Luna : Combat
Properly utilizing magic in a combat environment was drastically different from making use of it in everyday life. One must be swift and decisive when both channeling and casting any type of spell during a conflict. Hesitation in battle could cost one a limb... or much worse. On the contrary, a spell cast without proper consideration could be just as costly. It was an incredibly delicate balance.
Combat sense came from years of experience, something that was in low supply in the current era. Equestrians were ignorant of life or death conflict. Too long had peace and friendship dominated the land. Too long had war become taboo amongst the citizens of the land. For some unfathomable reason, even the villains did not seek to kill their adversaries.
Not once were we ever threatened with death. Capture and subjugation were the evils thrust upon my sister and I. Twilight Sparkle destroyed those unwritten rules when she hurt Tia. I would show her the horrors of true conflict.
I was directly in front of her in a flash, crouched low and ready to inflict as much damage as possible. As I moved I summoned a black thundercloud in the air behind her as a distraction of sorts. It sent a bolt of lightning arcing against the magenta barrier that was protecting her. The attack drew her attention away from me, if only momentarily, fulfilling its purpose. Before she could react any further, I launched a beam of dark blue energy from the tip of my horn at her face. Initially, her smug smile persisted, that is, until my magic pierced her barrier without any resistance whatsoever. She jerked her head to the left at the very last second, barely managing to evade, the stream of energy causing several strands of her mane to be incinerated instantly. Her expression was suddenly tinged with irritation.
Before another bolt of lightning could find its mark, she slipped out of existence with a poof of magical smoke. After a few seconds, she still had not appeared anywhere before me so the logical thing to do would be for her to appear in one place. I teleported a few yards behind myself. She was in front of me, facing the direction I had been a second ago, directly behind me had I remained in place. Moving into my blind spot would normally make perfect sense, but not in this fight, not against me.
It was far too obvious a tactic for somepony of my fighting credentials. I summoned a pillar of magic from the ground beneath her, launching her high into the sky. The strength of my spell had obliterated her barrier with no issues. As she flailed into the air I could hear her yelps of pain.
Like music to my ears.
She regained her composure before glaring down at me, filled with loathing. I unfolded my wings and flapped hard, meeting her eye to eye before flapping slowly to maintain my elevation. She hovered in place, her wings not involved. Magic could be used to fly in battle, but that was usually frowned upon by anypony with sense. Because most magical duels required one hundred percent of one's mana capacity to win, wasting magic on flight could, in theory at least, cost one dearly. However, the advantages of wingless flight were numerous: easier maneuverability made evasion way less calculating, folded wings meant a smaller target for attacks, and more physical options with wings themselves, were just a few of the benefits.
Twilight refusing to use her wings felt more like a challenge than an actual strategy. I folded my wings inward and floated in front of her.
No excuses.
"Well, at least you're not a pushover," her cocky smile was back in full force. I would tear it off her foolish muzzle if it was the last thing I did. Despite that pledge, I was a bit calmer now, my successful attack satisfying me to a degree, so I decided to play her foalish game.
"Did you truly expect to ambush me so easily?" I laughed, trying to sound more smug than the purple princess.
"Can you blame me? It probably would've worked against somepony like that idiot Celestia," she shrugged. Well, I had been calming down. I knew her intention was to cause me to make a mistake. It worked. I shot forward, right into the grasp of her telekinetic spell. She had been prepared this time, her horn glowing magenta with the force of her magic. She held me firmly in place. "If you're this easy to goad this won't take very long, Princess." She was quite pleased with herself. I looked around at the twinkling magenta aura containing me.
"Congratulations, you have captured me. What of it?" I was not concerned in the slightest. I rarely blocked or avoided telekinesis in a fight. It did not do anything severe until motion became a factor. Either throwing the target into or at something, or compressing the target until they were a bloody pile of mush. None had the ability to do such things to me... perhaps Celestia. I locked myself in place with my magic, an immovable fortress. I felt the force of her mana against my defense.
Pointless.
She moved her head this way and that, her frustration growing at my lack of cooperation. Once she realized I could not be manipulated so easily she changed her strategy. She constricted the spell as hard as she could, the exertion making her horn grow brighter by the second.
The pressure was minimal at best. With a confused tilt of my head and a small flare of my magic, I thrust my wings outward, her spell shattering in colorful shards of light, clearly frustrating her more than she would ever let on.
"Why are you s-" I grabbed her in my own telekinesis before she could finish speaking. If she was actually trying to fight off my spell, it was not apparent. I moved her up, she went up. I moved her left, she went left. I moved her right, she went right. The entire time her gaze was locked on me, dripping with a hatred that could make the bravest guard run home to their mother. I laughed heartily.
"You know Twilight, if you are this weak this really will be a short fight," I grinned at her motionless body. Her eyes narrowed into slits. If looks could kill, I would have definitely been six feet under. I sent her high into the sky before plummeting her down into the unforgiving ground, dispelling my spell the instant before she crashed. The explosion and her groan were both glorious, dirt, grass, and rocks flung in every direction. As the chaos cleared, the princess glared up at me angrily, her horn sparkling magenta.
"Annoying." She was doing a decent job controlling her emotions, but her voice was beginning to fill with more venom. If she insisted on playing this game, I would not protest. She stood in the large crater created by her body, looking much worse for wear, but nothing appearing to be broken.
How unfortunate.
In spite of that, my smile grew wider.
Another attack from my blind spot?
Foolishness, Twilight. Foolishness.
I spun around and blasted the three star shaped projectiles that spiraled at my barrier.
An attack so weak was definitely meant only as a distraction, therefore it had to be... I whirled back around, infusing my barrier with a little more mana. Twilight's energy slammed into the dark blue wall, not even scratching it.
A pincer attack?
Not bad, she is learning.
In the long run, that could prove troublesome for me. Two more magical stars hit my barrier on either side of me. They were still too weak to deal any real damage, but they had caught me off guard.
Then a third star hit my barrier from behind, then a fourth from above, then a fifth, sixth, seventh. Countless stars flew at my barrier dealing little to no damage.
Is she serious?
I initially thought this could be fun, but I was starting to get bored.
"ENOUGH!" I roared in my Royal Canterlot Voice, the reverberations of my vocal chords disintegrating every single star she had thrown. With a smirk I looked back down at... nothing? She was gone. Retreat? No, not without putting more effort into our scuffle. Behind then? No, she was learning and not an imbecile. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. If I had no clue where she was, then sensing her was the most logical option I had.
I waited for minutes, nothing happening other than a gentle breeze blowing around me.
Wait! How did I miss that?
The mass of hatred was astonishingly dark, even greater than mine had been when the Nightmare first possessed me. It moved slowly, this way and that, attempting to get closer to me. I acted ignorant until it was mere feet away.
Three... Two...
I opened my eyes, using telekinesis to catch the weapon that was thrust at my skull. It was a flaming magenta spear, long and blindingly bright. It had bypassed my barrier with ease, now only an inch away from sinking into the bone between my eyes.
"Tch!" She was right in front of me, the camouflage hiding her from sight slowly dissipating, revealing her displeased face. "That would've been enough, I think." The words were not directed at me, they were simply an observation.
"You would..." While I may have been angry already, I still held back out of respect for my sister, but Twilight's attack had suddenly escalated things.
No more.
"HOW DARE YOU!" I bellowed. A notch above the Royal Canterlot Voice, my Dragons Roar was a magically enhanced vibration of my vocal chords designed to inflict bodily injury. While the Royal Canterlot Voice had been created for speaking in public, I created my Dragons Roar exclusively for one on one conflicts. If an ally were too close, I could not ensure their safety when I utilized it. Where the Royal Canterlot Voice could stagger or push away, my Dragons Roar could rend flesh and fracture bone. Twilight tried to project a barrier, but her meager attempt was as a leaf in the way of a blade.
She was sent sailing, slamming into the ground again and again and again, before tumbling to a stop in a crumpled heap. I landed a safe distance from her motionless body. That would not be enough to best the genius alicorn and chosen successor of my sister.
"Stay down, Princess, perhaps I shall be merciful, for my sister's sake." She stirred, then shakily stood to her hooves, covered in dirt. She turned toward me, small cuts on her face slowly beginning to heal of their own accord.
"That. hurt." She was smug no longer, only thick hatred radiating from the alicorn.
"It was meant to," I narrowed my eyes, crouching into a combative stance.
"I guess I was wrong," she huffed. "I really can't do this without it." I was not sure if she was trying to throw me off, but it would not work.
"Nothing can save you now, Twilight Sparkle, short of Celestia herself intervening on your behalf ," I growled.
She spat blood at her hooves. "We'll see," she forced foreign mana into her horn. It bubbled green before turning jet black, even the chime different, far more sinister. "Give up any hope of making it back alive." My senses screamed at me to be cautious.
Perhaps this will be more fun than I thought.
I began to tremble with excitement, my instincts going to a place they had not been in more than one thousand years.
"I have cut short the lives of beings you cannot fathom," I sunk my hooves into the dirt. "Your life," The amount of energy I conjured generated massive dark blue flames from my horn. "means nothing..."
"You're not weak, I will grant you that." As she spoke, black smoke wafted from the end of her horn. "Let's see who you are without all that strength, shall we." A small cloud at first, the mana billowed and warped into a thick fog, swallowing the entire valley and making vision impossible to use.
"Petty tricks will do you no favors, Twilight Sparkle." I carefully watched the fog as she disappeared from sight, completely consumed by the spell. I enhanced my barriers, creating an air tight seal as well as bolstering its magical defense. Red flags, too many to count rose in my mind, but I was no coward. Retreat was not an option. The fog infiltrated my shield with no problem. Before I realized, nature had ceased. There was no more sunlight and no more wind. Even the grass under hoof had vanished, replaced with a cold hard floor. I stemmed the flow of my magic, it obviously being useless under the current conditions.
"There are no tricks here," Her deceitful voice came from within my own head, delighted cackles echoing repeatedly.
Troubling.
"Let's have a nice, peaceful chat, shall we?" she taunted. If I could not find her based on sound, there was always another way. I closed my eyes again, concentrating. If she was nearby I would find her. Instead my eyes shot open as a shudder ran through my body. Hatred more dense than I had ever seen completely surrounded me, clinging to my body and drenching the atmosphere. It was blubbery and undulating, moving with moist squelches and labored breathing.
"You appear to have me at a disadvantage. Speak, coward," frustration painted my words.
What an unscrupulous tactic.
A small explosion of pain ripped through my head. I endured the pain.
"Oh Luna, don't be so mad. We're not so different, you and I." Her laughs were becoming more effective at stirring my anger.
"Nothing could be further from the truth," I turned in place, though there was little point. A gnawing sensation ripped into the flesh above my hooves, causing me to bite down hard.
Endure it, Luna! You must endure it!
Mental attacks were my greatest weakness. Bearing the brunt of their effects was the most efficient way for me to demoralize my opponent, but in reality, that was also my only option.
"Oh come on, how are my actions any different than yours?" her honey drenched words were infuriating. Before I could retort she went on. "You were jealous and unhappy, so am I. You wanted control of the kingdom, so do I. You attacked Celestia, so did I. How is this not the exact. same. THING?" Illusions of my rebellion shined in the darkness, emphasizing her point. I wanted to wring her neck, to deny her words. To have it all be vicious lies, but it was not... it was the truth.
"I was wrong!" my voice carried through the fog. It felt as if a burning hot blade plunged deep into my side. A resounding scream escaped my mouth, the blow dizzying me. Examining the flesh where I had felt the attack yielded no evidence of any wounds.
What manner of sorcery is this?
"Were you?" Her tone was thoughtful, observational once again. "See, that's where we disagree. Who's to say your rule wouldn't have been better?"
"Says I..." I said to myself but was sure she could hear. "Celestia has only ever been kind to me!" I said boldly. "She is a better leader than I could ever be!"
"I don't think you believe that." She was far too calm. It made me feel like a rat trapped in a cage being toyed with. "I think you're only saying that because you lost."
"I-"
"Would you have killed her, Luna?" I was rocked by her blunt question. An illusion of Sister's lifeless, bloodied body lay in front of me.
Tis not real. Tis NOT real.
"If she had failed in stopping you... would you have ended your big sister's life?" An imposter of me stood above Celestia's corpse, a look of euphoria on its face.
"NO! I would not, I-" I could not let her manipulate me, no matter the legitimacy of her claims, I had to fight. "I would have banished her!"
"You're nothing like Celestia." Her accusation was true and yet it still struck my heart.
"What do you mean?" As if that was not obvious. We were night and day.
"She's honest to a fault, I need to stop assuming you're similar." The second part of her statement seemed to slip out as she pressed on rather quickly. "You might be even worse than I am."
"W-what?" I cringed at the idea, though somewhere deep in the darkest depths of my heart I did not think it was too outlandish a claim.
"You've built a sturdy little house out of the lies you've told yourself," she hissed, finally losing her cool. "Haven't you?"
"That is not tr-"
"This was a foolish venture," she stated before the ringing of her magic grew deafening. The fog rolled back, revealing the beautiful valley once again. Twilight stood before me, her horn still shimmering black.
"What you said is not true! I am no liar!" I lied. A wry smile came to her lips.
"Does that actually bother you?" her eyes had changed, shifted to a much sharper, edged form. I bristled at what that could mean. I assumed it meant she was done playing games. "So foolish." She walked toward me, no fear or hesitation coming from her. "A liar would never admit their worst habit," her voice came from my left.
Two?
"They're too busy lying," A third copy of her was suddenly behind me. "To ever come out of that comfy little house of theirs." A fourth now to my right. I was hedged in. "Now, how about we get rid of that troublesome barrier of yours?" They all spoke in unison.
Not good.
I was caught.
"You may try." I had just about as much of her mouth as I could take. I flared my magic into my horn, ready to continue my preferred style of battle. The Twilight ahead of me slung a dark black orb from her horn. It warped and bent reality like the fog, moving as slow as a sloth but steadily growing in both size and speed. I flew up into the air for only a second before colliding with a ceiling of warping black energy. The ball continued to creep my way, much like a feral wolf stalking its prey.
"Ah ah ah," one of the Twilight's shook her hoof back and forth, reprimanding me for trying to flee."I'm afraid there's no leaving the arena at the current time."
"You!?" I flew at her slamming my forehooves into the barrier between us. She was just outside of it, the pleasure she found at my distress enraging me. They were all safely watching my plight with glee, cackling like a bunch of hyenas. I attempted to teleport, but to no avail.
"Like I'd let you," a different Twilight cackled, pointing at her glowing horn with her hoof. I evaded the spell in the small space as best I could, however its speed was becoming preposterous.
Luna, you cannot keep this up forever.
I aimed my horn and fired at the projectile. My attack had no effect whatsoever, other than my blast being absorbed and making Twilight's orb larger.
"Stop resisting, Lulu," the last Twilight mocked. "Maybe if you do, I'll be merciful, for my own sake."
I planted my hooves, steeling my resolve.
"Do your worst!" I would not bow to the will of any unworthy creature. I would be defiant until the end.
"Oh, I plan to." Their uproarious laughter was only drowned out by the unreal agony I felt when the orb effortlessly passed through my barrier and pressed against my chest. I have experienced many types of pain. Emotional, physical, mental, even some forms I could not properly express. This sensation made them all look like foals play. Lightning coursed through me for what felt like hours, not stopping or giving any reprieve. My mouth lost all moisture, some electricity finding sanctuary within. Tears fell from my clenched eyes before they too dried out.
My screams had started off distorted and unnatural, almost electronic before they slowly turned to quiet whimpers as the spell drained me of all my strength. The orb lifted my shaking body off the ground, a loud bang finishing the spell and my torment. I fell to the dirt with a thud, lying on my side. Every other second a crackle of lightning coursed through me, causing me to convulse and not letting me rest or recover. The smell of burnt hair permeated the area, smoke rising from my charred body. It felt as if I had been cooked for far too long.
"That... hurt..." I said each word between a convulsion, a puff of black smoke leaving my dry mouth.
"Even through all of that you keep running that smart little mouth of yours." From what I could gather through the ringing in my ears, she was disappointed. I lifted myself from the ground, my body protesting the movement with additional pain. The convulsions threatened to foil my efforts, but I would not fall.
Never show weakness or frailty, Luna. No matter what.
Whichever Twilight I was facing was disgusted by my resilience... or the smell... I could not be certain which.
"I think I'll take that arrogant tongue of yours as a trophy," she covered her nose with a hoof, turning her head away.
So it is the smell.
A weakness. Terrible scents permeated a battlefield, if you let them influence your actions it could mean your downfall. That, along with her hesitation to finish me, were a lethal combination of errors.
"You. may. TRY!" I let my tongue hang from my mouth, swinging it back and forth. She growled, my taunt working far better than I imagined it would. I channeled an unreasonable amount of magic into my horn. I was exhausted. I was hurt. I was practically burnt to a crisp, but none of that was important. Nothing mattered in battle except victory, and I was not yet defeated. Twilight infused dark magic into her horn, but it was far too late. I would not let her stop me. The expulsion of energy from my horn blasted out in an iridescent sphere of navy blue power. All I was aware of were the gasps around me that stopped abruptly as my magic passed through their owners.
Tis enough.
I ended the spell, the original Twilight Sparkle projecting a tattered barrier in front of herself. She stood weakly, one eye open, the other shut due to a bleeding cut. Her chest heaved as she struggled for oxygen, though I was in no position to gloat. I could not say with certainty if I was more tired now or staying awake caring for Tia over the past week.
"How?" she said through labored breaths. "How can you still have this much magic?"
"The fact that you are not dead is proof enough that I should take you seriously." I took a deep breath and stood to my full height spreading my wings. It was my turn to be finished with games. "I will show you something truly special, Twilight Sparkle." She recoiled. "Tell me, are you privy to the phases of my moon?"
"Of course I am! That's grade school stuff. What do you take me for?" I had struck her pride. The successful barb curled my lips into a sneer.
"Then today you shall become... more intimately familiar." I floated into the air, the whispers of my spell filling the air.
"You know you're awfully cocky for someone who's in worse shape tha..." She trailed off as my coat began to illuminate a bright shimmering silver. The dirt that covered me fell away, my cuts and wounds instantly healing. I stared down at her, my smile growing as my horn was bathed in silver moonlight.
"The arrival of our moon blesses us with her vitality," I chanted to myself, or perhaps it was a prayer, I was never sure. "The third phase..." My moon appeared above the battlefield, only half of it visible. The light cascaded onto me, revitalizing me and renewing my strength. As my moon faded from existence I landed back on the ground, not a speck of grime or injury on me.
"N-no... no way..." Twilight's jaw hung open, her eyes the size of my moon. "That's not possible," she dropped to her rump, a droplet of my true power too much for her mind to comprehend.
"Be on thy guard, Princess. This battle is not finished yet." I would not use tricks or deceit to win. This was a matter of honor as far as I was concerned. Her face contorted into a wrathful grimace.
"So much disgusting integrity." She stood, the bubbling greenish black aura coming back to her horn. "I swear It'll be your downfall."
It was time to take control. Silver moonlight pulsed from my horn. "Our moon cannot be resisted, its beauty is beyond all comprehension. The fifth phase..." She took form just above the two of us, this time whole and sparkling with lunar energy. Twilight stared up in adoration, already hypnotized by my spell. I charged my energy quickly. Phase five was short, lasting a minute at most.
With Twilight's level of strength, she would break free in a quarter of that. Dark blue mana flowed from my horn, the cone unable to contain the massive amount of power. My entire body became coated in roiling blue flames, the warmth exhilarating. This would put an end to the fight, but just in case, I raised an amplification barrier around myself. It also glowed blue and was covered in ancient runes.
THIS will put an end to the fight.
I aimed true, directly at the purple alicorn, bracing myself at the coming force. As I let my attack fly, I was pushed backwards, holding the ground tightly with another spell so that I would not be flung backwards. The beam was a massive cone of radiant destruction, a loud screech emanating from it. As it passed through my own enhancement barrier it focused back down from a cone to a pillar becoming much more accurate and deadly. The energy penetrated her barrier before promptly overwhelming her completely.
She had no opportunity to do anything. My moon demanded attention and Twilight was blessed to be the one to give hers. As the blast slowly diffused I chuckled at the chaos it had caused. My moon was gone, the phase long completed. The destroyed swath of earth stretched in front of me as far as my eyes could see.
Twilight's lifeless body lay on its side in the dirt, several meters away. Upon closer inspection, I could see the rise and fall of her chest.
Tis admirable to endure an attack of that magnitude, Twilight.
Celestia knew how to select an apprentice. I trotted over to her, igniting my horn and surrounding the prone alicorn in silver wisps of moonlight. If her horn so much as twitched I would not hesitate to take action.
"An impressive display of skill, Twilight Sparkle, but it is time for you to surrender." She unsteadily stood to her hooves, despite the threat of impending death. Her eyes were back to normal, yet still full of rage, her horn void of any signs of life.
This fight is over.
"I yield," she hissed through gritted teeth, her gaze downcast.
"We would have a royal proclamation of thine surrender." I exerted more energy, the wisps of moonlight blinking and changing in opacity. Her rage was delicious, the taste of my victory well earned.
"I," she could barely speak through the grinding of her teeth. "Princess Twilight Sparkle, hereby forfeit this battle." I dropped the magic around her.
Finally, some sense.
"Twilight, see reason," my voice came out firm. The peaceful home Celestia and I had made came to my mind. Tia's terrified episode in Cadance's bedchamber passed through my mind as well. As my anger began to swell I recalled one final memory, my sister pulling me into a hug after I had been exorcised of the Nightmare. Despite my hatred. Despite my selfishness. Despite my evil. Despite all of the wrong I had done... she loved. I sighed, my anger evaporating swiftly. "We all make mistakes, Twilight. I believe I have authority on that subject. But my sister's heart bleeds forgiveness... even for monsters like you and I." My tears flowed, undesired and incessant. "Come back to us, Twilight. Nothing has been lost that cannot be recovered."
The ruler of Equestria was stunned.
"Y-you... you'd still pursue peace..." she was as confounded by my actions as I. "After all I've done?"
"Tia loves you, Twilight," I approached her cautiously. "We all do." She dropped her gaze to the ground once again.
"I... I can't..." Her voice was a decibel above a whisper.
"Why, Twilight?" What was driving her so mercilessly?
"Nothing will change!" she looked me in the eyes. The desperation I saw deep within her rattled me. And then, I noticed. I had let my guard down. Her spell was complete before I could think of countering, her horn a swirling mixture of magenta and black. "I might be on my last legs, but alicorn blood is the most potent source of magical fuel."
"Twilight, our quarrel is over, have you no honor?" I shouted over the hum of her horn. Our blood could be used to amplify anypony's spells to near immortal levels of power.
Where had she gotten...
My eyes widened in realization.
"My honor means nothing if everyone I love ends up dead," her horn flashed brilliantly as she cast her spell. The world was overcome by shadow, something to my rear totally blocking out my sister's sun. I turned slowly, my ears drooping along with every other part of me that could at the enormity of what I came to face.
I nearly fell on my back trying to bring the entire being into view, just its maw large enough to fill my vision completely. Whatever it was, it made Canterlot look like a small shack on a hill. As its mouth opened to reveal rows and rows of jagged teeth, I finally fell onto my back. My brain could not process the danger I was in, still trying to come to a conclusion on what the monstrous being was. In the back of its throat a gout of black and crimson flame began to flicker to life.
And then it was upon me. With a soul shearing roar the undulating flames encompassed me entirely. I lifted my forelegs and produced the strongest barrier I could in such a scant period of time. It held for but a moment, the stream of fire melting it as if it were butter. The flames were otherworldly, the heat unbearable. I could not scream, could not move, could not even breathe. My forelegs fell to either side of me, the first hints of unconsciousness clouding my vision.
I did not burn. I did not melt. It felt as if I was simply fading away, my existence itself beginning to disappear, as if I was being erased from reality. My face was forced to the side, into the dirt, at the mercy of the flames. I could see my foreleg sparkling, disintegrating. It looked as if microscopic pieces of me were being teleported away from the rest of my body. The pain... I welcomed death with joy, anything to end the onslaught. What a relief it would be. This was not supposed to be. I had claimed victory. She had yielded.
"C-coward..." I closed my eyes, resigned to the horrid end fate had bestowed upon me.
Luna
The voice was unfamiliar yet inviting.
"Lulu."
My eyes shot open, all I could think of, Celestia. She had called my name, I heard it.
"Sis...ter?" Through the pain. Through the fire. Through the flames. Through everything, I forced a teleportation, thinking only of her. I blinked back into the crater that was once our home. She sat in front of me, facing away, her head slumped, mane and tail blowing in the not quite there wind. I tried to take a step forward, but was only able to reach out a transparent hoof.
"T-Tia..." I collapsed forward into the dirt, the void an alluring pillow I could no longer resist.
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You were concerned with your abilities to write a fight scene. I have to say that you managed to deliver. Luna made a huge mistake not finishing it when she had the chance.
I am surprised by how twisted Twilight had become. Luna feels so much hate in her. Does she now hate all living things because they remind her of what she's lost?
Anyway, really interested to see what Celestia will do next. The way I see it, she'll feel like she created this monster, now it's her responsibility to end it.
Until next time...
What an unbelievable chapter. I am so conflicted between rooting for Twilights destruction and Luna not giving into her anger and destroying her. Lunas “Coward” to Twilight was one of my favorite parts so far. Even “in death” she refuses to give in.
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Yeah fights are hard for me to translate from mind to text. Thanks for the compliment. Luna almost paid the ultimate price for that mistake, It still might come back to bite her later. Twilight is quite ruthless right now. She hasn't gotten a chapter in a while either. interesting assessment and theory. I really feel like Twilight is the most complex one I'm working on. Celestia has so much on her plate, hopefully she can handle it all. Thanks for the comment again! It really is motivating.
That's it. I'm breaking out of my silence. This has been amazing and interesting so far, aside from a few faults. This fight scene is one I'll definitely have to take notes from. I have not read many fics with fight scenes, especially good ones, so this was a surprising and welcoming read.
My personal gripes with the writing thus far are the walls of text. I find myself skipping through a few lines, or even a full wall, and have to continuously check myself and go back before continuing.
I, being a user of 12-pixel font on this site (located in settings), tend to stick to three lines per paragraph before skipping a line. Sometimes I'll use four, rarely five lines. Helps with not making the eyes blur the words and lose focus.
Another quick thing, though not as prevalent, is the use of periods at the ends of quoted sentences. Using something like this: "I yield," she hissed through gritted teeth, her gaze downcast, flows much better than this: "I yield." She hissed through gritted teeth, her gaze downcast. Since your mind doesn't try to pause your reading when passing over a comma. It's so simple, yet so effective. Use periods when starting new sentences after quoted sentences, and commas when it fits the example I gave early.
Hope this helps in your writing endeavors! This is one of the (criminally) few stories longer stories that keep me hooked. Likely due to me absolutely adoring the "Twilight Snapped" situation. Or really any situation in which an Alicorn "snaps".
Anyway, I'm eager to read these next chapters and see where this is taken. Keep at it.
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I truly appreciate your comment! The fact that you
are enjoying the story and gave me very good advice mean so much to me. I'll definitely try to utilize the pointers you gave me. I can see how the spacing thing can be troublesome and I've always struggled with punctuation and dialogue. Again thanks so much it really means more than you could imagine.
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This is a pretty good back-and-forth between Twilight and Luna. The beats you are going for are landed, I think. My favorite detail was Luna noticing how Twilight reacted to the smell of her cindered body, and using that to her own tactical advantage. Those sorts of little things are what make a great fight; all the explosions are just what happen in between.
11853295
Thank you for that. I appreciate the sentiment. I'm glad that part especially resonated. I was messing with tone here a lot and I'm still a little iffy about some of my choices, but I think it all worked out.