Absence of Logic

by Antisocial Ind.

The Royal Sense of Humor

I need a drink, thought Tyler as he walked. He decided not to go to the Trial, figuring he'd only end up screwing things up if he went. Noah was the only one of their group that had experience with the mental agony that is proving a case and arguing about laws. Well, he was only conscious one, at least. Plus he was somewhat of an orator.

Tyler had stayed with Fluttershy for awhile and watched Andre for an hour just to make sure he was going to be fine then went out to find a bar or club where he could get a drink. He was only 20, but like most guys his age, he'd had tried various alchoholic drinks before. He was never the type to get drunk, but right now, he just wanted to forget everything that was happening. He stopped in the marketplace, trying to find someone who might be able to ask if Ponyville had a bar.

He saw a light blue-green unicorn standing around talking to a whitish unicorn with a mane that was a deep navy blue and a beautiful shade of pink. He decided that they would probably be good to ask, as they were mere background ponies with no significance to the main events that went on in Equestria. OK, the one's name is Lyra, and the other is.... Bonbon! What was so special about Lyra? Eh. It's not important, Tyler thought, impressed that his memory was actually serving him for once. He approached the two mares and stopped about two feet from them. They stopped talking and turned to face him. Their smiles dropped when they saw him. Bonbon's smile came back after a second, but Lyra's jaw dropped slightly.

"Oh, hi there! Can we help you?" asked Bonbon in a sweet tone. Tyler had never heard her voice before, but it was marvelously feminine. Must be why they called her Bonbon...

"Yes, I was wondering if you guys had like a bar or something. Like, you know, a place that sells alcoholic beverages?"

"Yes. If you go down this path," Bonbon pointed down the row of houses to their right, "and keep an eye on the right side, you'll find The Crippled Mare. They sell some of the best cider in Equestria there."

"Awesome, thanks Bonbon!" Tyler said. He immediately realized his mistake, and took off before Bonbon could question him. Bonbon turned to Lyra, eyebrow raised.

"How did that thing know my name?"

"Who cares!? How have we not seen something like him before!?" exclaimed Lyra, oblivious to Bonbon's discomfort.

---

Augh, my head. What the hell happened? That was one weird ass dream, thought Andre, opening his eyes. He looked up and saw a nice deep drown attributable to the nice wooden ceiling. Wooden ceiling. Wooden ceiling? Andre sat upright, looking around the room. The sudden pain in the right side of his head gave him momentary vertigo, causing him to fallback onto the bed.

The pain throbbing in his head, matching his pulse. He tried it again, more slowly this time. He was able to sit up, and look around. As far as he could tell, he was in a living room of some kind, in what he guessed could have been a small cottage. He put his hand to the side of his head and felt the bandage, and recoiled when it started to sting.

"Ah, crap!" he cursed. After sitting and pondering for a few moments, he decided to get up and look around. After all, if someone went to the trouble of fixing him up, then they wouldn't mind if he looked around, right? He exited the room and walked down a flight of steps into what he assumed was the main room. It was much larger than the bedroom he was just in, and had a kitchen, a table with chairs, and from what he could tell, a door that lead outside.

He walked around the room, taking in the scenery, trying to remember what happened. Ok, so I was in the forest, then I found the bunny. And those things chased me. Then I met that pony, and then - NOAH AND TYLER AND ADAM ARE HERE! He started beaming at the prospect of meeting his best friends in a situation such as the one he was in at the time.

"Ok, Andre, you gotta go find them now," he said to himself, more of a command than a random remark. He made his way over to the door, and opened it with a squeak, and he walked outside. The air was crisp and fresh, and the sun was shining brightly. He walked along the path leading from the door over to a small bridge, which looked like it went in to town. Andre figured that if he was going to find Noah or Tyler, his best bet would be in the town. He walked a little bit, looking down as usual. He rounded a corner -WHAM-

"Oh, I'm sorry I -" he started, looking up.

"ANDRE!"

"TYLER! Dude, where are we, how did we get here, why does my head hurt?" he said, barely able to maintain the floodgates that were his questions.

"Equestria, Ponyville, I have no idea, and Pinkie Pie loaded her confetti cannon with office supplies, I hit it, pointing at you by accident, at which point the stapler made you its bitch." This was surprisingly straight forward.

"OK then. Uh, where are Adam and Noah?" Tyler gave no response. "Well? Where are they?"

"Court." Holy crap.

"Court? What did they do?"

"Er, Adam harassed Fluttershy, and Noah is playing attorney."

"Wait. You let Noah, our ultra conservative, highly outspoken, and arrogant Mormon friend Noah be an attorney in a foreign land to defend the actions of a half-retarded troll?"

"Shit......." Tyler's face fell. He hadn't really thought about the possible consequences of letting Noah represent Adam in court.

"Shit is right!"

"Well, there's nothing we can do now." They looked down in despair as they realized their cause was lost. A familiar voice came from Tyler's left.

"Oh my! What are you doing out of bed?!" Fluttershy said, rushing to Andre's side. Her eyes were wide as she examined him head to toe, including a special examination of his bandages. "We've got to get you back to bed!" she exclaimed. Or in her case, muttered. She got under Andre, putting him on her back, and with speed not seen by anyone since Andre got bitch-slapped by that stapler, Fluttershy flew back to her cottage.

Tyler was left there, bewildered and slightly depressed. With Andre preoccupied by Fluttershy and Noah presumably trying to figure out how to bust Adam out of jail, the prospect of a drink was seeming really good to Tyler right now. He continued his trek for all of sixty feet before he found it: The Crippled Mare. Walking inside he immediately slapped himself. Mentally of course, as otherwise the bartender would think it best to keep Tyler as far away from alcohol as possible.

His reason for his self harassment came from the fact that he expected the traditional look of a bar, and of course everything was bright and colorful. He walked up to the bar and took a seat next to an orange pony wearing a cowboy hat.When the bartender came by, he waved him down.

"Uh hi, I'm kinda new and town, and I'm not really familiar with any Equestrian drinks, could ya recommend anything for a light drinker?"

"The regular cider," he said with a deep and gravelly voice. And for a pony, he was pretty tall, maybe five feet total.

"Guess I'll have that then."

"How old are you?" he asked, eyes narrowing only slightly.

"I'm almost twenty one," Tyler figured that it would be best not to lie before people got to know him. After all, he'd be 21 in a few months, he may as well wait. And Equestrian drinking laws were probably much diffrent from Virginia

"That'll be two bits." Tyler fished out a few bits from his pocket, proud of the fact he could pay his own way. He had decided to keep about twenty bits on him and left the rest of his haul from selling the fruits earlier that day.

"There you are, sir." He took the bits and poured some cider into a mug, and slid it to Tyler. Catching it, Tyler smirked at the thought of being engaged in the stereotypical bar scenario of catching a beer slid to him by the bartender. He raised the mug to his lips, and took a sip. It was probably the best cider he had ever tried, sweet and tangy, but with a twinge of something he didn't recognize. Must be the alcohol, he thought as he took another sip, this time taking more of it into his mouth.

"Yer not from around here, are ya?" said a female vice to his right. Tyler turned to her, and immediately recognized her as Applejack.

"Oh, uhm, no, I'm not." said Tyler, immediately retreating a little into a mental shell. When it came to engaging coustomers at work, Tyler had no problem conversing and making small talk, it came with the job of being a cahseir. But outside of work, Tyler was clueless when it came to conversing and talking to normal people. He would do just about everything he could to keep people from seeing or talking to him if he could help it.

"I thought suh. Ciderwell! Another round for mah friend here!"

"Sure thing AJ!" He immediately filled two more mugs and sent them sliding down the bar. Applejack caught both of them, and placed one in front of Tyler.

"Oh wow, thanks -" Tyler caught himself before he said Applejack's name. Even with the massive amount of fanfics Tyler had read, he still didn't know if it was a smart idea to let any of Ponyvilles citizens know about the show they were apart of. He figured that for the time being, it was best to just keep it to himself. No need to make anyone think he was crazy.

"Mah name's Applejack. Pleased ta meetcha," she said, holding out her hoof. Tyler took it in his hand with a nervous smile and shook. He released and turned back to his drink and took a swig.

"Well, thanks a lot Applejack. My name's Tyler."

"Sure thang, Tahler." Oh my God, her accent is adorable! thought Tyler, as he took another drink. The mugs were small, so with that he finished his cider and went on to his next. heh, mabey this is a chance for me to open up a bit

"So waht brings ya ta Ponyvill Tahler?"

"Heh, well, its kinda a weird story, ya probably wouldn't believe it either."

"Try me," said AJ as she took a sip from her mug.

"Well, I was sitting in the produce room of the store I work at, jsut relaxing a little. I guess I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I was right in the middle if the market place with a cartload of citrus fruits and banana's." Tyler looked down into his mug, no afraid she would start thinking he was some kind of nut job.

"Well, if I were anypony else, Ah'd say you were nuts, but Ah believe ya. Weirder things have happened an well, Ah have a knack fer knowin' when somepony's tellin' the truth or not." Tyler was relieved, maybe if she believed him, she could help point him in the right direction for getting him and his friends back.

"Well thanks Miss Applejack, its good to know someone believes my story."

"So what were ya planin' on doin' ta get home?"

"well I'm not really sure," Tyler sighed, "I was hoping to find a place to stay tonight, possibly for a few days if it turns out, but seeing one of my friends is hurt, and my other two are in court. I'm ju-"

"Say no more, Ah can always use an extra hand on the farm, an Ah got an open guest room. Yer welcome ta stay with mah family fer a few days if yer willin' ta put in a little hard work."

"well lthats awfully kind of you miss Applejack, but I wont lie. I dont know much about working on a farm." Tyler hung his head a little.

"Awww shucks, it ain't that hard ta learn, besides, ya gotta know somethin' that Ah could need?"

Tyler looked up and scratched his chin, "Huh, well I guess I do know a little about home repairs. I can fix a roof and know how to paint a house. And I worked produce at my store, so I know a little about sorting fruits and veggies, finding the lower quality product and getting the good stuff set up"

"Well there ya go! The barns needed a new paint job, and the farm houses roof is a bit leaky, most of the other stuff Ah need help with ain't to hard ta learn anyways, just haulin' apples an cleanin' things up a bit."

Tyler looked over at Applejack and smiled, "well then I'll gladly accept your offer Miss Applejack, I promise to do waht I can to pull my own weight."

"Good ta here, now how about you pay fer the next round this tahm?"

"Heh, no problem," chuckled Tyler as he ordered himself and Applejack another round of ciders. Heh, guess things are starting to look up Tyler thought as he took another sip of cider.

---

"Dude, why would you do that?" Noah asked as they left the court room. It was lucky that Celestia had been there, otherwise they'd have been screwed. She totally took over and had mercy on the poor beings that were Adams friends by allowing Adam off the hook this one time.

"Because reasons."

"Pardon me, you two. I'd like a word," said Celestia from behind the two. They stopped and turned around to face the royal alicorn who was walking towards them. Noah looked past her and saw a slightly less than happy looking judge trudge off in the opposite direction, muttering. "I know that you are not legally obligated to do anything, but as a show of good faith, I would like Adam to do two things to show me he is able to act kindly in Equestria."

"Anything," Noah said with a smile.

"First, a few hours of community service to help him with the social aspect of living here in Equestria. Is that plausible?"

"Yeah, no problem," said Adam unenthusiastically.

"Splendid. And second, I would like you to write a heart felt apology to Fluttershy."

"WHAT?! Blow it out your ass, sunbutt, that's not happening," Adam said, defiantly. Noah slowly turned his head towards Adam and he looked right at him. Noah's face was a priceless combination of shock, fear, and hatred toward his asshat of a friend.

"E-excuse me?!" Celestia's face now resembled Noah's but minus the fear and much more disbelief. Noah quickly turned to Celestia and tried his best to smooth this over. If that was even possible.

"What he said, Your Majesty, was.... I got nothing." Noah's face fell and he hung is head as he waited to lose it at the hands of a Princess Pony.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH MY, THAT'S A NEW ONE! HEHEHEHE!" Noah's eyes shot open and he looked up. SHE'S LAUGHING! THERE'S HOPE! Noah started to laugh along with her. She was practically splitting at her sides. Noah actually started to tear up in thankfulness that she found it funny. After a moment, Celestia regained her composure.

"Ahem. Well that was certainly one I've not heard before. Very clever. I will be seeing you two again very very soon. Well I hope you two have a nice day." She then turned and walked back to her guards at the end of the hallway. Noah looked over at Adam, who was staring at Celestia's flank with his brow burrowed and his lower lip in his teeth. He turned to Noah and said "Dat ass." Noah facepalmed and started walking towards the other exit, grabbing Adam and leading him along by the arm.

"Alright, lets go find Tyler and Andre. Bout time we all figured out what to do next." Noah said as he led Adam out into the streets of Ponyville to begin looking for their friends.

---

"And then, it beans him right in the fucking face!" Both Tyler and Applejack bellowed loudly, interrupted only by Tyler's occasional hiccup. Applejack wasn't even tipsy, but Tyler was obviously a bit drunk. He wasn't on his ass yet, but it was getting noticeable.

"Aw gee, yer a whole barrel a laughs aren't ya, Tahler?"

"Nah, you should meet my friend Noah, he's the funny one!"

"Oh, really? He a human like you?"

"Yeah, but a lot smaller than me."

"Oh, interstin'. I would like to meet 'im sometime!"

"Oh, man, he'd probably just -"

"AH LOVE THIS SONG!" She leaped up from the bar stool and grabbed Tyler. He wasn't quite sure how she was managing that, but didn't question it. She led him out into a place devoid of chairs and tables and began to dance. Tyler was, how to put this delicately..... an antisocial fuck-up. He didn't know how to dance. At all. In the slightest. He would be better off in a wheelchair so he'd have an excuse not to dance. Thankfully he was saved from this gruesome torture by an unknown entity.

"Tyler!" He looked and saw Andre standing in the doorway, against the wall next to the entrance. Fluttershy burst through the door, looking around frantically.

"Where is he? There was a bipedal creature with bandages and brown skin! Has anyone seen him?!" Tyler looked over to Andre and smiled a devilish smile. Andres eyes widened and he began pleading with Tyler silently through very obvious hand signs. Tyler looked back at the impatient Fluttershy.

"Look behind you." Tyler usually wasn't the type to pull shit on his friends, especially like this. But having drunk a few too many ciders was clouding his judgment a bit

"FUCK YOU, TOO, TYLER!" Andre shouted as he ran out the door. Futtershy flew frantically after him. Tyler looked to Applejack, who was giggling at what Tyler had just done.

"Well, it's been fun. I gotta go now and help my friend. Hope you have a good night, Applejack."

"Well thank ya. Don't worry about gettin' ta the farm tonight if ya cant make it, go on an help yer friend. Just stop by tahmorrow evenin' an Ah'll help get ya settled in."

"Thanks Applejack, and for the drinks too."

"Anytime!" she said as she waved a short goodbye. Tyler turned and walked over to the exit. Pushing open the double-hinged doors. Fluttershy flew past him to the right, headed back to her cottage, dragging a flailing Andre with her. He broke her grip and began running again, and she turned and pursued him diligently.

"Oh no you don't!"

"LET GO OF ME!" She promptly let go, causing Andre to fall backward on his back. "Augh!"

"Did you not want me to help you?" Fluttershy asked.

"Erm, I mean I did, but then I didn't need you to help me after I woke up."

"Oh. Well I'm sorry. Why didn't you say anything?" Andre was stumped by this question. Upon reflection he had no idea in the slightest why he hadn't said anything.

"Well," Andre said, "thanks for your help, ma'am. But it's getting dark, and I gotta go. Thanks, again."

"Oh no problem, I hope you feel better!"

"Thanks," he replied, walking over to Tyler. Tyler looked around and realized it HAD gotten dark. He estimated it was probably 7 or 8. Or maybe 1. Who knows, all those times look the same. Is that racist? he asked himself. (Luckily) He didn't have time to finish his thought before Andre reached him. "Ok, Tyler, we gotta find Noah and Adam. They have to be out of court by now. And where are we gonna sleep? And.... are you.... drunk?"

"A little, probably. I didn't think the cider was that strong." Andre was not happy. They were missing half of their group, they had no place to sleep, and Tyler was slightly drunk. Just great. How could this get ANY better?

"Hey guys." Well, that's one way, Andre thought after turning to see who it was. It was Noah and Adam.

"Where have you two been?"

"Trying to find you guys actually," Noah said.

"Ok," began Andre, " we need to find a place to sleep."

"Well I figured something out already...... but I don't think she'd be happy if I showed up with an extra friend and two rowdy pinheads tagging along............" Said Tyler between a few small hiccups. Of course, Adam chimed in to meet his quota for being unhelpful.

"Let's find some barrels." Blatantly ignoring Adams comment, Andre decided to take control of this situation since no one else would. His leadership training for JROTC finally came in handy.

"Ok, follow me. I think I know where we can sleep." He began to walk, the others following him. They were a ragtag group of misfits, only slightly more so now than when they were back on Earth. The fact that they all found each other back in High School was pure luck. But it was one of the luckiest things that would ever happen to them.

They came back to Fluttershy's cottage. They all wondered if perhaps Fluttershy would let them stay. Andre knocked on the door. Fluttershy answered and was surprised to see them all. Andre then grasped his face and moaned loudly.

"Ohhh, the paaaiiiin!" Fluttershy gasped and grabbed him. Within the moment, she had Andre back upstairs in the bed. The other three traipsed inside. Noah approached Fluttershy, immediately catching on to Andre's plan.

"Ma'am, I'm terribly sorry to ask this of you, but we don't feel comfortable leaving Andre here. Can we stay and keep him company?" Asked Noah.

Tyler couldn't help but feel a little guilty for his friends taking advantage of Fluttershy's kindness. But he figured he might as well stay her with them tonight and make sure they didn't cause her to much trouble.

"Oh, of course!" This brought smiles to everyone's faces.

"Thanks so much!"

Fluttershy turned slightly and saw Adam, and her face fell.

"Oh, um, I didn't know he would be here," she said, hardly audible. Noah had to think quickly.

"Oh yeah, he was released on one condition." He turned to Adam and put emphasis on all of his words. "He can't speak to you, ma'am, right Adam?" Noah hoped Adam would comply. He did, thankfully.

"Yeah, I'll behave. Just don't let that bunny Hitler thing near me."

"Oh, um, OK then. I guess it's OK if he's here, too." She slowly fluttered away down to the main room. Tyler immediately got into the bed with Andre.

"Dibs on big spoon." Andre did not hesitate to jump out of the bed.

"That's OK, I prefer the floor anyway."

"OK." Noah said. "Andre and I will take the floor, you two use the bed."

"Fine by me," Adam said crawling into the bed. Noah jacked some pillows and sheets and made a makeshift little cushion for him and Andre.

"Noah," Andre said.

"Yeah?"

"Don't make it gay."

"Don't worry, I won't."

"Alright, thanks."

"Anything for you, honey."

"God fucking dammit, Noah." With a hearty laugh from everyone, they stopped talking and slept.

A/N

It's funny every time.

Why don't I remember this?

Because you were drunk and fell asleep right after you got all gay with your spoon comment.

Huh. Guess I should avoid getting drunk then.

Wait, was that before or after he had passionate sex with Fluttershy?

WHAT?

Nothing.

NO, TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU MEAN BY THAT!

That's what's so fun about drunk friends, you can tell them they did stuff that they don't remember.

WHAT HAPPENED, THIS ISN'T FUNNY!

We beg to differ, Tyler.

I hate you all.