Equestria and the Second Amendment

by aegishailstorm

Passive Aggressive

The squad of Americans casually strolled alongside the half dozen terrified equines. As though walking trough a haunted magical forest in the dead of night was a daily occurrence for them. Fluttershy and Rarity kept near Matt and Scott while the 2 humans did their best to ignore them. They had bigger problems at the moment, namely, how they were going to ford the river ahead of them.

" So, how are we gettin' across this?" Hickock asked, putting his hands on his hips and sighing. Angry popped up, " Well, you know... We could just go and call up the Army engineering corps. ' Oh hey, sorry to bother you General, I was just wondering if you could send a pontoon bridge as well as the infrastructure and personnel needed to keep it up in running to some far off magical fantasy world so we could help some magic talking horses stop another evil magical talking horse. Oh wait, I forgot, they don't give a shit about us! Matt, you already livestreamed that whole portal opening thing, right?" Twilight raised an eyebrow and turned around.

" What's he talking about?" Donut waved it off, "Uh... American problems. Let's get back to trying to cross the damn river, shall we?" He gave them a forced smile and a thumbs up. Which the Equestrians returned with confused looks.

"Uh, what are ya doin' Cody?" Applejack asked him, he scratched his neck, " It's called a thumbs up. It's a form of approval where I come from. Should've assumed from the start that y'all wouldn't get it what with the.... Well..." He motioned down at his hooves, Applejack motioned to his boots, and he shrugged. "Eh, fair point." Brandon squinted at the water. " Hey guy's, is the purple loch ness monster with the mustache a regular here?" Twilight trotted up to him. She noticed that it was crying.

"Would someone care to explain to me how a water dwelling creature can cry?" Mike asked, rubbing his forehead.

" I'd be more concerned with the fact that it's got a mustache." Mike's camera man pointed out. Scott walked forward, " Um, 'scuse me sir, what the hell are you cryin' about?" The massive creature swam closer to the shore, " Well I don't know, one moment I was sitting here minding my own business when a cloud of blue smoke whooshed past me and took half my mustache with it! I look simply horrible!" He went back to crying. It was uncanny to say the least. Then he ducked under the water, the Americans took this as a sign to step back, so that only the Equestrians ended up soaking wet.

" I know how important that mustache must be to you. Trust me, I've got one of my own." Donut pointed to his own face," But it's just hair, it'll grow back. There ain't nothing to cry about. Besides, who the fuck's gonna criticize you out here?" The serpent scratched his scaly chin. " You know what, you're right! Thank you so much!" Donut shrugged again.
" No problem. Hey, do you know a shortcut around this river?" The creature unfolded himself into a makeshift bridge.

"Ok, I'm gonna add that to the list of weird shit I've seen today." Brandon mumbled. " Alright, here goes nothing!" The 2Aer's
and the Equestrians proceeded to jump across the serpent's back until they were all on the far side. " Twilight and the other's took the time to say goodbye to the serpent. The humans were fine with a simple, " Thank you for the lift." Before departing. As they left the rivers edge Matt took the time to ask whether or not Twilight knew the right way to go. She assured them that she did.

---

The convoy broke out into yet another clearing. This perched over a foggy gorge and the remains of a rope bridge tied to two mossy stone posts, Matt did a quick scan of the far side with the thermal, and determined that, for the moment at least, there was no apparent trap. " Alright," Hickock turned around and looked at Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.

" You're the only one's here with wings, so we're gonna need you 2 to go and reattach that there rope bridge. It looks like it's still intact, someone just untied it on the far side. So, who'll it be?" Rainbow bounded off the ledge and into the foggy abyss below. She reappeared a few seconds later on the far side with a rope in her mouth and touched down on the far side.

"Hey, Mike?' Garand Thumb looked over at Hickock. " I don't trust a magic horse to tie a proper knot, think you can cross that gap?" He raised his NOD's and squinted at it, Rainbow had already tied the first half to the other side, so Mike, after tying himself to a line of paracord, decided to cross over on it. About halfway across he noticed that the fog had begun to thicken, until it fully obscured the far side. " Damnit." He shimmied his way to the other side as fast as he could. And when he arrived, he found Rainbow talking with 3 pegasi. These ones possessed a darker color palette and strange uniforms.

"Um, pardon, who are you?" Mike waved to them as he got to his feet, and heftied his rifle. It's as if his mere presence caused them to lose their spine. "Umm... We're the Shadow Bolts? We were just asking Rainbow Dash here if she'd like to join us?" He nodded, and scratched the hair under his helmet. " Sure, you know... I've gotta give it to you, your uniforms are pretty cool. But, if you don't mind, we've got places to be. " He took the liberty of fixing the rest of the bridge to the stone post's, allowing his friends and the Equestrians access to the other side.

"No! How did-" The lead pegasus clasped her mouth shut, the tone in her voice had suddenly changed to one which sounded a hell of a lot like Nightmare Moon. " Got something to say to us Miss Moon?" Donut asked the group. All at once, they turned to run, only to be cut off by one very pissed off Drill Sargent. Who had snuck around them while they were preoccupied with the other's.

" You came to this world expecting to face these little ponies, correct? Well to bad shithead! You've got us?" To tone in his voice was rather calm. And Mike knew why, you see, a drill sergeant is only calm where they're mad, very, very mad. The little grey pegasus dissolved into a cloud of glowing blue smoke and attempted to rush past him.

Angry reached up into the air and dug his nails into it. " You've earned yourself one hell of an ass whoopin' ma'am." He raised the butt end of his rifle above his head and violently bashed it into the cloud again, and again, and again. He might as well have ended the threat right then and there had Nightmare not slipped out of his grasp and disappeared into the fog. He dusted his hands off and turned around to find the all six ponies staring at him in shock.

'Where have you been all this time!?" Brandon shouted, " You vanished into the forest 10 minutes ago. How did you get over here!?"

" A Drill Sargent never reveals his secrets!" He exclaimed with a mischievous smirk, "The ravine ends 400 yards west, you guys could've skipped over this all. Just didn't try hard enough, no offense Mike." Garand smiled. At the same time this mist began to fade. Revealing the distinct ruins of a castle in the backgrounds.

"Wow. I swear to god if a knight in shining armor walks out of the woods with a dragon in town I'm goin' right back to the Jack Daniels." He shook his head out of anguish.

" Uh, Brandon, we are the knight's, it's just that our armor isn't shining, it's multicam." Donut responded, fiddling with his plate carrier.

" C'mon guy's, we've got a castle to clear out!" Mike shouted, waving the group along and pointing up at the castle.

"Can we go in first?" Twilight asked, " We need to find the Elements of Harmony, they're in there." The squad exchanged looks of confusion. " You need to find what? Why didn't you tell us about this before?" Scott demanded.

"You never asked. " Rainbow deadpanned. They all turned to Twilight. " Explain it on the way there." Angry told her.

Comments

[Jamesonboo22]

I can’t wait for angry to Beat nightmare moon’s ass up, as well as mentally tear her to shreds

[Hillbe]

Ohhhhhhh you said dragon!
His name is Spike
He's my assistant
I bet he's at Raritys place sniffin around
Rainbow Dash how could you?
kissy kissy
I wane a Ma Duce too!
Ya know Rars Rainbow ain't wrong about Spike Sniffin Raritys drawers, Give the little fella a break, He's nose high to our rear ends anyway...

Spike takes point from now on!
That's why I leave him at home...

[AgentKorpsman]

11273154
Yes but hopefully not too badly

[SWEETOLEBOB18]

" I know how important that mustache must be to you. Trust me, I've got one of my own." Donut pointed to his own face," But it's just hair, it'll grow back. There ain't nothing to cry about. Besides, who the fuck's gonna criticize you out here?" The serpent scratched his scaly chin. " You know what, you're right! Thank you so much!" Donut shrugged again. " No problem. Hey, do you know a shortcut around this river?" The creature unfolded himself into a makeshift bridge.

As Bill on King Of The Hill remarked "Good haircut, bad haircut, it will grow out."

[SuperSaiyanDiclonius]

Confirmed: Angry is the group's Pinkie Pie.