Absence of Logic

by Antisocial Ind.

I Hasbro's (revised)

“And as you can clearly see, the cell wall is thick, and bigger than the cell membrane of animal cells.”

It was another boring day in Bio101. If it wasn’t for the fact that the class and the labs were 4 credits apiece, I would have totally dropped the class. I already knew so much about Biology, and it was so easy, I could not, for the life of me, stay focused. I mean, there I was, perfect grades in every Chemistry class I had ever taken, and I was being subject to a class that I took four years earlier as a Freshman in High School. It was murder. I had even started hitting myself on the head to a steady beat to keep myself conscious. How anyone could be satisfied with something so simple and unchallenging, I thought I would never know. Maybe one day I would be able to rationalize it while falling asleep, bored. Speaking of, for several days beforehand, I had been having marvelous dreams. OH! What was that one? The one where I was walking through the forest, and – OH YEAH! The Predator came out, but he was pink. And he took off the mask, and it was a sexy girl. I moved up to her to try and lay down some smoothness. She ended up Sparta kicking me right in the chest, but like slow motion kind of. And then, I started falling.

Falling.

Falling.

I awoke with a start. It was not every day that you startle yourself awake from a dream. I did not bother opening my eyes, it wouldn’t matter anyway; the professor knew I didn't pay attention. The feeling was uncomfortable to say the least. I propped myself up on one arm, my elbow on the desk, my hand on my left cheek. It was a lot less comfortable this time, though. But at the same time, it was pleasant. I was so immersed in my own thoughts that I had managed to drone out the professor! Great, I thought, now that I am aware of it, I am gonna lose it and start hearing her again. Whatever. But, her voice didn’t come. Perhaps I was far enough out of consciousness that I could tune her out. It was definitely nice. I was a little warm, but that was ok. It was kind of nice, silence, warmth, birds singing. The birds were always pleasant in Northern Virginia. The breeze was also very pleasant. Wait. Breeze?

I opened an eye and I could not believe what the photons that were being registered by my eyes told me. I was now in the middle of a field. A freaking. Field. There were beautiful daisies, and wild flowers, and 3 inch high grass for a mile. There was also a forest roughly, I want to say, a hundred fifty, maybe two hundred meters to my left. This was startling, so much so that I fell out of my chair. I started hyperventilating, and looking around wildly. This had to be a dream. I pinched myself to the point where I almost yelped. I was still in there. I got up, taking in the beautiful scenery. Everything was so rich in color, as though someone went into Photoshop and magnified the intensity of the colors. The apparent beauty didn’t deter my sense of rationalization, as I could not yet define any form of realism from my current predicament relative to my previous one. I mean, how the heck was I supposed to conform to this reality when simply being there in the first place violated the very concept of defined reality. It also violated many laws of physics, a subject in which I was very much learned. My head started to spin. Eventually I was able to regain my composure.

I picked up my backpack, and slung it over my shoulders. A 6 pound laptop, some loose leaf paper, and a pair of headphones were inside. I turned to the forest, and I noticed a small path - it couldn't even really be called a path, it was so slim. I figured it was better than aimlessly wandering a field, so I started walking towards it. It was a good thing I decided to wear jeans that day, otherwise it would have been excruciatingly uncomfortable to walk through the woods.

I walked for what seemed to be like 10 minutes, could have been more or less, and I came to a stream. It was roughly 10 feet wide, and looked like it was no more than 6 inches deep at any point. There was a small bridge about 10 meters up the trail, and while the trail continued off into the forest, I went over the bridge. I was tired of the forest already, as I was not much of a nature person, and the bridge implied that there would be civilization near my location. I continued for what could have been anywhere between an hour to maybe two, before the path came out to a clearing. There it was, what looked like a small village.

Perfect! These guys can probably tell me where I am and how to get back to Buena Vista! I quickened my pace, and started toward the village. I was looking around, and I happened to glance to my right at the right moment to see what appeared to be a small horse call out to its child to call them inside, to which they complied. I stopped dead in my tracks. What in God’s name did I just witness? I looked back over and saw a friend of the child horse, a smaller one that was cyan in color and had, Good Lord, wings!? It picked up its toys and started back to, I assumed, its own parents. What the heck is going on? I asked this to myself in my own mind, half expecting an answer from divine inspiration, a moment of clear thought, or just a lucky guess. An inference, maybe? Nope. Nothing. Nothing at all. I remember a funny picture of Spiderman holding his hands out in front of him, close to the right side of the screen, and it was labeled “I’m gonna back away slowly, and come back when there’s less weird shit.” That’s pretty much how I felt. However, I decided it would be worth it to continue into the town.

I happened upon another horse, though honestly it was maybe 4 feet tall, so I suppose the proper word was pony. He had a dull purple coat and a violet mane, and he sported circular glasses and was chewing on a single piece of hay. He was also rolling a barrel along the ground in the opposite direction as me. He noticed me looking, and, naturally, I looked away. When we were about 4 feet away he stopped and he held out his hand, I mean, what, hoof? Yes, hoof. He extended his hoof to me, and he gave me a friendly smile.

“Hello, there, good sir! I don’t believe I’ve seen you ‘round here before!” he said, practically beaming. By this time I had reached out and shook his hoof, and finished the hand, hoof, whatever shake. “You new here?” I was thunderstruck by the fact that he spoke English, and not only did he speak English, he spoke it fluently, and in the same dialect that I was used to hearing. That was unbelievable.

“Uh, yeah, I guess. I don’t really know where I am. Could you help me?” I was a confident person, so I usually never had a problem asking friendly people for help. I was raised with the kindness and outgoing personality that all my West Virginian family shared, even if I didn't share the accent, and I also inherited a communication skill from growing up in a Mormon family. The talks in front of the congregation made one on one much easier, since the Youth knew what it was like to give a talk in front of 300+ people. But talking to this pony threw me off completely.

“Sure I could, I’d love to! You happen to be in Ponyville.” He said this with a remarkable pride, but it didn't seem prideful. Yet, there was definitely a way that he said it that stated ‘I love this place and think it’s the best!’

“Uh huh, and which state are we in?” He suddenly looked perplexed.

“Er, I guess, Equestria? It’s more of a country really, but you could think of it as a state, of peacefulness that is.”

“Right. So, um, are there any humans I can talk to?”

“ Any what?”

“Humans? You know, people? Like me?”

“Well see that’s the thing, I never really seen anyone or thing like yourself. I was gonna ask you what kind you are, but I was trying to do it in a non-rude fashion. “

“So you don’t know of any humans at all?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“None at all.” This was absolutely horrible. There I was, alone, no bearings, in a land of brightly colored talking ponies, possibly the only human, no contact with my old home. Just. Freaking. Great.

“Well, thank you anyway, sir,” I said, my voice only slightly betraying my emotional unrest.

“You are very welcome. By the way, my name is Bailey.”

“Oh, uh, Noah. Nice to meet you.”

“Same. You have a nice day, Noah.”

“Have a better one.” I turned to walk away when I heard a very familiar voice ring out from my right.

“Holy shit. Noah?” I turned to the voice, and it was Tyler Howard. My best friend from back in Virginia. My heart jumped to see a familiar face, and one so close as well. He was standing behind a produce cart, and he started walking over to where I was standing.

“Well, shoot! Now I've seen two of you!” said Bailey, apparently standing behind me. He must have stopped when he heard my name. “How about that, eh?”

“Yeah, no kidding,” I replied. Tyler reached me and I stepped forward. I reached my hand out wide right, and we did our side five greeting, grabbed each other’s hands and pulled into a one armed hug kind of deal. But not like a regular hug. It was a manly hug. Shut up.

“Dude, Tyler, I am SO glad to see you! I have no idea what is going on!”

“Ok, this is gonna be hard to explain, maybe you should come with me-“ His statement was cut short. There was a rattling emanating from inside Bailey’s barrel. And - oinking?

“What in the?!” Bailey said, just as surprised as we were. He reached down and flipped the lid open. And out from inside of it crawled a large mass, blue-gray, and OH DEAR SWEET LORD, HOW THE BLOODY FRICK DID ADAM GET IN A BARREL!?!?!? Adam Davis was another really good friend of Tyler and I. He was a particularly fat man, so much so that I could silence the squeakiest of door hinges with a single drop of his grease-saturated blood. He also had the undeniable ability to grow a beard in ways that one could only describe as ‘epic’.

“Wait a minute, how the hell did you guys get into my barrel?”

“We didn’t, you fell out of it.” I was very annoyed at Adams stupidity. How could he be trying to make jokes at a time like this? Oh, right. He's Adam. Bailey was uncomfortable at this point, and started to walk off.

“Right, well, if it’s the same to you gentlemen, I’m gonna go now.”

“See ya, Bailey,” I said, giving a small wave.

“Right, I want to go back in my barrel,” Adam said.

Tyler finally found the words to speak; “Adam, how did you get in the barrel?”

"I climbed in. Jeez, and I thought I was supposed to be the retard of the group."

*sigh* "No, Adam, I mean why did you climb in the barrel?"

“Tis an epic tale, filled with scantily clad women and alcohol!”

A/N

Every chapter will have an authors note. Also, this is my chapter, the others are coming soon. What? "Who's 'me?'" OH! Right, the authors are color coded in this section.

Nice one, dumbass.

Shut up, Tyler! Now, obviously Tyler is blue. I, Noah, am red, Andre is brown because he is black, and Adam gets silver because he's been absent like a loser.

This is true. I am black.

Comments

[RidiculouslyOP]

i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/195/344/The-Not-Bad-Face_5df02dbb8465aed3df5bde5fd16d5d18.jpg

Decent. Editing needs to be done, mostly on flow.

Also is this really co authored 4 ways?