Celestia : Death
Stepping into my old room was equal parts nostalgic and frightening. It had been quite a while since I'd last been here. Twilight hadn't altered much, only my bed seemed to have been replaced, the rest of the furniture and decor either my old things, or less likely, identical replacements.
Despite the familiarity I felt, I'd never been so unnerved to be in my old quarters.
Meeting with my most faithful student, my best friend, should be cause for celebration, not discomfort. Yet today... today felt different. In some ways, it was like too many times before. Tragedy had brought me here yet again, but today... today it was much worse. Much more severe. I could not say what for sure, but I could sense something amiss. Thick sorrow permeated every inch of the room, creating an intense feeling of dread.
Only minutes ago, Luna and I had been prepping for a picnic when a dull ache began to swell in my chest. At first, I tried to ignore it, but it gradually grew until I could stave it off no longer. And then...
Twilight Sparkle. The pony I relied on for so much. The pony who'd brought my sister back from the darkness. The pony who'd united all of Equestria under one banner, sat at a desk, not moving or acknowledging my presence.
Her back to me, she didn't so much as turn or lift her head from the scroll she was feverishly scrawling on. Her head drooped as a faint magenta glow shined from her horn. Her shoulders slumped low. The feathers of her wings were disheveled and twitched erratically. It was as if gravity itself had become her enemy and was punishing her for countless egregious sins.
"Twilight?" Her name sounded hollow as it left my mouth.
Be kind, Celestia. Help her.
No matter what, I had to make things better. She shuddered at the sound of my voice as it shattered the silence. Taking a deep breath, she slowly lowered her quill.
"Princess...?" Her voice was trembling. I took a shaky step forward, wanting nothing more than to run to her side and embrace her, but knowing she would not want that. "Stop!" she thrust a hoof toward me without turning, the motion anchoring me in place. "Please, just... don't." The grief that accompanied her words chilled me to my core.
"I... I'm here, Twilight. I'm right here... If you need me." I had to be strong for her, but if I didn't know what the problem was, I couldn't offer her any help. "Twilight... what happened?" I didn't want to press too hard. That could be disastrous, but there would be no progress without some risk. She silently levitated a different scroll off of her desk and floated it to me, still not turning to face my way. I took the parchment into my own magic and unrolled it before reading the contents.
Princess Twilight, it is with a heavy heart that I write to inform you of an accident that has occurred today. Earlier this morning your student, Radiant Dawn, and two of her friends, Tambourine and Gale Wind, appear to have been caught up in what looks to be a rock slide or avalanche. No survivors-
My eyes locked onto the words. Two simple words that could change so much. What strength I had drained from me. I couldn't read on.
No survivors
I sat, or had my legs buckled from under me? The sudden delirium made it feel as if I might faint at any moment. I had to center myself or risk a broken veil or something so much worse. As the shock abated and my frayed nerves settled down, I forced myself to resume.
No survivors were found at the scene. No foul play is suspected at this time, though an official investigation is underway. As far as personal effects, all that could be recovered was the necklace included with this message. We will keep you posted with any updates that may be relevant. I am truly sorry, Your Highness. Your loyal subject, Corporal Frigid Hoof.
My eyes flicked over the text repeatedly in an endless loop, trying to make sense of it all.
No foul play? It was just bad luck? An unfortunate coincidence?
There was nothing to fight, nothing to solve? Nothing to rally against? The revelation hit me like a freight train. I had nothing to offer her. There was just... nothing, Only random chance and fate in all of it's cruelty. I lifted my eyes from the letter to look at her, unsure of myself.
"Twilight..." her name caught in my throat. I had to do, to say something, anything, but I didn't know enough about Radiant Dawn to comfort her. We'd not met in all the years she'd been Twilight's pupil. I'd withdrawn from my faithful student to an unreasonable degree, too scared to meddle in affairs I felt could possibly make things worse.
What if I pushed her back into the darkness she'd escaped from? What if I messed everything up again, just as I had with... I could not. I would not. I sent her so many letters in a pathetic attempt to make up for my absence. I made no friendly visits, seldom meeting with her at all if I could avoid it. Twilight never forced the issue, even if my change in behavior really had bothered her. She kept her feelings locked deep inside. Not once did she confront me about it, though I knew I was causing her so much pain.
We only ever came together if royal business was to be discussed. Even then, I was a lifeless husk of a pony, too fearful of doing or saying the wrong thing, too terrified of causing her further grief, yet knowing I was doing exactly that all the while. And now I sat before her in her greatest moment of need, possibly the most crucial moment of her life, with my hooves empty.
"She was so much like me... Her enthusiasm, her love of literature, her..." she faltered. Listening was all I could do, so I waited with bated breath. "All I needed to show her, to give her, was self-confidence. She was so scared of failing, so scared of disappointing me." A sniffle followed by a frail chuckle met my ears. "Just like I was with you when I was young." Her head lifted to stare up at the ceiling. "She was special, more than anypony I'd ever met. I could see it, maybe the same way you saw something inside of me, but... now..." her voice failed her again. Twilight's words cut to my core. The pain. The grief. The sadness. They were all far too familiar.
I couldn't help but make connections to myself. When I'd banished my sister all seemed lost. Part of my soul, my heart, had been locked inside her moon, but there was a tiny sliver of hope somewhere deep inside of me. Eventually I would see her again. I knew it to be true. It had to be, I could not accept otherwise, but this? This wasn't fair. What hope did Twilight have? What hope could I offer her?
What would I have done had my sister been exiled forever?
What if I had...
My mind couldn't comprehend such questions, the thought alone enough to make my countenance fall. Luna and I had been together for millennia. Losing her...
"Princess Celestia..." The quiet voice was delicate, a jewel that might shatter at the slightest contact. I raised my head, the sight before me putting my heart in a vice that felt as if it was slowly squeezing shut. She finally faced me, her eyes weary and bloodshot, her tears cascading to the floor. Her mane was a mess, void of the ethereal movement it typically flowed with. Her ears were pressed flat against the top of her head. Her body trembled as if she were in an earthquake all her own. "W-what should... wh-wh..." she hid her face behind a hoof, trying to stifle the cries. She couldn't. "What am I s-supposed to d-do?" she bawled, desperately trying to wipe away the tears with her forelegs, but to no avail. "It hurts... I-it hurts so much." Twilight Sparkle, the ruler of all Equestria, my very best friend, and the pony I'd unshakeable confidence in, hunched before me like a lost foal that couldn't find her parents, sobbing uncontrollably. My mouth wouldn't move. I couldn't move my body. I had no clue what to do. I was utterly useless.
Yet, it was at times like these that I'd trained to steel myself. A ruler was to be a rock, the solid foundation for all of their kingdom to rest upon. I'd been that rock for ages, solitary and immovable.
Thousands upon thousands of tragedies had I presided over, never once flinching, never once wearing my heart on my sleeve. I took a deep uneven breath and reminisced on my own past. I'd helped ponies come back from the brink more times than I could count, but I'd also failed just as many, if not more. In all my existence there'd always been one unchangeable fact. I tried. No matter what, I always tried.
Brace your jaw! Furrow your brow! Set your eyes! Now speak, Celestia!
"Twilight," my voice came out soft as silk, but bore an undercurrent of flint. She locked eyes with mine, the tone of my voice seemingly catching her unawares. I clenched my jaw tighter, keeping my mask securely in place. "I don't have the answers you seek."
"You can't-" she sniffled, my reply not satisfying her. "Please. I... I need-" I lifted a hoof, halting her plea.
"I don't have the answers you seek, but what I do have, is yours." Confusion took her, but I continued. "You are Twilight Sparkle, the smartest, bravest, and most compassionate individual I have ever known. You've saved Equestria countless times and in doing so, united your subjects with hostile neighboring nations. You've established a kingdom rooted in harmony that has thrived under your rule for decades." Her cries slowly dissipated, but her tears remained. I carried on. "You've never come across a problem you couldn't solve." She flinched, turning her head away. Still, I pressed on. "You are the Princess of Magic, of Friendship."
"Friendship?" she scoffed.
"This will be very painful, Twilight. It will leave scars that will never fully heal, but you will prevail. With our love and your own strength you will overcome this." My words had been kind yet firm. They were the best I could do. I prayed.
"How? How could you know that, Princess?" Her eyes begged, pleaded for a modicum of hope.
"I have faith." As soon as the words left my mouth the room was saturated with a disturbing silence, akin to a battlefield moments before a conflict.
"F-faith?" she stammered. Her eyes narrowed as if she'd just stumbled on an enigma she couldn't solve. "FAITH!?" Her wings flared violently as she stood to her full height. Her sadness had dissipated in an instant, replaced with an aggression that was completely foreign to me. "That's what she..."
"She?" It was my turn to be confused. "Wh-"
"No. NO! It's wrong. It's all WRONG!" she stomped a hoof before pointing it accusingly at me. "You're supposed to know! You should have the answers! You're supposed to make everything right!" she screamed. The situation was rapidly slipping through my hooves as a lump formed in my throat. "What good are thousands of years of experience if you can't even help your own FRIENDS!?"
"Twilight, I-"
"No, Celestia! Don't you dare patronize me!" I reeled at a side of my student I had never been faced with. "I'm here because of you! I'm a princess because you made me one! I've lost everything, everypony, because-" her eyes snapped open in comprehension. The light that had always been within those violet pools, the light I fought so hard to keep bright, had gone out. "Because of you..." she said softly. The look of realization on her face made my skin crawl.
"Twilight, I never meant for any of this to happen." Tears stung at my eyes, threatening to break my mask to pieces. "I didn't know, I-I couldn't have," I stuttered, praying she'd see reason while my own composure was going down the drain.
"They're dead... everypony. My parents, my brother, my friends..."
"Your relationships changed the world, Twilight, changed everything. You've seen the power of friendship firsthoof. You and your friends saved Luna, saved me, saved the entire world! You all brought it together, brought it's inhabitants together." I held my emotions as if they were a disobedient cat that was fighting to be let go.
"And now they're dead," she said coldly. "Just like Radiant. Just like I should be." She took a slow calculated breath and furled her wings slowly. I could see the reasoning in her take the driver's seat. She'd stowed her emotions, as if they were a hindrance, interfering with the logic she was trying to employ. "You failed me, Celestia. Friendship failed me. I failed myself," she sighed.
"No..." I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "Friendship is-"
"Weak," she interrupted, her gaze downcast. "Death took my family and friends. Radiant..." she swallowed. "The only ones death hasn't taken," her eyes pierced into mine, the ice in them petrifying. "Are you," her horn sparked to life, a deep magenta tinge coating it. "and your little sister."
I stood to my hooves, taking a defensive stance.
"Twilight... please!" A single tear spilled to the floor along with the mask I could no longer retain.
"For someone as powerful as you," she shut her eyes, the magic in her horn pulsing menacingly. "This should work." A sly grin slowly tugged the corners of her mouth upward as the aura of her horn solidified and hummed.
"Twilight what are y-" My heart plummeted into my stomach. I desperately reached out with my magic, my own horn shining gold as it sparked to life.
She wouldn't!
I was incorrect, I had to be.
I wasn't. She was coming. I could feel her descending at an alarming rate. I poured an immense amount of energy into my horn, the excess magic launching violent fiery sparks in every direction. Had Twilight gone mad? I braced against the force of my sun, all the magic I could produce barely enough to slow her descent.
Sweat poured from me as my ears flattened against my head. My face contorted from the intense strain, the weight of my celestial body pressing down upon me. My hooves sank into the carpet, legs quivering as if I myself was being crushed. Had Twilight always been this powerful, or had it been too long since I'd last held my own sun? The familiar kiss of heat was exhilarating, but the severity of my current situation prevented any enjoyment I might've derived from it.
Had the light of our bond become so dim? Had my trust in Twilight blinded me to my very own soul? My sun was a part of me, one I could not live without, so what had caused me to neglect her so?
"You would go so far as to oppose the sole ruler of Equestria?" Twilight's voice was mocking, dripping with arrogant venom. "I never thought I'd see the day you become a traitor, Celestia." I couldn't reply, my focus firmly on preventing the apocalypse. The tone with which she spoke made it seem as if she weren't struggling at all, as if this was a walk in the park for her. It was infuriating. I felt a jolt of adrenaline course through my body from the surge of anger.
I won't let you!
"SHE! IS! MINE!" I couldn't open my eyes or my clenched jaw, but I spat each word through gritted teeth with every bit of authority I had left.
And she always will be.
I viciously ripped control away from Twilight as my sun abruptly grinded to a halt. She was close, so much closer than she'd ever been to Equestria. My chest heaved as I fought for air, staying upright a battle in itself.
"Oh Celestia, you're so very predictable." The chime of Twilight's magic had suddenly changed. I barely had time to lift my eyelids to see the dark orb of mana collide with my chest. I stared at the point of impact, all of my arcane knowledge rushing through my mind, but no clue coming to me as to what I'd just been struck with. The blow had staggered me, my legs turning to jelly, but somehow I was still on my hooves. My heart had... stopped? Not a skipped beat, but a stillness, a silence for longer than I thought possible.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Thump. I let out the breath I'd been holding, looking up at my most faithful student in disbelief.
"Twi... light... you...?" The sudden exhaustion made speaking difficult. Had her spell been meant to...?
"Tch, not even that's enough!?" Twilight's horn was encompassed by a dark black glow before it shifted back to the magenta I knew. "What are you?" The revulsion that emanated from my student was like a knife plunged deep into my gut. The light coming from her horn became sublime, almost bright enough to blind me.
"Tw..." If breathing was a molehill, speech had become a mountain, an unclimbable one full of starving timberwolves that saw me as a vulnerable meal. Needless to say, any energy I could summon resulted in pitiful embers spritzing from the tip of my horn. I'd not been so fatigued sin-
Another spell slammed into me with the force of a tsunami. There was no standing my ground, no protecting myself. I crashed, withers first, into the wall at my back. A loud crack at the point of collision sucking all the breath from my lungs. I'd never felt anything like it, not in the thousands of years I'd lived. An all consuming fire lanced from my spine through all my appendages, a faint numbness spreading to the tips of my wings and horn.
Then, I became intimately acquainted with the floor. My muzzle struck the carpet with a hard thwack, followed shortly by the rest of my battered body. My breathing was labored, no longer a molehill, but an impossibility.
"WHY!? WHY WON'T YOU DIE!?" The sound of her shouting was able to penetrate the ringing in my ears, but what she had to say didn't matter to me. I could hardly open my eyes, much less form any kind of coherent response.
As the ringing began to die down I heard the unfamiliar peal once again, more sinister this time, more malevolent than Twilight's usual beautiful melody. I could feel danger infect the air, covering me like an ice cold blanket. If I didn't do something I'd...
Burning? Skin aflame, white hot coals forced against my skin. Freezing? Frostbite spreading from limb to limb, ice cold wind pummeling me from every direction. Electrocution? Millions of volts of electricity ricocheting this way and that in my skeletal system. Asphyxiation? Lying deep in an empty grave, soil dumped harshly from above, cutting off my oxygen as I was buried alive.
Where had these horrible sensations come from? Whenever I started to get a grasp on what might be happening to me, the pain shifted to something else entirely. Excruciating torment was the only constant.
Horn broken in two.
Wings shredded.
Cutie mark cauterized.
Nothing seemed to be off limits. The sounds suffering. Cries. Groans. Screams. The smells acrid. Burnt hair. Rotten milk. Seared flesh. The flavors nauseating. Bile. Metal. Blood. No sight. Only agony.
Is this death?
I wouldn't know. What I did know was that I hated it. Trying to form a thought was fruitless. Each time I made any headway a new punishment encroached, breaking my concentration.
Please... just let it end.
Seconds away from complete surrender the pain receded, though not to a level I would have preferred. With the lull in pain my senses returned, and with them I could sense someone close by. It was the only one I was closer to than Twilight.
"Lu... na?" My mouth was bone dry and every part of my body wailed in agony, but I had to act. With all the strength I had left, I forced my eyes open. My little sister stood before me, a look of bewilderment dominating her features. The sight of her was enough to completely break me, tears streaming down my face carelessly. There were no more masks, no hiding my true emotions. There was only fear. Only pain. Only desperation.
"SHUT UP!" Twilight bellowed as the torment increased one hundred fold. My senses were torn away once again, the torture now unbearable. My body convulsed uncontrollably Even with my eyes closed tight, colorful explosions illuminated the dark. They hurt as well. Everything did.
Bones broken.
Eyes punctured.
Teeth pulled out of their sockets.
I couldn't take it any longer.
What's that sound? Is that screaming? Is it me?
I couldn't know. I lost myself to the ordeal. All became dark.
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What can Celestia do at this point? You can't heal someones hurt. Not that kind of hurt. She can't undo anything. Intrigued to see where this goes.
This chapter fixed the lack of context for Twilight's outburst from the previous one. Nice work!
I know the "immortal character going mad from seeing people around them die" is a popular trope, but I always thought Twilight was better than that.
Are you meaning to tell us that all throughout Celestia's millenia of living, she never lost someone to an accident? Surely, she could have had some encouraging words to Twilight.
My perspective is: Twilight blaming Celestia for making her immortal is her way of dealing with her grief. I wouldn't even be surprised if this attack was a desperate attempt to get Celestia to kill her and put her out of her misery.
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@littleman001 Thanks for the comment! Twilight's motivations are integral to where I'm taking this story so there might even be more developments on that front. I really view pre series Twilight as self sufficient and post season 2 or 3 ish as dependant on her relationships with the others. I think it's more the repetition with Celestia. Kind words after the 9th time may not have the impact one would hope. I really like your theory about Twilight and honestly my first draft toyed with that idea.
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Thank you for commenting! She's in a tough spot no doubt.
I will say that I’m not a fan of super gory stuff. This was acceptable, and it does do a good job at explaining some stuff from the previous chapter.
Onwards! Godspeed!
-Davidtin
I will echo littleman here and say that I find it hard to believe Celestia has no first-hand experience of the throes of longevity sufficient to give better guidance to Twilight than to say, "I have faith in you." If it is at some later stage of the process of T's "alicornhood", I reckon C ought to be acquainted with that, too, and not seem so caught off-guard by the turn of perspective.
T seems a bit ooc here, however grief-burdened she might be. We might be in media res, but it's hard in any case for me to imagine her expressing her anguish through homicidal intent. It rings instead as a dark and unexplored feeling of the author, one which may wind up driving the writing emotionally.
My overall impression is that you are finding your bearings here at the beginning of what will be a long process of digestion and realization. Let's see where it goes.
Dang, thank YOU! This interpretation of Luna is amazing!