dancing bodies around him. “It isn’t proper!”
“Honestly, Vintage. This is why—”
“Get down, now!”
Capper and Vintage both turned towards a fuming Velvet and laughing Tilt. She stood ramrod straight, her paws clenched, a look of fury across her face. “I won’t repeat myself,” she added.
Rolling his eyes, Capper leaped off the stage and was shortly replaced by another rowdy drunk who sang just as terribly as Capper had.
“Wow, that’s awful,” Capper commented as he saddled up next to Velvet, handing his empty wine glass to a nearby server.
“You are hardly one to judge,” Velvet hissed. “Follow me.”
Velvet stomped off, followed by a nonchalant Capper. When Vintage and Tilt attempted to follow, Velvet spun around. They shrunk against her withering gaze. “Not you two,” she said.
“Then what do we do?” Tilt asked.
“I don’t care!” Velvet snapped. “Just do it away from us.”
Both toms looked apprehensive, but soon wandered off towards the bar. Velvet grabbed Capper’s sleeve and dragged him after her, with Capper purposefully digging in his heels to make the endeavor as difficult as possible. After a short trek through the back rooms, she threw him into an empty room, slamming the doors behind them.
“What is going on?!” She shouted, jabbing a finger towards Capper’s chest.
“Well, I was trying to hit a high C, but—”
“Oh, claw off!” Velvet exclaimed, waving her hand in frustration. “I’m talking about what happened earlier with Fancy Pants and Hen. What were you thinking?!”
“I was thinking…” Capper trailed off as he scratched at his chin. He thought about his approach and decided that the truth was best. “I wanted to win.”
He felt a stinging sensation in his face as Velvet slapped him clean across the face. He rubbed the welt that formed before returning his gaze to the furious queen before him.
“Are you a moron?!” She shrieked. “I had thought you were one of the smarter ones, but I clearly see that is not the case! Your acting out will do nothing but bring the crown’s might down upon us.”
He grinned lazily. “Are you sure of that?”
“Am I—” Velvet released a sound of pure frustration, a cross between a growl and a cat’s shriek. “You are throwing a tantrum!”
“Yes,” Capper agreed, “to win.”
“Win what?!” Velvet hissed, her eyes dilating in rage.
“What we both want,” Capper explained casually.
“And what, pray tell, do you think we both want? A keg of wine to drown out this stupidity?”
“A free Klugetown,” Capper stated bluntly.
That single sentence froze Velvet in her tracks. Tension raced through her body as fur stood on end and she leaned away from him. “I-I don’t—”
Capper closed the gap between them, shoving his face close to Velvet’s. “Don’t even try to play innocent, you see it just as much as I do and are just as frustrated by it. You know it’s only a matter of time before we become a pony town.”
Velvet drew herself up. “Of course I’m aware, Capper. I don’t have the luxury of ignorance as the others do. However, I don’t see how throwing a kittenish fit is going to—”
“Fleur was the lynchpin of the upselling market. With Fancy now aware, he’ll stop Fleur and act as a solid barrier against the others. He’s a goodie goodie like that.”
“Okay, but what about—”
“Hen?” Capper quirked an eyebrow. “You don’t really care about him, do you?”
“He’s scum,” Velvet said bluntly, “and deserved what came for him. I just don’t understand why you were the one to deal with it.”
“To set a precedent,” Capper said. “We can’t have him killing off all those workers you’ve been recruiting.” Velvet took in a sharp breath of air. “And…” he trailed off as he surveyed the room, frowning when he didn’t find what he wanted. “Is there any wine in here?”
“No, and you won’t have any until we’re finished speaking. What is the ‘and’?”
With a weary sigh, Capper continued, “I showed the others that there are consequences to acting on old grudges. A very public punishment to show that money can’t save you from everything. They’ll think twice before trying that kind of stunt again.”
“Not if you get tossed out of office for misconduct by the Princess,” Velvet scoffed.
Capper stared at Velvet impassively. Velvet stared back. Comprehension slowly dawned on her face. “You…” she started before trailing off.
“This is an important question, and I need you to be honest with me,” Capper said, his tone severe. “None of the product can be traced back to you?”
“No, since I was never directly involved. I had Tilt and Vintage for that.”
“Good,” Capper replied.
There was a moment of silence as thoughts swirled about them.
“This plan is insane,” Velvet said.
“I know,” Capper agreed.
“This is more ridiculous than any of your schemes from the old days.”
“Obviously.”
Another bout of silence followed.
“You’re going to need something bigger,” Velvet said as she walked past him and reached behind several stacked boxes. “Something to really catch their interest. You remember the new park installation?”
“I do,” Capper said, curious as to what Velvet was grabbing.
She came back out, dragging a sledgehammer behind her. She proffered the handle towards Capper. “It just got erected today. You should go see it.”
“Excellent.” Capper chuckled. “I never liked that statue.”
Capper woke up in a daze, his eyes immediately being drawn to the severed marble heads of Princess Twilight and some earth pony that was probably important, but he couldn’t be bothered to remember. He furrowed his brow, trying to figure out what had woken him, then perked his ears as the distinctive sound of knocking echoed through his home.
Smiling, he got out of bed, threw on his usual finery, and walked to the door, gingerly stepping over the sledgehammer Velvet had given him.
A short walk through his far-too-big abode brought him to the front door of his home. Before the next wave of knocks could begin, he grabbed the handles and swung them open to reveal a familiar face, one hoof raised in preparation to knock.
“Rarity,” Capper greeted simply.
“What in Tartarus have you done?” She answered.
Capper’s grin widened.
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drag them hard my guy this is deserved rariety and her cohorts need to be knocked down a peg to remind others that this town isn't simply free land Equestria 1.1 expansion like they did with the buffalos oh no that not gonna fly or give a pie and party to make people happy and harmony all in one bloody day!
Capper doing what he does best
nice
Oh I love this. "Capper, Liberator" of Klugetown" as a nice ring to it.
What will he do next? Put money in projects that are actually important for improving the town for real? Would he be able to wrangle all the corruption to do so?
11298487
I don't really see the Elements as "High and Mighty" and needed punished, but reminded the aristocrats in general suck (For ever Fancy Pants there are 10 Jet Sets) and Capper is going to need to be ruthless in some cases. I am sure a little discussion with Celestia and Luna is all Twilight will need to remind her that friendship includes realizeing your friends are diffrent from you and need to things thier own way. Also yeah she had to do things the hard way and Capper needs the freedom it do it too.
But again change is hard, and corruption never fully goes away. There are going to be sever growing pains.
in a super grimdark fic this would be a literal pony head, but the head of a pony statue i assume this is is very fitting to the situation
and Capper using contractual shenanigans on the Equestrians is just perfect
a very useful clause!
of course Henny would only understand Capper's problems in the context of the ones he knows
it's really fascinating that since Capper's power over the Klugetowners is so absolute, the nature of his problems are a fractal microcosm of Twilight's. the dead stallion, as it turns out, is not "not his problem" after all, as long as he can do something about it.
ooh this is scheming at its best, love to see it
ooh, burn on Applejack
well that is exciting!